Welp, I did it. It's finally here. 4 looooonng aggravating months, but it's here. And I realized that it's been over a year since I started FD&S and a year on Thanksgiving (the 26th, to be exact) that Poison Thorns will have been up for a year. A whole year. I'm completely dumbfounded. I never thought Fall Down and Smile would be accepted the way it has been.
The wonderful e-mails and IMs have encouraged me so much. And you've all been really patient during my many writer's blocks (and especially this one). Thank you for standing by me this year.
email. quillfairy4@hotmail.com website. http://www.envy.nu/poisonthorns (I did buy the domain, I'm just having trouble getting it up and running but don't worry!)
And now, the one thing that hasn't changed over the past year :
Don't forget to Smile, Secret Dreamer
Chapter 20 "Won't Break Me Down"
Things are never as complicated as they seem. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. Life really wasn't that terrible. It was just complicated. But whose life wouldn't be complicated if they were in our position?
******* i want love
Dawn sat down at the kitchen table with a grunt, her hair in disarray. She sipped her tea slowly, I'd banned her from drinking coffee. That alone was making her irritable. "I. Want. Coffee."
I sighed and kissed her on the top of the head. "Once Abby comes popping out, you can have all the coffee you-"
"Abby?"
I bit my lip and sat down next to her. "Yeah. I was just thinking and I know you love the name Kate, really I do and I love it to but Abby, I really like that name."
She sipped her tea. "Abigail Kathryn," she took another sip and grinned. "I like it."
I wrapped my arms around her. "I love you."
She bit into a piece of toast. "I love you, too."
James came into the kitchen and sat down.
"Morning," she smiled, ruffling his hair.
He grinned and playfully leaned away.
"What do you want for breakfast?" I asked, getting up to retrieve my own.
"Mmm..Bagel, please."
I took the warmed bagel from the toaster and put it on a plate. "What do you want on it?"
"Cream cheese, please."
I grabbed the box from the fridge. "Here you go, kiddo."
He grinned and began smearing the white cheese on his bagel with his finger. I was hoping it was just a phase. He licked it off with a smack and shoved half into his mouth, some of the cheese crowding around the side of his lips and on cheeks.
James grinned and stuffed the rest of the bagel in his mouth and wiped the cream cheese off his face. He swallowed and chugged down the milk I set in front of him. He smiled and slid from his chair.
"Hold on a second," I took a cloth and ran it under the hot water faucet. "You've got a whole bunch of cream cheese marks on your face."
He took it and wiped off his face. "Better?"
"Much. Now go brush your teeth, your bus is going to be here soon."
He sighed and trudged back up the stairs.
I grinned and sat back down next to Dawn. "He's growing up so fast."
Dawn smiled and ran her fingers through my hair like a comb.
I winked at her as James came zooming back down the stairs. I followed him to the front door. "Hold it."
He groaned and turned back around.
"Did you really brush?"
He frowned and opened his mouth. Minty fresh.
"Alright."
He grabbed his backpack. "Bye Dawn."
"Bye honey!"
I walked him out and waited with him until the bus came.
******* won't brick me up
Dawn's movie had wrapped a few weeks prior so we'd had quite a few days just to cuddle on the couch and read to each other. It's been a nice, and needed, change of pace.
But right now, she was singing in the shower while I looked over our appointments. We were stopping at Huckleberry to see Ian and the lawyers. The trial was coming up in a few weeks and we needed to be as prepared as possible. After that, it was lunch out and shopping for James' birthday. He was turning 6.
Dawn emerged from the steamy bathroom, towel hanging on her hips and around her head. She'd always been insecure about her small breasts. Now she preferred to show them off in their engorged state. Believe me, I wasn't complaining.
I yawned and began routing through the closet, trying to find something to wear. Dawn snatched a skirt and belly shirt. We desperately needed to go shopping for maternity clothes. Something she refused to do.
Bruno came scampering up the stairs with his squeak toy in his mouth. Looking extremely pleased with himself, he let it go and sat on it.
I scratched him behind the ear and pulled on my usual jeans and tee shirt.
Dawn tsked.
"What?" I protested.
She just shook her head and went back to dressing.
I rolled my eyes and ran a brush quickly through my hair before braiding it. I took the belly shirt away from Dawn and replaced it with a light blue, flowered tank top.
She humphed at me but put it on. "Better?"
I smiled and kissed her. "You're beautiful."
We left the house at quarter to 10, arriving at Huckleberry for our appointment right on time. It was the same as the last few meetings we'd had. Discuss the trial, what might happen, and the outcome. It was draining on both of us, but mostly for Dawn. It was another 45 minutes before we were able to get out of the office and back into the sunlight.
Dawn leaned against me and yawned. "Ugh, I hate those meetings."
I stroked her hair. "I know but they are kind of comforting."
She shrugged. "Let's just get some lunch, I'm starving."
"Where do you want to go?"
"Some place with food."
I chuckled. "That's nice and vague."
She pointed to a bakery. "Let's go there. They probably have more than just doughnuts and stuff." She pulled me across the street and inside.
Sure enough, it was a bakery/cafŽ. Dawn anxiously waited to order, trying to decide what to get.
"Can I help you?" a young cashier asked.
She nodded. "I'd like the French Onion bread bowl, the turkey on 7 grain, and a large side of potato salad."
"Anything to drink?"
"Iced tea, please."
He turned to me. "What can I get for you?"
I chuckled. "Just the tuna on honey wheat and iced tea."
He rang it up and handed us the two teas.
I paid for it and took the receipt. "Go sit down," I told her. "I'll get our food."
She nodded and found a booth nearby.
We ate a slow lunch, just enjoying being alone together. She would brush her hand against mine and smile innocently. I fed her a bit of tuna on my finger. It felt like we were on our honeymoon - just married and enjoying life for the first time, maybe we really were.
******* just feel cold
"Ooh!" Dawn squealed. "I found them!"
We were in a bookstore near the little bakery we'd just finished lunch at.
I peered over her shoulder and picked up the three books. "Let's just hope he doesn't find a way to get them before his birthday."
She snickered. "Call Jonathan and let him know."
I nodded and tucked them under my arm.
Dawn checked off the 'Last 3 Harry Potter Books' from the list.
"What's next?"
She showed me the piece of paper. "Is this a spelling error?"
I squinted at his tiny handwriting. "Nope. That says 'Elton John'."
"Since when does he like Elton John?"
That comment struck a chord in my head. 'My god,' I thought. 'I don't know my own son. I don't know what music he likes.' I stared down at the books in my arms. 'I barely know what these books are about!' At that moment, I felt like the worst mother on the face of the Earth. I'd been so wrapped up in the trial and making sure Dawn was alright that I didn't ask how James was.
Dawn stood there, watching my facial expressions change. It hit her, too. "Oh my god," she whispered, clasping trembling fingers over her mouth and holding in a sob.
I nodded and felt the tears slid down my cheeks and onto the list of the presents he wanted.
She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I didn't... I mean...I didn't even realize. He's just always so quiet."
I choked back a sob and swallowed. "Well, there's nothing we can do about then. We just have to focus on now."
She just nodded and followed me to the cashier. Neither of us felt any better.
******* just a different kind
The phone rang that afternoon, right after James got home. I slipped it from the charger. "Hello?"
There was a pause. "Hi. May I please speak to James?" An extremely adolescent voice came over the line.
"Sure thing, sweetheart," I grinned and found James in the living room. "James, phone for you."
He took it. "Hello?" A grin melted onto his face. "Hi."
I stood back and leaned against the door way as he turned off TRL and laid down on the couch, still grinning like a mad man.
Dawn came skipping in and froze. She slithered over to me. "What's going on?"
I wrapped my arms around her. "I think James has a crush on the girl on the phone."
She covered her mouth and started giggling.
I shushed her and waved her into the kitchen as James disconnected the call. Dawn leaned against the kitchen counter and I pretended to be looking for a glass.
James came teetering into the room and set the phone back on its base. "Can a friend come over for a while to play?"
I looked up. "Is this the friend that was on the phone?"
He nodded.
"What's her name?"
He grinned and rocked back on his heels, hands clasped behind his back. "Sierra."
"Well, I don't see why not. What do you think, Dawn?"
She bit her lip. "I think it's a great idea. Maybe she'd even like to stay for dinner?"
James squealed and hugged us both tightly before scurrying up the stairs.
I squealed once he was out of hearing range and danced around Dawn. "Do you realize what this means? He's making friends! He's social! He's recovering," I basked, tears coming to my eyes for the second time that day as I wept with joy.
Dawn held me as I did so, smiling as sweetly as ever. "Wait. Doesn't he need to call her and tell her it's okay if she comes?"
******* sweet romance
"I'll get it," James ran for the door and flung it open. "Hi Sierra."
She smiled. "Hi James. This is my Mom."
I leaned forward and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm James' Mom, Iya Moon."
"Nice to meet you Iya, I'm Elana."
Sierra was the spitting image of her mother, just shorter. Dark bronze skin, brown eyes, and bouncing, curly golden hair. She stepped into the house and she and James disappeared.
"Would you like to come in?" I asked.
She shook her head, smiling. "No, I really need to get to work. What time should I pick her up?"
"If it's alright with you, we'd love to have her for dinner."
I didn't think the smile could have gotten any bigger but it did. "No, no that's fine. About 8:30 then?"
"Great. See you at 8:30," she hollered a good-bye to Sierra and started down the drive.
I waved and shut the door.
Dawn came creeping down the stairs. "Is she here?"
I nodded and we both raced to the patio door which I had heard slam previous minutes before.
They were sitting on the steps, watching the waves and seemed to be in deep conversation about something very serious.
I frowned. How serious of a conversation could two 5 year olds engage in?
Dawn stopped me from cracking the door open just a bit so I could hear them. "Stop snooping!"
"I'm not snooping!" I declared. "I'm admiring the ocean."
She laughed. "Ocean my ass. Step away from the door and no one will get hurt."
I blushed and let her close the curtain so they were left in privacy. "I hate you," I snarled.
She grinned. "I know. But you're so sexy when you hate me."
I couldn't help laughing and kissed her. "I love you."
"You're even sexier now."
"Is 'sexier' a word?"
She rolled her eyes. "Who cares!"
******* been bruised
Sierra left at 8:30 that night and James fluttered up the stairs as if he were on a cloud.
Dawn and I watched him with great amusement and quietly followed.
I tapped lightly on his door.
"Come in," he yelled.
I slid in and closed the door. He was sitting on his bed reading Harry Potter. I sat down on the side and swallowed, trying to get rid of the scratchy feeling in my throat. "So, how are you, kiddo?"
He shrugged. "I'm fine."
I nodded, looking down at the carpet. I tried again. "I mean, lately. What's been going on in your life?"
He shrugged. "Not much," he looked up briefly. "Not much goes on in a 5 year-olds life."
I couldn't tell if he meant that seriously or if he was referring to how busy I had been. Hopefully not the latter. "How's the book?"
"It's great."
"Sierra seems really nice," I tried. "She can come over any time."
"Thanks. I think she's nice, too."
I was being snubbed by my 5 year old son. I think I was being snubbed. Was I being snubbed? Was I looking way too far into this? My head began to throb.
"Mama?"
I looked up. "Yeah?"
He looked away for a second. "I know that you and Dawn are real busy."
"But I'm still here for you."
"I know. But I know that you have things to take care of and it won't last forever."
I smiled and ran my fingers over his head. I forgot how much I missed doing that. "I'm sorry."
He shrugged.
"And by the way, when did you start liking Elton John?"
He blushed. "Sierra likes him."
I laughed and hugged him. "I understand."
He grinned and hugged back, sighing into my arms. "I love you, Mama."
"I love you, too." I sighed.
He looked over my shoulder. "I love you, too, Dawn."
There was a low curse and scampering.
"How'd you know she was there?" I asked.
He giggled. "Lucky guess."
I kissed him. "Good-night."
He picked his book back up. "G'nite."
******* irresponsible
"This is incredible!" I exclaimed, walking from the living room to the kitchen, my gaze never leaving the page as I looked for something to drink.
Dawn looked up from the table where she was drawing. "What is?"
"This book. He's reading this and he's only 5?? This must be a 5th grade reading level. But it's incredible! He has such venom and Hermione is just a doll!"
She laughed at me as I returned to the living room and lay back down on the couch, the book propped up on my chest.
I read only to where James' bookmark was so we could read it together. I hoped we could, anyway. I sat down next to Dawn who was now outside staring at the waves with Bruno at her feet. "That's an amazing book."
She nodded.
"I just thought it was a book his teacher had assigned and he really liked it. I didn't think it was something like that. Does his teacher know how smart he is?"
"Maybe he wants to stay where he is. I mean, I don't think he wants to go up a grade or two. He probably would have said something or the school would have called. Let's not jump to conclusions. It could just be a really good book he heard about and got it from the library at school."
Somehow, I didn't think that was the case. Possible, very very possible but I wanted solid information.
"I'm going to call the school," I started to get up but Dawn pulled me back down.
"Don't. Wait until he comes home. Read to him before he goes to bed tonight. Don't make a big deal out of this. If he wanted it to be a big deal, he would've given us some sort of sign. I think he's just reading because he likes to read."
It made sense. "Donny used to love to read. He always had a book with him. I remember he would read to the twins when they were together. He probably read to James' every night. I never asked Sylvia."
Dawn smiled meekly at me and put her head on my shoulder.
I sighed and stared into the ocean, watching the waves build and break against the shore. There was something soothing and reassuring in that white foaming water. I felt small just looking at it. "I'm going to call Sylvia."
She got up with me and came inside, complaining that it was too cold, anyway. She went upstairs to take a bubble bath.
I hopped up on the counter and dialed Sylvia's number. It seemed like ages since my fingers had touched that sequence of numbers. And maybe it had.
"Hello?"
"Sylvia? It's Iya."
"Darling! How are you?"
I smiled, picking at the loose edge of the linoleum. "We're good. I wanted to ask you something. Did Donny read to James a lot?"
There was a chuckle. "Always. The newspaper, books, magazines. Anything Donny or James could lay their hands on. Is he having problems at school?"
"Oh, no no. The opposite, actually. I was just wondering because he's reading this book, you may have heard of it, Harry Potter."
"Oh my, yes. Frank brought home a copy the other day to see what all the fuss was all about and I've never seen him race out the door so quickly to buy the next one," she laughed. "This little boy seems to be having quite the impact on everyone. Are you upset that James' is reading it?"
I pulled my legs to my chest. "No. I like what I've read. But, isn't it a little old for him? He's only 5."
I could hear her crack a smile. "So the child can read advanced novels? I think that should be the worst of your problems, dear. How long have you been going on about this?"
I bit my lip. "About two days."
She laughed. "Worry if he starts falling behind. Worry if he's getting beat up by bullies. Worry if he doesn't have friends, he does have friends, doesn't he?"
"Now whose worrying. Yes. A friend of his came over yesterday after school. I don't think it's going to be the last time we see her, either."
"Playground crushes."
I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "So you're sure this isn't anything to be worried about?"
"No. I'm not really that surprised. James took after his father. Donny was reading when he was 5. Like father like son."
"Thanks Sylvia."
"So what are you getting him for his birthday?"
I couldn't help the blush that rose in my cheek. "The other three Harry Potter books."
She hooted with laughter. It was one of those laughs that would've been directly followed by a nice long hug.
"Will you be able to come up for his birthday?"
She sighed. "I'm afraid not. Money is a little tight right now. But we'll be sending him his present soon. You take care dear."
"You too Sylvia and thanks."
"My pleasure."
I hung up the phone and sauntered up the stairs to join Dawn in the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet seat and smiled. "Sylvia said not to worry."
******* i'm ready
That night before James went to bed, I cornered him, so to speak. "I was thinking, how would you like if we read together every night. Just you and me."
He beamed through a mouthful of toothpaste. "Wiwwy?"
I nodded. "I read up to where you are in Harry Potter and I thought we could finish it out together."
He spit and hugged me. "I'd really like that."
I kissed the top of his head. "Alright. You go get changed into your pajamas."
He looked at me sheepishly. "Will you change into yours, too?"
I ruffled his hair. "Yeah. I will, right now."
"Okay," he hopped down from the stool that he used to see into the mirror and scurried into his room.
I sprinted into our bedroom and changed into a tee shirt and boxer shorts. I knocked lightly on his door.
"Come in!" he called, this time I could tell he was smiling.
I closed the door and sat down on the edge of his bed.
He pulled back the covers and patted the space next to him, where the book was.
I smiled and replaced the book. He snuggled up against me, his arm slung over my middle as I opened the book and began to read.
--
The song used in this chapter was Elton John's "I Want Love". I hope it was worth the wait and hopefully you won't have to wait so long for 21 (the legal chapter hehe)
Don't forget to Smile, SD