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I hope you enjoy this chapter of "Fall Down and Smile" and the chapters still to come. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Chapter 8 "Love Will Never Do Without You" By: Secret Dreamer dreamsecret@poetic.com
I stood in the airport with Jonathan and Adam. They were casually sitting on the uncomfortable seats; Adam's hand was lazily playing with Jonathan's hair.
I wasn't having such a wonderful time. I kept biting my lip to the point where I was sure I would draw blood. My fingers needed to keep moving but that proved unsuccessful as I paced back and forth. Dawn's plane was delayed.
I stroked a piece of hair in a sad attempt to stay occupied. There was a tiny voice inside of me that kept saying the plane was going to crash and there would be no survivors.
"Iya?"
I turned to face Jonathan. "Yes?"
"Calm down."
"Easy for you to say," I grumbled and kept pacing, stroking the piece of hair. I fumbled with my sunglasses to make sure they were still there.
I checked my watch for the thousandth time that hour. The sun had set a long time ago and her plane still hadn't arrived. Adam and Jonathan had started to doze off. I sighed and wandered to some concession stands and picked up a French Vanilla Cappuccino. I sipped the hot liquid with sad remorse. She would've called me by now if she'd missed the flight.
Finding no comfort in the hot drink, I disposed of the rest. Another sigh escaped me as I shoved my fists into the new faux leather jacket I had purchased on a shopping trip with Jonathan and Adam this past week.
The sound of the fuzzy announcement never sounded so beautiful to me. It was midnight when the plane pulled into the loading dock. I hopped from one foot to the other as passenger after passenger came from the plane.
Finally I saw her. Blonde hair hanging wildly around her face and blue eyes shining. She dropped her bags and ran to me. As I swept her up in my arms and buried my face in her neck, her legs latched around my waist. I never wanted to let her ago.
"You're not allowed to leave ever again," I demanded, as tears streamed down my face. I never wanted her to leave my arms.
"Never again," she whispered back, sniffling and running her fingers through my hair.
"I love you."
"I love you."
Another set of arms circled us. I felt Jonathan kiss the top of my head. I smiled to myself and lifted my head to smile at him.
I choked a laugh. "Sweetheart, this is Adam, Jonathan's boyfriend. Adam this is Dawn, my girlfriend."
She smiled at him and nodded. "Nice to meet you. I'd give you a proper greeting but I'm caught up at the moment."
Adam chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of tearing you two apart. I'd act the same way if I were in your shoes."
"But you were. You and Jonathan were away from each other for weeks," I protested.
Jonathan immediately found the ground incredibly interesting as I watched his ears turn a bright red.
"Oh we made up for it later. Quite sufficiently, actually," Adam replied gruffly as Jonathan smack him playfully in the arm.
I buried my face in Dawn's neck as I chuckled and drank in the smell of her that I had missed so dearly.
"Come on girls. We need to get home," Jonathan said, a hint of embarrassment still audible.
"And we need to get Dawn's bags," Adam reminded.
I sighed and let my arms drop but Dawn didn't let hers. She only tightened her grip around my body. "Sweetheart," I whispered. "We need to get your bags."
She sighed and slid down my body until her feet rested on the carpet. She linked her fingers with mine as we started toward baggage claim, Jonathan and Adam picking up the bags she had dropped upon destination.
The conveyor belts spun in circles as we approached the only one holding luggage. Dawn grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder.
The drive back was uneventful. Dawn fell asleep with her head on my shoulder as Jonathan and Adam whispered to themselves in the front of the car. I absentmindedly ran my fingers through Dawn's hair and thought about what would happen if she had gotten the part in the movie. Would we move to California? Would she move to California and I would stay in New York? My hand trailed down to her stomach and rested on the tiny bulge that was barely visible. Our baby.
I fell onto the bed with Dawn on top of me. She kissed me frantically as our clothes were quickly in a pile on the floor. The feeling of her skin next to mine was heavenly. In mid-kiss I breathed in the flowery scent of her perfume that she hardly ever wore and the way her fingers felt across my skin and over my nipples.
My fingers found every inch of her body that they could, wanting to touch every inch that was possible. Feel every crevice and every corner. Every spot and every tiny microscopic dent. I broke the kiss and brought her forehead to mine. Our breath was heavy and short as we stared into each other's eyes.
"I love you," I whispered, kissing her again and again. Savoring the feel of her velvety lips and soft, pillow-like tongue against my own.
"I love you," she groaned as she kissed down my stomach and my belly button. I bit my lip in hesitation and anticipation. Her mouth against my sex sent shivers through my spine. Her tongue explored as my eyes fluttered closed and a soft purr escaped me from the absolute ecstasy of the experience.
I was in a world completely new. One I'd never been a part of before. It was like eating an ice cream Sunday on a hot summer day. Curling up by the fire with a good book and a cup of tea as the snow piles up outside the window. Lying in a field of flowers when everything is fresh and smells like new. Staring up into the night sky from the top of a hill, watching the stars sparkle and wink. And falling down into a pile of freshly raked leafs and smiling. I was being reborn into the world. Ripe for the picking and deeply in love.
I moaned and squirmed as an all too familiar feeling spread through-out my body. My back arched as my knees locked and everything I had held in for as long as possible, flowed away from my body as the flippant tongue never left my body. Breathing heavily, Dawn's eyes appeared in my vision again. I tried to smile but could barely move a finger.
She smiled lovingly at me, tilting her head to the side, slightly. I lay on the bed, naked as the day I was created, breathing. Breathing that echoed in my skull. Her arms drew me close to her as I shook with the after effects. She kissed a small tear from my eye.
"Muffin, why are you crying?"
I turned and stared into her eyes. Eyes that I wanted to look into for the rest of my life. I looked at the contours of her face and the concern filling every orifice. "I don't know," I whispered, tears clouding my vision.
"You aren't upset with me, are you?" she asked.
I shook my head as more tears spilled over my cheeks at the thought of ever being mad at my other half. "No. It was wonderful, sweetheart."
She didn't ask anymore questions, just held me tighter as I drifted off to sleep.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee stirred me from my dreamless sleep. I rolled over and felt the emptiness in the room. Dawn had already gotten up. Sighing with disappointment, I grabbed a black sports bra, black shorts and pulled them over my naked body. Running a brush through my hair swiftly, I departed from the room and into the kitchen. I found it empty except for a piece of paper on the counter. Finding this display quite odd, especially since the shower was running, I picked up the note and read it.
Dear & Dawn,
Adam and I left for the morning to pick up some things for when we leave tomorrow. Should be back by 3.
Love, Jonathan
P.S. If you move, get rooms with thicker walls.
I blushed at the last remark and wandered to the bathroom. The door was open and the curtain pulled back to reveal a naked form. Her head tilted back as her fingers roamed through her hair, dancing with the water that flowed down her body. I leaned against the door frame and crossed my arms as I watched her turn off the water and turn to see me. She smiled and grabbed the towel, quickly covering herself.
"Good morning," I grinned, kissing her. "Did you read the note?"
She nodded. "I wish they could stay longer. I still haven't gotten a chance to get to know Jonathan."
I sighed sadly at the prospect of my best friend moving across the country. It would be miracles when we saw one another.
"Where are they moving to?" she inquired, pouring a cup of coffee and sitting down at the small table.
"California. All the way across the country. Oh, how did the audition go?"
Dawn smiled, a twinkle in her eye. "Really well. The director is great and the rest of the cast is real friendly. I can't wait until the project starts next month," she said, daintily sipping her coffee before pouring more sugar into it.
My mouth hit the floor. "You got the part?"
She nodded excitedly and jumped from her chair. "It's wonderful! The location is beautiful and I checked out some houses and there are some great ones near the ocean and close to the city and some prime photography locations."
I hugged her as she continued to talk a mile a minute. "That's fabulous, sweetheart."
She became very serious, "Are you sure you want to leave New York City?"
"Where you go, I go. Maybe one day you'll have to trek behind me," I smiled and kissed her cheek.
"I'm serious, Iya. This is serious. We're talking moving across the country. Away from the life we've made here. Away from Olivia, Love, Damien, and Jake."
"I'm serious, too, Dawn. I want to be with you and if that means moving to California than so be it. I've waited my entire life to be with someone like you and I'm not about to let it get away from me now."
"You're sure?"
"Absolutely."
She smiled brightly and pulled me closer. "I love you so much. Thank you."
"I love you, too."
Dawn and I bumped into the apartment, boxes falling onto the floor as we giggled and kissed.
"This is so exciting!" she gushed, laying the flat box frames in the living room.
I fell onto the couch and watched her construct one of the boxes and start loading books into it.
She looked up and smiled at me. "Check the answering machine, would you, Muffin?"
I sighed and clicked the flashing red button.
"Hello, I really hope I have the right number. Iya, it's Mrs. Hamilton. Donny's mom. I'd really like to speak to you. Please give me a call as soon as you can. The number is 423-555-7895. It's urgent dear. Bye."
I stopped breathing.
"Muffin, who was that?" Dawn asked me, quite confused at the mystery women.
I ran to the phone and dialed the number. I paced around the kitchen as I waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Mrs. Hamilton? It's Iya."
"Iya! Oh dear it's so good to hear from you! How many times have I told you, call me Sylvia."
"Is everything okay?"
She sighed heavily. "No, dear. It's about Donny."
"I-is he okay?" I whispered.
"Is who okay?" Dawn insisted.
"Who was that, dear?" Sylvia inquired.
"Dawn. Dawn is my girlfriend."
"Oh I'm so happy to hear that! I'm glad you found someone. I do hope she's better than Gretchen. I never did care much for her."
"Apparently no one did," I stated dryly. "What happened to Donny?"
She sighed again. "His cancer came back. It's much worse this time. Not even another marrow transplant can get him back into remission."
"Is he going to..," I couldn't finish it.
"I'm afraid so dear."
I sank to the floor as tears poured down my cheeks. "When did you find out?" I cried as Dawn held me.
I heard Sylvia sniffle and blow her nose. "Just last week. I've been trying to get a hold of you ever since. I just got your number this morning."
"How long until..."
"They said anywhere from next week to next month. But he doesn't have much time left. He really wants to see you, dear. He keeps mumbling your name in his sleep."
I choked back a sob. My Donny. "Where are you?"
"We moved to Florida. The air was good for him for awhile. James had a horrible time adjusting to the weather change, though."
My heart caught in my throat at the mention of James. "Where in Florida?" I managed to squeak.
"Orlando."
"I'm flying out tomorrow morning," I told her.
"I can't ask you to drop everything, dear."
"I want to be there Sylvia, please," I cried. "I need to be with him. Both of them."
I could hear her nod her agreement. "Yes, that would be wise. Just get back to me with the information and we'll be there to pick you up."
"I will."
"Hurry, dear."
"I will, Sylvia. Good-bye."
"Good-bye."
I hung up the phone and sobbed and screamed into Dawn's shoulder. She held me and rocked me against the kitchen floor.
"Everything is going to be okay, sweetie," Dawn whispered.
Oh how I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that everything was going to be fine. Oh how I wanted everything to be so much simpler.
The door opened and Jonathan and Adam walked in. Jonathan took one look at me and I watched his face break. I got up on unsteady legs and ran into his arms, throwing them around his neck and crying harder.
"What happened?" he asked.
I shook harder with the effort of talking. "Donny's dying," I managed to wail.
"Oh dear god," he whispered and held me tighter as I continued to sob. My darling Donny.
"Why? Jonathan, why? I can't lose him, too!"
"Shh. You still have James, sweetie. And Sylvia and Frank."
"I know. But Donny was doing so well."
A throat cleared behind us. "What's going on?"
"You haven't told her?" Jonathan scolded me.
I felt like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "No. There wasn't a reason too. She would've met Donny and James eventually but I wanted everything to be perfect."
"Who are Donny and James?"
I sighed and took a deep breath. "We need to have a long talk."
"Apparently so," she said, raising an eyebrow.
I took her hand and led her to the couch, patting the space beside me. She sat down and pulled her legs to her chest. "When I was 16, I went out with Donny. We'd been friends since the 7th grade so our parents were thrilled. Mine loved Donny to pieces and my mother even started planning the wedding with Sylvia. Sylvia and Frank accepted me as part of their family. We went everywhere either each other, basically.
"A few months after we'd been together, we found out Donny had cancer. Cancer in his bone marrow. I was a perfect match for his marrow transplant. I willingly went through with it and after months of chemotherapy they were able to push the cancer into remission. By this time, we had grown even closer and were madly in love. Sort of.
"After both of us turned 17, we had sex."
Dawn blinked at me. "You never told me. How could you not tell me?"
"Please don't yell until you've heard the rest."
She pulled her legs closer.
"I got pregnant. With twins. I was lucky, I was 3 months pregnant when I graduated from high school so I took a year off from school. Of course our parents weren't too thrilled with this development but offered to help us take care of the babies. About two weeks before the twins were born, Donny and I decided that we didn't want to be together. The love was gone but we still cared deeply for each other and agreed to jointly raise the babies.
"Well, I went into labor and after 25 excruciating hours, I gave birth to two little babies. James Calvin and Hazel Rose. A few months after, I turned 18 and Donny got accepted to Medical school. He didn't want to leave the twins for me to raise alone and I couldn't ask him to take them both while he juggled medical school in Chicago. Sylvia and Frank were eager to move from Pennsylvania so they said they'd move to Chicago with Donny and help raise James. My parents would help me raise Hazel and we would get together on holidays.
"Hazel never saw her first birthday. She was suddenly hit with a sickness that lots of newborns get. Mostly within the first 6 months. Right before she turned 5 months, we had to rush Hazel to the hospital. Her temperature was through the roof and she could barely breath. She died as they wheeled her into one of the exam rooms. I blamed myself for a long, long time, even after I started college. It wasn't my fault though, it was common and there are no warning signs."
I took a deep breath. "Every few months I go to Chicago to visit Donny and James. He knows what happened to Hazel and knows I'm his mother. He isn't angry that he lives with one parent. A few months ago, I think, they moved to Florida. A few doctors recommended it since his five year remission was almost over and the sea air often helps with the effects. Well, last week, it came back. Full swing. Donny doesn't have much time left. I have to go to Florida as soon as possible. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I really am. I know I should have told you. I wish I had told you sooner. There just was never an appropriate time."
Dawn locked her eyes to mine. "Appropriate time? What about whenever I found out I was pregnant and was scared out of my mind? Wouldn't that have been a good time?" She hollered.
"You'd been raped! How was I supposed to tell my pregnant girlfriend that I have a son?" I retorted.
"I don't know. Maybe 'Dawn, hey, by the way, I have a son'."
"It's not that simple!"
"Like hell it is! I thought we trusted each other! I thought we could tell each other everything. How could you not have told me?"
"I don't know," I whispered. "I wanted. I wanted you to meet Donny and James. I wanted you to meet them and get to know them and love them before I told you what role they played in my life. I couldn't take it lightly. I wanted to tell you when it wouldn't be too much of a shock. I wanted you to see how much James looks like me. I knew you would already have the idea in the back of your head so the shock wouldn't be what it is now."
"I want to understand where you're coming from. I really do. I feel like I've been cheated though. You're not the person I thought you were."
Sighing, I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry you feel that way. Dawn, please believe how sorry I am. Especially that you had to find out like this. But no matter what, I'm flying down to Florida tomorrow. I just hope that you realize how important this is to me and why I couldn't tell you and I hope that there will be a place for me when I get back."
She didn't say anything. She just got up and went the bedroom. The silent click of the door sent more chills up my spine than any slam ever could. I picked up the phone and dialed the airport.
Jonathan took it from me and slammed it down. He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. I felt a growing headache as I was bounced from side to side.
"What are you doing?" he demanded, finally stopping but holding me tightly by the shoulders. I would have quite a few bruises later.
"Calling the airport."
"That's not what I meant and you know it! What are you going to do about Dawn?"
"What can I do? She knows where I stand. I love her more than anyone else I've ever known. I may be with her the rest of my life, I may not be but I only have a short time left to be with Donny and I need to be there, Jonathan."
"Why you?"
"Because I'm James' mother and Donny needs me. That's why Sylvia called. She's been tracking me down since last week. Donny is asking for me. He knows he's dying. I need to be there with my best friend."
"He asked for you specifically?"
I nodded. "I need to be there."
He sighed. "I don't like it but okay."
I picked up the discarded phone and dialed the number again. I got a flight for 6:30 the next morning. I called back Sylvia and gave her the flight information. She promised to be waiting there for me.
I hung up the phone for the third time that day and sighed. Now it was time to deal with the one in the bedroom. I got small smiles from Jonathan and Adam before slipping into the room. Dawn was standing by the window. She was leaning on the window sill, staring out into the afternoon sky.
"Hi," I whispered.
"Hi."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have anything to be sorry for."
"Yes I do. I didn't tell you about Donny and James. I should've told you long before it came to this."
"Why should you? I mean, we've only been together since the beginning of the summer. Most couples are together twice as long as we are before their deep dark secrets are uncovered. I don't know if I can forgive you, though."
"I understand. I'll sleep on the couch tonight," I offered and took a quilt and a pillow into the living room. Dawn didn't object. I took one of the suitcases and filled it with my clothes and a shoulder bag with my books and notebook and a few CDs. I put both bags next to the couch. I turned back but the door was closed. I sighed and sat down on the couch. Jonathan and Adam had gone into the other room so I was alone. Suddenly sleep sounded like a wonderful thing. I fluffed the pillow and pulled the quilt over my body.
"I love you, Dawn." I knew she couldn't hear me but I had to say it. If not for her sake, than for my own sanity.
I stood in the airport with Jonathan and Adam for a second time. Dawn had refused to come along. They announced my flight and I hugged the two men.
"You guys have my number. Call me anytime. I'll keep you updated."
Adam hugged me tight. "If it doesn't work out, there's always a space in our house."
I knew what situation he was talking about and thanked him for the offer though I hoped I wouldn't have to take him up on it.
I walked down the loading dock and found my seat in coach. I popped two pieces of gum in my mouth and sat back in my chair. I wasn't looking forward to the next couple of weeks. Or the possibility of only having a couple of days. The thought was scaring me to death.
I was oblivious to everything throughout the flight. I never liked flying much but could only think about Donny and how upset James must be. I bit my lip to the point that it bled. And anxiously waited the descent into Orlando.
Finally, the wheels hit the paved runway and 20 minutes later, I was standing in a line with hot, cranky passengers as we left the confines of the plane.
I slid on my sunglasses to block out some of the sun and walked out of the terminal.
"Mommy!"
I looked up and smiled as the black haired boy came running toward me. I swept him into my arms and hugged him tightly.
"I missed you," he said hugging me back.
"I missed you too, sweetie. Have you been good for Grandma and Grandpa?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Good."
"Hello, dear," Sylvia smiled, walking up.
I hugged her. "Hi Sylvia."
"Let's go get your bags. Adam really wants to see you."
"Can I see Daddy too?" James asked, bouncing on my hip. He was getting much to big to be carried.
"I'm sorry sweetheart. Maybe tomorrow," Sylvia told him, running her palm over his head.
"Okay."
I followed Sylvia to baggage claim, still holding James as he jabbered on about how Florida was different than Chicago. How much he wanted to see Adam. How many new toys he had. I held him in my lap as we drove to the hospital.
The car engine died as Sylvia took the key from the ignition. She turned around and smiled apologetically at me. I looked ahead and stared at the large building. This was it. It was actually real.
--
Welp, that's the end of that chapter. I hope it met with everyone's approval! See you next time!
Don't forget to smile & Safe Passage, Secret Dreamer dreamsecret@poetic.com