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Farthest Pasture Chapter 7 New Start
Auggie hadn't laid eyes on Ray for fifteen years. He made no plans to speak to him tonight. Those silly days were over, and he'd moved on. The games boys play. Besides, he could see even across the bar that Ray has had too much to drink. Auggie loses him when he goes back to nursing his beer. Maybe if they weren't in a bar, it would be different. Auggie begins his exit. He's looking forward to a hot shower and hotel sheets. Auggie isn't interested in talking about the past. Once he lies down in the strange bed and stretches out, sleep should take no time at all.
Of course, he doesn't fall asleep. Auggie begins thinking about how much his life has changed from eighteen to thirty-three, which leads to him going over his past relationships, including his first with Ray. What stupid boys they were. Why did he ever believe they would be together forever.
Auggie has not lived a celibate life. When he went to college, it took him a while to grow accustomed to his new surroundings. It was one where he was able to be as open as he wanted to be and one where he felt free. He was, however sad that the person he loved wasn't with him. It took almost a year to get over Ray. Then Brent came into his life by way of a local sandwich shop. Their relationship lasted two years. He finally falls asleep thinking about his first kiss with Ray. It's a sweet memory.
Auggie wakes to the sun pouring in. If only he'd remembered to close the blackout curtains, he'd still be asleep. He rises and puts on workout clothes and heads to the hotel gym. No young hardbodies are working out only people who like him. It wasn't like being at his gym at home. Some of the guys looked amazing with their tight sweaty bodies. It brightened Auggie's day every time he was there. He finishes his workout and thinks about moving out of the hotel and taking residence up at the farm so he can more easily get it prepared to sell. After a shower and breakfast, he does just that.
There's nowhere for Auggie to hide Ray sees him and is coming down the aisle towards him. "Is that Auggie Charles?" Ray says. Why did he think he could stop into Ingles without seeing someone who knows him or the boy he used to be. His luck didn't hold out. He's been back to Jasper maybe ten times and avoided Ray every time.
"It's me," extending his hand but instead gets pulled into a big hug. He's wrapped tightly in Ray's arms. For a minute, he is lost in his smell and strength. Ray's built up muscle since high school. "How long has it been?" Auggie, asking a dumb question. He knows precisely how many years it's been.
"About fifteen."
"So how goes it in Jasper?" Auggie asks even though he gets the local paper at his home in Virginia. A gift from his mother along with weekly updates that never would get printed. He probably knows more about Jasper than Ray does.
"Same as ever. There's a few changes I'm sure you noticed but nothing too big," Ray says. "What are you doing back?"
"Ever since my uncle died, my mom and aunt have been looking to move in together. It's finally happening, and I've been left to sell the farm and belongings."
"Oh, is that all?" Ray says with a laugh.
"That's all, man. What about you?"
"Everything is good, Lisa, and I are divorced, and it's a good thing. The boys, twins, are doing good. They stay with me part of the week and Lisa the rest. We all get along."
"Well if you're happy," Auggie says already wanting to end this conversation. Ray makes him nervous. Auggie can't protect his feelings. "Listen, I have to go. I've moved out of the hotel and staying at the old place while I get everything worked out. Stop in sometime."
"I might just do that. I don't live that far down the road from it. Have a good night," Ray walks away with his frozen meals and milk.
Auggie builds a fire in the outdoor pit. He lights it and goes inside to get another beer. He drags an Adirondack chair over closer to the fire and sits. It's so quiet here, nothing like his home. He relaxes with the help of the beer and fire. It was not as strange as he imagined it would be to see Ray, and he might have misjudged the other night in the bar. Maybe that was the perfect time to say hello -- the busy bar with its loud music and clientele.
"Hey neighbor," Ray says, startling Auggie and bringing him out of his thoughts. "I'm sorry, man I thought I'd bring some beers over, and we can finish our talk. It's been so long."
"That's cool. I was lost in thought." Auggie responds as his heart quickens. "Pull up a chair." Why must he deal with a second act? All he wanted from his night was alone time to relax into this new role. There's a part of him that is curious about what else Ray has to say.
"Thanks, you need another?" Ray asks gesturing to the six-pack.
"No, I'm good still got some." They sit in silence a little too long. Ray is building up strength to tell Auggie everything he's ever wanted to say to him.
"I want to tell you something. I've thought about you many times over the years. You don't know, but I kept you in my head as a kind of guide. I often asked myself what would Auggie do when I was in a bad place," Ray says all of this rather fast.
"I'm not sure we need to discuss the past. That was a long time ago. We've changed.
"Please let me finish. I need to say this."
"Go ahead," Auggie says not wanting to hear what Ray has to say. Their not boys anymore.
"At twenty-nine, I came out to Lisa. She says she knew and she wants me to be happy. We divorced so we both could move on with our lives. We agreed to co-parent the boys, and it works well. My parents know and most people in town. I don't hide. And while I've had some short affairs, nothing sticks."
"I'm glad for you. I know you only did what was expected of you."
"But see that's the thing nothing was expected of me. I built that all up in my head. I was just scared of everything, and I used the farm and family obligation to avoid the truth."
"Are you content with your life now?" Auggie asks.
"In most ways."
"Me too. I'm on the upside right now. It hasn't always been that way for me. A college professor's life isn't as glamorous as it might appear." They both laugh, followed by an uncomfortable silence.
"Would you like to go out on a date sometime? That's something that I always wanted to do with you, but we never got a chance," Ray asks in low tones. It would be great if Auggie could not hear these words. Ray's nervous.
"What do you mean a date?"
"A date you know what a date is. I'm sorry, do you have someone special in your life? I didn't think of that," Ray says. Why would he think Auggie had anyone was it because he didn't?
Auggie answers too quick. "No, I'm unattached, but I'm not sure we should. We have a lot of history, and I'm not interested in rehashing the past with you."
"I understand. We can't go back."
"Why would you want to go back?"
"It's been fifteen years, and I thought we could...there's a lot that we went through I'd just like to chat with the other participant."
"Ray, I care about you. I always will, but we can't go back."
"Do you really think that? Do you know that I've known every time you've come into town, that I've watched from a distance? Do you know I stood on the hill hiding behind headstones so I could see you when your father died? I was chicken to be in the same room as you. I thought I would betray myself, but now none of that matters. Nothing matters but you."
"It matters, everything matters Ray we can't go around
making our own rules," Auggie says.
"Why not? I have no one to answer to for my choices. I don't have to explain anything."
"Life's not that easy."
"You ran away from me. You left. Goddamnit, I loved you," Ray says, holding back tears. There is a long silence. Auggie stares into the fire, hoping that it will leap out of the pit and consume him. He knew these feelings would get stirred up again. Had he loved Ray all those years ago?
"I loved you," Auggie struggles to say. "I couldn't stay. You scared me. We scared me. This town scared me." Ray sits in silence. He takes all that Auggie has said and reviews it. Could he still love him? "Listen, this has been fun, but I've got a busy day tomorrow. We need to call it a night."
They both get up at the same time. As Auggie ashes the fire, Ray replaces the chairs and sits the empty beer bottles on the table. He comes and stands close to Auggie. "I guess you won't want to see me again. I understand. Thanks for listening. Good luck with the farm." Ray turns to leave. Before Auggie knows what's happening, he reaches out and grabs Ray's shoulder. Ray turns slowly and then all at once they grab on to each other kissing and stumbling towards the back door.
"Oh fuck, do you want to do this?" Auggie asks.
"Fuck yes," Ray says as they continue to kiss. Now inside they take the stairs to the familiar room. "Wait, I need to pee."
"Me too." They shuck their pants and head into the bathroom to piss together -- a little sword fight action. Ray is already getting hard. They kiss over the toilet bowl as they shake the last drops. "What about a shower together?" Auggie asks.
"Sounds hot start the water." Auggie pulls back the curtain and turns the water on. As it gets warm, Ray removes his shirt. He has bulked up and is now covered with a light coat of fur. Auggie is impressed and very pleased.
On the other hand, Auggie is not as fit. He's no slob, but he hasn't bulked up. He's always had more of a swimmers build without being as tight.
"I can't believe we are doing this," Auggie says to no one in particular. It was more of an inward thought coming out.
"What? Do you think this is going to be different from the way it was before?"
"I think it's going to be better."
The shower is quick and really just foreplay. They help each other dry off and then move on to the bed. Ray easily flips Auggie on his back, positioning himself between his legs. He pauses for a moment and looks down into Auggie's eyes. "You don't know how many times I've dreamed of this happening."
"Probably about as many as I have," Auggie whispers in reply. He raises up and grabs hold of Ray's arms holding on tight. "I want you to fuck me."
"I want to fuck you," Auggie says with a smile. He lifts Auggie's ass up for a more easy entrance and spits on himself. He rubs some on to Auggie's hole.
"Take it slow, it's been a while," Auggie says. In fact, it has been nearly three years, not since Mike had decided to leave. There have been the occasional hook-ups, but all these were handjobs and blowjobs with a little rimming now and again.
"Don't worry bab; I'll be gentle as a lamb," Ray says. He enters Auggie slowly and with great care holding back his fantasy of raming it in good and fast. This would have to come later. When he is fully inside, he kisses Auggie on the lips and remembering how much Auggie liked his neck nuzzled and kissed moves to do so.
"This feels so good. You feel so good," Auggie says through a little discomfort. He doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want to break the connection with Ray.
Ray, for his part, continues to take his time. He is doing his best to hit Auggie's button. It has also been a long time since Ray has fucked anyone. The last time he'd had sex with someone other than himself was a year ago after a night in the bar. That time he was fucked in the parking lot. "Is it okay that I take my time?"
"It is," Auggie says feeling more excitement then he can contain.
Ray begins to pick the pace up and thrust deeper. Auggie shows no discomfort; on the contrary, he looks like he's enjoying being skewered on Ray's dick. The fucking goes on for a little longer. With age comes the ability to hold off a little and not shoot as fast as you could when you were a kid. Ray is enjoying himself too. Auggie feeling his orgasm rising takes matters into his own hands and begins to rub his cock. It won't be long now before both shoot their loads.
"Please, can I come in you?" Ray asks for the first time ever.
"Yes, come for me. Fill me up." The fucking gets faster and faster. Ray's eyes are closed tight as he concentrates on his task. He feels it coming. "Come!" Auggie says as he reaches for his extasy and is rewarded with a deeply intense orgasm soon after Ray comes and collapses on Auggie kissing him.
"I love you, Auggie Charles. I always have," Ray says into Auggie's ear.
"You know I've always loved you," Auggie laughing. "Hey, I need to go to the bathroom."
"Oh yeah sorry." Ray moves off of Auggie. Auggie heads to the bathroom and takes care of business. When he comes out, Ray is ready to piss. "Climb back into bed, let's cuddle for a while."
"Yes, sir." Auggie climbs back in and pulls the blankets up. He's forgotten to turn any heat on. "Hey, do you have to go home tonight?"
"No," Ray says as he reenters the bedroom and gets under the covers curling around Auggie. "I knew this was going to happen one way or the other."
"You did? I wasn't sure. I didn't want to see you again."
"Well, that's hurtful."
"No, I didn't want to bring up all the past. I was protecting myself. I was worried that everything we once were didn't matter that you had moved on."
"I was nervous too. It was a do or die situation in the Ingles today. I wanted to run up and kiss you. My heart was beating so fast. I'm surprised you couldn't feel it when I hugged you."
"That was a surprise I was expecting. I'm glad this happened. What's next?"
"I don't know," Ray says. "Can we think about it?"
"Yes, but I don't want to lose you again."
"Me either." They fall asleep as they had in the past comfortable in what had happened and maybe in what was to come.
"Hey, get up my mom will be here at 10:00," Auggie says nudging Ray.
"We're not in high school anymore. Do I have to?" Ray says through a yawn. "You've come out to her, right?"
"Oh, fuck, yes, and it wasn't a surprise."
"So, can I stay? I'll be good. We don't have to say anything."
"Honey, where are you?" Auggie's mom's voice travels up the stairs.
"Goddamn, it's too late now. Get dressed," Auggie says, throwing Ray's clothes to him. "And can you get rid of that?" pointing to Ray's erection.
"Honey?" Donna says.
"Just a minute mom," Auggie replies running down the steps. "Good morning," he says, leaning in for a cheek kiss. "Um, mom Ray's...Ray will be down in a minute."
"How nice. I've not seen him in a couple of years. I see y'all have reconnected," Donna says squeezing Auggie's arm. "I'm your mother, dear. I'm not stupid."
"Mom...," Auggie says blushing.
Ray makes his entrance. "Good morning."
"Good morning to you, Ray. I was just telling my son that it's been a couple of years since I've laid eyes on you. The twins keeping you busy?"
"Yes, ma'am. They're a handful."
"I was also sharing with Auggie that I'm not stupid and I'm glad you two have reconnected," Donna says with Auggie still blushing.
"Okay, mom you've expressed that you know can we move on?" Auggie asks.
"Well, of course, dear," Donna says with a smile. Ray is happy while Auggie just looks mortified. "Your father and I always thought you two made a cute couple," Donna enjoying this.
"Mom!"
"Okay, down to work," Donna says.
"Finally, can we hold off on the sell for a little while? I want to look at a few things," Auggie says.
"What are you thinking?" Donna asks.
"I'm not sure I have a few questions to ask. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, sure, honey. So, why don't you to take an old lady to breakfast?"
"That would be nice," Ray says happily at the prospect of Auggie not selling the farm and of going to breakfast with Donna.
The three go to brunch. There's very little talk of Ray and Auggie much of the conversation revolves around Auggie's dad who died several years ago of an aneurysm. Auggie missed talking with him. Their relationship grew as Auggie aged, and when he came out to his parents, they were supportive and loving. Auggie was curious about how Ray's coming out had gone.
"Well, you take all the time you need to decide what to do with the farm. It's not going anywhere," Donna says as she gets back into her car. The house and land had long lost her love. She misses her companion, who would forever be tied to this place. She kisses both Auggie and Ray. "Play nice, and I'll talk to you soon."
"I love you, mom, thanks," Auggie says as Ray puts his arm around Auggie's shoulders.
"So, I'm thinking what about fixing up this place and living here?" Auggie asks.
"That's a lot to ask of you. You'll need a job I suppose," Ray says not sure what Auggie is getting at.
"I can lease the pasture land, and with being an online adjunct, I could survive."
"You'd uproot your life?"
"I know you can't, and if you want to give this a go, I'm willing to make those changes. I won't sell my place in Blacksburg. I'll rent it out," Auggie explains.
"I'm not giving anything up that seems unfair. I don't want to be the cause of you doing all this. I want to be with you. I have the boys and..."
"I know, but I can make this change. I want to give it a try."
"Okay, what do you think your mother will say?"
"Knowing her she's already figured it out. If I find it hard to survive, I can get a job at one of the schools in Chattanooga. It's only a forty-minute drive from here.
"Is this what you were thinking about last night when I was sleeping?" Ray asks.
"No, this is what I dreamed."