This story was written by me, etc. Copyright and all that. If you have questions/comments e-mail me at knife.vs.face_@hotmail.com , i'd loved to hear whatever you have to say.
This story is about my relationship between me and my boyfriend when we first met ( I was sixteen. He was seveteen) We were in highschool. It's basically about our relationship growing and making it through the rough times life threw at us.
there's sexually explicit content, adult language, and/or violence. If this is offensive to you and/or illegal. Please do no continue any further.
Fashion him loveless. Part one.
It was pretty loud in the house for only so few people being there. I mean- it was me, my sister and brothers followed by some of my close friends. The noise seemed to be deafening though. Maybe it was just me? Everyone else didn't seem to mind, even my five year old brother didn't seem to mind. I guess I was just tired, but I was always tired.
I walked around starting to pick up trash around the room, it was better to do it now or i'll just keep putting it off. I always made sure I looked at my youngest brother while he played the drums, he was grinning at me. I looked up and returned the gesture to make sure he knew I was paying attention to him. He always beamed when Chris would come over and help him play drums. For being only five he was a pretty talented kid.
Chris was one of my best friends, he tried to be modest but I know he's always trying his best to help us out since my mother died and my dad is always 'at work.' Actually, everyone tried to help us out a little bit in there own subtle ways, and I loved them all for it. I wanted to run up and hug them and tell them how much it really means to me. But I know they would just blush and deny it. So, I just tried to be as kind as I could to them and made sure they are aware of how fortunate I am for having them as friends.
I loved being in there company because I felt safe. But I really wished at that moment everyone would disappear and I could fall into a deep sleep for a really long time. I knew it wasn't possible though, so I enjoyed it as much as I could. Taking it all in- and letting it all out.
I walked over and picked up my younger brother from the drum set, i loved seeing his face while he played because it seemed to take him away from all the stress, even though he was just five. I know things effected him. I grabbed him and hanged him upside down. I wasn't that strong of a kid- kind of scrawny actually. So I had him wrap his legs around my waist as I spun around, smiling as I heard his sweet rhythmic giggles escape him. I let him down- I wanted to get him away from the drum set for awhile. I didn't want the loud popping of the drums to start hurting his ears.
I saw his eyes wonder over to where Chris, Tyler and Josh were now all sitting on the ground playing Uno. I smiled some and picked my brother up sitting by Chris, I looked at my brother and asked " Do you want to play? " -his eyes were following the cards as people delt. Finally he looked up at me and said with a hint of sadness, a frown appearing on his face. " i don't know how to play. " I giggled- the innocence of little kids was so wonderful. " I'll teach you silly. " I said as I gently tickled his sides. " we can play together. " he smiled bright and squirmed as I tickled him.
I grabbed the cards chris was dealing us, I whispered into my brothers ear explaining the game to him as simply as possible. - He just wanted to play with the cards though. Every ten seconds he would grab a card lay it down and shout " Uno! " Everyone thought it was pretty amusing and about the third time he shouted Uno everyone shouted " You won!" and tackled him with tickles. I smiled and looked over when I heard someone knock at the back door. I jogged over and looked at the pretty cheap screen window we had up to see outside, I saw it was Robert. My dads friend.
I sneaked outside and shut the door looking at Robert- normally he dropped by to give me the money my dad would send to help pay for the bills. Robert had a shameful look on his face and was twisting his hat around in his hands, I knew that that meant my dad didn't follow through on the money arrangement. He blurted out his apologies and I sighed rubbing my face, trying to think of what I was going to do. I felt bad for Robert- he seemed so sorry every time my dad wouldn't bother giving some money to support his four children he dumped. I mumbled " it's okay robert. " through my hands, as his apologies kept spilling out. Along with a few stuttered i wish i could help you's. I wish Robert could help, I do. But; he was just a lonely truck driver. What did I expect him to do? He was already more of a father to me then anyone else. Just by the pure fact that he said he cared. I sighed, I didn't want to hear this anymore. I mumbled my goodbye and walked into the house. I saw my younger brother on the couch with Donnie and Chris. He was staring at me with that look on his face, I knew he had snuck over to the screen and was listening to me and Robert talking. Chris probably came over and got him.
I walked over and forced a smie kissing him on the forehead. I whispered loud enough for Chris to hear me " I need to go make a phone call. " and I walked towards the stairs. Leaving them behind.
A phone call. One phone call to my dad, could ruin my whole day. Just by the lack of emotion in his voice when I told him we couldn't afford food. I hated him and needed him at the same time, I needed him so much. To much.
I just laid on the couch and starting crying, I needed to get it out. Even though it wasn't the same as having someone hold me and comfort me. the couch was often my home for my breakdowns I had to shield from my family. I couldn't let them know I hurt so much, even though i'm pretty sure they already knew. There was just nothing they could do.
The couch absorbed my tears, took them away and hid them from the world. Taking some of me with them.
I quickly sat up and wiped my eyes with my shirt sleeve when I heard someone cough abruptly loud. I looked up to see Chris standing there holding my younger brother- he was watching me. He looked concerned. It was amazing how much that kid knew at such a young age. I smiled some and opened my arms for him as he walked over. He accepted my offer and crawled up in my lap curling up to me. I rubbed his back leaning into the couch. I looked over to see Chris had went back downstairs. I kissed my brothers forehead and mumbled " I wish I could give you better then this. " His response was just a tightening of his arms around my neck, and somehow. that made everything seem better.