Hey, look, I'm sorry alright. I know it's been a long time, but it's finally here. Thanks for all the colorful e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you guys some more. Tell me what you think of this new installment. I know a few of you will. :-) Oh, and thanks to my girl Colleen author of "tears in your eyes."
Now, time for the disclaimer. Don't read this if you're not allowed and this is only fiction. I repeat this is ONLY FICTION. Thanks and continue to e-mail your very welcomed comments.
Chapter 5
~Should I go in or should I take the bitch's way out and wait until they leave? But that could take awhile and I don't want to worry Joe.~ I opted to take the back door to by me a little more time. ~If I was going to confront them all, I might as well be clean and fully dressed.~ I ran to the back door and opened it. No one was in the kitchen, so I took the kitchen stairs up to my room. I closed the door. I entered the house undetected and was safe for now. I removed my clothes and took a shower. Joey let me borrow his radio and I listened to Janet Jackson's "the Velvet Rope" album. This CD has always helped me through some really sad times. I took a long hot shower to prolong my agony. I turned off the water and opened the shower door.
"Oh, shit," I yelled, "you fucking scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry," replied Joey sitting on the basin.
"Yeah whatever, you just wanted to see me naked," I said hoping to make him laugh. It didn't work.
"Could you hand me a towel," I asked in defeat. He handed me a towel and returned to the sink basin.
"Look, John. You mean so much to me, you're my brother as far as I'm concerned, you know?" he stated calmly. I smiled as I finished drying myself off. "These guys have become very close to me too over the past few years. What happened last night was bad. I know Chris said some things that were fuckin' dumb. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him. I want all the people I care about to be friends."
"Yeah, sure. It's not like he's the first person to hate me for no reason," I chuckled as I stared off in space remembering all the teasing and laughter I went through as a kid.
"He doesn't hate you," Joey sighed as he came over to hug me. It was a good thing I was dry because he pulled me tight. "Look, I'll let you get dressed and when you come down I'll let you and Chris make-up."
"How did they get here so early?" I wondered aloud.
"They all came over last night and we talked about what happened," he said. "I knocked on your door last night, but either you didn't want to talk or you were asleep because you didn't answer."
"I wouldn't have wanted to talk even if I had heard you," I said.
"Look, I know what Chris said was fucked up..." he began.
"It has little to do with what Chris said," I interrupted. "The fact of the matter is that when Chris was insulting me, no one decided to help me out." Joey looked at me for a while and smiled.
"That's where you're wrong," he said in an even tone, "I seem to remember a Mr. Chasez trying to help you out. But besides that, they hardly know you. They've known Chris a lot longer than they've known you. I'm not trying to make excuses for them, but you have to see it from their perspective." ~I hate it when he's right. The jack-ass. I'm just overreacting on that part.~ Joey turned around and went downstairs. But before he got there he turned and yelled for me to hurry up.
"Yeah, sure," I said. I hurriedly dressed and was ready to go. ~It was now or never~ I said to myself as I stood at the top of the stairs. ~Why the fuck am I so damn upset?~ I made my way down the very short staircase to walk through the hallway to the den. As I entered the room, smiles that were previously being shared retreated to thin lines across faces. ~Oh, that was very welcoming.~
"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," I said out loud looking at the wall in front of me.
"No, not at all," replied Justin. There was a slight pause as the tension grew thick in the air. I sighed as I stood in the doorway looking like an idiot. I definitely felt like running like hell at that moment.
"Um... John? Can I talk to you?" asked Chris. ~Oh, so you're willing to embarrass me in front of your friends, but you want to apologize in private?~ I just smiled and agreed. I looked at Joey, with my "this is not starting well" look. He just shook his head and begged me with his eyes to be nice. I followed Chris into the kitchen and sat on the island as he stood in front of the sink with his back to me.
"Look, I just wanted to apologize to you for last night," he said as he turned around to look me in the eyes. I wanted to say something, but I sensed he wasn't finished so I let him continue on. "What I said to you, and the way I said those things was completely out of line, and there is no excuse for it. I acted like a total asshole and you didn't deserve it at all. You did me a huge favor and I reward your friendship with shit. I hope you can forgive me."
I just sat there and looked at him for a while. I was glad he decided not to beat around the bush. That apology was honest and straight to the point. I smiled at him which made him smile in return.
"It's alright," I finally answered, "I forgive you, I can imagine what it looked like from your perspective so I'm going to cut you some slack and clear the slate. Is that cool wit you?" I extended my hand. He smiled and walked over to me and shook it.
"I understand why Joey likes you so much," he began, "thanks for being so cool. I really appreciate it."
"No, thank you, I know how it is to apologize to someone. Especially to a stranger."
"Not a stranger anymore," he smiled. I smiled and got down from the island.
"I'm hungry," I said.
"Yeah, me too," he agreed, " let's see what Joey's got in the fridge." We walked over to the ice box and looked in. Nothing. Well... actually, nothing that we wanted to eat at that time. I looked into the freezer and found some ice cream sandwiches.
"Here let's have this," I said.
"It's 10 o'clock in the morning," he said.
"Your point," I asked waving the ice cream in front of him.
"You're right let's eat," he said as he grabbed for the bar. We spent the next fifteen minutes devouring Joey's ice cream. We ate until there was only one ice cream sandwich left. As we finished our ice cream Chris looked in the box and pulled it out.
"I don't think so, chum," I smiled at him.
"Oh, really?" he started, "it seems to me that I got it. What you gonna do now, kid?" I grabbed for the ice cream and he pulled it away.
"I'm going to get it," I chuckled.
"Bring it on, son," he laughed back. I jumped him. I brought him down to the floor and we began wrestling right there in Joey's kitchen. As we wrestled I guess we got a little noisy, because Joey came into the kitchen to check on us. He walked over to us and looked down with an angry stare.
"What the hell is going on here?" he asked, "you two better stop fighting each other. Don't make me come down there, you guys look like dumbasses." I looked over at Chris who looked back at me and smiled.
"I don't know," I began, "should we?" I asked him. He got this knowing look on his face and he nodded his agreement. I nodded back at him and said "Now." Chris and I each grabbed one of Joey's arms and brought him down to the floor. Then Chris unwrapped the ice cream and we smeared it all over his face. Joey got this look in his eyes that I've only seen twice before. Once when his dad accidentally ran over his bike, and the next when this bully hit me in the nose at school. I knew it meant to get as far away from him as possible.
"Um... Chris?" I nervously asked.
"Yeah?" He responded not seeing the look on Joey's face.
"RUN!!" I yelped just before Joey pushed us off him. Chris and I cut out of the kitchen so fast we created a sonic boom right there. We ran down the hallway and into the den where we were met by confused looks from the rest of the guys.
"What's going on you guys? Did you make up?" JC asked.
"No talk, must run." Chris heaved. Chris' comment was met with confusion from the rest of the guys until Joey bounded into the den, face covered in ice cream looking like he was going to kill somebody. Chris and I went out the front door and into the front yard. Joey came to the door as soon as I jumped down from the porch. Chris and I ran on the lawn trying to escape from a very pissed off Joey.
I was in front of Chris and we headed down to the end of the yard. We almost made it, but Chris tripped on the hose which I narrowly escaped. I tried to turn around and help him, but Joey was on him like funk to a skunk.
Joey grabbed the hose and turned it on Chris. He drenched Chris really badly. By this time the rest of the guys came out on the porch to see what was going on and they started laughing really hard. I stopped running and started laughing too. I was laughing so hard I didn't see Joey get up and start heading towards me.
"Uh, oh," I said to myself as I finally saw Joey come close. There was no time to turn and run as Joey rushed me, so I decided to turn his momentum against him. As he reached me, I grabbed his shoulders and fell to the ground and rolled backwards. I then put my feet underneath Joey and pushed up. I flipped him over onto his back. He just lay there for a moment stunned by the unexpected move. I got up and straddled his stomach looking down at him, he just started laughing.
"Where'd you learn how to do that?" he asked after his laughter died down.
"Terrence was a Judo Sensei," I smiled down at him.
"Terrence? You mean the one who..." he started.
"Yep, the same," I interrupted as JC and Justin came over to us snickering at Joe.
"Looks like you got knocked the fuck out," Justin laughed. I couldn't help it, I started cracking up so hard I fell off Joey. He just hit me on the arm and started laughing too. Chris came over and stood behind JC. JC didn't know he was there until it was too late.
"Come 'ere baby and give me some shuga," Chris said as he began hugging JC really tight.
"Dumb-ass," was all JC could say. When Chris let go both he and JC were so wet they were dripping. I was having a good time just sitting on the lawn with some friends until my training took hold of my thoughts.
"You know," I began, "you guys should get in the house and dry off. I know it's summer here, but you can still catch cold."
"I would believe him if I were ya'll," Joey said. The guys obliged. We all returned into the house. JC and Chris went to put their clothes in the dryer and Joey went to wash his face. I sat in the den with Justin and Lance flipping through channels on TV. We would talk about whatever came on the boob-tube. We decided to turn to Mtv to watch a re-run of The Real World. I don't care much for this show. The people are always freaks and they are so juvenile it should be called the Rugrats.
"Hey, guys. What are we watching," JC asked as he came into the room and sat down next to me and Justin. He was wearing Joey's clothes which were really big on him. I snickered at his appearance along with Justin. "Shut-up," JC said to the both of us.
"The Real World," I answered his question.
"Ugh," he breathed, "I hate this show." I sort of smiled and nodded my head in agreement. We watched it and it seemed like hours before it was finally over. Nobody made a move to change the channel, when a rarity ocurred for Mtv music videos came on, and guess what started them off, "It's Gonna Be Me." The guys sort of laughed, but I didn't really see it as I was beginning to doze off.
( The rain was coming down hard as I entered the church. It had started earlier in the morning just as I had gotten up, alone. I wondered where James was this early in the morning. I got up and walked downstairs and into the kitchen. He usually would make us breakfast whenever he got up early, which was not often. I breathed a sigh of frustration as I grabbed a peach and looked for a note. Nothing. ~He probably went out to get breakfast for us.~ I decided to wash the dishes from last night. ~Odd, there is only one plate and glass here. Oh well, he probably washed his already.~ I started humming to myself as I washed the dishes, thinking of the things we could do together today. After I finished, I had settled on staying in and watching a movie as it rained outside. I smiled to myself as I thought of us just holding each other all day. I loved it when he held me. He made me feel loved, protected, happy, safe, strong, all at once. I decided to see if the living room needed the once over too. I walked into the living room to find his clothes packed into a box and a black suit laying over the sofa.
"What's going on here," I asked in a panicked voice to no one in particular.
Then the realization of what day it was burned itself back into my head and my heart broke, again. He died last week. I have successfully forgotten everyday so far. I got dressed in the suit and walked out to hail a cab.
I got to the church and walked up to the long walkway to the altar. I looked down at my dead lover. I looked at his now bluish face and the image of his dead eyes looked back at me. If I could, I would have cried, but there were no more tears.
I turned to his mother, who I knew very well, and kissed her on the cheek. I shook James' father's hand, and hugged his brother and sister-in-law. They all understood how much we meant to each other. His dad was glad his son was happy, his mom was happy her baby was in love. I walked past them and headed for the door. I couldn't stay any longer, I felt faint.
"Where are you going?" someone called very loudly behind me. I turned around expecting James' father to have come up behind me. It was not James' father.
"Oh, Shit," I yelled out as I stood there cemented to the floor.
"You promised," he held out his hand to me. I couldn't help it this time the tears came in waves. "You promised, John," he yelled again.)
"John! John," someone was shaking me awake. I opened my eyes to find JC, Justin, and Lance all staring down at me.
"Can I help you?" I asked rubbing my eyes.
"You were having a bad dream, I guess," JC said. "One minute you were quiet, the next you said, 'Oh, shit.'"
"Sorry," I said looking at all of them and finally settling my gaze on JC. He looked down at me with concern etched into his brow. I blushed involuntarily, again!!! ~If I blush anymore, my face is going to stay that color.~ "I just had a bad dream," I ended.
"You know, you have a gift for stating the obvious boy," JC smirked. I smiled meekly and looked around the room.
"Where's Joey? I need to talk to him," I said.
"He's in the kitchen," Lance answered.
"Thanks," I said as I got off the couch and went into the kitchen. I found Joey and Chris talking about our friend Colleen.
"Sorry to interrupt," I excused myself, "but Joey I need to speak with you, please." I ended the sentence by looking at Chris who got the hint and made himself scarce. I went over to Joey and hugged him.
"Whoa, little brotha. What's wrong?" he asked.
"I had another dream," I stated in a twelve year old's voice. "Twice in one day, that's got to be a record for me."
"What happened in these dreams?" he asked. I told him the entire story of both the dreams and finally relaxed after getting them off my chest. Joey just looked at me. I could tell he was thinking because I could smell burnt rubber. ~What a minute. That's not suppose to happen.~
"Um... Joey?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking of something to tell you but all I can say is that you are a good person and you should just let go of the past..."
"I know but..." I interrupted.
"It wasn't your fault that James died. Everyone dies..." he started.
"That's true but..." I tried to tell him.
"He loved you and you loved him. Maybe you're just upset that you tried your best and he still died," Joey said. His last statement got my attention. ~I did do my best, but my best wasn't good enough. Maybe, I do blame myself.~ At that moment JC poked his head in the room just as I remembered what I was going to tell Joey.
"Hey, is something burning?" JC asked.
"Son of a..." Joey screamed. I laughed at him. "Why didn't you tell me I was burning the food," he huffed.
"I tried, but you weren't listening to me," I giggled.
"You could have tried harder," he groaned. Joey picked up the pan from the hot stove and placed it into the sink. He started running cold water on it.
"Hey Joey," I said.
"Yeah?" he answered as he poured dishwashing liquid in the pan.
"Where's the nearest pharmacy?" I asked.
"I know where one is," JC said.
"Good. Then you can take me there," I volunteered him, "come let's go upstairs."
"What? Why?" he asked softly and looking at me like I was going to take advantage of him. Joey turned around and smiled.
"Because when you roll with me, you can't be looking like the incredible shrinking man. You're more my size anyway," I stated referring to his huge-ass clothes. He laughed and he followed me upstairs to my room.
I went rummaging through my closet and got him a pair of jeans and a polo. He went into the bathroom to change and I decided to make up my bed, just to kill time. He emerged from the bathroom dressed in my clothes. He looked really... nice.
"So, how do I look?" he asked turning around.
"Umm... like you finally got some taste in clothes. I saw those pants you wore in your last video," I joked.
"Hey, I got taste in clothes," he protested.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, "I meant good taste." We laughed at my comment.
"Jerk," he retorted. I slapped him on the shoulder and we walked downstairs to ask Justin to borrow his car. He through JC the keys and we were on our way. We drove really, really fast down the street. I have never in all my life been so afraid of opening my eyes before. I was grateful at that moment for the innovative and ingenious person who created seatbelts.
"We're here," he said as we came to a drastic halt in front of the pharmacy.
"Is it safe to open my eyes now?" I asked.
"My driving is great, I don't know what the problem is," he sighed.
"Yeah, your driving is perfect," I began, "for the Daytona 500."
"Come on you pussy," he breathed getting out of the car and shutting the door behind him. I followed suit and walked behind him and into the store. Before we got into the store he pulled a cap and sunglasses over his face.
"Yeah, that's real inconspicuous," I snorted, "seeing how not only is it overcast, but you are wearing both sunglasses and a baseball cap, that's not going to draw any attention to yourself."
"You know? Your sarcasm isn't one of your best traits," he stated.
"So I've been told," I sighed. We made our way back to the pharmacy counter and I pulled out my prescription. I handed it to the clerk who read it and looked at me with arched eyebrows.
"Are you sure you need these, kid?" the guy asked.
"Yes, sir," I answered respectfully. He just shook his head and told me it would take ten minutes. JC and I decided to look around the store.
"Hey, you hungry?" he asked.
"Well, kinda," I answered.
"We could go get something to eat after we pick up your prescription," he said looking thoughtful for a second. "What exactly are you getting?"
"Sleeping pills," I answered. "They help me with my bad dreams."
"So, your dream earlier was a reoccurring thing, huh?" he asked.
"Yeah, it's different almost every time, but it's sort of the same, too. If that makes ANY sense."
"It does. What are your dreams about," he asked.
"I'll tell you that when I get to know you a little better," I said with a smile. I only met these guys two days ago. I don't think I'll be telling them any secrets just yet. We got quiet for a moment before I was called for my prescription. We went back to the counter and got the pills and as we headed out of the drug store, something caught JC's eyes.
"My girlfriend loves those," he said referring the flowers in the refrigerator.
"Yeah these are pretty nice," I said as we went over to look at them closer.
JC opened the refrigerator and pulled out about six long stem yellow roses. I looked in the refrigerator and decided to get some flowers for Joey's crib.
"Hey, before we go out to eat, want to meet my girlfriend?" he asked in a smiling tone.
"Sure," I smiled back. He must really like her to be so cheesy when he mentions her name (which is...). "What's her name?"
"I call her Rose," he grinned. I got the reason. We bought our flowers, I decided to go with lavender. Lavender and white are a nice combination for the house (free tip) ;-). Anyway, we left the pharmacy and headed over to his girlfriend's house.
"I wonder if I should call. It's not like me to not call first," he thought aloud.
"If she's home she's home, if she's not then no harm done right?" I said as I drove the way to his girlfriend's house, which was not that far away actually. He directed me down the street and in front of a very nice apartment building. We got out and headed to the fourth floor. He went up to the middle door in the hallway and pulled out his key.
"You two must be serious. For you to have a key, I mean," I said. He nodded his head and opened the door. The apartment was decorated with mainly roses. Pictures and vases of roses stretched as far as the eye could see.
"Rose?" he called out. No answer. He walked over to the bedroom and tried to peek his head through, when someone stuck their head out of the door. I beautiful girl came out of the room as close to the door as her frame would let her. She was dressed in some clothes that looked like she just fell out of bed and put on anything she could find. Her hair was a tousled like she had been working out for hours.
"JC!!" she practically yelled. "Hey honey, why didn't you call before you came over? And who's your friend?" She said as she leaned over for a quick kiss.
"This is Joey's best friend John. We're just hanging out about to go to out to eat. Wanna come, sweetie?"
"Hi John! And no, I can't go out tonight, I got a ton of work to do, so yeah, um... maybe next time," she stammered. She talked so fast that I could barely understand her. She was fidgeting and looked very anxious. I had seen this behavior before. The hurriedly put on clothes, the disheveled hair, the worried anxious look about her. Uh oh.
"JC," I began, "maybe we should leave, so we can let her get back to work."
"What? No, come on Rosie, we'll have you back at an early time. I just want you to get to know my new friend." My stomach hurt. I did not want to be there when he found out. It's so embarrassing.
"No, I got this physics assignment to do and I got an Advanced Calculus test to study for, maybe next time, Josh," she stumbled out.
"That's no problem," I said, "I'll be here for three months so I can meet you later on. I know what it's like to have to do all that studying." I tried my best to convince him to leave. And it worked.
"Ok, then. I'll call you later, babe," he said as he bent down to kiss her.
~Whew.~ I was thrilled that we were home free, I even waved by to the little heifer. He was almost to me when, CRASH. Some sort of glass broke in the bedroom. ~Damn, Damn, Damn!!!~ He turned around to face Rose, her face went white as snow.
"What was that?" he asked.
"The lamp probably fell," she said.
"Well, here, since you don't have any shoes on I'll go and clean it up," he smiled.
"No, no. I mean, I can clean it up," she got in front of the door to block it. I watched as the scene was coming extremely close to unfolding. I knew it was coming. I didn't want to see this guy hurt he is my friend and it's not cool. I tried to think of something, but something told me not to get involved.
"Are you sure?" he asked again. She shook her head and he turned around to leave. "OK, see ya later, sweetie." ~Whew.~ I thought again. We are finally home free. The next thing to happen was the sound a chair makes as it is being dragged across the floor. And guess where it came from. ~D'oh!!!~ I threw my hands up involuntarily. Whoever was in there was the dumbest mother fucker in the world.
"Wha... what was that?" he asked tensing up. He didn't even wait for a reply, he pushed past her and opened the door. He found some guy in the room trying desperately to get dressed. I stood well enough away as I saw JC just stand there looking at the guy. He turned around and looked at his girlfriend, tears were streaming down her face.
"Josh, I am so sorry," she bawled.
"Yeah, whatever," he yelled. I was feeling very uncomfortable at this time.
JC just looked at her and she cried. I could tell he was hurt at what he just discovered and the fact that the woman he loved as crying. I bet he was torn between trying to comfort her or trying to make her suffer. I thought it probably was best to leave. I coughed into my hand to make my presence known. They both looked at me.
"Um... JC," I began, "maybe, maybe we should get out of here." I guess he wanted to say something before he left. And that he did. I never thought this guy, who seems to be very level-headed, could say some of the things he did. I was impressed and anxious at the same time. I quickly went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. It helped to calm him down a little. By this time, Rose was crying hysterically. I pulled on him. I thought that he would resist, but he didn't. I pulled him the whole way out of the building and into the car. I drove us back to Joey's in silence. ~Maybe we should have called first.~