This is my first foray into the world of writing so I hope that you enjoy it. This is a bit of a personal story so I hope it means even a fraction to you what it meant to me to even begin to write it.
As this is my first attempt I'm going to keep it rather short as I don't really know if its going to work!
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I guess it all started when I was about 6 years old. I don't know when I first learned what the word epiphany meant but I certainly had one about that time. I can remember it so clearly now although I have to admit there are times when I wish that single memory wasn't so clear.
It was a chilly night in September and the Local High School Team had just experienced a crushing defeat in their opening game. I had been dragged into serving as the ball boy for the home team (mostly because my dad was a coach) and I had obediently performed my duty without too man mishaps.
As I'm sure happens with all Football Coaches everywhere the game was over and they sat huddled in a little office animatedly talking over the defeat with one another, and attempting to figure out just went wrong.
My dad had sat me down in a chair right outside the office with the warning "don't move from this seat and after we are done I'll take you to McDonalds before we go home."
Being 6 meant that I wasn't going to sit still if I had a gun pointed to my head and so after a few minutes I began to squirm around. From down the hall I could hear a bunch of movement and noise and so naturally I decided to investigate. Ducking under the plate glass window I walked down to the end of the hall to where the player's locker room was.
The players were all in there changing after the game and one of the players (to this day I don't remember who it was saw me standing there.)
"Hey Greg what's going on?" He asked me?
"Nothin I gotta wait around until my dad is done with that stupid meeting and I'm bored" I replied.
"Well if you want you can sit in here, I gotta talk to your dad about some stuff later anyways!" he said.
"Really? Thanks that would be cool." I said
"So how do you think we played." The football player asked me?
"Ehhh I don't know my Dad seems mad but really whats different with that?" I sheepishly replied.
Laughing he ruffled my hair
"Hey Greg I gotta take a shower you be ok till I get done?" he asked me.
"Yeah I'll be fine" I said
"Ok well don't let any of these assholes mess with you ok... I'll be right back" he said
I can remember it well when that football player pulled off his shoulder pads and pants and stood before me for a few brief seconds completely naked. I wouldn't be able to tell you what those feelings I had in those brief seconds were for years but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He had the most amazing stomach I had ever seen (I'm a big big abs guy!) the abs rippled and curved and created a hilly sort of effect and he had the most full hard pecs, well and then of course there was his dick. It was semi-hard and it just sort of hung there. I don't really remember if it was big or anything particular about it but I just remember realizing it was much bigger than my own.
The football player tugged on his dick a few times before he headed off to the shower. I sometimes wonder when I think back on that night whether he knew I was watching and whether he did it on purpose. I like to think that he did.
A little bit later he came back with a towel wrapped around his waste and wet hair and he talked to me while he put his clothes on. After about 5 more minutes my dad came wandering into the locker room looking for me.
"Hey Greg I thought I told you to sit in the chair" he asked me.
"I'm sorry Dad don't be mad I was bored though."
He sighed (family trait) and didn't really respond. At this point the football player jumped into the fray.
"Hey coach I gotta a couple of questions about some of the stuff that happened in the game can we talk about it?" he asked my dad.
"Not right now Big Dog (my dad always called people that) I'll catch you on Monday ok?" he said
"Sure coach have a good one... Greg was no bother he and I were talking football I'll see ya Monday take it easy Greg." He replied as he walked out of the locker room.
"Well ready to go son? Your mom is probably wondering where you are!" my dad asked me.
"Yeah I'm real tired Dad."
"Ok let's go home." He replied
That episode was the first time in my life that I remember looking at another man and being attracted. Now you have to understand something, I didn't go through some sort of revelation or transformation in becoming a gay man. I always knew I was gay (well at least at 6 I had feelings about it!) but it would be years before I fully understood who I was and that process was a really painful one.