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This is story partially based on fact and partially on fiction. I've appreciated everyone's feedback so far and please feel free to drop me an email with any suggestions/comments or whatever. Also I'll apologize now as I serve as my own proof reader for any mistakes that I've made in the writing!
After that football game needless to say I was very interested in volunteering to be the ball boy for future football games. Life continued on in this way for a few years and I slowly grew up.
High School came around and this was the next turning point in my life. I realized rather quickly that I was somehow different than everyone around me. Oh it wasn't the being gay thing (cause I still didn't even know what that was) but I just didn't fit in. I went to a school with a bunch of kids who were already reaching their potentials in life. To so many of my friends and classmates couldn't see past our Senior Year. That to them was the ultimate, the thing they had been looking forward to for years. I on the other hand had gone through all of my high school years feeling disconnected from just about everyone.
I was one of those kids that just couldn't find a niche anywhere. I was very involved in sports all through high school. In fact, I played Football, Basketball, ran Track, and played Golf (hey no comments about the Golf!) and competed on my own in Power Lifting Events all through High School, but I think if you were to ask anyone else at that school that wouldn't have thought of me as a Jock. I excelled in the classroom and was my High School Valedictorian but no one really considered me one of the "smart kids." I sat in the back of all my classes and never raised my hand. I turned in my homework and did exactly as told never stepping out of line or being noticed. I participated in the sports because that's what my Dad wanted and to be honest I enjoyed it too. I was pretty good at most of them and did just enough that people respected my prowess, but not so much that I was considered stellar.
High School to me was simply something I endured in order to get to my goal: College. I'd known all my life that I was going to college. Every thing I had done up until my Senior Year of High School had been in order to go to college. However, my senior year of High School also brought a change that I had not anticipated and was not ready for.
I can remember it very clearly. I came home one day after school and I saw my Mom and Dad sitting in the living room.
"Hi Mom, Dad whatsup..." I said
"Whatsup? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" said my Dad.
My dad's always calling me on the language I choose to use. Anytime I ever said anything like "whatsup" or used the word "Like" in a sentence incorrectly he would call me on it and extol me into using proper English.
"Sorry Dad what's going on? How come you both are sitting in here?" I said
"Greg we have to talk to you" said my Mom.
At this point I was freaking out. Not only were my parents acting really strange but they had me completely off my guard. They were both sitting in our living room which in my house was the sacred room. That was the room that company used. It had the really nice soft plush overstuffed sofas (you know the ones that leave impressions of your ass after you sit in them.) That room was off limits to everyone in the family and was hardly ever used. What the hell were my parents sitting in here for? What had I done? I was frantically searching my brain trying to come up with whatever it was I had done... I sat down in one of the couches and that's when I noticed it.
Sitting on the floor next to my parents was a rather large box. The outside of the box was painted white and had randomly shaped black spots all over the outside. The overall effect was to make the box look like a giant square cow.
"We were going to wait to give this to you for awhile, but your Dad and I decided that it was about time for you to have something to help out with your school work and that you could take to college with you!" said my Mom.
"What?" I asked.
"A computer... We got you a computer. We know you've needed one for a long time but we just didn't really think you were ready for the responsibility yet" Said my Dad.
You have to understand that I grew up in a technologically backwards family.
I think if my parents could have had their way everyone would still be using ink and quill pen to write. For my parents to be telling me that they were getting me a computer was unbelievable. I was so excited and just completely overcome. Up to that point it was the most extravagant gift I'd ever gotten. To be perfectly honest I was already thinking about how I could sneak out of the house and buy a couple of games to play on it (I know I'm a dork!)
I took the box into my room and started immediately setting the computer up.
I know it sounds stupid but I was just so excited, and as I started the computer up for the first time I picked up the discarded instructions (who really uses those anyways) and was looking them over when I made a discovery that was going to change my life. On the second sheet of the instructions was a little blurb about how included with the computer was a complimentary six month subscription to America Online.
I think at this point I need to explain that I went to High School in a really rural area. A lot of agriculture occurred, and for the most part people just didn't have a need for computers or the internet. I can't think of too many friends in high school that had computers and I know almost no one that had access to the internet. If you had to use the internet for anything you pretty much went to the local library and used their computer to access the web.
I now had in my possession a new computer and access to the internet. I went and asked my parents if it was ok for me to log on and after getting their approval I got on the internet (at 17) for the very first time. I don't know if you can remember back to your first foray into the internet but it was mesmerizing. It's amazing how time flies when you're on the internet, now that I'm older I can't even tolerate anything slower than cable internet, and yet back then with my 12 k modem I was simply mesmerized but the cool things you could do.
Just about the time that I finished setting up my first email account, my Mom called me down to dinner.
Later that night...
You ever get something that you're just so thrilled about you can't sleep? Well that was my computer! That night while lying in bed I just couldn't sleep, and so I decided I was going to get up and play around again on the computer. When I logged onto the internet that night it was as if I new that I was going to be doing something naughty or wrong or at least something that my parents wouldn't approve of, and so I wrapped the modem up in my pillow while it went through the whirring and the beeping of logging onto the internet so that my parents wouldn't hear it. Just to be safe I took my towel and put it across the gap in the door too so that no light from the screen would show from under my door.
The funny thing about the internet which I soon learned was that the later you're on it the more likely you are to start looking at sites that you probably wouldn't look at during the day. That's what happened to me. Sitting there all alone in the dark I just could help myself. I was all alone in my room with a new toy and I just had to take it out and see what it could do. What worlds I could uncover... Basically, I was horny and I new the internet had porn on it.
Up until this point I'd never had a girlfriend, just didn't seem interested in having one, but I started out with girl porn. To my amazement I easily found a number of interesting sites and being that I was all alone in the dark of my bed room I also decided to be a bit naughty and take out my dick. My dick is something that I've always been proud of. It isn't huge probably about 7 1/2 to 8 inches and its girth is directly proportional to its length. If my dick were one of the bears in Goldilocks I would imagine that mine would be the one that said "I'm JUST RIGHT!" I've been told by a number of trustworthy people that my dick is actually quite pretty. It just sort of works well. No real big protruding veins, it bulges slightly right before the head and then I have a really nice mushroom shaped head to top it all off. Anyways, so I took it out while I was looking at some girl porn and started playing with it. Imagine my surprise when nothing really seemed to happen. My dick just didn't want to play. So I decided to go on to the next pic, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one well you get the picture. I just couldn't get aroused. Finally, a picture loaded where a girl wasn't by herself in the picture anymore, and instead she was being fucked by a man. Well my cock instantly sprang to attention at this.
Thinking nothing of it at the time I began to slowly stroke my cock shaft up and down in a very slow and methodical way. I was going to have one of those really long jack off sessions where you take your time and do it just right (you know the kind!) I kept catching myself looking at the man in the picture much more than the woman. Damn he was hot. He was one of those really muscle bound studs he had to have been 6'5'' or taller with blond hair cut in one of those surfer/beach volleyball player styles. His pecs were big and meaty, and his abs just rippled with perfection. The rest of his body was also quite spectacular big strong powerful legs and what looked to be an amazing piece of meat hanging between them (couldn't quite tell because it was partially obscured by the woman's mouth DAMN HER!) Needless to say I was on fire. He was so damn hot.
I kept looking at his picture staring into his blue eyes and slowly pulling on my cock. With time my rhythm began to increase slowly until I was really going for it all. Finally, my cock just exploded in my hand I have had a few orgasms in my day and this was one to remember. Cum just flew everywhere. My toes curled up and my entire body became ultra sensitive to any sort of touch.
After I had calmed down I looked around and dammit no lie there was cum all over the damn keyboard and screen. I got my towel off the floor risking letting some light out and cleaned up the keyboard and screen, and the quietly tiptoed out into the hall and put the towel at the bottom of the hamper so my mom wouldn't see it.
Coming back to my room I still wasn't tired and so I sat back down at the computer screen. That picture was still there of the guy and I just couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was then that the pieces in my brain started to fit together. I wasn't naïve or anything I knew was a homosexual was. During my years of sports there weren't too many days that went by where someone didn't get called a "fag" or "homo" out on the playing field and so I understood what it meant. Here I was though and I just couldn't even imagine that's what I was. Why was I attracted to this picture of a guy? I mean that wasn't natural was it? What the fuck? I didn't want to be one of those fags and I certainly didn't want anyone else to know anything about me. Problem was I didn't know what a "fag" was. All I new was it had something to do with men having sex with other men.
It was about this point that my brain came back online I calmed down and my intelligent side started to take over. I pulled out a binder than had come with the computer and began looking through it for a specific CD. Ahhhh there it was The Family Doctor. It was some lame ass computer CD that had come with my computer free and I figured maybe it had something to say about my problem. I loaded the CD and entered into its search bar "fag".
Nothing came up.
I tried again "homo"
This time two links popped up and I clicked on the first one "homosexuality"
The CD loaded page after page of information about homosexuals. I was mesmerized. I read and read for at least a couple of hours trying to figure this whole thing out.
Now at this point some of you may be wondering "what the hell is the matter with this kid? How could he not know?" Well I was raised like I said in a small rural farming community. Kids where I was from got married at 18 started having kids immediately, and worked on Daddy's farm until Dad died and you took over. That sort of cycle breeds ignorance, and I just didn't know. I seriously doubt to this day that there has ever been or ever will be a homosexual male that will live where I grew up. It just wouldn't work!
After reading through the information that the Family Doctor had on it I still wasn't satisfied, so I got back on the internet (again grabbing for the pillow). This time I started looking up other kids of websites. Gay ones. One of the very first sites that I clicked on had the option of creating an online profile (sort of a dating thing) and at this point I was curious and so I set one up. I put in my stats 6'5'' 210#'s athletic 18 years old (I learned how to lie about my age quick!) looking for: Friends, People to Talk to.
With that all done I was starting to get really tired and so I decided enough was enough and that I should probably go to bed. Shutting down the computer I took one more look around the room looking for any stray cum that I'd missed and crawled into bed. Sleep that night wasn't really in the cards and so I lay there drifting in and out of a fitful sleep trying to make sense in my head about everything that I had done on that computer and seen on the internet.
To be continued...