Filling in for Amanda

FILLING IN FOR AMANDA or LAB.TXT by Waldo

Chapter 1 -- My lab Chapter 2 - Exploration9 Chapter 3 - Meeting other people Chapter 4 - Nick Chapter 5 - Introducing Renee Chapter 6 - The medical exam Chapter 7 - Behind locked doors Chapter 8 - Was it as good for you as .... Chapter 9 - The fight Chapter 10 - My mental condition Chapter 11 - Telling the girls Chapter 12 - The Gauntlet of questions Chapter 13 - The shower Chapter 14 - The Shopping Chapter 15 - The new me

This is a story about a man who accidently gets turned into an almost identical clone of one of his daughters. Except that the clone is a she-male. At first the daughter is away in school, so he is mistakened by her friends and the younger daughter as being the real thing. But as time goes on, he realizes that he must develop his own identity and let his daughter have her identity. An acceptable identity is as the cousin of the daughter.

It gets further complicated when the daughter's old boyfriends try to re-establish the old relationships. As our hero-ine starts adapting to the permanent sex/identity change, a new boyfriend steps in. One that our hero-ine is attracted to.

Then the cloned daughter comes home from school and it's time to face the music about what happened to dear old Dad and why the female clone cuz knows so much about the family, while the family knows nothing about her. It becomes time to face the music and confess. Everyone reacts slightly different and a new family relationship is established.

And then..... Every story has to end sooner of later.

Anyone familar with my writing style knows that I try to develop plot and characters, then include just a little sex into the story. So if you are looking for straight sex, you won't find it here. Just a small novel of 300,000 characters that's about 145 pages long.

As noted above, this plot deals with gender changes. It is quite graphic in some areas, so anyone that is a minor or does not like gender stories or sex stories, should not read the story.

Waldo

Filling in for Amanda or LAB.TXT. by Waldo

Chapter 1 -- My lab

I made my money by being a research chemist for a major research company, which believed in sharing it's successes with the employees. Most people haven't heard of my name or the product that I invented, but everyone has to use my product, for which all the major petroleum companies still pay royalties to me. When my additive is added to the gasoline within the gas pump, it causes the gasoline to ignite more forcefully. Thus the more robust the gasoline explosion, the more powerful the car and the better gas mileage that your car gets. Granted it only averages about three miles per tank of gasoline, but if you multiply that by the millions of cars in the world, you can see why I don't have to work anymore. Because of the royalties from that simple additive, I'm rich.

I quit working at age 42. That was five years ago. I retired young so that we could enjoy our newly earned financial independence. My wife, three teen-age daughters, and I moved to Santa Fe where we bought a little ranch and some open land. We wanted to get away from the never ending rat race. Away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

The first four years of our retirement were wonderful. Then my wife had a fatal heart attack and died in the vegetable aisle while she was doing her weekly grocery shopping. She had completed a total medical physical only five weeks before with the doctor finding no medical problems. The medical exam pronounced her as being in perfect health for being a forty-six year old woman.

I was left alone in our big house, without my wife of twenty-four years to share my life. After two months of moping around feeling sorry for myself and missing her, something clicked, pulling me out of my self- imposed lethargy. Why hadn't the medical physical examination detected any problems with my wife? You'd think that with all of the sophisticated medical testing procedures available, that some symptom would have been noticed that could have warned us of her imminent fatal condition. And what could happen if my daughters have the same hidden medical problems? Am I going to let them die, when there is something that somehow I could use my skills to help save their lives?

Fired up with my mission, I got rid of all of my woodworking tools that I played with to keep my retirement busy. In only a few days, I cleaned out my old workshop building out back and turned it into a small private medical lab. To get it operational, I bought almost a million dollars worth of lab equipment to test and evaluate everything on the human body that can be analyzed.

I locked myself in the library for two weeks of twenty hour days, reading every medical textbook and laboratory procedure. Then I collected every type of sample that could be collected from my daughters. I concentrated on them, because it was their lives I was interested in saving, instead of my own life. They didn't mind the urine, the feces, the hair samples, the skin scrapings or the blood, but when I requested samples of their cum; they got a little upset with my preoccupation with this project.

My two oldest daughters attend an expensive out-of- state college, thanks to my money. The youngest girl is a high school senior and still living with me. The youngest girl, Cathy, is the daughter with the highest promise of becoming a successful adult. She really has her head on her shoulders for her age and studies hard to make good grades. The other two daughters, Amanda and Linda, are going to school, just so that they can be away from home and meet boys. They couldn't care less about grades or selecting a career. They chose the college because of the social opportunities instead of its educational benefits. I knew that they were enjoying the sexual benefits of being attractive young females away from home. But what can I do?

Although all three of them argued repeatedly against my project, I finally got the college girls to provide samples of their cum. They did it only to humor me and to get me to quit talking to them about it. Cathy refused to contribute anything that personal to my research. She has repeatedly declined all of my requests.

Using my new equipment, I broke the samples down into their respective chemical components. Then I analyzed the samples using every known test to look for relationships and differences in the chemical's makeup. For almost ten months now, I've obtained multiple samples from my three daughters and compared the new samples with previous samples, hoping to find something that might someday save one of their lives.

And that's how the accident occurred.

I was rushing a lot of my experiments, doing multiple tests, when one of my chemically treated samples exploded in my hand. It wasn't much of an explosion, but it shattered the test tube that I was holding in my hand, cutting my hand. I jumped from the surprise, falling backwards into a table, knocking over a rack of chemicals, which started a heavy chemical fog. I barely got out of the lab before the fire started. If I hadn't lain on the floor and crawled through the haze, I could've perished in the fire. As it was, I got some scratches on my legs from where I crawled through the spilt chemicals.

By the time, the local volunteer fire department got to my ranch, my old workshop lab had burnt down to the ground, with all of my experiment records. There was nothing the fire department could do, except to bandage my hand and examine the minor cuts on my legs. They also wrote me a citation for failure to possess adequate fire prevention equipment in my workshop. They told me that I would have to bear the cost of cleaning up the mess and ensuring that the chemicals didn't contaminate the soil. A specialist would be brought in to examine my fire.

When my youngest daughter came home from high school, she found me sitting in the driveway, staring at the burnt out shell of a building.

"The principal found out about the fire as school was getting out. He caught me as I was walking to my car. I rushed straight home. Are you all right Daddy?" Cathy asked as she sat down on the asphalt beside me. She wiped a tear from my smoke covered cheek with her soft hand.

I held up my bandaged hand as I replied "This is the major physical wound. That I can easily recover from. The real damage is my mental wound, which is much larger. Do I start over, Cathy? I was very frustrated with what I'd found so far in my many months of heavy research. I was grasping at straws for the last several weeks, trying to find anything positive to keep me going. I was mixing strange compounds, unsure what effect could occur, and ignoring dangerous combinations. I wanted to find something, but I went through all possible answers the first week. For the last eight months, I've been unable to obtain anything that could add to the knowledge base that already exists in this field. My experiments have been on the outer fringe of mixing unknown compounds with the samples of human body fluids that I've been obtaining from you girls."

"Daddy, do whatever you have to do. Speaking for Linda and Amanda, we don't want to lose you. We know that you're doing this for us, but you've changed because of your dedication to what we consider stupid research. You ignore us because you're always so busy in the lab. You can't bring Mommy back and we don't want to lose you too. We want you to quit your experiments and spend more time with us." she sighed as she hugged me and leaned against me.

In a clearly despondent voice, I muttered "I'm very tired. You may be right. I'll think about your suggestion. Maybe I won't rebuild the lab. I could use some fishing, just relaxing. I might take a little vacation and travel for a while." as I stood and helped her to her feet.

We walked into the house, never looking back at the shell of my burned out lab. She fixed me a late lunch because I'd been too busy again to eat anything. While I was eating my lunch, Amanda, the oldest daughter called. One of her local friends had called her at college to tell her about my fire.

"Daddy, you can't have a lab anymore. Its just too dangerous, with all those powerful chemicals. We lost our mother too soon and don't want anything to happen to you. Promise me that you won't re-build it." she pleaded over the phone.

"Honey, I'm all right. Just some minor cuts and a lot of mental anguish over the major damage done by the fire. Otherwise I'm all right. Cathy has already beat me up over the lab and made the same recommendation. I don't think that I'm going to do anything about it for several weeks while I try to figure out what needs to be done." I shrugged, hearing my very tired voice.

"Well, if you need me, I can come home early. School is out in only ten more days and then Linda will be home for three weeks. I've another five days after that to finish up the tennis tournament that I'm in. Are you sure that you wouldn't want to come down here and watch me play tennis?" she asked, trying to get me to her school where she could watch over me. Since my wife's death, she had tried to pick up the role of being mother to our family.

"No, sweetheart. I just need to relax, forget about my project and clean this place up a little. I'll see you when school is out." I answered, trying to make my voice sound upbeat.

We chatted for a couple more minutes before we voiced our good-byes. I looked at the wall clock, seeing it was now only a little after five in the afternoon. I felt very weary after the long, brutal, frustrating day. I told Cathy that I was going to go to bed early. She was used to me sleeping odd hours from where I worked my long hours in the lab at night, so she gave me a good night hug.

I walked upstairs and down the corridor to my room, which was the master bedroom. As I entered the room, I looked at the eight by ten family portrait that I kept on the dresser. It was the last picture of my family before my wife died. Amanda and Linda had changed very little since the portrait had been taken. Physically changed, that is. Linda cried constantly when my wife died and was helpless for a couple of weeks, before she found solace in the church. She recovered from her mother's death but now heavily used the bible as rationale for a lot of her decisions and lifestyle.

Amanda also changed. As a little kid, she was always headstrong and bossy. She only cried once and then kept herself busy taking care of her mother's affairs. She became more aggressive and argumentative as she tried to force her opinions on the other girls, and also on me. The night before the funeral, I'd to put my foot down on her demands. She stomped out of the house, returning sometime in the middle of the night. She never said another word about whatever we argued over, but she put a wall up between us.

Only Cathy was the same person mentally after the funeral. But Cathy did grow up, filled out, and changed her little girl look to her new cheerleader look. She was petite, about five feet two inches tall, weighed 105 pounds and still had a baby face. She had naturally blonde hair that she wore just above her shoulders.

I was proud of the way that all of my girls looked. They were all very beautiful girls, for which I was grateful. Girls hell, they were all young women now. Although they would always be my girls, I had to change my relationship with them as they grew older, so that I was a friend as much as a parent.

I undressed, throwed away my damaged clothing, took a good hot shower, put my pajama top on, lay down on the bed and tried to go straight to sleep. I used to sleep in a full set of pajamas but after I met my wife in college, I never put the bottoms on again. I liked the way that she would gently wake me up by playing with me. The only reason that I kept wearing the pajama top, was because I like to sleep out from the covers. Wearing the top kept my chest a little warm.

My sleep was more restless than normal. I vaguely remember dreaming a lot of weird dreams. The dreams were flashbacks of my family life, except they weren't from my viewpoint. I was in my dreams, but I was a different person. My dreams were about growing up as a girl, with me being just one of the girls. Maybe that is why I tossed and turned all night. Although I was asleep, I felt that I was always on the fringes of being awake.

I woke up feeling groggy, but very rested; although it was still dark outside. Looking at the illuminated clock, I saw that it was only three am. I guess that I woke up because I felt hot and clammy. I also had to pee badly.

I staggered out of bed, still mostly asleep, wandering through the dark bedroom into my private bathroom. My reflexes turned on the bathroom light so that I could see where I was going to pee. I squinted my eyes from the bright light, peeking through half-closed eyes as I looked for the commode. I stood in front of the commode as I lifted the seat. Funny but I still lift the commode seat then made sure to put it down when I finished peeing. My wife didn't have many pet peeves with my habits except she hated to see a commode seat up.

With eyes still mostly glazed over with sleep, I used my unbandaged hand to quickly find my penis without having to look for it. After all, it has been in the same place on my body for 47 years now.

As I peed, I slowly woke up a little; although my eyes were still half closed to keep the bright light out. I shook my penis, to shake off the couple of remaining drops, flushed the commode, and put the seat back down. I turned around, as I reached for the light switch to turn it off. As I turned it off, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. It only took a second for something to sink in on me that something was wrong with my reflection. I felt a sense of wrongness, of something very different about myself. I turned the light back on to look at my reflection very carefully.

I didn't see myself in the mirror. Instead I saw the image of Amanda in my pajama tops reflected in the mirror. I looked down at my body to see female breasts pushing out against the front of the pajama material. There were nipples on the breasts poking through the material. With one quick motion, I started unbuttoning the pajama top. I also noticed that my hands had changed into a woman's hands.

In less than two seconds, I'd the pajama top off so that I was standing naked, looking at myself in the mirror. Somehow, I'd changed into a clone of my daughter, Amanda. Or what I think a clone of my oldest daughter would look like, with a penis and short haircut.

Chapter 2 - Exploration

I've always been a scientist and try to keep from jumping to rash conclusions before I clearly examine all of the available evidence. Although I wanted to examine the most obvious feature first, which was the female breasts, I paused for a moment to take control of my very shaken emotions. I first determined that I was awake, therefore this couldn't be a dream. After taking a deep breath, I started examining myself from the head down, using a logical and systematic approach.

I touched my face's tender skin as I examined the reflection in the mirror. It was Amanda's face but it had my haircut. I looked at the hair line and saw traces of heavy fuzz among my widow peak in the front and in the area where my hair is thinning in the back. It was new hair growth that hadn't been there yesterday. While it was my hair style that I had for almost thirty years, it was her natural hair color, before she changed her hair color.

I felt my chin, hoping to find the ever present beard stubble, but my face was just as smooth and soft as a baby's behind; without a trace of masculine facial hair. This face had never been shaved.

It was her face. I now had her perky nose, her full lips that she inherited from her mother and her high cheekbones. The eyebrows were full and weren't her current plucked style. The eyelashes were long and wavy. And the eyes had changed color from my dark brown eyes to her light blue eyes. As I stared at the new eyes, I realized that I didn't need glasses to see now. So not only had my eyes changed, but also my vision had improved.

The ears were also different and looked like Amanda's ears except there were no pierced holes or sets of earrings that she normally wore in her earlobes. The neck was slender with no trace of my formerly prominent adam's apple. My new neck appeared almost fragile after being used to my wide neck all of my life.

My new face was narrow and angular; instead of being broad and laden with graying whiskers. It was the face of a beautiful nineteen years old girl, not a middle-age man. The face of Amanda Palance.

My shoulders were very narrow now or were narrow compared to what I was used to having. Hanging off my chest were a set of perfect perky boobs. They looked the way my wife's boobs looked when we first married before she became pregnant. I cupped them with my hands and determined that they felt very real. I also discovered that they were very sensitive. The nipples were almost three quarters of an inch long and were very firm. While I could verify that my face was a clone of Amanda's face, I couldn't verify that the breasts were her breasts; because I hadn't seen her naked body since she was twelve years old. But looking at them, I had to assume that this portion of my new body was also a clone of Amanda's body.

My very slender new arms had lost all of their normal male muscle mass and dark body hair. I couldn't wrap my hand around my larger male wrist, but my new female wrist could be easily circled by my long, slender fingers.

My hands were also different. I ripped off the now oversized bandage from the cut to see that my cuts were all healed. My hands were small and my fingers were slender, instead of stout. My fingernails were my normal length fingernails and weren't the long fingernails that Amanda usually wears.

I looked at my narrow waist and the jutting hips. I turned around so that I could observe the fuller ass cheeks and wider hips in the mirror. Then I looked at my penis. For some reason, I was relieved to confirm that I still had one. It looked very normal. That is, as normal as a penis looked on a teen-age girl's body.

Then I saw a major difference. My testicles were much smaller. I examined the sac to discover that there was only one testicle instead of the normal two. And the remaining testicle appeared to be smaller. It was perhaps only two thirds the size that I remembered. The sac also shrank to conform to the smaller testicle. For whatever reason, just as more than half of my body had changed into a woman's body, also more than half of my testicles had disappeared as if it never existed.

Looking at my penis, I wasn't sure if it was the same size either. A soft shrunken penis looks almost the same all the time.

I stared at my unshaven woman's legs. My legs had always been muscular so that they looked like a pair of pylons. My new legs were slender and shapely. I searched for an old scar that I'd obtained in the Boy Scouts, but it was gone. My legs showed no evidence of the scaring from the bicycle wreck.

Finally, I looked at the feet to see that they had also changed to be much smaller and petite. The toenails looked funny because I was so used to Amanda's painted toenails. Seeing her feet without seeing the red nailpolish made them look slightly strange.

I looked back at my complete image in the mirror. I had to confirm that my body had changed into what I thought was an almost mirror image of what I imagined Amanda's body to look like, except for the fingernails, haircut, hair color, and penis. There were some details that I wasn't sure because I hadn't seen her naked body in many years. But from what I remembered seeing when she had her bathing suit on, this was an almost perfect clone of her body.

I walked back out into my bedroom and turned on the overhead light. Then I sat down in my easy chair to think about my discoveries so far. When I sat down, I immediately noticed that the chair was much bigger than it used to be. I realized that the chair wasn't bigger, but that I was now smaller and narrower so it made familiar objects appear bigger.

I sat in my chair so that I could think about what was happening to me. I tried to collect my thoughts, knowing that I needed to take my time evaluating what had happened to me. But I was very confused. After taking a deep breath, I start speaking out loud the facts that I knew so far.

"First I've changed overnight, while I slept because of unknown reasons. I've got to believe that this change occurred because of the chemicals and fire." I noted, with an involuntary shudder as I heard my words but Amanda's voice.

"Second, I now exist in what appears to be a woman's body. This body is smaller and slighter than my real body. Somehow, I've lost over eighty pounds and six inches of height. It has all the general appearances of being a normal woman's body, however I don't consider it to be a woman's body because of the penis. However, anyone looking at me without seeing the penis would certainly concur that I've a woman's body."

"Third, I think that it's a clone of my oldest daughter's body, with three major exceptions. The hair, the fingernails, and the penis, which are all three remnants of my former body. I still have testicles, but only one, which appears to be slightly smaller than my former testicle. Why those four remnants exist, I don't know. The basic fact is that my new body appears to be a clone of my daughter's body. I know that I was working on several of her DNA samples when the lab was destroyed."

"Four, I'm still changing slightly I think. I've some light fuzz in my hairline that I haven't had before. It appears to be my hairline filling back out to what would be normal for Amanda. Why did this not change or why is it changing now? Does this mean that my penis will turn into a vagina soon if I continue to change?"

"Fifth, I appear to be young. My apparent age is nineteen years old, which corresponds with my daughters age. Are my internal organs now nineteen or forty-seven? My breasts appear to be developed teenage female breasts but what age is my cock? With it's wrinkles and foreskin, age of a penis is difficult to determine. The pubic hair is dark while my former pubic hair had some gray hairs."

As calmly as possible, I exclaimed "My name is Richard Palance and my oldest daughter's name is Amanda. The word Vinegar, Tabasco, and Carolina have always been difficult for me to pronounce correctly." as I listened to the spoken words. I was positive that it was her voice that I was hearing.

"Sixth, my voice now sounds exactly like her voice, but it still has my general pronunciation and clipped speech patterns. The speech patterns, which I learned as I grew up in New Jersey. Not Amanda's more southern, pronunciation or soft speech patterns. Amanda frequently makes fun of my pronunciation of some words. My new voice sounds like her mimicking me."

"Seventh, I don't have any witness that have observed this change or anyone that can verify that I'm who I claim to be. For all practical purposes, Richard Palance doesn't exist anymore."

I looked at my hands as I wondered if these were my fingerprints or her fingerprints. Then I decided with the slender and longer fingers, that my patterns would have changed, even if I kept them. So my new fingerprints were probably not similar to the ones on file for Richard Palance.

"Eight, only my daughters can verify my identity now. Verification of my identity could only be accomplished by questions and answers that only I know. They are the only ones that could ask me questions that only I would know. Their opinion may or may not stand up in a courtroom, if proving my original identity becomes an issue."

"Ninth, my change was probably caused by the unknown mixture of chemicals and the cuts that I received during the fire. There is no way to duplicate it or know the combination of chemicals that produced this change in me."

"Tenth, I've no way of determining if this change is permanent or if other changes will occur." hearing a tremor in my voice; as my quickly jumped through all sorts of tangents that could still occur.

"Eleventh, I'm a sexual ambiguity. I'm neither female nor male. I've the overall appearances of a woman, but the sexual equipment of a man. While I've not dated anyone since my wife died, any woman that I approach from now on, would think that I was a woman. If I reveal my cock, they'll think that I'm a she-male and converted myself into an almost woman. Any woman that dated me would have to have lesbian tendencies because of my overall feminine appearance. If I date a man, he would have to accept me as the ambiguity that I'm now. I think that most men wouldn't accept finding a cock between my legs. I know that I would have punched out anyone that tried to fool me. I don't know at this time, if I'm a woman or a man for sexual purposes. I also don't know if my sexual preferences have changed because of my new body." Then another difference struck me.

"Twelve, are my hormones male or female. If my body is producing female hormones, my body will continue to develop with the female characteristics, but my penis will quit functioning sexually, eventually turning into something that is just a pee spout. If my body is producing male hormones, then my feminine appearance will change over time. Remembering my college classes, male hormones will make my body thicker, hairier and can result in resumed facial growth. What will Amanda look like with a beard? Will I change into a more androgynous looking individual over time?"

"Thirteen, all of my male clothes don't fit my new slender, smaller, female body shape. I'll have to wear Amanda's clothes until I can get some of my own. Like it or not, I'll have to maintain an feminine image until such time as I decide what to do with my appearance."

"Fourteen, because of my uncanny cloned appearance as Amanda, I'll have to make sure that I don't get her in trouble. Anyone seeing me will think that it's Amanda. Not that I plan on getting her in trouble, but our lives just became more interwoven. My new temporary identity will have to be Amanda's identity until such time as I can establish my own separate, new identity."

I stood, walked back into the bathroom and looked at my naked body in the mirrors again. I tucked my penis between my legs, pulling it back while holding my legs together as I looked at my mirror reflection. I knew that it was a mirror image of what Amanda must see everytime that she looks into a mirror when she is naked.

I looked at the clock. It was five-thirty now. Cathy will be getting up in about an hour to get ready for school. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew that I was going to do something that required me to be clothed. I'll have to put on some of Amanda's clothes. I slip on one of my now oversized robes, then walk quietly down the hall, past the guest bedroom to Amanda's room. After I entered her room and shut the door, I turn on the light.

I opened her underwear drawer. I selected a pair of plain white silk panties. I took my robe off before examining the panties to determine which was the front. I held up the panties, discovering that the smoothness of the fabric fascinated me. Closing my eyes, not really sure I wanted to do this, I put them on. I felt goosebumps as I pulled them up my legs. I had felt my wife's panties before but I had never realized how really soft a panty was, when you were wearing it. They felt so nice as I pulled them up, even if they did look funny, with my cock jutting against the front. I tucked my cock back between my legs and squeezed it between my legs while I looked in the mirror. With the panties on, it was definitely a woman's image that I saw reflected. I studied myself in the mirror as I thought that I don't really need to wear a bra with these firm breasts, but I don't want to have anyone stare at my jiggling breasts.

I selected a matching white silk bra and inserted my arms through the bra straps then tried to fasten it behind me. I discovered that I can't reach back there. Then I remembered that my wife used to fasten it in front and rotate it. I shivered as the lacy fabric slid over my breasts, and I felt my face flush as my nipples became erect from the rubbing of the gentle fabric. While that procedure worked, the bra still felt tight. I adjusted the bra until it felt more comfortable, recognizing that it'll never be too comfortable. The bra felt so soft against my skin and my breasts felt better now that they are properly supported. I smiled again at the image of the woman reflected in the mirror. If I ignored the masculine short haircut, I saw a one hundred percent woman.

I selected a pair of jeans and pulled them on. At first, I thought that I'm too big to get into these jeans that should fit my body. Then I remember that she always wore tight jeans. With a little pulling, I'm able to pull them on and button the snap button. I looked again in the mirror at the way the jeans made my butt look tight. Why do teenagers have to dress this way? Can't they wear clothes that fit properly?

I selected a white plain blouse from the closet as I slipped it on. I had problems buttoning it until I realized that the buttons are reversed from the side that I'm used to.

I hear an alarm clock go off in one of the other bedrooms. Then it shuts up as Cathy turned it off. I turned off the light, lay down on Amanda's bed and waited for Cathy to get dressed and to go to school. I can't let her see me like this yet.

Chapter 3 - Meeting other people

I lay on Amanda's bed thinking about everything that I've discovered so far. My mind was trying to organize all of the facts when the bedroom door opened, then Cathy turned on the light.

I sit up quickly and just stare at her, not really sure what to say. She is wearing only a little tie-dye tanktop that she sleeps in and matching panties. The tanktop is clinging to her filled-out bra-less breasts. She jumps causing her breasts to bounce then she smiles as she says quickly "Shit. You scared me. I didn't know you were coming home early. I just want to borrow your brown skirt to wear to school today."

She thought that I was Amanda because I was lying in Amanda's bed, had on Amanda's clothes, and looked like Amanda. She looked at me kinda puzzled before she says "That's a far out haircut. Looks like dad's haircut. Some girls in school have similar styles, but I like the longer look. Well, can I borrow your skirt?"

I nodded my head yes and she walks to the closet. I watched the way that she jiggles as she walks, feeling mixed emotions. It was difficult to keep from staring at her perky breasts and the way they bounced under her shirt material. I was proud of her healthy body, but at the same time, I was perturbed at the way that she was filling out. My little girl had been growing up while I was sulking in my lab. My memory of her boobies when I last saw her, wasn't of something the size of jiggling oranges, but more along the size of fried eggs. With a body like that, I'll have to protect her from the boys that will be hanging around the house.

Then it hit me. With a body like my new body, I'll have to protect myself first. I remembered all of those high school boys that used to come over to study with Amanda, that will think that I'm now her.

As Cathy searched through the closet, she says "Dad's all right. We just need to keep him out of the lab. It wouldn't hurt him to get laid either. He's stayed too much at home since Mom died. I tried to introduce him to my friend's mother, but he wasn't interested. We need to gang up on him to help him realize that life must go on and he must adapt to his lifestyle changes. Do you have a belt for this skirt? I didn't know you had this one." as she pulls a skirt out, holding it up against her body.

She didn't give me time to reply as she continued "Remember Jeff Hawkins. He's rented a motel room for Friday night. I've been trying to figure out how to get out of the house without worrying Dad. I thought about using that trick that you told me about, but I've been saving it for when I really need it. What do you think I should tell Dad?" as she looked directly at me.

I had to say something. I took a deep breath and answered "Go. I don't think that he'll object. After all, you're seventeen now."

She bit her lower lip and shrugged "I know. I just hate lying to him about where I'm going. He still thinks that I'm his little girl and that I don't know anything about sex. If he only knew some of the things that I've done in the last three years. Well, I've got to get ready for school or I won't be able to get a student parking spot. See you when I get home."

She walked out of the room, shutting the door as she left. A couple of minutes later, I heard her down in the kitchen. I stayed in Amanda's room until I heard Cathy's car start.

I decided that I needed some tests done on me to see what I really am. Am I male or female? If my lab still existed, I could do most of the tests myself. But now, I need to have someone else test me. Which means that I've got to leave the house, dressed as Amanda, looking like Amanda. Only I can't act like Amanda.

I walked into her bathroom, taking a good long look at myself in her bathroom mirror. My old college hairstyle didn't look good on a woman. I selected a hairbrush and started brushing my hair, trying to make it look more feminine. With a little bit of hair spray, I was able to make a mess of it. No matter what I did, it didn't look right with this face. I searched through a pile of her clothes in her closet until I found her old high school baseball cap. I put it on, covering up my hair.

Returning to the mirror, I knew that something had to be done with my face, but I wasn't sure what or how. I selected a tube of lipstick and carefully applied a little lipstick on my lips. I knew that Amanda wouldn't leave the house looking like this. She does something else to her eyes and cheeks but I didn't know what. I saw all of her various cosmetics on the shelf but was afraid to experiment. My wife wore make-up and I watched her sometimes as she put it on, but I never paid any attention to how she did it. I placed the tube of lipstick into my jeans pocket before I go back to my master bedroom.

I picked up my billfold and carkeys. before realizing that I didn't have any identification to write any checks or use the credit cards made out to my male name. I tried to put my billfold into my jeans' pocket, but it wouldn't fit into the too tight jeans. I went back to her room, looking for a purse to carry the billfold. As I opened a purse, I saw a couple of tampaxes mixed in with the assorted make-up. As least with my penis, I wouldn't have to worry about having to use those damn things. Or would I? While I don't have a vagina, I do have other female characteristics. I could still be subject to some type of menstruation.

I walked out to the garage but couldn't get into my car at first. The tube of lipstick in my tight jeans hurt so I took it out, putting it into the purse with the rest of the potpourri items that women think they have to carry with them.

I slid into the car seat, discovering that the seat had to be adjusted closer, then all of the mirrors adjusted so that my smaller body could drive. I carefully backed the car out realizing that I couldn't see out of the car as well now. I drove carefully to town, being careful to stay below the speed limit. Driving without a license, I didn't need to be pulled over by any local cops.

I found a place to park in the hospital parking lot. As I walked into the Emergency Room, some boy called out "Hello Amanda." as he smiled, trying to get my attention.

I looked up at him but didn't know him. He wasn't tall, but I felt short because of my new smaller height. I kept walking until I found the Lab.

"Yes, can I help you?" the technician asked, in a repetitive monotone; not even looking up at me.

"I want to have a compete set of blood work done on myself." I replied in what I hoped was an appropriately sounding confident tone.

"We can't do tests without an authorized doctor's signature requesting specific tests. Only thing that I can do on your personal request is an Aids test. Is that what you want?" he responded as he smiled at me, with what I imagined to be a slight leer.

"No, I'll be back soon. I forgot to bring the paperwork with me." I sighed then walked out of the hospital

I drove over to Doctor Johnson's place, only to discover his locked door and that office hours didn't start for another two hours. I walked back to the car, leaning against it as I thought about what to tell the doctor. I didn't pay any attention to an slowly approaching car, until the driver says "Welcome home."

I recognized Tommy what's-his-name that was a high school boyfriend of Amanda's. I forced myself to smile and say "Hi Tommy." being careful to speak slowly and softly to mimic Amanda's speech patterns.

He leaned against my car as he says "I broke up with Marisa. How about going to the party out at the lake with me later this week?"

I stammered "I just got back home. I've got to look after my Dad."

He leaned closer as he whispered "I still have the keys to my old man's lake cabin. Remember that view of the lake and how you enjoyed swimming naked in the moonlight?"

I knew my face blushed as I tried to decide if I should hit him or accept his offer. For some reason, I felt very comfortable being around Tommy. I felt warm and funny inside as I looked at him and talked to him. Am I attracted to him sexually? I didn't know what I was feeling or why I was feeling this way. I decided that I needed to investigate this strange feeling a little more before I made any commitments. After all, I need to determine what turns me on. What better place to do that than at a party?

"Why don't you call me at home later and let's talk about it." I suggested, using that as a method to postpone making a decision.

"Cool. Well, I need to go clock in. Us working stiffs have to be at work on time. I like your new hairstyle." he declared as he walked away.

Bull shit. I knew that he really liked it because of the body that it was on. If it was purple, he would have liked it just as much. I was young, male and horny once myself.

Finally the doctor's office opened so that I could get in. I managed to talk my way into an impromptu visit with the doctor, who had been a close family friend ever since we moved here.

"Hi, Amanda, come on in. Tell me what is going on with you where I must to see you today. You don't suspect that you're pregnant, do you?" he asked as I entered his office.

I sat down and suggested slowly trying to match Amanda's phrasing "I need to have a complete physical. Dad is working on something and he has to have an accurate, current physical on me."

He frowned as he asked "He's not injecting or giving you anything is he?"

"No, he's still testing my blood work but he wants a comparison." I lied.

"I've a busy schedule today, but I'll arrange for the tests and lab-work. Then I'll work you in tomorrow's schedule. It'll probably be the first of the week before I can get you in to see an gynecologist. How long has it been since you had a pap smear?" he requested as he filled out some lab slips.

I was glad that his attention was diverted because I forgot that a complete physical would include looking for normal vagina functions. After he filled out the lab paperwork and scheduled me for the following day, I returned to the lab to have the blood work drawn.

After I got the labwork completed, I was starved so I went into McDonalds to get something to eat. The girl behind the counter said "Hi, Amanda. I didn't know that you were home. Are you going to the party?"

I didn't know her either, but apparently she knew Amanda. I tried to smile the way Amanda smiles as I responded "I just found out about it. I'm thinking about it but haven't made my mind up yet."

"Good. I like your hairstyle. I thought about getting my hair cut short during the summer. It's so much easier to take care of." she declared as she rang up my order.

Then she leaned forward as she whispered "Tommy knocked up Marisa. When she told him, he dropped her. So he's available again."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded my head. Another customer came up so the girl said "Call me at home later. I'll bring you up to date on who is doing what while you're at school."

I picked up my tray and went outside to eat my food at one of the outdoor tables. I was about half way finished when Tommy sat down beside me.

He called out, "Hi, I saw your dad's car parked here and was hoping that you were alone."

Based upon what I had just learned about him, I didn't trust him now. I carefully muttered, "Thought you were at work."

"Yeah, but I wanted to get out of the shop for a couple of hours. I told them that I had to check on some orders. It helps to have my uncle own the company." he replied with a big grin.

I asked, "Won't you get in trouble if they catch you?"

He answered, "Nah, my uncle is protective of me. He thinks that some day, I'm going to help his daughter run the company. If he only knew I plan on her helping me run the company, he'd flip out."

I nodded, seeing a side of Tommy that I had never seen when he visited my house. "I see."

He propped his legs on the seat and asked "Do you want to go for a ride out to the park? They're not expecting me back for a couple of hours."

I took a sip of my drink and suggested "I don't want you to get in trouble with your job. Or your girlfriend."

Without hesitation, he grumped, "What did you expect me to do while you were gone to college. I went from having sex with you three times a week to nothing. I was bouncing off the wall. Marisa came along and helped me get over you. You were the one that left me."

Then he paused and continued his answer "I went out with a few other girls from high school, but none of them interested me the way you did. I only dated Marisa because she was mine to fuck anytime that I wanted her. When I started looking elsewhere, she quit taking her birth control pills, hoping that I would marry her if she got pregnant. I found out too late that she had quit so that's when I broke up with her."

I sipped the cola, not knowing what to say. I really shouldn't be having this discussion because Amanda has a right to her privacy.

Tommy looked at me, but I uttered nothing. "The real story about why I went out with Marisa, is because she is good in bed. Not as good as you, but she kept me satisfied and coming back for more of her liquid honeypot."

I was taken aback and allowed my normal New Jersey speech patterns to slip in as I responded "I don't think that's any of my business."

He looked at me and shrugged as he continued "Actually, she's wonderful in bed. She's playful, attentive, and stimulating. We find ways to keep our sex lives from getting stale. And she liked having sex in public places."

I looked at him, surprised. "You mean you . . ."

"One time we did it in the back of my father's pickup truck during a basketball game. We fucked in a shower stall of the school's women locker room, while a game was being played. And once we did it on the top level of the football field bleachers."

I was taken aback by his language to me or the Amanda that he thought I was. I didn't appreciate anyone talking this way to my daughter, even though she was almost a legal adult. "I see..."

He looked at me with a big grin "You ever think of doing it in public?"

I honestly replied "Well, no. I haven't."

He nodded, "Too bad. Part of the thrill is thinking you might be discovered while you're getting it on. One time, she blew me in a dressing room at Sears. When we came out, I saw a clerk frowning at us."

"Imagine what would happen if you got caught."

He looked at me with a far-away look on his face. "Old people don't know how to live. All they think about is their reputation. Well, before I get old and start acting like an old fart, I plan on enjoying life. You want to drive over to the basketball court. I got a blanket in the trunk."

I shook my head as I stood up. "No, It's getting late. I don't have time or the desire to go anywhere with you. I think it would be better if I don't go with you to the party."

He looked at me, not taking the hint. "Yeah. So can we pick up where we left off?"

"I don't think so. I'll probably attend the party, but definitely not as your guest."

He smiled as he shrugged, "Always playing hard to get with me. You know that I like that. Well, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk about it."

He stood up as he reached for my hand, but I ignored him. I turned to walk to my car. He walked with me still continuing his banter and trying to hold my hand. When we got to my car, he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before I could do anything. Then he walked away.

After he drove away, I sat down in my car thinking about all of the strange emotions that I had been experiencing. I was confused. I was happy. I was glad to see him when he sat down. I was upset at him for the way that he was talking, but I realized it was because I was still protective of my little girl. He said or did nothing that the typical horny young male would do. I knew that they dated for a long time and had frequently suspected that they were having sex, but I tried to ignore those thoughts about my golden girl.

I remembered glancing at Tommy's filled out tight jeans as we talked. When a warm flush flowed through my body, I realized that I was probably sexually attracted to him. I shook my head and muttered, "I'm a man. I'm not a teenage girl. I'm an androgen. I cannot be attracted to my daughter's old boyfriend. I must not steal her life by trying to be her. I cannot feel this way. I've got to take control of my life. I must become my own individual. I can't live her life or share her life."

Chapter 4 - Nick

I drove around for a little because I was feeling very confused. My orderly and calm life was fucked up forever now. I've chosen my life's direction, except for the brief period after my wife died. And now, I'm in a body that looks like a nineteen years old girl. Not just any girl, but my oldest daughter.

I feel confused because of the way that I'm reacting to my lifestyle crisis. I should be wearing male clothes, not Amanda's clothes. Only my old clothes are too large now. I should have told Doctor Johnson the truth so that he could do a through physical on me.

I should have told Tommy to go away. He thinks that I'm Amanda, but what would he do if he knew that I was metamorphosed into a she-male clone of Amanda. At the least, I should've told him that I'm not Amanda.

Also, why was I aroused by being near Tommy? Yes, for some reason I was sexually aroused when Tommy came around me, even after I discovered his true personality.

Was it because there's an over abundance of female hormones flowing through this still changing body? Could his pheromones stimulate my new female hormones?

But that shouldn't occur. I still have a cock hanging between my legs. I don't have a vagina. I may have breasts, hips, thin waist, and other female attributes, but I don't have a vagina.

Then a frightening concept struck me. People do strange things because of hormones. Was it possible that my hormones were changing the way that I act and thought? Were hormones turning me into a woman with a cock? I was very confused and couldn't think straight. I needed to think about everything.

I saw the sign for The Brass Rail, which was a little bar that I used to stop at every once in a while. I pulled into the parking lot, then walked in noticing that I was the only customer from the cars. That suited me because I didn't want to talk to anyone. Earl, the owner and Nick, the bartender were behind the bar.

As I walked across the floor, Nick is staring at me causing me to feel funny inside again. Now I wish that I had kept driving. I've been in here many times and have never had this weird feeling before. And I recognize its because of Nick.

I sat down at the barstool, as I placed my purse on the counter. I smiled, trying to appear normal as I requested "Bud, please", my customary drink.

Nick looked at me funny. I thought that he had recognized something asexual about me, then realized he was looking at my unfeminine haircut. He questioned "Amanda, thought that you wouldn't be home for another couple of weeks. And when did you change to Bud? You never drank anything but those light beers before, Babe."

Amanda drinks? I didn't know that. I resisted the temptation to let my mind wander on that concept and responded, remembering to keep my voice southern "I learned to like it from parties. You know how college parties are."

"Yeah, I attended a few before they threw me out." he said as he poured me a beer.

Earl suggested "Show me your ID for the record, Amanda. Don't want any law coming in here and checking you out."

ID? That's right. Amanda is younger than the drinking age. I don't have any ID except for my normal male ID. I'm carrying Amanda's purse only because I can't get my keys into her tight pockets. I slowly opened the purse and looked inside, knowing I would find nothing. Then I responded very meekly "I forgot my billfold. I'll leave."

Nick angrily whispered "You lost that special ID that I got for you? Do you realize what I had to do to get you a phony ID?" Then he turned to Earl and proclaimed "Just this one and she'll leave. I promise."

Earl grumbled and shook his head yes. Nick put the beer down in front of me, leaning over so that his face was close to mine. He softly muttered "I get off at eleven tonight. Come by my place to watch my new bedroom TV. While you're there, you can pick up those clothes that you left the last time?"

"No, I just arrived and have some things to do." I responded as I realized that my daughter had sex with this man.

Suddenly I understood why I felt weird. I felt the same way when I was around Tommy. Amanda must by turned on by both of these men. If she was naturally turned on by him, then my new hormones could do the same to me. That's why I felt the same way with Tommy but not the other boys that I saw today.

He mumbled as he asked "Don't tell me that your old man is still treating you like a kid? You know you can move in with me any time." then he smiled a shitty smile as he continued "Any time. My place is your place. All you have to do, is ask me."

"No, I've got. . . . I mean my father has nothing to do with my decision. I'm having my annual physical tomorrow and don't want the doctor to see hickeys all over me." I responded with something that I thought would be appropriate.

Earl noted "I'm going to the back. Be back shortly. Re- fill the beer coolers." as he looked at me continuing "And you had better be gone or be legal."

Nick nodded as he retorted "Back to the slave pit."

As Nick filled the coolers, I used the time to reflect about what I was learning about Amanda. Everything that I've heard in the last six hours doesn't describe the Amanda that I know. My Amanda is a well- behaved young lady. Yet everyone has given me the impression that she sneaks around, as she enjoys an active sex life.

Feeling the need to pee, I walked to the bathroom. I caught myself getting ready to walk into the Men's room which could give me away. Or would it? People make mistakes all the time.

Holding my breath, I entered the women's restroom. After making sure that I was the only occupant, I selected a stall and urinated standing up. I didn't drop my jeans down below my crotch because they were so hard to pull up. After peeing, I pushed my penis back between my legs, knowing that the tight jeans would keep it tucked away. If it was in its normal position, it would be clearly seen in this tight form fitting jeans.

I pulled up the panties, being surprised when the smoothness of the fabric rubbing against me aroused me. Closing my eyes, not really sure what I was doing, I rubbed my hand against the panties, enjoying the soft and nice feeling. I rubbed my hands on my chest, feeling the bra through the blouse. I was aware of every inch of my skin. My blouse felt cool against my skin. I shivered as the bra's lacy fabric rubbed over my sensitive female breasts. That simple touch caused my nipples to become erect. My face flushed as I realized how close I was to masturbating myself in the bar's woman restroom.

I exited the stall, looking at my mirrored image as I studied my new image. I tried to rationalize as I thought that my strange actions were caused by my female hormones which I'll learn to restrain. As I gazed at my reflection, I felt something deep within me awaken. Yes, I'm a woman with a woman's many needs. As I stared at the image of my breasts hardening nipples under the blouse, I nodded to myself. Its a woman's body now.

Slowly I lifted my hands, pausing, delaying the feel of the bra's soft silk against my fingers. Shutting my eyes, I gently pressed my hands against my blouse before squeezing my breasts ever so gently. My breasts felt so firm, yet soft and wonderful at the same time.

I took the ballcap off, knowing that my male haircut increased my personal gender confusion. Something has to be done about the hair. As I fluffed it, Nick groaned "I missed you."

He was standing in the open doorway, watching me. I angrily cried "This is the Women's bathroom. How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough. I'm supposed to frequently check and clean the bathroom. Don't be so uptight. Just the two of us are here now." he responded with a lecherous grin on his face. "Come here; I've got a surprise for you."

He stepped in letting the door shut behind him. I turned around angrily hoping he would leave. I watched his reflection in the mirror as he put his arms around my waist and kissed me on the neck.

"No, Nick, you idiot!" I squirmed, knowing that he was too strong for me to physically resist him. His hands cupped my breasts, squeezing them as he suggested "We only have a minute to get a quick feel and thrill to remind us how much we enjoy fucking each other."

With that he smiled, as he pressed his lips on mine. I panicked. I was trapped in a bar's woman's restroom, being kissed by a man. I didn't want to create a scene but I didn't want to do what he wanted. I struggled against him, but I couldn't escape his strong hold.

Realizing that he wouldn't stop, my only chance was to pretend to participate until I could escape. Resigned to allowing him to kiss me, I opened my mouth slightly. He responded by hungrily probing his tongue deep into my mouth. It felt as if it was being pushed down my throat.

Thirty seconds later, I wanted more. I was feeling a strong unknown desire and enjoyment. I quit resisting because I was actually enjoying the kiss. For some strange reason, it didn't matter that it was a man's hot tongue. Surprised at my quick acceptance, I eased my tongue into his mouth. He accepted enthusiastically as we kissed each other lustily for several seconds.

Wanting more, I willing wrapped my arms around his neck and one leg around his hips. Recognizing my horniness, he began fondling my breasts through my thin blouse. He pulled his lips from mine and began to passionately nuzzle my neck. I put my hand behind his head and ran my fingers through his curly dark hair. I felt like my entire body was being explored by his soft hands and luscious mouth.

"I've missed you, Mandy", he whispered. "But I plan to catch up on lost time." His arms held me as he muzzled my breasts through the blouse. I knew what was happening, but couldn't resist. I just stood there as his lips pressed hungrily against my own. Knowing that I was really enjoying it.

As we kissed, his hands pulled the back of my blouse out of my jeans. I couldn't stop or slow him down or give him the impression that I didn't want him. I didn't resist any for some unknown reason.

He softly moaned "I knew that you missed me. I've got the biggest cock in town and you know it. You love playing with my cock. Did you miss my little big man?"

The touch of his warm hands on my bare back was too much for me. I felt my hands rubbing small circles on the back of his tush as my leg eased between his legs. Recognizing that I was losing control of my emotions, I whispered "No, please don't."

"Too late, baby. I've got to have some nooky. You know what you do to me. I`m going to fuck you." he groaned as he squeezed my breasts. I was beginning to pant as I felt the same strong sexual desires that he was describing. I had to regain control of myself somehow.

"I can't go all the way. Wrong time of the month." I lied, recognizing that my voice had turned husky.

"Take care of me and I'll take care of you later, babe." he ordered in a breathless voice. I knew what he wanted, which worried me because I wanted it also.

He pulled my blouse up, exposing my flat stomach; which he began kissing and licking. He continued upward, until his lips touched my bra.

With one quick flick, he unhooked my bra. I wasn't surprised when I saw my rock-hard pink nipples. It was evident that he liked my breasts as his fingers cupped them. An electrical shock hit me as he massaged my very erect nipples. I didn't know female breasts could be so sensitive. When he began sucking my stiff nubs voraciously, I wanted to scream from the pleasure. He sucked, licked, and bit my throbbing nipples while I convulsed from the pleasure.

I put my arms around his waist, trying to slide my hand down his jeans to feel his tight ass. I was feeling his hard cock press against my pelvic area as he squeezed my boobs and nibbled on my neck. In less than ninety seconds of close up sexual simulation, I had changed from being a confused androgynous half- woman to being a horny woman. I wanted sex knowing that it had been a year since the last time. I was turned on, wanted it now and didn't care that I would be on the fuckee side instead of being on the more familiar fucker side.

"You want to talk, or what?" I slipped my hand between his legs, feeling his cock straining against his jeans. "No, you definitely don't want to talk."

We kissed passionately again, feeling the electrical surge through my body. I never thought that I'd be kissing a man or wanting to have sex with a man. Aware that I had reached the point of no return, I struggled with emotions versus logic. Without a second thought, I surrendered myself to Nick.

I unsnapped Nick's pants, sliding them down his hips. His jockey shorts barely contained his erect cock, as it bulged out at the waistband. I dragged my fingernails up the shaft of his penis, teasing the cockhead.

Nick groaned softly as he pulled my blouse and bra off. He gently kissed each tit. Flames roared through my body from his wet lips touch as my body ached to be absorbed by him. My head rolled back and I moaned loudly as my breasts throbbed for his lips. He lightly swirled each nipple with his tongue in ever increasing circles until his lips were wrapped around the entire breast. My hands pulled his pants down. He stepped out of them, removing his underwear at the same time. While he licked and teased my breasts, one of my hands massaged his scrotum; while the other hand slowly jacked him off.

Nick started to undo my jeans, but I stopped him although I didn't really want to stop him. "No. It's better for both of us if I leave them on for now. I'm very messy today."

Nick put my hands back on his hard cock. He stared into my eyes, probably seeing my mixture of passion and confusion that I was experiencing.

Nick shrugged as he kissed my navel causing me to pull his face into my belly. He licked his way back up my body until his tongue was probing my mouth again. I stroked his shaft as he squeezed my boobs; experiencing emotions never felt before. I stroked his cock, pulling him close to me. We were enjoying my hand slowly stroking his hard cock as he bucked his hips against my hand.

He turned us around so that his butt was resting against the sink. He put his hands on my shoulders as he started pressing down, wanting me to go down on him. I resisted for a second, then let him push me down until I was on my knees and his cock was inches from my face. I was still stroking it and looking at a cock pointed back at me. Slowly my mouth opened then I kissed his cock.

As my lips touched his cock, I knew that I wanted his cock. I kissed it again, before taking the cockhead into my mouth. I slowly rolled my tongue against the smooth head. I could feel him shudder with delight, which caused a similar strong pleasure for myself. I knew that I was in control our love-making now. I could do anything that I wanted to do now. He would do anything for me to continue. I eased more of his cock into my mouth as I raked my fingernails up and down his back. He tried to ram his cock deep into my mouth, his pubic hair curling around my lips. I felt the taste of his leaking pre-cum, knowing that his male semen was leaking into my mouth.

I sucked more of his cock, using my mouth as a vagina. Suddenly Nick gasped and grunted as his cum boiled out of his erect, quivering penis, coating the inside of my mouth. I held on and sucked as I his cock twitched. Then his hot semen filled my mouth as he shot his load into my sucking mouth. He shot off, spewing what seemed like gallons of cum into my mouth. His hands were around my head, ramming my face against his cock, as he pumped streams of thick cum into my accepting mouth.

Finally, he quit pumping the warm, salty liquid into my mouth as he started growing flaccid.

"Hello, anyone here." cried a loud male voice out in the bar area.

Nick's muttered softly "Shit. A fucking customer."

As he pulled his trousers back up, he loudly screamed "Be there in a moment. Just putting some more paper in the bathroom."

He quickly dressed and returned to the bar. I turned around to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. My blouse and bra were off. My body was flushed and I had red marks all over my body from his fingers squeezing me. I had some mild teeth marks on my neck and boobs. There was cum on my lips and I could still taste his warm salty cum.

I was deeply aroused and realized several disturbing facts. If we had been somewhere else, I would have had more sex with him. I wanted to have sex with him. I had no control over my actions or emotions when aroused. My body was extremely sensitive now and easy to get aroused.

I slid my firm, milky white breasts into the delicate white silk bra and clasped it together in the front.

Tracing my hand lightly across my breasts, I noticed their perky erectness. I explored my lower body, running my hands over my slender belly before turning sideways to admire my ass. I realized how sensual it was to touch my new body this way. The fingers of my left hand faintly grazed the cock still tucked between my legs. I glanced at the mirror again. I felt a little embarrassed to find myself standing in front of a bar mirror wearing only a bra and jeans, my fingers rubbing my hard cock.

I shook that image out of my mind as I put the shirt on. I ran my hands through my hair as a comb before I put the ballcap back on. I rinsed my face, then gargled with sink water. When I was presentable, I walked out of the bathroom. I glanced at the bar to see Nick standing behind it, drying a glass, as he talked to his only customer. He watched me as I walked out of the bar.

Chapter 5 - Introducing Renee

I raced home. When I parked the car, I started crying. I don't know why. I just felt like crying. I spent half an hour in the parked car, getting control of my emotions and my confused thoughts.

When I had composed myself, I entered the house and sat down on the couch. It was two thirty in the afternoon. I had been in this androgynous body almost twelve hours and had just given my first blow job. Have I become a queer now? Or am I a woman now?

Suddenly, I shivered, knowing that it wasn't the old me sitting there, but the new me. This new person was comfortable wearing a silk panty and bra to support female breasts. The old Richard Palance would die before he would wear silk female underwear.

With my eyes closed, I gently pressed my hands against the silk bra, as I squeezed my breasts to confirm their existence. Something deep within me awoke. My emotions and body are female now. I may have a she-male's mixed body, but I feel very feminine. My feminine side had surfaced while my masculine side had disappeared. As I stared at the image reflected from the glass coffee table, I softly whispered to myself. "Yes, not only do I look like a woman but I feel like a woman now. I'll be in this body for the rest of my life. I have to re-start my life, but from a female perspective. Richard is gone and I can't take Amanda's life from her."

Now that I had determined the major objectives, I had to define the tasks to reach those objectives.

The main task was to start thinking, looking and acting as a woman.

The next task was to stop pretending to be Amanda. She has her own life and should be the only person living that life. I had to quit letting her friends think that I was her. I could have just messed her life up with Nick. So whoever I'm now, I've got to be me and not Amanda. People that I meet must be able to know that it's me instead of Amanda. My appearance had to be modified so that people could tell us apart.

To accomplish both tasks, I'll need a new name. I considered Donna, Marie, Ann, Betty, Brenda, Lisa, Carolyn and then decided on Renee. Mainly because it was close to Richard, in case I ever screwed up when introducing myself. I also considered Rickie, but it had too mannish a sound. If I'm going to be female, I'll have an appropriate feminine name.

I looked at my reflection again. If I'm going to be a female, then I've got to change the way I look. Just as I couldn't walk around in my old clothes in this body, I can't continue with my hair looking like this. My hair change will be a good start.

I wrote a note to Cathy in my normal handwriting. The note said:

Cathy,

I've got to go out of town for several days. Please

take care of the house until I get back. Also,

your cousin, Renee, is going to stay with us for

awhile. You haven't seen her since you were

about three years old. She's been living out-of-

state and wants to meet her only relatives. Be

nice to her.

Love you very much

Dad

I called the Brass Rail, grimacing when Nick answered. When I heard his voice, I responded "It's me. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted to get out of there without your customer seeing me. You remember that other ID you were talking about?" I asked.

"Sure, are you going to come over to my place tonight?" I could almost hear him smile as he asked.

"No, I can't. Please don't ask me why. I need a driver's license with my picture and description on it showing that I'm barely over twenty-one years old. Can you get me one quickly?" I asked.

There was a pause before he sighed "It'll be more expensive this time. At least two thousand."

I had to have it. You can't do anything without a driver's license to show as a photo ID. I accepted "Get it, but I need the name Renee Palance in addition to the birthdate showing me to be barely over 21. Also put this home address on it."

He responded quietly "Go to Robertson Photo Studio and tell Al that I sent you. It should be ready in tomorrow. Have the money then."

I drove to a bank to get some cash from the ATM machine. Then I found a beauty shop. The beautician frowned when she saw my haircut. I informed her "I cut my hair for a college play role. I want a different hairstyle and color. What do you recommend?"

She walked around me as she looked at the lengths before she proclaimed "We can either make it very butch, with an feminine cut, or we can do something more traditional. You have some strong male pattern baldness areas here in the front and in your crown area. You need a cut to shape it up, then some curls to hide those areas."

"Go for it." I directed.

Two hours later, I walked out carrying Amanda's baseball cap. The beautician had shaped up my hairstyle, colored my hair, and permed my hair which gave it extra height to hide my bald areas. She had also shown me how to brush and fix my new hairstyle. I was now a curly blond with a hairstyle that hid my bald spots. I liked the way I looked now. I also had the manicurist give me a manicure and paint my nails.

Then I went to the Photo store to have my picture taken for the phony driver's license.

Then I drove to the mall to shop for some jeans. Either Amanda wears her jeans too tight or they are too small for me. As normal for most men, I always hated clothes shopping, but I was looking forward to buying some new clothes. I couldn't walk around in Amanda's clothes and still maintain a separate identity.

I walked into a women's clothing store and was greeted by a saleswoman. I told her what I was looking for. After a quick measurement, she handed me a pair of jeans suggesting, "Try these on in the dressing room."

After changing, I looked at my reflection in the dressing room mirror. I was very satisfied with the way that my ass looked in those slightly larger jeans, so I left them on.

As I looked at other clothes, I wasn't sure if should buy flashy or conservative clothes for Renee's initial wardrobe. I examined hanger after hanger of dresses, until I found a black silk wrap dress with a very low neckline that looked appealing. I carried the dress back into a dressing room and tried it on. I was very pleased with the way it looked on me in the mirror. Now that I had a party dress, I selected a woman's suit, some blouses, and a couple of skirts.

I spent 2 hours in a lingerie shop before I realized it. I was surrounded by so many choices and sizes, that I was overwhelmed. I finally settled on three bras and some panties, selecting the most expensive and elaborate undergarments that I looked at.

I bought some more clothes and some shoes before going to a make-up counter. I bought some make-up that the counter girl recommended to me. I watched her as she made me up, trying to remember how much and in what order.

Then I drove to a used clothing store to buy some more clothing items and a used suitcase. Although I could easily afford more new clothes, my plan required that I possess some clothes that appeared worn. I carried all of my purchases back to my car, where I packed my new clothes into the suitcase.

When I arrived home after my shopping trip, Cathy was already home from school. It was time to see if my charade will work.

I opened the front door, walking in as nonchalant as possible, dragging my suitcase of used clothes. Cathy was lying on the couch reading. She looked up at the opening door, smiling when she saw me. I know that she thought that she was still looking at Amanda.

"Wow, I like your hair like that. You should have done that a long time ago." she proclaimed.

"Thanks. But I used to wear it like this when I was a kid. It's time to explain some things to you. I know who you think you are looking at, but its the wrong assumption. I'm your cousin, Renee." I declared as I put my suitcase down.

"Bull shit, you think I don't know my own sister. What sort of a game are you playing?" she asked as she sat up.

"That was me in Amanda's room this morning. I came in during the night after you had gone to bed. Your father knew that I was coming, so he let in into the house. Then he let me stay in her room. Because the airport lost my luggage yesterday, I borrowed some of Amanda's clothes this morning. We are almost the same size. I was half asleep this morning and didn't want to get into a lengthy explanation with you about how much I look like Amanda. When I saw her pictures, I knew that people would confuse me with her, while I'm here, so I changed my appearance to help people tell us apart." I responded.

"Bull shit. Just because Dad believes everything that you say, don't expect me to do the same. I'm your sister. I covered up for you when you had the miscarriage. Remember? So what the hell is going on." she said.

I managed to keep from grimacing as I heard the miscarriage word. My god, what else was there that I don't know about my daughters. I handed her the phone as I commanded "Call her. If she is there on the phone and I'm here, then my story must be true."

She grinned as she replied "I know what's going on. You bet someone that you could get me to fall for this bullshit. Well, let's see what's on the other end of the line."

She dialed the number and when the other end answered, she looked puzzled for a second before she asked "Amanda? This is Cathy." Then she looked at me as she asked the person on the other end of the phone connection "What's the combination to your old school locker."

Her face turned white as Amanda gave her the combination. Then Cathy muttered quietly "Never mind, I'll call you back later to explain."

She hung up the phone and walked slowly around me before she said "The resemblance is truly remarkable. I didn't know you existed. Why haven't we met before?"

"My parents work for the government and have official reasons that they must have a very personal life. I was just as surprised to find out about you and my other family. So I came to visit and to get to know some of my unknown family."

For the next hour, we chatted about our lives as she tried to find out why her parents had never told her about her cousin Renee. I responded to her many questions by making up facts about Renee's life story, trying to remember what I answered so that I didn't trip myself up later.

She finally became convinced that I really wasn't her sister and was one of her relatives. I answered enough questions about other relatives so that she had to believe me.

She showed me around the house because "Dad" didn't do it before he left. She thought it was better if I stayed in the guest room instead of Amanda's room because Amanda was coming home in a couple of weeks. While I unpacked, she took a shower so that she could get ready for her date.

"Renee, come here, please." Cathy shouted from her room.

I entered her bedroom to find her lying on her bed with just a towel wrapped around her as she flipped through a photograph album. As she sat up, the towel displayed her thighs and her tuff of dark trimmed hair between her legs, causing me a moment of distraction as I tried to keep from staring at her. She said "Look, here are the latest pictures of Amanda. Except for the hair, you're her twin."

I sat on the edge of the bed as Cathy held the album for me to look at the photographs of the Palance family. I looked at the picture which was one that I had seen many times before; but pretended it was my first time. As Cathy flipped through the album, my attention kept changing from the photographs to Cathy's partially exposed breasts. The loosely wrapped towel was exposing her breasts almost to the nipples.

Then Cathy declared "When Amanda comes home, I want you both to get naked so I can compare your naked body with her naked body."

"What if she doesn't want to do that?" I asked as my heart seemed to stop.

"Amanda is very open minded. But you're right. My curiosity sometimes gets me into trouble. I don't want to do anything to upset you. Look at the time. I've got to get ready for my date."

She stood up, letting the towel drop to the floor. I watched her naked firm teenage butt jiggle as she walked across the floor. She opened one of her drawers, removed a panty, and slipped it on. As she put them on, she turned so that I was staring directly at her exposed breasts with their tiny bullet-like nipples. She opened a talcum container and lightly slapped her breasts with the talcum pad. I had to concentrate on keeping myself from staring as I watched her caress and spread the talcum on her chest and boobs. I kept reminding myself that she was my daughter. Then she selected a bra which she put on as she walked into her bathroom. I was getting turned on by looking at her naked body.

From my position on the bed, I could see her stand in front of the bathroom mirror because she didn't shut the bathroom door. It was the first time that I had ever seen her without any trace of modesty. Maybe, it was because she accepted me now as a female peer instead of her father.

She said. "Do you think that I need to lose some weight?" She turned as she raised her arms to put on deodorant. I found myself staring at her bra and panties.

She's no longer a child. My little girl is now and forever a woman, I thought, as I found myself staring at her almost filled-out bra. Feeling Cathy's eyes on me, I flushed and looked away. What am I thinking about, I wondered as I replied "No, you look great."

I put the book down and walked back to the guest room, feeling very light headed. After a couple of minutes, Cathy stuck her head in the doorway as she informed me. "Gotta go. Because Dad's out of town, I'll stay out a little longer tonight than normal. Or I just might bring Jeff back here for a quickie. My bed is more comfortable than his backseat. Naw, that's not a good idea. Whenever he comes over here, I can't get him to leave. See you in the morning."

I practiced putting on my make-up and trying on different combinations of clothes for the next couple of hours. I didn't realize how much time had passed until I heard a noise in the house. Knowing that Cathy wasn't home yet, I had to investigate the unknown noise. I pulled on one of Amanda's robes and turned off my bedroom light. Then I gently opened the bedroom door, being careful to not make any noise.

I saw a dim light coming through Cathy's partially open door. I stood in the hallway and looked through the small slit created by the open door. Her bedroom size had a king size bed in the middle of it, and the wall length closet was covered with mirrors, which made the room look twice as large. I could see Cathy's dresser mirror and reflected in the mirror was the image of a naked Cathy sitting on some boy's body. I could see them clearly because the light in her bathroom was on. I knew that I should return to my room, but the reflected sight of her slowly humping her ass on his cock intrigued me. As I watched, I could hear her whimper get slightly louder as her passion became more intense.

As I watched their lovemaking, I saw the boy roll Cathy over so that he was now on top in the standard pushup position, rubbing his hairy chest against her tits. In the dim light, his ass looked very hard and muscular. I was still staring at his ass and could almost see his hard cock in that dark area between his legs. Then Cathy made a high pitched whimper as she wrapped her legs around his ass, picking herself up so that she was supported by her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs. I saw her body tightened and then heard her let out a loud, deep groan. The boy rammed himself deep into her and then she slowly eased back onto the bed. As she unwrapped her legs, he started his humping again. I had seen enough. Really too much. I quietly tiptoed back into my bedroom and closed the door. My cock was rock hard from watching them.

I lay in my guest bed, feeling like the room was spinning. All I could think of, was her naked body, her young perky breasts, her little hair covered mound, and what it would be like to make love to her. I found my hand sliding into my blouse and rubbing my own breasts as I thought about Cathy's body. About how she was sharing it with that boy. Whoever the hell he was.

I thought about what it would be like to undress myself and to slip into bed with them as they made love. I thought about what it would be like to stick my cock into her while I sucked his cock. I had never participated in a menage a trois, although my wife and I had frequently joked about having someone join us.

I could still smell the faint smell of the perfume that she was wearing when she stuck her head into the door earlier. It was one of my favorite perfumes. The frustration was feeding my adrenaline.

I unfastened my jeans, pushing my panties down to my ankles, letting my cock rise to its most natural upright position; then I removed my blouse and bra. I lied naked on the bed, thinking about Cathy's little honeypot between her creamy thighs. One of my former favorite bedroom activities was to eat my wife out as she lay on her back, humping her golden triangle to my tongue's flickering action. God, how I missed her and doing that to her.

I was exploring my new body, touching it with gentle fingertips. First across my chest and then cupping each breast with one hand, I began to stroke the upper sensitive skin with the other, moving closer with each caress to the areola and nipple. My hands roamed across my breasts, feeling the nipples and the small papilla around them. I massaged myself, savoring the new stimulation of my sensitive, erect nipples. They weren't hard. Instead they had taken on a softness and sensitivity I hadn't experienced before. I grasped the nipples between my fingers, gently pulling and twisting. A breath of cool air blew across my naked body as my hand move down my abdomen, across my narrow waist, until it found something very familiar.

While one hand was rubbing and squeezing my new female breasts, the other hand was stroking my very erect cock. As I masturbated myself, I dreamed that it was my wife's lips around my cock. As my stroking became faster, my daydream partner alternated between Cathy and my wife.

My daydream seemed so real. I could almost taste her delicious cunt as I thought about her luscious body. In my dream, I could see that golden altar between her legs. That precious temple of perfection. That altar of delight which brought me such tremendous satisfaction. As I masturbated myself, I knew that it was the most pleasurable masturbation that I had ever experienced.

Then I thought about the boy's hard ass and my day dream changed to include his hard young body. While I hadn't seen his cock, I imagined it to be the same size as Nick's. As I pretended that I was sucking on Cathy's pussy, I pretended that he was fucking me in the ass.

I could almost feel their hands explore and caress my very sensitive she-male body. I could almost feel the moisture from her lips and tongue as she teased me between my legs, bringing me to higher peaks of pleasure. I could almost feel his cock slide up and down into my ass.

Than I tensed as I felt that wonderful relief build up deep inside me and rush through my inner network of tubes. As I exploded, shooting the white milky cum pumping up onto my belly and breasts, I jacked harder as I opened my mouth trying to shoot some cum to my waiting lips.

When my gasping breathing finally subsided, I was coated with cum. I found a thick gob just above my belly button, which I moved to my lips with my fingertips. Then I used my tongue to taste my warm, salty cum. I had tasted my cum before but it had always been mixed with my wife's juices.

Chapter 6 - The medical exam

I drifted off to sleep wrapped in a sheet. When I woke up, it was dark outside, the guest bedroom smelled like a whorehouse and my body was still coated with dried cum. I changed the linens.

I started the shower. The water flowing across my skin was so relaxing. I picked up the woman's razor that was lying on the shampoo rack and looked at my legs. Well, if I'm going to look like a woman, I'm going to be shaving my legs instead of my face. I shaved carefully under my arms and my legs, and then I began to cautiously shave between my legs. Lathering, shaving, rinsing, and repeating this until the area between my legs was as smooth and bare as a baby's cheek. After I shaved my legs, I shaved under my armpits.

As I stood under the shower stall, letting the warm water rinse my body clean, I started feeling funny again. But it was a different type of funny. Instead of being aroused and feeling the euphoria from my masturbation, I felt so alone, so vulnerable, so sad, so little, so hurt, so alone. I experienced any emotion that can be associated with misery as I lay there. I found myself curling up into a little ball as I sunk to the floor of the shower stall. I lay on the bottom of the shower crying as the water beat down on me.

I was sitting almost naked on a female examination table in Doctor Johnson's office. It was one of those tables with the gynecological exams stirrups. I wore one of those flimsily paper robes that covered the front but exposed the back.

Doctor Johnson entered the room, followed closely by his nurse. He picked up a chart, with Amanda Palance's name on it as he commanded "Ok, young lady. Let's start with a pap smear. Please take your robe off."

I removed the robe. As Doctor Johnson turned around to examine me, I heard his nurse gasp as she saw the cock between my legs. I watched Doctor Johnson eyes as he saw the same thing. For about ten seconds he said nothing as he looked at me from head to toe, with a lot of time spent staring at my middle. Then he asked "Ok, so you aren't Amanda. Who are you?"

I told him what happened to Richard Palance. After ten minutes of intense questioning, he believed me. After swearing his nurse to a vow of silence, he canceled the rest of his normal appointments to rush me to the hospital; where he put me through a complete series of medical examinations, including a mammogram.

About four hours later, we were sitting in a spare hospital doctor's office as he reviewed the first test reports. Then he noted "It will be about ten days before we get all of the test results back, even though I've done everything possible to expedite them. Looking at the preliminary test results, you appear to be a normal teenage girl, except for your penis. It's obvious that you don't have a vagina, but part of my tests were to see if there was an internal uterus or fallopian tubes. In that respect, you're a male. Looking at your hormone levels, I see an extremely high amount of female hormones coursing through your body now. That is why you're feeling and acting funny. The hormones are causing you to experience the complete gauntlet of emotions that can be invoked by hormones. That explains why you feel so aroused sexually at times and why you can't do nothing but cry. Think of it this way. You still have your male brain, but it's now being stormed with female hormones. You would go through a similar trauma if you never had any caffeine in your life then drank twenty cups of coffee. As your body becomes more used to the hormones, you will learn to adapt to the mood fluctuations."

"So my internal body is female, except for the penis and one testicle."

"I didn't say that. I reported that you had the appearance of a girl. From your description of your masturbation experience last night, you have a fully functioning penis that is capable of intercourse."

"What can I do?"

"We can try to surgically correct your body so that you're clearly one sex or the other. We can do an Orchidectomy or castration, which will reduce some of the male hormone levels. Then we can do a genital sex reassignment surgery, which would turn you into an almost fully functioning female except that you can never bear children. Or we can take another option, which is to turn you into a male. We would do a Mastectomy to remove the breasts, then rely upon hormone treatments to give you some masculine features, such as beard growth, potential male pattern baldness, and rougher skin. At your age, there wouldn't be much potential of getting extra bulk, so you may spend the rest of your life looking like a small, slender feminine man. Either way, you will probably have to take the appropriate supplemental hormones for the rest of your life. Going from a middle-aged male's body to a teen-aged female's body is enough to make you lose all sense of yourself, much less when you add in the affects of the female hormones to your ego. Or we can leave you alone. With today's surgical options, there are a lot of people who have chosen to have similar bodies. The choice is going to be your decision, because you're the one that will have to live with your decision. Whatever you decide, we won't do anything that involves non-reversible surgery until we are sure that you have had ample time to consider the ramification of your decision."

"That's not much of a help."

"Sorry, but you must remember that you're probably the most unique person in the world right now. For all practical purposes, you don't exist. Your fingerprints don't match either Amanda or Richard's prints. It will be several days before we get the results of the DNA test back but I'm willing to bet that it's a mixture just as your fingerprints are. You don't have a computer record as to your birth, your schooling or your legal position. Your lawyer is going to get rich claiming your legal rights from your old identity for your new identity. Because you're so unique on how you were transformed, there are too many unknowns for the medical profession to make any decisions. Will your body continue to change so that you become more female or start reverting back to it's male roots? Does your body have forty-seven years accumulation of aging or nineteen years? Will you start aging so that you quickly catch up your true age? There are too many unanswered questions. We can help you with some of the minor problems, such as trying to maintain a hormone balance so that you don't blow a gasket as the hormones rage through your body. The most sensitive area, is when do we bring in outside help? As long as I'm the only one treating you, you can be assured of my silence. But if it's necessary to bring in a publicity seeking specialist, then you stand a good chance of getting your picture on the front page of every paper in the world. What do you want to do?"

"Why don't you watch me for the next ninety days. Then we can make a decision."

"Good. For the next ninety days, you visit me every work-day morning. Some days, I'll only need a urine sample or blood work, but most days, I'll have to take different samples. I want to watch you for at least two weeks before I prescribe anything. So for the next couple of weeks, you have to wing it. Can you handle letting your hormones control your body and your emotions?"

"I'll have to."

"My last question is, when are you going to tell your daughters who you really are?"

"Not yet. I don't want them to worry about me. As long as they think that I'm Renee and that their father is taking a traveling vacation, they will relax. So I'll be Renee to them until it gets where they are wondering where their father really is."

It was almost dark as I pulled into the driveway. My medical tests had taken all day. As I entered the house, I saw that Cathy was wearing an ankle length print slipdress over a white finely ribbed baby tee shirt. She looked like she was going on a date. She put in "I was getting worried that you were lost. Or out with that nerd, Tommy. He has called twice to talk with you. Or to Amanda. I didn't tell him about the difference between you and Amanda. But enough about that asshole, I've got a surprise for you. I talked to my boyfriend last night. Told him all about you. Especially how much you look like my older sister. He called his older brother so we are all going out tonight. We have to get dressed because they'll be here soon to pick us up."

"I can't go out. Not tonight. Its been an extremely long day and I'm still trying to recover from my jet lag."

"Look Renee, you've got to come with us to help me. If you don't, all of us will stay here tonight. And I almost didn't get Jeff to get dressed to go home this morning. I don't want him getting too used to sleeping here."

Something rang a warning bell in my subconscious. Here was Cathy talking about letting her boyfriend sleep with her and I wasn't getting outraged over that boy violating my daughter. In my own house, at that. For some reason, that seemed like a normal event. I paused for a second, collecting my thoughts, then asked "Cathy, I don't want to butt into your business, but aren't you too young to be having sex?"

She didn't hesitate as she responded "Up until about a hundred years ago, it was normal for girls younger than me to be already married; and to have a child or two. Then someone decided that it wasn't normal for any person to have sex unless they were legally an adult. I can't have legal sex the day before my legal birthday, but can have sex the next day. How much can I mature in that one day? I remember Daddy used to tell me about being drafted at age eighteen, then going to Vietnam to kill people. Not quite yet twenty- one, he was allowed to drink beer in the military but when he returned to civilian status, he couldn't buy beer. No, I recognize that the laws are supposed to have a good intent, but they restrict my personal rights to be able to have a choice over my own life. Those laws were forced on me by someone that never met me or bothered to find out if I've got enough common sense to watch out for myself. That person probably hadn't engaged in sex with his wife in the last three years, but had sex with someone else's wife every month. And a congressman wants to guide my morals. I could go to court and get my declared an adult, which a lot of kids have done, so that they could work at jobs which require adult hours. Don't make me laugh. I enjoy sex. I felt frustrated constantly until I found out that sex can relieve that frustration. I watch who I indulge in sex with, when I participate in sex, and make damn sure that I've got adequate protection. Funny, but they teach us how to protect ourselves in the ninth grade, but we can't legally have sex until several years after we get out of high school, unless we get married."

"I see. What if your parents don't want you to have sex. They know you and your maturity level."

"My father is a very understanding man. He wouldn't like it, but he would understand. Look at the time, we have to get you ready."

"I didn't bring any clothes for going out. All I've got are jeans and shorts."

"No problem. Amanda has a full closet that should fit you. Come on."

As a result of her constant cajoling, I was soon standing in the living room, wearing a short pleated, red tartan skirt, a black low-cut T-shirt with detailed trim, a weathered woman's denim jacket and knee high black boots. And a pair of panty hose. Thank god, that I had shaved my legs and underarms last night. She helped me put my make-up on because we were so far behind schedule. I was still trying to figure out how to get out of this mess when the door opened.

For a second, I was pissed because some boy had the nerve to walk into my house without knocking first. But as he and his brother walked in, something happened as I looked at the brother. I started feeling warm inside as a small wave of warm sensations gently floated through me. Jeff walked straight to Cathy and gave her a kiss. While they were kissing, the other boy said "Hi, don't let Jeff's lack of manners make a bad first impression on you. My name's Danny. When Jeff declared that you were Amanda's twin, I thought that he was only kidding. I was two years ahead of her in high school but I remember her quite well."

Jeff quit kissing Cathy but was holding her tight as he felt her slowly. He turned his head to look at me as he put in "You're one beautiful woman. Why don't the four of us get undressed and get better introduced?"

Cathy pulled away as she groaned "Cool it, big boy. Or I'll bite it off."

It was very awkward to be in the back seat with Danny as Cathy and Jeff drove us to a kid's nightclub. It was the only place where we could get in, because Danny was the only one with an ID showing that he was over twenty-one. I had already picked up my phony ID but I didn't have to use it. I felt different emotions as I sat in the back seat, talking to Danny, watching Cathy as she teased Jeff while he drove.

At the club, I was stunned when the loud music blasted away at my eardrums. The club was packed with kids, but Jeff managed to find a table. As we sat down, Cathy pulled Jeff out onto the dance floor.

Danny raised his voice so I could hear it above the noise as he asked "Wanta dance?"

"I haven't danced in years."

"Is that something your mother taught you to say?" he yelled above the din of the music.

Realizing my error, I corrected myself by responding "I've never been much of a dancer."

"Trust me." he requested as he lightly pulled me. There was a special warmth, a sort of vibrancy that passed through my fingers from his skin as he eased me out onto the floor. I looked at the other couples dancing. Even someone as naive as me could see that there wasn't too much body contact. Just a lot of body shaking as you move around the floor with your partner.

By the second song, I was feeling comfortable with myself from the way that I caught the music's rhythm. It felt good to dance. The movement, the rush, the occasional touch by my dance partner, felt so right. When they played a slow song, I started to leave the floor, but Danny gently spun me into his body. For a moment, we stared into each other's eyes waiting for the correct beat before we started dancing. I could feel him guide me as we danced around the floor. I could feel his hard, firm body pressed tightly against my body. I could smell his warm, sweet smell as we rubbed against each other. I noticed his eyes taking in every inch of my exposed skin. By the time the song was over, I was ready to go to bed with him. Or with anyone. I knew now that my hormones were causing all of these strange emotions and loss of logic. I remembered when I was a man, how my little head would start thinking for my big head. That's the same thing that was happening to me now, but the little head was confused as it sent different signals to my brain.

Danny led me back to the table where Cathy was sitting on Jeff's lap as he rubbed his chin against her tee-shirt covered breast. As we sat down, a girl walked by "Hi, Amanda."

I turned to smile at her. I didn't want to get into any explanation with her at this point. Danny noted "You do look exactly like Amanda. Which is one reason that I was so eager to let Jeff talk me into this tonight. I remembered how attractive Amanda was in high school."

"So how do I look?" I cooed.

"As far as I'm concerned, you clearly are the most attractive woman in here."

Jeff wanted to leave to go to the house so that he could fuck Cathy. It was easy to tell that Cathy was getting turned on also. Danny was non-committal but I knew that I attracted him. My problem was that I couldn't place myself in a situation where I might lose control or wind up in bed with him.

As time passed, they became more insistent that we leave. Finally, I knew that I was going to have to concede to their request.

As soon as we got in the car, Cathy attacked Jeff with a passion that I never expected from her. She got on her knees, pulled her skirt up and sat on his lap facing him, in the car's front seat as she dry humped him. Jeff groaned "Oh yeah, baby. You know how to make me hard. Lift your shirt so I can see your tits. I love to fuck you. You make me so hot. My tongue can't wait to lick those tits of yours. Show them to me."

I watched them for a minute before Danny blocked my view as he kissed me. It was a soft and gentle kiss, but it lasted several minute, becoming more passionate as I responded to his gentle tongue probing. We broke for air. He whispered "You're more beautiful than Amanda could ever be."

Then he kissed me with a very deep passion. I was feeling the same emotion and felt his hands ease under my tee-shirt. I know that I tensed because he withdrew his hand.

But we continued kissing. As his tongue probed deep within my mouth, he was running his hand up and down my legs from my boot tops to a stopping point several inches above my knees. I had to concentrate to keep from spreading my legs because I wanted him as much as he wanted me. As he ran his hand over my thighs, feeling the silky stockings, my leg muscles tightened under his gentle touch. He licked my ear, as he stroked my thighs and lower legs. I licked his neck, loving his slightly sweaty masculine taste.

This time, I didn't resist when his hand again slipped under my tee-shirt. I pulled his shirt out of his trousers and was running my fingers freely up and down his hairy, muscular chest. His kinky chest hair tickled my exposed skin even as his chest pressed tightly against my body. When his hand cupped my breast through my bra, I tensed but didn't resist. I didn't resist thirty seconds later when he unsnapped my bra, allowing his hands to freely cup my breasts. I was gasping for breath as he slipped down in the seat so that his face was rubbing against my belly. I held his head as his tongue probed my belly button, then I guided him up so that his face was between my breasts under my tee-shirt.

I felt nothing but raw lust for the handsome man sucking on my breasts. I could hear the distant heavy breathing from the front seat where Jeff and Cathy were probing each other's still clothed body.

"What's going on in here?" shouted someone as they tapped on the carglass. I looked up to see someone standing outside the care with a bright flashlight shinning on Cathy.

Jeff rolled down the window then muttered "Hi, Officer Jacobs. Thought you were off duty tonight."

"Look kid, I don't want any parents riding my ass because of your overactive hormones. Get out of my area."

The cop turned and walked back to his squad car as Cathy scooted off of Jeff's lap. I used that moment to regain control. "Take me home, please. Look, Danny, I like you, but I can't let this go any further now. I've some very strong personal reasons why I can't have sex with you. Believe me, I would if I could."

Chapter 7 - Behind locked doors

I knew that Jeff was going to spend the night in Cathy's room. I couldn't take a chance of him trying to slip into bed with me as I slept so I locked the bedroom door. I wasn't worried about Danny coming back because I could tell that he was a gentleman. Danny wasn't happy because I wouldn't go any further, but he hid his displeasure.

I undressed then lay in the bed thinking about him and the way I felt about him. About what it would be like to let him make love to me. In the dark, I slipped out of the bed, found my pantyhose and put them back on. At least as far up my thighs so that I could play with my erection. I masturbated myself, while I rubbed my legs through the pantyhose, pretending it was Danny's hands doing it to me.

Doctor Johnson took some more blood samples. He had nothing new to report.

For this examination, I didn't have to get undressed. I was wearing sunglasses, a bright yellow low-cut spandex tankdress, pantyhose, sandals, and had some of Amanda's jewelry on. He looked at me as he asked "From your outward appearance, you're adapting to your situation quite well. How are you doing inside?"

I spent the next ten minutes telling him about Danny, about almost submitting to him in the backseat of the car, and about masturbating myself to sleep again.

"Sooner or later, you won't be able to control yourself. You will wind up in bed either with him or someone else. What are you going to do, if they react negatively to your penis?"

"I guess that I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Do you know why I'm adapting so easily to my new sex."

He leaned over, sniffed my neck and noted "I like the smell of your perfume. That may be part of why you're adapting so easy. Its hard to be a man when you smell like a woman."

"Sorry, it was on the dresser and I also liked the smell. Part of my experimentation to see what I like."

"Would you believe that at some point in your life, you were a female?"

"I don't understand."

"For the first thirty-five to forty days after conception, all mammal embryos start forming the basic female structures - uterus, fallopian tubes and vagina. All embryos begins as a female with the basic female structures, until it looks like a recognizable mammal, with toes, fingers and eyes and a heart. Then depending upon the chromosome of the sperm that fertilized the egg, the sexual development continues. For male embryos, two genes switched on to start the embryo on its way toward manhood and dissolves the female parts of the original embryo. It's a combination of the genes and chromosomes that define whether you enter life as a male or female."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"That's because I don't know. The method that allowed you to become younger, change sex and become an almost duplicate of your daughter is unknown to medical science. If we could duplicate with other people, what happened to you, then I would retire a very rich man. Just as your body modified itself to become a clone of your daughter, you mind may have modified itself in some unknown way. You did notice some personality changes. I've also noticed some personality changes as you become more comfortable with yourself."

"So my personality could be a clone of her personality also."

"Or a mixture of her personality, your personality, and your new personality that is reacting from all the changes in your life."

I returned home, to find Jeff's car and Cathy's car parked in the driveway. As I got out of my car, Danny gave a low wolf whistle from one of the open living room windows on the front porch. I smiled at his face peeking through the window as I walked up the steps. I didn't need him to be here today.

Before Danny could say anything, Cathy opened the front door. She was wearing only a hot pink string bikini bathing suit and sandals. She declared "Water problems at school today so they sent all students home. I called Jeff and to see if they wanted to go for a boat ride. Hurry up. Get changed into a bathing suit."

"I don't have one. I can't go with you. Sorry."

"Taa-daa. Here are some of Amanda's bathing suits." she responded holding up a couple of bikinis. I looked at them, knowing that I could wear either of the tops, but there was no way that I could wear any of those skinny bottoms, without exposing my penis.

"Please go. The only reason that I'm going, is because I want you to go with us. If you aren't going, then I won't go." requested Danny. I wanted to look at his face, but I was drawn to his flat, muscular chest, that was lightly coated with chest hair.

Ten minutes later, I was standing in Amanda's bathroom, quickly trimming my pubic hair so that it wouldn't hang out of the bathing suit. Cathy volunteered to help, but I declined her assistance.

Because of her insistent pleading, I forced myself to look in Amanda's clothes until we found a bathing suit that I could really wear. It was a bikini, but the bottom had a swim skirt on it. After I trimmed myself, I put on the string bikini top, then the spandex bottom with its swim skirt and looked at myself in the mirror. With my penis and testicle tightly tucked up between my legs, I did look like a woman. As long as I watched how I sat, I could pull this off. I grabbed a couple of towels, planning on keeping one handy to hide behind as needed. I put on a stonewashed denim empire dress to cover my body as we traveled. As I came downstairs, Cathy popped a wide-brimmed beachhat on my head. She was wearing a blue button-down tankdress to cover her bathing suit.

Jeff had some beer in the car. I sipped a beer as we rode out to the lake, feeling the beer's effect on my body. Or was something else affecting me. It might have been sitting in the back seat of the car with Danny's almost naked body; that was only partially covered by a tight speedo bathing suit. Seeing his muscular thighs, his lightly coated hairy chest, his firm chest muscles, and his washboard belly, was enough to create a little sexual frustration in me.

By the time we got to the lake, I was feeling horny. Very horny. Danny didn't help any as he rubbed lotion on my neck while he whispered sweet bull shit into my ear. My breasts felt sensitive as they strained against the tight bikini top.

I was glad to get out of the car, to stretch my legs as I tried to restore my composure. Danny and Jeff carried the cooler down the path to the cabin. The boat was tied up at the dock, so we put the cooler in it, climbed aboard and cruised down the lake. Jeff found a quiet cove, with a little swimming beach. Danny helped Jeff carry the cooler up to the grassy spot. While Danny and I were spreading out the blanket, Jeff walked back to the boat, where Cathy had stripped down to her bikini as she applied suntan lotion to her body.

I turned my head quickly when I heard the boat motor start again. Jeff had pushed the boat out. With a wave of his hand, he shoved the boat into gear, so that he was leaving us stranded. I watched as they raced out of sight as they went around the cove's point. Danny apologized "I didn't know he was going to do this. I promise to be a good boy. To behave myself. You know the typical boy scout promises."

"I shouldn't have come." I muttered quietly, before I realized how it must've sounded to Danny.

"Sorry. If you like, I'll walk down to the point where I can wait for them to come back. They won't go far. He is looking for a place where they can skinny-dip then fuck each other."

I smiled at him. Although he was young, he was quite mature for his age. "No, please stay with me. It isn't you. I just don't want to get into a relationship with anyone at this time."

"Fine with me. I just got out of college, and have to worry about getting my career going. Let's go swimming."

I removed the dress. As I dropped it to the ground, I could feel him stare at me. But only for a moment, before he grabbed and carried me to the water. I lightly fought him all the way, even when we went under water. As soon as he dunked me, he turned me loose. I put my foot against his chest and pushed off, underwater.

I came up about thirty feet away. He took a deep breath as he slipped back underwater, headed for me. I swam away, knowing that his more powerful strokes would quickly catch me. I was right. A strong wrist grabbed my foot and jerked me underwater. It wasn't deep; he could stand but it was over my head. For the next ten seconds, we had a free-for-all no-holds barred underwater fight. When we both surfaced, we were laughing. But only briefly, as he ducked underwater, swimming between my open legs, then he wrapped his massive thighs around my legs as he pulled me under. I fought him as we grappled underwater, knowing that I wasn't hurting him. When we surfaced this time, he had a funny smile on his face. Then he ducked underwater again as he rammed his head between my legs. I locked my ankles so that I was squeezing his head as tight as I could for five seconds, before I released my hold. When he surfaced, he grabbed me, pulling me tight against his body as he kissed me. I melted into his body, putting my arms around his neck as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

For at least a minute, we kissed slowly, softly. My arms went around Danny, holding him tight as we kissed, tongues eagerly darting in and out of open mouths, running lightly across our parted lips. I felt Danny's hands on my back, as my own fingernails were digging into his flesh as I became more aroused. I don't believe this, I thought; I'm kissing a man. I was wrapped around his waist, supporting myself on his solid frame. Then he softly asked "Who are you?"

"Who do you want me to me?" was my husky response.

"My lover."

"I can't be. I told you that I've got personal reasons why I can't make love to you."

"Listen closely to me. When I went away to college, I was very naive. I still had my old high school jock mentality. I had to fuck a different college girl every night or there was something wrong with me. After I got away from my high school crowd, I began to realize that the women that I were chasing, weren't what I wanted. They were attractive, fun to be with, and often good lovers; but something was missing. To make a long college history story short, one night I picked up a woman when I was slightly drunk. We went back to her place to her couch where she gave me the best blow job that I ever had. She went into the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. I peaked through the door slit to watch her as she undressed."

"Typical voyeur. Is that what turns you on?" I whispered as we lightly spun in the water.

"I saw her pee from a standing up position. She had a penis tucked into her panties. I ran naked from her apartment, carrying my clothes as I ran. I dressed in the stairwell. I went back to my dorm and used every combination of mouthwash that I could."

I didn't say a word. I didn't like where this was going.

"I finally went to sleep. I dreamed about her or him or it all night. When I woke up, I had the hardest boner that I had ever had in my life. I tried to talk to a friend about what happened but got laughed at. Then I shut up. But I couldn't get her out of my mind. I'd think about her at night when I was trying to sleep. After about two weeks, I somehow found the courage to knock on her door. She opened her door and just stared at me. I apologized and asked to come in. She let me come in. I told her that I was sorry that I had ran out. She asked me why I came back. I told her that I didn't know. Only that I felt drawn to her. She smiled at me as she lit a cigarette. She sat back down on the couch where she had given me the blowjob. She crossed her leg, exposing the finest set of legs that I had ever seen. She asked me if I was attracted to her. I affirmed that I wanted her. When I declared that, she put the cigarette out, dropped to her knees so that her face was level with my zipper. She whispered `Bring the big boy to mamma.'. I felt myself step forward. As she unzipped my trousers, I could feel the hardest erection that I had ever experienced. She dropped my trousers around my ankles. As she wrapped her warm lips around my cock, she dug her fingernails into my butt so hard that I thought she was cutting me. After she sucked me off, she got back on the couch, lit another cigarette then asked me if I was going to run away again. I told her no. She stood up, helped me step out of my trousers and led me by the hand back into her bedroom. She finished undressing me and ordered me to lie naked on her bed."

I was thinking about unclasping my legs so that I could get off of him. But he was still holding me tight so that I had to face him as he talked. He continued "She pulled her dress off so that I could see that she was only wearing panties and a bra. She turned off the bedroom light so the only light in the room was from the faint light down the hallway. She straddled my body, bending and kissing me as she brought me fully aroused again. She gently stroked my cock as she asked me Why did you run?'. I told her I saw you pee standing up. You have a cock.'. She smiled, licked my cock with her warm tongue. Then she asked me Why did you come back?'. I responded truthfully when I told her I want to make love to you.' She asked `I was going to go out tonight. I've cleaned my rectum in case I picked someone up. Do you want to fuck me?'. I nodded my head. She unsnapped her padded bra, revealing some small breasts. They didn't look like male or female breasts; but they definitely weren't male breasts. I discovered later that she wasn't too far into her hormone treatments. The nipples were pouty, but there wasn't too much there. Then she removed her panties, letting me see her cock as she put a big, cold hunk of Vaseline on my engorged cock. She straddled me so that I slid inside her rectum. We fucked two more times before she sent me home that night."

"So why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Marie was my lover for most of my college stay. Once a month, we would spend a weekend together. I quickly learned to provide her relief just as she provided me relief. After I came home, none of the girls around here really interested me sexually anymore. Jeff knew that I used to have an secret crush on Amanda in high school, so he pushed me to go out with you. I guess that I'm bi-sexual because I like my sex both ways now."

"How long have you known? About me, that is."

"Last night when I first met you, I knew that you weren't comfortable about something. You looked very natural, but your mannerisms weren't what I expected from a natural woman. You didn't sit like a woman, walk like a woman, or talk like a woman; although you tried to make small talk like a woman. Your mannerism's were more male than female. As the evening went on, I decided that you were real. But maybe your sexual orientation was butch and that you didn't have too much experience showing your feminine side and you were just trying to be kind to me. Later on, when we were playing in the car, I accidentally brushed against you and felt a definite erection. I didn't want you to know that I recognized it as a penis. I was trying to figure out how to brush against you again, when the cop showed up. Today, Cathy was letting Jeff suck on her titties as you changed clothes. I came upstairs to surprise you. I knocked lightly but you were running water in the sink. I opened the door and could see you shaving yourself. I saw enough to know that my assumption was correct last night."

"Do they know?"

"I didn't tell them. Especially Jeff. If he ever knew that . . . . , well, if he ever knew about some of the things that I learned to do, he would die. Big brothers have a image to live up to."

"What do you expect from me?"

"Now that know each other secrets, I want nothing but a chance to see if we can get along. You didn't say what your personal reasons were, but I wanted to let you know that I'm more understanding than you think I'm. To me, you're a woman. I'll treat you with the same respect as I treat any woman. I'll buy you flowers, hold the door open for you, and be proud to walk down any street holding your hand. I want to be your man and want you to be my woman."

Chapter 8 - Was it as good for you as ....

"Take me." I softly commanded.

There was clearly lust in his eyes but it was tempered with something I couldn't define. All I knew was that he was exciting me in a way that I had never experienced before. His body twitched as my skin rubbed against his skin. This only heightened this new and wonderful arousal coursing through me.

I was still wrapped around his waist, floating in the water. He had his hands around my lower back, supporting me. I slowly eased my arms from around his neck. I found the tie strings for my bikini top and pulled on it, letting my straps drop down. I reached behind me and found the snap. I watched as the bikini top floated away from my breasts, because of the slight padding in the cloth's top.

Danny softly whispered in a husky voice as he stared at my nipples "Your breasts look very real. I was admiring them last night before I accidentally rubbed against you. I was wondering what it would be like to bury my head between your soft flesh."

"My breasts are real." I whispered back, hearing the same husky sexy sound in my voice. "No surgeon gave me those breasts. Now are you going to do anything or just spend the rest of the day talking? Those two clowns will be back soon."

He attacked my breasts with his lips as he started walking out of the water, carrying me onto the shore. My breasts ached as his lips pressed hard against them. I knew what I wanted, at that moment, more than anything else; and I knew that my life had changed forever.

He buried his face in the cleft between my breasts and began to lick me. His hands slid up my side to cup my breasts as his tongue slid first up one slope to circle and flick the nipple, then down across the valley to the other peak. as he took my nipples hungrily into his mouth.

Lifting his mouth from my wet breasts, Danny looked up at my face, allowing me to see his dark eyes glowing with lust, before he dropped his head to my nipple again and sucked like a hungry baby. I groaned a light moan of pleasure as he wrapped his tongue around my rubbery nipple. With his tongue and lips, he was making my nipples stand erect. I could feel them jutting out with a red-hot heat radiating from my now sensitive nipples.

I was rubbing my boobs against his hairy chest as he carried me up on shore. He placed me down on the blanket so that I was lying on my back. Then he slipped out of his bathing suit, revealing his large, heavy engorged cock. His cock looked enormous. It was already oozing precum steadily.

I slipped out of my bikini bottom, letting my small penis escape from its tucked position. He kneeled as he whispered "Your breasts are so firm and beautiful. You have the most beautiful body that I've ever seen. Does Amanda have a penis also?"

"No, she is the real thing. Think of me as an almost clone."

He began caressing both of my breasts with both hands. He pinched both nipples hard, causing my nipples to tighten into knots. I moaned as I felt my cock beginning to stiffen. He ran his huge hands over my body, stroking my thighs, teasing my cock as he massaged my buttocks.

We found each others tongues as we probed deeply into each other's mouth. It surprised me that his lips were so soft and his hand so gentle on my flesh. I craved his touch and wanted him to explore all of my body.

The touch of his hands had caused me to lose control again. I was gently using my leg and back muscles to slightly hump myself as he played with me. When he leaned over and licked my cock, I groaned as I grabbed his hair, holding his head there. For about ten seconds, he sucked my cock into his mouth. Then he pulled loose as he commanded "Roll over. I want to take you doggie fashion."

I rolled over, bent my knees and sat up so that I was in the classic bitch position. I felt something cold as he rubbed some lubricant on my little rosebud. When I felt his hand on my ass with his fingers lubricating my greased ass-hole, I started to panic. "It's ok. There will be just a little pain, then you will feel the most pleasurable sensation possible. Just relax."

I took a deep breath and braced myself. He whispered "No, you're still too tense to accept me. Let me relax you a little."

I knew it was a gentle shove, but it felt as if he rammed his index finger all the way in. It was as if a hot poker had been shoved up my ass. The shot of pain roared through me, causing me to gasp from the pain.

"I don't think I can do this. If your finger hurts this much, your cock will kill me." I cried.

"Relax. Is this your first time?"

"Yes." I groaned.

"I thought so. Just relax, take a deep breath and try to relax as I prepare you."

He didn't remove his finger completely, but pulled it almost all the way out, then slowly slid it in and out, spreading the lubricant. Although that caused some pain, the pain was very minor, compared to the first invasion.

His finger inside me was beginning to feel good and I had already almost forgotten about the pain. I pushed my ass back against his probing finger, and bowed deeper as I slightly arched my back. I was concentrating on pulling his finger deep inside me, when he suggested "Just relax. I promise to make sure that you enjoy this just as much as I do."

He spread my legs as he eased in behind me. I put my head down, raised my ass as high as I could for him, and spread my legs wide. With his knees he pushed my legs apart as he withdrew his finger from my ass. I jerked as he rubbed his large cock against my ass- cheeks gently applying pressure and gradually opening them up. He stroked it up and down, then positioned it at the entrance to my ass.

He began to rub the cockhead up and down my crack, from my swinging testicle, over my asshole, and back again. I felt him move his weight on top of me. He was rubbing the jelly up into my asshole with each stroke. My entire crack felt as if it was slick, soaking wet. He began to press it against my ass with a firm steady pressure. We held this position for a second or two but the pressure of his cock on my ass remained steady and relentless. I groaned loudly when he pressed his large and thick cock forward.

He didn't completely penetrate me at first, thank god. But what he did, caused enough pain to make my eyes water. My spincter held for a few seconds, before it yielded to his gentle forcing, as he played with me. Before I could say anything, he pressed harder again, easing himself into my ass. The head slipped in suddenly, and I gasped from the intense pain.

He groaned, "Hold on. If we give up now, all that pain was for nothing. Relax so I can push the rest in slowly."

Tears were streaming down my face. It was extreme pain, but I found myself pushing back on his cock, allowing his cock shaft to slowly inch its way in, stretching my rectum beyond imagination.

He paused as I jerked from my own movement, but he held onto me, keeping me from pulling away. When I quit my involuntary jerking, he began to move it a little deeper in my asshole, slowly, introducing a little more cock with each tiny stroke. He went slowly at first to give my muscles a chance to expand to accommodate his huge cock.

How do you describe pain that feels good?

Although it hurt, I wanted more. I was gasping for breath and sweat was dripping off my nose. I allowed his hands on my waist to gently rock me back and forth as he continued his forward thrust. I arched my back and groaned from the mixture of pain and pleasure.

He was fucking me and I was enjoying it. As I pushed back, I reached behind me with one hand to pull apart my ass-cheeks hoping to give him more access. I wanted him so badly. As he furiously pumped my ass, all I could do was bounce back and forth and try desperately to match his movements.

He was leaned over me so that he could nibble on my neck as he reached around, finding my hard cock. As he thrust himself into me, he was using his hand to masturbate me.

The pain was tremendous, but somehow, it felt wonderful. And only lasted for a couple of seconds until it was replaced by one of the most pleasurable sensations that I had ever experienced. He was slowly stroking it deep inside me, causing my muscles to expand to accept his large cock. He was going in and out. In and out. With each stroke, he was going just a little faster and deeper into a very tight area.

Without warning, he jerked his cock out of me. I groaned and reached back for him. He bent over as he nuzzled my ear, whispering "You're so hot. I like that. I like for it to be very hot. I like it when it's virgin tight. I like to put my cock into a slippery, hot ass. Now that I've told you what I like, it's your turn. Tell me you want it. Tell me you have to have it. Tell me what you want me to do."

He was stroking his cock against my rosebud. I opened my mouth but found it difficult to talk. I groaned "GIIIIIVVVVVEEE IIIIITTTTTTT TOOOOO MEEEE!"

He slid into my ass slowly until all of his shaft was inside me. I moaned as my body started jerking again.

When the jerking stopped, he resumed his humping. He was also jacking me off with one hand, while holding onto me with the other hand. I gasped when I first felt his fingers toy with my pubic hair. Then as his hand wrapped around my very erect small cock, I moaned involuntarily, releasing a low, throaty sound of confusion and desire. He nibbled on the base of my neck as his fingers softly stroked me. As I felt another man's hand gently caressing my cock, my mind short- circuited. My low moan changed into a sharp cry of pure delight as my body reacted to Danny's touch.

Suddenly I felt myself getting ready to come. I tensed up as that familiar wave collected in my body and roared down my tubes. As the cum spurted out, he kept stroking me, pumping me dry. I tried to collapse but he held me up, keeping me in position as he kept pounding his huge cock deep inside me.

I knew that it was only a couple of minutes, but it seemed like hours that he fucked me. He never let my cock grow soft because he kept stroking it as he pounded repeatedly deep into me. I wanted him to cum. I wanted to feel him shake as he filled my ass with his cum.

My breath was becoming ragged as I matched his rhythm. My body was exhausted from the constant contorting and humping against his pounding cock; but I wouldn't quit for the world. The moans that were escaping from me aroused me and also frightened me because I couldn't control my own reaction.

He let go of my cock and grabbed my ass with both of his hands as he began driving his cock furiously into me. I knew that he was getting ready to cum, so I braced myself. My back was wet with our mixed sweat.

He was pounding me so hard and fast that I thought that he would rip something inside me. I was shocked back into reality when his groans became alarmingly loud and desperate. Then I felt him tense as his cum boiled up deep within his body. He rammed his cock as hard and deep as he could.

I pushed my ass up into the air and tried to tighten my spincter muscles even tighter around his cock. For a moment both of us weren't moving. Then I felt a small tremor flow through his cock shaft to his cock head. He was supporting himself above me, his legs spread wide with my slender legs wrapped around his. I heard him grunt as he threw his head back, his body arching as the first orgasm washed over him. I turned my head so that I could look at him through half-closed eyes, seeing the pleasure, the passion in his expression. He jerked as a jet of hot cum pumped into my rectum. For about ten seconds, he pumped jet after jet of hot cum deep into my ass as he resumed his fucking motions.

At that moment I was experiencing one of the most exquisite feelings of release I had ever sensed in my life. Then he collapsed on my body, causing both of us to roll over on the blanket. We lay like that for several long seconds as I felt his cock shrivel up and slide out of my rectum. I lay there with my legs shaking and unable to support me. My ass-hole throbbed and seemed to pulse with the lingering pain.

I had been fucked. Fucked in the ass by a man. And I wanted to do it again.

I lay there in his arms, listening to his deep breathing as his body slowly returned to normal. I could feel the tingle of my skin as the light breeze cooled off my sweat-covered body. I could feel his cum oozing out of my ass. I lay on his chest and could hear the beating of his heart. I wanted to think over and over about the pleasurable experience we had just shared. He had given me a pleasure that couldn't be measured. I knew, that I had made love to him with as much passion as any sensuous woman would have done.

I felt so natural and comfortable. So satisfied. Deciding to let Danny make love to me wasn't a difficult decision, for some reason.

I slowly pulled away from him and sat up. Or tried to sit up. My ass was very tender. I stood up, picked up my swimsuit bottom and started walking toward the water. With the first step, I discovered that I was so sore that I wouldn't be riding a bicycle soon.

I walked out into the water until I was neck deep and just relaxed, letting the water cleansed me after I put my bottom on. I watched him as he stood up and walked naked down to the water. He dived underwater and came up just in front of me.

"Remind me to give myself an enema first next time." I grumped in a teasing tone.

"Come here."

I put my arms around his neck, thinking about wrapping my legs around his waist again, but quickly discovered that I didn't want to do that because of my now very tender areas. He saw the pain on my face so he put his arms gently around me, holding me as I floated.

For several minutes, we floated around, just talking. Then we heard the boat come back into the cove. We watched it as it came around the point, stopping over where we left the towels. Cathy smiled when she saw that I was topless. Jeff had a big silly grin on his face. He yelled "You two got any beer left."

I replied "Yes, but you have to earn it first. My top is floating somewhere that way. You have the boat. Go find it."

Jeff laughed and re-started the boat. He cruised down the cove as I suggested to Danny "I need to clean up our mess before they see the brown stains."

Danny ducked me and started swimming. I headed to the beach, swimming until it was too shallow to swim any further. I stood up, then walked up on the beach to where we had made a mess of the beach towel. I folded it up, making sure to put the stained areas inside.

The boat motor raced as Jeff found the top. He came speeding back up to the beach, waving my top as if it was a trophy. He jumped out of the boat, ran forward until he reached me. He dropped to his knees as he proclaimed "Your honorable knight has returned from his mission to find your holy cloth."

I pushed him over as I grabbed my top from his outstretched hands. He lay on the ground, staring at my boobs with a leer on his face as I put the top back on. Then Cathy started laughing and pointing at the water. I turned to see what she was laughing at. Then I started laughing also as I saw Danny walking out of the water. He was still nude, with his cock proudly hanging down between his legs as he walked.

Jeff laughed as he asked "Was it as good for you two as it was for me?"

I responded to his question by pouring a beer on him.

Danny slept with me in the guest bedroom that night. Jeff was also down the hall in Cathy's room. Somehow, it felt right to have those two men in the house.

By that, I meant that it didn't bother me that some boy was screwing my youngest daughter in her bedroom. Or that some man was jabbing his cock into my mouth and ass.

I had changed. Changed a lot. I was enjoying being a female. Or if you insist on using more appropriate terminology, I was enjoying being a she-male. I really didn't know what it was like to be a female because I didn't have a vagina. But except for that minor difference, I was a female.

I was also a young female. I felt that I had lost some of my maturity. And a lot of my stuffiness. As I looked at Cathy, I didn't see my daughter. I saw my friend. My partner in crime as we slipped our boyfriends into the house.

Speaking of boyfriends, Danny asked me to be his girlfriend. While he didn't come out and say it, he hinted that he'd move into an apartment if he could find the right room mate. I ignored him because I was going through another depressing mood fluctuation at that time. For some reason, I wanted to cry at that moment, so I was biting my tongue to hide my real emotions.

Chapter 9 - The fight

I had just finished my morning appointment with Doctor Johnson. I told him about Danny and sex with Danny. He listened to me without making any comments. He didn't say a word about how I was dressed, but as usual he made some notes about my appearance in his medical chart on me. Today, I was wearing white cut-off denim shorts, a chartreuse terry sweatshirt and tennis shoes. I was also braless for the first time in public.

After collecting today's samples, he announced "The preliminary lab results indicate that your body is mass producing female hormones. This coincides with your reported symptoms. You notice frequent symptoms of lethargic, depression, a weak feeling which is the signature of your mood swing, and strong uncontrollable sexual urges. I associate those symptoms with other symptoms that have been documented on transsexual patients that are on hormone therapy. You see, the effects of changing hormone dosage can cause similar mood disorders that women with PMS experience. Most Transsexuals report those symptoms when they first started hormones, or any time they forget a dose or impulsively change their dosage. Your tissues which are supported by male hormones should diminish and stop functioning as those tissues which are supported by female hormones continue to develop and begin functioning. So my diagnosis about the hormones was correct. However, I don't want to start you on any corrective hormones yet, until we are sure of your natural hormone balance."

"I don't remember being lethargic."

"That was noted. I don't understand why you haven't experienced it, but there are several things about you that I don't understand or may never understand. I guess it's time to discuss some things that I've been thinking about. I want you to see a therapist. You may not realize it but you're changing mentally. You have a different attitude and perspective about life than you did as a man. The dedicated family man and logical scientist is gone. You have become a horny college girl. The only thing that appears to still be mentally correct with you, is your memory. I would be remise in my medical responsibility if I didn't advise you to seek professional counseling; and to obtain a lawyer."

"I'm willing to follow your medical advice."

"I'll make some discreet inquires to see what I can set up for you."

I left his office and was opening my car when someone grabbed my wrist. Startled, I turned to see Tommy standing beside me with a sarcastic grin on his face.

"How come you aren't returning my phone calls? The party's tonight. What time will you be ready?"

"I'm not going with you. If I do attend, I'll probably be by myself or with someone else. For your information, I'm not Amanda. My name is Renee."

"I heard that line of bullshit. Cathy's boyfriend has been telling everyone that you're Amanda's twin. But you can't fool me. I know you too well. Yes sir, you can't fool me. As for not going to the party with me, nobody dumps me. I'll be over at 7 PM. Be ready." he commanded, turning around to walk away from me. I just stared at the arrogant asshole's back as he climbed in his car. As he drove away, I gave him a finger.

How did Amanda ever tolerate him? At that time, I thought that he was a nice boy, because he was always polite around me. Now that I saw his true colors, I wanted to kick his ass.

Danny came by the house to eat lunch with me. I was fixing the sandwiches when he slipped up behind me, holding me as he slipped his hands under my blouse. He reached around me, cupped my breasts in his hands, rubbing his palms all over my breasts as he nibbled on my neck. I loved the feel of his hands touching me through my satiny bra. Although we hadn't started eating lunch yet, I felt an uncontrollable urge to let him fuck me. It was such a strong emotion that I couldn't ignore it or let him begin lunch. I wanted him to fuck me on the kitchen floor, but he carried me upstairs to my new bedroom.

In the next two hours, he fucked me three different times. The first time, it was nothing but pure animal lust for each other as he repeatedly pounded his body against my out-thrust ass. We started with him placing me on the bed, with my head buried in his lap. He had me lie on my stomach as he massaged my neck and back. I moaned as he gently moved his fingers and tongue up and down my back, legs and ass. By the time he was ready to lubricate my anus, I was moaning loudly as I tried to suck him dry. After he applied the jelly, there was only a momentary pain until he inserted his cock in far enough to pass my sphincter muscle. He quickly buried his cock deep inside my ass, satisfying him as his stroking hand satisfied me. Then afterwards, we enjoyed a long warm, wet shower where we gently kissed, and licked each other clean.

The second time was a wonderful slow, sixty nine on each other. I felt him start by running his tongue over the head of my cock. I enjoyed the moist warmth of his lips and tongue as he skillfully wrapped his warm lips around my shaft. He totally engulfed my dick like a sword-swallower and slowly moved up and down it, driving me insane with lust. Danny controlled me with his tongue and throat muscles building me up slowly as I fucked his face and sucked his huge cock.

I liked the way that he would fuck my face with a slow even tempo, while I swallowed his throbbing cock. I felt his cock began to bulge up, as a sign that he was ready to shoot his cum. He began to thrust in and out faster, shoving the cock completely down my waiting throat. I could smell his pungent man scent as his balls slapped against my chin with each thrust. Then he tensed as he shot wad after wad of thick and salty semen down my throat. I eagerly swallowed each spurt of his cum. Danny continued to thrust his dick in my mouth until it became flaccid. Our bodies relieved, Danny and I lay in bed quietly, regaining our breath.

The next time started out by him sucking me until I was very erect, then he assumed the ass-high position, allowing me to penetrate his ass with my small dick. After I filled him full of my cum, he rolled me over so that I was spread-eagled on my back, with his cock up my ass.

Both of us enjoyed the way that we pleasured each other. We would tease each other by purposely holding out as we embraced and kissed for long periods. We were intimately familiar with each other's bodies and knew where to linger to pleasure each other. At times, we became one person, slowly, enticing each other to reach the outer most limits of our passions.

After we finished, we were lying curled up, just listening to each other's breathing, enjoying that most relaxing after-sex feeling, when I heard a door slam. Then I heard Cathy yell "Renee."

"Up here." I groaned, pulling a sheet over Danny and myself, but remaining in the same curled up position on top of Danny.

My bedroom door opened and Cathy paused as she saw that Danny was in bed with me. Then she apologized "Sorry, but I'm worried about Dad. I called to check to see when he was coming back. I can't find him anywhere. Did he say anything that morning about someplace else where he might be?"

I felt my stomach tense as I realized that I was going to have to make a decision soon as to telling the girls the truth. I slowly collected my thoughts then informed her. "There was a phone call from him on the recorder this morning. Sorry but I accidentally deleted it as I was listening to it. He had a change in plans and will call you Monday morning."

"Oh, thank god. I started getting worried when I thought that something might have happened to him. Thanks."

She started to shut the door, then smiled as she jokingly gasped "Renee. As one girl to another girl, you must learn to swallow all the cum instead of letting it dry on your chin."

She shut the door before my thrown pillow hit it. I could hear her laughing as she went down the hall.

Danny was staring at my naked body. He suggested "You've trimmed your pubes, but you still have too much hair. It tickles my nose when I go down on you. Let me shave you and turn you into a real girlie-boy."

I wasn't sure what to do or how respond. As he gathered the shaving gear from the bathroom, I only had a couple of seconds to decide if I wanted him to do this to me. Shaving my legs is one thing, but shaving my one and only ball is a different matter. When he came back into the bedroom, he had such a big smile on his face that I knew that he was really looking forward to shaving me. There was no way now that I could stop him. He placed a towel on the bed for me to lie on. When I was comfortable, I felt a coolness as he spread a cool foam over my lower tummy.

He grasped the base of my shaft and pulled it to one side, holding it in his warm hand as he whispered "Trust me. When I'm finished with you, this will look just like an eight year old boy's pretty little boy-cock. You'll like the way it feels, having your beautiful skin bare. You'll wonder why you didn't shave yourself sooner. So just lie back and relax; let me surprise you."

I was looking at his face and not at what he was doing to me. He was talking to my cock and not to my face. I leaned back and relaxed, knowing that he wouldn't hurt me. I felt the razor tug slightly on the hairs as he slowly pulled it across my skin, causing my skin to feel very cool from the cleared foam. As the razor gently removed what little hair I had, he smiled.

I felt a mild erection start because of the warmth of his hand around me. He looked up from my cock to my eyes for just a second to flash me a smile before he looked back down. He adjusted his handhold on my cock so that his thumb was resting on top of it. Then he slowly started moving his thumb in a slow rotating motion similar to that motion that everyone makes when they tell the "world's smallest record player" joke. My mild erection quickly became a big erection. Big for me, that is.

He softly sighed "Good, it makes it so much easier to shave, when it stands up by itself."

Working slowly, he had my shaft smooth in a few minutes. His constant rubbing of his thumb back and forth over my head, helped to insure that my erection didn't fade.

When he was finished shaving me, he wiped my shaved shaft and scrotum with a warm washcloth. Then he dropped to his knees so that his face was only inches from my still erect cock, which was tingling from his gentle touch. He leaned forward, letting his warm breath float across my freshly shaved area. Then he proclaimed "I'm going to examine you to see if there are any rough areas. My face is very soft and sensitive."

With two fingers, he held my erection as he lightly touched my shaft against his cheek. For just a moment, it rested against his soft flesh before he slowly rotated his face, tilting his head slightly so my cockhead passed just under his nose and above his lips. When my cock was on his other cheek, he proclaimed "Soft as a baby's butt. Don't go away."

He stood and walked into the bathroom, returning with a bottle of baby oil. I watched as he poured a little baby oil in his cupped hand, letting it warm to his hand's warm temperature.

He ran his oil coated hand lightly over my cock and shaved abdomen. "How does that feel? Do you want me to stop?" he asked as he rubbed the oil into my skin. I felt a drop of oil slowly drip down my ass as his slick hand glided around my erection. He made sure that I was very smooth, slick and ready.

"No. I want you." I groaned answering the last question.

He dropped back down to his knees, positioning his lips only inches from my cock so that I was feeling his warm breath as he slowly pronounced each word "We have so much to teach each other. I'm going to give you the best blow job that you ever had."

He slipped his well lubricated thumb into my ass as he wrapped his lips around my hard cock.

It wasn't my best ever blow job ever but it definitely was one of the top three.

Danny informed me. "I need to get cleaned up and go home for awhile. I'll be back to pick you up at 7. Some of our friends are having a party tonight that I want to take you to."

"I can't go to that party. Why don't you pick me up at six and we'll find something else to do?"

"Is it because of Tommy that you can't go? Some of my friends say that he's bragging that you're his date tonight. And he's already rented a motel room to screw you after the party."

"Yes. He thinks that I'm Amanda and he gave me a hard time today. In my former life, I'd kicked his ass, if he talked to a woman like that in my presence."

"What former life?"

"Oh. I meant . . . I didn't like what he said. He enjoys humiliating women. Just leave it at that."

Danny stood up, as he pulled on his T-shirt. I stared at his huge cock, just hanging down, waiting for something warm to surround it. For a moment, I daydreamed about what I would like to do with his cock. Then reality hit me as I realized that Danny was dressing.

I had selected a watermelon colored sport tanktop because I liked the way it made my breasts look bigger and the way it exposed my bare midriff. I was wearing a white cotton jersey pant with stripes to match the tanktop.

Danny had arrived at 6 PM, but refused to leave with me because he knew that he would have to face Tommy sooner or later. I tried to get him to leave, or to leave with me, but he refused. He just sat on the porch waiting for Tommy.

Then Tommy arrived, pulling up in his car. He didn't bother to get out of the car. He just looked at Danny sitting on the porch. Then Tommy angrily asked "What are you doing here?"

"Renee is my girl. I came by to take her to the party tonight. Are you going to leave peacefully?"

"Yeah. I thought that I had a date for tonight, but it looks like I'll have to make other plans. See you at the party." he declared as he shifted gears, pulling out of the driveway with his tires squealing.

I came out on the porch, watching his car pick up speed as he drove away. I quietly uttered "I don't want to go to the party. Let's stay here tonight."

"I'm going to have to meet him sooner or later. He won't let it drop. We have to go tonight. If you won't go with me, then I'll go by myself to meet him. You wouldn't understand that a man has to do what a man has to do."

I called him a fucking asshole as I ran into the house, with tears streaming down my face.

We were an hour late getting to the party. I had to put my make-up back on and my face felt swollen from where I had been crying. I had delayed Danny as much as I could, then left with him when I knew that he was leaving without me.

It was an outdoor party at someone's lake-side cabin. As we walked through the crowd of teenagers, I could smell pot and there was no attempt to hide the beer. It was a typical kid's party. Several people spoke to us, with most of them calling me Amanda. We talked to a couple of them, with Danny introducing me as Renee. Then it happened.

"Nobody takes my woman away." yelled a loud voice behind us.

I turned to see Tommy standing there with three of his friends backing him up. For just a moment I wished that Danny was a fiery, muscle-bound warrior that I could turn loose against this fool. I knew that I couldn't shut my eyes and ignore the situation.

I stepped between him and Danny as I declared "You made three mistakes. First, I've never been your woman. Or would want to be your woman. Second, my name is Renee, not Amanda. I'm a cousin of Amanda's. Third, you have insulted me. I don't want a fight and am willing to forget it. Just turn around and walk away. It's over."

I saw a few minute drops of perspiration on his brow and suspected he had been drinking even before he got to the party. Tommy took a sip of his beer and threw the empty beercan at my feet as he cried "Fucking, lying bitch. I don't know what I ever saw in you anyway."

Danny pushed me aside as he stepped forward. "She is my woman and you can't talk to her like that."

Tommy faked a jab at Danny's head and Danny ducked, as Tommy followed through with a hard shot into Danny's midsection. Danny grunted as Tommy slammed another shot in the same place. Danny stepped back, then moved in throwing a straight right at Tommy's head. Tommy ducked under his arm and pounded Danny with a quick left to his ribs. Danny's grunt of pain could be heard by the entire crowd. Before he could recover, Tommy landed a short chopping smack to his cheek. Danny staggered, stunned by the effect of Tommy's punches.

Grabbing Danny's shirt around the neck, Tommy fell backwards as he straightened his legs into Danny's stomach, which sent Danny tumbling to land heavily on his back, knocking the breath out of him. Before he could get up, one of Tommy's friends placed his foot in the middle of Danny's chest.

I tried to run to him, but someone grabbed me and held me so that I couldn't do anything but struggle against his tight hold on me. As he applied moderate pressure around my chest pinning my arms, I struggled to free myself but to no avail. Even tugging on his forearm with both my hands was insufficient to break his stronger hold.

I watched as Tommy swaggered over to Danny. A crowd had formed around them but no one was helping Danny. The kid holding Danny down, removed his foot as Tommy kicked Danny in the ribs.

I kicked off my shoe and jammed my heel down as hard as I could on my enemy's ankle, causing him to release his hold on me. Before he could grab me again, I took three quick steps forward, concentrating on Tommy's wide legged stance. On the third step, I brought my right let up, kicking as if I was kicking a field goal. Only the ball that I was kicking, was between Tommy's spread legs.

My forward momentum was enough so that the force of my kick knocked me to the ground. As I fell, I watched Tommy bend forward and fall to the ground. I quickly scrambled to my feet and looked around at Tommy's friends to see if any of them was going to come at me. They were just staring at me. I turned my head to see Tommy all curled up in a ball on the ground as he threw up. It appears that my kick had been right on the target.

"Get out of my way." screamed Jeff as he forced himself through the crowd. He jumped into the circle, looking at Danny and Tommy down on the ground as he went into a fighting stance.

Someone in the crowd yelled "It's over. We didn't want any trouble or want to mess with Tommy when's he drunk. The young lady took care of him."

I walked over to Danny, who was holding his ribs as he laid on the ground. Jeff and I helped him to his feet and then to Danny's car. I wanted to drive Danny to the hospital, but he refused, so I drove Danny home. To my home. To my bed, where I would take care of my warrior. The man that fought for my honor. Neither one of us uttered anything about how I had rescued him, because as far as I was concerned, he was the hero.

I undressed him and surveyed the damage. He had some minor cuts, but there was nothing that a couple of days wouldn't heal. I cleaned his cuts, feeling very protective of him, like he was mine and I would always take care of him. I don't like fights but for some strange reason, I felt proud that he had shed some blood for me.

I undressed and slipped into bed, curling up next to his aching body. I pressed my breasts up against the heat of his back and simply held him for a while, wrapping my arms around him as I held him. That night with Danny curled up in my arms, I slept the best sleep that I had in a long time.

Chapter 10 - My mental condition

Danny had slipped out of bed while I slept. He had to go to work and didn't want to wake me. When I woke up and realized that he was gone, I curled back up around his pillow, smelling his manly smell on the pillow. I didn't want to get up. I just wanted to lie in bed all day.

Then I realized that I was feeling sluggish. And I didn't care about nothing except lying in bed. I figured it had to be some more of those hormonal effects that Doctor Johnson had warned me about.

It was an effort to get up, take a shower, and get dressed for my morning appointment with Doctor Johnson. I didn't feel like going anywhere, much less to the doctor's office.

Somehow, I made it, although I was twenty minutes late. He had a surprise for me. "Renee, this is Doctor Sumifo. I've told him about your recent medical changes, and asked him to meet with you this morning to evaluate your mental condition."

Four hours later, I had the bad news. The doctor had noticed at the start that although I was experiencing something that he described as torpor or lethargy, he was still able to discern other trends. Although I had the memories of a forty-seven years old man, I didn't have the mental maturity functioning of someone that age. He said that the special medical tests showed results expected for a normal teenage girl. Except for a major fluctuation in what he called the biogenic amine. He explained it as a group of naturally occurring, biologically active amines, such as norepinephrine, histamine, and serotonin, that act primarily as neurotransmitters and are capable of affecting mental functioning. He noted that an extreme case of this condition could cause puerilism, which is childish behavior in an adult.

He was all excited by my lab work results, although he agreed that the biogenic amine results were too far out of the normal range, to predict the exact mental impact it would have on me. Or if I would have this problem for the rest of my life.

It seems that my reasoning and judgment had been affected by my physical change also. While I scored high in tests involving memory, there was such inconsistency in the judgment tests, that the doctor wasn't able to determine a pattern. I think Doctor Johnson summed it up by stating that my reasoning ability was controlled more now by hormonal influences than by maturity influences. My temperament was within the range expected of someone that was my apparent age of nineteen.

Doctor Sumifo was quite enthused about my potential to adapt to my new environment. He joked about how I could still write my name in the snow; but at the same time I could enjoy that special freedom that only women can experience. He told me that once I learned how to use my freedom to play with roles, that my life would be much richer and I would be much happier. He emphasized that I needed to first work on my ability to converse as a woman by using my ability to listen.

He told me that my successful transition from male to female was dependent upon my mental adaptation as well as the physical adaptation. Except for the hormonal influences, I should settle down into being about the same person I had always been. He expected me to be able to have a long term monogamous relationship as a female because that had been my trait when I was a male.

They were going to observe me for several weeks before recommending any medical treatments. I could expect some type of hormone prescription to help maintain my female sexual characteristics and some diminution of my left-over male characteristics.

He noted that I would have to live as a woman for a couple of years before they would consider approving me to have the Sexual Reassignment Surgery. I told him that I wasn't interested in having my cock cut off, and he responded that only time would tell.

His parting advice was that I've got to adapt to living in a two sex world although I was clearly a third sex. Society won't accept a hermaphrodite; therefore I have to adapt to society or find a way to blend in to the accepted sex definitions. He offered to set me up for counseling to help me learn how to be a functional, whole, loving human being in my new body. So, big shit. I knew that it would be up to me to learn what I've got to do to survive in my new body.

That night in my bed, I was resting my head on Danny's bare chest, one of my legs was wrapped over Danny's massive thighs. My fingers were playing with his chest hair as we relaxed from the wonderful orgasm that we had just shared with each other.

There was only a flickering candle lighting the room. In the dim light, I could hardly see his cock that was only inches from my face. But I could sense it. Danny recovers fast and I knew that he was ready for me. I slid my face down his belly until his cockhead touched my face, getting a little of his still drooling cum on my lips.

I started to bend down towards his crotch when I felt his hand on the back of my head, his fingers tightening around my hair; as he gently guided me.

I opened my mouth wide and allowed his cock to slide into my waiting mouth, enjoying the initial salty taste. I swirled my tongue on the glans, feeling it's smooth texture. As his fingers tightened on my scalp, I pushed my face deep into his lap shoving as much of his cock as I could into my mouth without gagging. Then I tightened my lips around the shaft and slowly pulled away, raking my teeth lightly over his shaft, leaving only the head in my mouth.

He tensed and moaned as he thrust his hips up towards my face, wanting me to take it all back into my mouth. Teasing him, I backed off at first, then rammed his cock deep into my throat again, knowing that it would drive him insane with desire.

His back arched and his cock remained still. Now, he would let me do whatever I wanted to do to him. I wrapped my lips around his shaft, and slowly slid up and down the shaft, letting my lips massage his very engorged cock. Then I began bobbing up and down on his cock as fast as I could. I opened my mouth and accepted as much of it as I could. He grabbed my hair and thrust his cock as far into my throat as he could. I momentarily gagged and tried to breathe through my nose.

Then he tensed as he exploded in my mouth quickly filling my mouth with gushes of cum. I desperately tried to swallow it all, but he came too fast and too much. Most of it went down my throat and some spilled out on my chin.

I felt warm inside, comfortable with myself, relaxed with my new sexual identity, and happy with my new life.

"I went looking for an apartment today." he noted.

"Really. Thought that you couldn't afford a place of your own yet." I replied as I blew across his chest, watching his chest hair move from my breath.

"I can't afford a place and my sportscar. But I can't expect to sleep over here every night. Mr. Palance may come back at any time which will put a stop to my nocturnal visits. I want a place of my own, where you can stay with me. As for the finances, I can trade my car in for a less expensive model so I can afford to have my own place."

I was hearing his words, but my eyes were focused on his penis. The purple head of his large still swollen cock was looking mighty inviting as I stared at it, lying on his muscular belly. I could hear the change in my voice as it became huskier as I replied "What if I tell you that I don't ever expect Richard Palance to show his face here again? That you can stay here with me forever?"

"I'm not afraid of him. I just don't want him to get the wrong impression of me or keep me from seeing you. Why are you so sure that he won't be back?" he responded as he sat up, purposely pulling my desired target out of range.

I sat up on my elbow so that I could look him in the eyes as I softly sighed "Call it woman's intuition. Would you like a beer?"

"Yeah."

I got up, pulling on a robe as I walked out of the guest bedroom. I knew that Cathy and Jeff were in her bedroom and that I probably wouldn't run into either of them, but I didn't want to take a chance of being caught completely naked. I walked down to the kitchen, got a couple of cold beers and walked back upstairs.

As I walked up the hall, I stared at the closed door to the master bedroom. My old room. For some reason, I bypassed the closed door to the guest bedroom where Danny was waiting for me and opened the door to the master bedroom. I hadn't been back in that room since the first day that I was transformed.

As I walked into the room, I could smell the old familiar scents of the cedar chest, my aftershave, and other familiar odoriferous items within that room.

I walked to the dresser, drawn by the 8 by 10 photograph on the dresser. I picked it up, and looked at the picture that I had stared at so many nights as I drifted off to sleep by myself in this room. It was the last picture of my family before my wife died. I stared at her image standing beside an image of the old me. Surrounding us, were our children. As I looked at it, I felt very depressed because my children had now lost both of their parents.

Yes, I was dead. Richard Palance was dead. Although I possess his memories, I'm no longer him. I don't think, look, or act like him. I'm someone else and I don't really know who I'm now.

I held the picture up to the mirror and looked at my reflected face as I stared at the image of Amanda in the picture. I was her clone, but I wasn't her. I don't exist anymore. I'm not a man anymore. And although I look like a woman, I'm most certainly not a woman. I felt a strong sense of sexual ambiguity and loss of identity because I didn't know who I had become.

I felt myself slipping to the floor as I began crying. And that is where Danny found me. Lying on the floor of the master bedroom, crying as I hugged a photograph of the Palance family. He got Cathy, but I didn't want to see her either. I was crying too hard and feeling too miserable to listen to either of them.

I let Cathy lead me back to the guest bedroom, but as I entered, the smell of my recent sexual encounter with Danny was still too strong. I backed out and refused to sleep in there. Cathy led me to Amanda's room and helped me get under the covers. I gulped down the two sleeping pills she gave me, with the glass of milk. I heard her suggest to Danny that he should let me sleep until I felt better. Then I lay there in Amanda's bed, looking at her closet full of clothes that I had been wearing for the last several days as I cried myself to sleep. I felt so depressed that I didn't care if I lived or died.

I still felt depressed, but not as depressed as last night. My eyes were swollen from the crying and I had on a big pair of sunglasses to hide them. Cathy had driven me to Doctor Johnson's office and was waiting in the lobby.

"So, young lady, what happened to you?"

"I don't know. One minute I was fine. The next, I turned to shit."

"Did anything occur that made you feel worse?"

"Yes. I saw an old family portrait. I realized that I still missed my wife and that I no longer existed. Or rather that Richard no longer exists."

"Your latest lab results indicates that your hormones are leveling off to what we expect to see in a teenage girl. So the massive hormonal changes that you have been experiencing should settle down to something that you control. When you get a little more consistent lab results, I'll prescribe some medication for you. But that is only half of the remedy. How much longer are you going to live this lie? You'll have to tell your daughters sooner or later. And from your episode last night, you can really use their support."

Cathy took me home and then went to school. I was standing naked in the guest bathroom. I turned the shower water on, adjusted the temperature and then stepped in.

I stood in the shower. As the hot water beat against me, washing away the depression; I gradually felt myself relax, felt the uneasiness at my flip-flopping different behavior drain away.

I selected a bar of soap. It wasn't my usual former male deodorant soap, but was one of my wife's expensive lotion soaps. I started rubbing a soapy lather on my back, using a backwash brush. The water splashing on my face and hair felt good. I lathered up my whole back and then worked some soap lather on my hands. As I rubbed the lather on my ass and squeezed the warm soapsuds up into the hidden flesh of my buttocks, I felt my mood change as I wished that Danny was in the shower with me. I was wishing that it was his soapy hands that were probing my rectum as I slowly finger-fucked myself with a soapy finger. I slid the bar up and down my legs, enjoying the feel of the soap rubbing against the tender skin on my inner thighs. I turned and faced into the shower, letting the warm water restore energy to my tired body as it cascaded over me.

I looked down at myself, seeing the dark and white portions of my body where that one day at the lake had tanned me everywhere, except where I was covered by my bathing suit. Seeing the whiteness of the breasts merge into the tanned chest seemed so natural.

I rubbed the wonderful smelling lotion soap all over my breasts and stomach, feeling my soft feminine skin glow with the contact. I began to gently squeeze and fondle my breasts as the water flowed over me, loving the sensual thrill that was flowing through my body now. I could feel myself stiffen with excitement as the feelings intensified with the water massaging my tender flesh.

My left hand slowly touched the bottom curve of my left breast, then my fingers began circling around its rounded shape, until I reached the areola of my erect nipple. I continued to play with the erect nipple fondling it with my fingers and pinching it between my fingers. My excitement built rapidly as I swapped duties for each hand. My hands cupped my tits as I slowly humped my hips against an invisible man's penis. My nipples were hard points, poking out as I lathered them. I moved my hands slowly down my belly, feeling the skin tingle as I headed for my ultimate target.

My erect penis was standing straight up, waiting for my hand to provide relief. I worked up a good soapy lather on my hand and started stroking myself, pretending that my cock was alternating between Danny's hands and mouth.

"Mmmmm....," I moaned. I stroked my cock with one hand and teased my nipple with the other soapy hand. My nipples were standing out straight from my soft breast. I rolled them back and forth between my fingers, then I pinched one of my nipples. That simple motion was enough to make my eyes glaze over with desire. I tugged on my breast trying to pull my nipple to my mouth, wanting to capture the hard fleshy finger between my lips. My body moved up and down as I arched my back and humped my cock against my soapy hand.

Then it occurred. "Oh..Oh..shittttt!!!", I screamed as my knees buckled from the orgasm, and as my buns tightened. I closed my eyes, hearing loud moans that could only be emitting from my lips.

Slowly I returned to the real world, letting my dream world escape down the shower drain, with the remains of my masturbation. I rinsed myself before I turned off the shower. Feeling better now, I turned off the water and got out, reaching for a towel. I dried myself off, enjoying the way that the towel helped my skin feel alive.

Knowing that I was the only one in the house, I walked naked around the house while I decided what I wanted to do, to combat this depression. It felt great to walk nude around the inside of the house; although I admit it was just as scary as it was erotic.

Without having a plan in mind, I wandered through the house, until I found myself walking down to the master bedroom and opening the door. Slowly I entered the room, letting the familiar smells wash over me; knowing that this time, I wouldn't allow myself to get depressed.

I stood in front of my dresser and opened a drawer, seeing the familiar old male cotton underclothes. I pulled out a pair of my old worn male cotton briefs and pulled them on, noticing that they were now tight around the hips, but loose on the waist. As they slid up my legs, I thought for a moment how rough they were, and considered how quickly I got used to the soft female panties. The only place that they still fit, was around the cock, which I didn't hide between my legs. I pulled a plain white cotton T-shirt on, watching the nipples as they poked against the T-shirt pushed by the female breasts. I walked over to the closet and selected a random pair of trousers, which I put on. Then I stepped into a pair of my now oversized male shoes.

I returned to the dresser and parted my wet hair the way that I used to comb it; not the way that I brush it now. Then I looked at myself in the mirror as I softly whispered "The person formerly known as Richard Palance is gone. There is no way that I can go back to being him or living his life. It's clear from looking at myself dressed like this, that I can't wear his clothes anymore. No one will recognize me as him. For all practical purposes, he is dead. But I'm alive. I'm someone different. I'm not him, although I've got his memories. I'm me, whoever I'm now. While I may have some male body parts, I'm really a woman. I feel and think like a woman. I like to make love as a woman. No, I like to make love as a she-male. At this time in my life, I don't want to give up my cock to become a complete woman. I'll be happy just to look like a woman. From this moment on, I've got to adapt to being me and to living my new life. I cannot live both lives. The person that I'm now, has to build a relationship with my daughters, based upon me living my new life as a female that is their age. A relationship where I'm no longer their father but their friend and peer. The relationship with Amanda will be the most difficult, because every time she looks into a mirror, she'll see a face that she shares with me. I must build this relationship in a manner that won't hurt her life or have her hate the way that she looks. I cannot compete with Amanda for her rightful place in society. And last but not least, I must not let my new sexual preferences affect my daughter's lives. I must learn to accept and control my new desires."

I didn't feel depressed anymore. I had made my peace with myself and resolved the inner turmoil that had been tearing me apart. I knew now that I could enter this room, even sleep in this room, and that I would never get depressed again. I had made peace with myself and decided what I was going to do with my life. I knew now that all my identity feelings were female and all thoughts of myself were feminine, and I was prepared to live that life. Or as close as being a she- male would allow.

I realized that I had three major problems. One problem was, how would the girls accept the new female me? Another problem was, how would Danny accept me as being the former Richard Palance? And last but not least, how would the girls then accept Danny and my personal/sexual relationship with him?

Chapter 11 - Telling the girls

After I decided on a course of action, I put on a sun dress, applied my make-up, fixed my hair before calling Doctor Johnson to inform him that I was ready to seek legal support to take the necessary legal actions. I told him that I would need his assistance at the first couple of meetings with my lawyer.

Then I called my lawyer and set up an appointment for Monday morning.

Then I started making the difficult calls.

"Hello." responded a very familiar voice from the phone. It was my new voice that I was hearing, but I could tell a very slight difference in the tone.

"Amanda. This is Renee. Has Cathy told you that I'm staying at your home?"

"Yes and she's build my curiosity up. She informed me that you're my identical twin and that she could only tell us apart by the hairstyle. I'm looking forward to seeing what you look like, when I come home next weekend."

"That's why I called you. There are some legal problems that need to be discussed this weekend, that can't be discussed over the phone. Can you come home Friday night?"

"I hadn't planned on it, because I'll be home the following weekend for at least three weeks. What's going on?"

"I'm doing this at the specific request of your father. He thinks that it's important that you're here this weekend. Your father is getting ready to do something that will affect you and the other girls. He wants you to have some time to think about what's going to have to occur."

There was a long pause then she responded "I'll change my plans and catch an early flight."

I called Linda and eventually talked her into coming home also. She was very difficult to convince her that she had to come home this weekend.

When Cathy came home from school, I told her that I had contacted her sisters per her father's guidance and that they would be here Tomorrow night. I suggested to her that she break her standard date with Jeff. She wanted to know more, especially why her father was talking to me and not her. But I ignored her requests, telling her that everything would be explained to her tomorrow night.

I thought a lot about what to wear for my first meeting with them. I slipped on some cotton panties, a bra that unfastened in the front and carefully put on my makeup before trying the outfit on. I spent extra time on my hair, trying to make look the way the beautician fixed it. When I was dressed, I turned to examine myself in the mirror. I settled on a simple white short cotton tankdress that buttoned up the front, that I had purchased. I didn't want to wear anything fancy and knew that I would have to undress later. Yet I wanted to make a good first impression.

Linda was the first one to arrive. Of the three girls, she looked the most like her mother. Since I had seen her last, she had lost about ten pounds of her babyfat that she had carried most of her teenage years. And changed her hairstyle to a more popular style; which looked good on her. She had the same hairstyle from the fourth grade until her first year of college. In high school, Linda had a tomboy-ish figure, but since college, she had developed a much fuller figure with a pair of natural breasts that any playboy model would die to have. She was a pretty shoulder length brunette, about five seven, gray eyes, and about 120 pounds.

As Cathy came down the stairs to join us, Linda put down her purse, walked slowly around me, with a big smile on her face, then exclaimed "I didn't believe that anyone could look that much alike. The hairstyle is the only difference."

We talked for about an hour while we waited for Amanda to arrive. It started off by Linda wanting to know about Renee's life. I put her off by suggesting that we wait until Amanda arrived so that I wouldn't have to go over the same old stories twice in one night. Her curiosity was too energized to let the questions drop, so I spent the time trying to change the subject everytime that Linda re-opened it.

My back was facing the door, but my hair started standing on end when Amanda opened the door. I knew it was her and that my moment of truth had arrived.

Cathy and Linda shut up as Amanda entered the room. I stood up and turned around to face her. Except for the different hair color and styles, I was an almost exact carbon copy of her.

She didn't say a word as she stepped forward to examine me. At the same time, I noticed that she had a small blemish on her forehead, which was a left over smallpox scar, which I didn't have. I knew that she had it, but had forgotten about it. I also noticed that she applied her make-up differently from how the cosmetician taught me. She concentrated more on her eyes which I liked. Then it dawned upon me that I was sizing her up just as she was probably sizing me.

She walked completely around me before she uttered a word. As she spoke, I recognized that my speech pattern was different from her softer, more southern sound. She announced "I was very surprised when you called me to ask me to come home this weekend. I was secretly planning on coming anyway. Ever since, I discovered that I had a mysterious twin living in my house, claiming to be my cousin, I have been suspicious. So when I couldn't find Daddy to ask him about you, I hired a detective to investigate what you've been telling everyone. I got the report yesterday. It described how you took over my life, went out with my friends, and made yourself at home. My former boyfriend, Tommy, told my detective a lot of things about you. And it was easy to find out that you had a phony ID made after you arrived here, using money from my father's bank card. From my missing father's bank card. Only his report didn't have any details on my father's present whereabouts, or any details about you before you arrived. You see, there is no cousin that we don't know. Renee Palance doesn't really exist. And my father may be missing. So who are you? Do I need to call the police to find out the truth?"

There was a shocked look on Cathy's face as I looked from one girl to another. Clearly Amanda didn't shared the details of her investigation with either of them. I sat down on the couch as I uttered "You're right. The person known as Renee Palance didn't exist a couple of weeks ago. That's why I asked you to come home, so all four of us could sit down and discuss me and my transformation."

Amanda opened a purse and lit a cigarette. I'd never seen her smoke before, so it surprised me to see her do that. I don't know if I was more surprised at her smoking or that she was doing in our home. She sat down in the easy chair facing me and shrugged "Start talking."

"Cathy, you remember the day the lab burned down? How you came home to find your father, with cuts on his hands and legs from the explosion? Well, you know that he was experimenting with an assorted mixture of untried chemicals on different DNA samples. That explosion injected a chemically modified DNA sample of Amanda's DNA into his body. That night, while he slept, he turned into an almost exact clone of Amanda. I am . . . . or rather I was the person known as Richard Palance."

Linda dropped her cola glass on the floor. She was in a state of shock so she didn't realize that the glass had fallen from her hands.

Amanda took a long pull on her cigarette before she replied "I was prepared for a lot of different lies, but I've got to admit that this one never even entered my mind. What proof do you have?"

"None, except my memory of my previous life as your father. No one saw the physical change from my old body to my new body. When I woke up, I looked just the way that you see me now, except for the hair. My hair was still my old style, but it was your reddish- brown natural color."

Cathy jumped in "I did see that haircut on her, but I thought it was just another dorky style that you were trying out."

"There's no way that what you described, could've occurred. You can't change sexes and lose twenty years just by injecting some chemicals into your body." exclaimed Linda, who was beginning to come out of her shock, however she still didn't noticed her split drink.

"There's a lot about science that has not been learned yet. We're just on the fringes of discovering ways to double our lives. Already through chemicals, we are living longer; we are able to chemically modify our bodies so that it resembles the other sex. There are so many possible ways to modify or enhance our bodies through chemical means that we may never discover them all. As it is, I don't know how my change occurred. The explosion destroyed all of my records and I don't remember which particular chemical mixture was merged with your DNA."

"Bull shit. What's my mother's favorite song?" screamed Amanda.

"Please remain calm. I'm telling the truth. Your mother's favorite song was `Amazing Grace' but she didn't tell too many people about it. She wasn't an atheist but she didn't believe in a lot of the religious practices. So she kept quite about her favorite song because of it's religious association."

There was quite in the room as each of the girls looked at each other. Then Cathy asked "When I was four, who died?"

I smiled as I replied "No one. But the love of your life died when you were seven. Skipper was the best dog that any family ever had. He slept in your bedroom every night at the foot of your bed."

For the next twenty minutes, it was one question after another fired at me. A couple of them was intended to throw me off-balance, but I gave the correct answer every time. After only five minutes, I knew that Cathy was convinced that I was whom I stated I was. Then Linda stopped asked me questions, leaving me to wonder if she accepted me or couldn't accept what she was hearing. Amanda was the one that kept throwing questions at me. There were a couple answers where our memories didn't agree on very minute points, but that was normal as I pointed out. All of the questions were about my memory of my former life and not about my current body or personality.

Finally Amanda looked at her sisters with a very serious expression as she delicately announced "I'm scared to admit it, but there is no way that she could correctly know so many intimate details of our personal lives. I believe that she may be telling the truth. She could really be our father."

"Almost correct statement. The expression `I was your father' is a more correct statement. Ever since my abrupt transformation, I've been repeatedly poked and examined by Doctor Johnson. He's come to the medical conclusion that I'm a new person. That I'm someone that has your father's memories, and an almost perfect clone of your body. He thinks that my personality is also a mixture of your personality and my old personality. All those changes are permanent. So I used to be your father and will never forget those wonderful moments. But because of my transformation, I'm now and forever someone else. And that's the reason, I called this meeting. I wanted to discuss my new identity, as we try to establish a new relationship between ourselves."

Linda stood up, walked over to the bar and poured herself a drink. She stayed at the bar sipping her drink as I continued "Think of the mental confusion that I went through after the transformation. I experienced just as much confusion myself, if not more. I made some judgment mistakes but part of it was because I had nothing to base my thinking on. At first, my intent was to hide this from you and to try to find a way to change back, because I knew that you could never accept me this way. That first morning, when Cathy thought I was Amanda, I was very confused because I was in shock. I realized that I wasn't thinking clearly, but chalked it up to being in a minor shock. As more people mistook me for Amanda, I realized that I had to keep my identity separate from her identity. I also realized that I had to accept my new appearance and blend into the community. So I adopted the name Renee and had my hair fixed so that it conformed to the standards expected for this gender."

I looked at them to see if they understood. Cathy's face was eager, indicating that she believed and was trying to understand me. However, Amanda and Linda's face were masked so that I couldn't determine the impact of my words.

I continued "I sought medical advice. I tried to blend in, to live a normal life, as I was being evaluated. And then reality set in. This transformation was permanent. I was going to look, think and be this way for the rest of my life. There was no way that I could go back to my old body or old life. I would be this person that you see now, for the rest of my life. Once I made that decision, the rest was easy. I knew that I had to tell you, but when and how was the issue. So I called this meeting to tell you. Now that you know, we have some more details that we'll have to work out. I'll understand if you want me to leave while the three of you discuss me. I'll also understand if you want me to get out of your life forever. I'm prepared to move on, however I'd like to stay here for the time being. I hope that you accept my new identity and personality. I also want to be your friend. I need you to be my friends."

Linda looked at the other girls, then asked "Please go out to the picnic table, so that we can talk. My sisters and I need some time alone."

I nodded and walked outside, over to the picnic table under the trees and sat down. I knew that I wouldn't believed my story if someone else told it to me. I was hopping that they would allow their common sense to rule their decisions. About twenty minutes later, Cathy opened the door as she requested "Can you join us please?"

The room smelled smoky after being out in the fresh air. Amanda had an ashtray in front of her, filled with several butts. After I sat back down on the couch, Linda noted "Its a fantastic story. There are just enough details to back up portions of it, to make it possible. While we want to believe that you're telling the truth, we also find it very difficult to believe that this could have happened and hope that you understand our hesitance. While your answers to our random questions were correct, there are ways to obtain those answers and be prepared for an intense questioning. After all, people have come up with wild stories to gain access to less money. While we aren't completely convinced that you're our father, we're also not convinced that you're not lying to us. We have decided to accept you as who you say you are, under certain conditions."

She took a drink from her little shot glass and poured herself another drink before as Amanda continued "You live here as Renee, with us watching and living with you. We will give you a minor allowance so that you don't have to worry about day to day expenses. At the same time, we increase our utilization of our detective. His job will be to prove that you're lying and to find our father. If he is able to do either, we will have you arrested. If we cannot find our father but still think that you're lying, then we will have you arrested and let the courts decide. If we decide that you're our father, then we will take the necessary legal steps to help you regain any legal rights that you desire. You can live here or where ever you choose to live. You can also have what ever sexual partners you desire, just so long as you don't do anything that would shame our family."

"Fair enough. I agree. My only boyfriend is Danny. I don't want him to know about my transformation." I responded.

Amanda put her cigarette out as she uttered "I loved my father very much. We all did. It was a tragedy to lose our mother and then to think that we had also lost our father. I want to believe you, but it's still difficult for me to imagine as what you described as being possible to occur. My last class was today so I'm home. While Linda goes back to finish the rest of her commitments on Monday, Cathy and I'll be living with you, watching you."

"I expect nothing less from any of you. While I can't continue being your father, I'll be your friend and peer. Your cousin, Renee, who just came to town. I'll be just one of the girls, staying here with the rest of the girls. And just as you have your boyfriends, I'll have my boyfriends also. I'll answer any questions or take any tests that you decide to put me through, to prove myself. But there will come a time and point, where you have to admit that I used to be your father. And accept my new identity."

Amanda smiled for the first time, since she entered the house as she said "Hello, Renee."

Chapter 12 - The Gauntlet of questions

We ordered a pizza delivery for supper as we discussed our new relationship. Now that we had come to an initial understanding, it was easier to talk to each other. I was still the center of every discussion, and still felt like an outsider, but I could tell that they were trying to accept my transformation.

There was a definite change in Cathy's attitude toward me. Gone was the `old buddy' camaraderie of the last several days as she thought about the intimate things that we had shared prior to my divulgence. She was still friendly but her attitude was clearly reserved, now that she knew that I used to be her father.

"Why do you want us to treat you as an equal and not as our father anymore?"

"Because the three of you are at the age where you are very independent. In most families, the relationship changes as the parents have to learn to be friends instead of the lord and master. While I enjoyed that role when your mother was alive, I basically gave up that responsibility as I sulked in my depression. Now that I look to be your age and sex, it's better for all of us if our new relationship will be built upon trust and friendship, rather than upon birthing rights."

"What will we tell people about you? You just can't disappear. They will be curious about what Richard Palance is doing."

"True. But for most people, that is none of their business. We will see our lawyer, develop our plans, let in the people that have to know, such as your Aunt Sally. God know that I'm not looking forward to discussing this with her, but that's my problem. Some people will have to know. Doctor Johnson already knows. The three of you will have to learn to accept me as Renee. Once that becomes automatic, then everything else will be easy."

"Does it feel any different to be a woman?"

"Yes and no. When I do something physical, I'm slightly aware that my body has changed because of it's smaller size and weaker muscles. When I'm relaxing, I don't feel any different sensations or emotions. I know that my personality has changed, but I so quickly adapted to that new personality, that I don't notice that change now. I feel like I'm normal until I'm with someone, which is when I notice the most change. People react differently because they think that I'm a woman. Having a man hold a door open for me, being the center of attention, being ogled by men as they stare at my ass or boobs, were just some of the things that I had to learn to accept in my new gender role. People judge other people by their cover, so other people treated me as if I was Amanda. I noticed that people treat women different depending upon how they are dressed, which was a little difficult to get used to."

Cathy grinned as she suggested "Being a girl isn't bad at all. I know that I wouldn't want to be a boy, just because I enjoy wearing pretty clothes and making myself look beautiful. I like to wear make up and an enticing perfume and to see pretty nail polish on my nails and everything else that is feminine. I especially enjoy going shopping and trying on a lot of clothes. I think that boys don't like to shop because they have so few choice in clothes or how they can change their looks."

"It has been interesting to go clothes shopping, and buying some nice things too. You should have seen me when I first wandered into Victoria's Secret for the first time."

"Take anything from my wardrobe that you need. I've got a lot of my clothes at school, so there is enough here to share. Tomorrow, why don't we go buy some new clothes to start your new wardrobe." Amanda suggested.

Linda groaned at Amanda's remark before she responded "Lock your new clothes away or she'll sneak them back to campus with her."

"I need to go clothes shopping and buy my own outfits. I felt embarrassed wearing your clothes and still telling everyone that I wasn't you. I went shopping several times but had an extremely difficult time with the sizes and color coordination. Some of the clerks looked at me as if I was stupid because I didn't know what size I wore; so I felt intimidated asking for help. Coming from an environment where I only had to color coordinate my tie with a white shirt, women clothes shopping has been a difficult challenge for me to master."

"You can take most items back to a fitting room and try it on to see if it fits and how it looks on you. Or only buy from stores with a liberal return policy. That's how I have to buy my clothes. Too many clothes aren't sized correctly." volunteered Cathy as she served the pizza.

"Women's clothing sizes are very confusing. I wear a size 6 dress in some brands, and a size 10 in other brands. When buying a bra, I select several in the 35 inch C cup size to try on. Always try on a bra to guarantee that it fits correctly. A misfitted bra on a woman is similar to a man wearing a jockey cup upside down. I buy my slips, nightgowns and robes based upon my bust size, so that would be a M size. My petticoat or half-slips have to fit my waist so I get an S size which fits my 24 inch waist. And last but not least, panties are size 5 which fits my 35 inch hips. If you're an exact body clone, your vital measurements will be 35-24-25. You should weigh 112 pounds and be five foot, five inches tall in your bare feet, which are a size 7." explained Amanda.

"So tell me what it was like to discover that you had to start wearing make-up? Can you still wake up, get dressed and be ready to go to work in half an hour?" queried Linda.

"No, my first experience with trying to put on mascara and eye-shadow was a disaster. I had to go back to the mall's cosmetic counter twice for a refresher lesson before I could do anything that looked acceptable. It takes me about an hour to put my make-up on and fix my hair now." I admitted to them, glad that now I could ask for expert assistance.

Cathy jokingly suggested "I wished that I had seen you in high heels."

"I've tried them on and put them back into the closet. I haven't mastered standing in them, much less walking around yet."

Amanda took a sip of her beer as she asked with a suggestive lear on her face "So let's get down to the real stuff that we really want to know about. I understand that you have a boyfriend. A very attractive boyfriend, from what I remember about Danny from the old high school football team. What does he know about you?"

"Thanks to Cathy and Jeff pushing us together, we became lovers. We found that we liked being with each other. He doesn't know about my former life, only about Renee."

"Come on, Renee. We want to know. What was it like the first time?" grinned Linda.

Remembering my promise to tell them the truth about my new identity, I wondered if this was the time to tell them that I wasn't an exact clone. Knowing that there was only one answer, I took a deep breath before I softly responded "He wasn't the first person that I had sex with. Nick was."

Amanda started choking on the food in her mouth. When she recovered she moaned "You had sex with both Nick and Tommy. Two of the biggest fucking, no- good, lying, big-mouth assholes in town. There goes my reputation. Shittttttt!!!!!!"

"I only had sex with Nick and that was only the one time. Tommy hit upon me repeatedly but we never did anything."

"He told my detective that the reason you tried to deball him, was because of a lover's spat."

"No, I just had sex with Nick and Danny. The fight with Tommy was because he was picking on Danny. As for Nick, I was wandering around confused that very first day, my body was exploding with female hormones and he took advantage of me when I was very confused."

"Sounds just like the fucking bastard. He let me get drunk one night in Earl's Bar, all the time promising to make sure that I got home safely. Instead he took me to his ratty, dirty little trailer. I woke up naked in his bed the next morning, coated with dried cum, wishing that I had died. I got out of his trailer so fast that I left some of my clothes there."

Linda was getting a little tipsy from the drinking that she had been doing since she got home. She slurred her words slightly as she said "So tell us about Nick and your first encounter with a cock, Renee."

"I was in the bar's bathroom. I had stopped off to get a beer and to try to compose my thoughts. Nick came in and provided the right physical stimulus for my body. Before I knew what was occurring, he was holding my head in his lap, guiding me as he showed me what he wanted me to do."

Amanda laughed for a couple of moments then said "A fucking blowjob in a bathroom. Did you enter that one in your dairy?"

I just looked at her, not responding to her. She was still laughing as she asked "What did you do with Danny?"

"The day that we were swimming in the lake, I let him fuck me."

Linda piped in "I lost my cherry on a boatdock at the lake. So I know what you felt like."

"So did you like it?" continued Amanda.

"Yes. I've got to admit that I liked making love with him. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have allowed him to spend the next several nights with me in the guest bedroom. I've got to admit that I think of him as being my man and that I feel that I'm his woman."

"So tell us the truth." Linda slurred as she pointed a finger at me "Which is better? Sex as a man or sex as a woman?"

"That's difficult for me to answer right now. I'm still too inexperienced to give an honest or objective answer."

Cathy jumped in "Good answer, but we still want to know. We're going to ask you again and again until you make a decision."

There was a funny smile on Amanda's face as she asked "If you're a clone of me, the last several days were dangerous to have sex without protection or birth control pills. What are you going to do, if you get knocked up?"

"I can't get pregnant. I don't have a vagina."

All three women stared at me. Linda was the first to voice what must be going through their minds as she asked "I don't understand. I thought that you were a clone of Amanda. Why don't you have a vagina?"

"I said that I was an almost exact clone. For reasons unknown to me, I kept my penis, one testicle, and my haircut. I also didn't get the various scars that Amanda has, such as her smallpox scar."

Cathy started laughing as she jumped in "You have a penis!! Does Danny know about it? Oh, shit, he has to know. That means. . ." She didn't finish her sentence but just sat there with a dumfounded look on her face.

"Yes, Danny knows that I'm not a complete woman. That I'm a female looking hermaphrodite. Every person has different desires and needs. I was lucky that I was able to find someone so quickly that had similar needs as my own needs. While we don't have sex in the traditional male - female sense, we do have sex that we both enjoy. In our roles, I'm the woman and he's the man. As you talk to him, or Jeff or anyone else, please keep that relationship in mind. What we do behind closed doors is no one else's business."

"I agree. Don't discuss Renee's real sex with Jeff or anyone else, Cathy." said Amanda staring at her younger sister.

Cathy flew off the handle as she yelled at Amanda "Me. Why just me? Don't you think that I've got enough sense to keep this quite? Who put you in charge, Amanda? You can no longer control me as you did when I was a kid."

Linda paused to clear her throat to make sure that she clearly enunciated each and every word as she slowly commanded "Everyone, shut up. Its time to see this damn clone body. Strip down."

Amanda responded angrily "Cool it, Linda. She has the right to privacy."

I was glad to hear Amanda stand up for me because it meant that I had probably cleared up some of her major doubts about who I was. I replied "I don't mind and expected to show myself to you tonight. Its something that has to be done sooner or later. If I was in your shoes," stopping to look down at the borrowed shoes on my feet before continuing "which is a true statement, I would have the same concerns. Hope that you don't mind me borrowing your shoes Amanda, but I haven't bought too many clothes yet."

I stood up and slowly unbuttoned the tankdress as they watched me unsnap each of the eight buttons. Then I opened the dress and let it slide off my shoulders onto the floor. I was wearing one of my new bras that unfastened in the front and removed that. I could feel their eyes starting at my boobs. Then I pushed the panties down to the floor, stepping out of them. As I stepped out, my penis slipped out from between my legs, exposing itself to their observing eyes. I looked at them to see that they were all staring at my male organ.

No one said anything as I slowly turned around so that they could examine me completely. After one complete rotation, I said "Well?"

Amanda declared "I could have used you and your cock about a year ago, when I was trying to get rid of a very persistent boyfriend that wouldn't take no for an answer. Seeing that cock on someone that he would have assumed was me, would have stopped him forever from trying to get into my panties. I've got to admit that except for the cock, it's my body and face that you have."

Linda voice trembled as she said "I can't take any more of this. I was just getting to the point where I could talk to her as an equal and now this. I can't handle it."

She jumped up and ran upstairs, slamming her bedroom door hard. Amanda commanded "Cathy, go talk to her. Try to calm her down. If you need any help getting her to go to bed, come get me. Please get dressed, Renee."

I slipped back into my clothes as Amanda watched me finish dressing. When I was almost dressed, she walked into the kitchen, returning with two very cold beers. She gave me one and popped the other one open as she continued "Linda has never been able to understand alternative lifestyles or tolerate anyone that wasn't a one hundred percent heterosexual. When she's sober, she's very narrow-minded about sex but she usually doesn't express her opinions the way that she did tonight. She's slightly drunk tonight so forget her actions. When she's had time to think about the whole situation tomorrow, she'll be in a better mood."

"Thanks." I said sipping the beer that I needed so badly at that moment.

"I like that dress. It looks good on you. Tell me what you like to wear in clothes. Do you like to dress up in sexy, revealing things? Do you like the feel of sensuous, glossy, smooth, sheer fabrics next to your skin?" she asked, trying to change the subject to calm everything down.

"I'm just learning my taste in clothes. Most of the clothes that I've worn, were borrowed from your closet. I do like the feel of silk and satin next to my skin."

"So do I. My breasts are extremely sensitive. Have you noticed any increased sensitivity in your new breasts?"

"Yes. I quickly discovered that all bras are extremely uncomfortable to wear, but at the same time, they can be very delightful to wear. The silk bras keep my nipples aroused all the time, so I had to switch back to the cotton ones."

"I noticed that my areolae appear to be slightly bigger, darker and more puffy than your areolae. And another difference is that my hairline is fuller and thicker. As for the pubic hair, I've shaved myself for so many years that I don't remember what it looked like. That's the only differences that I noticed, except for the very obvious cock. Is it a functional cock?" she asked as she propped her feet up in a chair, lighting another cigarette.

"Yes. I do get erections and have orgasms. Its about two thirds of its original size. I don't know if the smaller size is good or not. Because its smaller, it's easier to tuck between my legs, but when you have a cock, bigger is supposed to be better. One very pleasant change is that my thinning hair is growing back. I've got some tuffs of fuzz where my old hairline was thin or already gone. It'll probably be as thick as your hair when it finishes growing. How long have you been smoking?"

"I started in high school but I kept it hid from you and mom; although Linda used to tease me that she was going to tell on me. I used to sneak out of Home Ed class and bum a smoke in the alley. I don't smoke unless I'm thinking about something or drinking. I didn't do it much while I lived here, but since I obtained my own apartment in the dorm, it makes it easier for me to smoke. My boyfriend smokes and one of the best pleasures of sex, is to share a cigarette with him after sex. It feels so good to lie in bed feeling the relaxation from the sex and smoke. Does it bother you that I smoke?"

"I'd prefer that you didn't smoke because of the potential future health problems. But you never took Home Ed because it conflicted with some math or science course that you had to take to graduate."

"Just checking on your memory. You're correct about both topics. Well, its been a long day for me. Linda will be sleeping off her over indulgence in a couple of minutes and Cathy will be slipping out the back door to go meet her boyfriend. I don't think that she'll tell him about your cock. At least not tonight. Maybe later so you need to resolve that with her. She's getting to be that age where she wants to resist authority. I used to be able to easily control her without any problems."

We walked upstairs together after locking the house doors. When we got to her bedroom door, she paused as she requested "Please understand how difficult it's for us to accept you now. We are trying to be as liberal minded as we can be."

"I do understand. You can imagine what a difficult time I had, with it occurring to me. Do you believe me?"

Her voice was very soft as she replied "If I didn't believe you or thought that your story was impossible, you would be in jail tonight. Good night and I hope that you understand if I don't want you to kiss me good night tonight, Dad. I have a lot to think about tonight and want to be as objective as possible."

Then she shut her bedroom door, leaving me standing in the hallway.

Chapter 13 - The shower

I had a slight hangover. Too much beer last night I thought, as I lay in bed enjoying the last minute of sleep, trying to drift back to dreamland.

Then my door opened as Amanda walked in without knocking "Time to get up sleepyhead. We've got a lot to do today."

I rolled over as I replied "Why?"

She pulled the shades, letting the room fill with sunlight. I opened my eyes to see her standing on tip- toe as she stretched to reach the drawstrings. She was wearing only a rose thong bikini panty and a matching demi-cup bra. Her hair was all disheveled from where she hadn't brushed it yet.

I threw the sheet off of me and stretched. As I stretched, she sighed "I've got some similar cotton nightdresses. I like to sleep in them."

As I sat up, I responded "This is one of yours. What are we going to do today?"

"Cathy has left already. She and Jeff had planned for an early morning horseback ride, so she won't be back until after lunch. Linda won't get out of bed on Saturday morning until its lunchtime, so its time for you and I to get to know each other a little better. Who taught you how to do your make-up?"

"The girl at the counter where I bought the make-up."

"Well, if you're going to look like me, you might as well learn how to look your best. Go start your shower and you need to use a different shampoo on your hair. It looks a little oily." she said as she opened my closet to look at the clothes hanging up.

"Yes, mother." I replied, as I stood and stretched trying to shake off the sleep. She walked out of my bedroom, leaving me to follow her big sister type instructions.

I walked into the bathroom, shut the door and peed. Then I pulled the nightdress over my head and put it into the clothes hamper. I adjusted the shower and eased into the shower, letting its warm water refresh my still asleep body.

As I was standing under the water, letting it flow around me, the shower door opened. A naked Amanda stepped into the shower stall as she declared "If we are going to be peers, then we are going to treat each other as peers. Remember from now on, that you're just one of the girls and don't let that little head between your legs do your thinking when you're with us. Ok?"

I nodded my head and exclaimed "Right, coz."

I stepped aside as she eased under the shower head, letting the water flow over her back. Her long blond hair became wet and matted on her neck. I stared at her breasts, which were the same size and shape as mine. But her areolae were puffy and darker while mine were flat. Her pussy hair was shaved close, and I could see the little mound of her clit at the top of her cunt lips.

She turned around so that the water coated her all over. Then with her back to the showerhead, she said "I discovered in the sixth grade that I liked to share my showers with good friends. While I don't have any lesbian desires, there is something so nice and personal about showering with another woman. Do you remember Nancy Cannon?"

"Sure, she was your best friend until she moved away during your high school years."

"She introduced me to the joys of sharing showers. Twice during the times that we stayed overnight in each other's bedroom, she crossed the line and tried to put the make on me. I woke up one night with her licking my hairy little mound and the other time. . . Well, just let me say that her mother's vibrating dildo can invoke some intense desires. But I was able to stop her without losing her friendship. I can still remember seeing her developing those cute little puffy breast buds and her first dark pubic hair. Those were the good old days. Tommy had just discovered that there was a difference between girls and boys. Nancy and I used to whisper under the covers about what we would do to Tommy if he were there. Tommy missed some of the best fuckings of his life because he was too busy playing basketball and not taking advantage of our curosity."

She stepped aside, so that I could ease under the flowing water. I turned my head up toward the water, letting it crash on my forehead as its warmth covered my skin.

"Nancy also taught me how to masturbate myself, even although I had already discovered the general theories using the late-night-alone-in-bed discovery method. Thanks to her wild imagination, we were able to become experts by the time we finished the seventh grade. She had one of those Water Massage showerheads, the kind that you hold in your hand. Well that little device got a workout between Nancy and myself. We would soap ourselves all over, then use it to rinse making sure that we concentrated on the clit. It didn't take too much of that gentle water pressure before I would cum while Nancy watched. Then I would watch her, waiting my turn to cum again. Then she taught me how to really masturbate myself with my fingers, to find all of the spots in the correct order for the maximum effect. We tried to masturbate each other once and it scared me so she never suggested it again; which was my worst mistake ever. But I could masturbate in front of her or watch her masturbate without any problems."

"Sounds like she was a closer friend that I ever thought she was."

"We thought that you and mom were suspicious of how often we stayed at each other's house. And there was one night, when we thought that her mom had caught us taking a shower together. It was so easy to let ourselves get caught up in our budding teenage sexually back then. When we first started, my mound was just getting hairy, so I would close my eyes, lean my head back, and let the jet of water gush against my almost furry mound. I quickly learned to part my labia to expose myself to the pulsating water stream. That gentle pounding action quickly made me stiffen with indescribable excitement. I enjoyed watching Nancy as she would cup her breasts, massaging the slippery soapy water over her hard small nipples. I could see when she was cumming because she would tighten her buns and jam the spray full against her pussy as she started moaning."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, feeling very turned on from her description and her naked nearness to me.

"I did a lot of thinking about you last night because I couldn't drift off to sleep. Not only thinking about you, but about the rest of the family. I decided last night that my family would never be the same again. Even if we accept you as our father, our family has changed. It's better if we accept you as our female cousin, to keep our sanity and to keep our pictures out of the tabloids. I'm tell you this because, if you're going to live the rest of your life as my identical cousin, then we are going to be very close. We are going to know each other inside out. The very personal things that I'm telling you, are things that I haven't told either of my sisters because neither one of them would understand. Linda is too straight-laced about sex and Cathy is too young. But you, my dear Renee, are me. If its true that you have some of my personality mixed in with your personality, you need to know whom you've become and why you are that person now. Do you want to learn more about me or are you afraid of what you might find out?"

I looked at her naked, wet body, glistening from the water, her long wet blond hair pasted to her head, flowing down her neck before I said "I want to know all about you, but I'm finding it extremely difficult to keep from getting sexually aroused by sharing this experience."

She smiled an impish smile as she replied "I know and that's part of the fun. The teasing, the excitement, the thrill of knowing the effect that you can have on someone else, and knowing that it can never go beyond that. I was so close to Nancy that I could go to school, knowing what color of underwear she had probably picked out for that morning. We went through the first ravages of puberty together. We watched ourselves and each other as our bodies were transformed from slim, almost boyish forms, to a more feminine body. I watched Nancy as her chest grew from flat and small nipples to small mounds with larger brown nipples. We confided in each other about our first period. I watched my own vulva as it grew downy fuzz along the slit, and up toward my stomach. If you think that being in a shower with a clone of myself with a cock, isn't sexually exciting, then you have a lot about life to learn. I masturbated myself last night, thinking about your wonderful difference from my body. I tried to be quiet, but my bed was squeaking quite loudly from where I was squirming a little. And when I got really turned on, I started moaning loudly. I had to stuff a corner of the pillow into my mouth to keep myself from waking everyone up as I turned myself loose."

My body was feeling flushed and I didn't think it was from the warm water. I stepped out from under the shower to allow her to ease under the showerhead. She placed her feet against the far wall, spreading her legs and her hands against the shower wall as she leaned under the shower. I could only stare as I looked at her normally high, firm breasts hanging down from her chest. They still showed the firmness and roundness of youth, and the nipples refused to point fully to the floor, even with gravity pulling at them. She did three slow pushups, arching her body as the water cascaded down her back, over her buttocks, down her legs. Then she did a hard pushup into a standing up straight position.

She picked up a bar of soap and started rubbing the soap against her nipples as she worked up a little lather. Then she quietly asked "Do you still like women? Could a woman turn you on?"

"I haven't had the opportunity to explore that yet. I think so but Danny hasn't given me any time to look around."

"I love sex but my school schedule and homework interferes with my love life. If I'm studying with a boyfriend and stop for a quickie, I'm not really satisfied if it doesn't last at least one to two hours. I still feel a little frustrated. So I only permit myself to make love once a week, when we can set aside time to do it properly. The rest of the time, I can take a private shower or masturbate myself in about half an hour, so I use that when I start feeling frustrated. Tell me about Danny. Do you enjoy oral sex with him? Does he go down on you?"

"Its hard to describe my feelings. I was going to remain a virgin until a more appropriate time, but as soon as I started feeling lips on my lips and hands stroking my body, I turned to mush. Then when the first cock was pushed toward my mouth, oral sex didn't seem as revolting as it did a few minutes earlier. Its hard to describe my emotions and even harder to describe how I can't control myself in certain situations. Yes, I enjoy having his cock in my mouth and have become used to tasting his cum. He does go down on me frequently, but usually he takes me from behind or I ride him. Other things that I enjoy doing with Danny are kissing and cuddling, which have nothing to do with sex. As to how I react when involved in sex, I've discovered that I'm passive now, following the lead of my lover, doing whatever he desires. So far, every aspect of sex with my new body turns me on and I enjoy having sex with him."

"Its interesting that you're passive. I'm definitely not passive. When I have sex, I do it for my benefit, not for his benefit. I don't mind him getting his rocks off early, but I make sure that he doesn't quit until I'm completely satisfied. I broke up with one very hung guy because he fell asleep immediately upon shooting his wad the first and only time every night. I quickly discovered that a big cock is nice, but someone that can shoot two loads into me, keeping it hard between loads, is my favorite type of lover. We'll have to talk some more about that later. I remember in the tenth grade when I used to date Tommy, how he kept giving me bananas and asking me to practice my sucking technique. He wanted me to blow him but I was afraid of letting it come near my mouth. One night I did let him force my head into his naked lap. I didn't enjoy the oral sex experiences with him in the back seat of his father's car, but I've frequently initiated oral sex with other men in similar circumstances where I enjoyed it immensely. I guess, its a matter of who you're with. What do you think about now when you look at other women, Renee?"

"I look at other women but it's mainly to look at their clothes and appearance. I've seen some women that I thought were sexy, but I've not had the opportunity or courage to take it further. For the most part and for some unknown reason, I find myself comparing them with me to see who has the best appearance and figure."

She smiled that impish smile again as she requested "If you ever come across a woman with a better figure than you, I want to meet her. I've seen some women that were very sexy. There is one girl in my dorm that I would allow myself to be turned into a lesbian, if she just made a small signal. But most women bore me. Take this soap and wash me."

I took the soap and gingerly soaped Amanda's neck while wondering what she expected me to do with her breasts, much less with her pussy. I deferred that problem by putting the soap down and picking up the shampoo. She let me wash and rinse her hair thoroughly, accidentally brushing my naked body against her naked body several times in the somewhat crowded shower stall.

I picked up the scented soap, lathered up a washcloth and started washing her back, stopping just at her ass. She turned around when I instructed her and let me lather her arms, her neck, and her face.

Then she grabbed my soapy hands and placed one of my hands on each of her breasts as she softly moaned in her slow southern drawl "Wash my body as if it were your body. Remember that you're just as familiar with my womanly curves. Tease me as you clean me and make me enjoy taking a shower with you, but don't try to seduce me. No matter what I do to you, you must maintain control of yourself."

I squeezed her breasts as she tilted her head back under the flowing water, letting the water flow down her face. I watched as her breasts swayed with a gentle, jelly motion as I washed her beautiful boobs. She didn't stop me when I held both of them in my soapy hands, feeling the weight of them as I soaped them. Then I used my fingertips to soap her nipples, feeling the hardness of her nipples as I rubbed them with my soap covered fingers.

Then she turned around, allowing the shower to rinse her as before. She braced herself against the opposing shower walls again as she presented her ass to me. I soaped up the washcloth and started washing her nice firm ass. She kept one hand on the wall to balance herself and used the other hand to guide my soapy washcloth between her spread legs where she pressed it against her vagina. With her head bent forward, she whispered "Women have to make sure that their pussy's are clean. I'll tell you when to stop washing me."

In less than ten seconds of touching her, I had a solid erection. I wanted to stick something other than a washcloth between her legs. I remembered her admonition to tease her but don't try to seduce her. Through the soapy washcloth, I used my fingers to explore her pussy, feeling the shaved mound, and feeling the tender lips. I stroked her softly and gently using long slow strokes several times. Then I started moving the washcloth in a gentle circular motion. She jerked in an involuntary motion and slowly stood up so that I had to either remove my hand or have it trapped there. I removed it as she turned around so that she was facing the shower. She braced her feet against the shower wall as she leaned her back against the far wall. She looked at my obvious erection with a mischievous grin and then commanded "Aim the shower head at my body. I want you to rinse me good."

I pointed the shower head at her boobs, aiming it at one breast then the other, watching the water flow down her body. Then I slowly moved the main force of the water down her body until it was aimed directly at her pussy. Her hairless, shinning pussy. All the time, she was staring me straight in the eyes, looking deep into my eyes. Was she trying to see how far she could push me?

For over thirty seconds, the water pounded on her pussy as I moved the shower head so the main force pounded down over her beautiful mound. Then she pushed herself to a standing position. She adjusted the showerhead, took the washcloth from me, and quickly worked up a soapy lather on the washcloth. She started rubbing my breasts with the washcloth as she softly whispered "My pussy is very, very, very sensitive. I almost had an orgasm while you were washing me. Did you hear me slightly moan as I felt the rough cloth rubbing on my inner lips, causing me to become so engorged with lust that they protruded? I came very close to asking you to insert your finger into my pussy and play with me. Would you have done that if I had asked you?"

I groaned lightly "yes."

She smiled that impish smile and whispered in her soft southern, husky voice "I knew. I could tell that you wanted me. But you practiced self control, which is good. Think about this and anticipate it. Next time, I might let you douche me. What I like, is to have that warm, soft, slippery tube slide inside me and to feel my tender insides fill with warm, soapy water. Then we will remove the tube and you can wash my pussy. I'll try to hold the soapy water inside me while you try to tease me into releasing it, using only the bar of soap and washcloth. If you get me all clean, then I'll make sure that you are very clean when we get finished showering. So while you sleep tonight, think about the next time that I allow you to share my shower. Think about how you will anticipate it. Doesn't that sound like fun? Are your breasts sensitive like mine are?"

I nodded my head yes. She hung the washcloth on a hook and put her arms around me, pressing her squeaky clean tits against my soapy chest. Then she started rotating her shoulders so that she was rubbing her boobs against my boobs, as she stared into my eyes.

I put my arms around her and pulled her tight. As I brought my arms up to pull her head to my head, she stopped and stepped back. Again she smiled as she whispered "Control. Remember your agreement to control yourself, no matter what I do or have you do. Or no matter what I say. You did good today. You deserve a small reward."

She pulled the washcloth off the hook, soaped it up again and wrapped the soapy washcloth around my erection. As she rubbed her breasts against my soapy breasts again, she was also slowly started stroking my hard cock within the washcloth as we stared deep into each other's eyes. In the dim misty light, her half- closed blue eyes looked almost violet. I braced my back against the wall and thrust my hips out as she slowly stroked me. All this close physical contact with her had brought me close to exploding and now that she was stroking me also, I couldn't control myself. I felt myself getting ready to explode and I tensed myself, feeling the cum boil up deep inside me. As I exploded into the washcloth, she kept stroking me, milking me as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through my body until I was drained.

Then she directed the showerhead at my body and directed "Rinse yourself good, my friend. There is nothing now that we can hide from each other. Our bond transcends all normal physical and mental barriers. We can't have any barriers or walls between us. I want to take care of you and help you. You have to relax and let me guide you. It may feel strange to know that that someone else has complete control and responsibility for you; but now you are free to just feel, and experience, without having to make decisions. You will feel more free than you ever have felt."

I slowly turned around, allowing the still warm water to rinse me. While I was rinsing, she turned off the water, opening the shower door. When I finished rinsing, I stepped out into a fog coated bathroom, knowing that she was still drying herself. She handed me a towel. I asked "Why?"

She knew the complete question that I was asking. She rubbed her towel against her skin as she replied "As you declared last night. For all practical purposes, my father is gone. In his place, is a new person. A person with a very unique body. A clone of my body. Last night when I couldn't go to sleep, I masturbated myself so I'd fall asleep. I started off pretending it was my boyfriend. Then my dream lover turned into you. I became very turned on seeing my body, but with a cock. A small cock, but still a cock. While I've never had penis envy, it was quite a thrill to imagine that the cock was on my body, instead of your body. In my fantasy, I became you and you were me. When I woke up this morning, all I could do, was think about it. I decided to face it and see if the real thing was as interesting as my imaginary lover. When I stroked you, I pretended it was me being stroked. That's why I wanted you to do nothing. I wanted to watch you be manipulated as I pretended to be last night. I do have to admit, that I enjoyed it very much and will remember the look in your eyes for a long time. And I discovered three things about you. One is that you live up to honoring your word. Two is that you still enjoy being with women. And three is that you like for me to dominate you. I'm going to have to think about that for some time, before I allow myself to take another shower with you. I also learned something about myself. I didn't plan on doing what we did in there. It just happened. I don't want you to be my lover. I have plenty of those already and more wanting the opportunity to show what they can do. I want you to be my friend. I miss Nancy and the good times that we used to share. I think that I want you to be her replacement. I want you to be my special friend and confidant."

Chapter 14 - The Shopping

For the first time, I really felt comfortable being Renee and being around my daughters. I felt different, more relaxed, hearing Amanda talk to me as if I was her long lost best friend. All of a sudden, we were two teenage girls, giggling and talking as we primped each other to go shopping at the mall. In the twenty minutes since we finished our shower, the wall between us had dropped, as we became best friends. We'd started a relationship that was acceptable to both of us. It wasn't what I'd thought would occur, but I didn't have any complaints at this time.

Amanda sat in front of the make-up mirror while I stood behind her, brushing her long, beautiful blonde hair. We had put on a couple of her bathrobes, quickly dried and brushed my shorter hairstyle, then she showed me how to dry her hair. I didn't know what to do with her longer hair, so she was talking me through all the motions. I knew that I was enjoying the silky feel of her hair as I brushed it, wishing that my hair was longer so that I could have more options on how to style it.

As I watched her reflection in the mirror I could tell that she was enjoying my brushing. I knew that she liked to be pampered and having someone to brush her hair was a treat. I held a hand mirror up and asked her if her hair was done to her satisfaction. She looked into the mirror, smiled and put the mirror down.

"Sit down and let me show you how I apply my make- up." she commanded.

I sat down in the chair, facing the mirror. I watched as she picked up an eyebrow pencil. Tilting up my chin, she started filling and shaping my brows with short, feathery strokes. Occasionally she would stop and use a tweezer to remove a few errant hairs. I winced at the slight pain as she removed each unnecessary hair. Finally, satisfied with her shaping, she picked up the eyeshadow which she smoothed onto my lids. She spent considerable time on my lashes, thickening them and exaggerating the length with mascara. Through it all I sat rigidly, opening and closing my eyes as commanded. When I blinked, I could feel my long lashes fluttered.

Holding my chin in one hand, she outlined my lips then proceeded to color my lips with a coating of lipstick. Holding out a tissue she motioned for me to blot. Then she applied a hint of blush brushed onto my cheeks.

All the time that she was putting on my make-up, she was talking to me, telling me what she was doing and why she was using that mixture of cosmetics. When she was finished, I did have to admit that my make-up skill needed improvement. I didn't realized how attractive I could be with properly applied make-up on. I liked what she had done with my eyes, how my eyes appeared to be the focus of my face. There was a sparkle in my eyes that I hadn't seen in my reflection before.

Learning how to apply eyeshadow, mascara and blush, how to tweeze my eyebrows and how to use eyebrow pencil by myself had been difficult, but I had been able to pick up most of the techniques already. My weak area was how to use eyeliner without messing my eyes up. With Amanda's guidance, I saw how it should be applied.

She placed a large pair of silver hoop earrings then sprayed a little cologne on my wrists, and dabbed it behind my ears.

"We've got to do something about your clothes." Amanda remarked as she rummaged through my closet. "The clothes that you bought for yourself make you look like an old maid. Remember that you're now nineteen years old and not almost fifty years old. You have to dress and look the way that is expected for someone of our age, or you will look out of place. Let's go do some shopping today."

"What should I wear today?"

"Something to show off your tits. Something that will tease the old retired farts that sit on the mall benches watching for tittie-boppers. Women our age, go braless a lot because we can get away with it. Put on a pair of tight shorts, knot a blouse under your boobs, and slip on some tennis shoes because we will be doing a lot of walking. I have some great plans for today. And your old credit card."

The first shopping place on her agenda, was a jewelry store at the mall. In less than ten minutes, my ears were pierced, and my first pair of ear rings were purchased. While there, we also purchased a couple of necklaces, some bracelets, a watch, some rings and several more pair of ear rings.

An hour later, we had purchased several wigs and hair extenders in my color shade. Amanda recommended that I commence changing my hairstyle occasionally while my own hair is growing longer.

Just before lunch, we shopped for lingerie at Victoria's Secrets. Amanda insisted that I buy several pairs of black silk hose, matching tap pants, color coordinated garter belts, and several see-through bras in several styles. Then to balance my wardrobe, we selected some white lacy bustiers, with half cup bras; and the matching silk stockings and garter belts. It was only half-cup, so it supported and presented the breasts, rather than covering them, leaving the entire top half of the breasts and the nipples completely exposed. She suggested that those items should be reserved for when Danny and I want to have a special night together. She said that I should build a drawer full of nylons, satin panties, slick, shiny, clingy bras, and other such intimate apparel and lingerie for those nights when a little role-playing is needed.

It was a no smoking mall so she carried our purchases to the car while she smoked a cigarette. During that very brief time that I was left alone, I purchased four Water Massage showerheads for the bathrooms.

We wandered from shop to shop, until she saw a little black strapless cocktail dress that she thought was very sexy. She informed me that wearing a dress like this would make me more aware of my femininity, while properly displaying my breasts, legs and giving a hint of my excellent figure.

We bought a couple skirts and blouses and were headed home, when Amanda saw Tommy's car pulling into a parking lot. She turned her car around and pulled in beside him. He'd got out of the car and was holding the passenger door open for a pregnant girl to get out.

When Amanda pulled up, Tommy looked at Amanda and then at me, recognizing for the first time that there were really two of us. Amanda happily exclaimed "Hi, Tommy. Hello Marisa. Are you expecting a boy or girl?"

Marisa looked at both of us, not saying a word as she turned and walked toward the building. Tommy shyly apologized "Listen Renee, I'm sorry about the scene that I created. I thought that you were trying to bull shit me about being someone else. Hi, Amanda."

Amanda smiled her impish smile as she exclaimed "Understand that you made quite a fool of yourself. You haven't changed any. What are you going to do about Marisa?"

Tommy turned to see if Marisa was listening before he replied "Her uncle talked to my father. It looks like we'll be getting married soon."

She raised her eyebrows as she responded "Too bad. Renee and I were looking for someone to spend the weekend up in the mountains at a friend's cabin. Too bad that poor little you has to stay home and take care of the little woman. See you around, big boy." she declared as she flicked her cigarette butt at his feet.

She put the car in gear and pulled out, leaving Tommy standing in the middle of the lane, looking at the car.

"Why did you do that?"

"Tommy's an asshole. Back when I was very naive, I was crazy about him. I didn't recognize him for the asshole that he really is. I did anything that he asked me to do. Then he screwed me royally, going out with other women behind my back while I thought that we were going steady. Because of him, I vowed to never let a man hurt me the way that he hurt me. Now, when I get involved with someone, it's because I want him. And he'll do exactly what I want him to do, or his ass is grass."

We went back home to find one of Amanda's friends waiting for her. Amanda introduced me to Becky who was amazed at my resemblance to Amanda. After a couple of minutes of idle chit-chat, I excused myself to go sit with Linda who was sitting under the picnic table, drinking a beer.

As I sat down, she said "I'm sorry about last night. I made a real fool of myself. I can't handle my liquor and really shouldn't be drinking. I just like the buzz that I get when I drink."

I opened the little portable cooler on the table and popped a beer for myself before I responded "No problem. It was a very stressful situation and everyone reacts differently to stress."

We were quite for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the relaxing breeze. I knew that Linda wanted to say something but she didn't know how to start the discussion. Finally she said "What do you think mom would have done if she was still alive?"

"Your mom was a lady. I would like to think that she would have accepted my accidental transformation and adapted to the new me."

"Yeah, that sounds like her. What do you think that she would have done about Amanda?"

"What about Amanda?"

There was a long pause and Linda said "Amanda has completely changed over the last year. She has become cruel in some ways. She definitely became more bossy and demanding, than she ever was as a kid. I don't think you got any of her new personality in that switch. You're too gentle and soft now."

"Really? How can you tell?"

"By the little things that you do. Watching you and Amanda is like looking at Salt and Pepper. You may look alike, but you don't act like her, thank god."

"How does she act?"

There was a long pause before she replied "I suppose that every secret from now on is minor compared to your secret. But the week before mom died, Amanda had a miscarriage. Getting pregnant was a shock, but she quickly adapted to the concept of having a baby. She wanted to have the baby and losing it made her turn hard. I think that she built a shell around herself, and tried to build a new Amanda. A stronger Amanda that could handle any adversity. You didn't see a lot of the changes in her, because you wouldn't come out of the lab."

"Who was the father?"

"I suspected it to be Nick. It was the only time that she had sex with anyone without any protection, when he fucked her while she was drunk."

We talked a lot about Amanda and other things that she had done, that Amanda thought backed up her opinion of Amanda's change. One more beer later, a more relaxed Linda asked "Would you get mad at me if I suggested that you have a mastectomy and let the doctor turn you back into a man."

The question surprised me. One moment, we had been talking about Aunt Sally and the next moment came this bombshell question. She stared at me, waiting for my response. "I can't get mad at you for expressing your opinions. I've discussed that concept with both of my doctors and neither of them think that I could live as a man again. I've too much of a feminine appearance now to pass convincingly and my personality has become too feminine, to let me return to a masculine lifestyle. Is that what you want?"

"I've struggled with the religious question of whether it's a sin to change one's sex. That's not answered directly by the Bible. This morning, I did a little research, discovering that cross-dressing has existed for thousands of years and is even mentioned in the Bible in Deuteronomy and Leviticus. I discovered through other references that there have been transgenderists longer than there has been history to record them. The early Sumerian cuneiform texts, as well as ancient Egypt, Africa, South America, the Orient and other cultures discuss the topic. The more I read, the more confused I became. I interpret the Bible as the literal truth, and don't believe that a person can change his or her sex in the eyes of God. While you think that you are now a female, I have to think that you are a feminine looking cross-dresser with female breasts."

"So you want me to dress as a man? Knowing that it makes me uncomfortable to think of myself as anything but a female now."

"No. That's not what I want. I want you to be happy. I want you to be the Daddy that I remembered; not a new sister. I know that this transformation wasn't something that you deliberately did to yourself and that you are only trying to adapt to something that you probably can't change now. All morning, I have done nothing but wrestle with my religion and my love for you. I've searched within myself for the answers and know that I've got to reconcile my basic religious convictions before I can fully accept the person that you are now. Do you understand why I cannot accept you as a woman?"

I paused for several seconds, while she stared at me, waiting for a response. Then I said "The feelings that you have are normal. Transgendered people aren't accepted in most parts of society. Laws vary from country to country as well as from state to state, as to the rights of transgendered and transsexual people. The strict Muslim countries permit transgendered people to be jailed, fined, or beaten to death, while other middle eastern countries are very accepting of transgendered people. There are some religions in the Asia centered around transgenderism or involve transgenderism. While you can look for answers in your bible or church, the real answer will have to be found inside you. I know that this has been a difficult revelation for you, but you are the only person that can make your decision in this matter. I have enough faith in you to know that you will make the correct decision after you have had time to think."

She smiled as she replied "Thank you, Daddy. I booked a flight that's leaving in a couple of hours. I need to get away from here and go back to my dorm room, so that I can think about this."

After Linda left, I went back to my bedroom to put away my new clothes. I felt better, knowing that she had verbalized her problems and would be more understanding of my mixed up emotions.

Amanda came into the bedroom, carrying a bikini bathing suit. She handed it to me saying "When I carried the clothes out to the car at the mall earlier, I didn't spend all that time smoking. I stopped at the Costume Shop and bought a gaff. Strip down and let's see if we can hide your dick, so that you can wear this thong bikini bottom. I want to try an experiment tonight."

"That type of bottom reveals too much."

"That's why I bought the gaff. Strip down."

My crotch area was completely denuded of hair. I stood while she tucked my penis away using the gaff, which was then covered up by the thong bikini bottom. When she was finished, there was no trace of masculinity between my legs. The gaff and positioning had camouflaged my cock so that the thong bikini looked normal. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling in the world to be secured that way, but it was bearable.

I put on the bikini top and observed myself in the mirror as I turned, walked, and sat down. The gaff was hiding my cock, so that anyone looking at me would think that I had a female genitalia.

Amanda guided me to the makeup table. While I watched in the mirror, she brushed my hair back and put a wig on me "It's an old wig that I wear every once in awhile when I don't feel like spending the time to get my real hair ready. Its my exact hair shade and style. When I'm finished putting this on you, everyone will think that you are me."

In only moments, she had the longer hair positioned, brushed and hair-sprayed so that it looked natural, while transforming me into her exact clone. When she was finished, she undressed and put on the bathing suit that I had worn out to the lake with Danny. After she put on the suit, she ran downstairs, returning with a hot dog. I watched as she stuffed the hot dog into her crotch so it looked as if she was hiding a penis.

Then she sat down at the make-up table, removed most of her make-up and applied new make-up using the limited make-up techniques that I had been using on myself so far. Then she brushed her hair back and tucked it up before she put on a red short-haired wig. When she was finished, she proclaimed "For the rest of the day, we'll pretend to be each other. I'm Renee trying a different hairstyle and you're Amanda."

"Why? I'm trying to establish my own identity and now you want me to pretend to be you."

"You've had a lot of time to discover what its like to be me. I just want the same opportunity to see what its like to be you. Don't worry about Danny. I promise that I won't have sex with him."

"That's not what worries me. I was just beginning to really feel comfortable with my new life, knowing that it was my life and not your life. Why do you want to do this?"

"Because Nancy would have done it if I asked her. She was my best friend and I want you to be my new best friend. Just do it for me." she cooed.

"No." I said, as I pulled the wig off. I would show her who was in charge. Even though I am no longer the male father figure for this family, she can't boss me around.

The sun felt good. I was lying on a blanket, feeling the cool refreshing breeze blowing off the lake. As I sat up, I adjusted my wig slightly so that it was correctly positioned on my head. I looked down at the little strip of sand where Amanda and Danny were playing with the Frisbee. Amanda had on her red short-haired wig and was pretending to be Renee, while I was pretending to be Amanda.

I still don't know how she talked me into it or why I participated. But somehow she had been persuasive enough so that we had swapped identities. I was pretending to be her, while she was acting like me.

When Danny arrived, she was all bubbly and rubbing against him, while I was having to watch her pretend to be me. I know that I almost stopped breathing when he walked into the house, heard her tell him "Amanda suggested that I could be sexier if I was a redhead. What do you think?". Then she sashayed across the floor to him, flouting her new look, before giving him a very seductive welcome kiss. As they kissed, she rubbed her breasts against him as he allowed his fingers to roam up and down her back before stopping on her ass.

He basically ignored me while he allowed her to flirt with him while we packed a quick picnic lunch. He talked to me, but his attention was focused on her.

During the drive out to the lake, I almost blew it when she was nibbling on his neck in the front seat and whispering how she wanted him as she traced a secret message on his leg with her fingernails. After two dirty looks from me, she sat up and started behaving herself.

As soon as we unloaded the car and walked down the path to the beach, she started pulling Danny away as she tossed the Frisbee. For several minutes, they had been laughing and playing a little `grab ass'. I was watching her as every toss kept getting them just a little further away. If that Frisbee went into the woods, I was prepared to go down there and kick her butt.

Then they came running back up the field toward me. As Amanda fell on the blanket beside me, she was laughing as she stared at Danny. He was smiling at her, ignoring me.

Amanda said "Danny, do you love me?"

"Of course."

She looked me squarely in the eyes before continuing "Would you do anything that I asked you to do?"

"Such as??"

I stared at her, not knowing what she was getting ready to ask him, but I knew that I didn't want her to ask him to do anything. I didn't trust her because I knew that she was going to try to take him away from me, just to show me that she could. And she was going to do it, while also stealing my identity from me. The identity that I had worked so hard to build.

I started feeling the anger from deep inside as I realized that I can't let her take him or my identity away from me. I started to step forward, to step between them, but I felt as if I was being held back. I strained but I couldn't move. Something was holding me back.

Chapter 15 - The new me

"Daddy, wake up. It's me, Cathy."

Through a foggy haze and half opened eyes, I could faintly see someone leaning over me as they talked to me in a very excited tone. I could hear them but couldn't understand them. So I tried to say something but could only say a few mumbled words that even I couldn't understand. I knew that someone was holding my hand and squeezing it tight as I heard Cathy's voice calling me Daddy through my fog.

I felt someone turn my head and shine a bright light into my eyes. I tried to jerk when the bright light exploded into my skull, but they were holding me tight as they aimed the light straight into my eyes. I was too weak to object to their man-handling. I tried to sit up but I couldn't and I could hear other people talking somewhere in the haze around me. What has happened to me?

I fell into a deep sleep again but this time when I woke up, there was no haze, no fog covering my eyes, no heavy cloud keeping me asleep. As I opened my eyes, I stared into the face of my sweet Cathy, who was sitting beside my bed. As I opened my eyese, I could see that I was in a hospital bed. As I stired, she advised me "Its all right now. Everything is ok."

My mouth was dry and my tongue was swollen, causing me some difficulty to talk. I mumbled "What happened?"

Cathy held my hand and stated "The explosion hurt you more than anyone realized. You had a concussion that no one knew about and passed out while you were sleeping that night. You've been in a coma for almost three weeks now, Daddy."

My skin crawled with fear as her words sunk in. I started to raise my hand and discovered that my wrist was bound to the bed rails. As I lightly tugged on it, Cathy pulled the release tie as she sighed "We had to tie you to keep you under control. You played with yourself a lot and it was embarrassing to see you masturbating in your sleep."

As soon as my arm was free, I laid my hand on my chest, to confirm that I didn't have breasts. Or that I didn't have female breasts. I felt a male chest, that was slightly hairy.

I gasped "mirror."

Cathy looked around the room, picked up the shaving mirror and held it so that I could look at myself. Reflected in it was my old 47 year old slightly unshaven, male face.

It was true. It had only been a dream. I wasn't Renee and everything had occurred in my coma induced sleep.

I don't know why, but I felt a tear starting to drip down my cheek. I was staring at Cathy, not believing that it had only been a dream, when I heard a soft voice say "Daddy, I'm home to take care of you. I'm not going back to school."

I turned my head slightly to see that Amanda had slipped quietly into the room. She was smiling and tears were flowing down her face. She held my hand and gasped "I couldn't stand to lose you too, Daddy. I rushed home and have been here ever since. I couldn't go home because you kept calling my name in your sleep. So I stayed here by your side until they ran me away so that I could sleep. One of us has been by your side ever since the accident."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I mumbled "Everything will be ok. I'm back."

Amanda bent over and kissed my forehead, engulfing me with that sweet smelling perfume that I liked to wear. As she squeezed my hand, she announced softly "Daddy, today is the best day of my life. You came back to us and I accepted a marriage proposal. Danny, come here and meet my Daddy."

I couldn't speak as Danny stepped forward where I could see him. I felt very faint as I stared at him.

Dear Diary,

Its been six months since I woke up. A lot has happened in those six months. Amanda and Danny had a beautiful church wedding, with me giving Amanda to Danny. She was a beautiful bride, however I still think that the other wedding dress would have looked better on her. I don't like dresses with long trains and wouldn't have chosen the gown that she finally selected. But it was her wedding so she could wear which ever one that she wanted to wear.

They live close by so I get to see them all the time. Amanda quit school, but she will go back after the baby is born. Yes, Amanda was pregnant within a couple of weeks of the wedding.

Cathy broke up with her boyfriend and has a new one almost every two weeks. She graduated from high school and traveled around Europe with her then current boyfriend as a graduation present from me.

Linda accepted a teaching position with a church school and is very happy with the monstary type life.

As for myself, I'm doing great. It took me about a week to really convince myself that it had all been a dream. That Renee never existed. It was a rough week and I decided that I needed some professional help. So I talked to Doctor Johnson, who referred me to a therapist that specializes in gender problems. For the last five months, I have been visiting the therapist twice a week to iron out the other details in my life and to put my life back into correct order.

You've got no ideal what it's like, to learn that something that you believed in so much, never existed. I really thought that I was Renee and had learned to be her. I had accepted her identity as my life and was prepared to live it to the fullest. Then when I was thrown back to being Richard, it upset my sense of identity.

So for the last five months, I have gone through a lot of counseling. The hard part was bringing Amanda to the therapy sessions and discussing my dream identity with her. Telling her what it was like to be her clone, what it was like to make love to her husband, and most of all, what it was like to be Renee. Or more importantly, what it was like to be a female. I didn't think that she would understand and was very reluctant to involve her, but my therapist insisted that it was necessary for me to clear my chest. Then I brought Cathy and Linda to a session and let the whole family know about my dream. They were just as supportive in real life as they were in my dream, when I told them about my sex change.

That was almost two months ago and now things are finally beginning to work out. I don't feel confused anymore and have a clear sense of identity. So clear that I am prepared to embark on a journey that will bring me to my destination. In the morning, when I wake up, I'll shave my legs for the first time and put on a dress. Beginning tomorrow, I'll start living and dressing as a woman. Tomorrow will be the first day of my new life.

It was a hard decision to make, but the only one that I could make. And my family supported me in making it. When I walk down to the breakfast table tomorrow morning, my three daughters will be there to greet me as we share breakfast for the first time. I will become Renee tomorrow, but it will be a slightly different Renee. I will be a mature female with a thining hairline, with slightly broader shoulders than I would like, and with a deeper voice.

After breakfast, they will take turns going with me to places where I know that I'll have to bear the scrunty of curious people. I know that some of them will see through my make-up and call me names, but I accept that misery, knowing that there will come a time when they accept me for who I really am. Amanda has arranged for me to have a private session with a beautician and to shape and color my long hair. I haven't cut it since the explosion, so it has grown quite long.

I know it's a long journey to my final destination, but each journey begins with one small step. I'll take each step one day at a time and enjoy its triumphs as I learn from its miseries. No journey is easy but with each step, we get closer to our destiny. I'll never be the young, beautiful Renee, who is a clone of my daughter. But I'll be the happy middle-aged Renee, who has three wonderful and very understanding daughters for friends. Even if one of them did steal my dream boyfriend.

We finally decided that I was seeing Danny visit me in the hospital and as Amanda talked to me, I was probably hearing the word `boyfriend'. So we think that I included him my my dream because he was visiting the hospital with Amanda.

And the real Amanda is not as the control freak that she was in my dream. We theorize that she spent so much time talking to me while I was a coma and trying to get me to wake up, that I felt threatened by her. So my dream Amanda had a real forceful, bitchy personality because the real Amanda was trying to force me to wake up.

My journey began with the realization that my memories were only a dream, but a dream which I wanted to come true. A dream where I found peace for myself, and where I could express my true personality.

So dear diary, I have started this small collection of my thoughts, my hopes, my agony, my frustrations, and my thoughts of love. As I write these final words wearing the clothes and identity of Richard, I look forward to tomorrow. When I can assume the clothes and identity of Renee.

Until tomorrow.

The End

AUTHORS NOTE:

So how should a story end? I cheated on this one and turned it into a dream. I usually plan a story and sometimes just let the story go where it wants to go. After writing myself into a corner, where I didn't want to go back and re-write thirty pages to come up with a logical ending, I hit a wall.

So after several weeks of going no-where, I decided to take the easy way out. Hope that you still enjoyed it.

Waldo