** This story is a true story, telling of people and events that have taken place in the last three to four years. I have the consent of the others who are involved to use them, but no last names will be used for privacy reasons. This story will focus around two people as they stumble upon each during high school and find themselves falling for one another. They are able to survive the trials, tribulations, and difficulties that are thrown at them and from each other until everything comes to an abrupt end...All rights to this story are mine (lol well it is based on MY experiences) so no copying or publishing without my consent!**
Finding Andrew
Chapter 24 - First Day with Jake
Before I even continue, I'd like to say thanks to a few people right now. Thanks to Vince and Samantha for keeping my head up through May. I don't think I've ever been as down as I've been during that time. It's good to know that no matter how bad things are, I have people in my corner that do care. Thanks to Keera, Sean, Kenny, Lizzy, Krista, Levi, Carrie, Jason, and my sister for the kind words and for the encouragement. Thanks to Scott, Ben, Ms. Pat, and Jacob for being by my side in North Carolina not too long ago. You guys did your part and it's time for me to do mine. The time away from things has done some good. Thanks everybody.
The drive up to Denver was the longest I'd ever had...well the longest without the stop and go traffic by the University Blvd. exit. Talking to someone that far away was one thing, but to meet them in person and actually be around them...something I wasn't ready for. And if he would have asked I know I would have turned him down. I had so much bad happen the last couple of months I just didn't want to let myself be hurt again. Turning people away could prevent, but he didn't give me the option. Smart man.
Once I got to the airport, I took a few minutes to kind of prepare myself for what was likely to happen. We had become pretty good friends, and even though I wasn't in the greatest of moods I would be thrilled to see him. I let the jitters run their course and finally made my way inside. I checked my watch and saw that his plane was about 15 minutes away from landing. Instead of sitting and letting my nerves build back up, I went to grab a bite to eat. A few pieces of pizza later, it was finally time.
I had been to the DIA (Denver International Airport) so many times that I knew it like the back of my hand. After checking to see where he would getting his baggage from, I headed downstairs to wait for him. After about a ten minute wait I finally saw him come through. Funny how seeing pictures of someone for so long didn't help me recognize in person. I had to kind of think hard to make sure because the pics did him no justice whatsoever. And you could tell with the various teen girls giving him a few approving looks. Something we would laugh about later. Anyway, I had to make sure it was him so I did the one thing I knew would work. I stepped back away from the small crowd and yelled his name. He looked up and spotted me and grinned.
"Sam! Hey man, where do I go to get my bags?"
"Upstairs. I'll show you where." We walked over to the stairs and made our way up. We both were all smiles, but I think even he was nervous. Yes, even the ever so non-caring about what other people think Jake, was nervous. "So how was your flight buddy?"
"Boring. Had to sit next to the window and the other people in my row were sleep. Longest couple of hours I've had for awhile."
"Yea, I can imagine."
"Soooo, how are you holding up?" A question I knew was coming eventually.
"The walls are still there. Just not as sturdy as they used to be." He saw where I was coming from and nodded. After getting his bags we headed back to my car and back on the highway to Colorado Springs.
"Look Sam. I don't normally do this for many people. I can kind of understand and relate to some of the things that have happened lately. I'm not saying that I feel your pain or any of that other mumbo jumbo. All I'm saying is that I see where you are letting yourself head. It's not a place you want to go. My sole purpose of coming out here is to steer you straight."
"Steer me straight huh?"
".....Ass. You know what I mean. I'm being serious here. You need to sort yourself out before you get lost. You don't get many chances to do that."
"I know. I just don't know where exactly to start."
"Well let's start with the main thing eating away at you..."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Why not? Have you talked to anyone about Andrew since he died?"
"Well I talked to a few people..."
"Not that type of talking. I'm talking about REALLY talking about him. I can imagine how much he meant to you. You can't keep those feelings to yourself you know. It will eat you alive. You need a way to express your feelings about him. Luckily for you, I'm all ears on anything you have to say." I pulled the car over because I knew that talking about that topic would not be something I could do while driving. I spent almost an hour getting everything there was to get out about my feelings towards him. I had never been that open about anything to a friend...and especially to one that I hadn't known that long. After I was done I sat for a couple of minutes to try and pull my emotions back together. Looking at Jake, I saw something that I'd only saw in Justin recently. His eyes showed that he really cared. I was around a lot of "friends" that all said the same crap. He really meant it. He dropped everything to be with me when I was struggling with all that I was. That meant so much to me.
"Thank you Jake...for listening."
"No problem dude. I told you I was here to help you out."
"I know. I just don't have many people I can trust anymore."
"Don't worry. I plan on being one of those few people. Just from our chats online, I could tell that you have good intentions in the things you do. I'm just here to help guide you." After another thank you, I restarted the car and pulled back on the highway. We were silent for awhile...that was until my phone rang. It was from a number I didn't recognize right away. The voice was very familiar.
"Hello?"
"...Hey Sam. It's..."
"Yea I know who this is." I pulled over again. Jake gave me a puzzled look, but once he saw my face I think he recognized who it was. "I thought it would be a cold day in hell before I heard from you again."
"Well I had to think a few things over."
"Like what?"
"Well I owe you an apology."
"An apology? What would make you think that?" I asked sarcastically.
"Yea, I see you haven't changed." He laughed. "Still the same Sam."
"And I see you're the same Tim. So, why are you really calling?"
"To see if we could talk."
"I'm a little busy right now actually."
"...Oh....I see." He responded with a hurtful tone.
"Look, I'll give you a call later tonight. I have a few things I need to take care of first."
"Ok. Talk to you later than bud."
"Later." I hung up the phone and restarted the car. Once again we were rolling along on the highway.
"I can't believe you still would want to talk to him." Jake said very irritated.
"Well I have my reasons."
"How much do you like him?"
"As a friend? He is...was a great friend."
"I don't mean that. How much do you LIKE him?"
"Enough to still want to talk to him."
"Ok. Not the answer I'm looking for. Do you like him as much as you liked Andrew?"
"Jake, that isn't a road I want to go down."
"Too bad. I want an answer. How much do you really like Tim?" A question that never really popped up in my head. I knew what the answer was though. The last couple of months had really opened my eyes to that.
"I like Tim a lot. More than any other living human right now. But it will never be as strong as it was for Andrew."
"So if you and Andrew would have broken up..."
"If Tim was an option I would. But that isn't possible anyway."
"You never know sometimes, Sam. Things aren't as clear cut as you think."
"This one is. It can't happen." We rode in silence all the way back into town. Once he told me where his hotel was I took there so he could get his stuff settled in. We grabbed some lunch and I gave him a brief tour of the town. Once I took him back he invited me in for one more chat before the night was over.
"Sam, can I ask you something? I want you to be honest."
"Sure. Go ahead."
"Would not being around Tim hurt you?" Hmm. That was an interesting question. I had to take a few minutes to think it through. I swear it really is crazy how many things can run through your mind in such a short time.
"Yea. I'd probably be even worse than I've been since Andrew."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because he's one of few people I can trust. If he wanted to apologize about his little outburst and go back to being buddies I'd be happy. I don't have many people that close to me anymore. Justin, Sean, and now you."
"I see. Well you have to do what you think is best."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Tim may do you more damage than good by being so close and yet so far." I knew exactly what he meant by that. I needed no further explanation. He dropped the subject and we chatted about a few other topics. Afterwards, I drove home and pulled out my cell phone. I had made up my mind on what to do. I dialed the numbers and waited for Tim to pick up...
Yes, I still live folks. It has been a really rough time these last couple of months. My priorities are now in order. Of course they did have to come at a price. I guess I should explain:
For the last few months I've been living with Justin. He has been my best friend through many things over the years. I don't think I need to really go into detail about that. You've read it before. I owe a lot to him. More than what is probably payable. He's kept me alive on many occasions. I wish I could have said the same. What I didn't realize is that he had been going through some things as well. I did the best I could to help, but you can only help so much when others don't tell you everything. Justin was struggling very mightily with something that he couldn't handle on his own. He finally reached his breaking point. He only had one solution to his problem...After reading his journal in the following weeks, everything was crystal clear.
Guys and gals, no matter how bad life is...there is always someone out there with a willing hand to help you. Always. It could be from an unlikely place, but there is always someone there. Suicide is never the answer. I've had the last two months to think about that topic, and figured that I would do something useful. Something that I'm sure Justin could appreciate. I've been doing volunteer work at a gay/lesbian youth center downtown to help teens go through what Justin and others struggle with: accepting being gay. I've given speeches, helped a few teens who were kicked out by their parents find homes, and I've taken the time to befriend those that need a friend. I love doing it. And I love the fact that I know that it will help someone out. Any life that I can help save or touch is worth it...
Now as for the rest of this story, I don't know how much longer I plan on going. I'm not going to make any promises. I haven't really been in a talkative or friendly mood this summer. If I decide to go on I will. If not, I will at least give you guys the respect of letting you know. Take care everybody, and hope you are having a great summer!