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Finding Myself Within Eric- Chapter 10
"Who are you" were the only words that came out of his mouth. I felt my heart break, actually more like shatter into a million pieces.
"Hunny, this is Jack. Do you remember that name?"
He looked over at her and then looked back at me. I was struggling to keep things together and I felt my mother's hand on my shoulder.
"Jack. No, I don't think I remember a Jack."
"Eric, you have to remember me. We have been together for the past month or so. We go to school together at Fillmore, stop playing around.
I was on the verge of frantic. If I wasn't there already.
"Sorry man, my memory is a little fuzzy."
I could feel my eyes becoming tearful, clinching my fist forcing myself to stay as calm as possible.
"Hunny, you do remember us leaving Arizona, right?"
"Yeah, I remember that, and everything before that. At least I'm pretty sure. And I know I'm a heck of a baseball player. But after that nothing."
Just in there was a soft knock at the door.
"I have brought flowers."
There was a boy a bit taller than me walking in the door towards Eric's bed. He had tanned skin, like someone that spends all their time outdoors, blonde highlighted hair, light blue eyes, and perfect white straight teeth. He sat the flowers on a nightstand and leaned over to kiss Eric on the forehead.
"Hey baby."
His mother gave an unwelcoming smile.
"Hello Victor."
She said his name like she didn't want to say it at all.
"Hello Emily."
He said in a sly voice like he knew he wasn't supposed to be there and he didn't care. But the moment I heard Victor's name I got angry.
"Umm...Jack... this is my boyfriend Victor, do you know him too?"
"Sweetie, Jack and I have never met."
He said running his fingers through Eric's hair. He walked over back towards me holding out is hand.
"Nice to meet you Jackie. Are you one of my Eric's friends around here?"
I couldn't hold myself back. The next thing I knew I had punched Victor square in the jaw, causing him to fall over unto the floor. I heard my mother gasp and Eric's mom was hiding a giggle.
"What the hell was that for?"
I could still feel the rage boiling inside of me. I felt my mother hand touch my arm trying to lead me away, but I slugged her off, pushing Victor aside and walked over towards the bed were Eric was sitting. He had the look of horror in his eyes, but he didn't say anything. It was still hard to be this close to him knowing that he is alive, that he is awake. I just stood there starting into his eyes, as he stated back at me. The room was quite, besides Emily and Victor started arguing about how he shouldn't even be here. I just wanted to drown out the world, and just have Eric in the room.
The good thing was he was staring back at me now. Softness in his eyes, like he knew he was hurting me and trying his best to remember.
"Eric, just tell me you remember me please."
I was beyond the point of breaking. Beyond self control. I was slowly slipping away in the darkness of my mind, going beyond the point of no return. It was then when I truly realized how much I loved him. How much I needed him in my life. I leaned more into him. Taking in his scent, his essence inside of me. I kissed him. Not just a simple meaningless kiss. But a kiss from the very core of my soul. At first he wasn't kissing me back, but then our tongues met. Moist and wet as they were, they danced like they never did before. His lips were still so soft, so sweet, his tongue like candy.
I didn't hear everything in the room go quite. It was like me and Eric was in our own world. I slowly pulled away from him, opening my eyes to look right back into his. He wasn't starting back though. Not like I hoped. He had his eyes closed, breathing slowly like he was in deep thought. He was trembling slightly but you wouldn't have noticed unless you were as close to him as I was. But pulled back further, though I didn't want to, but I knew he needed some space. I forced myself to look around the room. Victor was good, and my mother and Emily were just standing in front of the bed smiling. I heard Eric start to speak but then he stopped. He started again more slowly.
"Jack... I'm sorry... I don't want to hurt you, you seem like a really nice guy but-?"
He paused taking a long deep breath.
"I'm sorry but... I just don't know who you are, and after what you hit Victor and- I'm not sure if I want to."
I froze. There was nothing more that I could do. I was truly and utterly defeated.
I left the hospital that night. My mother didn't say anything about what happen with my visit with Eric, and I'm glad she didn't. I wasn't sure if I was ready for the talk about her son being gay. I don't think I ever would be. I wish that I could turn this off. But I know that is not possible. I was made this way. These feelings have lied dormant in me for years and Eric was the one who brought them to the surface.
I went upstairs to my room and locked the door. I was trying to make it to the bed but I barely went two steps before I collapsed on the floor. I started screaming. In terror, heartache, loss, fear, in the name of God, I screamed. My whole body was shaking, violently shaking. I banged my head on the door, but I couldn't move nor see through the tears, that I feared would turn red with blood. I laid there and screamed until my voice gave way, till tears refused to come from my swollen eyes. It was then I felt arms around me. Holding me tightly.
"I'm so sorry mom."
I said in barely even a whisper. I felt like I was on the verge of breaking down again, but she just help me even closer.
"There is nothing to be sorry about dear. I love you no matter what."
For the first time in my life, I held my mother. She helped me up into the bed, leaving only for a moment to get a glass of water, a cool towel and a couple of pills.
"Here take this. It will help you sleep."
She handed me the pills and I took them laying back down on the bed. She took the cool towel and placed it over my eyes and set next to me.
"I'll stay here until you are able to fall asleep, then I will let you get some rest and go down to talk to your father. But I'll be checking on your throughout the night."
I just nodded my head, glad that she was there right next to me. The sleeping pills were kicking in and even through exhaustion the only thing I was able to think about was Eric's face.
(Eric's Point of View)
For some reason I felt pain. Not a physical pain but emotional pain. Victor never came back, and I don't think I wanted him to either deep down. All I could think about was Jack. The way he acted it was obvious him and I are very close. But there was something about his kiss, they gave me flashbacks. They were blurry and unclear, but they were there.
Authors Note:
Hello everyone thanks so much for all the comments I have gotten so far. They really keep me going in writing this. Sorry it took so long also, I'm in college so I had to deal with life stuff first. I got really emotional writing this chapter, and I hope that come across cause I was almost crying when I was writing it (lol). Best wishes to everyone who reads and I will try to get the next chapter up really soon.