Hi Everyone!
Sorry for not posting anything for so long. I hope you like this new story and please give as much feedback as you can.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Please note, this copyright notice is retroactive to all stories I have previously posted on Nifty. They are distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Australia License, Copyright (C) 2008.
DISCLAIMER
This story involves relationships between males aged 17-19. If you do not approve of this, why the hell are you even reading it now? If you are a parent reading through the Internet logs of your young child, do not punish your child for reading these stories. He/she clearly has some questions about his development, and it is YOUR responsibility to answer those questions truthfully and honestly. If this material is illegal in your area, leave now. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. You know the drill. If you aren't supposed to be reading this, Don't (although some flames would be lovely to publicly dissect :)).
ABOUT WAITING FOR THE MUSIC
If any of you read my prior story, Waiting for the Music, you may be upset to learn that I have permanently abandoned that story. I am sorry for that, but looking over it now I truly think it is utter crap. I think this story will be better because I am putting more of my soul into this one :)
FEEDBACK
I absolutely love feedback. Please submit your feedback, good or bad, lengthy or brief, in Japanese or in English, (although preferably English) to:
sakurakangen@gmail.com
You may also add me on Google Talk or MSN Messenger at the same address. I love talking to you.
Doumo arigatou gozaimashita.
And now, without further adieu.....
=============================================================================== FINDING YOU: CHAPTER ONE - Sakura Photo ===============================================================================
I looked at his picture.
His blue eyes were very piercing. They were piercing in the photo too. A soft half-smile on his lips. I remember when I had taken that photo. On the holiday. Our holiday.
He looked so beautiful in that picture. The background covered in the pale pink of spring blooming sakura, cherry blossoms. He looked so at home, so happy in a country that was totally foreign to him.
My lip began to quiver, and a tear ran down my cheek. Every single time I looked at that picture I cried. I guess that would be a good reason not to keep it in my wallet - but in my usual valiant defiance of logic I had kept it there for a whole month, and had no plans as such to remove it.
I quickly put away the photo when I realised that if I were to cry any more it would surely be noticed by my friend, Chris. I was still wiping my eyes when he walked back in.
"Hiya, I got us some crackers.. hey.. what's up? Your eyes are all red. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Chris, don't worry about it."
He must have heard the tremolo in my voice, because he wasn't buying it.
"You just stay right here, I'll get you a glass of water and then you'll tell me what's wrong." he said just as he was rushing out of the room, leaving the tray of crackers on the bed I was sitting on.
I just sat and waited for a while - he seemed to be taking a long time just to get a glass of water. I looked around. His room was pretty unusual. Dark purple walls, and a lighter purple ceiling. There was a big teardrop shaped black wall adornment in one corner next to the window. On the other side there was a bookshelf absolutely packed with stuff. I looked at some of the books: Descartes, Russell, Lacan, Swinbourne.. Chris certainly wasn't your average 17 year old. The top part of the bookshelf was full of figurines from cult sci-fi TV shows. You might think that these figurines would lead to him being instantly labelled a geek, but somehow he managed to avoid that label - I think he did this by wearing fashionable clothes and keeping quiet about his love of science fiction. I didn't. I was the school nerd - but that didn't bother me too much. We both went to a school where knowledge was regarded highly and being a nerd wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
Of course, I didn't have to worry about any of that any more. I had just finished highschool and Chris was just about to begin his final year. Hence he asked me to come over so I could give him all my old notes and homework. He was going to have the same mathematics teacher I did, and this particular teacher was well known for setting exactly the same exercises year after year. What was less well known was that he also knew exactly what each of his student's hand- writing was like, and he would recognize my work in an instant.
Therefore, Chris' dream of a maths-homework-free year would be tragically crushed. Q.E.D... or something.
Chris finally came back carrying two steaming mugs.
"Water was too easy, so I got the next-best thing! Hot Chocolate!" he said, grinning.
"Uh.. thanks?"
I took the mug from him and took a sip, putting it down on some empty space on his bedside table.
"Soooo are you going to tell me what's wrong or am I just going to sit here eating crackers?" he said after a moment of silence.
"What made you think there was something wrong?"
"One, you haven't said anything since I gave you that hot chocolate. Two, you were definitely crying before, and don't try and hide it, and Three: You haven't eaten any crackers."
I took a deep breath and opened up my wallet again, showing him the photo.
"Ohhh, your ex-boyfriend.." he said.
"He's not my ex-boyfriend."
"Well, he was once your boyfriend, and he's not your boyfriend now, so I think that means he's your ex boyfriend."
"No, we're still together, he just hasn't called yet."
Chris looked puzzled.
"Um, dude? Didn't you say he went to Japan like, a month ago?"
"Yes, and he'll call me as soon as he can. It's like he said, a scholarship at Toudai is not something you pass up, even for love. He'll call me as soon as he has time. He said he would."
"Dude, it's been a month. If he was so desperate to call you he would have done it by now."
"Chris.. please don't... I don't want to talk about this."
"Yeah? Well I do want to talk about it. Because I think it needs to be talked about. Ever since he left you have done nothing but stare cataconically at that.. that.. fucking picture!" he was raising his voice now. He grabbed the photo and tried to tear it, but the glossy film was pretty tough, and he wasn't very strong, so eventually he just threw it on the ground. He continued:
"Ever since he left, you haven't shown one iota of concern for me or anyone else!"
I was getting kind of pissed off now, "Yeah, and you think it's all about you, don't you?" I shouted back.
"Oh for fuck's sake." He replied, his voice softening a little, "You've got to realise that he's gone, and he's obviously avoiding contact with you. To be honest, short of packing your bags and flying over there, there is no way you'll ever see him again..."
I sat quietly for a moment. Then I pulled out my mobile phone.
"You're right." I mumbled softly as I punched a familiar number into the keypad of my phone.
"Uh.. William? What are you doing?" Chris asked, somewhat alarmed.
As soon as I heard my phone answer I began speaking, "Hello. Is this the University of New South Wales? Yes? Great, I have decided to defer my enrolment. That's right, I'll be taking a gap year after all. William Davis, that's right. Yes. Okay, thank you, bye."
"William? What the hell are you doing?" Chris asked, sounding even more frantic.
I made another phone call, impersonating my father's voice.
"Hello, my name is Edmond Davis. I was just wondering if I had enough frequent flyer points for a free flight to Narita, Tokyo? One-way is fine, thanks. I would like to purchase one ticket for my son William. Yes he has travelled before. Right, the frequent flyer details, just a moment."
I made the sound of rustling paper, pretending to fetch the card, and then proceeded to recite the details of my father's frequent flyer card and PIN from memory.
"Yes, he can travel economy. I can afford it? Wonderful. When is the flight? Right, that would be just great if you could do it that quickly. Will I.. er, my son be able to pick up the ticket at the airport? Excellent. Thank you. Bye now."
Chris was looking at me with a steely gaze now.
"William, you aren't just trying to fuck with my head are you? What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
I ignored him, and bent over and picked up the photo from the ground, putting it back in my wallet. I immediately walked out, hopped on my bike and began cycling away to the train station, with Chris running after me. It didn't take me long to lose him.
Once I arrived at the train station, wheeling my bike beside me, I looked at the noticeboard that announced the departure times. Three minutes until a train to the airport.. quickly I hurried over and bought a ticket. Cost me a bloody fortune. Airport tickets are ludicrously expensive in Sydney. I pulled my bike into an elevator and went down to the platform, where the train had just pulled in. Perfect timing.
I wheeled my bike onto the vestibule of the train, turned around, and took a look through the still-open doors. I saw someone hurrying down the stairs, and realised that it was Chris, after he got down to the platform. He began looking for me, and it didn't take him long to work out where I was. He ran over to the platform alongside the carriage in which I was standing.
"Dude.." he said, panting, "You still didn't give me my maths notes."
I realised then that I still had them in my other hand. I had almost forgotten.
"Here.." I said, tossing the books over to him, through the doors of the train. He managed to catch them all, but dropped one immediately afterward. When he looked up at me after picking it up, I noticed he had tears in his eyes.
"Dude... what the fuck?" He said.
"Bye." I whispered just as the train doors closed.
As the train pulled away I secured my bike to one of the poles in the forward part of the carriage and sat down. Almost instinctively I opened up my wallet and got out the worn photo, tears already begin to run down my face.
"I'm going to find you, baby, I promise." I sobbed as I clutched the photo to my heart, rocking back and forth.
"I'm going back."
You have... two messages... first message.. from.. 0 4 3 1 4 7 7 6 0 2
"Hi Mum, Hi Dad. I guess you're probably wondering where I am. I'm actually at the airport. I'm going to Japan to find him. I have to find him. I hope you understand. Sorry for spending all your frequent flyer points. I love you all. Please don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Bye."
BEEP
You have.. one.. more message.. Second message... from... International Number. 8 1 3 5 3 5 6 9 1 4 4
"Hi? Is this still William's number? I hope so. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that Toudai wasn't for me and I'm going back to Australia to study at the University of New South Wales. That's the same place you're studying right? I'm sorry it's been over a month since I called. I have been so extremely busy these last few weeks. Anyway please give me a call back on +81353569144.
"I'll be in Japan for another few weeks and then I'll be flying back to Australia! It'll be great to see you again, I've made so many friends here. One of them will be coming back with me. Bye now!"
BEEP
You have.. no.. more messages. Delete messages, or replay?
===============================================================================
Well, that's all for this installment of Finding You. You may have noticed some similarities between certain references in this story and my other, incomplete (and abandoned) story, Waiting for the Music. Waiting For the Music was something I was writing really as a way to gradually introduce myself to writ- ing, however the story was largely governed by real events which made it difficult for me to express myself.
This story is only very loosely based on fact. No, I did not actually fly to Japan after a long lost sweetheart, but the angle I am putting on this story is something that psychologists tell me will help me to deal with the actual trauma I experienced last year where I lost someone I dearly loved.
I absolutely love feedback. Please submit your feedback, good or bad, lengthy or brief, in Japanese or in English, (although preferably English) to:
sakurakangen@gmail.com
You may also add me on Google Talk or MSN Messenger at the same address. I love talking to you.
Doumo arigatou gozaimashita.
-SK
(written in vi improved 7.1.. beats emacs any day)