DISCLAIMER: The story that follows is a work of fiction. The characters are completely fictional. This is not saying anything about the sexual orientation of the Backstreet Boys.
WARNING: This story deals with homosexual themes. The sex will be light, but it will be present. If this offends you, don't read. If you are under 18 years of age, don't read. If reading this story causes you to break any laws, don't read.
FEEDBACK: This is my first story. So if I'm doing a horrible job, or if you love it, or if you just wanna say hi, email me at Kb79@aol.com and we can chat. Thanks a bunch.
QUICK THANK YOU'S - Thank you to everyone who keeps sending me email for the story, you guys are my reason for writing and thank you to everyone for sending me pictures of Kevin smiling, totally made my day. I'm glad to know he smiles, and does indeed have teeth. :)!!!
QUICK APOLOGY - I answer every email I get, but I accidentally erased one, so who ever it was who didn't get a response from me, I'm very sorry. I feel like a jerk, promise not to do it again.
QUICK COMPLAINT - If you all don't know already Kevin and Brian have proposed to their girlfriends, sigh. As happy as I should be for them, I must be honest; I'm a little bummed. Oh well, guess my fantasies will never come true. Now back to the story...
FIXING THE BACKSTREET BOYS CHAPTER 4
"Will one of you please go and bring him back?" Aidan asked.
"I think that was enough for one day, don't you?" Kevin's voice was strained.
"NO, WE ARE NOT FINISHED!" Aidan was close to screaming. "You do not end a session on that type of note. So someone go get AJ and bring him back to this room, NOW!"
"Okay, okay, I'll got get him. Just quit yelling." Howie offered, as surprised as the rest of them at Aidan's quick temper.
Howie got up and left the room.
"I know you guys aren't used to being told what to do, but if you want this to work, you had better listen to what I say. Try keeping the questioning of my methods to a minimum." Aidan looked a little angry and unnerved.
"Sorry Aidan, AJ got upset, our first concern was for him, not the therapy session." Kevin told him.
"Understandable, but right now what is best for everyone is getting this session done. At some point all of you will get upset. I want you to stay though, do not storm out. If you stay we can work out what it is that is upsetting you. Is that understood by everyone?" Aidan said in a strong tone.
Nick, Brian, and Kevin nodded.
"Good, I will expect you to fill in Howie and AJ on that information, alright?" Aidan asked.
"Okay." Kevin said softly.
Howie walked to AJ's room. He didn't bother to knock. Howie knew his best friends well enough to know the door wouldn't be locked. None of them ever really wanted to be alone when they stormed out of a room. So Howie just let himself into AJ's room. AJ was pacing his room with tears streaming down his face.
"AJ, you okay man?" Howie asked.
"No Howie, I'm not." AJ answered as he stopped pacing.
Howie went over to AJ and put his arms around him.
"Oh, so it's okay for you to hug me now, huh?" AJ said accusingly.
"Come on man, that's not fair. I'm sorry for yesterday, okay? I wasn't being a friend. I'm here now though, and I won't leave this time." Howie tried to make up for his past poor behavior.
"I know, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just so confused right now. Nothing is coming out the way it should." AJ was crying into Howie's shoulder.
"AJ, everything's all fucked up right now. We are all confused but we're trying to work it out." Howie said as he held AJ. "You need to come back to the session, it will help us work all this out."
"NO, I'm not going back in there. I don't ever want to see Brian again." AJ sobbed.
"Why?" Howie was confused.
"WHY? After what he did to me, saying it didn't mean anything and then shacking up with Nick? Brian is a complete asshole. I wish he would just vanish from my life." AJ was hysterical.
"AJ, you know you don't mean that. Brian is one of your best friends, and though it freaks me to all hell to say it, I think you're in love with him. You definitely don't want him out of your life." Howie told AJ. "Plus you know how Nick and Brian are, they were not 'shacking up'."
"I know, it's just that I don't want to love him!" AJ wailed. "It hurts so much!"
Howie didn't know what to tell his younger friend.
All of the sudden AJ calmed a little. "But I do love him." It came out in a serene whisper.
AJ took a deep breath and wiped the tears off his face.
"If I go back and finish the therapy do you think it will help Brian and I work this out?" AJ asked Howie.
"I don't know Bone, I don't see how it could hurt." Howie was a little happier seeing his friend acting more rational.
AJ smiled at being called Bone, no one had called him that in a month.
"Okay let's go back in there then. I think I'm ready." AJ said.
"Don't expect it all to work out in one day AJ, this could take time." Howie warned.
"I know D, I know. Let's go anyway." And with that the two of them headed back to Kevin's room.
Howie opened up Kevin's door and threw an arm around AJ. AJ gave a half smile, took a deep breath, and with all the courage he could muster, he allowed Howie to lead him into the room.
"Good, you two are back, now we can continue with our session." Aidan looked relieved. "We only have 45 minutes before you all need to leave for your rehearsal. I suggest we discuss my findings this morning and end with that. Is that okay with all of you?"
Five heads nodded. AJ and Howie sat down. Everyone looked at one another.
"What I want you to do is talk about you're the feelings you have about what I said earlier. What ran through your head when you heard those things about each other." Aidan continued.
There was a pause.
"Anybody?" Aidan pressed.
"It was kinda frightening to hear about Kevin drinking himself sick." Brian admitted quietly.
"It was frightening Brian?" Aidan asked. "Why was that?"
"Well as much as we hate to admit it, and I think as much as Kevin hates doing it, he takes care of us. Kevin's kinda like our father figure. He's always been in charge. Kev doesn't drink much, and I've never seen him drink a whole bottle of anything. So if he's drinking this heavily something must be bothering him. And it's scary to see the guy who's in charge, the guy who takes care of you, to resort to drinking until he is sick, because he's so upset." Brian spilled it all out.
Kevin lowered his head. Aidan thought he caught a glimpse of tears in his eyes, but he wasn't sure.
"Kevin any response to that?" Aidan asked him.
"There is no need to worry about me." Kevin said a little choked.
"Why can't we worry about you Kev, you do plenty of worrying about us?" Nick asked.
"I can take care of myself, there is no need to worry about me." Kevin said almost incoherently.
"Believe it or not Kevin, we can all take care of ourselves too. We aren't saying all that you do for us doesn't help a whole lot. It's just that we are all now adults, same as you. And if we can accept you worrying about us, you should be able to accept us worrying about you." Howie said softly. "So I have to ask, why did you do it?"
"Why did I do what, drink the whole bottle of tequila?" Kevin choked out.
"Yeah Kevin, that is really unlike you." Brian stated.
Kevin cleared his throat and looked up.
"I don't know. I guess I've been doing it for the passed couple weeks now. I hadn't been able to sleep. So one night at the hotel I went to the bar, I had a couple drinks, and that night I fell asleep with no problems. So I've just done it every night. I fall asleep without having to think through stuff or anything. It usually doesn't take many drinks, but last night I went a little overboard." Kevin said quietly. He looked at everybody; they looked shocked and concerned.
"Why haven't you been able to sleep Kevin?" Aidan asked.
"Stress, I guess." Kevin said.
"Stress from the usual routine of doing your job or stress from the fighting you boys are doing?" Aidan asked.
"I'm not sure, it is close to the end of the tour. So I am pretty fed up with dealing with management, keeping everything in line, making sure everyone is happy, on top of rehearsing, performing, interviews and such. But what's going on inside the group has also been a little much lately." Kevin looked a little ashamed.
"What's wrong, you look embarrassed?" Aidan asked.
"I just hate complaining, I feel stupid. It is my job and all." Kevin was sounding choked up again.
"Everybody gets stressed by their job every once and a while, admitting it isn't complaining, it is being honest. You have no reason to be embarrassed." Aidan tried to console him.
"We have all offered to take on duties so that you don't have to do everything Kev, you just never let us." Howie said.
"Well it's a lot of work, and not much fun. I didn't think you guys would really want to do it." Kevin said looking down at his hands.
"We wouldn't offer if we didn't mean it." Howie stated.
"If all of the work you do is beginning to stress you to the point where the only way you can sleep is when you get drunk I think it may be time to allow the others to take on some responsibilities." Aidan pointed out.
Kevin didn't say anything; he just looked at his hands. He was twisting the silver ring he wore on his thumb around and around.
"It's just something to think about. I do think that you should attempt going to sleep tonight without the assistance of an alcoholic haze." Aidan said.
"I'll think about and I'll try." Kevin said very softly.
"Good, well we have discussed Kevin's morning. What else does everyone have to say?" Aidan asked the group.
"When did Mia start touring with us again AJ?" Nick asked.
"She never stopped. I just haven't had to take her out of my bag in years." AJ said.
"Who is Mia?" Aidan asked.
"Mia is AJ's stuffed panda. When we first started touring we used to bust on him all the time for still sleeping with a stuffed animal. I hadn't seen it in so long, that I almost forgot she existed until you said this morning you found AJ wrapped around her." Nick said.
"So you normally don't sleep with this panda AJ?" Aidan asked.
"Nah, like four years ago I kicked the habit, but for the passed couple nights I just needed something to..." AJ's voice trailed off.
"Needed something to? Something to what?" Aidan pressed.
"Something to help me make it through the night, bury my face in, cling to, is that what you want to hear?" AJ sounded a little pissed off, probably due to embarrassment
"Don't get angry, it's alright, everyone needs a security blanket sometimes, there is nothing wrong with that." Aidan reassured.
AJ just shrugged.
"I need to ask a question." Aidan said changing the subject. "Do you boys have a habit of sharing beds?"
Everyone shot each other guilty looks.
"I'll take that as a yes." Aidan sighed; this was a little odd. "Are Brian and Nick a couple?"
"NO!!!" Brian and Nick yelled.
Aidan looked confused.
"Why would you think that?" Howie asked.
"I found the two of them in bed together, I sort of assumed. And then when AJ stormed off when I told every one I figured that the two of them being together might be the subject causing the turmoil in the group. Was I wrong?" Aidan asked.
"Hell yes! I was up late talking to Brian last night and ended up falling asleep there. That's all that was." Nick was a little shocked.
"I found the two of you spooning, it isn't a common practice between two friends." Aidan pointed out.
"I was holding him while he cried, we fell asleep. It wasn't on purpose; it just kinda ended up that way. We are best friends, there is nothing more there." Nick's voice had a lot of emphasis in it. "You jumped to conclusions."
"Obviously I did. I'm sorry for that." Aidan said. "But that doesn't explain why AJ stormed out before."
Kevin, Nick, and Howie sighed.
"Well, what was that about?" Aidan asked.
Kevin looked at his watch.
"Damn, look at the time, we only have a short time until rehearsal. We still all need to get ready. We better get to our rooms." Kevin said quickly.
"Wait a second, we are not done here." Aidan shouted.
"Sorry Aidan but if we are late for rehearsal management will have our heads." Kevin said as he began to usher everyone out of his room.
"I'll let it go this time, but I expect you to be on time for our sessions also, and I will not let you leave early again." Aidan was angry.
"We promise, we just need to get ready." Kevin promised.
"Well, I'm supposed to go to your rehearsal and observe. Where should I wait until then?" Aidan asked sharply.
"I'm already ready to go, so you can wait in here with me." Kevin offered.
The boys all went to their rooms to get ready for rehearsal.
"I don't appreciate what you did just now Kevin." Aidan said.
Kevin sighed for what felt like the ten thousandth time that day.
"Listen I said I was sorry, but we do need to get to rehearsal on time." Kevin tried to explain.
"You still had 20 minutes. We could have finished up that one thought in a few minutes and still had made it. You shouldn't have closed the session, that's my job, no one else's." Aidan was still angry.
"You know what, for a guy who is supposed to be such a great therapist, you don't have much of a clue." Kevin turned on him.
"What the hell do you mean by that?!?" Aidan stood up.
"Did you see the looks on everyone's faces? It's obviously a touchy subject. There was no way that we could be finished discussing it in a few minutes. It would take more like a few weeks. Every time it comes up the four of them start crying and we all start arguing. We have rehearsal to get to, so I didn't give a shit how important the session was. We needed to get there without having a huge scene 5 minutes behind us. Now do YOU understand me!" Kevin was using his I'm in charge, don't you dare forget it voice.
Aidan just looked at him.
"Fuck you, I'm going to make sure the boys are all ready. If you are coming with us go wait in the lobby of the hotel. We'll be down in five minutes." Kevin walked out of his room and slammed the door.
'Now what the hell was that all about?' Aidan thought to himself. 'What's with Kevin?'
Aidan walked out of the room just in time to see Kevin walk into Brian's room. He started to head toward the elevator so he could go wait in the lobby. He reached the lobby fairly quickly.
'If it isn't Brian and Nick causing all the trouble, then what is it? And what was it that Kevin said would take weeks to talk through? This was so confusing. And what was Kevin talking about when he said that it always caused the other four boys to cry. It didn't cause Kevin to cry? Could it be that Kevin was the cause of all the problems? No that didn't make sense. Then why would AJ be getting so upset? These boys were so fucked up. Nothing they have done so far has made any sense. I have so much work to do.' Aidan's mind was in turmoil.
"Kevin, what's wrong? You look so pissed off." Brian said once he had answered the door and saw Kevin standing there.
"It's Aidan, he doesn't know when to quit. He is either completely brainless, or completely insensitive. Anyone could have seen that getting into that topic would have been a long hard process. I can't believe he thought we could have talked it through in a few minutes. He is really starting to piss me off and his over-bearing controlling behavior is not what we need." Kevin spilled.
"Does he know?" Brian asked.
"I don't think so, he seems so sure of himself, but I believe he really doesn't have a clue." Kevin told him. "I don't think I want him around us anymore."
"You already know we don't have a choice. Does he really bother you that much?" Brian asked.
"He thinks he can boss us the fuck around. No one does that." Kevin said angrily.
"Well somebody does that." Brian said with a small twinkle in his eye.
"What?" Kevin looked confused.
"Come on Kevin, you always tell us what to do. We don't mind so much, of course. You keep us in line. But I think the reason you are so 'unhappy' with Aidan is because he's doing what you usually do. I don't think you like the competition." Brian smiled.
"You can't possibly tell me I'm that much of a pain in the ass." Kevin shot Brian an exasperated look.
"Okay, maybe your not that bad, but you do have your moments." Brian had a joking look in his eyes. He gave his cousin a hug so that he knew he wasn't trying to hurt his feelings.
"But I love you guys, and that's why I act the way I do. But you guys know that. One quick question before we need to go downstairs, how are you doing?" Kevin said smiling back at his cousin.
"That's a quick question? Just kidding, I don't know Kev; I'm just really confused right now. I have really fucked up this time." Brian said losing his smile.
"Do you want to be with him?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah, I think I do." Brian answered quietly.
"Then it will work out." Kevin said matter a factly.
"How do you know that?" Brian asked.
"I'm Kevin, I know everything." Kevin said hoping to get a smile out of his cousin again.
Brian gave a half smile. "Let's get going, I think I just heard some doors open and close."
"Okay." Kevin opened the door and the two of them headed for the lobby.
Everyone else was there already. The six young men filed into the limo without an incident. The ride over to the stadium for rehearsal was silent. Emotions were still high and it was obvious everyone was lost in their own heads thinking. They made it to the stadium with moments to spare. The boys ran to the stage knowing Fatima would be waiting for them to get there. They conveniently forgot Aidan, knowing he had no idea where he was going. Aidan wandered around, angry that he had been left behind.
"Those little shits, leaving me to my own defenses like this. Are they so self absorbed as to forget someone doesn't have a fucking clue where he is." Aidan voiced to no one but himself.
"Dr. Connor." Aidan suddenly heard someone call out his name. He turned to see the Boys' manager walking up to him.
"So how is it going?" The manager asked Aidan.
"Well I have already found out a lot from the boys, unfortunately what I see and what they say completely contradict each other. They seem to have a real problem with authority and aren't very cooperative." Aidan told him.
"Really?" The man sounded surprised. "That doesn't sound like my boys at all. I wonder why they are acting like that. Do you want me to talk to them? I have a short time before I need to go back to Orlando. I could sit them down to a chat about how they should treat people who are trying to help them."
"No! Don't do that. I want them to be themselves. I don't want them to be forced to act any certain way toward me. I can handle it, hostility is expected in the beginning. I was just a little surprised and all. Everyone always says what sweet, kind boys they are and all." Aidan told him.
"Well whatever it is that they are fighting about must really be taking a toll on their behavior. Anything to fill me in about?" The manager asked.
"I don't think I should say anything yet, until I have anything more concrete." Aidan said.
"Honey, we need to get going if we are going to catch our plane." A fairly attractive woman walked up and planted a kiss on the manager's cheek. She was obviously a wife or girlfriend.
"Okay darling, sorry Dr. Connor, but I must go. I'll stay in contact with you okay?" He said.
"No problem. Just one thing quick, where are the boys? They left me behind and I haven't been able to locate them." Aidan questioned.
Aidan was pointed in the right direction. He said goodbye to the older man and woman and left to watch the boys rehearse for tonight's concert.
When he found them, a pretty woman with an amazing body was yelling at them. She was demonstrating a dance step and the boys were attempting to copy it.
"What is with you? This is an extremely simple step; you've done it a thousand times. What exactly is your problem?" The lady asked. "All you have to do is follow the first man and then 2 beats later the second two do it, and then 2 beats after that the last two."
"I'm following Kevin Fatima, he just isn't starting on the right beat. It's messing me up." AJ said.
"I'm starting on the correct beat, you just can't count to two." Kevin was already tired.
"Fuck you, I can count to two, you're just starting on three." AJ shot back at him.
"No AJ, he is starting on two, you're the one behind a beat." Fatima said.
"See AJ, it isn't me, it's you." Dance rehearsal was one of the few times Kevin had the tendency to sound juvenile.
Tears welled up in AJ's eyes. "Well fuck you Kevin. Fuck you to hell." The tears started to fall so he went running off stage.
"AJ get back here." Kevin yelled. "We still need to rehearse."
"Let him go and have a minute." Fatima said. "We can work without him for a little bit."
The boys went back to work under Fatima's direction. AJ had found a quiet corner to cry in. Aidan had seen him run off and decided to follow him because no else seemed to care.
"Hey AJ, you okay?" Aidan asked.
"Do you know how many times I've been asked that question recently?" AJ asked without looking up.
"My best guess is 347 times." Aidan said.
"You have no idea how close you are." AJ said back.
Aidan gave him a smile. "Do you want me to sit with you for a while?"
"Hey, if you like the sound of tears be my guest." AJ said.
"What happened up there? I mean I saw it and all, but what really happened?" Aidan asked him. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small packet of tissues. He took one out and handed it to AJ.
"Thanks man, talk about being prepared." AJ took the tissue and used it to wipe his face.
"Comes with being a therapist, always have tissues on you at all times." Aidan smiled again.
"You asked me a question didn't you? Oh yeah, what happened. Kevin's just being a prick that's all and I'm not in the mood to be picked on." AJ explained.
"Why aren't you in the mood?" Aidan asked.
AJ shot him a 'duh' look.
"I know you boys are fighting and I know that it makes you all upset. But what I want to know is why you, AJ, are upset. What is it that's bothering you, effecting your mood?" Aidan asked.
AJ looked down at his hands, fiddling with the tissue. 'Should I tell him the truth? He must be totally confused by now. Maybe if I tell him the truth he can get to the bottom of all of this quicker.'
AJ looked up at Aidan. "I've got a broken heart." He said quietly.
Aidan visibly softened at that comment.
"Does that have anything to do with the fighting?" Aidan asked, hoping it would give him some more information.
AJ nodded slowly.
"Has someone in the group broke your heart?" Aidan asked.
AJ was motionless for a moment. Then he slowly nodded his head again.
"From what I saw it must either be Nick or Brian. Am I right?" Aidan was extremely happy; he was making a break through on this case.
"Yeah it's..." AJ began to say.
Right then Nick came running and grabbed AJ.
"Come on man, Fatima says you've had enough alone time; you need to get back to rehearsal." Nick told AJ. He was pulling him back toward the stage.
"But I was, ugh never mind, sorry Aidan." AJ allowed himself to get dragged as he shot an apologetic look over his shoulder at Aidan.
'Fucking shit, every time I get close to an answer I get an interruption. Does this group have this all planned out so that I won't learn a damn thing?' Aidan was angry again. 'At least AJ is opening up to me a little more.'
The rest of the rehearsal went fairly smoothly. Kevin picked on Nick whenever he messed up, so Nick just made fun of his lack of singing talent. After the 8th or 9th time of Nick telling Kevin there was a reason he was the only one without any singing solos, Fatima decided to end for the day. She figured that if they didn't have it by now they never would. They were actually doing fine, by nearly anyone's standards. Fatima however saw every teeny-weeny little mistake, and it made her want to scream. Howie had it perfectly; he always did, being a perfectionist and all. Kevin and AJ were still messing up that one part, but who would really notice. Brian and Nick had it, but there was that small bit of attitude the dance needed still missing. Oh well, it's not as if their fans noticed shit like that. So Fatima let them go back to the hotel for a little while to rest before the night's concert.
"Okay, guys we need to head back to the hotel." Kevin told the guys. "And don't even think about goofing off or going to sleep. You all need to pack your stuff. We are on the bus for the next two nights."
There was a collective groan from the other four.
"Does anyone else notice the minute Fatima or anybody relinquishes control of us, Kevin immediately takes over again?" Nick asked laughing.
"I have no idea what you mean Frack. Whatever are you talking about?" Brian joked, walking over to Kevin and messing his hair.
"Be careful Brian, if you don't behave he may punish you. You don't want him to attempt singing to you or something. He could shatter your eardrums without the rest of us covering for him." Nick was really cracking up now.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Kevin reached over, grabbed Nick by the collar of his shirt, and slammed him up against the wall.
"SHIT, Kevin put him down NOW!" Howie ran over and tried to stop Kevin before he could hurt Nick.
Kevin stopped and looked at what he was doing. He immediately let Nick down. "Nick, shit, I'm sorry..." And then he ran off.
Nick just sat there attempting to catch his breath. Brian and AJ ran off after Kevin.
"Nick, are you alright?" Howie asked.
"Yeah, no physical harm, just scared shitless." Nick said as a tear or two slipped down his cheek. "Thanks for bringing him back to reality, I have no idea what he would have done if you hadn't stepped in."
Howie gave Nick a hug. "No prob bud, who knew it was possible to push Kevin too far?" He brushed a tear off Nick's face and pushed his hair back in place. (Random rhyme)
"Yeah, whatever happened to friendly joking?" Nick asked.
"You were being a little rough on him, nobody likes to hear they have no talent, especially when you have points to back it up." Howie told him.
"I joke with him like that all the time, usually he gives me back as many insults as I give him." Nick tried to explain.
"Yeah, well something is bothering him, guess he couldn't take the abuse this time." Howie said.
"Kevin's under a lot of stress. He said so himself. It was only a matter of time before he snapped." Aidan walked up and startled Nick and Howie. "You okay Nick?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, just shocked." Nick let go of Howie's hug and stood up.
"What did you expect, you guys keep piling more and more on Kevin's shoulders, after a while something's going to break. This time it was his control of his rage. A very dangerous thing. I take it he doesn't do stuff like that often?" Aidan said.
"No, not at all. None of us are ever very violent. I can't even remember a time when one of us hit someone, especially not one of the group." Howie said.
"Kevin probably didn't mean it then. It was an emotional reaction, something he couldn't control. I bet he feels really bad about it right now. Do you want to go see how he is?" Aidan asked.
"Yeah, he's probably wanting to say sorry." Nick said with a smile.
"So you're not mad at him?" Howie asked.
"Nah, Aidan and you are right. We put too much on his shoulders and I was picking on him too much. It really was my fault. I should apologize also." Nick admitted.
"Very mature of you Nick, guess the rumors aren't true." Aidan said with a smile.
"What rumors?" Nick said as the three of them headed toward the exit.
"The rumors that you act like a 7 year old all the time and don't have a clue in your head." Aidan was laughing.
"WHAT!?!" Nick exclaimed.
"Just kidding. Got you though." Aidan joked.
"Haha, real funny. Leave the little guy alone." Nick pretended to pout.
"Uh-oh. I think someone needs a nap." Howie was laughing too.
The three of them laughed together as they reached the door.
They saw AJ and Brian talking to the limo. At least that is what it looked like.
"What's wrong guys?" Howie asked.
"Kevin has locked himself in the limo and won't let us in." Brian whined.
"Where's the limo driver? He'll let us in." Nick offered.
"He went to use the bathroom, he said he'd be right back." AJ said.
"Was that before or after Kevin locked himself in?" Aidan asked.
"We ran into him on the way out, we didn't know Kevin had done this yet. Otherwise we would have gotten the keys from him." Brian explained.
"No prob guys, he said he'd be right back. Give Kevin a second alone. Then we can talk to him." Aidan said.
The boys sat back and waited. They could hear Kevin moving around inside the limo. About 3 minutes later the limo driver came out and opened the doors. Kevin was inside with a glass of something-light gold in his hand. His eyes were red and he was shaking. Everyone got into the limo. Aidan took the glass out of his hand.
"Hey give that back." Kevin said half-heartedly. He knew he wasn't getting it back.
"No, I'm not going to let you drink your problems away, and neither are your friends." Aidan explained.
"Kevin I'm sorry I was being such an asshole. I took the joke to far, I owe you an apology." Nick said sitting next to Kevin.
"You owe me an apology? I think it's the other way around. I need to apologize to you. Shit, I fucking flung you up against a wall. I could have really hurt you. I'm really sorry Nicky." Kevin's eyes were getting redder. The guys were wondering if they were actually going to see Kevin cry for once.
"Kev you didn't hurt me. You only scared me. It wasn't your fault, I pushed you to far." Nick leaned over to give Kevin a hug.
Kevin accepted the hug and let Nick hold him. It was an odd feeling. Kevin was usually hugging one of them. It was weird to be the one being comforted. The sensation he felt reminded him of what Nick said to him last night, 'safe and loved'. He buried his head in Nick shoulder and just let someone take care of him for once.
"Are you really okay? I didn't hurt you?" Kevin asked as he lifted his head. Everyone expected to see tears on his face, but there were none there.
"No, like I said you only scared me. I didn't know it was possible to push you too far. But now I know; I won't do it again. I promise." Nick said as he held his friend.
Aidan was smiling broadly.
"What's with you?" Howie asked.
"Nothing, I'm just happy that's all." Aidan asked, still grinning.
"Happy? What does the image of one of being vulnerable get you all warm inside?" Howie sounded a little hostile.
"No, no nothing like that. It's just that you guys have made a breakthrough." Aidan announced.
"A breakthrough?" Kevin questioned from where he sat with Nick.
"Yes Kevin, a breakthrough, especially you. Do you realize what you just did?" Aidan asked excitedly.
"Obviously not, otherwise we wouldn't be questioning you." Nick stated.
"Well Kevin, you just let someone else take control. You let your guard down. You were upset, and instead of drinking or bottling it up, you let Nick comfort you. It's an extremely big step. You should be proud of yourself." Aidan was smiling so big he looked like a clown.
Kevin lowered his head back into Nick's shoulder. It didn't feel like a 'breakthrough'. It felt like, like, well like something he wasn't at all used to.
"Don't be ashamed. I assure you it is a good thing. Two big steps in one day. I'm beginning to think there is hope for you five after all." Aidan said.
"Two big steps? What was the other?" Brian asked.
"Well, AJ finally admitted that part of the problems you guys are having has to do with one of you breaking his heart." Aidan announced.
"You did what AJ?" Brian asked. "Tell me you are kidding."
"No, I'm not kidding. He didn't come out straight and say it, but he didn't deny it when I was questioning him." Aidan continued. "Are you saying that it has nothing to do with what's going on here?"
"Well his broken heart isn't exactly the problem, but how he got one is." Howie admitted.
"Do you think you all would like to fill me in on the story now?" Aidan inquired.
"Ugh." Was the muffled sound coming from Kevin, who was still buried in Nick's shoulder.
"What's wrong Kevin?" Aidan asked.
Kevin lifted his head. "Do we need to talk about this now, if we promised to tell you everything, would you let us hold off until after the concert?"
"You'll tell me everything?" Aidan looked around at everyone.
They all looked at each other. They shrugged and then nodded.
"Yeah, we'll give you the story. But after the concert." Howie said.
"Okay, that's acceptable. Should we meet in someone's hotel room after the show?" Aidan asked.
"We can't, it's back to the bus for us, just meet us there." Nick said.
"Oh yeah, but I'm not traveling on the same bus as you though." Aidan said.
"Well there's plenty of room. You can either crash in there or we'll make the buses stop when we're done." Howie offered.
"Are you boys sure that's alright? I don't want to invade personal space." Aidan said.
"You can ask us if we have the habit of sharing beds, but you're worried that coming on our bus will be to personal. Wow talk about an odd though pattern." Nick joked.
Aidan laughed. "Okay, I get it. So I'll meet you guys on your bus after the concert."
"Cool, just give us time to clean up afterward and all. Are you coming to the concert?" Howie asked.
"If it's alright with you guys I am. I would love to have a chance to see you guys perform." Aidan said.
"Of course you can, sheesh, why wouldn't you get to?" Nick said.
"I have no idea." Aidan said smiling.
"It'll make ya a fan, just warning you. No one walks away from one of our concerts without being in love with us." Nick joked.
"I'll chance it." Aidan said, still smiling.
Everyone made it to the hotel without any problems. The boys went up to pack their things so they could deposit it on the bus before they went to the concert. Aidan went in search of a private lounge or conference room where he could do some work while the boys were busy. When the boys were done packing they met in Nick's room to discuss some things.
"Are we really going to give Aidan the whole story tonight?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, we're gonna tell him. We ain't hiding anything anymore. This is all going to get worked out and Aidan is going to help us do it." Howie said.
"You just sounded like Kevin." AJ accused him.
"Hey I would never say ain't." Kevin said, still sounding a little weak.
"Excuse me Mr. Richardson, didn't mean to do a bad imitation." Howie joked.
"Well Mr. Dorough, who said you could have my job? I thought I was Daddy?" Kevin said smiling.
"Well, Daddy, the four of us talked before you got here, you're getting a break. I'll be giving the orders for the rest of the tour." Howie was grinning, trying to make this easier on Kevin.
"Oh, so for the next 2 and a half days you're gonna do my job. Okay, that should be long enough for you to decide you never want to do it again." Luckily Kevin was still smiling. "But if you think you're up to it, be my guest. Everyone's right. I could use a break."
"I can do it. I couldn't have learned from a better drill sargent." Howie joked.
"HAHAHA, so funny. All I gotta say is good luck." Kevin snickered.
All the boys were laughing by now. Howie went over to give Kevin a hug. Kevin returned it and gave him a noogie.
"Group Hug!" Nick yelled.
They all ran toward each other and almost knocked each other to the ground. They were all sitting on the ground; trying to catch their breath when there was a knock on the door.
"Guys you have an hour and a half. You almost done?" Their tour coordinator's voice said through the door.
"Yeah we're all packed. We're just hanging out." Nick yelled back.
"Good, I'll send someone up when it's time." The voice said again.
"Wow, we have some free time. When was the last time we were ready this early?" Nick said.
"July 22, 1995, 7:30 PM, if I remember correctly." Brian said. "Whatever are we going to do?"
"I suggest taking a nap. We probably could all use one before the show tonight." Howie offered.
"Good idea, everyone agree?" Brian asked.
"Yeah." Nick said.
There was no response from Kevin and AJ. The other three turned to see why. It was quite obvious. They were both passed out on the bed.
"Well, I don't think they disagree. Talk about taking a suggestion to heart." Nick smiled. "Now where am I gonna sleep?"
"With the beds they give us in these hotels, we could all sleep in one bed and be comfortable." Brian said.
"Point taken." Nick said as he attempted to lie down in between AJ and Kevin without waking either of them up. It worked, and Brian was right, there was still plenty of room. "Why don't you guys just stay here, that way there will be no problems getting everyone up when the time comes."
"Hey, why not?" Howie said as he laid down behind Kevin.
"I think I'm going back to my own room." Brian said.
"Why? Stay here with us." Nick said.
"There's no room left." Brian said softly.
"There's plenty of room next to AJ." Nick said. "Oh, opps, sorry."
"Brian, it's okay, nothing's gonna happen. He's already asleep. Just get in." Howie commanded.
"Okay, what else do I have to lose?" Brian said. He climbed onto the bed next to AJ. Within moments they were all fast asleep.
About an hour later Kevin woke up. He was a little confused about where he was. He looked around and saw that all of his bandmates were curled up in Nick's bed.
'Sheesh, sometimes we are just to damn cute. It's a little sickening.'
He could barely move. Nick's head was smushed into his chest and Howie's back was right up against his. He looked to his left and saw AJ had his stomach up against Nick's back with his arm around Nick's waist. Brian was in the same position, just right behind AJ.
'Wouldn't this make a great cover for Rolling Stone, way better than us with our pants down.'
Kevin attempted to stifle a giggle. He needed to pee; so he wiggled his way off the bed and left the little snuggle- fest for the bathroom. When he got back Nick and Howie were awake and grinning like idiots. He mouthed 'What's up with you two?' while raising his hands in the air in that 'huh?' motion. The two of them very quietly got off the bed and motioned to AJ and Brian.
AJ had turned over in his sleep. Brian had innocently snuggled up to him and had laid his head on AJ's chest. They were holding each other lightly. They were both still fast asleep and most likely had no idea what was going on.
Kevin headed for the door and motioned for Nick and Howie to join him. They followed. The three of them headed off to Howie's room.
"That was so cute." Nick said as soon as they were in the room.
"Yeah, still weird, but cute." Howie said.
"How did we all end up asleep on your bed Nick?" Kevin asked.
Nick filled him in on what happened.
"Happy accident, wouldn't you say?" Kevin answered after receiving the info.
"Think they'll be mad when they wake up?" Howie asked.
"Who knows? But now they can't deny it anymore, the truth always come out in your sleep." Kevin said smiling.
"Come on lets get everyone's stuff out of my room and the three others before they wake up." Howie suggested.
The three boys moved the bags out of Kevin, Brian, AJ, and Howie's rooms and put them in the hallway. They checked the rooms to make sure nothing had been left behind. When they were sure the rooms were all clear they called down to the front desk and asked to have someone come pick them up in 15 minutes. Then they tried to decide whether they should wake Brian and AJ up in person or just knock on the door.
"We might embarrass them if we are all standing there when they wake up." Kevin said.
"Yeah, but how often does one of wake up to a knock on the door?" Nick responded.
"Well, we gotta do somethin' we've only got 15 minutes." Howie said.
Little did Nick, Howie, and Kevin know, but AJ and Brian had just woken up.
"What the hell?" AJ said groggily as he noticed the head resting on his chest and the arms around him.
"Huh?" The sleepy voice lying next to him said.
"Brian, what the hell are you doing?" AJ asked his head clearing of sleep.
"Sleeping, what are you doing?" Brian asked, to tired to notice the confusion and anger in AJ's voice.
"Yeah, but why are you sleeping with me?" AJ asked letting a little more anger be heard in his voice.
"Nick told me to." Brian said as he tried to snuggle closer to AJ.
"Brian, wake the fuck up and realize what you are doing." AJ's voice was raised a few decibels.
That woke Brian up. He looked up at AJ's face and realized they were in each other's arms.
"Oh shit, I knew this wasn't a good idea." Brian said.
"You knew what wasn't a good idea?" AJ asked.
"Me sleeping next to you. Nick and Howie said there would be no problems and I stupidly listened." Brian said softly.
"Nick and Howie told you to get in bed with me?" AJ asked.
"Yeah, you and Kev had already fallen asleep in Nick's bed, so Nick and Howie decided we should all just crash in here. The only spot left was next to you. I hadn't planned on this happening." Brian explained.
"Obviously not. I know how opposed you are to the two of us." AJ shot. "You must have been forced if you're lying this close to me."
Brian looked hurt. "Yeah forced, that's it." He mumbled.
"Good, I'd hate to think you were enjoying this or anything." AJ sneered. "Cause I'm sure not."
"Of course not, you know how I feel. I don't want anything between the two of us." Brian tried to sound convincing. AJ's words hurt very badly.
AJ winced. "Yeah, I know. You've made it loud and clear." It hurt so much to hear Brian say that.
"Good." Brian said.
"Good." AJ responded.
They looked at each other. Their eyes softened.
"Then why are we still holding each other like this?" They both asked in a whisper.
'Cause I love you Brian.' AJ thought.
'Because I'm in love with you AJ.' Brian thought.
They both closed their eyes, leaned in, and gave each other a soft sweet kiss on the lips. When they were done they both opened their eyes. They released each other from the embrace and sat up, not sure what to say. After a moment or two of silence they looked at each other again. They were both crying. They reached toward each other for a hug.
"AJ, Brian, you guys awake?" Kevin asked as he peered around the door.
He saw the two of them holding on to each other crying softly. He walked in.
"You two okay?" Kevin asked as he sat down on the bed next to them.
They both shrugged their shoulders. Kevin pulled them in so he had a crying boy on each shoulder. The three of them sat there for a few seconds.
"Come on guys, the people from the hotel are here to take down the bags. We need to clear out Nick's room." Howie's voice said from outside.
"Do you need to talk about it now, or can it wait until tonight?" Kevin asked AJ and Brian.
"It can wait." AJ said.
"Yeah, we know we have to get out of here." Brian admitted.
"Okay, if you are sure. Go wash your faces with some cold water. Nick, Howie, and I will clear out this room. We have already gotten yours for you." Kevin told them.
"Thanks Kev, for everything." Brian and AJ said. They hugged Kevin and then went into the bathroom.
Kevin went into the hallway to get Nick and Howie.
"What happened, were they alright in there?" Nick asked.
"I found them hugging each other and crying, so something happened. I'm just not sure what." Kevin told them. "They are cleaning up, so let's clear out the room."
"Okay. Did they say they needed to talk to us?" Howie asked as they began moving Nick's suitcases.
"Yeah, but they said it could wait to later." Kevin told them.
Just then AJ and Brian came out of the bathroom. They both looked flustered.
"Everybody ready to go?" Howie asked.
Four heads nodded.
"Okay, the limo should be waiting. Let's head to the concert." Howie instructed.
The boys tipped the bellboys who were dealing with the luggage and then left the hotel. The limo was indeed waiting and so was Aidan who was sitting inside it.
"Everything alright guys?" Aidan asked noticing the red eyes of AJ and Brian.
"Yeah, for now everything's good. But I think we're all ready to do some talking tonight." Howie answered for them all.
Everyone else nodded.
"Okay, good. No problems with that." Aidan said.
"Did you get your work done?" Kevin asked Aidan.
"Yes I did, thanks for asking. Got to take a little siesta also. Never thought it be so tiring following you guys around." Aidan said with a laugh.
That got a laugh from the boys.
"Oh, you don't know the half of it." Kevin said with a crooked grin.
They made it to the stadium where the concert was being held with no problems. The boys went through the usual sound checks, hair and make-up, costumes, and warm-ups. Their opening act was just finishing up so they did their usual pre-show preparation, hugs, prayers, and all.
The concert went as they always did, hundreds of screaming fans and the boys doing their best. The concerts in the past month hadn't been their best ones, but tonight things went a little better. They had changed the line-up of songs. Usually they did a mix of fast and slow songs, but due to the lack of energy the boys have been experiencing they had done all of their fast songs first and closed the concert with their slower ones. They had chosen Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely and I'll Never Break Your Heart as their finale and encore songs.
They all thanked the crowd for being there tonight and said that they hoped to see them all the next time they were in town. They announced that this was their final song of the evening and began to sing.
'Show me the meaning of being lonely. So many words for the broken heart. It's hard to see in a crimson love. So hard to breathe. Walk with me and maybe...'
Everyone would have to congratulate AJ, he made it until the final verse before he started to cry.
'There's no where to run. I have no place to go. Surrender my heart, body, and soul. How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show.'
The audience didn't appear to notice. No fan was ever lucky enough to be close enough to see the difference between sweat and tears. Even if the cameramen showed a close up of him on the big screen, it was still hard to tell the difference. The boys finished the song and left the stage. As always there was screams for more. After about 5 minutes of the audience begging, the boys went back on stage, this time out of costume and in their own clothes.
Brian went to the microphone and spoke to the audience. "I want to dedicate this encore to a very special person. They know who they are and I want them to know how I feel."
The audience ooh'd and aah'd wondering who the lucky girl was.
Brian looked at his bandmates and held up a hand indicating he was going to do this song by himself.
He began Kevin's spoken intro. "Baby I know you're hurting, right now you feel like you could never love again. Now all I ask is for a chance, to prove that I love you."
Then he began to sing. 'From the first day that I saw your smiling face, honey I hoped that we would be together forever, ooh."
"When they all found out, you said no, but I kicked you out. Darlin' I know you've been hurt, you think that you'll never love again"
"I deserve another try honey, just one more, give me another chance and I'll prove I was wrong. When they walked in, so quick to judge, but honey you've got to believe me."
Brian motioned for the rest of the guys to join in and sing the chorus.
Five emotion filled voices sang "I'll never break your heart, I'll never make you cry, I'd rather die than live without you, I'll give you all of me, honey that's no lie."
Brian began again. "As time goes by, it'll work out, you and me, we'll make it all better. Hey that's the way love goes, and I know we're afraid to let our feelings show and I understand, but be brave, we can't let go."
"I deserve another try honey, just one more, give me another chance and I'll prove I was wrong. When they walked in, so quick to judge, but honey you've got to believe me."
All five of them finished up the chorus. Barely a dozen fans noticed the change in the lyrics due to the fact that the audience was signing the regular lyrics as loud as they could. And even less concert-goers noticed the tears flowing down the five faces as the Backstreet Boys left the stage. Actually the only one who seemed to really notice was Aidan. He was standing in the wings with tears streaming down his own face. He thought about following the boys into the dressing room, but decided to compose himself and wait for the boys in their bus.
Once backstage Kevin turned to Brian. "When did you have time to change the lyrics to that song?"
"It just came to me while we were on stage. I hope you guys aren't mad." Brian said through his tears.
"No, not at all, it was absolutely beautiful." Nick said as he wiped his face with a towel.
"Yeah, whoever evoked that much emotion in you is a very lucky man." Howie said with a small smile as a reminder to AJ.
They were all to worked up to say much more, so they headed toward the showers. AJ hung back for a second and stopped Brian before he left the room.
"That was for me." AJ half asked, half said.
"Yeah." Brian said softly. He then walked back a step and sat down on the dressing room couch.
AJ sat down next to him. "It was beautiful, that song has never said so much."
"It was what I was feeling." Brian answered.
"I can see that. Do you really think we have a chance?" AJ asked him.
Brian nodded and then leaned over to kiss AJ. AJ kissed him back. It was different from the past kisses they had shared. This one wasn't a quick peck, it lasted for a few minutes and involved a little more movement. Brian slowly touched his tongue to AJ's bottom lip and began to stroke it lightly. AJ sat back in surprise. Then he got up, grabbed his towel, and headed for the shower.
"Damn, what have I done this time?" Brian whispered.
Okay, that's it for now. Whew, longest thing I have ever written in my life. I've got so many ideas in my head right now, that the next one shouldn't take to long. Hope you all enjoyed it. Later