BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING, GIVE ANY WARNINGS OR SUCH, I JUST WANT TO SAY A HUGE I'M SORRY!!! I KNOW THIS HAS TAKEN WAY TO LONG TO GET OUT! I HAVE NEVER HAD SUCH TROUBLE WRITING A CHAPTER. IT WAS A LONG PAINFUL PROCESS. IT WAS PART COLLEGE STUDENT LAZINESS, BUT MOSTLY SEVERE TROUBLE GETTING THE WORDS ON PAPER. SO AGAIN I SAY I'M SORRY AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO WAITED PATIENTLY AND ACTUALLY CARED WHETHER OR NOT THERE WOULD BE A NEXT CHAPTER.
DISCLAIMER: The story that follows is a work of fiction. The characters are completely fictional. This is not saying anything about the sexual orientation of the Backstreet Boys.
WARNING: This story deals with homosexual themes. The sex will be light, but it will be present. If this offends you, don't read. If you are under 18 years of age, don't read. If reading this story causes you to break any laws, don't read.
FEEDBACK: This is my first story. So if I'm doing a horrible job, or if you love it, or if you just wanna say hi, email me at Kb79@aol.com and we can chat. Thanks a bunch.
QUICK THANK YOU'S - Thank you to everyone who keeps sending me email for the story, you all don't know how much it helps.
QUICK QUESTION - Hi everyone, I'm posing a quick question. I saw AJ on MTV news the other day, he looked like the AJ I know and love, and it said AJ McLean on the screen, BUT for some reason he was speaking with an English accent. Any clues? Has he caught Madonna syndrome? Any help will be much-obliged thanx!
FIXING THE BACKSTREET BOYS CHAPTER 6
"Hey Aidan, everything okay man?" Howie said as he stepped into the living area of the bus.
"FINE, Everything is fine!" Aidan yelled from the shower.
"Okay... gonna get some breakfast, come join us when you're done." Howie said, sounding a little confused.
"Okay." Was all that Aidan said as he shivered under the cold water.
Aidan spent 20 minutes in the shower before the intense feelings from the dream began to subside. He got out of the shower to realize he had dashed into the bathroom without bringing any clothes to change into. Aidan popped his head out of the door to check to see if anyone was in the living area. No one was out there and he heard the boys in the small kitchen area on the bus. He quickly sprinted to his suitcase, which he had placed next to the couch the night before. He grabbed the necessities and a new set of clothing. Aidan sprinted back into the bathroom and finished getting ready. He emerged minutes later, put his stuff away, and went to join the boys in the kitchen.
In the closet sized kitchen the five boys had crammed themselves around the tiny table and were busy shoveling large bowls of cereal into their mouths.
"Good morning guys, how is everyone doing?" Aidan asked as he stood in the doorway.
They all looked up from their bowls.
AJ swallowed the quickest. "Doin' good." He said with a smile. "How are you? Sleep well?"
"Pretty well, thank you." Aidan replied.
Kevin attempted to move over a little on the bench at the table.
"Have a seat, I think you can fit, cereal is on the table, milk's in the fridge, and there are bowls and spoons on the counter." Kevin told him, deciding to be civil to Aidan.
"Great, thanks." Aidan said a little surprised, as he fixed himself a bowl of cereal and wedged himself into the small space next to Kevin. In order to keep from falling off the small part of the bench that he was left to sit on, his thigh was pressed right against Kevin's. All of the sudden he felt something like an electric spark run through his body and his mind was treated to a flashback of last night's dream. 'A body, warm and hard.' Aidan shuttered.
"You alright Aidan? You look like you just saw a ghost." Nick mentioned.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, just had one of those Déjà vu moments." Aidan said with a weak smile, turning his attention to his breakfast, hoping everyone would drop the subject.
The six men sat in silence for the next few minutes finishing their simple morning meal.
"So..." Nick began. "What are we going to do today? I know we are on the bus for a couple hours, but do we have anything planned?"
"We don't have any obligations or work to be done, if that's what you're asking. It's like we have a couple hours of free time, but with no place to go. But we did mention to Aidan yesterday that we have the time to have another session, if Aidan wants to." Howie answered as he was cleaning up his dishes.
Kevin was smiling; it was so funny to see Howie taking control.
"Well... actually... if it's okay with you five, I was wondering if I could do individual sessions with each of you. That way I talk with each of you for a short period and then you'd have the rest of your time free. Is that okay?" Aidan suggested.
"Sure, you're in charge, whatever you say." Howie answered for the group.
"Okay then, why don't you guys do whatever you need to get ready for the day, I'll set up a spot somewhere and get my stuff ready. Then whoever wants to go first can meet me." Aidan told them.
"Cool." Howie said and the other four heads nodded.
"Great, I'll get set up then." Aidan said as he cleaned up his cereal bowl and left the kitchen area.
Aidan went into the living area and grabbed his case notebook and a pen. He then looked around the bus for an appropriate place to set up. There didn't seem to be such a place on this bus. There were only a few 'rooms' on the bus, the room with the bunks, the place where the driver was, the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living area. The first three rooms just wouldn't do. So that only left the kitchen and the living area. He didn't want the boys to have to stay in their bunks during the sessions, so he figured the best place would probably be the kitchen. Aidan hoped that it would be all right with the boys.
"Guys?" Aidan called out.
"Yeah?" Howie answered.
"Is it okay if I set up in the kitchen, I think it would be the most private." Aidan said.
"Yeah sure, we are all done in there, it's all yours." Howie told him.
"Great, I'll be all ready in like 5 minutes, so who ever wants to go first just come on in to the kitchen." Aidan said.
"Okay, no prob." Howie answered.
Aidan went into the kitchen and saw that it was all cleared out. The dishes had been done, the milk and cereal had been put away, and the table had been sponged off. At least they took care of their own stuff. He had been worried originally that they were pampered snobs who didn't lift a finger for anything. He was glad to find out that he was so wrong on that thought. Aidan sat as far from the door as he could and put his notebook on the table. He picked up the pen in his hand and waited for someone to come in. He sat there for a few minutes before someone entered the room.
"Hey Aidan, I was ready first... that ok?" Howie asked as he poked his head through the door.
"Yeah, that's fine, come on in Howie." Aidan told him with a smile.
"Cool, where should I sit?" Howie asked him.
"Anywhere is fine, this spot is taken but the others are free." Aidan said jokingly.
"So..." Howie started after he had taken the seat directly across from Aidan.
"Well I'm just going to ask you a few questions, answer them as honestly as you can. If something is to hard to talk about, just let me know. Otherwise, this should be fairly painless." Aidan told him.
"Ohh... okay... cool." Howie was looking more comfortable.
"Good, good. I'm going to be asking you questions about what happened in the passed few weeks, is that okay?" Aidan asked.
"I guess." Howie offered.
"Okay, now Howie, you said that during all of this you withdrew from the group. Why was this?" Aidan asked.
"Ugh, you really want the truth?" Howie asked.
"Of course, I always want you to tell me the truth." Aidan responded.
"Well, the truth is I was confused. Brian was gay? And AJ was fooling around with him? What the hell was that all about? Brian, I wasn't to surprised by, I mean I never thought he was gay, but it just wasn't all of a shocker. But AJ, AJ and I always picked up girls together, we always laughed that we had the exact same taste in girls. So what now? He likes guys? I didn't know what to do, what to think, so I just avoided the whole situation. I know it wasn't the right way to handle it, but I just didn't know what to do." Howie was sounding strained.
"Were you scared because if it could happen to AJ, it could happen to you?" Aidan asked softly.
"I don't know, I mean I never thought about it before, but after it happened I guess I began to question myself." Howie was looking down into his hands.
"Really? Did you find an answer?" Aidan asked carefully.
"Not yet, I'm still looking." Howie sounded a little choked.
"Is there anything I can do to help you find what you are looking for?" Aidan offered.
"No, thanks, but it's a personal search, ya know? I got to think it through all myself." Howie said as he choked back tears.
"I understand, if you need anything though, I'm here for you. Are you okay with Brian and AJ now?" Aidan decided he probably should change the subject a little.
"Yeah, yeah, I see them together and they love each other so much, it's so right, I see that now." Howie looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds. "They deserve to be with each other, we all deserve to have someone who loves us, someone we love."
"Very true." Aidan paused and looked at Howie, he looked as though he couldn't wait to leave this room. "Thanks Howie, I think that's all I need right now. Remember If you need someone to talk things through with, I'm here."
"Thanks Aidan." Howie had stood up as soon as he heard 'that's all'.
"Of course, do me a favor, send me a new victim please." Aidan said with a smile.
"Sure, see ya later." Howie said as he left.
Aidan looked down at his notebook. 'Wow, Howie seems a little depressed. I think he's lonely. He's dealing with questions of his own sexuality. I wonder if he might have had something for AJ and just not seen it. I'm gonna have to keep my eye on him for awhile, make sure he doesn't get to upset.'
"Aidan?" Nick poked his head in the door.
"Nick?" Aidan asked. "Are you my next victim?"
"Yeppers." Nick said as he came into the kitchen. "Hey, was Howie okay? He left the kitchen, grumbled 'next', and threw himself into his bunk."
"Howie is fine, he's jut really tired." Aidan lied. "So do you want to sit down?"
"Yeah, cool." Nick looked around and picked a chair that was just one away from Aidan. He propped his feet up on the chair in front of Aidan, leaned an elbow on the table, and flashed Aidan a smile. "So, what's up?"
"Well, I'm just going to ask you a question or two, so just answer truthfully and add anything you think is relevant, go at your own speed, and don't let me push you too much. Okay?" Aidan told him.
"Yeah sure, hit me with the first question." Nick said.
"So are you Brian's best friend again?" Aidan asked.
"I never stopped." Nick answered defensively.
"Well, for a while you didn't do anything but make fun of him, three weeks wasn't it? You call that being his best friend?" Aidan was pressing a little and he knew it.
"Listen. I fucked up! I know it, Brian knows it, and we all know it! I said I was sorry, Brian and I have worked it out. We are best friends!" Nick was a little pissed off.
"Okay, but then why did you treat him so badly for so long?" Aidan changed his tone, so he didn't sound so threatening.
"I don't know, it didn't make any sense to me when I was doing it and it still doesn't make sense now. I love Brian, he has always been there for me, no matter what I needed or whatever I did wrong. I mean I was always there for him... but he never really needed me, not like he needed me for this. And what did I do? I let him down. I so fucked up." Nick had dropped the angry tone and had adopted an upset one.
"Had he done anything recently to make you feel like he wasn't there for you?" Aidan questioned.
"No, not at all. Listen, I've been through a lot being part of this group. I was taken away from my family when I was like 13 years old. I've had to go through puberty in front of millions of people. People have expected me to act all adult, when all I wanted to do is be a kid. I've never been to a real school, got to play group sports, get all nervous and ask the cute girl in homeroom out. I went through all of this. It's given me nightmares, stage fright, and a handful of other complexes. I've cried myself to sleep. None of this has ever been predictable. The only thing that has ever been predictable about it all is that whatever I was going through, Brian was there to hold me, take my hand, or dry my tears. Brian has never not been there for me." Nick spilled out.
"Okay, it's not that, are you homophobic then?" Aidan asked.
"No, I never have been. I even have a few gay friends, when they all told me I took it in stride. I have no idea why I reacted to Brian like I did." Nick answered.
"Okay, so Brian has never disappointed you, and you have nothing against being gay. Hmmm, I have a theory, are you willing to hear it?" Aidan asked Nick.
"Yeah, I'd like to, I'd love any insight into what's going on." Nick practically begged.
"If I am way off don't get mad at me, it's just a suggestion. Brian is the one who is always there for you, but if he has a boyfriend now, he may not be available at your beckon call. You may not have consciously thought all of this, but in your sub-conscious you may have gay bashed him in hopes of ruining his relationship with AJ, so that you wouldn't have to share your best friend." Aidan didn't look Nick in the eye when he said this, in case Nick's temper flew up.
There was no response from Nick. Aidan looked up. Nick was now sitting normally in the chair. He was looking straight ahead, but had that blank look that meant he wasn't focused on anything. Tears were flowing down his cheeks.
"Nick? Nick are you okay?" Aidan got up and went to Nick.
"You're right, fucking shit, you're right. I did all that to him and it was out of pure selfishness. I'm a horrible person." Nick was just sitting there letting the tears fall.
Aidan wasn't sure what to do. As his therapist he should just hand him a tissue, but come on, he was still a kid. He couldn't just sit here and watch him cry like this. Should he go get one of the other guys? No, that isn't the answer.
Aidan pulled the chair right over next to Nick's, sat down, and wrapped his arms around the blond.
"Nick it's okay, you said yourself, you've worked it all out with Brian. He doesn't hate you, you two are still best friends. I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen, I was just trying to get you to think about it. I guess I was a little harsh." Aidan said to Nick as he held the young man.
"No, it's okay, you were so right. I'm sorry, I'll be okay in a minute. It just shocked me a little." Nick said as he clung to Aidan. "Thank you, for this and all, I'm sorry I'm soaking your shirt."
"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry, as long as you're going to be okay." Aidan told him as he brushed his hair back.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine, sorry." Nick was sounding better, he cleared his throat and sat up on his own.
"Here." Aidan said as he handed Nick a tissue.
"Thanks, wow, mini-break-down there." Nick said as he cleaned himself up a little.
"It's okay, you sure you are alright?" Aidan asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just can't believe the truth. I really should talk to Brian about this all." Nick said.
"That's a good idea, even though you are happy for him now, you can at least let him know, that way you can make sure you are always there for each other, and don't let something like this happen again." Aidan told him.
"I'm gonna go talk to Brian, I wanna get this off my chest. Am I done?" Nick asked looking as if he was in a rush.
"Yeah, go ahead, just send someone new in." Aidan said as he smiled at the hyper youth.
Nick ran out of the room and Aidan heard him pull Brian off the couch. He heard Brian say 'What's going on?' and AJ say 'What are you doing with my pillow?'. Well, Nick seemed to figure something out, he appeared to be okay, shocked at first, but once it sank in he seemed to be fine. Aidan hoped talking to Brian would go alright.
"Hey Aidan, you want someone to go next?" Kevin called from outside.
"Yeah, whoever wants to go, just come on in." Aidan said back.
Aidan expected to see Kevin walk through the door next, but he didn't. Instead a defeated looking AJ came in.
"First I lose my pillow, then Kevin forces me to go next, if you make me cry, I'm gonna sock someone." AJ said with a goofy grin.
"I'll try my best not to. Have a seat." Aidan gestured to the chairs. "I'm just gonna ask a few questions and answer them the best you can, ok? Everything's at your speed and at your comfort rate, all good?"
"Sound's great. What's the first question?" AJ asked as he took the same seat that Howie had sat in.
"Tell me about Mia." Aidan suggested.
"You want to know about my stuffed panda?" AJ asked shocked.
"Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I do, where did you get her, how long have you had her, what did you do when the guys made fun of her? Stuff like that" Aidan offered.
"Okay, well I've had her for 14 years, my mom gave her to me for one of those 'just because' presents. She sat on my bed for year or two, collecting dust, than when I was like 10 I watched this awful, horrible, sad, and scary movie. When I went to bed that night, sleep just wasn't happening. I had nightmares for like a week, finally one night I just buried my head in Mia and I slept all night. So I did it for the next few nights. It became a habit, one I didn't kick until 3 or 4 years ago. The guys used to make fun of me for sleeping with her. Back then we still shared hotel rooms, so they used to hide her from me, play keep away, all sorts of dumb shit. It never made me stop of course, but I did feel as dumb as anything. I never really did anything when they made fun of her, what was I supposed to do? Beat them up? Yell at them? Tell their moms? It was over a stupid stuffed animal, so I just took the abuse." AJ was saying all of this in an annoyed tone. "Why exactly do you want to know all of this?"
"That was a situation where you got ostracized by the group for doing something that was in no way wrong. You were made to feel guilty for something that was perfectly natural and healthy. And it was by the people closest to you. I just wanted to see if your reaction to that, the way you handled it, was in any way similar to how you handled what just happened. Believe it or not the two are similar. Both times you were doing nothing wrong and still you were made to feel bad about yourself." Aidan told him.
"Oh..." Was all AJ had to say.
"You did seem to handle the two situations similarly. Both times you seem to take the abuse." Aidan said.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" AJ asked.
"I'm telling you this because you need to learn to stick up for yourself. You seem to get walked on a lot. You are a great guy and obviously don't want to start trouble within the group. I think you let the guys get away with hurting your feelings just so things will go smoothly. That's okay for little things, but when you were younger you needed Mia, she was important to you, the guys should have understood that, you shouldn't have had to hide her. And now you almost let a wonderful relationship get away. I know you love the guys, but they love you just as much, let them know when they are pushing you to far. I guarantee they will understand and your life will get a whole lot easier." Aidan said calmly. He looked at AJ for a response.
AJ was smiling at him.
"You okay AJ?" Aidan asked a little worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just I've been hearing that speech for years from my mom, it was funny to hear it come from someone else's mouth." AJ said almost laughing. "I guess maybe it's true if you say it too, not just my mom being paranoid. But you know these guys, how do I change them?"
"You don't have to change them, just let them know when they are being jerks. That's really all it should take. Try it next time, I bet it will work, ok?" Aidan offered.
"Okay, I will, thanks Aidan." AJ smiled at him. "Any other questions?"
"No, that's it for you. You are free. Will you tell either Kevin or Brian, if he's done talking to Nick, to come in please?"
"Sure, see ya later." AJ walked to the door, turned to look at Aidan, laughed a little and then walked out.
'Oh great, now he's comparing me to his mother, just what I want. At least he took that well, hopefully he will follow what I suggested, and hopefully the guys will be understanding.' Aidan thought to himself.
The door swung open.
"That kid is nuts!" Brian joked as he came walking in.
"I take it your talk went alright?" Aidan asked him as he watched Brian take a seat.
"Yeah, it went fine, what did you say to him? I've never seen the kid get so guilty. I had already forgiven him and still he gives me this whole flowery speech on how he will never abandon me in my time of need again, how sorry he is that he was jealous, and how he knows our friendship will never change just because I have a boyfriend. To repeat myself, the kid is nuts. It was nice to see he loves me that much though." Brian was smiling and shaking his head.
"Well I'm glad it went alright, he does seem to get a little passionate about things." Aidan said.
"I think hyper in more of the word." Brian laughed.
"I was trying to be nice, but you may be right." Aidan laughed with him.
"So what's going one here? How does an individual session go?" Brian asked.
"Well I am going to ask you a question or two. You answer it at your own speed, and only if you are comfortable. It is pretty laid back. Does that sound alright?" Aidan asked.
"Yeah, yeah, fine. What's the first question?" Brian asked.
"When did you first begin to suspect there was something more between you and AJ than just friends and bandmates?" Aidan asked.
"When did I first suspect? What do you mean?" Brian looked confused.
"You two were spending a lot of time together right?" Aidan asked.
Brian nodded.
"At some point you must have noticed something was different. Do you remember when it was, or what it felt like when it hit you?" Aidan tried to clarify.
"Oh, okay, yeah, I know what ya mean. Well, like you heard us say, AJ and I had been spending a lot of alone time together. Kevin was busier than usual with business stuff, and Howie and Nick have been working on this weird idea for a song. So AJ and I were left with nothing to do. As you know, Nicky and I usually spend most of our free time together and AJ either hangs out with Howie, when he isn't with Kevin, or by himself. The whole time we have been a group I don't think AJ and I had ever hung out alone before. It turned out we have a whole lot in common and we can talk so easily to each other. We ended up going to a lot of movies, playing golf together, going out to eat, all that kind of stuff, but a lot of the time we just sat around and talked. I noticed we did stuff that Nick and I never did. Like when we talked to each other, we always found a way to touch each other's arm or something. We were constantly giving each other back rubs. You know, stuff like that, stuff you don't normally do with other guy friends, or if you do, I just never realized them until AJ. But I think I really realized that AJ wasn't just a 'friend' when we were watching movies one night. It was some horror flick, I don't remember the name of it. We were in AJ's hotel room hanging out on the bed. There was a storm going on outside. The movie wasn't that scary, but at one of those suspense scenes, lightning and thunder flashed, making us both jump. AJ grabbed my hand in fear. I guess it was his touch, because I remember feeling a spark go through my whole body. After that night I thought of AJ a little differently. I guess that was when." Brian got a goofy little happy look on his face as he said this to Aidan.
"What did you think after that happened? Did you freak out at responding to a mans touch that way?" Aidan asked.
"No, I had known for a little while that I was gay. It was weird that it was AJ, but not that it was a guy." Brian told him.
"So how do you feel now, everything seems to be working out for you?" Aidan asked.
"I'm really happy right now, and I don't see it ending anytime soon. I have AJ, and my friends are all cool with it. Life is really good right now." Brian said grinning like a fool.
"Good, okay that's all the questions I have for you. You are free, just do me a favor, send me in your cranky cousin, okay?" Aidan joked.
"Hey, Kev is not cranky, he's just..." Brian searched for a good word.
"Special?" Aidan offered.
"Yeah special, I'll tell him, later Aidan." Brian walked out the door.
'Ugh, only one left. This is going to be fun. Why don't Kevin and I get along? He's probably going to be all nasty and grumpy about this. It's got to be done though.'
Aidan sat in the kitchen for ten minutes alone. He could hear Brian saying to Kevin, 'You're the last one, you have to go, don't keep Aidan waiting so long.' outside in the living area. Kevin was telling him that he wanted to watch the rest of the show that was on, it would only be another 25 minutes. Finally after Brian had failed, Howie screamed for him to get his ass in the kitchen. A small verbal battle ensued between the two oldest Backstreet Boys, in the end Howie won, and Kevin turned off his TV show to head for the kitchen.
The kitchen door swung open violently. Kevin came in and pulled back a chair and sat down.
"What?" Kevin asked angrily.
"I didn't say anything. Drop that attitude now. What is wrong with you? Going through withdrawal? Do you need a drink that bad Kevin?" Aidan wasn't going to cater to his attitude.
"Shut the fuck up!" Kevin got up to leave. "I don't need to take this!"
"Kevin! Wait! I'm sorry about that. You didn't deserve that and it was unprofessional. Please come back, I'll drop the attitude if you will. We really need to get this done." Aidan stood up and started toward Kevin.
"Yeah, I'll stay." Kevin said calming down a little. "I'm sorry too."
He walked back to his chair and sat down.
"Are you okay? I was just being rude before, but you really do seem a little shaky. I thought you said you weren't drinking all that much." Aidan was worried.
"I wasn't, just a few every night. I don't know what my problem is, I'm shaking and so fucking moody, yelling at everyone." Kevin said with a groan to his voice.
"Exactly how long have you been drinking every night?" Aidan asked. "I think it has to be more than just a few weeks."
"I don't know, I can't remember. Maybe it has been longer than a few weeks." Kevin admitted.
"Kevin, I hate to say this, I think you may be an alcoholic. Even though it was just for a short amount of time and only a few drinks, your body has grown dependent on them. What you are going through right now is withdrawal. You didn't drink last night and your body wants its fix." Aidan said carefully.
"No, I can't be an alcoholic, I'm only 27. I don't need to drink." Kevin sounded very upset.
"Age doesn't matter, a three year old can be an alcoholic. As long as they need to have that drink. You said so yourself, you need a drink to sleep. Last night you were just so tired you passed out. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it happens to thousands of people. You just can't drink anymore." Aidan tried to explain.
"No..." Was all that came out of Kevin's mouth.
"Kevin? Are you okay?" Aidan asked.
"What am I going to do? I slept last night, but that was a fluke. I can't lose sleep, I still have to perform and lead my life. Losing sleep will mess me up big time. I... I... I need those drinks." Kevin finally admitted. He had a panicked look on his face and his eyes were bright with tears.
"You find other ways to get to sleep at night. Warm milk, count sheep, have someone tell you a story, anything at all, just don't pick up a drink. Howie has taken over your responsibilities, so you don't have that to worry about, maybe the lessened stress will let you sleep. You have to try." Aidan told him.
"What if it doesn't work? What will I do then?" Kevin was looking at the ceiling.
"It will work, we will find something that will work." Aidan offered. "Kevin?"
"Yeah?" Kevin choked out.
"You are allowed to let those fall." Aidan said softly and handed Kevin a tissue.
"No, no, not me. Listen, don't get on my case for this right now. I'm going through enough." Kevin said as he dabbed the tissue at the corner of his eyes to keep the tears from falling.
"I won't, but I'm going to say one thing, it'll make you feel better if you do. Are you going to be okay?" Aidan inquired.
"I don't know..." Kevin whispered.
For the second time that day Aidan broke the rules of being a therapist. He went over to Kevin and wrapped his arms around him.
"Kevin, you are an incredibly strong person. Think of everything you have already gone through in life. This is just one more obstacle, you are going to get over it with out a problem. Your friends are here for you and I am to. You are going to make it. Just do not give up, you are young, you have to much to work for." Aidan said gently as he rubbed Kevin's back as he held him.
Kevin took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm gonna be alright."
"Are you sure?" Aidan asked as he let go of him.
"Yeah, for now at least. Thanks, I think." Kevin said as he sat back.
"I'm not going to be on the bus tonight, I'm going to have the guys make sure you don't drink and help you find other ways to fall asleep. Is that okay? I know you hate to depend on them, but you need it now." Aidan told Kevin.
Kevin nodded.
"I don't have anymore questions, is there anything you want to talk about?" Aidan asked.
Kevin shook his head no. He felt like he was going to completely lose it if he said one more thing in front of Aidan. Where does he get off making him feel like this? Hugging him like he wants his comfort or anything. 'I know you hate to depend on them', he thinks he know him so well. What was it about this guy that made him want to scream and bawl at the same time?
"Okay then, you are free to go, as long as you are sure you are alright. I'm just gonna look over some stuff here and then I'm done for the day too." Aidan said as Kevin stood up to leave.
Kevin just nodded at him again and left the room.
Aidan sat for a few minutes and looked at the notes he had taken. Progress was made with almost everyone. Kevin was the only one who needed major help at the moment. He was going to have to make a report to their manager soon and he wasn't exactly sure what he was going to tell him.
Aidan had a talk with the guys an hour or so later, explaining Kevin's situation. All four boys understood completely and promised to do all they could. Kevin didn't even stay in the room for the conversation. The minute it started he left.
They didn't have much time until the arrived at the arena. They all attempted to get a nap in before the long night. They arrived just as Howie had said, an hour or so before the concert was going to begin. The boys all went to get ready for the concert.
The concert went fairly well. Brian and AJ were back at full force, putting on the amazing show they are known for. Nick seemed reenergized also, jumping around like he used to. Howie was a little down but caught the enthusiasm of the other three. The only one who was a little out of it was Kevin. He tried very hard to do his best, but he had so much on his mind that is was hard to pull it off at his full ability. The show ended and everyone headed back to the buses. Their last show was tomorrow night and they needed to head to Orlando. The five boys headed to their bus and Aidan headed off to one of the other buses. It was a bus mainly reserved for the manager and any one he had traveling with them when he was actually on tour. He was still away on business, so Aidan had the place to himself. He immediately got ready for bed and laid down. It had been a long day and all he wanted to do was sleep. He had been asleep for a little while when he began to dream...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Are you okay?" A calm voice asked.
"Yeah fine, thank you." "What just happened there?" It asked again.
"I'm not sure, it all happened so quickly."
"Well, as long as you're okay." The voice sounded concerned.
"Really I'm fine, just a little scared."
"Don't be, come here." The voice came toward him and pulled him into a hug.
"Thank you, I...think, I think I need this."
"Well, after what happened it's not surprising." The owner of the voice was now running his hand up and down the back of the child-like man he was holding. "You're shaking."
"Am I?"
"Yeah, come on you should sit down." The voice sat on an old mattress that was in the room. The voice pulled him down so that he was sitting next to him. The voice then put his arm around his shoulders and guided him so that he was leaning against the owner of the voice, with his head at the base of the voice's throat. "Is that better?"
"Yeah... thank you."
"Stop saying thank you, it's really no problem." The voice told him.
"Okay." He sat there for a few minutes, snuggled up against this mystery man. He felt safe, he felt...resolved.
He could feel that this man was very well defined. The body he was pressed up against was hard, but also very warm, and the way he was being held was secure, but oh so soft. After what had just happened he couldn't feel this way, shouldn't feel this way. But he was a little turned on. The owner of the smooth, calm voice began to stroke the side of his arm lightly. His touch felt so wonderful. Okay, so now he was very turned on.
"How are ya doing?" The voice asked.
"Bet'ter, uh-hum, better thanks." His voice had cracked, sheesh when was the last time that happened?
The voice began to lightly brush his fingers against the side of his cheek.
"Oh..."
"I'm sorry, should I stop that?" The voice asked.
"No..."
"Okay then, can I do this?" The voice asked as he kissed him boldly on the neck.
"Oh..." He seemed to have lost all power of speech.
The voice continued to kiss his neck and then traveled up to his lips. The owner of the voice kissed him passionately, using his tongue to do things to his mouth that he hadn't known was possible. The heat that was now traveling through his body was so intense. The heat traveled down his back and centered strongly in his loins. And he was hard, rock hard. He began to kiss the owner of the voice back. The two of them entwined ravaging each other's mouths. They laid down on the mattress still kissing. They began to let their hands wonder over each other's bodies. Slowly the voice began to remove his clothes. It was very warm in that room so he decided to return the favor. The two of them sat there, naked, stroking each other's bodies and kissing. After what seemed like an eternity, the voice lowered his hand and enclosed it around the hardness protruding from his lover's body. He began to move his hand slowly but firmly up and down the shaft.
"Oh..."
"You like that, don't you?" The voice asked.
"Yeah..."
"Well then let me try this..." The voice said as he lowered his head so it was level with his stomach. He proceeded to snake out his tongue and lick the head of his penis.
"Ugh..." He didn't know how much more of this he could take. He felt...teased.
The owner of the voice proceeded to put his entire wet, hot mouth around his penis. The sensation sent sparks of fire throughout his entire body.
The voice shifted positions, so that his own manhood was staring him directly in the face. He decided it was only right to make his lover feel as amazing as he did right now. He attempted to put his mouth around the dick staring him in the face. It wasn't very easy, it was almost twice the size of his own. With a little work he was able to get a good portion of it into his mouth.
The two men set to work at pleasuring one another. From the sound of the moaning and the motion of their hips, they were both doing a good job.
"I'm close..." He pulled off long enough to say.
"I'm know..." The voice mumbled, somehow still being able to smile at him.
"Oh... wow... here it..."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Aidan awoke with a start. 'Not again! Why was he dreaming about this again? And why was this man looking more familiar this time? It was someone he knew, but who?' It was still nighttime so he attempted to go back to sleep.
On the Boys' Bus
"Well that was better than it has been in a long time." Nick said excitedly.
"Yeah, the Backstreet Boys are back!" Brian said as he grabbed Nick's arm and swung him around.
"So what is everyone gonna do tonight?" Nick asked. "I have to much energy to just go to bed."
"I'm gonna go to bed, I'm beat." Howie said as he headed toward his bunk.
"Okay goodnight Howie." Nick said.
"Goodnight guys." Howie said.
"I want to watch television, anyone want to join me?" AJ asked.
"I will." Brian said.
"Cool, how about you two, what are you up to?" AJ asked Kevin and Nick.
"I think I'm going to take my drawing stuff into the kitchen and do a little doodling, I have creative energy." Nick said with a smile.
"All your energy is creative, that's why you scare us sometimes." Brian said jokingly.
"Ha-ha, way funny. If you guys need me I'll be in there." Nick said as he grabbed a sketch book and some pencils.
"What you going to do Kevin?" Brian asked.
"I'm going to go lie down I think, I'm pretty tired myself." Kevin answered.
"Okay, if you need anything, call us, no drinking okay?" Brian offered.
"I won't! Okay? Trust me for once." Kevin answered annoyed.
"Kevin we always trust you, we just don't want you hurting yourself." Brian answered him.
"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just cranky. Goodnight guys." Kevin said.
"Goodnight Kev." Brian and AJ answered as they gave him a hug. "We are right out here, if you need it."
"I know guys, I know." Kevin headed for bed, stripped down to his underwear and hopped in his bunk.
"So what do you want to watch?" Brian asked.
"Your eyes as you kiss me." AJ answered.
"Oh that was cheesy." Brian said as he laughed.
"Ohh... so you don't want to kiss me?" AJ pouted.
"I never said that." Brian answered as he pulled AJ on to the couch in front of the television and began to kiss him on the neck.
"So you just like to make fun of me?" AJ asked as his boyfriend nibbled at his ear.
"Shh..." Brian said as he began to kiss AJ on the mouth.
"Okay..." AJ mumbled through the kiss.
The two of them proceeded to make out on the couch until they became so tired they fell asleep entwined where they lay.
About an hour later Nick came out of the kitchen. He found his best friend and his new boyfriend asleep on the couch, half undressed, each with a visible hickey. He thought about waking them up so that they could go to their bunks, but decided they looked too comfortable to disturb.
Nick put away his drawing materials, went to the bathroom, took off his jeans, and headed for the bunks. When he got there he found Howie asleep and Kevin beating on his pillow.
"What's wrong Kev?" Nick whispered.
"I can't fucking sleep." Kevin whispered back angrily.
"Why not?" Nick asked.
"Cause I need a fucking drink, that's why!" Kevin shot back at him.
"Well you're not fucking having one, so you better just deal with it and go to bed." Nick returned with just as much attitude.
"I can't..." Kevin said pitifully, his mood changing 180 degrees. "I need a drink to sleep, just one, please Nick?"
"Aww... Kev, ya know I can't let ya. Come on, there's gotta be another way for you to be able to go to sleep. Do you want me to get you a warm glass of milk?" Nick asked.
"No, I've tried so many other things, I doubt that will work. I'm just never gonna sleep." Kevin sounded so defeated.
"Come on Kev, we'll figure something out. Don't worry, we'll work it out. Wait, I got it!" Nick said excitedly.
"What?" Kevin asked brightening a little.
"Slide over." Nick instructed.
"Why?" Kevin asked confused.
"Trust me." Nick told him.
"Okay, whatever, I've given up." Kevin sighed.
"Lay on your side facing the wall." Nick instructed again.
Kevin obeyed. Nick climbed into bed and slid right behind Kevin. He began to rub his back lightly.
"What are you doing?" Kevin asked.
"When I was younger and had a bad day, or a nightmare. Pretty much whenever I couldn't sleep, Brian used to do this for me. He'd lay behind me and rub my back until I was getting good and sleepy. Then he would put one arm around me, hold me close, and stroke my hair. Then he would sing me one of my favorite songs. It would work every time. You feeling sleepy yet?" Nick said as continued to rub Kevin's back.
"A little I guess, it feels nice either way, it's relaxing me. Brian really used to do all that for you?" Kevin asked, sleepiness creeping into his voice.
"Yeah." Nick said very softly. "He's a great best friend, always takes real good care of me."
"Ohh... that's good." Kevin replied softly, he sounded spacey.
Nick took that as a cue. He pulled Kevin closer and proceeded to stroke his dark hair.
"Hmmm..." Was all Kevin was saying now.
Nick knew all it would take to get Kevin to go to sleep was a little soft singing. He racked his brain to try and remember one of Kevin's favorite songs. He couldn't think of any, but he knew how much Kevin liked Meatloaf. He didn't know many of his songs by heart, but he did know one. It wasn't the happiest song, but it was slow and sweet and if he sang it low it would just do the trick. Yes, Meatloaf's 'Martha' would probably just do the trick.
Kevin was completely relaxed in his arms. His breathing was deep and slow.
Nick began to sing as softly and slowly as possible:
Operator, number please, it's been so many years
And she'll remember my old voice, while I fight the tears
Hello, hello there is this Martha? This is old Tom Frost
And I am calling long distance, don't worry about the cost
It's been 40 years or more, now Martha please recall
And meet me out for coffee, where we'll talk about it all
And those were the days of roses
Poetry and prose and Martha
And all I had was you and all you had was me
And there was no tomorrow's as we packed away our sorrows
And we saved it for a rainy day
And I feel so much older now and you're much older too
Oh how's the husband and how's the kids?
You know that I got married too!
Oh lucky that you found someone to make you feel secure
Oh cause we were all so young and foolish and now we are mature
And those were the days of roses
Poetry and prose and Martha
And all I had was you and all you had was me
And there was no tomorrow's as we packed away our sorrows
And we saved it for a rainy day
And I was always so impulsive, I guess that I still am
But all that really mattered then was that I was a man
I guess that our being together was never meant to be
Oh but Martha, Martha I love you can't you see
And those were the days of roses
Poetry and prose and Martha
And all I had was you and all you had was me
And there was no tomorrow's as we packed away our sorrows
And we saved it for a rainy day
And I remember quiet evenings trembling close to you
When Nick had finished Kevin was asleep in his arms. Nick contemplated getting up and going to his own bunk but he didn't want to wake up Kevin now that he had finally fallen asleep. He was comfortable and there were worse places to sleep, so he just closed his eyes and went to sleep.
It's done, I can't believe it, it is finally done. I hope you all like it! This was so hard to get done. Okay everyone talk to you soon! Hasta la byebye!