Disclaimer: This story is a product of my imagination. I am in no way implying that Nick Carter is gay.
Lars and the rest of the characters in this story is truely a product of my imagination. All resemblance to any real life persons is purely a coincidence.
This story contains/or will some day contain sexual relations by adult males. If you are not into that or it is illegal in your state/country, please leave now. Or else, sit back and enjoy.
I am not a native English speaker. Thus there might be some spelling and grammar mistakes. I hereby apologise for those. Also I am not into much American slang, so the language might seem a bit formal. Sorry for that. This is also my first attempt to write such a story.
Feedback has been very slow lately. Have people stopped reading my story? Thanks, however, to those who have e-mailed me. You know who you are.
Now on with the story...
For Scott, whose support and comments has made this part possible
"Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall" by Chris
Part 5 "Keep passing the open windows"
The sun is burning in the sky. Strands of clouds go slowly drifting by. In the park the lazy breeze are joining in the flowers, among the trees. And the sun burns in the sky.
Lars was sitting on the porch. He was thinking. He was thinking about Nick, the man he loved. The one who meant the most in his life. 'Oh God, Nick. You don't even know how I feel about you,' he though to himself. As he pictured the image of the sweet, handsom, young blonde, he could see Jane Carter heading towards the Carter residence. Lars felt like running to her and beat the shit out of her. She was the one responsible for Nick being in the hospital. He didn't. He knew that it wouldn't do no good.
Lars had never been Christian. He had never before turned to God in a prayer. But now he felt that he had tried everything in his power to make Nick well. He looked up to the sky to face the Lord.
Dear God,
The man I love more than everything is lying
in coma at the hospital. He has never done
anything to hurt anyone. Not you. Not anyone.
If you are up there, why have you done this
to such a beautiful and wonderful man? WHY?
Lars screamed from the top of his lunges. "WHY?"
I promise you God, if you make Nick wake up and
be alright I will leave. I promise. I promise
I will leave. I have caused nothing but pain in
Nick's life. I love him. I love him more than life
itself, but I see that he is better off without
me. Please God, make him alright. I will leave.
Lars was crying now. He couldn't control himself. He promised himself that if Nick lived through this he would leave. He would leave Nick so that he could have a better life. A life without someone who caused him nothing but pain.
"What's wrong sweetie?" Martha put her arm around her nephews neck.
"I want Nick to be well," Lars sobbed. "It's all my fault, auntie. I have caused nothing but pain upon Nick."
"Oh, Lars. It's not your fault. Nothing is. The only thing you are guilty of are loving him. You have done nothing wrong, Lars."
"But if he hadn't met me, he wouldn't have tried to kill himself again," Lars said lowly.
"Again? Do you mean that he has tried it before?" Martha asked shocked.
"Yes, but Brian saved him in the last minute. It was right after he told his parents that he was...ehh..uhh"
"Gay, you mean?" Martha finished.
"You know?"
"Of course I know. I pretty much figured it out a couple of years ago," Martha answered.
"Why didn't you tell me," Lars asked.
"I though it was best if you found out for yourself. But I didn't dream that this was the way you would find out. But I'm sure he'll be okay," Martha said comfortly.
"I hope so," Lars said as he buried his face into his aunt's shoulder.
Lars stepped into the big reception area at the hospital. It had become quite familiar to him now. He went to Nick's room, but stopped outside when he heard yelling from inside it.
"You are not allowed to talk to that boy. I am sure he is a fag!" A female voice was yelling from the inside.
"But Mom..." Nick said with his quiver voice.
"Don't but me Nick. You know I am right. You are not to see that fag again. Look what he has done to you."
"We don't even know if he is gay mom, so don't talk about Lars that way. And HE didn't do anything to me. YOU did!"
"Don't you dare talk to your mother that way," Robert Carter yelled to his son. "You will tell her that you are sorry, now!"
Lars had severe problems to remain standing. He wanted to die. It was his fault that Nick's parents were yelling at him. He ran out of the hospital, out into the streets. He ran until he had problems breathing. He fell together on a grass lawn and cried. He was trembling severly.
"Hey, are you okay man?" a voice said from behind.
Lars didn't turn around. He buried his face into his hands.
"What's wrong? You are trembling like hell," the voice said.
Lars looked up and saw a boy sitting down in front of him. He had to be the same age as Lars.
"What's wrong?" he asked again.
"Everything!" Lars sobbed and started to cry again.
The young man put his arm around Lars and comforted him. They sat like that for a long time. The boy rocking Lars back and forth and Lars willingly accepting the comfort from the stranger.
After a while Lars stopped crying and sat down beside the boy. The boy put out a hand.
"Hi! I'm Justin," he said. "Nice to meet you."
"My name is Lars," Lars responded. "Likewise."
Lars liked Justin. He could tell immediately.
"Are you okay now?" Justin asked concerned.
"Yes, I think so," Lars answered. "Thank you for everything."
They both rose to their feet. They shook hands and parted.
Lars walked back to the hospital. He needed to see Nick. He needed to explain that he was going to leave, that he was going back to Norway. For the second time that day he stood in front of Nick's door. There were no yelling now, but he could hear a low sobbing from inside the room. He slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside. Nick had crawled together in the middle of the bed and was sobbing. Lars walked towards the bed and sat down beside Nick and put his arms around his friend. Nick looked up and buried his face into Lars' shoulder. He cried. Lars cried. No one said a word.
"Nick. I need to tell you something," Lars begun. "I am going home to Norway Nick. I leave tomorrow. I love you. I love you more than you ever can imagine. But I think you're best off without me."
"But..." Nick started.
"No Nick. This is for the best."
As he said that, Lars walked out of the room. He never looked back.
The plane had been in the air for 5 hours. Lars was staring out of the window. He looked at the sun and the clouds as the sound of music was floating through his head from his CD-player.
Maybe it's intuition Some things you just don't question Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant and there it goes I think I've found my best friend I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life I knew I loved you before I met you I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason only a sense of completion and in your eyes I see the missing pieces I'm searching for I think I found my way home I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe
A thousand angels dance around you I am complete now that I found you
Lars was crying. But deep inside he knew he had done the right thing. Now that Nick was all right he could go on with his life without Lars in his life making it hard. It was going to be hard to forget about Nick, but he had to try. Lars too had to go on with his life. 'I can never look back,' he thought to himself.
"We are now about to land at Trondheim Airport, Værnes. Please fasten your seatbealts and make sure that the tables in front of you are in a secured position. We hope you have had a pleasant flight, and thank you for flying SAS."
Lars yawned. The stewardess had woke him up, but he didn't mind. He was happy to be home. He left the plane and walked into the arrival area. He looked around for his parents. It didn't take him long to find them though because his brother came running towards him.
"Hi Lars! Welcome back," Ninni, Lars class teacher pulled him into a hug.
Lars felt happy to be back at school and that he was taking his first step towards a life without Nick. Lars had told Brian to make sure that Nick didn't try to contact him nor come looking for him. Brian had reluctantly agreed.
Lars was standing in front of his class.
"I might as well tell you this now. You will probably hear it sometime anyway. I am gay. If anyone had a problem with that, so...screw you."
"I for sure is very proud of you Lars," Ninni said.
"So am I," Christian his best friend said and walked up to him and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
It turned out that no one had any problems with him being gay. No one showed it anyway.
Lars was sitting in his room listening to the radio. The family and relatives had just left. It was Lars' birthday. He turned 19. He didn't feel happy though. He missed Nick. He had tried his best the past two months to forget him, but he couldn't. A song on the radio captured his attention. It was "Hold on" by Sarah McLachlan.
Hold on Hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like hell Hold on Hold on to yourself you know that only time will tell What is it in me that refuses to believe this isn't easier than the real thing My love you know that you're my best friend you know I'd do anything for you my love let nothing come between us my love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I... at the crossroads I am standing So now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day and we will praise it and love the light that brings a smile across your face
Oh god if you're out there won't you hear me I know that we've never talked before oh god the man I love is leaving won't you take him when he comes to your door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell at the crossroads I am standing So now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day and we will praise it and love the light that brings a smile across your face...
Hold on hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like hell
'Let nothing come between us'. Lars cried. He knew that no matter how strong his love was for Nick, something would always come between them. He looked at the picture of Nick and Brian, which he had got from Brian. 'Forget and never look back,' Lars thought to himself as he set the picture on fire.
"And now we have a special birthday greeting to a very special man. Lars, if you are listening - this is a greeting and love from yours forever, Nicholas," the man on the radio said.
Open up your heart to me And say what's on your mind, oh yes I know that we have been through so much pain But I still need you in my life this time, and...
I need you tonight I need you right now I know deep within my heart It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right I really need you tonight
I figured out what to say to you But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong, oh yes they do And I know in time that you will understand That what we have is so right this time, and...
I need you tonight I need you right now I know deep within my heart It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more And baby I know I need you I know deep within my heart It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right I really need you, oh
I need you tonight - I need you, oh I need you baby I need you right now - It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this I know deep within my heart No, it's doesn't matter if it's wrong or right All I know is baby I really need you tonight
"Oh my God," Lars exclaimed as tear were streaming down his cheeks.
TO BE CONTINUED
So that was part 5 of my story. I hope you all liked it. Feedback is WANTED and you can e-mail your comments, suggestions and questions to chris_h81no@hotmail.com. I always reply to those who e-mail me. And I need to get some feedback now. I need to know if someone is reading the story.
"I knew I loved you" is from Savage Garden's "Affirmation" (c)1999 "Hold on" is (c) Sarah McLachlan "I need you tonight" is from the Backstreet Boys album "Millennium" (c)1999