Forever

Disclaimer ----------

The story contained in these pages is totally in the mind of its author. All rumor and innuendo aside, I do NOT have any idea of the true orientations of any members of the Backstreet Boys. Yes, children, all wishful thinking aside, they're probably as straight as we all HATE to think of them. So, this is my little reminder that this is what we like to call FICTION. Readers should realize that reality and fantasy are definitely (and unfortunately ;-) two different things.

Don't read this tawdry tale if you're too young. Don't read this tawdry tale if it's against the law. If it IS illegal where you live, you need to consider a relocation!!!

And now...'Forever'...

Chapter 79

The phone rang again. This was the fourth time in the last hour that it had. I stared at it from across the room. I debated getting up and answering it. But, I was afraid it was Kevin. And I was afraid of what he was going to tell me.

I'd thought I was over my...my fears of his being bi. I'd thought that I had accepted it as just another facet of him. I'd thought that I was strong in my belief that I was enough for him, that he wouldn't decide he wanted or needed to be with a woman.

The phone call yesterday morning had proven me wrong. I'd basically plunged into a pool of self-doubt and fear and...jealousy. I was pretty much drowning in it at the moment.

I'd spent all of yesterday and a good portion of last night, at work. Fortunately for me, unfortunately for everyone else in the office, we'd had a pretty major failure shortly after I got in. I'd been able to bury myself in work until nearly 8:00 last night.

Kev had tried to call last night. I hadn't answered the phone. He must've thought I was busy or sleeping, though, because he didn't call again. He'd left a message, although I couldn't bring myself to listen to it.

I'd gone into the office early this morning, `forgetting' to take my cell phone with me. I knew Kevin had my office number, but I could ignore it all day if I needed to. Anyone who needed to could page me for an emergency.

The phone quit ringing. I continued to stare at it. I didn't even get up to see if anyone had left a message. I just stared, going over everything in my head.

Could he do this to me? We'd been through so much together. Could he really toss me aside? He'd never seemed like that kind of person. He'd always been trustworthy. How well did I really know him? Michael had changed after several months of dating. Could Kevin change, too?

I went back and forth in my head. Trusting Kevin, doubting Kevin, trusting him, doubting...doubting myself. It all boiled down to me. It all boiled down to my own doubts about me, about how I could ever deserve him, how I could ever keep him.

The phone rang again. I made a decision in that moment to answer it. I stared at it another ring before I got up and walked over. The caller ID registered as unavailable. I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Dylan, finally," Kevin said. I didn't respond.

"I've been tryin' to get in touch with you since yesterday," he spoke again. I still didn't say anything.

"Dylan?" he questioned me.

"Yeah?" I answered quietly.

"What happened? What's wrong? Did you get your results back?"

"Yeah, I did," I replied.

"What were they? Come on, sweetie, you're scarin' me," he said, his voice starting to sound frantic.

"They were clean. I'm fine. No HIV," I said, still softly.

"That's great news, D!" he exclaimed, the relief noticeable in his voice. "Why didn't you call me?" I hesitated before I answered.

"I did call, Kevin. Your guest said you were sleeping," I said.

"Guest?" he asked.

"The woman sleeping with you on Sunday night," I replied.

"Oh," was all he said when he finally spoke. That was enough for me.

"Yeah, that about sums it up," I said. "Goodbye, Kevin," I whispered.

"Dylan, wait, it's not what." I hung up the phone. I switched off the ringer, shut off all the lights, and checked the locks on the doors. Then, I proceeded to crawl into my bed and cry myself to sleep.

"Anna, I need a few days off," I said to my boss the next morning. "I can take it without pay, if necessary, but I have to leave." My voice was barely a scratch in her office.

"Dylan, this isn't really a good time to be gone. Testing isn't going all that great, and to have one of the leads taking off right now," she stopped.

"Anna, I have to go. I can't stay here. If I have to, I'll," I paused. "I'll quit if necessary, but I have to leave town for a few days."

"Look, Dylan, I've been very lenient with you since you started here. The unexpected time off, the travelling with your fiance's," I couldn't help but flinch when she said that, "music group. Every odd request you've made, I've given you the leeway to go with it. Because, frankly, you're a good man to have around."

"But, I need you to actually BE around. I can't keep having you disappear when we reach critical periods," she said. She studied me some more. I didn't look up from where I was staring at the floor. She came to a decision.

"Take the laptop with you and check in once a day," she said. "But, this is the last time, Dylan. I can't keep showing you this special treatment. It's not fair to the rest of the people in your group, or the rest of the people in the department for that matter."

"Just tell `em someone close to me died. They'll understand then, and it won't be too far from the truth," I said. I didn't wait for her to respond before walking out of her office.

I grabbed the laptop from my desk and walked out to my car. I'd already packed a bag with some clothes. Tonight, I'd call Lindsay and leave a message for her, letting her know I'd left. She'd be at work, so I wouldn't have to talk to her directly.

I was leaving Tampa for the next few days. I had no plans on where I would go, and no idea what I'd do when I got there. All I knew was that I needed to drive. I needed to get away and think.

I needed to straighten myself out before I could try to straighten my relationship with Kevin out. I was walking too thin a line at the moment, and I wasn't going to last much longer like this.

The nightmares were back, worse than ever. I wasn't sleeping again. When I was awake, all I could do was think of Kevin, debate with myself about what he might've done. When I was asleep, I had dreams. Dreams of being raped and beaten. Dreams of being shot. Dreams of horror and death.

I took off across the causeway, heading out towards the coast. I just wanted to see the water, to look out at that vast expanse of ocean. I figured it was as good a place as any other to start my trip.

I made a decision when I got there. I'd never been north of Clearwater before. So, I decided to head north, and see where I ended up. I pointed the Grand Prix towards the panhandle and started my journey.

Chapter 80

Three days later, I was in Texas. I'm not sure where in Texas, as I'd stopped really paying much attention after the first day. I wasn't going anywhere specific, just wherever the road took me.

I'd worked my way across the southern states. I'd bypassed New Orleans, as I'd wanted to avoid reminders of Kevin. But, I'd checked out other places along the way in Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana.

I'd been right to leave. The drive was what I'd needed to clear out some demons. I'd come to grips with Stan Reilly. After all, he may've been a nutcase, but he was also in jail. There was nothing he could do to hurt me anymore. Running from him, even in my mind, felt like I was justifying his argument about gays in general and me in particular.

As for Michael, he still occupied part of my thoughts, but not as much as before. The realization that I was HIV free played a large part in that, I suppose. I spent my time, on the road and off, remembering what my therapist had told me during the long visits after I'd moved to Denver.

I went over everything that Michael had done, every inch of my relationship with him. The start, where everything was wonderful and exciting. The middle where everything started to fall apart. The end...where my nightmare began.

And, I came to realize that I was alright. That what he'd done to me didn't matter anymore. He was a speck in my past, something that I had to move on from. I couldn't let him have power over me anymore. He'd done enough damage in my life. I couldn't let him keep doing more. No matter what.

And through it all there was Kevin. I knew I'd slammed the door on him. I hadn't given him a chance to explain anything. I'd once again let my fear get the best of me. Now I had to decide what to do about it.

And that was why I was still on the road. I still had demons to work out, and I couldn't do it back in Tampa. I needed space. And I needed time.

I'd kept my word to Anna, checking in on a daily basis, usually twice a day just to be safe. She wasn't happy with me, but she reluctantly accepted my absence.

I knew a decision was going to have to be made there. I couldn't keep doing this. It wasn't fair to her, and it didn't reflect well on me. I needed to decide if the job was right for me anymore or not. That would depend on Kevin, I guess.

I hadn't spoken to anyone except Anna since I'd left. I'd left Lindsay a message on Wednesday night, as I'd planned. I'd asked her to take care of my cats and told her she shouldn't worry too much. I was doing fine, working out my problems.

I hadn't checked my messages or had any contact with home at all. Not even my e-mail. Basically, I'd disappeared off the map as far as my friends were concerned. For a while, anyway. It was what I needed at the moment. And it was helping.

Three more days, and I was at my journey's end. Los Angeles. Where I guess even my subconscious mind knew I needed to be. It had made the decision for me the first day when I'd turned north instead of south.

I pulled in towards evening. I'd spent most of yesterday and this morning in Phoenix. I hadn't been there in over a year, since I'd taken Gram from her home there back up north to stay with my parents. It turned out to be her final trip.

It was hard going back, facing the ghosts that were there. I'd spent a lot of time in Phoenix over the last fifteen years. And all of that time was with her. Not having her there on this trip made it especially rough.

But, in a way, it was cleansing. I'd stopped by her old house and talked to the couple that owned the place. The wife was pregnant, expecting to deliver their little girl in another month. Both were incredibly excited about it, and saddened to hear about Gram's death. They'd been her neighbors for the final two years she was there. When they told me that the baby's middle name would be Elaine, after Gram, I cried. It was a nice gesture.

I wound my way through traffic to Kevin's hotel. I pulled up into the driveway and sat there. I was scared to go in, but I knew I had to face the music. I had to face whatever Kevin had to say.

I gave the keys to the valet, noting his name in my mind so I could hunt him down in the event he did anything to my car. I normally never used valet, but I was anxious to get this over with. I wanted to face it before I lost my nerve.

I walked over to the elevators. I didn't bother with the front desk. For one thing, I knew they wouldn't tell me anyway, and for another, I already knew his room number. I pressed 14 when I got inside.

To my surprise, no one was in the hall when I stepped off of the elevator. When the guys toured, they often posted a security guard in the hall, just in case a wandering fan got in. Maybe this time they didn't because they were staying here so much longer.

I walked straight to Kevin's door. I was hoping he was there. If I had to leave and come back, I probably wouldn't have the guts to do it. I raised my hand and knocked firmly on the wood. The door opened a minute later.

"Yes?" a woman answered. She had auburn hair and pale skin, with very unusual green eyes. She wasn't what I'd call attractive, but being gay, my opinion probably didn't matter.

"I'm looking for Kevin," I said.

"Dylan?" I heard his voice coming from inside. A moment later, he opened the door and stared out at me.

"Hi, Kev."

Chapter 81

"Oh, baby, thank God," was all he said before taking me in his arms. I relaxed into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder and putting my hands on his waist.

"I take it you're glad to see me?" I asked, half-joking and half- afraid. He pulled away, putting his arms on my biceps and shaking me.

"I should kill you for putting me through this," he said sternly. Then he pulled me in tight against him once more. "But yes, I'm glad to see you," he whispered. A throat cleared behind him. He squeezed me one more time before turning to introduce me to the woman.

"Dylan, this is Aimee. She's the assistant the studio has working with us while we're here. Aimee, this is Dylan," he turned to look me in the eyes, "my fiance." I was relieved that he said it.

"It's nice to meet you, Dylan," she said, holding out a hand, which I shook. I didn't say anything, though, just nodded. I turned to Kevin.

"Kev, I think we need to talk," I said quietly. He nodded.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Aimee said, quietly excusing herself and walking down the hall. Kevin stepped back, inviting me into his room.

When we got inside, he pulled me into his arms again. He held me tight, laying his head on my shoulder. I lay mine on his, too. We just held each other for a bit before he spoke.

"God, D, we've been so worried about you. Lindsay said you'd left town, and none of us knew where you were. You didn't answer the phone, didn't call, nothing. And after our last talk..." he let that sentence die. I pulled back from him, looking into his face.

"I had to leave, Kev. I had to get away so I could think, so I could sort things out," I said. I sighed, turning away from him and walking to the window.

"I was still having nightmares, Kev. About Michael, about Stan. Then, that woman answered the phone when I called, and I just...snapped. So, I took a few days off work and started to drive."

"Why didn't you call anyone, why didn't you keep in touch with Lindsay at least?" he wondered.

"Because, Kevin, I needed space. I had to be alone to deal with this stuff. I couldn't depend on anyone this time. I needed to work things out on my own." I turned back to look at him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. And I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance to explain about," I faltered for a second, "about that woman who answered the phone. But there was so much going on that I just couldn't handle it all at once. So, I hit the road and dealt with what I could a bit at a time."

"Dylan, the woman who answered was Aimee," he explained. I braced myself for the rest. "We were working late the night before, finalizing plans for the rest of the week. I offered to let her sleep here so she wouldn't have to drive home. She took the bed, I took the floor." He took a breath.

"I never even heard the phone ring, and she didn't mention that someone had called until after the last time you and I talked. And then it was too late." He stopped a moment, staring at me. "Nothing happened between us, D. You have my word."

I just nodded, not sure what to say. It felt like there was a gulf between us, that there was something still keeping us apart. We stared at one another a while.

Kevin reached out a hand. I looked at it a moment before I tentatively reached out a hand of my own and took his. He squeezed it for a second, then pulled me into his embrace again.

It felt right. It felt perfect. It felt like...home.

"Ah, Kev, I love you. I'm sorry I took off. And I'm sorry I doubted you," I said.

"I love you, too, D," he said. "I just wish there was some way for me to convince you that I'm not gonna leave you for some woman. Or even a man for that matter."

"You don't have to, Kevin. Not anymore." I pulled just far enough away to look in his eyes. "I promise. Please believe that." He searched my eyes a moment longer, then finally nodded. I slid back into the comfort of his embrace.

It was inevitable, I suppose. After all, rarely did a moment of solitary closeness go by between Kevin and I that wasn't interrupted by...

"Kev, it's Nick, man. Open up."

By Nick. I loved that guy as a very good friend, but I really needed to work on his sense of timing. Frankly, it sucked.

Kev shifted away from me to open the door. I put a hand on his arm, stopping him. I figured I'd say hello to Nick myself. I walked over and opened the door. Nick was facing down the hall.

"Kev, we need to talk about Dy," he turned to face me, "Dylan! You're here!"

He was obviously glad to see me, judging by the fact he reached in and grabbed me in a tight hug. He lifted me off the ground, even.

"Easy, Nicky," I said. "I'm old, and my body can't take the abuse!"

"Whatever, DJ," he scoffed, putting me back down. "Man, it's good to see ya. We've been damn worried since Lindsay called the other day."

"Sorry about that, Nick," I said. "I needed to get away, so I went walk-about. Or drive-about as the case was this time. And, I just ended up here."

"Lucky for you. Lindsay'd probably kill you if you ended up anywhere else," Nick replied.

"Actually, Nick," I said, turning to slide an arm around Kevin's waist. "I ended up exactly where I belong."

"Finally," Kev threw in.

"How long're you stayin'?" Nick asked.

"Well, that hasn't really been decided, yet," I said, hesitant to commit to a date. I needed to talk to Kevin about a few things.

"Hope you can stay a while," Nick said.

"We'll see, bud. Now, Nick, I have two favors to ask ya," I said.

"Shoot," he replied.

"One, would ya mind giving Lindsay a call and letting her know where I am and that I'll give her a call tomorrow?"

"No problem," he said. I nodded.

"Two...could ya get outta here for a while? I'd like to seduce my fiance now," I chuckled as I said it. Kev gasped. Nick's eyes got a little huge, but he started to laugh a few seconds later.

He turned and walked to the door. He made a show of taking the `Do Not Disturb' sign off of the knob. When he opened the door, he again made a show of putting it on the knob outside just before he pulled the door closed behind him.

I turned to Kevin. He still had a slightly dazed look on his face, but it was fast being replaced by something else.

"You wanna make up for lost time, Kev?" I asked, smiling at him.

He didn't answer. Not with words, anyway. His lips came down on mine a moment later. His tongue immediately demanded entrance to my mouth. I gave in quickly.

Our hands were all over each other then. I slid my hands up under the t-shirt he was wearing. I rubbed them across his back, kneading the muscles under my fingers, feeling the heat of his skin.

Kev didn't bother lifting my shirt. He just grabbed it at the collar and tore it. I guess he was a little more anxious about my disappearance than I'd thought. But his hands felt too good on my body for me to care about the shirt.

We stroked and caressed each other as our tongues battled. His slid along mine, gliding around the inside of my mouth. I could feel his breath on my face as we continued to kiss.

I moved my hands to his waist, frantic to get him naked. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel every part of him. I couldn't get enough.

I finally managed to get his jeans open and pushed them down his hips. I wasted no time in sliding his underwear down along with them. And then he was naked, just as I'd wanted him.

He was working on my pants at the same time. He was having trouble with my belt, so I quickly reached down and opened it for him. I left the rest to him so I could return to stroking his body.

I slid my hands around his waist, running them down to cup his hot, tight ass. He was so beautiful, so...perfect.

My pants and boxers joined his on the floor. He wrapped his arms around me, moving me to the bed. He pushed me down on the bed, landing on top of me. Our mouths separated for the first time.

"D, baby, I've missed you so much," he whispered in my ear, just before he took it in his mouth. I pretty much lost my mind then, so all I could do was moan in reply.

I wrapped my legs around him, feeling the heat in his body, feeling his hard shaft grind into me. I couldn't wait to have him inside of me. I needed him so bad.

"You want somethin', D?" he asked, leaning up to look down at me with passion-filled eyes.

"Oh, Kev, I want YOU. Please, baby, don't make me wait anymore," I pleaded with him.

"Uh uh, D," he shook his head as he pushed his shaft into me again. "We're gonna do somethin' a little different."

I looked at him, puzzled. He didn't say anything else, just dropped his mouth back down on to mine. A second later, I forgot he'd even said anything about `different'.

Suddenly, Kev shifted off of me. Before I could even react, he reached down and flipped me over onto my stomach. I started to lift up to look at him, but he fell down on top of me, pinning me back to the bed.

"Kev," I started to say, but he didn't let me continue.

"Shhh. Don't talk," he whispered into my ear. I fell silent

He pressed down into me. He slid his arms along mine, locking our fingers together. I could feel his hard shaft resting between the cheeks of my ass.

"Don't move," he whispered again. He kissed my ear lightly, and then his weight was gone.

I did as he asked. I stayed still, my breathing still heavy. My hard cock was pressed down into the mattress. I could hear Kevin moving around the room. A moment later, he was back.

He knelt in between my legs, nudging me to spread them further as he again moved his hands to mine. I slid my legs apart, allowing him to edge forward more.

His chest came down on my back, and his teeth lightly nibbled the back of my neck. I shiver ran down my spine, and I couldn't suppress a gasp.

"Kev," I said, the breath catching in my throat. Once again, he simply told me not to talk.

His cock found my ass then, and I knew why he'd left me. He'd slipped on a condom and put a generous quantity of lube on. He moved to the entrance of my hole.

Without warning, he slid in. All the way in. A cry slid from my lips. I wasn't ready for him, for his size.

"I'm sorry, D," he whispered, kissing my neck. "I couldn't help it."

"'s alright, Kev," I gasped. "Just...just lemme get used to you. Please?"

He settled his full weight on me, keeping his cock resting in my ass. He gently kissed and nibbled on my neck. His hands stroked mine. I gradually relaxed under him.

I shifted my hips, letting him know I was ready for him. He didn't say anything, just continued to kiss my neck as he slowly started to pull out of me.

He stopped just before he slid out, pausing before he moved back down in me. Our breathing was once again speeding up, getting heavy. The heat between our bodies was amazing. He felt so good there, now. The initial pain of his entrance had passed.

He continued to stroke into me, his rhythm gradually increasing. It wasn't long before he was pounding into me, rough and hard and fast. And I loved it.

"Oh, Kev," I moaned under him. He sank his teeth into my neck where it joined my shoulder. I groaned harder.

Faster. Deeper. Harder. The end was near. We were both building now. Every one of his strokes pushed my throbbing dick into the bed. I thrashed under Kev, pushing my hips up to meet his strokes.

"Dylan!" he called my name as he thrust into me one last time. I felt his cock surging in my ass as he shot his load into the condom. The feelings triggered my orgasm, and I unloaded into the sheets under me.

Kevin fell on top of me, his weight pressing me down into the bed. I could feel the sticky sensation of my load under me. And the warm sensation of my man on top of me. Life was beautiful.

To be continued... ------------------

Well, no cliffhanger this time. Things're about to take a dark turn in the near future, so I thought I'd give y'all a break.

Note again -- new email: djs-tale@cfl.rr.com

L8r!!