Disclaimer ----------
This story is fiction and completely in the mind of its author. The author makes no claims as to the sexuality or personality of any based-on-reality characters you may find here. It's fantasy, kids. Remember that.
Don't read this story if you're too young, or if it's illegal where you live. Frankly, you should consider finding a new place to live if it's illegal, cause it must be a damn boring place where you are now.
Enjoy!
And now...'Forever'...
Chapter 112
Howie met me at the airport back in LA that night, along with a bodyguard I didn't recognize. I was surprised to see him, something he obviously picked up on immediately.
"Kevin got called into a meeting to work out some details, so I told him I'd come and pick you up," he filled me in. I just nodded, not really in the mood to talk.
I'd left Lindsay's house immediately after talking with Nick. I'd just told her that I'd call her another time and explain it. My thoughts and feelings were so scrambled I wouldn't have been able to make any sense of it for her, anyway. She'd been very understanding.
I spent the hours before my flight at the beach, staring out over the ocean. The calm rhythm of the waves helped to soothe me, although they didn't provide much in the way of answers.
"It's not your fault, ya know," Howie's voice brought me back to the present, away from my meandering thoughts.
"What?" I wondered.
"What happened, it's not your fault," he reiterated.
"I'm not really so sure about that, Howie," I replied quietly. "I should've seen it coming, should've caught it before it got out of hand. Should've done...SOMETHING."
"Dylan, don't be an idiot," Howie said. "You were focused on Kevin, which is exactly where you needed to be focused. He needed you."
"I know, Howie, but...so much happened the last few months, and it was all right under my nose. I just feel like I could've..."
"Dylan, enough," Howie interrupted me, obviously frustrated. I'd rarely seen him this way. He was usually fairly even-tempered. "You and Kevin are both driving us nuts about this. What happened, happened. NEITHER of you could've done anything about it!"
"But...Nick's leaving the group, Howie," I said quietly, looking over at him as we walked out into the cool LA evening.
"What?" he asked. That clearly caught him by surprise.
"Nick left, and he doesn't know how to come back. When I asked him if he would just walk away from you guys, from the group...he just sat there. He wouldn't answer me," I said. "I don't think he's planning on coming back." I reached over and stopped him, staring into those dark, soulful eyes.
"And, even if it's not my fault, it IS because of me," I said. "He's in love with me. Maybe you're right, and I couldn't stop that. But the fact is that, if I hadn't been here in the first place, none of this would've happened. Kevin wouldn't have been hurt, Nick wouldn't have left the group, none of it."
"Yeah," Howie agreed, nodding. "All too true, Dylan."
I stood stunned, just staring at him. I couldn't believe that he just agreed with me. It hurt that Howie felt that way. He continued to stare at me, his feelings inscrutable to my searching eyes.
"It's all true, Dylan," he agreed again, almost pleasantly. "So, you think you should just leave now? You think that maybe Nick'd come back if he knew you weren't here? Do you think life would be just a bed of roses for us without you?" There was a trace of sarcasm in his voice, something Howie rarely resorted to using. He put a hand on my shoulder.
"Or is it just possible that you're where you're supposed to be?" he wondered, his voice again soft. "That Kevin would be utterly miserable without you? That maybe Kevin would truly grow to hate Nicky if you left over this? Or that he'd grow to hate Nick just for causing you to feel this?" He stared at me. I could feel a tear sliding down my cheek.
"And maybe, just maybe, if you stay, we have a whole lot better chance of finding some way to work this out?" he asked softly.
I didn't have anything to say, but I knew he was right. If I did leave over this, Kevin would be miserable. And, maybe not at first, but eventually, he'd grow to resent Nick for it. If the guys ever got together again, there'd be a lot of animosity between the two. If I stayed...maybe they could put it together again.
"Ya know," I spoke thoughtfully, "I always wondered if I could be the cause of a break-up in the group. But I sure as hell NEVER thought this is how it'd go down." Howie just gave me a small smile, dropping an arm across my shoulder and starting me walking once again.
"Don't count us out just yet, Yoko," he said, playfully referring to the woman held, in some circles, responsible for the break up of another famous `boyband' of sorts. "We've been in a lot tougher spots in the past. We'll find a way to get by this." He gave my shoulder a squeeze as we made our way to the car, followed by our stone-faced bodyguard.
Kevin wasn't in our room when I got back with Howie to the hotel. Howie asked one last time if I was okay before excusing himself to go to bed. He'd indicated on the ride over that the guys had a pretty long day planned the next day, so I'd imagined he'd be needing some sleep.
It was getting late, and I'd been time zone hopping all day. I was ready to hit the sack myself. I was just wishing that Kevin was there with me. I sighed before turning into the bathroom.
As I slid between the sheets a few minutes later, my mind drifted back to what Howie'd said at the airport. I tried to get myself to truly believe that none of this was my fault, but I was still having trouble. Nick was about the closest thing I had to a best friend, and I couldn't help feeling I'd let him down these last months.
I lay in the bed, working over everything in my head, getting myself more and more depressed over all that'd happened. Eventually, I drifted off, unable to keep sleep away any longer.
I woke up some time later to the feeling of a hand stroking the back of my neck. It was one of those places where I loved to be touched. And one of those places Kevin loved to touch me.
"If you aren't Kevin, I swear I'm gonna jump out of the nearest window," I said sarcastically, only partially joking about that consequence. I wasn't ready to find yet another unexpected visitor in my bed. The low toned chuckle that followed told me it was the man it was supposed to be.
"Don't worry, D," he spoke softly. "It's me." I opened my eyes to find him staring into them.
"Thank God," I sighed. "I don't think I could handle another one of those." He smiled.
"How're you doing?" he wondered.
"A lot better now," I replied truthfully. Just being near him like this was helping beyond words.
"I'm glad to hear it," he said. "Howie told me about your trip. I'm sorry, Dylan. I wish it'd worked out, for your sake if not ours."
"What're you guys gonna do?" I asked. I saw a flash of uncertainty pass his face.
"I'm not sure. Just keep on working on the album as much as we can and hope Nick comes to his senses," he said. "We're gonna try to keep things under wraps about him for now."
"Kev, I'm sor," I began, but he cut me off.
"No, Dylan," he said, putting a finger to my lips. "No more apologies. No more `coulda, shoulda, woulda' crap. From either one of us." I lifted an eyebrow, surprised at his resolved tone. He smiled before explaining.
"Brian had a long talk with me today. Basically, the guys're sick of you and I second-guessing ourselves and want us to stop. Or they're gonna tie us up and toss us in the ocean," he said.
"Howie didn't put it quite that way, but he did sorta mention they were a little tired of us," I told him. He nodded.
"So, no more of this. What's happened has happened, and we just have to deal," he said. I studied him a second before nodding my head.
"Agreed," I said.
We lay there together, just staring at one another. Kevin's hand went back to stroking my neck. Every now and then, one of us sighed and snuggled just a bit closer. Eventually, we were touching completely.
"Kev," I whispered, reaching a hand up to slide across his neck and into his thick hair.
"Yeah, sweetie?" he whispered back.
"Make love to me?" I asked.
He didn't need to answer with words.
Chapter 113
I wish I could say the next week was perfect. I wish I could say that Nick just up and appeared on our doorstep, or at the door of our hotel, anyway, and that all was forgiven and forgotten. I wish a lot of things.
Unfortunately, that wasn't how things unfolded. The remaining four guys went back into the studio, trying to salvage what they could of the album. Quite a few of Nick's vocals had been done already, but Nick was still one of the leads in the group. Without him around for changes and reworking, things just didn't flow well.
Kevin put in long days, disappearing from bed near dawn and not returning until late each night. He was exhausted, I could tell, but unwilling to ease up. He seemed driven to make this work, even though I think everyone came to realize that it wouldn't happen without Nick.
I spent a lot of time at the beach, just gazing out over the Pacific for hours at a time. I even had the sunburns to show for it, but I didn't really care. I didn't know what to do. In spite of all the words, I still held on to some small piece of responsibility for the recent events. I couldn't let it go.
I did spend some time here and there with the guys in the studio. I could tell that they were frustrated and unhappy with the work. I didn't want to add to their problems, so I made myself scarce most of the time. I don't know if the guys even noticed my absence. Well, one of them noticed, but he just let me be.
Howie finally called a meeting for Thursday. No one'd heard anything from Nick in over a week. Or no one said anything about hearing from him, anyway. To my surprise, Howie insisted that I be there, too. So, on Thursday morning, I found myself walking into a large conference room at the studio, tagging along behind Kevin.
We were holding hands. I think we both needed the moral support. I knew it was killing Kevin to have to come to this meeting. This was the meeting where they would actually acknowledge Nick's absence and try to determine what future the group might have without him.
It was a packed room. The other guys were there, as was Leighanne. I hadn't even realized she was going to fly in for a visit. When I stopped to think about it, I also realized that I hadn't even seen Brian in almost two days.
There was a veritable army of agents, producers, executives, and others from the guys' management teams present in the room. Outside of the other BSB and Leighanne, I didn't recognize anyone. So, I just hung back.
Actually, I tried to separate from Kevin and stand by the wall, but one look from him told me that wasn't gonna happen. He made a pointed gesture to the two chairs remaining empty at the conference table, AJ on one side and Brian on the other. I sighed and took the seat next to AJ. Kevin sat next to Brian and reached over to take my hand once more under the table.
"Gentlemen," one of the suits at the head of the table spoke up. "You called this meeting. What is it that got all of us here?"
Howie stood, which surprised me. Normally, Kevin would take on the lead role in a situation like this. At least, he always did in my experience. But, when I looked over to him, he was simply sitting there, his expression devoid of any feeling. If he hadn't been rhythmically squeezing my hand regularly, I wouldn't have even known he was feeling anything at all.
"We have some news that's gonna affect everyone in this room. We've been trying to keep it quiet, but it's just not gonna be possible anymore," Howie started until a cold voice interrupted him.
"Please, don't tell me," a cold, biting voice spoke up. A moment later, Allen Baker, former BSB manager, stepped out from behind another suit. "ANOTHER one of you has decided to join the `gay wave' and come out."
I had to admit to being surprised to see Allen again. We hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms, and it had been months since that night when Kevin gave him the choice to stay with BSB, and accept Kev and I as an item, or leave. He'd chosen to leave the group, but apparently he hadn't left the Firm as I'd originally thought.
Howie didn't speak. He simply stared at Allen, who stared right back. The silence in the room drew out, longer and longer. Throats cleared. Suits shifted in their chairs. Kevin squeezed my hand. And still nothing.
"Allen," the suit who'd originally spoken finally intervened. "That's quite enough. We all know about your feelings on that subject. You don't really need to share them, again." He turned to look at Howie again. "If you would continue?" Howie nodded and continued as though nothing had happened.
"Not quite two weeks ago, Nick Carter left the group for personal reasons," Howie said, quietly but with authority. A number of loud gasps met the announcement, followed by a noticeable shift of people leaning in closer to hear.
"And before anyone even asks," Howie said, holding up a hand, "the other BSB and I have already talked and agreed that Nick's privacy WILL be respected. We will not discuss anything about why Nick left. With ANYONE." Howie looked around, apparently letting everyone know he was serious.
"Why weren't we told anything about this sooner?" the man-in- charge at the front asked.
"We had originally thought that Nick's leave was temporary. However, it now appears," Howie paused, ever-so-slightly, and glanced at me, "that he probably won't be back any time in the foreseeable future." He paused, picking up Kevin's flair for the dramatic statement. "If ever." More gasps and shifting people.
"The other guys and I have been trying to make things work with the tracks we already had from Nick, but it's just not happening. So," he paused, making a room-sweeping gesture with his hands, "we're putting you all on notice that the new album, and possibly even Backstreet itself, is in trouble." Howie sat down, and chaos reigned.
"Are you ok, love?" I whispered to Kevin, leaning over to get close to his ear. He just looked at me, gave a single negative shake of his head, then turned back to the meeting. I squeezed his hand, reaching over to wrap my other hand around both of ours. I also moved my chair in as close as I could, pretty sure no one would notice in the general disarray in the room.
After Howie sat, the meeting truly began. The man-in-charge at the front of the room quickly quieted everyone down and began to assess opinions. The outlook wasn't really very good.
Restarting the album now would be financially devastating to the label, not to mention the decline in sales by having the group out of circulation for yet another delay. They'd already delayed several months due to recent events. Another delay would put them into a release after the new year started.
Everyone in the room argued back and forth, tossing out ideas, then rejecting each in turn. Kevin and the other guys participated as they had stuff to add. Kevin was noticeably quieter than the others, but he did seem to come to life more as the debate heated up.
"I think our only option," man-in-charge, whose name was Vic, finally said over everyone else's voice, "is to bring legal pressures to bear on Mr. Carter. Force him to live up to the contracts he signed."
"Absolutely not!"
"Out of the question!"
"Ain't gonna happen, man!"
Brian, Howie, and AJ all spoke at once. Vic turned to look at them and started to speak before Kevin interrupted him.
"Vic, you can't do that," Kevin said.
"Yes, Kevin, I assure you we can. And we will, if it means keeping this project going," Vic said, his eyes very serious.
"Vic, if you sue Nick, you might as well sue us all," Brian said. "We won't be willing participants in you going after our friend."
"Then what do you suggest we do, Brian?" Vic asked. "You've all said the current work isn't going to make the cut. You've also indicated that Nick won't be back to work on this album, or any other for that matter. And you won't let us bring the legal people into it, either. So, what would you like us to do?"
Brian didn't speak. He just slumped back into his chair. I noticed Leighanne reach in and give his hand a supporting squeeze. Howie and AJ were in slumped down in their chairs, also, obviously unsure where to go from here.
"Yes, not so cut and dried, now, is it?" Vic asked. He sighed and looked at his watch.
"Look," he said, standing from his chair. "We've been at this the entire day. Let's reconvene on Monday. I want everyone working on this issue this weekend. No skipping off for holidays. I want some solutions on the table on Monday, not a bunch of worthless bullshitting." Having said that, Vic turned and walked out the door, followed closely by several others.
The guys sat there until everyone else had cleared out. And then they sat there some more. No one said anything. No one even moved for several minutes.
Finally, I stood, pulling Kevin to his feet with me. I turned Kevin to the table and pushed him to sit on it. Then, I slid in between his legs and just hugged him. I felt him sigh against my chest as I stroked his neck and back.
"You passing those out, DJ?" AJ quipped from beside us. "Cause I could use one `bout now."
I knew he was only joking with me, but I opened one arm, anyway, offering him what comfort I could if he wanted to take it. A moment later, he stepped in and put his arms around Kevin and I. I squeezed him tightly with one arm as my other continued to stroke along Kevin's back.
I soon felt another set of hands on us. By the cologne I suddenly smelled, I knew it was Howie. I smiled, knowing Brian wasn't far behind. And I was right, as Brian joined the group hug a few moments later, along with Leighanne.
"What're we gonna do, guys?" Kev's voice floated up to us from against my chest.
"Whatever we have to, Kev," Howie spoke in that soft-but- authoritative tone I'd noticed earlier. "Whatever it takes."
Chapter 114
The guys decided to split up for the weekend. Long, frustrating days in the studio together had left them all up for some time alone. Brian and Leighanne went to Georgia to the house Brian owned there. He was taking Nick's leaving especially hard, and I think he needed the comfort of familiar surroundings.
AJ decided to head down the coast and `see what comes up'. He didn't really have any specific plan in mind. He only said that he'd be back on Sunday to try to help figure things out.
Howie flew back to Florida. He was in the mood to see his family, he said, so he was going to spend two days with them before returning on Sunday, also.
Kevin and I decided to just stay put in LA. I wasn't really in the mood to travel, and Kevin seemed ok with it just being the two of us. I was looking forward to two days alone with him.
We spent the day on Friday working out wedding details and trying to come up with plans. We kind of tentatively decided to postpone things for a few extra weeks. With all of the turmoil of the recent days, we just figured it would be easier to do something after New Years instead of trying to throw it together before.
We still hadn't told any of the guys. Too much had been happening since I got back to LA. There just hadn't been any opportunity. The same went for our families.
Friday night, we had a romantic dinner on the balcony of our room. It was one of the most relaxing moments we'd had since we left our vacation. After dinner was over, we lounged on a chair, Kevin stretched out in front of me, laying back against my chest.
"How're you doin', Kev?" I wondered.
"I'm alright, sweetie," he replied in that soft, sexy voice he used when he was relaxed, content. "Tonight really helped."
"I'm glad," I replied, kissing the top of his head. "I've been worried `bout you since we got back."
"I know you have, D," he said, squeezing my hand where it rested on his stomach. "And I love ya for it. But, I'm doin' ok."
"Are you? Really? I mean, with all that's happened...with Nick...the group..." my voice faded into the night.
Kevin didn't reply immediately. He just sat there, stroking the back of my hand, breathing deep and slow.
"Yeah, actually, I am," he finally broke the silence. "I'll admit, I wasn't for a while there. But...if Nick doesn't come back...if the group does break up now...it'll be alright."
I had to admit, I was really surprised to hear him say that. The group had been his life for nearly a decade. The guys were his family. Entertaining was what he did, who he was.
"Didn't expect that, did ya?" he said. I could hear the smile in his soft tone. I smiled myself.
"No, can't say I did, love," I replied.
"I've just been thinking today, is all. When we were trying to come up with stuff for the wedding, I realized that there're more important things for me now. If the group doesn't continue..."
"Yeah," I spoke up, "but...what're you gonna do? I mean, performing...being part of BSB...that's your life."
"I know, D," he replied. "But that's kinda my point. It shouldn't be my life...not anymore. Yeah, I love doing it. But, there are other things in life besides being part of Backstreet." He paused thoughtfully.
"I wouldn't mind helping other groups get a start. There's a lot of talent out there that can't get off the ground. For us, it was Lou that got us our shot. I wouldn't mind doing the same thing, and I think I could do a pretty good job of it. And, hopefully, do it with a little more integrity than Lou showed with us."
"I also wouldn't mind trying to do some acting. Maybe stage acting or something like that." He paused again, this time turning to look me in the eyes.
"There's any number of things that I'd like to try in my life. I'd love to have Backstreet continue for a few years. But, if it doesn't, then I'll try some of the other adventures."
"And," his voice softened as he raised a hand to my cheek, "hopefully, you'll be around to do some of that with me."
"Oh, Kev," I sighed, feeling a little sappy. "Of course I'll be around. What, did you think we'd get married, and I'd decide to move out or something? I'll be around as long as and as much as you can stand it."
"Glad to hear it, cause I'd hate to have to go back to sleeping without you," he replied, giving me a quick kiss. "Those damn king sized beds get a little lonely once in a while." I smiled at that.
"Just make sure that I'M the ONLY one who's easing that loneliness, buddy," I joked, giving him a half-serious look-of-death. "Otherwise, we're gonna be having a BIG problem!" He chuckled.
"I swear on...on...on my cut of the `Millenium' profits that I will NEVER take anyone besides you into my bed," he said, smiling.
"Hmmmmm...well, for THAT much, maybe I could make an exception..." I said thoughtfully. He gave me a light slap to the arm.
"Hey, I damn well better be worth more than that, man," he said.
"Ah, of course you are, love," I replied, giving him another quick kiss. "And I'd definitely better be the only one heating up your sheets for the foreseeable future!"
He leaned in and kissed me, then. This was one of those soft kisses that left me struggling to remember my own name and what planet I might be from. The depth of feeling that he could convey with just a touch of his lips was nothing short of breathtaking.
Some form of negative karma decided to pick that moment to catch up to me. I should've expected it, actually, since these things always seemed to happen just when Kev and I were starting to relax and have some fun together. Once again, a knock on the hotel room door interrupted us.
"Oh, for the love of...don't answer it, Kev," I said, dropping my head on his shoulder. He just chuckled at my obvious frustration.
"Dylan, it could be something important," he replied, trying to stand. I wouldn't let him up.
"How could it be important, Kevin?" I wondered. "Everyone we know who's important is out of town. Just ignore it, and maybe whoever it is will just bail." My words might've had an impact if there wasn't another knock on the door immediately after I finished speaking.
Kevin slid his way out of my arms, chuckling and shaking his head at me. I put up a good frustrated front, but inside I was very happy to see him acting more like the fun-loving Kevin I'd come to know and love. It was a good sign that he truly was coming out of the funk and frustration of the last week.
I didn't hear anything for several minutes. I began to wonder what was going on. I finally stood and walked over to the door, taking my wineglass with me.
"Kev, who is it? Publisher's Clearinghouse here to give me my..." my voice died when I saw the familiar silhouette in the doorway.
"Hi, Dylan," Nick said softly from where he stood in the hall. The wineglass shattered when it hit the floor of the balcony, sending a blood-red trail of wine across my bare foot and onto the white carpet at the edge of our room.
To be continued...