Hello again, readers. So, I was about 99.99999999% (I'm an engineer, I like to be precise) positive that I would NOT be posting anymore of 'Forever'. While the story is well into Chapter 53 on my computer, some things went on this last week that had me pretty much decided that I would no longer be posting. But, a few good friends (and I won't name names, you know who you are) got me to change my mind. So, many thanks (or blame, if ya don't like this) can go to them for this, the next segment of 'Forever'.
For those of you who don't care to overdose on sentimentality and general cheesiness, this is fair warning that this episode contains a pretty hefty dose of both. If ya don't like it, skip it ;-)
But, if you do like it, please let me know. While I tend to be pretty cynical about life in general, I do also have a (deeply) hidden sentimental streak that seems to be emerging in my little writing venture. I'd be curious if it's something that y'all like. Or if it just reeks of a bad episode of 'Days...'
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...the Disclaimer!
Disclaimer ----------
The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced) mind of its author. As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the other BSB is actually gay. If they are, and they read this, they should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to complain all about it. Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember that reality may be dramatically different.
Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you live. Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live. If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that you MOVE!!!
And now...'Forever'...
Chapter 29
I woke up the next morning to the feel of a warm body pressed against me. And, this time at least, there were no surprises as to its identity. That and the fact that he didn't have three inches of hair over his entire body were both pluses after the last few weeks.
I slowly opened my eyes, not wanting to disturb my sleeping man. I was on my back with Kev pressed up against my side. His head was on the pillow next to mine, just above my shoulder. I could feel him breathing against my neck, deep and even.
The arm closest to Kev was pulled up on my stomach, his arm resting on top of it. Our legs were wrapped up in each other. I knew if I moved, I would wake him. As I didn't have anywhere pressing to be, I decided to just let him rest.
And, speaking of pressing, it was about that time that I felt something else pressing against me. And it was about that time that I discovered just what an...excitable guy Kev is in the morning. It was also a good indicator of why he never wore anything to bed. He'd probably feel pretty...confined in just about anything he wore.
I lay there for a few minutes, just daydreaming a little. I drifted back over the last two months. My life had changed in ways that I'd never imagined. I'd had a pretty nice little accident, made an awesome new friend in Lindsay, settled nicely into my new job and my new city, and fallen totally and completely in love with a very wonderful, loving, and surprisingly down-to-earth man.
I wasn't sure if I should get too happy with how things had worked out so far. I had always been a `waiting for the other shoe to fall' kinda guy. I never let it consume my life, but there was always a part of me that was waiting for the universe to balance the scales. To strike a negative into all the positives to ensure that I didn't do TOO well. Perhaps an odd thing to be preoccupied with, but then I was sometimes a pretty odd kinda guy.
My little tour of `daydream-land' abruptly came to a halt when I heard a noise from Kevin. It sounded an awful lot like a moan. When I heard it again, I knew. It was definitely a moan. And, judging by the sudden slow hip motions he was doing, I figured that it wasn't a moan of pain.
Now I was faced with a little problem. Ok, maybe not THAT little. Should I wake him up and embarrass him? Or do I let him...continue and have him embarrassed when he woke up on his own? I decided to go with sooner rather than later.
"Kev," I called his name. He just moaned a little and pushed into my side again. I shook his shoulder and said his name a little louder, "Kev."
His eyes slowly cracked open. He started to stroke my arm where his rested on it. He leaned in and kissed my ear.
"Mmmmmm, I was having the best dream," he said. I decided to be a little evil.
"Yeah, I know you were," I moved my hand down and grabbed his shaft where it was pressed to my side. "And all I can say is that dream DAMN well better've been about me!"
He chuckled and pushed his hips into me one more time.
"Oh, you know it, baby. It was ALL you," he said, his voice all sexy and deep from just waking up. I turned my head and kissed him lightly on the lips before pulling back and looking in his eyes.
I squeezed his cock in my hand as I stared at him, letting him know that I was willing to do more if he wanted. He just stared back for a minute. I felt a surge of blood go through him, just before his hand guided mine away. He locked his fingers with mine before moving our hands back to my stomach.
"Baby, the next time we do anything, it's gonna be back home in Florida where I can spend an entire weekend just making love to you." His voice, and what it promised, sent a shiver through my body. He wrapped his arm tightly around me and pulled me back snug against him.
"Last night was perfect. Special," he continued. "I needed to be with you like that after everything that happened," he said softly. I just nodded. That was exactly how I'd felt, too.
"And today, we're not gonna have the time I want to take to enjoy being with you, so I'd like to wait if that's cool with you," he said, asking my permission, I guess.
"Kev, that's fine with me. I was the one who wanted to wait, remember?" I smiled at him. My lack of willpower where he was concerned was no real surprise. "And, you're right. Last night needed to happen. I needed you to see...feel how much I loved you. Words weren't enough."
He leaned in and kissed me again, lightly brushing his lips over mine. I felt his cock push into me again. It was incredibly erotic to me that he felt so comfortable with his body, so comfortable with me, that he could do that, especially since we'd both decided that we weren't going to do anything more yet. It just seemed to cement our relationship in a new way. It took our security, our comfort with each other, to a whole different place. And I liked it. A LOT.
Of course, no day in my life would be complete without an interruption at a totally shitty moment. Which is why the knock at the door a moment later shouldn't have been much of a surprise. It wasn't, really, but it was a major disappointment.
I slid out from under Kev, although he did try to hold me back. I gathered that he wasn't ready for the world to intrude again. But, all good things must come to an end,' or so I'd heard. Since having Kev naked in bed next to me went way beyond mere good,' it figured that it had to end, too.
I slid on a pair of boxers, grabbing my t-shirt on my way by. Despite Kev's lecture about shyness on the bus the other night, I'd always been a fairly shy person, and I wasn't really ready to be that open with the guys. Well, at least with one or two of `em.
I pulled open the door to see Nick's shining face. I really was gonna have to work on that chipper-in-the-morning streak of his if we were gonna stay friends. I decided to try to be gracious, although I didn't immediately invite him in.
"Mornin', Nick," I said pleasantly, blocking the door slightly. I guess the subtlety of the position was lost on him, as he just nodded my way before pushing past me and into our room. I sighed and shut the door.
"Hey, Kev, what's up, man?" I almost choked when Nick asked that. I looked over at Kev with a little gleam in my eye. He knew exactly what I was thinking, too, cause he smiled before answering Nick.
"Nada, Nicky. We just barely woke up," he said. Nice recovery.
"Cool. We were thinkin' about gettin' some lunch and thought you guys might want to tag along," Nick offered.
Kev looked over at me for approval. I nodded. Now that Nick'd mentioned it, I was pretty hungry. I was glad to feel that, actually, as it made me think maybe I was starting to be myself again.
"Yeah, sure. When?" Kev asked.
"Well, we're kinda ready now. Can y'all get ready quick?" Nick asked. I interrupted.
"Sure, Nick. Why don't you give us about 15 minutes? We'll hook up with you in the lobby," I said.
"Sounds good ta me. 15 then. Later," he said and turned to walk out the door.
I broke into laughter the second the door closed behind him. I fell onto the bed next to Kev, him under the covers and me on top of them. He was laughing with me. At least until he rolled over on top of me.
"Morning, love," he said. His mouth moved to mine, opening to give me a deep kiss. This was definitely a much better way to wake up than I'd experienced recently. I wondered if Kev would hire out as an alarm clock for me.
I remembered that we were supposed to be meeting the guys, so I pushed him off of me with a smile and walked into the bathroom. I quickly got myself presentable and headed back out to dig through my suitcase for some clothes.
Kev threw back the covers and stood. I noticed his moves out of the corner of my eye. I looked over, of course. He saw and smiled at me before raising his arms over his head, stretching with cat-like grace. I immediately felt like someone had hit me in the gut cause I suddenly had a hard time breathing. I probably would've blushed if I'd actually had any blood available for it.
And he knew it, evil man that he was. He dropped his arms, rubbing one across his chest as he made his way over to the bathroom. He chuckled the whole way over. I was gonna have to come up with some good revenge. Soon.
Chapter 30
The lights went down. The screams went up. And, for the third time in a week, I was watching my favorite musical group do what they did best. Entertaining 15,000 screaming teenagers, 500 `loving' parents, and one boyfriend, namely me.
I was once again in the little security section near the stage. Unfortunately, I was again surrounded by people instead of alone as I'd been that first night in St. Pete. The rest of the chairs here were filled with the people from the meet'n'greet session that the guys had done before the concert. At least I wasn't the only male in the group this time, even if I was old enough to've fathered at least a few of `em. I would've had to start pretty young, but it WAS possible.
The day had passed rather uneventfully. Lunch with the guys was ok, but I could still sense a little tension. Kevin would barely look at AJ, speaking to him even less. I got the impression that the other guys had probably let AJ have a little ass-chewing, and not in any sense that he would enjoy.
But, I couldn't really blame `em. What he did was wrong, and, even though he knew it, he still went through with it. Frankly, I thought the guys were justified in letting him know what they thought. They were, as I'd said before, a family of sorts.
Kev and I had hung out in our room afterwards, watching a movie with Nick. We took one bed, he took the other. Obviously, he didn't get enough sleep last night, though, as he fell asleep barely half an hour into the movie. Of course I only knew it was half an hour because his snoring was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep, wrapped around Kevin and totally happy for a time.
Kev and the guys took off around 3:00 to do some work at the arena. I guess they needed to be around for final prep for the show. Since I knew very little about the whole behind the scenes process at a concert, I could only guess.
I decided to stay at the hotel. I wanted Kevin to have some time with the guys when I wasn't around. I think he understood, cause he didn't protest too much. Just enough to let me know he'd miss me, though.
Tom came and picked me up a couple hours later. I was going to go to the meet'n'greet session that they were holding, although I still wasn't sure it was a good idea. I didn't want to be the source of still more trouble or tension between the guys. But, `Kevy knows best' I guess.
The meet'n'greet was about what I'd expected. The guys came in to a room with a group of fans, mostly girls, of course. I stood quietly, off by myself, watching.
They really were good with their fans. They signed autographs for the group, took pictures with them, even managed to just smile when the occasional girl got a little too excited and stole a kiss. Or tried, as the case may be. Each one got at least half a dozen proposals for marriage.
Nick seemed to have the biggest following there. That didn't surprise me. I'd long since heard that he was considered the cutest. While he was a pretty attractive guy, I personally think a lot had to do with the fact he was fairly close to their age. The other guys were in their 20's, and to a teenager, that's considered old. Kev was probably retirement age in the eyes of some of the fans. But then, so was I.
Brian came in a close second for fan count, although his tended to be some of the older, more self-controlled types. I think his quieter manner probably attracted the more serious fans. But, he could be a screwball, too, when he wanted, which was another reason he was a favorite in the crowd.
AJ was pretty subdued during the whole thing. I think the fans picked up on it, cause he didn't seem to be getting a lot of attention. I guess he still had a lot on his mind. Once in a while, I'd catch him looking at me. I'd usually just look back and nod once, letting him know that I was fine.
After one of these glances, I looked over at Kev and saw a frown on his face. I just smiled, letting him know it was ok. I didn't want him scarin' all the devoted kiddies surrounding him.
I felt bad for him. He had some major trust issues with AJ where I was concerned. Actually, so did I. They had a long ways to go before that trust would be restored. I knew it had to bother him to feel so distanced from someone who was normally a pretty good friend.
I found myself getting a little jealous of the fans surrounding Kev. I knew I really had no reason to be. For one, they were mostly female, for another, he kept looking up and smiling at me. Still, it was a little hard to share him with all those who loved him, even if they didn't know `the real Kevin'.
And then there was Howie. "Sweet D" was one of his nicknames, and I'd say he lived up to it here. He was always smiling, always friendly. He made even the most nervous fan, and there were a lot of `em, feel at ease. He talked in a quiet, easy way, making the occasional joke and drawing out the shy ones around him. He was definitely a sweetheart.
I even had the occasional visitor in my little corner. I gathered that they figured out that I wasn't really there to mingle with the guys. When someone asked, I was usually truthful about my relationship with the group. To a point, of course. The ones who talked to me all ooooh'd' and aaaahhh'd' when they found out that I was friends with the guys and that I was hanging out with them tonight. I was becoming a five second celebrity, I guess.
Once the meet'n'greet thing ended, the guys wandered back to their dressing room, me tagging along behind. I was the last one in, and Kev locked the door when he shut it behind me. I quickly found myself pulled into his arms on the couch, snuggling, necking, and just generally givin' the guys an overdose of sugary-sweetness. I guess the excitement for the performance was building, cause my guy was gettin' randy.
All too soon came the tap on the door. Knowing the drill this time, I wandered out and met up with Tom. He took me out to my seat, again promising to come back to pick me up after it was done. I was beginning to think that he was my own personal guard or something.
The guys started the show, rising up out of the center of the stage and tearing into `Larger Than Life'. I chuckled. Nick had managed to get himself in front of me again. He looked down and gave me a smile. At least I think it was to me. Twenty-five girls around me all started screaming about how Nick had just smiled at them, too, so I could've been wrong.
It didn't take Kev nearly as long this time to get Nick outta the way. He was in front of me before `Larger' even ended. He and Nick had a little fake shoving match going on in front of us, obviously jokingly fighting over this side of the stage. Of course, this drove the fans around me totally over the edge. Two of the Backstreet Boys were fighting over who got to sing for them. If they only knew the truth.
About halfway into the show, there was a little change in the program. The guys had gone off for a costume change, but instead of the usual jammin' fill by the band, they settled into a slow, easy background rhythm. The crowd started to mellow a bit as the music washed over them.
Kevin came up from the middle of the stage looking devastating, as usual, wearing a tight black tank top and a pair of khakis. He walked to the opposite side, facing the audience there. I wanted to stand so I could see him, but I knew the people behind me probably wouldn't be able to see well, so I restrained myself.
"Hey, everybody," he said. The crowd screamed. "How're y'all doin' tonight?" The crowd screamed louder. "Well, since we are in the great state of Texas," he paused to allow yet another scream, "we thought we'd do somethin' a little special for ya." I didn't really think that the fans could get any louder. I was pretty much dead wrong there.
"This next song is one of my all time favorites, mainly because of the talent of the artist who originally recorded it. We got the privilege of performing this song with her a year or so ago in Miami. You may've heard of her. Ms. Shania Twain." The crowd went insane. This was definitely country music territory. And I knew exactly which song he was talking about.
"Tonight, it just seemed right to do it again," he paused here. "Ya see, I kinda screwed up recently," he said. The crowd couldn't believe it, of course, and told him so. He just smiled a little and lifted his hand. "Yeah, I did. Pretty good, too."
By this time, I was hanging on his every word. He started walking around the stage, slowly heading in my direction. I knew what was coming, but I was having a hard time believing he was actually gonna do this.
"See, I have this pretty good friend, someone who means a lot to me. And I did something that really hurt this friend of mine, something that probably shouldn't be forgiven," he said. The crowd had quieted. I think they were in as much awe that he was doing this as I was. He was about halfway to our side of the stage now, and he continued on.
"Well, this friend is a good friend, a great friend, actually, cause they're givin' me a second chance. We talked it over and decided that we would make a fresh start, carry things on forward instead of dwellin' on what happened before. This song is dedicated to my friend, and to all of you out there," he pointed to the audience around him, "who've made mistakes with relationships you've had, and wanted the chance to start over. It's my reminder, to myself and y'all, not to dwell on the past, but to embrace the future."
As he said this last part, he stopped in front of me, right at the edge of the stage. He was looking over my head at the audience as the music started. I recognized it immediately. I'd guessed right about what he was planning. I realized that it was pretty appropriate for the time, for what he and I had gone through last night. And I was still totally stunned that he was actually gonna sing it. For me.
As the intro rounded out and the first verse came up, Kev dropped his head down. He looked at me. Stared into my eyes, right there in front of a few thousand fans. I doubted any of `em could really tell who he was looking at, but it still made my heart take a leap as he started to sing.
From this moment, Life has begun. >From this moment, You are the one. Right beside you, Is where I belong. >From this moment on.
From this moment, I have been blessed. I live only, For your happiness. And for your love I'd give my last breath. >From this moment on.
Howie rose up from the middle of the stage and moved to another side of the stage as he took over the melody line.
I give my hand to you with all my heart. Can't wait to live my life with you, Can't wait to start.
You and I will never be apart. My dreams came true because of you.
Brian was next, adding his voice to the verse as Howie faded out. Bri moved up to one side of the stage next to Howie.
From this moment, As long as I live I will love you I promise you this. There is nothing, I wouldn't give. >From this moment on.
Nick came in next, taking one of the sides next to Kevin.
You're the reason I believe in love, And you're the answer to my prayers, >From up above.
All we need is just the two of us. My dreams came true because of you.
And, finally, AJ came up to stand to Kevin's other side, taking the melody as the other guys harmonized behind him.
From..This..Moment, As long as I live I will love you I promise you this. There is nothing, I wouldn't give. >From this moment
The rest of the guys let their voices fade as Kevin took the last lines, solo once again.
I will love you, As long as I live. >From this moment on.
And his eyes again met mine as the last note died. The crowd hushed for an instant. I didn't blame them. The guys had done an amazing job. It was even more amazing if you knew that they'd only come up with that today. I guess that was where they went when they said they had to get things ready.
There were tears streaking down my cheeks. I probably would've gotten a strange look or two from the crowd around me if they hadn't all been drowning in tears themselves. Well, it helped that Kev was still standing right in front of us. They were all too fixated on him to notice one slightly-older guy crying in the front row.
Chapter 31
The hush of the crowd vanished as they surged to their feet and screamed like I hadn't heard em yet. This time, I jumped up with em. If someone couldn't see, screw `em. They could stand on a chair.
The guys waved to the crowd. They had forged a sort of bond with the audience while they did that song. It had almost been like a duet, with the guys as one part and the audience as the other. The reaction of the crowd showed that they had definitely gotten into the song.
The concert moved on from there, although I was barely aware of it. My mind was still on the song. It had long been a favorite ballad of mine. I actually had the performance that Kev had mentioned they did with Shania on tape. It was a beautiful song, sung by a beautiful guy.
Before I knew it, the guys had said their good nights and the crowd had started breaking up. I didn't wait for Tom this time. I stood up and ran back to the guys' dressing room. I had my pass out, so no one stopped me on the way.
I knocked, waiting for someone to open the door. Brian pulled it open, inviting me in when he realized it was me. I just nodded at him, my eyes taking in the room, searching for Kev.
He walked in from the bathroom that was in the back corner of the room. I just ran to him and grabbed him in a hug. He wrapped me up tightly in his arms.
"Oh, Kev, that was so beautiful, baby," I said softly against his neck. "Thank you."
He didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. He just held me, made me feel safe and loved. The other guys just hung out around us, leaving us to savor the moment.
We separated after a few minutes, although not all the way. I turned around in Kev's arms and faced the guys.
"Guys, you too. You did an excellent job. The harmonies towards the end were amazing," I told them, letting them know how well they'd done. "How'd you pull it all together so fast?"
"Well," Howie spoke up, "Kev had Tom get the ball rolling this morning right away. We had to work out a bunch of legal stuff, using another artist's song and all. But, we lucked out. Shania's people were reachable and didn't have a problem with us using it. We owe her a favor, though," he smiled at that.
"Once we got all that worked out," Brian jumped in, "we just had to get the band on board. Since it's a pretty easy song instrumentally, they caught it pretty quickly. The biggest problem was Kevin," he said, tossing a grin his cousin's way.
"Why is that?" I asked, turning to Kev again.
"Well, my range isn't exactly equal to Shania's. So, we had to rework a little to bring it down into a key I could handle. Bri's a pretty good songwriter when he needs to be," he smiled at his cousin. "I had wanted to do the song as a solo, but the guys thought it'd be better if we all did it."
"Yeah, kind of as a way to say `we're sorry' for the way things started out," AJ said, looking me in the eyes. "We all wanted a chance to let ya know we wanted to start over." I nodded to him. It was basically what we'd agreed to do last night.
"I don't know `bout y'all," Nick broke in, "but I'd kill for a hot tub. You ready to head back to the hotel?" A round of "yeah's" answered him. We gathered up our stuff and headed out to the limo.
Once we got back to the hotel, we all separated to our rooms to change. Everyone had decided to join Nick in the hot tub. I'd mentioned that I hoped the pool area was still open, but Nick just smiled at me.
"Well, if it's not, I'm sure we can talk `em into opening it," he said.
"Of course, Nick. You're the Backstreet Boys," I threw a little sarcasm at him.
He just laughed, as did the other guys. I guess there were at least one or two minor perks associated with world-wide fame.
Kev and I actually made it to the hot tub first. I was a little surprised, having assumed that the rest of the Boys would beat us there. We settled in to enjoy the heat. I sat next to him, trying to maintain a little bit of distance since we were in public. Sort of.
"Mmmmmmm, this feels SO good," he sighed. I just laid my head back and kind of grunted my agreement. Our legs touched under the water. With the jets on, it was impossible to see us, so I just pushed mine further and tangled them up with his. That was how I felt it a few minutes later when he tensed up.
"Hey, guys," AJ spoke up quietly. I waited for Kev to say something. When he didn't, I nodded to AJ myself.
"Hey, AJ. How's it goin', man?" I asked.
"Ok, I guess. A little tired from last night, still," he replied.
"Yeah, it was a long night for all of us," I said. I slid a hand under the water and touched Kev's thigh briefly. I wanted him to try to join in and talk to AJ a bit.
"Sure was, mostly cause of me," AJ was saying. I thought for a second before saying anything.
"AJ, can I tell you something before everyone else gets here?" I asked. He slowly nodded. I guess he figured he was due for another chewing out session. "I'm glad that last night happened."
Needless to say, this wasn't the words either of them had anticipated. AJ looked just baffled. Kev looked a little hurt, and just a little pissed, too.
"Glad?!?!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah, Kev, glad," I said calmly. "Look, something like that was bound to happen sometime. Maybe not this early in our relationship, but the test would come. You're a very famous, very sought-after singer. And, while I'm not famous, I do get out and socialize once in a while. Since I can't very well announce that I'm dating you, odds're good that I'm eventually gonna be the target of someone's affections."
"I know it's not ideal that AJ was the one to start this," I said, nodding in AJ's direction a little, "but the fact of the matter is that it's better that it was. Now, we can all deal with what's happened without having to worry about lyin' about our relationship or who it's with, in my case. We can just argue about it openly, deal with everything `in the family,' so to speak."
"Plus, now that you and I have gone through this, our relationship is a lot stronger. We trust each other more, which, I think, will help ease some of the stress of being separated these next few weeks. I love you, Kev," I said a little shyly, "and last night just helped me realize it all the more."
The guys thought about it for a minute. I really did hope it made some difference, what I'd said. I knew it was a far from ideal situation, and having one of his `brothers' do that really hurt Kev, but it could've been far, far worse.
"I guess you're right," Kev said, a little reluctantly.
"Of course I am. I'm always right," I said, lettin' my inner smartass come out for a moment. I smiled to make sure he knew I was just joking with him. He chuckled back.
"Yeah, I suppose you're right," he said. His smile faded as he turned to AJ. "Look, I'm not gonna lie and tell you that I forgive you, cause I can't. Not yet. But, I guess I haven't exactly been showing much willingness to try. And, ya do deserve the chance," he paused and a smile slowly spread on his face, "but if you EVER try to hop in bed with D again, I will shave your head bald and replace all your clothes with cheap knock-offs from Wal-Mart. No more Versace or Armani or even Tommy. Got it?" AJ laughed, looking relieved.
"Yeah, man, got it. I think that threat's worse than Dylan's threat-o-death last night," he said, grinning at his once-again friend.
Ah, mission accomplished. Was I good or what?
The other guys joined us a few minutes later. I had no idea what took `em so long, but given the smug look on Howie's face, I was starting to figure it out. I think the guys had pulled a fast one on us.
We stayed in the hot tub for an hour or so, but we were all tired. My flight was due out early in the morning, and I needed some rest since I'd have to work tomorrow. The guys had a second show, too, so we all trudged up to our rooms and went to bed.
Kev and I showered together to wash off the chemicals from the hot tub. It was very sensual, very beautiful. After drying each other, we slid between the sheets of the bed. I snuggled up to his side, resting my head on his chest as I started to drift down into sleep.
"Love you, Kev," I said.
"I love you, too, Dylan," I barely heard before falling asleep.
Chapter 32
"System Development, this is Dylan," I answered, using my `yes-I- know-what-I'm-talking-about' professional voice.
"Hey, lover," said the sexiest voice on the planet.
"Hey, babe. How's the day going?" I asked.
"Pretty good. We're in between meetings and stuff at the moment, so I thought I'd call and say `hi'," Kev replied.
"Well, I'm glad you did. I miss you," I said softly. While most people in the office knew about me being gay, I didn't want to advertise that I was involved just yet. That led to too many of those "we should all get together" couple-type invitations. And, given the status of my boyfriend, I didn't figure that was a good idea.
"I miss you, too. That's why I called to talk to you," he said. Since he didn't get quiet, I gathered that he was someplace private. Or, at least someplace alone with the other guys. Or Tom, I guess. That guy was just kinda everywhere.
I'd been back for just over a week, now. It had definitely been tough adjusting to normal' again. My life here just seemed like it belonged to someone else. As cheesy as it sounded, and it definitely registered high on the cheese meter', it felt like my life really started when Kev and I got together.
There were two things that made getting back to normal difficult. One was that I had a lot of trouble sleeping. Even in the few days we'd been sharing a bed, I'd gotten used to his presence. His warmth next to me, the sound of his breathing in the dark, and, occasionally, the sound of his heart beating next to me.
The other thing that made it difficult was just the everyday stuff. My day just seemed empty if he wasn't there to start it with me. I was used to being able to spend time with him, even if it was just sitting together in a hotel room.
But, life moved on. We both had our careers, and mine kept me close to home in Tampa. Maybe that would change some day, but, for now, I was happy in my job, so I wanted to stick with it.
My time away was fairly full, though. I'd decided that, if Kev was going to be any kind of regular visitor to my place, I'd probably better check about moving to someplace a bit more private. At the very least, I wanted to try to find a place in a neighborhood or community that had secured access. At least that way, if someone did follow him, it'd be a little harder to get to him.
So, I was house hunting. I'd never actually done that before. I'd always been a renter in the past. But, since land was fairly inexpensive in the area, I thought I'd check into actually buying my own place. Not much luck, thus far, but I guess it was supposed to be a lengthy process.
We usually talked on the phone at least once a day. Some days, it amounted to just `I love you' before we went to sleep. Since his was the shifting schedule, we usually talked when he had the time. There were nights when he called at 2 or 3 in the morning. This actually made me kinda happy since it meant he was getting out with the guys and having fun.
There was only about another week and a half before he got home. I was practically counting the seconds. Well, actually, I WAS counting `em. As a joke to Lindsay, I'd written a little program that counted down the seconds before he got home for me. Every time I talked to her, I made sure to update her. She really appreciated it.
Occasionally, he would call during the day. Like today, for instance. It was usually just a quick call, to let him know he was thinking about me. But, it was still nice to hear.
"What's up for the rest of your day?" I asked, rejoining the conversation.
"Well, we're supposed to do a spot for MTV. We're recording a little interview with Carson Daly, and they're gonna play it on TRL tomorrow," he said.
"I'll be sure to set my VCR," I joked. Actually, I probably would. I hadn't seen my man in over a week. I was having some serious withdrawals. "You slackers off after that or do you have other stuff, too?"
"We're basically done for official stuff. The guys and I are going to go do a run-through of the show this afternoon. We know everything pretty well, but it never hurts to practice, and we still catch each other doing things wrong."
"Hmmmm, sounds exciting. Far more exciting than the rest of my day. I'm in code review meetings all afternoon. Talk about a snooze. But, gotta be done, I guess," I said.
"What're you doin' tonight?" he wondered.
"I'm gonna head over to Lindsay's. I told her I'd have dinner with her tonight. We haven't really had much chance to be together since I got back. I've been pretty busy trying to find a new place," I told him, feeling a little twinge of guilt. I'd been ignoring Lindsay because I wanted to keep my mind off of obsessing over Kevin.
"Are you having any luck there?" he asked.
"No, not really. But, I'll keep plugging away. I'm bound to find the right place eventually," I said.
"Yeah. It's too bad I don't live down there, you could just move in with me," he said. I was surprised at the offer. We hadn't been together that long, after all.
"Maybe. Then again, I like having my own place. It's nice to be able to just toss my shit wherever and not have to worry `bout a roommate," I joked. He chuckled. I heard a voice coming near him in the background.
"Hey, sweetie, I've gotta take off. We're getting ready for TRL," he said, softly. I knew he wasn't alone since his voice got so quiet.
"Ok, love. I'll talk to you later," I said. "I love you," I whispered.
"Love you, too," he whispered back. Then, in a more normal tone, "I'll catch up with you later."
"Sounds good. `Bye," I said.
"'Bye," he answered back. Then he was gone.
I pulled up in front of Lindsay's just after work. She wasn't working that night, so we'd decided to do dinner and watch some movies she'd rented. I was about half scared to see what she came up with. It always seemed to be an adventure with her.
Joey was, of course, ecstatic to see me. It was nice that someone appreciated my presence, I guess. I'd have to take him to meet the princesses (aka my cats) one of these days. I'm sure they'd appreciate him as much as I did. Or not.
Lindsay was all smiles, of course. The woman was perpetually cheerful, I think. It was really pretty disgusting. But, nobody's perfect, I guess.
"Hey, baby, how's it going?" she asked. I decided to play `drama queen' and let out a huge, depressed sigh.
"Oh, ok, I guess," another sigh. "Just trying to get by a day at a time."
I must've been a pretty shitty actor. She didn't believe me at all. I guess it was a good thing I didn't decided to do that Broadway thing after all. I chuckled.
"Ok, Ok. It's going good, actually. Work's been keeping me busy, and challenged for a change. My last job was SO boring I about wanted to shoot myself. Home life's a little harder to deal with, but I get by," I said.
"Yeah, it's tough to do the distance thing. But, you should still be in the `call 20 times a day' phase of the relationship. Give it a few months, or even a year, and you'll barely notice he's gone," she smiled at me.
"I have a hard time believing I could ever not notice it when Kev's away. He's always in my thoughts somewhere, even if only in the back of my head."
"Well, the touring thing's pretty likely to calm down eventually. The fame won't be forever," she said.
I stopped and thought a second when she said that. It was entirely possible that she was right. The odds that the guys would maintain their current popularity were pretty low. Even if they managed to last past their `boyband' stereotype image, they would probably settle into a more relaxed schedule.
Well, I guess it didn't matter at that point. If their popularity faded, Kev was likely to move into something else in the music business anyway. If it didn't, then they would continue to do what they did. I wouldn't stand in his way. I couldn't.
"Maybe," I replied to Lindsay's observation. "Then again, they could be doing this when they're in their 50's like Cher." I said that with a smile, joking with her. She laughed along.
"So, you ready for some dinner, yet?" she asked me.
"Nah, let's just relax for a while. Catch me up on your life," I said. I wasn't really hungry, yet, so eating dinner wouldn't be that satisfying.
"Well, not much has been going on. I'm still on nights at the hospital, so my days're pretty much sleep-time. I do have some cool news, though." She had a little gleam in her eyes. I could tell she was excited.
"Oh? What is it?"
"I'm going on a cruise! A week, cruising around the Caribbean," she said. I could hear the thrill in her voice.
"Cool! How'd you manage that, Ms. `I'm-always-broke'?" I gave her a dose of shit.
"Well, some of the people at work decided to get together and book one of those group vacation breaks. The discount was pretty good for the group, so I was able to pull it off."
"Sounds good. So how come I wasn't invited?" I asked.
"Cause, it's in two weeks. We leave the day after Kev comes back. Do I need to draw you a picture from there?" she smiled at me. She knew very well that I would not be leaving the day after my boyfriend finally got back to town.
"Well, as long as you have a good reason for ditching me, I guess it's alright," I joked back with her. "Who knows, maybe you'll meet some dashing, eligible, hetero male!"
She seemed to tense up for a second at this point. I wasn't sure why, but it only lasted a second, anyway. I thought maybe I'd imagined it.
We had a quiet evening together, catching up and just enjoying one another's company. Before I knew it, it was time to head home. Work came on pretty early in the morning. I said good night, gave her a hug, and took off for home.
John Norris' voice came at me from the living room. I HAD recorded TRL that day, just like I'd told Kev I would. I'm sure he thought I was joking, and I was equally sure that I wasn't going to tell him. I'd feel a little silly. Mention of the guys brought me back to John.
"Certain fans of the Backstreet Boys may face some disappointment tonight. Kevin Richardson, the band's oldest member, announced today that he's `off the market' these days." I smiled, laughing at the truth in that statement. The next one, however, wiped the smile off.
"The band's management team, the Firm, released a statement later that confirmed Richardson's, adding that he had proposed to his long- time girlfriend. Fans will remember the mention of her in the article for `People' magazine that named him as sexiest pop star of 1999. The Firm again declined to release the future Mrs. Richardson's name, saying only that they are very happy together and are looking forward to the wedding," John concluded.
I stumbled to a chair and sat down. Long-time girlfriend?' Very happy together?' `Wedding??!?!' What the hell was going on?
I was working myself up pretty good. I was pissed. Kev didn't feel this was worth mentioning, perhaps? I'd never heard anything about a girlfriend, either from him or from the other guys. I vaguely recalled something about that article mentioning someone, but I never read the article so I couldn't be sure.
I tried to calm down, to not jump to conclusions. Kev and I'd decided to put our faith more heavily in each other, that we'd make sure that we got the other's side of the story if something like this happened. No more of what happened with AJ.
I stood and began my usual stress habit: pacing. I decided to head over to the fitness center and work out some of my frustrations. Kev had a show tonight, so I wouldn't be able to talk to him until later. And we WOULD be talking tonight.
I called and left a message at Kev's hotel, indicating that I'd called and that it was very important that he return my call that night, no matter the time. I tried not to sound too stressed out on the phone, as I didn't want the clerk at the desk to note anything about me. Then, I grabbed my workout stuff and headed for the weights.
"Hello?" I drug myself out of sleep and answered the phone.
"Dylan?" Kev's voice came through the line at me.
"Hey," I said, glad that he'd finally called. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was nearly 2:00am. "What're you doin' out so late?" I asked.
"We decided to hit a club after the concert cause we were all pretty keyed up. I just got back and got your message. What's up, sweetie?"
"I think that should probably be my question, Kev," I said. "I saw the MTV News spot on you today."
"What news spot?" he wondered. I was hoping that he actually didn't know and wasn't trying to spare my feelings or some shit.
"The one where Kevin Richardson announced that he was off the market' and that the Firm said that the future Mrs. Richardson was very happy and looking forward to the wedding," I said softly. He was quiet.
"Dylan," he began, then stopped. "It's not what you're thinkin'," he told me. Well, that answered that. He did know.
"Kev, I'm not thinking anything, man. We said we'd always get both sides of the story and not jump to conclusions. So, I'm getting the other side of the story. I'm not thinking anything," I said. My voice was a little rough. I think he knew I was upset, despite what I'd told him.
"Dylan, I talked to our management last night before the show. I told `em about you, about us. This was their idea, to keep suspicion off of us."
"And why didn't you mention your `girlfriend of many years'? before now?" I asked.
"Because it didn't really occur to me," he began.
"Didn't occur to you?!?!" I broke in. "Half the world reads in People' magazine that you have a girlfriend, and it didn't occur to you' to tell your BOYFRIEND about her?"
I got a little upset. I knew that I shouldn't have flown off the handle, but that seemed like a detail that one would normally SHARE with the one they loved. He sighed.
"D, I'm sorry, ok? I screwed it on that one. I should've told you, but Kari and I haven't seen each other in years. Not in that way, at least. We're just friends now. She knows about me, and she's ok with me mentioning her from time to time. This way I don't have to constantly lie about involvement with someone else."
"No, you just lie about involvement with me," I said quietly, then thought about something he'd said. "You said that you and," I stumbled on the name, "Kari haven't seen each other in a while. `Not in that way,' you said. So, I take it that you've dated her before?"
"Yeah, about 8 years ago. It was before the guys really got together," he supplied.
"You're bi, then?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.
I'd always had problems with the idea of dating someone who `sat the fence' so to speak. One of my oldest friends was bi, and she'd pointed out something to me years ago when I'd mentioned that it must be nice to have the choice available. She'd told me that it wasn't so much that she had the choice. It was more like the fact that there was no one sex, male or female, which had everything she was looking for. With guys, she always found something missing. Same with girls.
I knew it was pretty silly, but I'd always been worried about dating someone bi after that. What if he decided he wanted to be with a woman? What if he decided that he couldn't be exclusive to me because of that? I was a pretty open person, to a point. But I didn't share my lovers. If you were with me in a relationship, you were only with me.
"Yeah, I'm bi, D," he said. I waited for him to enlighten me on that. "I'm bi in that I CAN be with both men and women. I don't have to have both to be happy. I am with whoever has my heart. And now, and I hope for a long time to come, that's you," he said softly.
I just sat there a moment. I believed him, and his words helped me feel a bit better. But, I still had a little doubt buried way down inside.
"D? You ok?" I could sense the concern in his voice. Even a little fear, maybe?
"Yeah, I'm fine," I practically whispered.
"Please, D, please believe me. I love you. Only you. And you're the only one I want to be with," he said.
"I know, Kev. I guess this is just a little tough for me to handle right now," I said. I paused a little before continuing, "I guess we're seeing one of the big downsides to the distance thing, huh? If you were here, able to hold me, this would be so much easier," I said with a sigh.
"Yeah, it would. I'm sorry this got sprung on you like this, Dylan. I'd wanted to wait until we got home, but management wanted to jump on it right away. I didn't talk to you last night, so I didn't get a chance to tell you about it," he apologized. I knew by the sound of his voice that he was truly sorry.
"It's ok, Kev. These things happen, and they're gonna happen with us. Let's face it, ours isn't the most normal of relationships," I said with a forced laugh. He joined in, although I could tell his laughter was as faked as mine.
"Oh, yeah, normal definitely doesn't cover us," he said.
"Listen, Kev, it's late. I know you've got stuff tomorrow, and I've gotta work. I'll talk to ya soon, ok?" I asked.
"Ok. You're sure your alright with this?" he questioned, the concern evident in his voice again. I had to be honest.
"No, Kev, I'm not, really," I said softly. "It's gonna take me a little time to get used to this whole thing. I'll be ok. Eventually."
"Ok. I understand. I'm so sorry this happened like this, Dylan. Truly," he apologized again.
"It's ok, Kev. It's not your fault, like I said. Just don't worry about it, ok? I may be having problems getting it sorted out, but WE are still ok. I still love you more than anything, and I don't resent you or distrust you because of this," I tried to reassure him. And myself, too. It didn't work on me, unfortunately.
"Thanks, D. I appreciate you saying that. Just promise me that if you start to doubt, if you start having any problems because of this, you'll let me know. Ok?"
"Promise, Kev," I stated. "Now you'd better get some sleep. The guys'll never let me live it down if you fall asleep during an interview or somethin'," I joked.
"Yeah, you're right there. G'night, D, sleep tight. And don't ever forget how much I love you," he said in that soft drawl of his.
"I love you, too, Kevy. I'll talk to you soon," I whispered, hanging up before it could go on any more.
To be continued... ------------------
FYI, there probably won't be a cliffhanger for a while. I was looking for one before posting tonight, and didn't really see anything in the near future that had one. 'Course, I could be lying...