Forever and Always
**Disclaimer
**
**This is a story involving gay characters and their relationship. If you are expecting wild monkey sex then please move your attention to another story. The author, as in me, retains the copyright and the authority over this story and distribution or re-posting of this story through any other medium or to any other site is to be done by my consent only.
Any grievances, compliments, queries or requests to the author are to be directed to the address at the bottom of this story. Flames will be ignored or laughed at. (Muah ha ha)**
I sat down on the slightly wet green grass. It had become a weekly ritual now...even after 5 years. I dusted the stone and read the name one more time, I placed the rose on it and smiled to myself. Well, I tried smiling, but those damn tears don't die down no matter how much you try fighting them.
"Hey! How are you?" Sometimes, it seemed stupid even to me. Yes, I was talking to someone who was long gone, he never replies, but more oddly, I always get my answers. Like I did when I used to talk to him, face to face. I know he came into my life pretty late but thinking in retrospect I can't think of my life without him, it seems as if he was always there... and still is!
He wasn't your regular guy. He couldn't be, he was just too special to be a stereotype. Not much outdoorsy but was calm, sweet, a bit aggressive sometimes but not the 'in-your-face' type...he was...is unique. Of course I am biased towards him...I love him, I'm in love with him. I found myself totally falling in love with him. Every time he smiled, the way he ran his hand through his auburn hair, the way he looked at me...my heart just skipped a beat.
***********
This is how it started...one day I just got a bunch of my favorite flowers at my desk. I had almost never been asked out by a co-worker before but hey he was cute, hot even. I decided to give it a go, but that meant I'd have to cancel my weekend plans with Ian, my best friend. As t turns out dating the guy was the best thing I'd ever done. I called Ian and told him that I had a date, he seemed disappointed but still urged me to go and said that he'd see me Sunday.
I had quite adroitly avoided telling Ian who the date was with. I hadn't yet come out to him... I wasn't ashamed or anything but... as clichéd as this may sound, I was waiting for the right time. He was just too good to scare away. I decided that I'd come out to him when I see him on Sunday.
The date with Jack (the colleague) was a blast. I had so much fun... it seemed that he was perfect for me, emotionally and physically (which I found out later that night) Jack was great...I mean he woke up early and made breakfast. After Jack left, Ian came over and we started talking.
"So?" he asked
"So what?" I asked back trying to copy his tone
"Who's the lucky girl? How was she?"
"Ahh right! The date. Well..." it was now or never, "she wasn't exactly a, 'she'...it was guy from my office."
I felt naked now. Like in that nightmare where you're late and run towards your class and finally get there only to realize your books are the only thing against your body. His first reaction was to snicker, and then he realized I was serious and then he looked shocked, then he went blank as if he was in turmoil. I started to say something when he smiled and reached out and hugged me. He accepted me, again. I knew it then that we were to be friends forever.
That hug lasted pretty long. We hung out throughout the day together, that day was special. It felt as if we were truly hanging out as friends for the first time. Suffice to say that I'll remember that day for the rest of my life. He still did ask me how my date with Jack was and if I'd be seeing him again. I told him everything leaving out certain details which I was sure he didn't want to know.
The next couple of days flew by like they didn't exist. Jack and I were doing great, Ian and my friendship could not have been at a better point...everything was perfect. Yes, it was the lull before the storm. My company was suddenly sinking which meant increased workloads. Fortunately, for Jack he worked in another department, so he didn't have to do much. I rarely got to see Jack... which meant I'd also be missing Ian for a couple of weeks too.
I kept in touch with both of them through phone whenever I had the time, but that too was rare. My boss was on my ass all the time, but I couldn't blame him, he WAS in a tough spot. I tried my best and by the end of the month everything seemed to be returning to normal but we still had to work weekends. Christmas was right around the corner and I still had no time to buy presents. It was just a week before Christmas when I was working late that our boss came out and told us to go home. He rarely ever cut anyone any slack, but hey, I wasn't complaining.
I packed and left as fast as I could before he had a change of mind. This was awesome... I knew Jack would be home and decided to surprise him. I stopped by a Chinese place and picked up some of his favorites. I drove up to his place, he had given me his spare key so this was going to be easy. I unlocked the door and crept towards his bedroom... what I would see next suddenly turned my life around. The bastard was cheating on me... with my boss. My eyes were now filled with tears, I ran for he door with Jack running behind me calling my name. I left, but not before planting a punch in his face.
I drove home or at least I thought I did... I ended up at Ian's place. It was late, chances were he was already in bed. I was going to drive away when I saw a light come on in his kitchen and before I knew it I was knocking his door down tears still flowing down my face. I heard someone open the door and saw Ian standing at the door in a white T-shirt and shorts yawning.
"Holy shit! What happened to you, Kevin? You ok?" he asked letting me in
"It's Jack..."
"What happened, is he ok?"
"He's fine. Safe in his bed...with my boss."
"That bastard." he said, surprised, handing me some coffee, "you wanna talk about it?"
"No...he's not worth it. Can I? Can I stay over tonight?"
"Of course you can...you can use the spare bedroom. I never needed it."
"Thanks."
I was thankful that Ian let me stay. I was also glad that we were sleeping in different rooms, I didn't want my heartbreak to trigger something, that I'll regret later. I couldn't sleep thinking about Jack by dawn I was feeling better, but I was still pretty bummed. I got up and found Ian coming out of his room. I told him that I was leaving but he convinced me to stay for breakfast. It felt good talking to him about it, he seemed really concerned, he was.
"Kevin, he wasn't worth you. You deserve better."
"Sure I do!" I said sarcastically
"No really! You're such a great guy. Any guy would be lucky to have you..."
"If I'm so good why am I still single."
"That's probably because you haven't met Mr. Right."
"Yeah...Yeah! Whatever!"
"Hey you wanna catch a movie? I know you like animation...and 'Finding Nemo' is playing..."
"You sure you don't have better things to do?"
"Better than you...not a chance!"
I went home and took a shower. I decided to take a nap before heading out for Ian's again. The sleep did me good. By evening I was walking down the street laughing at Ian's comments. It almost felt like nothing had happened. Soon we were in the theatre laughing our heads off. It was right when the shark attacks that I felt something. He had crept his hand on my shoulder, I didn't think much of it. He did that a lot, never during a movie but still... After a couple of minutes I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was staring at me. I looked at him and whispered 'what!' He looked as if he was trying to decide something and then it happened. His hand that had by now a firm hold on my shoulder pulled me in and he kissed me, flat on the lips. There we were, right in the middle of a movie, a couple of guys...making out wildly. And suddenly he backed out and we found everyone staring at us.
"Come on, we can catch it when it comes out on DVD." he said and we ran out of the theatre and caught a cab home. The ride wasn't long and we couldn't keep our hands off each other (the cab driver noticed, I'm sure) By the time we got to his door shirts were already coming off. Thank goodness we got into his apartment soon, before people called the fire department to hose us down. Shoes were kicked, shirts were ripped and pants were pulled; we were naked in 10 seconds flat.
He grabbed my ass and picked me up with my legs wrapped around his back. He carried me to his bed and hands were everywhere. I guess foreplay was taken care of on the ride back so we directly went for it. I don't want to describe the things that happened next because it felt sacred...even though it was sex. But, I guess I can tell you this whatever happened went on for hours and felt better than anything I've ever felt or imagined.
Morning came and my body was killing me. Damn, those positions. I found Ian still sleeping and kept staring at him. He looked even better when he slept. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for that!" he said
"You've been waiting...? Things would've been so easier if you'd told me that long before."
"I thought you were straight, and then when you came out you were already dating."
"Well, no use crying over spilt milk. Lets make up for the lost time."
And with that last sentence we had another round.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
That week was the most memorable week of my life. The only feeling that surpasses being in love is to know you're being loved in return. We did make up for the lost time in every way, we decided to do every 'couple' thing we could think of, it was awesome.
Christmas was only a couple of weeks away and knowing that I won't be lonely, was enough to get me on top of the world. We were 'happiness' personified. I loved him, he loved me...and no one could take that away, or so I thought.
Ian told me one day, "You think this week was good? Well, then Christmas is gonna blow you away!!!" He never told me what it meant, he said it was a surprise. I loved surprises but only when I knew what was coming, sounds like a paradox I know, but still. The next day Ian and I decided to have lunch together. I quit my job after 'you-know-what' so I took up a job managing a restaurant (favor for a friend) Anyway, Ian came over to my place of work (looking as if he was dressed for the prom) and we had lunch, the lunch seems to have happened in slow motion because everything that happened after was a flash.
Ian kissed me goodbye and said that he'd be waiting for me at home when I get there. He mouthed 'I love you' and walked out smiling. I saw him leave and turned around only to snap my head back on the loud screech of wheels outside and loud crash that followed. Everything that happened next including me rushing out, seeing Ian's lifeless and bloody face and the blaring sirens are now a part of my memory that's on the threshold of reality and a surreal nightmare... it's not vivid, yet somehow clear and unforgettable.
Weeks after the accident on Christmas eve, I realized I was doomed to be alone, forever. I never stopped crying. There I was wallowing in misery when the doorbell rang, the wiped my tears and answered the door. It was a package a small one, beautifully wrapped with a letter attached.
I opened it, the box had a thin beautiful chain in it... there was something about the design that I couldn't put my finger on... but it was gorgeous. It had a heart-shaped pendant, one that opened up to a picture of Ian and me. It was beautiful... I slowly unfolded the letter.
**Dear Kevin,
Chances are when you read this I'd be standing right behind you, I hope I am.
When I saw this I knew a year ago I had to get it for you, of course then I realized
giving you this might just freak you out, but now that I could, I didn't want to waste
my opportunity.
I know I may have already said this a million times, but I love you. That's all I
want to say, that's all I need to say, 'cause I know you love me too.
You complete me in so many ways. I hope that I'll always be a part of you and so will this.
Love,
Ian.**
**********
It's evening already. I blew a kiss to Ian promising to return next week like always. I called Josh on my way back and told him about my meeting with Ian, he understood... he always does. Josh is no Ian, like I said Ian was unique but I knew Ian would approve of him, actually he does and I know he does. Ian is still a part of my life like he always was, I still love him. They say it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. If you ask me, when you love... you never lose.