Francis

This story is for persons of eighteen years or over. All comments, good or bad, are welcome and all will be answered.

Part Two

Winter came and so did a letter just before the Christmas of 1946. It stated that I had been accepted into the catering department of the Merchant Navy and was to present myself to the training school at Gravesend in the following January.

So that Christmas was both a high and low for me. The high being the excitement that I was going beyond the confines of the village, which I'd not done before and out into the world. Out to see if I could make my mark upon it to show that me, Francis Gervaise Lyon, was a force that couldn't be ignored. The low being that I would have to leave my love, Donald, and of course, my two dear, but ageing aunts, the house and my own room.

It was also then, that for the first time in my life, I would have to have my hair cut. My blond hair that had been faithfully brushed nearly every night by my aunts and which hung down to my waist had to be sacrificed. I cried as my tresses were cut and laid on the table by my aunt who also cried as she wielded the scissors. They restricted the cutting so that it finished up at shoulder length and not in a military style. I've hated the sound of scissors ever since.

That Christmas was one of the gloomiest we'd ever had. After the Christmas service, Donald dined with us as he had now been doing over the past few years and did his best to lift up our spirits. But there was still that underlying current of anxiety for me as I would soon be leaving the nest. I would shortly be leaving those I loved, and they would be losing the one that they loved, albeit in their own way.

Donald and I made love as often as we could manage, doing it in every room of the vicarage, for the sake of memories. Even doing it in the toilet. He sat on the pan with his erection straight up for me to impale myself upon it by straddling him, both legs either side of the pan so that I was facing him. It was a good position for deep penetration and I could hug him close enough to squash my erection between us, so that as we moved, I could come over our chests at the same time that he came inside me. It became a favourite position with me, not on a toilet pan, but by using a stool or hard backed chair so that we could kiss at the same time as we loved.

On my last day at home, I spent most of it with Donald. We made love as many times as we could handle, and as the hour got later, we finished up in front of the fire. He was lying on the settee with me lying on the cushions, my head on his knees. His penis was flaccid after using it all afternoon and evening and was now lying limp in my mouth. I still kissed and sucked on it, storing up the taste, and burying my nose into his hairs to retain his smell.

It was a tearful goodbye and not one that I would like to endure again. After kissing him in a flood of tears, I ran down the path and across to my house and stayed in the bathroom till I could get myself under some control before saying goodnight to my aunts.

Next morning, I was up early and dressed myself for the first time in trousers, and how strange and restrictive I found them, and the bloody underpants almost strangled me. My aunts had packed my suitcase the night before and Donald had arranged for a taxi to collect me for the station in Trowbridge.

They made sure I had all my papers with me and Aunt Agnes gave me five pounds to buy anything I might need that they hadn't thought of. Donald also slipped another five pounds into my pocket, and although I protested, I still had to keep it.

`But I'll only be gone six weeks,' I said, but that didn't matter to them. It was better to have too much than not enough they said. So with wet eyes, we said our goodbyes and the taxi took me away from home.

It took me nearly all day to get to Gravesend, changing stations in London was very difficult, but I managed to get to the right one for my destination. When I got to the Gravesend station, I was just about to ask the way to the training school, when I heard another boy ask that question of a porter.

So I listened and then followed him. It wasn't that far, so we walked and I then saw several other boys carrying suitcases going in the same direction. They all couldn't have been wrong when we came to a building that looked more like a prison than anything else I thought. The walls were of a black stone and very high and had a great big wooden gate that looked as if could withstand a battering ram. I found out shortly afterwards that it had indeed been a prison; for women.

We were let into the place by a much smaller door off to the side and we were told to assemble ourselves in the yard. I counted sixteen of us when we were finally told to get into a line to hand over our papers. We then had to follow an officer who showed us where we were to assemble after being shown to our dormitory.

To me, this dormitory resembled a pig sty. It was a dirty, cramped, low ceilinged room, with four double bunks down either side. There was only one small window and this was absolutely filthy and at the opposite end to the door.

What with the lowest wattage of bulb they could find, the place was in almost darkness for no, or hardly any light filtered through that window. There had probably been more light in the lower decks of the "Victory" than we had there. There was a mad scramble for the bunks and I finished up with a lower one, which meant that mine was either used as a seat or more frequently as the stepping stone to the bunk above.

Well it was a nightmare six weeks. We weren't allowed out into the town for the first week, and being confined in that hell hole was diabolical.

The boys were dirty: they climbed into their bunks wearing their underpants that I don't think they ever took off for the whole time there. Socks too! They slept in them, and when I did perchance see one boy take his off, his feet were filthy.

I got ragged because I took a shower every night and every morning, and my hair, well. I was called all the names and epithets that they could think of, from nancy boy to queer.

Though I learned later that I did actually come under the latter name because of my predilection, but I was no queerer than the rest of them with their own filthy personal disgusting habits in respect of hygiene. I didn't understand most of the names I was called and if this was how boys behaved, I wanted to get out and become a girl again.

I must admit that I wasn't the only one they picked on. There were another three boys that they seemed to gang up on as well as me, so the four of us seemed to gather together for self protection, as this was going to be the only way we were going to survive.

But after two weeks of being humiliated, I struck back. I'd had enough and when the ring leader of the other twelve started on me again, I went for him. Now, in that last year, playing in the woods and fields with Donald, fighting and wrestling, wasn't meant to be a teaching lesson.

But I must have learned something. Whereas, Donald and I didn't use physical violence, here, I let myself go. I absolutely floored this big bully and had to be pulled off before I killed him. His face was a bloody mess and I was appalled at what I had done, but didn't know exactly what I was doing at the time.

He'd just pushed me too far and this was the result and it frightened me. I was still only about five five and he, nearly six in height, I didn't know what I weighed, but it could only have been what you would call a lightweight.

He spent two days in the infirmary and when we had an inquiry into the incident, all of the others backed down and said that they hadn't seen a thing.

After that, the four of us were strictly left alone. No one wanted to tangle with me. I actually got those other three boys to have respect for their bodies and got them to shower at least once a day, even though it was bloody cold that January. Whether it was fear of me, I never found out, or was told.

In the classes, I did very well, like how to lay a table correctly, though they were using less cutlery than I was really used to. How to make a bed the navy way. Well it wasn't much different to the way I used to make my own bed at home. That was one of my aunts rules, that the room was mine, but it had better be kept clean and the bed made properly, or else. I never gave them cause to let me know what the else might have been.

The other thing that me stand out was when we were shown a menu in French, and the officer who was taking that course tried to put us on the spot by implying that as we were considered cretins and would give us an English version.

Call it pride or whatever, but I stood up to him and asked to see the French menu. With what looked like a sneer to me, passed it over. I then stood in front of the others and in perfect French, read out the menu to them. Then I went back and explained what each item was.

When I finished, I sat down to a round of applause and cheering that made our teacher furious. He tried to round up on me but I was able to put him down on each count, which I shouldn't have really done, and later, I apologised to him, saying that he shouldn't take us all for cretins though I did agree with him that most of them were. I didn't know that a senior officer had overheard what I had said, and when he made his presence known, the other officer could only then accept my apology.

But apart from him, I had no other problems with the officers teaching us. There were no exams or things like that, but it was just a progression towards what we should know and be able to cope aboard a ship. They were well out of date at that school, for it was an entirely different life when at sea.

I was glad when the six weeks were up though. We mustered for our last meeting and awards were given and these also noted on our papers. I passed out at the top of the class, receiving commendations on all that I did, and I'm glad to say, so did the other three that had suffered at the beginning with me.

When we were formed up for the class photograph, I managed to drop my head at the last minute, because I didn't really want to be associated with them ever again. When we left, we were told that a letter would be sent within the next two weeks informing us of what ship and when we would be required to join it.

What a relief it was to leave that madhouse and get the train towards home, sanity, cleanliness and people who loved me. I had doubts as to whether I had made the right choice at all, but took hope in what an officer had told me just before I left. He said that I shouldn't lose hope by what I had seen in that place. They knew who had potential and their words were listened to when they gave their recommendations as to what ships the boys should be sent to. It was a small consolation but not one that I would pin my hopes on too highly.

I was only too glad to be on that train to London, and then across the city to the other station to be on my way home, to Donald and my aunts. If not only to see them, in that order, but to get out of the constricting trousers that I was sure had chaffed the insides of my thighs and get back into a dress again. I hadn't spent much of the ten pounds I had left home with, so I splashed out and got a taxi from the station at Trowbridge to take me all the way home.

It was getting late on that Friday night when I walked into the house, alarming my aunts by my sudden arrival. What a fuss they made! You would have thought I'd been away for years the attention I received. It was very late by the time I'd had the meal that they rushed to make me, and to relate my experiences at the school, heavily censored for their ears. It was so late when this was done that I couldn't really go across the lane to see Donald, so after many goodnight kisses, I went up to my room.

What bliss that was, to be able to take off those hated trousers without catcalls, and then take a bath and be on one's own before getting into a proper bed. Not a narrow bunk, and have clean smelling sheets and not listen to smutty jokes that came as soon as the lights went out.

I still jerked myself off, though I now had the freedom to do it without the guy in the top bunk shouting out that missy was wanking again. Wanking wasn't the only new word that I learned there. I knew now that Donald and I didn't make love, we fucked, though it was still love to me.

Of the other words, I don't know where to begin to describe all the other functions of the male in respective of their actions towards those of the opposite sex, and the non biological names of the both the male and female anatomy.

I also saw my first photo of what the female organs looked liked, and I was appalled at the misrepresentation that artists' had given to the world. So after coming into a tissue at the thought of Donald, I fell into a dreamless sleep in my very own bed.

The next morning was a sheer delight for me. No raucous shouts of "Hands off cocks, hands on socks" at six o'clock. A decent bath instead of jostling for space at a dirty washbasin just to clean my teeth. Then to dry myself on a large clean towel instead of the scrap of cloth they provided. To put on clothing that was soft and sweet smelling instead of a stiff uniform that was restrictive and abrasive.

I selected my dress with care, and as I thought it would, caused my aunts some consternation when I went down for breakfast dressed as they had always seen me. They flustered about not knowing what to say after the sermon Donald had given them about making me wear dresses for most of my life.

It took all of breakfast to convince them that I was most happy wearing what I always had, and as everybody in the village believed me to be a girl, I wasn't going to make fools of them, my aunts, by going round now dressed as a boy. What they didn't know, wouldn't harm them, I told these two dear old women.

`Now I'm off to see the vicar,' I told them after we'd finished breakfast.

`But you can't go dressed like that after what he'd said before,' my Aunt Ethel exclaimed.

`Believe me aunt, he'd be happy to see me even if I went over there naked.' I had to laugh at their shocked expressions. I wanted to run down the path and fly across the lane, but I made myself walk slowly, so instead of my hair flying wildly behind me as it once did before, it sedately bobbed on my shoulders as I walked up the path to the vicarage door.

I knocked upon it and waited, my heart thumping inside my chest like crazy, and then it leapt into my mouth as he opened the door and saw me standing there. His expression of amazement was a delight to see as it changed to find who it was knocking at his door at this hour of the morning.

`Fran my darling,' he said as he pulled me inside, the smile on his face as wide as I'd ever seen it. Even before the door had closed, we were in each other's arms kissing like there was no tomorrow. We kissed like you would never believe, bouncing off the walls and almost falling through the parlour door. It must have been all of ten minutes before our words became coherent to each other, both trying to speak between kisses at the same time.

But this wasn't the time for speaking, but action, and we grappled with each other, I was frantically getting his trouser front open and the whole garment off him. Then what I wanted was free of encumbrance and I was down on my knees taking him into my mouth.

I was actually slobbering all over his penis, bringing him erect in a record time. I pulled him down onto the floor with me, and while I still had him in my mouth, pulled my dress up over my hips and went onto my knees before turning round to present him with my bum for him to fuck.

I knew what I had wanted that morning as I dressed, leaving off my knickers so that I could have him inside me at the first opportunity. I didn't bother with any cream, I just wanted him to put his erection inside me, pain or no pain, I was just begging for it. Donald wanted it too, for no sooner had I turned round, than he was then pushing himself right into where I wanted him.

Oh what a glorious painful fuck it was. The head of his cock burnt as it entered and seared the whole of my inside, rasping every nerve all up my passage as he bored into me. We were like wild animals as he kept ramming himself forward and me heaving myself backwards, both grunting as we banged against each other. Then came the groaning as he began to come, the keening cry of his pleasure as he went rigid and I felt his cock swell up as it pumped out his sperm into me.

No sooner had he finished and withdrawn, I was around behind him and nearly stuffed the hem of my dress up his arse in my haste to enter and fuck him. It was with a great big sigh from both of us as I slid my cock inside his body, feeling the all encompassing warmth around my small shaft, right up to the hilt. My need was as great as his had been and I pumped away, grinding myself tight up to his buttocks and felt the heat swell my own organ as I released my own pent up energy into him.

It had been an emotional coupling for both of us and it took a few minutes before we could rouse ourselves up off the floor and go upstairs to clean ourselves. Then after our washing, we stripped off completely and I lay down on the bed while he stoked up the little fire and joined me.

We both still had erections and as he lay his body on top of mine, they were both pressed tightly to each other, squashed between our stomachs. I liked the weight of him on top of me as our tongues played a teasing duel together, and then the gentle sucking of each other's lips.

We whispered sweet endearments to each other as he gently moved his body atop of mine, the up and down rocking motion affecting, and exciting our rubbing erections. I lifted my legs up which brought more pressure to bear on them and laughed when we felt mine begin to spurt out, followed by his almost immediately. The sperm from both of us being smeared together between our bodies as we rocked back and forth. Lying with the mess being massaged into our stomachs, we continued kissing, his hands holding my head, while mine were clasped round his back.

We broke apart with a loud sucking noise as he rolled over onto his back, and it was me who turned round on the bed and avidly took his sticky cock into my mouth and started to lick and suck him. He followed suit and I felt a wave of heat roll up inside me as his hot mouth covered the end of my smeared cock. Then the stomachs were cleaned up before I reversed my position again so that we could share some sticky lipped kisses.

With contented sighs, we lay in each other's arms and he begged me tell him all about my past six weeks. He was horrified at what I had gone through and wished that he hadn't been the instrument of sending me into that hellhole.

We laid there for over an hour, stroking and caressing each other till we were both aroused again. This time we took it slow and the pleasure was all the greater than our first frantic coupling.

I savoured the slow entry of his cock head, stretching my opening until it slipped inside, and then to have the insidious pressure as it moved further into me until his thighs met by backside. As it had moved in, it pushed wave upon wave of heat through my insides and these coursed down to my balls and made them ache with the pure joy of him being there inside me. His hands held my hips firmly as he moved back and forth, his cock rippling my nerves with beautiful sensations that made me glow all over.

But the pleasure was short lived as he could not contain himself, and so rode me faster and faster till I felt him stiffen and I could feel the hot semen burst into me, sending quivering arrows up to my very heart. I gave out a cry as he withdrew, feeling the chill as he finally left me. After he'd washed himself, I pleasured him.

I didn't stay for tea as we thought that it might upset my aunts if I spent too long a time in the vicarage, and he still had the next day's sermon to write, so I got dressed, and then kissed him from his toes up to his lips before leaving.

Dinner with my aunts was quite an ordeal as they also wanted to know all what had happened at the school, and it was very difficult to give them an abridged version so that it sounded as though I'd had a great time there. But they were satisfied with the story I had given them, so it turned out to be a very pleasant evening.

I joined in with the choir the next day and Donald read from the text, the story of Jonah and the whale, and his sermon was on Saint Christopher, the patron saint of travellers. The last hymn that he'd chosen was for those in peril on the sea. The significance of the whole service was not lost on my aunts, and before they departed the church, insisted that Donald join with us for our Sunday lunch. It was what I had asked them to do and had already pre-warned him about the offer. It then became a ritual that he would have Sunday lunch with us all, not just at Christmas, but also with my two aunts while I was away at sea.

It was a lovely lunch and far more joyful than the one we'd had at Christmas, and I was even allowed to have a glass of wine. Of course, the whole conversation was about me. What ship would I get and where would I be going and for how long? Questions that I wouldn't know the answers to till I was informed myself.

That didn't take long, because on Tuesday, a package came with all my papers and instructions. These I read out loud to my aunts and Donald who'd heard that I'd got my orders. I was to join the P.& O. Line, my ship being the S.S. Strathmuir presently berthed in Tilbury after being reconverted back to a passenger ship after having been a troop transport during the war. When, was the agonised cry from them all? The paper shook slightly in my hand. `This Friday,' I whispered, only two more days left with my Donald was the only thought that ran through my mind.

Of my aunts, I didn't give them a thought and it plagued me for many years, that this was to be my last two days with them and all I could think of was Donald, and not of them. But youth being what it is, doesn't give much thought to the future or the frailty of older people. They'd always been there and it was assumed that they would still be there when I got back.

So, not knowing this, I spent most of the time with Donald instead of being with them. He had contacted the shipping line and had obtained the correct date of departure and all of the stops to its destination and of those for the return voyage.

The departure was in ten days hence, bound for Sydney, Australia. Ports of call were to be Port Said in Egypt, Aden in the Persian Gulf. Then Bombay in India and then Australia, stopping first at Fremantle, then Melbourne before Sydney. A six weeks voyage out, two weeks in Sydney, and then another six weeks to return to Tilbury, with Colombo in Ceylon replacing Bombay on the return voyage.

I couldn't help but clap my hands at the names of these exotic places I would be visiting. Donald got out an atlas and we pored over it, tracing the route I would be taking. I like to think he was thrilled for me, going to all these foreign places and not that I would be away for three and a half months. This struck me later, so I gave Donald the best loving I could in the short time we had left together.

Again it was a tearful farewell all round with the taxi waiting at the gate to take me to the station. This time I was given fifty pounds to take with me. A small fortune in those days and Donald gave me a Bible that he'd had ever since he was at boarding school. It had a special cover that could be used to conceal money in. Don't trust anyone by letting them know you've got money or I'd be sure to have it stolen.

It was good advice, because our cabin was ransacked twice. Once before we'd even left Tilbury and then again in Bombay. Nearly everybody in there lost something, but my Bible was considered not worth taking so my money stayed safe.

So once again dressed in boy's clothes, I left them as the taxi took me away for my first trip abroad. It was just as difficult to get to Tilbury as it had been to get to Gravesend, but I finally landed up on Tilbury station platform.

From there I could see the funnels of ships that were tied up at the docks, and some that were obscured by the huge towering cranes that lined each quay. From the school, I knew that the P. & O. ships had yellow funnels, and as there was only one of them in sight, that must be the one to head for.

It was a long walk dragging a suitcase down to the quay where she was tied up, and seeing it close up for the first time, thought how huge it was. All white and taller than any house I'd ever seen. Many ropes and lines held her to the quay, which was a veritable jungle of boxes, crates and other paraphernalia of a dockside.

Doors were open along the side and there were three gangways up to them, and there was a constant movement of people travelling back and forth on them. Those going up into the ship were carrying boxes and the like, whilst those coming down were empty handed.

There was an officer in uniform at the bottom of each gangway, clipboard in hand, ticking off something every time a box or package passed him. I presented myself before the first one and showed him my papers and this temporarily halted the line of men and boys from carrying loads aboard the ship.

`You'll be sorry Blondie,' came a shout from one of the men in the waiting queue.

Ignore them lad,' the officer said, and stopped a boy coming down the gangway. Take this lad up `forrard and find him one of the boys' cabins to dump his gear in and then take him along to the Purser's office.'

Come along Blondie,' he smirked, and led me up the gangway and into the bowels of the ship. First time?' he asked.

`Yes,' I replied, trying to keep up with him as we twisted and turned in narrow alleyways that seemed to be full of pipes and mysterious doorways and passages. He was rattling off the names of things and places as we went along, but he might as well spoken in Chinese for all I could understand.

He was wearing the same kind of jacket that I had worn at the training school and had packed in my suitcase. It was almost like a waistcoat with narrow white and blue stripes that I knew was a working jacket to be worn when not on passenger duties. Its proper name was a pea jacket but commonly referred to as a "piss jacket". We eventually stopped in a short passage with cabin doors off to the side and he led me into one of them.

It was also narrow and quite cramped with three double bunks on either side with a porthole at the far end of a steeply sloping inward steel wall, which I knew was called a bulkhead. These terms we learned in the school. Walls were called bulkheads, while the floor was the deck and the ceiling, the deckhead. Corridors were alleyways, and staircases were known as companionways. There was one occupant already in the cabin, lying on a top bunk reading a comic, which was lowered on our entry.

`Blimey, it's Francis,' the reader of the comic cried out, throwing it to one side and swinging off a suspended pipe to drop down before me. It was Roger Fawcett, one of the other boys who was also bullied like me at the beginning of our spell at the training school.

`You know each other then?' my guide asked.

`Yes. Roger and I were at Gravesend together,' I answered.

`Roger? Oh, he's called "Taps". That's what he's called and no doubt you'll be called Blondie. I sleep in here as well and I'm called Taffy 'cos I come from Wales. What bunks are left Taps? I know all the top 'uns are taken.'

`Have this one under mine, it's not taken yet,' Roger said.

`Nice to meet you Taffy and it's good to see you again Roger, er, I mean Taps,' I said as I grinned at him.

Have a good leave then?' he asked. Too bloody short really weren't it.' Roger was from London and was constantly dropping his aitches and using the wrong words, and Taffy, as he'd already said that he came from Wales, had this lilting speech. I wondered then if I had an accent as markedly as these two to betray me as coming from the country-side of Wiltshire?

`As you said, it was too short,' I answered the question.

`I've got to take him up to the Purser's office,' Taffy said.

Bollocks,' said Roger, he's my mate, I'll take him. You fuck off and do some work.' Taffy left us, muttering as he did so. I began to wonder if I could cope with the language after hearing about the same number of swear words equal to the number of minutes I'd been aboard the ship. It didn't take me long to find that it was better be thought a bit stupid and not use words they wouldn't understand. The vocabulary seemed to be limited to less than four hundred words, and a tenth of these seemed to be related to sex and the sexual parts of both sexes.

Come on then,' Roger said to me after I'd placed my suitcase under the bunk. So I followed him to the Purser's office. He'd only been on the ship one day, but seemed to know his way round already. It won't take you long to get to know it,' he replied to my query about this as we arrived at our destination. An Assistant Purser took my papers and told Roger to take me to the outfitters for my uniforms before they closed and to fill me in about where and when to report for work the next day.

I was surprised that an outfitting shop was actually there inside the docks, but it had been a canny move for them. They supplied all the uniforms for many ships, and it was on credit, the cost of these being deducted from your pay. I was the last customer of the day and they were ready to lock up when we left and I found it very quiet outside, and it seemed that everybody knocked off work dead on time and the quayside was very quickly deserted.

We went back on board, and after putting my packages away, Roger took me to where we could have our dinner. After that, it was back to the cabin where he produced two bottles of beer, which we weren't really allowed to drink. He told me what he knew of the ship so far and would show me more the following day. After two beers I was feeling rather tipsy, so I turned in, and there in the dark, my thoughts turned to home and I wept a few silent tears for not being there to be with my Donald.

I was surprised to be woken up by an Indian fellow with a pint pot of hot tea. I knew they had Goanese and Lascar's on some of the ships, but didn't know that we had them. I found out, by asking others, that they did most of the menial tasks on the ships and were paid even less than we were, and ours were nothing to write home about. They augmented their wages by acting as cabin servants to members of the crew for which we had to pay ten shillings from each of us in the cabin for the outward trip, and the same on the way back. This included, as well as the morning tea, the making of bunks and the cleaning of the cabin on a daily basis.

After this welcome mug of tea, it was a quick shower, dress and get down for breakfast, which was quite substantial. Then we had to congregate in the main dining saloon to be detailed off for our duties for the day. The Assistant Second Steward who was to issue out the jobs supervised this meeting of fellow workers. I think it is here that I should acquaint you with the hierarchy of our sphere within the ship.

Officers have gold braid on the shoulders, and within the catering department, the Purser is top honcho, and next is the Chief Steward, though other members of the pursers office have single gold stripes, their position is really non authoritive. The rest are Petty Officers with a varying number of silver stripes. I won't go through the whole list but only say that the working boss below decks is the Second Steward, with an assistant. Next is the Head Waiter with his assistants. Then there are others with different jobs and titles.

It is the Second Steward who allocates various men to work under other Petty Officers to see to the victualing and cleaning of the inside of the ship. By inside, I am talking of everything but the engine room and auxiliary places or the kitchens, the galley as it is know at sea. It is the Chef who presides over all the aspects of the cooking kingdom.

There must have been at least sixty of us there waiting for our job allocations, and the men were ticked off in the register and given their tasks as they answered their names. I was told that should you miss the daily registration, especially at sea, for this book was only open for thirty minutes, and once it was shut, you lost half a day's pay. If you were late and missed your name being called while the book was still open, you got a demerit and after three lates, you automatically lost half a day's pay.

It finally came down to us boys and just as he started to call out names, Roger piped up. `Excuse me sir, but I was told by the Purser yesterday that Lyon here, was to report to him for messenger duties with me sir.'

`That's Fawcett isn't it?' the Assistant Second Steward asked, looking at us.

`Yes sir.'

Okay. That's Fawcett, Lyon, Smith and Styles. Report for messenger duties at the Purser's office.' As he was calling out the other two boy's names, I whispered to Roger, He didn't say that.'

Sssh,' he nudged me, he doesn't know that, and it's the easiest job going at the moment. You don't want to be humping bloody stores, do you?' I kept my mouth shut and followed him and the other two up to the Purser's office where we had to sit and wait to be sent on errands throughout the ship.

We were kept much busier that I thought we would be. We never seemed to stop running about the ship taking messages back and forth, even having to go ashore sometimes to find one particular officer. I must say it was the best way of finding one's way in the maze of alleyways and passenger sections of the ship. Also, it helped to get to know the various ranks and names of the officers, both petty and senior.

There were eight decks on the ship, the topmost being the bridge deck. It wasn't really a deck at all because it was less than a quarter of the ship's length and out of bounds to all except those with business there. The one below this was the promenade deck that also had the lifeboats up on their davits along both sides of the ship. This deck was quite wide for the passengers to walk or jog on. In the middle were two bars and a large lounge.

"A" deck was the next, which had the staterooms, shops and Purser's office. The decks then went down from "B" to "F", the lowest for passengers and also were the cheapest. The huge dining room was located on "C" deck, and there were two lifts situated in the middle to service all these decks except for the bridge. These lifts were manned by what we were known as bell boys. At sea, I had to do a stint on these lifts and found it very boring just going up and down all day between those few decks, being a messenger was the better job.

It was my second day as a messenger that I could hear music and singing coming down from the deck above. Our seat, while we waited to be called upon, was just by the companionway that went up to the promenade deck where the lounge was. It was there that the sound came from, and as I had only just got back from a job, it would be a little time before I would be called upon.

So I went up and stood in the doorway to the lounge, where, at the other end was a small raised stage on which two girls were doing some dance steps to the music being played by a young man on the piano. I was intrigued by their presence on the ship and asked one of the Assistant Pursers when I was next in the office as to who they were.

`They are the entertainers. They do singing and dance shows for the passengers in the evening,' I was told.

`Is that all?' I asked.

`No. They also act as a host and hostess you know. Get people up onto the dance floor and help start the ball rolling so to speak. They also help at functions, children's parties and the like.'

`Oh,' I replied, getting the idea, and from then on till we actually sailed, I spent as much time as I could watching them practise their routines. I even learnt enough to be able to do the dance steps myself, out of their sight I might add.

Then came embarkation day. The ship was ready for her first passenger voyage since the end of the war. She was decked out in all her finery, flags and bunting were strung up all over the ship and flowers were everywhere over the decks, and the gangways were similarly adorned.

Lines of stewards waited at the top, waiting to be detailed to carry the cabin baggage and escort the arriving passengers to their cabins. We were kept constantly busy running telegrams to cabins, happy to wait and collect a tip for doing so. Then we would race back to collect another cable and dash off hoping for another tip.

But even we took time out from hunting these sixpence's, to get close to the railings to watch our departure. It was a very exciting and emotional moment as the ship was slowly pulled away from the quay by four tugs.

There were crowds of people on the quayside, waving flags and holding onto a veritable mass of coloured streamers held by onlookers and those people departing. There was a band playing such favourites as "We'll meet again", "We'll keep a welcome in the hillside" and "Auld Langs Syne" but to mention a few.

Even I had tears in my eyes as I watched the last of the streamers part, their ends making a slow farewell waving movement as they drifted down to the swirling water that was now separating us from the land.

We were eased out into the river by the tugs and then with little toots from the whistles on their funnels, they left us to make our own way down river towards the sea and eventually, Australia.

The telegrams and messages kept us busy for the rest of the day and well into the night, and we were very tired little people that dragged themselves to their bunks. It still seemed to be night when our cabin light was switched on, and there were many groans at this, but they stopped as we accepted our morning tea from the smiling Goanese man who saw to our cabin.

It was then that I found out how small and narrow our cabin was as twelve boys try to get dressed at the same time in that limited amount of space. On advice from one of the older inhabitants of the cabin, whose second voyage this was, albeit on another ship, you didn't stop to wash as you'd still need to do it again after your morning job.

Roger and I were down in the dining saloon just before six and answered as our names were called. Our allocated job was to scrub a certain section of the main working alleyway every morning, so I was a messenger during the day, but a scrubber before daylight. It wasn't that bad, and although it was supposed to take an hour, it could be done quicker. Then we hit the showers to get nice and clean before breakfast and the start of our proper duties.

The four of us on messenger duties took our meals in shifts so that our post was always covered, and also worked between ourselves for time off. I preferred the late shift and many were willing to swap this one, as I really wanted the opportunity to watch and listen to the performances of the entertainers as they gave their little shows.

Before we knew it, we were mooring up at our berth in Port Said, Egypt, the Land of the Pharaohs. Roger and I were very excited when we found that we could get two hours ashore in the afternoon, and we made the most of it. What a letdown it was. It was hot and stank something terrible. We were constantly being jostled and pawed at by vendors trying to sell us anything from stuffed camels to their Grandmothers. The noise was at a very loud level that you could barely hear, and the sand and the dust covered everything if it stood still for a few moments.

But it was still something to remember, and in spite of our misgivings, we still bought a souvenir each. Myself with a model of a Sphinx and Roger with one of the stuffed camels. Also a fez each, the red high flat topped cap with a tassel down the side.

We even had our picture taken wearing them. I still have that now faded black and white picture that looks like a daguerreotype style photo as it has now faded to a dull brown. I also bought two postcards and wrote a short message on each and managed to find a Post office to send one off to my aunts and the other to Donald.

The next morning we unhooked ourselves from the dock and slowly entered the Suez Canal to make our way down the Red Sea and then out into the Persian Gulf. It was strange to look out from the ship as we went through the Canal to see a sea of sand on both sides instead of water for nearly a whole day before we emerged near the town of Suez.

It was while making this passage that I found that I'd got a letter from home. I saw that it had been posted about ten days after I had left the village and written by Donald. It was a letter that I couldn't show to anyone because it was basically a love letter, but it did contain some disquieting news. Aunt Agnes had developed pneumonia and had been confined to bed, but I wasn't to worry because the doctor thought that she would pull through. In spite of that reassurance, I still felt a shiver of apprehension run down my spine and I prayed that night in bed that she would recover.

The ship moored in the harbour of Aden, but it was only passengers that could take the small ferry boats to visit this small outpost of the British Empire. We were still able to buy some postcards from the bumboats, little craft that the natives brought alongside us to try and sell us their wares. I hastily wrote on my cards and got them to the Pursers office where they went ashore with the company's agent to be sent on from there.

The incoming mail had been sorted and there wasn't anything for me, but there was at Bombay. But it was old news by then, because the day before we were due to dock, I was called to the Pursers office and told to sit down and the Purser himself handed me an open telegram. It was from Donald, and even now I still get tears in my eyes when I see it in my scrapbook.

"Regret to say that Aunt Agnes passed away this morning stop It was peaceful and last thoughts were for you stop She is with God and God be with you stop Love Donald stop"

I couldn't help but cry, there in the Pursers office, with his hand on my shoulder, trying to give me some comfort, There wasn't any there. The only comfort would to have been found in the arms of Donald. The only place and person who could have given me the comfort that I sought. I was given the rest of the night off, and one of the young Assistant Pursers offered to take me below.

You look as though you could do with a good drink. Believe me, it'll help,' he told me. I've gone through the same, and a stiff drink should help you through the pain.' I followed him blindly down below decks and into his cabin. There, he mixed me a drink that I took and drank straight down without noticing what it was. He took the empty glass from me and refilled it.

`Were you very close to your aunt?' he asked in a very solicitous manner. Sipping my drink this time, I told him as how she had brought me up from a baby, giving me both love and an education. I omitted to speak about the dresses and such like, and before I knew it, my glass was empty again.

My glass was again replenished with, what turned out to be gin, which is really more of a depressant than any other alcohol. Without realising it, I was getting drunk for the first time in my life, and because of it being gin, very maudlin.

I'm not very clear on what happened, except that I know I told him of the love that I had left behind, and I think he thought it was that of my aunt, and how I missed that love that would comfort me. I do know that I didn't mention Donald's name at all. I was then on a crying jag and I let this man comfort me, holding me and stroking my hair as I cried.

I don't know how, but I finished up naked in his bunk and with him taking me from the rear. It was only when he actually entered me did I realise what was happening, but I was too drunk to do anything but let it run its course.

The only comfort I gained from this stranger fucking me was that I made myself believe that it was Donald. The pain was sharp as he entered, but then came the soothing massage of my inside by that cock relaxed me to the extent that I knew what I had been missing. I still cried into the pillow as he shafted me, asking Donald to forgive me and felt the man stiffen as he gripped me tight and pumped his hot seed into me. I gave out that usual whimper as he pulled out of me and let me fall down onto the blanket.

I vaguely heard him wash himself at the small washbasin that these cabins had, and then he was on the bunk with me. Kissing me and fondling my erection at the same time before pushing me back and going down and proceed to give me head. He sucked and jerked me till I arched my hips and met his own mouth with my upward thrusts till I came for him to swallow.

I woke up in my own bunk with a splitting headache and a sore arse as a mug of tea was shoved in my hand. I managed to get down to tick on, that's what it was called when you reported for work in the morning. Then collected my cleaning materials for my alleyway scrubbing detail, but all I did was splash water on the deck and then mop it up. Then I staggered back to my bunk, forgetting about breakfast to sleep till lunchtime.

When I presented myself outside the Pursers office, Roger was one of the two boys sitting on the bench outside and he quickly pulled me down to sit beside him.

`I'm sorry to hear your bad news, but what happened to you? You came into the cabin half undressed and pissed as a fart. What happened?'

`You don't want to know,' I groaned. My hangover wasn't as bad as first thing that morning, but it was still a throb at my temples.

`I managed to cover up for you this morning, so don't worry about that, and if you want to slope off, I'll do the best I can.'

`Thanks Roger, but I think I'll be able to manage.' But I didn't really have to, because we docked that afternoon in Bombay and I disappeared back to my cabin to sleep away the rest of the day. So I didn't get to see India. Well, I did see some of the coastline from the porthole as we sailed off the next morning, which was just after five a.m.

When I reported to my station on the messenger's bench, I was handed a letter that was obviously from Donald, and I asked if I could be excused for a little while. The office knowing that it was a belated letter that had been posted before that cable had been sent, agreed. I went up to the lounge and sat at the back and read the letter whilst the entertainers were doing some more rehearsals.

The main crux of the letter was to say that my aunt was now very ill and that they all feared the worse. He sent his love and said myself as well as my aunt was at the forefront of his prayers. I didn't cry this time, but I was very close to it. I just sat and watched the two girls as they danced through a routine that I thought was really too simple for them. They could, and would look much better than that if they just quickened the tempo by half a beat was my thought, and then, before I knew what I was doing, I had walked up to the stage and told them just that.

`And who might you be to give directions like that?' was the sarcastic query from the pianist, the male of the trio.

`Francis Gervaise Lyon! Impresario, singer, dancer and currently appearing in the Purser's Office revue, held daily on the next deck down,' I said in a loud voice with as much sarcasm as he had used. The two girls burst out laughing and also, to his credit, did the man at the piano.

Well done!' cried the pretty brunette, clapping her hands as she laughed. That's the best riposte I've heard in ages,' she said. The man got up from the piano and came over to where I stood and held out his hand. `I concur with Diane. That was well said.' I shook his hand feeling my face flush with my temerity.

`Oh what a pretty blush he's got. I wish I could get that colour into my cheeks,' the other girl exclaimed. I think I must have gone an even deeper shade of red as I blushed.

Don't embarrass the boy anymore,' the man said. My name is David Divine, on the stage that is. This is Diane Lovell,' the pretty brunette, `and Cynthia Young.'

`How do you do ladies,' I said, giving a little bow.

`How charming,' clapped Cynthia.

`Delighted,' said Diane, giving a small curtsey.

`So you think it should be half a beat faster?' David asked.

`Yes. Can I show you?' I said, getting up onto the stage and moving toward the piano.

`Be my guest,' David replied with a mocking smile as he gestured towards it. I went and sat down and without looking at the music propped up or any little frills on the keys, went straight into the tune he had been playing, but as I said, a half a beat faster.

I was pleased at the smiles on the girls' faces, but the best part of my showing off, was to see the smile fade from David's face.

Do you see what I mean?' I asked, the sound of the music fading away. I couldn't read his expression so I wasn't sure how he was reacting. Look,' I said, jumping up from the piano and taking him by the arm to lead him back towards the stool. `You play it as I just did and I'll show you what I mean.'

He went to the stool and sat down with a quizzical look on his face, but began to play the same piece as I had done. I picked up the beat and did the same dance that the girls had been doing, but at this faster beat.

Go in Diane,' he called out, take your steps from him.' She only hesitated a moment before taking my hand and went into the routine with me till the end of the sequence.

`Bravo, bravo,' David cried, standing up and clapping his hands. Cynthia was also clapping at my little egotistical display, of which I now felt ashamed.

`I...I'm sorry I did that.'

`What? I don't understand?' David said in a puzzled voice.

`You've got your job and I've got mine. I'm sorry I interrupted,' I said as I then ran from the lounge, but I caught the words boy and aunt before I reached the door. I went down to the next deck and continued with my duties there.

That night we ran into one hell of a storm. The ship was tossed about like a cork and I don't think any of us had a good night at all. Several of the boys in our cabin were seasick and with the porthole closed up tight, the air, in spite of the ventilators, was pretty foul by morning. It was a relief when it was time to go to work.

It was reasonably quiet for us as most of our calls were to find the doctor or nurse to pass on the message of the passenger that wished to see them, as soon as possible. Seasickness was everywhere, even into the afternoon when the storm had long been gone and the sea was once again quite calm. It was on one such search for the nurse that I went into the sick bay and to my surprise, found Cynthia from the entertainers in one of the beds.

`Cynthia! What are you doing here?' Her face was dead white and she was very black under the eyes. They gave out a sorrowful look as her hand slowly waved down the bed.

`They think I've broken my hip,' she whispered, her voice sounding like gravel and glass paper rubbing together.

Oh you poor dear,' I said, gently laying my hand on her bare arm that was on top of the covers. What will happen to you?'

`Put me into hospital when we reach Fremantle I hope. It hurts like hell.' I stayed a few minutes longer with her, trying to boost up her spirits, though I don't think I did much in this respect. As the hospital was on the bridge deck, it was only one deck down to the lounge, and that's where I went next. The place was empty, but I knew that there was a little room off to one side of the stage that was used as a dressing room by the performers. It was to there I went and knocked at the door.

Come in,' said a voice that could have only belonged to Diane. Oh hello, er, Francis isn't it?'

`Yes. I've just come down from the hospital. Did you know...'

Yes,' she interrupted, I was with her when she fell down the stairs.'

`Companionway,' I corrected absent mindedly.

`Whatever. It's ruined the rest of the trip for us as well as for her.'

`Why?' I asked.

`Well, if we were successful, this being our first trip with the line, we could get a nice contract to continue on with the company, but that's all gone by the board now,' and looking most despondent sitting there.

I sat down on a small chair and looked at the small room they had to use, cramped and stuffy. There was one big mirror at the make-up table where Diane was sitting, the lights bright enough to hurt the eyes. Behind her was a clothes rack full of different costumes that they had to change into. It was this rack that drew my eye because it was nearly all women's dresses and costumes for women.

The insides of my thighs began to itch and I dreamily thought how nice it would be to put on one of those dresses and rid myself of these constricting trousers. My mouth started speaking before I could get my brain into gear.

`What exactly did Cynthia have to do apart from sing and dance, discounting the hostess side of the business and all that?' My mouth went dry as the thoughts that were racing around in my brain started to coalesce into coherent thought.

`That was it. Sing and dance. We'd worked up some good routines and I think we could have made it, but not now.

`Strange as it may seem, but I can sing as well,' I said, my heart in my mouth. I didn't need a piano because I carried music up in my head. Without giving her a chance to reply to my statement, I started to sing to her. "Rose of Picardy" was the first thing that popped into my head. Then I sang Buttercup's song from "H.M.S. Pinafore" and then the "Ave Maria". I couldn't have been more pleased just to see her broad smile as I finished.

That was wonderful,' she breathed out with a great exhalation. See. I even held my breath.'

The door burst open and David came flying in. `Was that you singing Diane?' he burst out. She pointed to me, whom he hadn't noticed sitting in the corner.

`That was Francis, not me.' He whirled round, many expressions crossing his face as he appeared to struggle for words.

`That...that was, er. I'm just lost for words. It...it...'

`Was magnificent?' supplied Diane.

`Dammit. Yes. It damn well was.'

`Er, I was just about to ask Diane here if there was a chance, any chance at all of me taking the place of Cynthia?'

`But you're a boy!' I gave out a sigh at this remark, but I still had to push him into giving me a chance.

David. I'm new to the navy and the way of you people, but believe me when I say that I can do it.' I put up my hand before he could interrupt me. Give me twenty minutes in here with Diane and then play any piece of your repertoire to see what I can do before you say no. Would you give me the chance, please?' I begged. He looked at Diane who without hesitation, bless her, nodded.

`Okay. Twenty minutes and I'll start on the piano. I hope you know what you are doing,' he said to Diane as he left the room.

`Well you do like to tackle things head on. Now we'll have to adapt to a boy and girl routine...' There I stopped her.

`The only way you can help me is to do my make-up. That, I've never done before and I'm not sure how to go about it.'

`Make-up? But you don't need it. You, if I may say so, are quite beautiful as you are.'

`But not if I'm to look like a female,' I said.

`What!'

`Yes, you heard right. If there's a dress I can wear, I'll wear it.'

`What about stockings?'

Ah, there you've got me. I haven't had any of those to wear. The war you know,' I said with a laugh and a leer. Look! I'm not going into my past history, but I know what I'm doing, so what do you say?'

`What about these for starters?' she said, holding up a pair of stockings and a smile on her face.

`If you've got something to hold them up with,' I said, and a suspender belt suddenly appeared as if by magic.

`Let's get started then, we've wasted enough time.' I stood up and stripped completely naked.

`Oh,' was the shocked noise from Diane. I went a little numb myself because I only just realised that this was the first time I had ever taken my clothes off before a member of the opposite sex.

Don't worry,' I said, my voice a little shaky, I'm not dangerous.' I sat down and started to put on stockings for the first time. It wasn't as easy as I thought. She had quickly got over the shock of me undressing completely, because she took the other stocking and rolled it up my other leg properly. With them both on, she helped me fit the suspender belt and showed me how to get the studs into the clip to hold them up. Her arm brushed against my penis and she giggled.

`I've haven't been so close to one of these for weeks now.'

`Don't tempt me now,' I joked in an act of bravado.

`Now panties,' she said.

`Let's leave them off for now. It's only David we've got to impress, not the public. Now for a dress.' Diane selected one and it fitted quite well, as did a pair of shoes with fairly flat heels.

`Now for make-up. My hair is passable I think,' I said, smoothing down the dress, loving the feeling of being in clothes that felt nice and comfortable to be in. As my hands ran down my sides, I could feel the suspender belt and then the stocking tops and it gave me a certain buzz and I felt myself starting to get a hard on as I looked at myself in the mirror.

So I sat down quickly for Diane to apply my face, as it's called. First a base cream and then powder before lightly touching up my eyelids with kohl, not much, but just enough to make my blue eyes slightly larger. Lipstick was next, and again, not too much.

When finished, she quite pleased with the result, but I thought I looked terrific, in fact I had never looked better. I stood up and smoothed down my dress again, looking into the mirror, but thought that I was missing something. It took a moment before I realised what it was.

`I've got no tits!' I said with dismay.

A padded bra will be just right,' Diane said. Drop the top.' So I shrugged the top down to my waist while she got a bra out and fixed it at the back for me. It was a bit constrictive, but it couldn't be helped. She then got some tissues out a box and began stuffing them into the cups. There, that's looking better,' as she helped me get the dress straight and giggled again. I've never helped a male get dressed up like this before.' I did a little twirl in the cramped space and watched the dress flare out and immediately felt myself start to stiffen again.

`I think I'd better put on the panties after all. I'm getting a hard on just looking at myself.' Diane laughed and handed me a nice little embroidered pair which I quickly stepped into and pulled them up, folding my half erect cock into the front and made sure that it was snug and wouldn't stick out.

`Well, what do you think. Will I pass?'

`I didn't think it would work, but now...Well if David doesn't take to you, I'm sure that there's lots of fellas that will. You're even making me jealous just looking at you, and I know what's underneath!'

`Thanks Diane,' I said, and gave her a peck on the cheek, and we'd done the makeover just in time, because we could hear David start to play practise chords on the piano.

`Break a leg,' she whispered as we opened the door and went out of the dressing room. We stopped in the middle of the stage and turned towards him before he looked up. His hands faltered on the keys and he missed a few bars before stopping and looking at us with his eyes quite wide.

My God!' he said, slowly rising up from his stool. I wouldn't have believed it possible. You look beautiful, really beautiful.'

He shook his head as if to clear it and sat down again muttering to himself. Let's go through the last routine, you know, the one with the half beat extra tempo.' He smiled to offset the sarcasm. We turned to position ourselves, but he cried out, No, no, no! I want you to do it facing me so that I can watch it properly, as they would out there.'

We danced and sang as he played, giving it our best as we swirled around, catching each other's hand as we changed places several times till the end of the piece.

Wonderful,' he said as he stood up to clap us. This will make them sit up. I think we could still be in business, which means I've got to do something about this.' He turned back and started rummaging through some records that I hadn't noticed before behind the piano. There was also one of the new record players that was worked by electricity. `Do you know the words to "Moonlight Bay"?' He threw over his shoulder as he continued going through the boxed records.

`Yes,' I replied.

Well we'll, ah-ha, here it is,' he brandished the record he had been looking for. We'll sing this as a duet. Diane can work the machine. Then I want you to do a solo. "Ave Maria" again, like you sang it to Diane, okay?'

`Yes, if you say so. Now?'

No, no, when I get back,' he fussed. You two can talk routines in there,' his hand fluttered towards the dressing room, `while I go and see the Staff Commander.' With that, he rushed away and out of the lounge. We looked at each other, and Diane just shrugged her shoulders and led the way back into the dressing room.

Inside, I was just starting to take off the dress, when Diane stopped me. I think he wants us to wait till he gets back,' she said. I've a feeling this is about to become,' she pulled her face down to make her lips stick out, and holding a tube of cream as though it was a cigar, held up two fingers, `your finest hour!' parodying Winston Churchill. We both laughed and sat down to wait.

The captain of a ship is in overall charge of everything. He is God on the vessel he commands. The Staff Commander is the God of the crew. He sees that all runs smoothly and that the well being of the passengers is as perfect as possible. He was also the boss of the entertainers, and that was to whom David had gone to see.

David burst in looking quite flushed. Right! Staff will be here in about,' he looked at his watch, twenty minutes, and so will the Purser. I managed to get him to come as well, so we'll have an audience of two, well, maybe a few more. Can you do this in front of an audience Francis?' His face suddenly taking on a worried look. I nodded, not wanting to interrupt his flow.

Good. Now we'll do that number you just did and then you and I,' he said, looking directly at me, will sing "On Moonlight Bay" as a duet. Diane will put the record on and I'll take my cue from you as we haven't got the time to practice. Then,' he paused dramatically, `the lights will go down leaving just the one on you, and I want you to sing "Ave Maria" without any music. I'll just give you the key and you're off. Okay?'

I nodded, the palms of my hands suddenly feeling quite moist.

`I'll wait outside and see to them being seated. Oh, I must do the lighting first.' He dashed out and left us alone again. Diane took my hand to pat and noticed the perspiration on it.

Oh dear,' she said, taking a tissue from a box and wiping my palms for me. Nervous?' I nodded, but she gave my hands a squeeze. `Don't worry. It's going to be all right.' She picked up her powder puff and gave me a light dusting on the forehead. Then there came a double knock at the door.

`This is it dear,' she said as she opened the door and went out, with me following as if to the gallows.

`Head up,' David whispered as I went past him. I lifted it and walked firmly out onto the stage and stood beside Diane. There were several chairs placed before us and I could see the Staff Commander sitting with the Purser beside him. There were other people standing further back behind them, but couldn't see who they were because of the lights shining directly into my eyes. I heard David sit down and gently give us our cue, and then we were off and running.

The dance with Diane went very well, and it was a smooth transition with David taking her place as Diane quickly put the needle to the disc. David, taller than myself, stood behind with his arms coming round to rest on my forearms as we sang the duet.

At the finish, there was some clapping and he left me there on my own. I nervously looked down at my feet as the other lighting went out leaving just one on me and I heard a quiet hiss from behind me, which meant that I had to hold my head up.

Then came the single chord and I started to sing. I made my thoughts go back to our little church, and I could see Donald smiling at me as I sang, and before I realised it, I had come to the end.

The applause was quite good and I think I blushed as I gave a curtsey before turning to David and holding out my hand. He came forward and shook it before jumping down off the stage to talk to the Commander. Diane came and stood next to me and put her arm round my shoulder and whispered that I had sung beautifully again. I watched David start to talk and my hearing was very good in those days, and though I was a little way off from them, I could hear every word.

`Well sir, what do you think? Good enough?' David asked the Staff.

`Yes. Very good. Very good indeed. What did you think Purser?'

`I agree. She was very good indeed as you say. She seems very familiar to me though, I do hope she's not one of the passengers,' the Purser replied in answer to the Staff's question.

Not at all sir,' David replied, she's...or I should say he, is a member of the crew. In fact sir,' I could hear the relish in David's voice as he prepared to drop the little bombshell, and he loved the theatrical scene he was creating. `In fact sir, he has been sitting outside your office as a messenger since the voyage began,' he finished off with a triumphant lilt to his voice.

'pon my word! I do believe you're right sir. That's the young lad whose aunt passed away recently. I do remember him sitting before me when I had to break the sad news to him. Well, pon my word,' he repeated again.

Which sir, brings me to...ah...a delicate question,' this was David now speaking to the Staff Commander. We, that is Diane and myself, and of course poor Cynthia, who is, I believe, to be landed at Fremantle for hospitalisation. We are on contract to the company as entertainers for this voyage, and though we do sign articles, we are not technically members of the crew, though we have to follow orders as though we were. Whereas young Francis there, is. If you see what I mean? Is there any way that Francis could either be transferred to us or lent as it were, on loan for the duration of the voyage?'

Hmm,' the Staff mused. I'll have to look this up. I'm not sure how we stand on this.' Diane was now holding my hand and I felt her cross her fingers, so I did the same. She could obviously hear what was being said as well as I could.

But we still have to give the passengers,' David went on, stressing that last word, a show for their entertainment tonight. Sir,' he tacked onto the end of his plea. `Couldn't we have her, er, him till we reach Sydney at least?'

Don't sound so desperate David, I said to myself in a pleading fashion.

Well,' he paused, I think you made a good case for yourself, and...' he seemed to let it hang in the air, `she did, er, he did a very professional performance, so I think I can safely say yes. That is until we reach Sydney. What do you think Purser?'

`A very creditable performance as you say sir, and...er, I don't see why we can't make some accommodation in this case.'

`Well that's it then. I'll leave you to sort out the details. Thank you gentlemen, and ladies, er...hmmm, very good show, look forward to tonight's performance,' he said as he left the lounge with a couple of young officers who'd been with him, tagging along behind. One of them looked back, a nice young man, and he winked at me before hurrying to catch the others up.

Well,' the Purser began. It seemed to be the favourite word for officers to start any dialogue. Well, the Staff thinks it's okay, so I suppose I'll have to agree with him. Lyon isn't it?'

`Yes sir,' I said, moving forward to the edge of the stage.

`Well it seems I'm to lose a messenger but gain a cabaret artist. What's your view on this? Do you want to er, jump ship in mid ocean?' He gave a little laugh at his own joke, to which we all dutifully tittered.

`With all due respect sir, the decision is yours, but my answer to the question would be yes sir, I would.' I could hear Diane giving a little clap behind me.

`Esto,' the Purser said somewhat pompously.

`So be it,' I translated for the others, and then cursed myself for not keeping my mouth shut as I got a sharp glance from him.

`There is one point I would like to raise on this question sir, and it is a matter of accommodation. She, er he should be moved up with us sir. What with us working till after midnight some nights and the crew getting up before six would create problems in his health. Getting the right amount of sleep, if you know what I mean sir.' David had put the question that I myself had wanted to ask, but couldn't.

See the Assistant Purser and he will make the necessary arrangements. Well I must be off. Lots to do. Well done Lyon, Latin too,' Then he turned away muttering Well, well, it just goes to show.' Then he was gone leaving the three of us alone in the lounge.

`Well done Francis,' Diane exclaimed, giving me a kiss which made me blush again.

Yes,' said David. I think you may have saved our bacon.' He too gave me a kiss, which I saw Diane frown at. `Come, let's have a drink to celebrate.' With that, we went back into the little dressing room and Diane produced a bottle of gin and David cleaned out three glasses. I asked for some water in mine, remembering the last time I drank gin.

`To the Divine Comedy trio,' he laughed, spluttering as he realised what he had said.

`That means there's an inferno lurking somewhere behind us,' I said, letting them know that I was not just an ignorant peasant up from the country.

`Touché,' cried Diane. I thought she had said this in reference to my linking Dante's Divine Comedy with the inferno, but I was wrong as I found out a few minutes later. We all laughed anyway and drank our gin and had another poured out. Then it came out that she had taken my remark further than I thought.

`As to Francis's accommodation, he can move into my cabin,' David said.

No!' Diane exclaimed emphatically. He's not going to be in the same cabin with you. At the first opportunity you would be having his pants down and doing...doing what you do. No! He's not going to get into your clutches. Find that Assistant Purser that you keep on about. The two of you make a fine pair.'

As you too must have guessed from that exchange, that David preferred men or boys to women. I think I had enough powder on my face to conceal the blush that I'm sure was on my face, and I was then astounded by the next remark from Diane.

`Francis will move into my cabin. He'll be safe there from you and the like.'

I put out my hand and touched her arm, as I was about to tell her of my own sexual orientation, but then decide not to say anything, so I said instead, `Thank you Diane, if you're sure it would be okay with er, whoever has to sort this out. I would be most happy to share your cabin,' I finished lamely. David could only give out a snort.

`Just say to this Assistant whoever he is, that Miss Francis is moving in with me. There! That's settled, now let's have another drink.' This I declined, saying that I needed a clear head for my first live appearance that evening.

So our little party broke up and David went off to see about my moving cabins, and I began wiping my make-up off and took off my show clothes and donned that hateful little boy's uniform again as David returned. All had been fixed and it was okay. The assistant not knowing all the details, had agreed to my moving in with the entertainers, not knowing that a male would actually be sharing a cabin with a female, such as the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing.

I broke the news to Roger that I was moving out, but not exactly to what cabin I would be going. Just that I'd changed jobs and would now be part of the entertaining team.

`Well I'll be sorry to see you go,' he said to me as we shook hands.

Hey, I'll still be on the ship,' I told him. It's just that I'll be working late at night and don't finish till after midnight, so they thought it would be for the best.'

`Well don't forget we're crossing the line tomorrow.'

Oh shit!' I replied. I was dropping into the vernacular of those aboard the ship, making a mental note that I would have to be careful of my speech when I got back home. I'd forgotten about that.' I had been on the point of saying that he should look into the lounge that night if he got the chance, but now I thought better of it. `Well, I'll be down for that.'

I left my ten shillings for the man who did our cabin with him, though I should really have only paid half as we hadn't reached Sydney yet, but then I thought, it wasn't his fault that I was leaving the cabin. I then took my things and met Diane as agreed, and she took me to what would be my cabin for the rest of the trip.

`I've been using the bottom bunk as I was the only one here, but you can have either one,' she said. The top would be fine for me, I said as I unpacked the little I had and stowed it away.

`What now?' I asked as I sat on the only chair the small cabin provided, and she sat on the lower bunk.

Well,' she began, and I wondered if this was not only the language of officers, but of the majority of the English speaking world to use the well' at the beginning of every sentence. If so, then I was one of a small minority, or so I liked to think. Thank God for Aunt Ethel, constantly pushing me and giving me a decent education in the proper use of our native tongue.

Well,' she continued, let's run through our repertoire first. You demonstrated that you know some of them, but let's see which of those you didn't catch.' So she gave me a run through and she was right, there were quite a few that I hadn't, but she said that with a few rehearsals, I should be okay. `So we'll keep it simple tonight for the one's you do know.'

We went up to the dressing room and I tried on a lot of the dresses, keeping to one side those that I could wear without alteration, not being far off the same size as Cynthia. Was I handy with a needle and thread? Yes. Then we could alter the others later. Shoes? I found that I could wear most of them except the high heels. We laughed at my first attempt to walk in them, but I was determined that I would eventually be able to wear high heels. With the right dress, they would make me look sexier than if I was wearing flat heeled ones.

David came in at about this point, his face flushed, and I recognised the signs that he'd just come from a very satisfactory sexual encounter.

`I've just been going through our pieces with Francis,' and then she reeled them off, David nodding his head as he listened.

Okay, I'll run up a quick show, but I would rather like to start Francis off with a solo. To introduce him, er, her, as it were to the punters.' That was a new word for me, and found that it usually referred for paying customers, but as they had paid for the trip, I supposed they qualified to be given this name. Something that will get their attention.'

`There's no business like show business?' Diane offered.

`No, too crass and flamboyant for a debut. Something softer, something that offers more.'

Excuse me,' I butted in, I do know the words to "Bali Hai", from that new American show, "South Pacific".'

Perfect! A single spotlight, colours changing. Slowing moving up to front, and then when you sing Come to me', you move slowly backwards, beckoning with your hands. Perfect! That's what we'll open with. Then we'll go into one of routines that Francis knows.'

So that was it. We were up at the dressing room early for me to get dressed and for Diane to see to my make up, and though I would rather have been without panties, my dress was too short, besides, I'd got an erection just putting on the underwear, so I had to wear them. I must say that it was almost a case of narcissism as I preened myself before the mirror when I was finally ready.

Then it was time for the show, and my palms began to sweat again, and Diane wiped them for me and gave me a hug as we went out and stood in the darkened wings as David opened the show.

Ladies and gentlemen,' the single spotlight was on him as he faced a full lounge of passengers waiting to be entertained. You know that in the storm, one of our small cast was seriously injured, and cannot perform for you. But,' he was being quite dramatic in his speaking and the use of body language. `But, at the last minute, and I mean the last minute, a vision appeared. One that stepped in to astound me, and I am certain will astound you. I give you Francis, our very own Queen of the Seas.'

Then the spotlight hit me. I couldn't help but blink and I felt Diane's hand give me a push, and so I moved forward to a smattering of applause until I was centre stage. Then the lights started to change from the harsh white light to a soft mellow orange and I heard David start my music, Bali Hai.

David was right. To move backwards as I beckoned them to come to the island, was perfect. The applause that came when I'd finished almost made me come, such was the feeling that went through me that they had actually liked my singing. I curtsied in response and quickly got out of the spotlight so that the show could go on. I fluffed a few of my steps in a couple of the routines, but as a beginner, it went down very well. It, and I were a success, and we got an enormous applause as we took our final bows.

That was one of the best shows we've done!' David exclaimed as he whirled me round and kissed me before doing the same to Diane. We've made it, and it is all due to you Francis,' he said as he held my shoulders and gave me a deep kiss. Diane broke that up and gave him a slap.

Congratulations are in order, but not to that extent,' she snapped, as she then gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. Well done Francis, I'm very proud of you.' The gin bottle was brought out and we toasted a very successful evening. It was then off with the make-up and as it was now past midnight, went down to our cabin.

David had already left and so just the two of us went below and into Diane's cabin. It took me a while before I could say our cabin. There, I stripped off naked and hung up my dress, folded up the underwear and then jumped up to catch the overhead pipes to haul myself into the top bunk.

I didn't give any thought that my actions might be offensive to Diane, to see me naked swing myself up to the bunk. She never said anything and came to accept it and it eventually came to a point where she too would strip naked in my presence before getting into bed herself, but I'm jumping ahead slightly.

Tomorrow was the crossing of the line ceremony and I had to take part, it being my first time to cross the Equator from one hemisphere to another.

It took place on the well deck. That is the part of the ship just in front of the bridge and before the forecastle, which is usually abbreviated into being called the foc'sle. A canvas structure was erected to hold water. Some wags called it a fish's pool because it didn't really qualify as a swimming pool only being about ten foot square and six foot deep.

Here, the ceremony took place. Us first timers, ten boys and two stewards were paraded before the biggest seaman available, dressed up in seaweed and other artefacts of the sea as King Neptune. He had his acolytes who got us into line and then, one after the other had to stand before him and ask for permission to cross over. To do this, we had to be shaven first and then washed to clean us of the impurities from other seas.

It was funny to watch until it was your turn. After saying all the words you are then covered in some kind of foam and then a ridiculous oversized cardboard razor is used to shave this foam off you before you are then thrown into the pool. Afterwards, you are given a certificate to show that you have been accepted by King Neptune to pass between the two hemispheres without hindrance. It was all a farce but jolly good fun, but this was to be my last contact with those of the lower deck in this fashion. I had kept my trousers on for this shaving and dunking, and when I managed to avoid everybody and get up to Diane's cabin, I took off the trousers, albeit, wet ones, for the last time. From then on, I stayed in a dress.

Cynthia had said that she didn't want any of the dresses that were hers and so Diane and I modified them to fit me. The only time, at this stage, for me to wear high heels was for when I did a duet with David. So in our cabin, I would practice walking up and down the short space in these shoes. How crippling and yet strengthening of the calf muscles it was to walk in them. Diane would walk up and down, and I would then try to walk the same way, to give the hips that little bit extra sway to the sides as the weight left one leg to land on the other.

Then there were the lessons in applying make-up to one's face. I made her jump out of her skin one day when I did my face up like a clown. Other than that, I did very well in such a short time. It became exciting for me to be able to sit down before a mirror and apply kohl to the eye lids and brush the lashes. Gently powder the face and then apply lipstick to my mouth. I could even bring myself erect just by running the tip of my tongue across the freshly painted lips and pout at myself in the mirror.

For getting erections it was when I ran the silk stockings up my leg and fixed them to the suspender belt and then stood up to see that they were nice and smooth.

Diane quickly got used to me stripping off completely, not only to go to bed, but in the mornings, jumping down, tackle swinging before I put on a robe to go for a shower. Then getting dressed in a woman's clothing.

There was a shyness in her when she revealed her breasts for the first time in the cabin, but this soon wore off. How I had longed for that kind of form when I was little, thinking as a girl. Expecting to grow up and eventually have breasts like hers on my own body, breasts that I could press my lover's head to in times of emotion. Such was the power of Jane Austen. I would watch to see how she walked when those two orbs bounced when they were free from their constricting attire. Then watch her when they were fettered, and I tried to adapt my own style of walking as if I had a pair offsetting my balance as they did to her.

It was when she was pantyless that fascinated me. I remembered the pictures that the boys acquired in the training school and pinned up on their respective walls. But this was the real thing that walked and even stopped in front of me. The lack of organs at the front and what I didn't know of, hidden behind that little bush of hair where the thighs joined the torso. There were times that I wanted to ask if I could see and touch, but deep down I knew that it would destroy the relationship that was building up between us, so all I could do was look and wonder, surreptitiously so to speak.

But I've digressed and gone a little too far into the future in this fascinating pastime to say the least.

So with dresses and other underwear in the cabin, I stripped and, again with a bit of help, put on the stockings and suspender belt and made the fixings between the two. Then came the now padded bra and panties. There must be something in putting on those stockings and such like, because I got an erection again, so quickly tried to hide it by pulling the panties on fast and stuffing myself inside them. With my dress on, Diane then sat with me and made up my face from the small vanity case.

With both of us dressed up and ready to kill, we sallied forth up to the bar to meet David. He was pleased with our appearance I could see, and he gave us both a peck on the cheek and ordered us a gin and tonic each. Fortunately the barman didn't recognise me, otherwise I would have been refused, being underage.

David then ran over the programme for the night which, happily to say, I was conversant with. So we had our drink and then made our way to the dressing room for a final touch of the warpaint as it was getting close to the time for our show.

After the previous afternoon's exhibition for the Staff Commander and Purser, followed by my debut, I had no qualms about appearing now out on the stage in front of the passengers to do our stuff, and I'm pleased to say it went off perfectly.

I sang and danced with both Diane and David and I got a wonderful applause from both my solo turns. It was quite a heady experience for me and I loved that show of appreciation. I think I must have positively glowed after we had taken our final bows. I certainly felt flushed with this success and thought that my future career was thus mapped out for me.

The three of us, flushed, sweating and thirsty, then went to the bar before it closed for a celebratory drink to the night's success. Then we went to the dressing room for us to take off our stage make-up and we all hugged each other and danced a little jig before we had another drink. I was quite tipsy when we said goodnight to David as we parted to go to our cabins. It was some relief to get down there and close the door behind us.

I mopped my face as Diane poured me yet another gin and tonic, and foolishly accepted it and drank it straight down and held out the glass for a refill. I pulled off my dress and kicked off my shoes and lay down on the lower bunk. Diane had also taken off her dress and sat down on the edge, but with her thigh touching mine. She handed me my glass and made a toast to the new star on the horizon. I raised my glass in acknowledgement of her statement, and then started to talk of what I shouldn't have.

`Diane?' my voice was quite slurred by this time, but I'll leave out the stuttering and stumbles and keep it straight.

`Yes?' she asked, turning, the dim light of the cabin highlighting her bra covered breasts whilst keeping her face in shadow.

`I remembered the remark you made to David about not letting me share his cabin. What did you mean by it?'

`I...I didn't want him taking advantage of you.'

`Is he...?'

`Yes. He would rather go with a man instead of a woman.'

I know how he feels,' I mumbled, but as to the other, I don't.'

`Pardon?'

`What?'

`You said that you know how that feels. Is that going with a man?'

Sort of,' I grudgingly admitted. Well I've never been with a girl before. I suppose it's because I've always been a girl myself.' She laid her hand on my arm and it was very warm and felt nice and tender.

`Explain what you mean? Why do you think you have always been a girl?' Her voice was that low and soft, I think it beguiled me. Or was it the gin. Well that's what I've told myself ever since. In my state of inebriation, I went on to tell her of my upbringing. When I'd finished, she leaned over me and gave me the sweetest of kisses. My hand reached up and cupped one of her breasts.

I always thought that I would grow these. I actually used to look in the mirror every day to see if they were coming. That's how much I believed and wanted to be a girl.' I was gently rubbing that covered breast with the palm of my hand. Then Donald. My Donald showed me how to love another person, and from then, I've been in love with him ever since.'

Diane moved and reached behind her and unclipped her bra, shrugging it free and letting me see her exposed breasts. She took one of my hands and held it to one of them.

`You've never had an experience with a woman then,' she asked in a low voice, encouraging my hand to start to move on its own. I rubbed her tit, enjoying it as the nipple rasped against my palm. I finished my drink and she took the glass from my hand and let it fall to the deck as she turned and leaned over and kissed me. It was a nice soft kiss. Softer than Donald's, but just as pleasant.

`Get this bra of yours off,' she said huskily, and helped me sit up and get it off. She then rolled onto the bunk with me, her breasts squashing against my chest as we kissed again. We kissed and fumbled, getting out of the rest of our clothing until we were both naked and pressing our bodies against each other. It was strange having soft flesh against my own and not feeling another hard cock against my own as our stomachs met.

I'm glad she wasn't as drunk as I was or I think I would have tried to stuff my prick up her rear end if she hadn't taken me in hand, literally, and guided it to the right place. It was wet and warm and not what I had expected, loose and with not much tightness. But I moved in much the same way, and because of the drink I suppose, it took me some time before I was anywhere near ready to come.

Diane, meanwhile was getting rather frantic beneath me, squirming and thrusting up to meet me, while giving out lots of funny noises and began to claw my back. I gripped her tight beneath her shoulders and pushed harder still until I finally erupted and came within her as we both cried out.

Whether it was poor ventilation in the cabin or the fact we were in the middle of the Indian Ocean, or, even more likely, our own exertions, we were absolutely covered in sweat. It was pouring off us as we pulled apart, making a familiar sweet sucking noise as our flesh became disengaged from each other.

`God! And that was your first time with a woman?' Diane panted as I flopped down alongside her on the narrow bunk.

`Yes,' I panted, trying not to move my head as my brain seemed to be swimming about inside it.

`Then God help the woman when you've had more experience.' We lay there panting in the heat that seemed to envelop us until she finally roused herself up onto an elbow to look down at me.

`How old are you, really?' she asked.

`Fifteen. And a half,' I added.

`How old were you when you went with Donald? The first time I mean?' Diane asked.

`About twelve.'

`And how old is Donald?'

`I don't really know, I've never asked. I know that he baptised me.'

`The dirty old man he...'

He's not!' I remonstrated, rearing up, my head suddenly pounding. He's a lovely man, and anyway, it was more my fault than his.' I had to lay back down, tears in my eyes. `My aunts couldn't provide the kind of love I needed. The father figure so to speak. I must have encouraged him in some way, and I don't regret it in the least. He loves me and I love and desperately need him.'

`How many men have you been with then?' she gently asked me.

`Two. No, three if you count the man that raped me last week.'

`Who was that?' she asked.

`I don't know. It was the night I got the news of my aunt. He was supposed to take me to my cabin, but he took me to his. He gave me some drink and then had sex with me.'

`Why didn't you report it?'

`I couldn't. I didn't know who it was.'

`Who was the other man then?'

`An old school friend of Donald's. The three of us had a wonderful time on his last leave, and Donald and I cried together when we were told he had been killed during the D day landings.'

`Didn't you have any other friends or playmates in the village?'

`No. It was mostly filled with old people. The ones closest to my age went off to war. There were no other children there at all. I only had my aunts and Donald.'

`You poor thing,' Diane said, stroking my forehead, and that's about the time I fell asleep with that hand caressing me.

Diane woke me in the morning with a cup of tea and some tablets, which I swallowed down with the tea. She moved about the cabin doing what she had to do, leaving me to recover from my second hangover. At that stage I was counting them, but as I got older, I lost count, so gave up trying to keep score.

When I recovered sufficiently to sit up, I realised I was in her bunk, and then I remembered what we had done the night before. She'd covered me up with a sheet and obviously slept in the upper bunk, leaving me to snore away the night in hers. I swung my legs over the edge and, with a hand to my head, struggled to the wash basin and virtually covered myself with cold water. She was sat in the chair and watched as I made my way back to the bunk, not noticing or caring about my nakedness. I sat down and looked at her bleary eyed.

I'm sorry about last night. I feel ashamed of myself,' I said. I don't think I should have done what I did considering all that you've done for me.'

Don't be silly,' Diane replied, slipping off the chair and dropping onto her knees and putting her arms around me. It was me taking advantage of you! You were the one that was drunk. Now you can say you were also raped by a woman.' She began to laugh, then stopped, an appalled expression came over her face. `Oh please forgive me. I shouldn't have said that. It was so insensitive.'

Forget it,' I said, I still feel ashamed of myself, telling you everything about me and yet still making love to you.'

`Don't be silly, as I've already said. What you told me last night stays with me, besides, it was wonderful. I haven't come like that in ages. I must also confess that I would like to meet your Donald. He sounds like a wonderful man.'

`Believe me, he is!'

Now, if you don't mind me saying,' she started as she grinned up at me, you look bloody awful this morning,' she finished with a little laugh. `In this game, it's better to make sure you have all your make-up off before you go to bed. You've smeared mascara all over the place. Now let's get back to the basin and clean you up properly.'

She led me back to the washbasin and washed my face clean for me even though I was still unclothed. Her dressing gown had become untied and I could see her breasts and the downy bush between her thighs, but the sight didn't arouse me at all. When washed, she sat me back down on the bunk, and with her gown refastened, left the cabin. It was only minutes before she was back with a pot of coffee; where she had got it from, I don't know, but it was a blessing and it revived me.

From that day on we were like sisters, sharing our food, clothes, and on the odd occasion, a man or two.

I managed to put my stockings and suspender belt on by myself, and when dressed, albeit with the same one I'd worn the night before, Diane then did my make-up for me. She had thought that I would be dressing as a boy during the day, but I said that that period was now behind me, and I would be as a woman from then on.

I was surprised how many people didn't recognise me in my new role. To those who did, I told them that it was part of my job and they accepted the fact. The only one who didn't was Roger. He tried to find out why I wanted to stay in that kind of job, wearing women's clothes all the time, and I couldn't really find the words to tell him, so we drifted apart, and when I left the ship, never saw him again.

To be continued.