Disclaimer: it didn't change from the last time you read it. If you even take time to read this that is lol To make it short: this isn't true, I don't know BSB, don't read this if you're not old enough or don't have enough of an open mind to read it. Short and painless. There you have it :)
Thanks to everyone who's been sending me feedback: Andreas (you are DA BOMB!!! Thanks for the laugh, buddy :), R. James (am I forgiven for whatever it was that I shouldn't have asked?), Scott (I hope everything's working out for you :), Josh (I'm still waitiiiiiiing lol), Colleen, Alex, Casey, Eddi, Loveheart, Ross (take your mind out of the gutter, sweetie lol), Gabrielle, Rosie, Nicholas (hey, man lol) and John. You guys rock! :)
And last, on to the begging part of this brushes knees, kneels down, joins hands and looks up with the most angelic and adorable puppy dog face: Mail me? I'm begging! Mail me and tell me how I'm doing so far. And I love to meet new people, so it would be really nice to hear from you. Comments, criticism, compliments should be sent to luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com. Mail me even if it is to say "hey". I answer all the e-mails I get! Promise!
stands up and brushes dust off knees Now that I've said enough: sit back and enjoy yourself!!! grin
French Kiss Me - Part seven
by Fallen Angel
Later that afternoon I was totally settled in Brian's house, after making sure, yet again, that it was ok to be there. He assured me again and said that if I asked one more time I'd have to go and sleep with Tyke and Litty, so I decided to shut my mouth. As much as I love dogs, the idea of actually sleeping with them wasn't all that appealing. We talked for some time just about the tour. He explained how the tour was, some of the funny things that had already happened to them and some of the annoying ones too. How crazy some of the fans were and how overwhelming it was to be on stage, how cool it was to have thousands of people singing to your songs, people that didn't even spoke the same language as you. His eyes actually shone when he talked about performing. That light made his eyes even more beautiful. I had to remember myself a couple times not to stare at him while he spoke, something awfully difficult when he looked right into my eyes. I had never met someone who talked and listened so intensely, all the while looking into your eyes, almost right into your soul. I wasn't one of those people and with that he got my ultimate admiration.
We decided on pizza for dinner later so we both went for showers. I was so thankful for that. Planes aren't exactly my idea of fun.
After my so loved shower, I went back to the living room to wait for Brian. As much as I tried to convince myself that he was a lost cause and that all this attention was just because he was a nice guy, Nycky's voice kept ringing in my head "Brian was checking you out", "Open your heart", "Pay attention around yourself", "Girlfriends don't make a guy straight"..... Damn her! Thinking of her reminded me I should call her then so later I wouldn't ignore Brian. I fished my cell out of my pocket and hit speed dial #1. It rang and rang and I was about to hang up when she finally decided to pick it up
"Hello?"
"And just what the hell were you doing that it took you soooooo long to pick it up?"
"Hi there yourself" she started "And to answer your question: I was with a hot blonde hunk doing sinful things that would make the devil blush. Happy now?"
"Damn you!" I replied and we laughed
"So, has he jumped you already?"
"No!"
"Jesus! He's even slower than you!" she laughed
"Be thankful I'm not there or you'd have to wear a nice purple 'necklace' on your funeral"
"My, are we violent today? You know what you need?"
"Another roomie?"
"HAHA! You need sex! You've been too edgy in my opinion"
"And who said I valuate your opinion?"
"You're no fun to talk to today" she said and I knew she would be pouting
"Forget the pout. It doesn't work over the phone" I teased and she chuckled. We both fell silent and I knew what question was coming next
"You still thinking about that?" there it was
"'Bout what?" I played innocent. I knew what she was talking about or rather who. We had discussed it over and over and over again in the airport before my flight
"You know what"
"There's nothing to think about that"
"J, you should try it"
"And then what? Have my mother hanging up on my face? No, thank you very much"
"Tomorrow's her birthday. People get emotional on their birthdays"
"I'm not into taking that risk. I'm not ready"
"Fine. Today you're impossible to convince"
"There's always a first for everything, right?" I said trying to lighten the mood and actually got a chuckle in response "Nycky, I'm fine. Really. I guess I got kinda numb after some years. It doesn't affect me as much as it did before"
"If you say so..."
"Yes, I say so. Trust me on this one, k?"
"OK. Gotta go now. Meeting at the restaurant." she said and I knew she'd be rolling her eyes
"OK. Luv ya"
"Luv ya too. Bye" she said and we hung up. I sat there, staring at the phone. I hated lying to her but I couldn't tell her how hurt I felt at that moment. Not being able to talk to your parents for years could never not hurt. But she would be worried over something that couldn't be changed. I couldn't change the past as well as I couldn't change who I am. I wasn't surprised when a tear ran down my cheek. I wiped it just before Brian appeared at the top of the staircase. Argh! Why did he have to be so gorgeous?
"Hey, have you been waiting too long?" he asked as he came downstairs
"Nah, I used the time to call Nycky." I said as he sat down beside me
"Oh! How's she?" he smiled
"The same smartass I left" I chuckled
"You guys are really close..."
"Yeah. She's great. Sometimes she annoys me to no end with how well she can read me." I smiled "Even over the phone" I chuckled
"It's probably a best friend thing. Sometimes I think Nick knows me better than I know myself." he chuckled "Before him I just had that kind of bond with my mother and then later with Leigh."
"My mother and I had that kind of bond once..." I thought and just realized I had said it out loud when he replied
"You don't talk much about your parents..." he said hesitantly, as if he was expecting me to hit him for saying that
"Maybe it's because they haven't been an active part of my life for some years now..."
"Can I ask why?" he asked and though I wasn't exactly into talking about that, I decided that it was ok. Though I was shaking like a leaf: if I told him, I'd have to tell him the reason. And I was scared to death of how he might react. I've already told you about my over-imaginative mind, haven't I? Well, that part was providing me a wide range of awful things that might be about to happen just in the few seconds it took me to answer him
"They kicked me out of our house five years ago..." I said and he gasped "When I told them I'm gay" I completed and instantly regretted saying it when he started choking. If I had been nervous before, now I was even more if that was possible, the only thought going around in my head being "OMG! He's homophobe!" Believe me, I was ready to jump up and run at the slightest of his moves. I just sat there, not knowing what to do, afraid that if I touched him he'd react badly
"They kicked you out just because you're gay?" he said as soon as he could form any words. I didn't know if he knew but that "just" in his question was as comforting as a back rub and I found myself letting out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in.
"Uhm... yeah..." I replied looking down at my hands as we both fell silent
"Man... and I thought it was hard for me..." he said so softly that if I wasn't by his side I probably wouldn't have listened. My head instantly shot up and I stared at him as he stared at his hands
"Wha... what did you... just... say?" I asked slowly, thinking I had probably misunderstood what he had said. It had to be a misunderstanding.
"I said I thought my coming out to my parents was hard but it was nothing compared to yours" he said and finally looked up, his eyes finally meeting mine "Yeah, J, you heard it right: I'm gay" he completed and I couldn't bring myself to put my jaw back in place
"But... but... you're... you're engaged... to a woman!" I replied and he chuckled
"Cover up. Management can have the 'brightest' of ideas when their money is in risk. They wanted to set me up with a woman as soon as they found out." he chuckled, though it was more out of sarcasm and bitterness than any other thing "I refused till Leigh decided to help me so they would leave me alone. It was around the time of my surgery and I had my mom and Leigh worrying about me being under stress. I didn't even have a say in it, the two of them decided and comunicated it to me later" he laughed and I managed to let out a chuckle though it was obvious that I was still a little out of it. And he noticed it "You can close your mouth now." he teased and I laughed
"Oh, c'mon! You have to admit it's a little.... uhm.... overwhelming to have you coming out to me out of the blue when I was sure you guys were all straighter than straight. I mean, Kevin's married..."
"Kevin's straight." he cut me off "As far as I know of." he completed and we laughed
"Well, you know what I mean... it's..... weird..."
"Guess it is"
"Thank you though. For trusting me enough to tell me that" I smiled and hoped he couldn't listen how loud my heart was beating
"And thank you. For not freaking out." he replied and we laughed "What do you say we order that pizza now? I'm starving"
"I don't know if I can digest anything else tonight but, hey, sure" I replied and he laughed. I couldn't even point all the emotions floating around in my mind. Surprise, relief, confusion, afinity and, deep down, hope. And believe me, I was beating myself up for that last one...
French Kiss Me - Part eight
by Fallen Angel
The next month was spent preparing all the moves to all the new songs, rehearsing new songs as well as old ones, getting to know everyone (I hated being "the new kid" of the bunch), joking around with everyone, going to Disney's (well, I had never been to Disney's so gimme a little credit here) with Melanie and Mark (the guys refused to come with us for obvious reasons) and trying not to tell Nycky about Brian. I'd never had to hide anything from her but then I'd never had someone trusting me with such an important thing. Everytime she asked if he "had jumped me" already, I had been about to blurt out the truth but held myself. First because if he wanted people to know about him, he wouldn't be engaged to a woman. Second because if I told her, she'd kick my ass big time for not "jumping him". Either way, I wouldn't be the one spreading "the news" (which would make the happiness of every single tabloid in the planet, I'm sure).
On that note, Brian and I got kinda close. Nothing too intimate. Guess it would be the afinity I mentioned before. We both loved movies, we both loved basketball (and I kicked his ass big time. And repeatedly might I add), we both liked guitars (the difference being that while he was good at it, I sucked), we both loved home-cooked meals, the problem being that we both sucked at doing it (me more than him), so we had to go for ordering food. He actually cooked a few times during my stay there and though I told him it was good he wouldn't believe me no matter how much I tried. We both loved a lot of things in commom and it made me happy that I had finally made another really good friend. Even if things didn't turn out the way Nycky wanted, it would be nice to have him just as my friend as well...
Other thing in commom was that we both had our Nycky's. I was even a little scared to actually meet Leighanne fearing to find a second version of MY Nycky. And from what Brian told me, the resemblance (both inside and outside) was frightening: they were both blonde, beautiful, smart, funny and knew better than anybody else on the planet exactly what to say to make us want to crawl in a ball and die. And yet, we loved them. Well, men can be pretty stupid sometimes... even the gay ones...
Brian said I'd meet Leigh about a week into the tour, in England. She always joined him whenever she could, after all they had to make people really believe they were together, right? Though I knew he didn't have much choice, everytime he talked about Leigh being in this mess to help him, the guilt was crystal clear in his eyes. He told me he had tried to talk her out of that but she'd just wave him off, saying that she needed a place to live anyway. And besides that, being with him was excuse enought to travel a lot more than if she wasn't with him. I couldn't help but think of how like Nycky she was really proving to be. They were of that kind of totally dedicated friends who'd give their lives to make their friends happy. And being on the receiving side of that bargain would make anyone feel guilty. I knew that because Nycky had done almost the same for me, in a different way of course, but in a way it was all the same. His guilt got even heavier once their fans started attacking Leigh for the simple fact that she was with him. First because she wasn't really with him, second because even if she was, that wasn't reason for her to be attacked for.
Anyway, I was really looking forward to meeting her. That would be about ten days from then in Manchester... Europe... it had been far too long since I had been there... I missed being there... it brought good memories... painfull memories but good nonetheless...
WAIT! Before you start cussing me, throwing things, threatening me, I'll be sending parts nine and ten as soon as I'm allowed to! Phew! Saved my skin, huh? lmao
These were just another boring connecting chapters. The following installment will be longer though. So, go ahead and tell me how much you loved this (sweet smile) so I can send the next hehe The more love I get, the faster I send (muahahahahahah) ahem sorry... Mail me at luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com
Hope to hear from you all. Thanx for all the feedback I've been getting. I've already mailed you privately thanking you, but I just can't thank you all enough. So... THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH! hehe See ya! Luv, hugs and chocolate! Fallen Angel