Friends and Lovers

Okay well here is another part.... NO I didn't die or fall off the planet....

I've been working.. lots...

Raven

okay enjoy....

Friends and Lovers Ten

Disclaimers.. You should really know this by this point... if not this is not real and as much as we wish it were its just fantasy...

Notes.. The time line is sped up.. I needed to do it so that I could write this part...

AJ rolled over and reached for his husband and found that he was not there yet again, this was getting to be too much. Howie was affectionate when he pressed the issue but not until then, it had been three months and Kevin was more receptive to him than his own husband.

"Your awake." Howie said as he entered the room, AJ hadn't even noticed the shower was running, but apparently it had been if his husband's wet body had anything to do with it.

"Yeah I am" AJ replied rolling away from him, he couldn't bear for him to see the tears forming in his eyes, he never cried and yet the simple thing of his husband showering by himself made him cry.

"Alex, we have to meet in Kevin's room soon."

"I'll be there, go with out me."

"Kay." Howie quickly dressed and left the room, he didn't know why he was doing this but he was mad, no rather he felt betrayed that AJ hadn't confided in him.

AJ rolled over to hug the pillow beside him it carried his sent and he needed to smell that he need the comfort that it brought him, he was so tired of apologizing and he wasn't going to do it anymore. He picked up the phone and dialed down to the front desk.

"Good morning, Debra speaking how can I help you?"

"I need a room this is AJ McLean and I would like a single room on the floor please."

"Of course, we will bill Jive."

"No I'll pay for it myself." AJ replied.

"Of course sir."

"Thank you."

"I'll send the bell hop up with you're room key."

"Thank you." AJ replied. He hung up and gathered his stuff; he was going to be out of here before breakfast was over. The bellhop knocked on the door a few minutes latter and AJ had him help move his stuff to the new room, five doors away from Howie. Then he went to breakfast.

"Hi guys," He said as he opened the door, and grabbed a plate.

"AJ." Nick smiled at him, from his seat on Brian's lap, after that last night three months ago they had finally gotten together, they were a happy couple who were taking it one step at a time, they were still trying to adjust to the newness, as it had taken Brian the first month to woo his blond sweetheart.

"AJ you aren't sick are you?" Kevin asked he realized how very little that he was eating.

"No I'm fine." AJ replied as he finished eating what little there was on his plate.

"Guys we have a month in Orlando starting tomorrow, we fly out after the concert."

"I'm not going back." AJ cut in, he didn't look at anyone but Howie as he said it.

"What?"

"Kevin please don't, I need to be alone and figure out where my life is going." AJ replied as he walked towards the door.

"You are not running away from me."

"No you are pushing me away."

"AJ."

"AJ?"

"AJ, don't."

"Howard I am leaving don't try to stop me, I won't listen. Kevin I am sorry for everything, maybe you can teach him to forgive me. I can't seem to get through to him."

"AJ.. I know why you did what you did and I can forgive you, I have forgiven you," Kevin looked pointedly at Howie as he talked, his eyes pleading him to fix this and make it all better. Howie wouldn't look at him he wasn't ready to let his pain go. Seeing the look in his eyes AJ walked out leaving him with the other members, not looking back, if he did he would cry.

Howie looked at the ceiling his arms crossed over his chest his face stony, he wasn't going to budge, the guys watched him, they were scared.

"You are going to lose him." Kevin said quietly, his voice sounding loud in the deathly quiet room. Howie looked over at him, and shrugged.

"You really think so?"

"Howie he loves you and he has never wanted to be away from you, here he is leaving you to go off by yourself, and he's staying here."

"Kevin he needs time."

"No he needs to feel loved, you aren't doing that." Kevin yelled at him, he was mad, so mad at everything and yes he was still upset with what he did, but he did forgive him.

"How can you not be mad at him?"

"He promised her, he promised."

"He could have said something to me."

"And break that promise, sure that would really make him feel good."

"Kevin, I'm his husband, he should have said something."

"No Howie she made him promise and if you were in his shoes you would have done the same thing."

"NO I would have told him."

"Howie he was hurt really hurt by his father, he broke his promises all the time, he sees himself doing that as being like him." Nick whispered.

"What?'

"Howie he told me once that he would never be like him, in anyway."

"He never told me any of this."

"Yes he did, with his actions and his music."

"He's loves you, and right know that is hurting him." Brian said, and he pulled Nick to his feet.

"Forgive him, or lose him." Kevin said.

Tera was sitting in the hospital, she was waiting for her friend's doctor to come and talk to her, she was slipping further and further away each day, and she knew that she wasn't going to see her child when it was born. Not even looking up she took the cup of coffee that Keik handed her, they were both there and yet she knew that someone was missing. Tera looked over at Keik and asked the question that was weighing on her mind.

"Should I call him?"

"He hasn't called to see how she is"

"I know but he has a right to be here, to say good bye to her."

"Call, she will forgive you. You know that she could never be mad at you for acting in the best interests of what is right." Keik took her hand and squeezed, she knew that Tera would do the right thing and in the end that Raven would thank her, she needed to say goodbye to him, he was the love of her life, she was giving her life so that he could have their child that was important.

"Go call him." Keik pushed Tera to her feet

She pushed dialed his number on the pay phone charging it to her house; she was nervous and afraid of what he would say, as she felt he must not know about any of it, as he hadn't called to find out how they were.

"Hello?" His voice rang out over the static filled line, it sounded like he was driving.

'Kevin?"

"Yeah."

"It's Tera."

"Hello, so what do you want?"

"She's going fast."

"So?"

"Don't you want to say goodbye?"

"She didn't"

"Kevin she will give birth soon, and she is going to die, they think that she may even slip into a comma, before the baby is born."

"Tera she left me, and never said a word about anything."

"She was wrong, but please say goodbye to her, you will regret it if you don't"

"I'll think about it."

"Kevin think fast she may only have a few weeks." Tera replied as she hung up the phone.

He turned down the next street it wasn't his, but he needed to see Brian and ask his opinion on what to do.

"Bri?" Kevin asked as he heard the phone on the other end pick up.

"I'll get him." Nick replied as he heard Kevin's voice it was trembling like it had when he found out about Raven.

"Kevin?"

"Tera called."

"And?"

"She is dying."

"Go to her, tell her that you love her, that you forgive her."

"I don't forgive her,"

"Kevin you do love her, and if you let her go without telling her you will feel guilty."

"I know, Brian she will be showing."

"I know, Kevin you have to see her, so that it is real to you. You are going to be a father, you have dreamed of this for so long."

"I never had a chance to give her my opinion and that hurts."

"Tell her, and let her hear you."

"I don't want to go alone."

"I'll come with you."

"I'd like that." Kevin whispered, he was afraid all of a sudden.

"When do you want to leave?"

"Tonight."

"Kay I'll get the tickets."

"Bring Nick."

"I will, do you want to call Howie?"

"I should tell him."

"Kevin I'm going to call AJ."

"She would like that." Kevin whispered, he knew that the two of them were close and that she would most likely like to see him before she went.

"We'll meet you at the airport." Brian said as he hung up, Kevin couldn't respond he just let the phone fall down into the cradle.

Tera sat in the VIP lounge and waited for them to arrive, she was told that both planes would arrive at the same time and that security would bring the four members of BSB to her, Howie decided that he would come latter, as he said he would deal with management.

"Tera?"

"AJ."

"How is she?"

"Not good, they hope that she can hold on for a few more days so that they can deliver the baby closer to time." Tera replied as she opened her arms to the man standing so close to her.

"I miss her,"

"She misses you to, she wanted to call but felt that she shouldn't, she didn't want to cause anymore problems for you and Kevin."

"He forgave me."

"Then why are you still in Berlin?"

"Howie hasn't"

"Hasn't what?"

"Forgiven me."

"Oh AJ."

"This is not about me, this is about Tera and the baby." AJ said his voice catching as he saw Kevin standing not even two feet away.

"Kevin?"

"I needed to say goodbye."

"That is good." AJ pulled him into a hug.

"It's good to see you."

"He's not with you?"

"He's coming latter." AJ nodded, it had been three weeks and he missed him so much that he cried himself to sleep almost every night.

"We should go to the hospital." Tera said, they all looked at her and nodded. The drive was quite and somber, they were all afraid to talk, Tera finally had enough.

"She would want you to be happy."

"She is dying." Kevin whispered.

"It doesn't matter, she sent Keik out on a date last night."

"Does she know that we're here?"

"No Brian we decided to not tell her."

"Why?"

"She didn't want you to see her this way, she wanted you to remember her healthy and happy."

"She isn't going to like this." AJ muttered.

"She doesn't get a vote." Tera replied as they pulled up into a parking space near the door.

"Let's go." She opened her door and led the somber group into the hospital and the elevators she route so engrained into her mind that she could make it in her sleep.

She led them to the final door in the hall a private room, one that she knew Raven couldn't afford but that AJ could, she didn't say anything though.

"Go talk to her." Tera pushed Kevin into the quite, the only sound was the tapes that Kevin made for her, of him singing and laughing, it was so easy when they began to date, he would record his letters and send them to her. She was listening to him talk about the children that he wanted at some point. How he would name his son after his father, and his daughter after her mother, he stopped in the door as he heard his voice, she was propped up on the pillows caressing her child, he wasn't prepared to see that. No matter how many times he told himself she was pregnant he wasn't prepared to see her body, her tiny body swollen with child.

'Hi.' He said, bringing her aware to his presence.

"Kevin?"

"Yeah it's me," he stepped closer to her.

"How?"

"Tera."

"I'll kill her, haunt her, something, you weren't ever supposed to see me like this."

"How, pregnant?"

"Dying." The tone so flat, as though she was accepting her fate ready for it.

"I had a right to know."

"You do know."

"Not because you told me though."

"Kevin come here." Raven motioned him closer her arms weak the motion tiring her further.

"You need to hear this." Kevin stepped up to her side, and reached a hand out to her. Raven took it in hers, and placed them both on her stomach.

"Our child, is going to live and you have to be there for him or her."

"Raven."

"Kevin, I know you are mad, but I had to give this baby live, she or he deserves it, I won't be here to watch him grow."

"I...."

"Tera will raise him if you don't want to, she has promised me."

"Raven, I want to talk about us."

"Kevin please, let me do this." He nodded.

"Promise me that you will not shut our baby out, promise me that you will look in on him,"

"I promise."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Kevin I'm sorry."

"I know, I forgive you."

"No you don't."

"Raven..."

"Kevin you will never forgive me this, I know that."

" I will."

"Maybe, Kevin don't hate this child." Raven said, as she pressed his hand firmer against her stomach, Kevin jumped as he felt a small nudge.

"That's our child, he has been doing that for three months now, he is very active." Raven smiled, her eyes began to tear as the pain of knowing she would never see him walk got to her.

"I won't" Kevin promised he wanted her to be happy in her last few days.

"Get Tera for me." Kevin nodded as he pulled away from her. "Tera."

"She wants to see me."

"Yeah."

"Hey."

"Kevin can you give us a moment?"

"Sure." Kevin walked out the door, closing it behind him; he walked right into Brian's open arms and cried. "She asked me to not hate the baby."

"Kevin?"

"Brian she asked to not hate the baby, to not blame it."

"Can you do that?"

"I have to, I told her I would." Kevin sighed, he wasn't sure if he could do it though.

"Kevin?" AJ's voice whispered behind him, as though he was afraid to talk to him.

"AJ. She looks so small, and sick."

"She is." Keik's voice sounded from behind them.

"I know." Kevin replied, shuddering.

"You will never get used to it."

"Have you?"

"No Kevin I haven't and she's been like this for almost two months."

"I can't bear to see her like that."

"She choice this, Kevin remember that."

"I do every day that she is not with me." Kevin muttered his face turning hard.

"Kevin I'm sorry I really am, I forget that you love her as much as Tera and I do."

"I just didn't get a chance to show it." Kevin finished for her; he turned to the door, and wished he was in there.

Tera stood beside the bed waiting for Raven to talk to her; she was quite and yet not seemingly mad. Tera hoped that she had seen the sense in having Kevin here.

"Thank you."

"For?"

"For bringing him to me, take care of him."

"Raven, he doesn't need that."

"Yes he does, he will never tell you, but he has always been attracted to you."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"So that you will not feel guilty if anything ever happens." Raven smiled, she knew in her heart that Kevin could be happy again with her best friend.

"Raven he will always be yours."

"Maybe, but you will have something, rather someone in common."

"He should take the baby."

"We've been over this."

"I know, you can't blame me for trying."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't" Raven chuckled, gasping as her breath was stolen from her.

"Do you need..."

"No, he would just sedate me, I want to see them."

"Who?"

"The guys."

"I'll send them in."

"As a group."

"I will." Tera nodded, she couldn't refuse her, she was going to be gone soon.

"Hey happy thoughts, remember I won't die I will be back."

"I know, but I'll miss you anyway."

"Go get them." Tera walked to the door and beckoned the three boys out side to come in. Kevin just stood there until Keik pushed him into the room.

"Hi, so why are we all looking like our favorite bunny's were stolen?"

"How are you?"

"Dying." Nick gasped.

"Nick come here." Raven motioned him closer, " You are my baby boy, you taught me how to be patient and giving. I know that because of you I would be a great mother."

" I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Hiding your suitcase so that you had to wear that awful pea green shirt and florescent orange skirt." Raven laughed as she remember that, Nick was mad at her because she was monopolizing all of Kevin's time so he played a practical joke on her.

"I forgive you." She pulled him closer to her so that she could kiss him.

"Brian you take care of him, make him happy and remember to watch him like a hawk."

"I will."

"Nick you do the same."

"AJ.. Where is Howie?" Raven asked as she realized he wasn't in the room.

"In Orlando."

"Why? Why aren't you wearing your ring?"

"I left him."

"Alexander James you fix it. You fix it, you two belong together."

"So do you and Kevin." AJ shot back.

" I know, but you know why." Raven watched him as her words hit, and she knew. "He's mad at you because you never told him the truth."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I never wanted to hurt you. Oh AJ I am so sorry." Raven trembled as the tears threatened to fall. AJ reached out to her, only to look at Kevin as if to say this is your job to take care of her. Kevin rushed to her side and held her close.

"Shhh.. It's alright Howie will come around, he'll be here tomorrow." Kevin tired to sooth him. Raven watched as she nestled closer to his warmth.

Tera watched as her friend spent her few moments with the love of her life she was so much happier than even a day ago. She never even noticed as her doctor came to stand beside her,

"She looks happier, more alive."

"She is, that's Kevin."

"The father?"

"Yeah."

"So he does exist," the doctor chuckled. Tera smiled and laughed, "yeah he does." Keik entered the room, as she wanted to talk to her friend.

"AJ thank you, for my present."

"No problem."

"What did she get you?" Nick asked trying to start a conversation with her, he wanted to make friends with Raven's friends, they as a group had hardly ever seen Keik.

"They were so nice I wear them all the time."

"Keik that's enough." Raven stared at her; he eyes laughing at the corners.

"What was it?"

"Well Nick you have a pair on."

"These are Brian's"

"So are mine." Keik chuckled, as Brian shot a glance to AJ. 'That's where they went."

"Yeah, they are perfect for her." Raven laughed, her small thin body shaking and trembling with the effort. Kevin held her closer steadying her body, taking care of her was second nature to him.

" You stole them?'

"Yeah Keik we did." AJ blushed, he couldn't look at Brian.

"You stole my pants?"

"Yeah."

"Kay next time ask." Brian replied, AJ looked up with shock.

"We will." Keik smiled, she loved getting a shock out of people. "Tera come in, hey Doc."

"Keik, well how is my patient?"

"Fine."

"Not tired?"

"A little, but it is worth it.'

"I guess so, what ever you are doing keep it up." She turned to Kevin as she spoke. He blushed, and the guys laughed, "You made him blush he never blushes," Brian laughed.

"Raven you should sleep."

" I will."

"We'll leave we have to settle in the hotel." Kevin stood and pulled away from her, but not before leaning down to kiss her head.

Kevin stood outside the door to his room as he steadied his heart. Brian stood in the hall watching him, he was worried about him, in the past three months he hadn't dealt with the pain of the betrayal he felt, and he worried that it was hitting him know.

"I'll be fine."

'Kevin?"

"Brian go be with Nick I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah you deserve to be with him."

" You think."

"GO Brian you need him."

"You need her and that baby."

"Not know Brian please." Kevin looked at him, his face vulnerable and sad, the last time that he saw him sad was when his father died. He nodded as he walked back into Nick.

Nick pulled him into his body letting himself absorb the pain and worry that was consuming his best friend and now boyfriend, he would not classify them as lovers as that implied they weren't going to last, and he knew in his heart that they could. If Brian could forgive him the stupid things he did, then he knew they could work through anything.

"I do love you." Brian whispered, "promise me that you will never leave me, no matter what, even if you think it is for the best."

" I promise." Nick replied knowing that he needed to be soothed, telling him the truth was never a hardship.

"Hold me, all night." Brian said.

"Are you sure?"

"Nick please I need to be with you, I need to be held by you, just held."

"Kay, come on we should sleep we have a tiring next while ahead of us, he could say how long as they didn't know how long she had. Nick held him close as he needed to remind himself that sometimes love did work, that it was real and that it didn't always mean heartache. Brian snuggled closer in the night, taking comfort from him, loving the feeling of him next to him, when he woke and was unsure of his surroundings feeling him his heart made him feel safe and well loved.

AJ stared out the window, his thoughts on one single person, the love of his life the man that he gave his family up for, he missed him so much and yet he was so mad at him he really didn't care to see him. He wanted to yell at him, he wanted to make him feel like he had made him feel. He was going to be there the next day, and AJ knew he wasn't ready for that, he wasn't strong enough to not let it bother him.

"AJ can I come in?" Kevin's voice brought him out of his thoughts; he opened the door and let the other man in.

"Kevin?"

" Can I forgive her?"

"That is in your heart."

" I love her and I hate her at the same time."

"How so?"

"Well she decided her fate and mine with out telling me and as much as I understand, I hate that she did that. I love her because she is giving herself so that our baby can live."

"I understand, but does she?"

"I can't tell her,"

"Why?'

"She is dying."

"So, she would want to hear the truth especially when it concerns the baby."

"So I tell her that I'm afraid that I couldn't love her child, like I should."

"You said her child again."

" I did?"

"Kevin you have to realize that the baby is yours to, you called it our baby a few minutes ago, why not now?'

" I don't know, she asked me to not hate the baby, to look out for it."

'So are you going to?"

" I don't think that I can."

"Tell her that, let her know what you are feeling, she deserves the truth before she dies." AJ counseled he was tired and lonely, and here his friend was having a child, a child, he and Howie talked about adopting, but that was out of the question now.

"AJ I'm sorry, I forgot."

"About?"

" You and Howie talked about kids didn't you?"

"Yeah,"

"Are you okay?"

"I will be."

" I'll keep him away from you."

"Thanks, but I have to face him at some point."

"When you are ready I'll make sure you are alone." Kevin replied, he liked having something other than his problems to worry about; it was nice in a twisted way.

"Kevin worry about you for a change." AJ pulled him into a hug, and held on for dear life. "Love her and let her know that." AJ pushed him out the door leaving him with his thoughts.

*******************888

The next few days were uneventful, Howie was delayed in Orlando arguing with management about the need for a longer break, and well he was arriving today, today, AJ wasn't prepared for this and he knew he probably never would be. He was sitting with Raven, she was getting worse and they wanted to deliver the baby as soon as possible, hopefully before she lost consciousness.

"You are giving up aren't you?" Raven whispered, her voice strained even talking hurt now,

"You are too." AJ countered he wasn't going to let her give up, he wanted her to hold her child, she deserved at least that after the sacrifice that she made.

"I am dying and the last time I looked Howie was alive and so are you."

"He won't forgive me."

"He will."

"Raven I gave up everything to be with him, I love him and I will never regret the way things happened but I refuse to apologize for keeping my word."

"You should though it'll fix everything." Raven said, her eyes falling closed the pain medication was knocking her out more and more, the doctors didn't want her to feel the pain. "Kevin she's sleeping you can come in." AJ said as he felt a presence behind him,

"It's not Kevin." Howie replied, he had heard his confession, and it hurt him, but he needed to say goodbye to her, and that meant facing him.

'I'll go." AJ stood and brushed by him, not looking him in the eye, he didn't want him to see the pain that was living in his.

Howie sat beside her, and just watched as her chest moved up and down he had to watch hard as it seemed she wasn't breathing at all, that's how shallow her breathing was. He sat alone and watched her; he was trying to come to terms with the fact that his husbands promise to her was more important than him, than truth between them. Kevin watched from the door he was just getting back from talking to Raven's doctors, they told him that the baby could have some problems from all the pain medication that they had given her, and that she probably would be gone before the weekend, three days and she would be gone, she wasn't going to make it to the start of the ninth month.

"Kevin she's sleeping come on in." Howie turned to him, motioning him forward.

"I love her Howie and I am going to lose her, you have him don't let him go not over something that you yourself understand."

"He lied to me."

"Did you out right ask?"

"No."

"He would have told you if you had." A quite voice whispered, Raven's blue eyes once so full of life were looking at him, staring into him.

"I want to forgive him I really do."

'Then do it." Raven replied, trying to reach for Kevin, he leaned over and grabbed her hand.

"I can't"

"Howie don't make the mistake that I did."

"What mistake?"

"I gave up Kevin for the baby I didn't tell him, I know that was wrong and I regret it,"

"You'd do it again though."

"No I wouldn't I'd tell him, I'd let him help me." Raven looked at Kevin and tried to show him with her eyes, using what emotion was left there to tell him how sorry she was, her heart slowed, and her eyes closed.

"Howie go get the guys." Kevin pushed him out of the way, he needed to hold her.

"Kevin?"

"Tera get the doctor, she's going." Kevin cried not caring that the tears were falling, that she could see them. Tera raced to the nurse's station, "She's going."

"Code blue stat to the or. Code blue stat to the or." Kevin watched as they rushed into the room, when he tried to release her hand, his was caught in a death grip.

'Come with us, talk to her, keep her here." The nurse said as she realized his predicament.

The rest waited in the private room provided by the hospital, Tera paced and Keik tried to distract her, it wasn't working.

"Tera we knew this would happen."

'It doesn't make it any more wrong." Tera ground out her voice filling the silent room; she hit the wall and bit her lip keeping the scream inside.

"Let it out, I will if you will." Nick said as he held her close, she nodded no, it wasn't going to help.

"Tera come here." Brian opened his arms, he needed to help her.

"I can't."

"What?" AJ looked at her, realizing the promise that she made.

"She made you promise to not cry until we shed her ashes." Keik looked at her.

"Yeah, she didn't want to be the one that made me sad, the only tears that she wants are the ones of happiness as we send her to her next life."

"Next life?'

'Brian she was Druid,"

" I know."

"She believes that the spirit never dies and that you are reborn into the next life as a different being."

"She believes that?"

"Yeah Howie she does, she made it her mantra when she was diagnosed after she was told she was pregnant."

"It helped her to carry on." Keik finished.

"I'll miss her." Nick said out of the blue.

"I will to." Kevin replied as he stood in the door his face white his eyes dead.

"She...."

"She's gone,"

"The baby?'

"She is fine."

"Kaylyn Alexis Raven." Tera whispered.

"What?"

"That was the name that she picked."

"Alexis?"

"After AJ Howie."

" What does it mean?"

" Kaylyn means pure waterfall, a new beginning, Alexis means helper or defender of mankind, while Raven well that doesn't have a meaning."

'So your daughters name means pure defender," Brian smiled at Kevin.

"She's small."

" Is she beautiful?"

'I didn't really see."

" Kevin?"

" I need to be alone." He turned to leave, no one stopped him, they knew he needed the time; he found his way to the small hospital chapel and stood at the door.

" God, you took her and gave me a daughter, I don't think that I could ever love her," he stopped and looked to the crucifix on the wall " I watched as she died, she hung on long enough to give me our child and then she just left, I never told her that I understood, because I don't we could have had other children, even if the cancer had made her infertile we would have adopted anything." Kevin rambled and railed at the heavens because he lost her and yet gained another to help him move on, she was healthy for the most part.

"Kevin," Nick's voice entered his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"She's having problems breathing."

"Who?"

"Kaylyn."

"Oh.."

"Come on." Nick dragged him to his feet and forced him towards the neonatal unit.

"I can't." he stopped,

"Why?"

"If I hold her I'll love her."

"That is a good thing." Tera smiled at him as she pointed to the small being in the crib by the window, she had a tube in her nose and everywhere else.

"Do they hurt?"

'No, she's fine they are helping her breath and she'll gain weight soon."

" I see Raven in her."

'So do I. But I see you to."

"I want to hate her, does that make me a bad person?'

'Kevin you are hurt, you never got the chance to tell Raven how you felt and that makes you mad, but the fact that you don't hate her, that makes you the person that she loved."

AJ smiled at him, he wanted to help him, to make him feel better, and in a small way atone for lying to him.

"She's mine." Kevin traced her face on the window, his eyes softening as he looked at her, she was beautiful, "She's beautiful Nick."

"Yeah she is, you make cute babies Kev." The younger blond said, rubbing his hand across his back.

"Mr. Richardson, do you want to see her, touch her?" The nurse asked from behind them.

"I can do that?"

'Yeah, it's good for them to hear familiar voices, and feel gentle touches."

"How would she know my voice?"

"Raven played your tape to her, all the time she wanted the baby to hear your voice while in the womb."

"Oh.. I want to." Kevin looked at the nurse, and then back at the guys, he was ready to be a parent, he wanted to be her father, and raise her. "Go' Brian pushed him towards the nurse. They all watched as he entered the nursery, donned in a pea green hospital gown, pants and hat, he walked slowly towards the crib, pulling a chair with him; he stared at her, and reached slowly to touch her.

Kevin traced her tiny little hand with his index finger, she was small, and vulnerable, he wanted to protect her. ' I love you..' he whispered, his voice soft so as not to wake her, she had a mop of black hair and when she opened her eyes they grabbed him, so much like her, she would have Raven's violet eyes, she captured his heart in an instance.

"Hey, I'm daddy," he traced her hand, and talked to her, telling her about her uncles. "Brian well, he's your cousin, and he's a funny man, he loves Nick, so you had better get used to seeing them kiss, it is so cute when they do that. Mommy wanted AJ, you are named after him, she wanted him and Howie, that's his husband to make up, I say we do that, we get them back together." Kevin talked for hours, about everything.

"Mr. Richardson, it's time to leave."

"Already?"

"You've been here for three hours."

"Really."

"Yeah, she's doing better." Kevin looked over at her, she was breathing steadily, and that was a good thing.

Howie watched as AJ lit a candle, he who never entered church, because he couldn't believe in what they taught was lighting a candle.

"She was Druid, but I thought that she would understand." AJ said, explaining his actions, he knew that he was there the whole time, he always knew. Except that last time.

"I think that she would."

" Howie, what happens now?"

" I don't know."

'Maybe when you figure it out, you could let me know."

" I think I could do that." Howie replied, he was unsure of where this was going.

" I'm going back after the memorial, after I say good bye to Kevin and the guys."

"Why?"

"I can't go back to Orlando, it's where you are and that hurts to much."

"Why?'

'Why? You are asking me why?"

'Yeah."

"Okay, because every time I see the contempt in your eyes I hate myself, every time that I see the hurt I hate myself, and then I hate you."

"You hate me?"

'Yes. Marriage is about loving each other through the good and the bad, forgiving each other mistakes."

"You lied to me."

"I kept a promise, I will never apologize for that."

" I don't understand. We are supposed to tell each other every thing."

"Why? What would you have done if I told you?"

'I would have.."

"Told Kevin. She didn't want that."

'It wasn't her decision to make."

'Like hell it wasn't, she chose to not say anything, because it was her body her decision."

"It concerned Kevin."

" She knew that, and guess what, he has forgiven her, he understands why she did it."

"AJ you lied to me."

" Fine. You are never going to forgive me, and that means that this marriage is over."

"You don't mean that."

'Yes I do, I am done hating myself for keeping my word, I am done felling sorry for doing what my consciences told me to. I will not be hated by you." AJ screamed, his face red, and his eyes cold.

"Alex.." Howie reached out to him,

'No you gave up any right to that name when you refused to see it from my side." AJ walked away leaving him alone he pushed past Brian and Nick, he wanted to be by himself, he just walked out on his marriage. It was over, he would never forgive him, he couldn't that would be weak. He walked steadily away from the rest of them, he knew that the end was there; he couldn't look at him day in and day out, it hurt too much.

"Howard fix this, now!" Kevin yelled, he was mad, he was fuming.

"No."

'NO? You are giving up the best thing in your life, I lost the best thing in mine and you are walking away from yours."

"He lied to me."

"Get over it."

"What?"

'Get over it, look at my daughter and tell her that the sacrifice her mother and your husband made so that she could live was wrong." Kevin glared at him, "tell your niece that she wasn't supposed to live, because he shouldn't have lied to you."

"What?"

'You would have told me and I would have ranted and raved at her, talked her into aborting our child so that I could have her."

"You don't know that."

'Yes I do. In here." Kevin pointed to his heart. He was coming to terms with the fact that he would have lost her, his little princess. Howie looked at him and saw the fact in his eyes, he would have fought her and won if he had known.

"I can't let it go."

"Talk to him, look at him from his point of view, he was doing what his consciences told him to." Nick whispered, he didn't want Kevin to fight this one alone, Brian stood silently behind him supporting him. Howie looked down the hall after AJ.

"Go." Brian pushed him. He did.

********************88

The end...

Raven..

As always comments are welcome... purpleraven81@hotmail.com