Locked In
I was invited to a church lock in this weekend. My friend from school had invited me because they were encouraged to bring friends. I don't know it sounded fun and it was him and two of our friends going, and the rest of his youth group. We were the first ones there and we stood at the end of the counter laughing and keeping to our selves.
Before I continue, let me tell you what I look like because the rest of the story will be better then. I'm the ideal picture of a geek, at least in my opinion. I don't have a lot of color in my skin but I'm not ghostly white. My glasses don't exactly enhance my blue eyes, but they help me see. I was skinny and short, about 5' 6", and when I say skinny I mean skinny. Not anorexic, but I was always told I had high metabolism. So like I said most people think I'm a geek. Further, for awhile now I have been considering the fact that I am gay. It's one of those things I want to fight but don't know if I can, and what's worse is have no one to talk to about it. And at 15 that is hard...
The youth leader was a nice woman, with red hair, and an attitude to match. I liked her for the most part. Her friend, the male chaperone, was nice but really quite. It was getting boring fast until the door opened and in walked a guy, by no other means could I describe him. He was gorgeous, and this is coming from someone who almost literally kicks himself for thinking about guys. His hair was short and spiked, with a fresh goatee. His skin was a light tan, like he had just tanned for that week; it was also so clean, with a dark hair on his arms. I didn't know what to think, and that scared me the most.
I leaned toward Michael and whispered to him; try to sound calm with excitement almost leaking out. "Who is that?"
"You know my friend Caleb?" He looked up me as I nodded. "Well that's his cousin Jay, they are real close and Caleb started bring Jay a couple of weeks back, they are a lot alike." There was something in his voice that was masked in my ears by my excitement. I made a mental note about it but didn't give it any more thought. Chris, the youth director, looked at us with a smile and gave introductions.
"Jay this is Brandon, Mike, and...Sean right." I looked at when she said my name and say his green eyes glisten. He smiled at me a big genial smile. His smile was easily his best feature, next to those dazzling green eyes. He was skinny, not like me, but well built and thin.
"Nice to meet you." I said as he nodded at me. By this time three others, younger than us, had joined us.
"Ok Guys you ready?" Chris beamed at us. We all went to the Church Van and piled in. Michael, the two other guys with us and me claimed that back...just because. Jay sat two seats in front of us with a junior named Ken, and one of the middle school kids. The two other middle school kids were girls and they took the next row up.
We went to play laser tag which was fun; we kept to our group which gave me a split feeling of relief and sadness. I felt like I should get to know him, and yet I was safe from embarrassing myself in this group. After laser tag we left and had the same seating as we did before, this time we were on our way to Bowling. This was something I planned on having much more fun in because I bowled myself. I wasn't great but I was in a league and I was just learning.
We got out of the van and I was opening the back to get my ball when Jay walked up next to me.
"You bowl?" He said, his voice washing over me. I could only nod.
"Me too, I could only bring one ball though." He chuckled.
It took me a second to respond, and at this point I felt so stupid. When I finally regained my voice, I said "I only have one ball."
He looked at me and smiled as we waited in line to pay for our passes. My friend weren't bowling so that mean I knew no one and would probably end up bowling with the little ones. Jay looked down at me and began to make conversation about bowling. When I actually talked back, we talked about leagues and equipment. I had only started using a straight ball, and he was using a hook ball. I felt so weak for not being able to throw the same ball size that he could. He was only two years older than me; Michael had mentioned that he was 17 in the van.
We walked up to the five lanes that had been reserved for our group and Jay took the one at the end that had no one on it. I walked down toward Chris and Ken, and took a deep breath and turned back.
"Can I bowl with you?" I muttered. Jay turned back and looked at me.
"Sorry?" The music was loud and I hadn't said it very loud.
"Can I join you?" I almost shouted.
"Oh, Yea Sure, I thought you were anyway." He smiled and shrugged. He smiled a lot; he seemed to be generally happy.
After we got our names in the computer and our shoes and stuff on we began to bowl. He went first, he lines up and takes his approach and the ball glides from right to left right into the pin shattering them into a strike. He made the game look so effortless and magnetic. It was my turn next, and I go up and promptly let the ball roll to the right and knock over one pin. Hey, I said I wasn't good.
I turned around to see Jay standing at the end of the ball return, again he was smiling.
"Shake it off, get you a good one." He said.
This time I went up and throw the ball so it rolled right over the spot where the pin I had already knocked over had been. I was so ashamed to be bowling with him.
"You already hit that one." Jay laughed. It made me smile which was good.
Again Jay made it look so easy, he goes up there and throws a perfect ball and misses one pin and goes again picking it up effortless. This was the only time I saw him get upset. He didn't like missing like that.
I stood up to go bowl again, and he stopped me.
"Hey Sean, can I make a suggestion?" He looked slightly more serious.
"Yes sure." He smiled and gave me a couple of tips to help my throw. Things that I didn't even know I was doing wrong. Taking his advice and going to bowl, I threw a strike.
"There ya go!" I heard him before I saw him; he was giving his biggest smile yet and holding his hand out for a five. The bowling went on well after that. About one in the morning the bowling was over, our adrenaline was still pumping. We all climbed back into our seats and headed back to the church where the real lock in began.
Marauder
The church was one big square which made games like tag fun, but these guys didn't play tag like normal. They played a game called Marauder, it was like Tag, and Hide and Seek mixed, in the dark. When we started they used some weird hand thing to determine who was it, the three of us new people were obviously last to do it. Since we didn't know it, they made Michael it. Jay walked by Michael and elbowed him playfully, and Michael grinned up at him. They seemed to share some secret that we (I) didn't know.
We started off just running around the church looking for unlocked rooms and places to hide. At one point there were four of us hiding in one small room, which I knew probably wasn't the best idea. A voice came from the door, being pitch black I couldn't tell who it was, at first.
"Sean? Who all is in here?" Jay's voice came in slowly, and not exactly deep but soothing. To the resounding genius of my friends there was a chorus of 'Me's'. In the dark I rolled my eyes.
"Hey, one of you guys come down here, so there isn't so many of yall in one place." It was funny how he said some words with a southern drawl.
I saw movement at the door as I assumed he walked down the hall further. It took me a second to get up and out of the room, looking around slowly I couldn't see him. I glanced down the hall and saw him standing silhouetted in the door frame of another door.
"Down here is the best hiding place." He walked into the room. I followed him in and was instantly face with a room full of clutter. He dogged the stuff carefully and tried not to make noise. He let me pass him and pointed to another door. He followed me by the wall of junk and pulled a chair to seal it off. We walked into the tiniest little room with a toilet in it. It was connected to another door exactly opposite of the one we had just come in. We walked through that one into a room, much more clear and empty.
"This room is locked from the outside. So all we have to do is listen and watch..." he pointed to the window in the door. "...and when we see him coming and hear move the chair and stuff, we open this door and run." He smiled; I could almost see him by the lights from the outside windows.
"Cool, that's a good plan." I looked at him trying to show him that I was genuinely smiling.
"So you're a freshman?" He asked.
"Yea!" I said dumbly.
"I'm a senior, what classes do you have with Michael?"
"French and some other core classes." I said.
"Really, I took French, four semesters of it. My teacher was more like my mom." He sounded happy or excited.
"Wow. They only offer two semester of each class at our school. I'm thinking about taking Spanish afterwards." I shrugged, not that he could see me. "So how are you and Michael friends or how do you know him?" I asked hoping I would get that "secret" from him inadvertently.
"He and my cousin, Caleb...they are..." he stopped for a second and glanced at me. "...friends, and Caleb started bringing me to church with him, Michael is a cool kid.
That pause, what had it meant. I was not a dumb kid as I have already stated. I began to see small connections but didn't want to say anything yet.
"Shhh..." I heard him whisper and move toward the door. He jumped back as a shadow fluttered past the door. He motioned for me to come to the door and wait with him. He placed a hand on my back as he moved me in front of him and placed that hand on the door knob. It was weird, almost not knowing this guy, and yet here I was virtually in his arms. I know it was just a game but I felt safe, and I felt that he was protecting me. I know I don't know him, but it was weird, I just felt that connection.
There was a scrape and a clank from the room next to us, the chair was being moved and the bathroom door being opened. We opened our own door to the hall and bolted. Jay was behind me and I heard a scramble from the door way behind us. Michael had come out of the first room and was chasing us. I heard Jay moan and the running stopped. He must have been tagged.
"Hey! Michael, come here." He called. I was about to turn the corner and I glanced Michael stopping and turning to walk back to Jay.
I ran and turned a corner and ended up in a dead end hall with three doors, I picked one and hid behind one of the tables. I didn't have to wait long for someone to come in the door. The lights from the window provided enough light for me to see it was Michael. Followed soon thereafter by Jay. Michael saw me and rounded the table as I rounded the other side. I passed by Jay and he turned to face Michael, blocking him from me.
I ran out of the room and Michael and Jay stayed behind. Talking. I dashed into another room and Jay came out in the hall.
"Don't worry; he won't tag you with me around." Jay said as he stood at the door way.
Michael ran by and down another hall. Jay left the door way and slowly followed down the hall. From the room I saw that Jay was out of the way, and Michael dashed down from the other end and into the room.
The Brick Wall
Michael had this fiendish shadow of a grin across his face as he chased from one side of the table to another. I was waiting for Jay to come back and help me but I think he was distracted down the hall. Michael had me cornered in this room and wasn't letting me near the door. Michael made one mistake and that was opening up and moving toward me. I ducked his arm as he reached across the table and tried to run toward the door. I stepped across the threshold.
Have you ever heard the saying 'it was like running into a brick wall'? Well that's what it felt like when I left that room. Jay had come back and the same moment that I was striding out the door. I ran into him hard and fast. He didn't even move, it was literally as if had run into a brick wall. I didn't realize exactly how stout he is, I assume that he was all muscle and I was just so small.
As I fell the world seemed to fuzz in and out but I didn't hit the ground. I felt arms around me, and they lowered me to the ground. As my vision cleared and I put my glasses back on, I looked up to see Jay kneeling next to me.
"You ok, little guy?" He was smiling and I knew that there was humor in this.
"Did he tag me?" I looked up.
"Yea, I'm afraid so." He grinned this time as he stood and offered me his hands to pull me up. I took them with a shudder to feel his skin against mine. Was this...love at first sight? Thoughts whirred in my hands as he pulled me up effortlessly.
"Hey guys how about you give it a rest for a bit." Chris came around the corner and received about 10 moans from surrounding areas. "Sorry guys just come try to sleep and you can play some more later." She said sleepily.
We drug our feet toward the fellowship hall not wanting stop playing this game, we wanted to start a new one. After we were all in the room together we all split up to stay quiet in our own little ways. I was surprised when Jay grabbed a book out of his bag and flopped down beginning to read. I don't know why I was surprised; I guess books weren't something I assumed he liked. Our two friends Brandon and Mike went to one corner with a couple of pillows to hang out and sleep probably.
Me, I wasn't sleepy at all. It was only 3 in the morning and we had until 12 noon to last. I think that I would sleep later but that was later. Michael and I came over to another corner, that was covered in shadows and we sat down against the wall.
"So, what do you think?" I looked at Michael as I pondered his question.
"What do you mean?" I didn't want to seem stupid but I didn't want to say something I would regret either.
"The lock in, duh." He chuckled.
"Oh, it's fun, maybe not now but it is fun." I said with a sigh.
"This isn't normal, our lock ins don't usually happen the night before church, and they are never this long. What do you think about Jay? Cool guy huh." He was smirking at me.
"Huh, oh yea, he's pretty cool. Is he...um well...Gay?" I asked slowly and softly. I wanted to know so badly but I didn't want it to seem like it was because I wanted to know. I glance over in the shadows to see the smirk grow bigger.
"Well, I think so, I've never really asked but, Caleb said that he thought he was as well." I looked up at him. I knew that he couldn't see my face but I was hoping that I wasn't beaming, I didn't know, my brain was swirling in fantasy.
"Why do you ask?" He looked at me in the darkness. Oops, darn, why did he have to ask such hard questions?
"Oh I don't know, it doesn't bother me but I was just wondering, kind of thought so in the first place." I looked down to try and hide my face in even more shadow. When I glanced back up I saw Jay walking toward us. He offered a hand to both of us and jerked us up without even a strain.
"Having a nice chat?" He was looking at Michael with a maniacal look on his face.
"Always." He grinned back.
Shaking his head he said "Chris said that we could play again, she kinda sorta left me in charge but you know how that goes..." He shrugged.
"Who's it?" Michael asked, Jay turned and pointed to one of the younger girls. Michael nodded and left the room leaving Jay and me standing there looking at each other. I could feel my face getting red again, I was doing this a lot tonight, and blushing was not something I usually did.
"So...I'm sorry for knocking you down..." He was slightly nervous in voice.
"Oh, it's really ok...you caught me so it was all good." WHAT DID I JUST SAY? That wasn't me, I didn't flirt...I don't flirt...I don't even know how? I could see him smiling and it made me smile...which made this one of those really awkward events that you just wanted to run and hide from. So that's what I did. We both did.
I was running down the hall and had lost Jay as he turned into the sanctuary and I ran on down the hall. I turned into what they called the "parlor" and down a back hall that ran into sanctuary the back way. I turned through a door and saw the girl walking down the center aisle so I went farther into the hall that went around behind the sanctuary and was pitch black. I tripped on something and fell forward. Hands, strong hands, caught me. I felt my face go gently against someone's chest, a male. I found myself hoping.
"This makes two times tonight that you have ended up in my arms..." his voice was like a wave of warmth rushing over me.
"Yea, it's becoming a habit." I said boldly.
"Habits are good sometimes." He retorted and lifted me back to my feet. A door opened and someone rushed in and tagged us.
"Gotcha!" She rushed back out again.
"I guess we were talking too loudly." I laughed. I saw something shift and then I felt him lean forward and our lips touched. I was shocked at first and slowly I took the kiss, it was short and fast. Nothing extremely romantic but subtly exciting.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to do that." He shifted again and I could see him backing away. I decided to be bold again.
"Because...I'm complaining?" I said, very fast and almost slurred. There was a pause, a long pause. We stood there looking at each other; it was pitch black so I assume he was looking at me. I stepped forward slowly and felt arms wrap around me in a hug. I tilted my head back slightly and found his lips with my own. This kiss was pure passion; I knew this because there was no reason for a kiss like this...in a church...out of desire. We broke apart and continued to hug, just being comfortable in each other's arms.
When the light snapped on we separated and I turned to see Michael come around the corner. He looked at us and said "Game's over. Half of everyone is asleep." He left and went into the sanctuary. I looked back to Jay and smiled, he returned the smile. He put his hand on my shoulder and then guided me to the "parlor", which had been shut at some point in the morning.
"It's cold." I muttered and it was. The temperature had dropped quite a lot since we had stopped running and slowed down. Jay smiled and walked down the hall toward the kitchen where we had all met at first. Where I had first met him.
I sat down on the couch shivering and had lain down on the couch drifting slowly into a dream world. I felt something fall down gently on top of me. I roused enough to see that Jay had laid his blanket across me and had walked back to the other couch where he lay down with a pillow. I slipped back into my dream and woke again, glancing at my watch it was now 6 in the morning and I had been asleep for an hour.
I looked over at Jay, he was curled up on the couch with his hand between his leg, not shivering but looking cold. I got up off the couch and took his blanket back to him and threw it over him. I turned to walk back to my couch and I felt a warm touch on my hand. I looked down and saw Jay looking up to me offering space under the blanket with him.
I was so tired that embarrassment was overridden with desire and sleep. I slipped onto the couch and his arm draped the blanket over me. I wrapped my arm through his so that we were in twined. His body seemed to pulsate heat; he warmed me from the core. It was amazing that (even in a church) something that could have been so sexual was so perfectly comfortable. To sleep here in his arms, I truly felt that God had brought me to this place for this reason...ironic huh?
A Secret...or Two
The morning was interesting, we woke up on our own before church people had even decided to drive to church. So we knew that no one had seen us like this. I woke up last with his arm still draped across me. I thought I was first so I slowly tried to lift his arm so as not to wake him. As I lifted his arm, I felt it tense and wrap tightly around me.
"Not wanting to leave, are you?" I wrapped my arm back around his as I realized he was awake.
"No, I don't want to...but I think we should get up and dress for church." I said.
"Yea I suppose your right." We both got up and took our clothes to separate bathrooms.
We left each other that day without saying much more to each other because of crowds. We shared a few glances but nothing more than that, and I left without talking to him again. I was deeply saddened and confused as to the events of that night. I had started off sexually confused with myself and ended up in the arms of a...for lack of a better word...stranger. But a stranger he wasn't, I felt like I had known him for a long time...like we were bonded before we met.
I left the church that day with Michael and our other two friends and eventually ended up at home where I showered and took a nap. My dreams were normal, but one person seemed to infiltrate them a lot. Waking up I reach for the phone next to my bed and called Michael.
"Hello?" I heard his voice answer.
"Spill..." I said casually
"Hey, Sean I was expecting you to call. What are you talking about?" I could hear his voice slightly laughing.
"You know something that I don't or that maybe I do...I don't know...just tell me what you're keeping from me. And I'll tell you..." I slowed and stopped talking altogether at this point.
"Tell me what, that you and Jay cuddled on the couch all night last night?" I heard him giggling.
"Bu...What...how..." I began to stammer.
"I believe that you have lost all your bargaining chips...can I come over, so we can talk about this in person and in private?" He asked cheerfully.
"Um, yea sure..." I heard the phone click as he hung up on me and I put down the receiver. Michael only lived down the road from me, so it would only take him a few minutes to get here. I threw on some clothes that were more than some shorts and a tee shirt and went to the kitchen just as Michael walked in.
"Hey! You want something?" I asked over the counter.
"Sure, how about a Sprite?" I walked around the corner and handed him the glass and motioned for him to follow me to my room. We sat down on my bed and I sat my glass down and then looked at him.
"So...you know my secret...apparently a lot more of my secrets then I thought. How long have you known that I am gay?" I looked up into his eyes. He gave me this almost shocked face.
"What...I didn't know you were gay..." I shot him that don't-give-me-that-crap look. "...ok I'm just kidding, I've known for awhile. And yes I do owe you something to." He said seriously.
"What do you owe me?" I said slowly placing a hand on his knee.
"The truth. You know how a couple of weeks ago you asked me why I haven't had a girlfriend..." I nodded and continued to gaze at him. "...well I told you that the right person just was out there and hadn't made the move yet. Well the person finally made the move and we are still together." I gave him this incredulous look and shook my head.
"What's her name?" I said shocked. He laughed slightly and a little wearily.
"Well you remember me telling you about Caleb, Jay's cousin...my friend from church." I nodded again. "Well, I fell in love with...him." My jaw dropped, it was one of those things I felt like I knew but to hear him say was shocking.
It took me a minute entirely to process what he had just said. Here was the one person that I considered my best friend and we had been keeping the same secret from each other for so long. I smiled. "That's why you have been so perky." He blushed; I could see the happiness flooding him. He took a deep breath and recounted everything from the past couple of months that had happened, every detail.
"We plan to come out as a couple, eventually, to the church and our families, maybe when I go to college." He finished his story and smiled.
"Wow, why didn't you ever tell me?" I said.
"It almost cost me my brother, I didn't want to risk my best friend..." He said as he patted my knee back. "So what about Jay...tell me about that one." He jiggled his eye brows menacingly. So I told him all about the kiss and the blanket and the couch. My story wasn't as great as his but it was different.
"Are you going to see him again? I'm sure I could arrange that with Caleb." He said smiling.
"I don't know let's wait.
The Message
UNKOWN: This user has requested to be your friend; would you like to add him?
SEAN: Do I know you?
UNKOWN: I would hope so; you only bowled with me for 5 games and then spent the entire night playing hide and go seek with me.
SEAN: Oh, hey sorry I didn't recognize the picture. How are you?
JAY: I was just wondering if you would be interested in going bowling with me sometime, I can pick you up and give you some pointers. Get some good practice.
SEAN: That would be cool, when?
JAY: Whenever I'm free all this week.
SEAN: How about tomorrow, I don't have anything to do?
JAY: Thursday it is! Send me your address and I'll see you tmmrw!
I sent him my address nervously. The message altogether had caught me off guard. It was random and out of the blue on MySpace, but it meant I got to talk to him again. I felt a little foolish because he didn't even mention the fact that I had slept the night away in his arms, or the anything about "us", but it was a good thing that he wanted to hang out with me...right?
I didn't know how to take it.
Practice and Misconception
Thursday came and it made me even more nervous that he was punctual and on time. He was even looking cute is some jeans and a button up shirt. I walked out to his car with my stuff and got, and sat awkwardly in the front seat. He looked over and smiled at me, with one of those oh-hey-good-friend smiles...maybe I was just reading into it.
We arrived at the bowling alley and we bought our lanes and went to them. I looked around and didn't see any of the people that I usually bowled with...was I embarrassed?
We began to bowl, and he was the nicest he has ever been, he would walk up the lane with me and show me what I needed to do and also he wasn't afraid of touching me. There was one point where I almost fainted because he walked up behind me and took my wrists in his hand and guided them where he wanted them to be. He was right behind me with my body in his, the safe feeling washed over me again, I just wanted to melt and fall back into him. My arm was getting weaker the more I thought about it and I was having trouble concentrating. I had to literally shake my head and pay attention to what he was saying. I followed his instructions and went up there and threw the ball, striking. I turned around and he was beaming at me, he was proud.
By the end of the practice I was bowling 20-50 pins better than I had been before. We had bowled a lot of games and my hand was a little sore, so we began to pack our stuff.
"I should have pre-bowled for Saturday." I said.
"Why, where you going?" He looked up at me.
"Nowhere, my parents both have things to do and can't take me...and I don't really have any friends in the league." I said looking down at my shoes. Friends were one thing that I didn't really ever come by so easily. Now bullies, they were attracted to me like flies to honey.
"Would you like me to take you?" He looked up at me. I considered it for a moment, not only would I get to spend more time with him and maybe see his true feelings, but I would be able to bowl decently. I was so confused at this moment, he hadn't made an emotional (or physical) move toward me the entire day, and I found this weird.
"I would like that." I smiled and we walked out of the bowling alley, not together, and I wasn't happy. I wanted him, and I didn't want to make a fool of myself...but why should I hold back, he kissed me, we slept together (not like that you sicko...), and now he was completely ambiguous to the entire ordeal.
My Brick Wall
I suffered for two days because I wanted him, and after the lock in I thought he wanted me to. It was strange to live a day where I didn't know what was going to happen the next. I wasn't this unpredictable, I knew what happened from day to day, and I didn't live so spontaneously.
I woke up on Saturday morning and did all my early morning stuff, getting even more nervous about seeing him. A car pulled up in the drive way and I went out side with my stuff getting into his car. He seems anxious, and we greet each other quietly.
The drive over was about as nerve wrecking as the wait for him. We arrived at the bowling alley and I joined my team at our lanes. I said hello to them and began to change my shoes, as Jay took a seat at the table. The bowling began and I got through the first game without any problems and I did really well.
The intercom crackled and came to life. "Attention Youth League Bowlers, there is a parent and coach meeting in the City Room at this time, please attend." In one swift motion all the adults save for a few older ones here or there moved down the alley toward a conference room. That's when the youth decided to make in known that I was THE kid to be picked on.
"Hey geek, can't lift a curve ball yet?" A tall blonde kid, not sure of his name moved toward me with a maniacal grin on his face. I wasn't afraid but I felt my face flush and glanced up to see Jay's face just as red. This kid was taller than me but Jay was bigger and taller than him, older too.
"Leave me alone, please." I feebly tried to brush off the attack. This kid was the "leader" of the youth group, because he was good looking and the oldest of us and the best bowler. No one would back him down if I didn't.
"Or what...going to hit me? I think I'd feel more pain from a fly landing on me." He said moronically. Before I could stop myself I spoke and got myself in trouble.
"I think you would feel pain if you actually tried to think once in awhile." I almost covered my mouth out of shock of saying something. I glanced and saw Jay smiling. The blonde boy stopped and slowly turned around and looked at me. He moved toward me knocking me off my feet and over the ball return. Hands found me and lifted me up by the front of my shirt; I stared into his eyes, amazed that I still had my glasses.
"Drop him!" A powerful voice spoke from beside us from the back of the well. Glancing over I saw Jay walking out into the well.
"Or what?" The blonde boy said dumbly.
"Or else you'll be dealing with me." Jay spoke calmly.
"Oooo and what are you going to do hit on me." The blonde boy was so incredibly dumb and yet so very perceptive...damn him.
"Trust me your not my type, I prefer intelligence and looks." He spoke as he wrapped his hand around the blonde boy's wrist and gripped it tightly. The hand shook to hold power and then released me quickly.
"Don't touch me you faggot, I guess you have to have your Boyfriend stand up for you now, huh, geek." He laughed at his "joke" and turned to glare at those who weren't laughing.
"Sean, just ignore him, he isn't worth the time." Jay said with a smile, I could stand it; I wanted to cry and just leave. This was all just nerve wrecking, so much conflict mixed with secrets...my secrets.
"Yea it isn't worth your time, you know I'd say no...you wouldn't dare hit on me..." the boy just kept talking was he idiotic, I had seen Jay get mad only when he was bowling but as his smile faded of his face and he sighed I could tell that he was tired of this idiot.
"Just shut up already." Jay snapped over his shoulder.
"Do it...I dare you...see what happens...I dare you to hit on me." He said the words tauntingly and in my opinion stupidly. In a very fast motion Jay balled up his fist spun around and punched him straight in the mouth. It was like slow motion as the blonde boy stumbled backward and fell over. Jay walked over to him and knelt down.
"Sorry I must have missed understood you; I thought you said hit you..." He stood up and looked at me. I knew that I was grinning; he had defended me, and protected me because he liked me. He would have denied it at least once if he didn't want it to be true. "You wanna get out of here?" I packed up my stuff all the while watching the blonde boy get up and go to the bathroom and Jay daring anyone else to say something with just a glare.
"I'm ready..." I stood up and we walked out to his car together. Sitting down in his car, he didn't start it we just sat there.
"I am so sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He said as he laid his head on his steering wheel.
"No...I really appreciate it, it made me happy, to see you standing up for me..." I had said it; I had broken the invisible barrier that had been thrown up since the lock in.
"I..." he began but I cut him off.
"Why haven't we talked about what happened at the lock in." I said strongly, stronger then I felt.
"I..." he took a deep breath. "You don't what it was like for me, I was so scared, I had only just met you and had fallen completely in love with you, just because of your eyes. I fell for you and it scared me because I didn't even know you. It was so..."
I was almost in tears, anger and happiness. "Do you want to know what I think...personally...?" I didn't give him the chance to respond. "I think that you should have trusted me to understand, considering that um I DIDN'T KNOW YOU EITHER and the fact that we slept arm in arm should have told you that I felt somewhat the same!" I was not yelling but the emotion was in my voice. His head shot around to look at me, and a tear rolled down his cheek.
He reached up and placed his hand on my head pulling me into a deep loving kiss...
Friend of a Friend
The World through my Eyes