The following story contains mentions of drug use and is sexual in nature, featuring explicit terms that some may find objectionable. While some members of the LGBTQ+ community accept and use these descriptions, I am aware that some choose not to and may find them distasteful. No offence is intended. In my defence I prefer to treat every character in my story as different, with a unique personality, lifestyle, and language that I feel reflects all aspects of the community. I hope you will continue to read and come to love the characters who live in my head as much as I do.
~ Gosunkugi
THE BEACH
The weekend away was just what Ade needed, her job had been slowly sucking the life out of her, leaving her tired to the point of narcolepsy. She was overjoyed that she worked in a place that was sensitive to her transition, one relatively free of twats and TERFs, but the relentless monotony was driving her spare.
Her friend Jen had gotten them a caravan on the Gower coast for a few days, some family members of hers weren't using it for once, and the weekend weather promised to be a scorcher. How could they not carpe this particular diem?
Also along for the getaway was her housemate and sort of boyfriend Steve. She'd been shacking up with him while she finished university, and the two of them had gotten much closer over the last few months. There'd been a few almosts, missed opportunities that she regretted not following through on, some positively golden blow jobs and horsing around, but they hadn't gone any further. She hoped Steve understood her hesitance, and so far he'd stuck around.
Their other housemate had given him a bit of stick about it, mostly shit like when was he going to start wearing a dress etc etc etc, but they could get to fuck, it was like water off a duck's back to Steve anyway, bless him.
The drive down was suitably chaotic. Jen had the use of her mum's car, and Adrienne was currently behind the wheel while her friend pontificated from the passenger seat, jealously controlling the music. They gave up entirely on the satnav after the third wrong turning, parking in a lane to lament their fate.
"I'm just saying it's fine. If the worst comes to the worst we can park up and just use the sleeping bags. It'll be a gorgeous night."
"Ade. Sweetie. Do you see this face?" Jen pointed and fluttered her eyelashes for emphasis. Steve was off kicking up dust outside in a mood. No backup there.
"Uh, yeah. It's lovely."
"And this hair?"
Jen's hair today was purple, and Adrienne was getting her point. "Alright, alright. It was just an idea."
"Seriously, lambie pie, if i don't shower tonight I am going to fucking kill myself, swear to god." Jen was nothing if not prone to sudden flights of drama.
Ade was just desperate for a change of subject. "I said I got it, bloody hell, you diva. Look, there's a bloke over there, might be a farmer."
Jen leaned out of the open window and yelled: "Steven darling! Ask that farmer where we are and how to get to the pigging caravan park will you?"
He did so with some minor grumbling, and after a few minutes chat, walked back to the car to join the girls. The farmer leaned on the gate and stared at them suspiciously.
"He said we'd just missed the turning about a mile back, then if we follow the road all the way to the coast we can't miss it."
Adrienne was relieved she hadn't gotten them completely lost. "Brilliant. Nicely done, Steve. Lemme have a quick cig and we can be on our way."
She got out of the car to stretch her legs and smoke, leaning on the hot car to watch the farmer out of the corner of her vision. He was fellating a pipe and looking like he was minding his own business, but still keeping an eye on them. She stretched her legs luxuriantly, more to tease the yokel than anything, and lay back looking up at the cloudless sky. She was glad she decided on the short shorts today.
With her nicotine levels topped up and her butt back in the driver's seat she started the engine and did a rare decent three point turn.
"Whoohoo! We're almost there, guys. Stick some tunes on," she said to Jen.
Jen queued up the Hamilton cast recording again and as the opening number began even Steve started singing along, she couldn't blame him, after all he'd heard it enough times by now.
"That poor sweet farmer, I think we traumatised him," said Ade.
Jen fanned herself with a magazine she'd pulled out of her bag. "Nonsense, I bet he got the thrill of his life. Probably thought we were Steve's harem of trannies."
Adrienne blanched at the word, she couldn't help it. Jen's use of language sometimes shocked her, and she wondered if she'd ever be as comfortable in her own skin.
"I should be so lucky," Steve laughed. "He'll be running off home with a surprise in his pants for the wife, the dirty bugger."
Steve seemed okay with it though, not offended anyway. Maybe it was just her? She made a mental note to bring it up with Jen later.
The three of them were all in fine spirits by the time they finally made it to the caravan park, and after a minor headache over the owner reading them a laundry list of rules to follow they were driving down the rows in the fading light looking for their berth.
"Number 46, that's us," said Jen, gesturing.
They parked the car and piled out to survey their surroundings.
Steve looked like he had found paradise. "This is perfect, they've even got a little BBQ and chimnea."
As the sun dipped below the horizon and bathed the world in hues of red and gold, Ade and Jen decided to check out the rest of the park while Steve unpacked.
Satisfied that the toilets flushed (Jen threatened to leave immediately if they were composting loos,) and that the showers offered them sufficient privacy and weren't some sort of horrifying stall-less nightmare, they headed back to the caravan. The other berths they passed were all seemingly empty. There were probably others staying here over the weekend, but for now it looked like they had the run of the place.
Steve had been busy while they were gone, finding the wood set aside for their use, and pulling the cooler and bags out of the boot of the car. They greedily tucked in to the beer and sandwiches while he fussed with the fire.
Jen disappeared to drop her bags inside the caravan and returned swinging a bottle of spiced rum. "Right then, who else wants to get properly fucked up?'
Soon they were nicely tipsy, the flames in the chimney crackled and popped, and before they had noticed, they found they'd gossiped well into the night.
Jen stood up with a wobble, almost upending the chair. "Whoops. Anyone fancy coming down to the beach with me?"
Adrienne looked to Steve, but he gave his head a shake. "You go on, I'm gonna chill here and roll me some happiness."
Fuck's sake, she thought to herself, absolute pothead.
Jen was already moving so Adrienne had to rush to catch up with her, which made her friend run even faster.
They were both laughing like idiots by the time they reached the sheltered alcove that led to the small beach.
Ade stopped in her tracks, in awe of the moonlight illuminating the sea. "Jen, this is amazing."
"Wales' best kept secret, darling." She pulled off her wig, lifted her top over her head and shucked out of her shorts. "You should see it in the daytime."
Ade watched her undress in a state of drunken confusion. "Jen? What the fuck are you doing?"
Her friend rage twisted out of her bra, almost straining it to the point of snapping before she was able to somehow unclasp it, throwing it on top of her other clothes.
She did a ridiculous cartwheel, falling on her arse and kicking sand everywhere. "I'm skinny dipping, you daft sausage! Come on!"
If she had been sober she probably would have curled up into a ball and died at the thought of it, but she felt brave with the isolation and the liberal quantity of rum sloshing around inside her. Fuck it. When in Rome, or Wales in this case.
Ade skipped out of her clothes in what she hoped was a far more dignified fashion then Jen. She was spared the bra, never electing to wear one, and contemplated keeping her knickers on, but quickly realised the sea would probably ruin them. Jen's back was to her as she ran towards the water, so Ade slipped the underwear over her hips, making a tidy pile on the rocks and running after her friend before she lost her nerve.
Jen shrieked as she hit the sea, but that didn't stop her. The small waves cresting the beach smacked at her knees, then higher still, covering her waist. Soon she was far enough out to dip her head under the water and came up gasping and laughing. "Oh god that's cold. Feels amazing."
Soon the two of them were in the water up to their necks. Out this far it was preternaturally calm, with only the occasional peak, which lifted them as they floated serenely. The smell of the sea was intoxicating.
"See? Isn't that better?" Said Jen with a grin.
She had to admit it was.
"I can't believe you were able to convince Steve to come. He seems like more of a stay-at-home type. I'm a little disappointed though, I thought I'd have you all to myself." Jen said, waggling her eyebrows.
"It wasn't too hard to talk him into it. I only had to mention bikinis and the boy was suddenly all over the idea, the lech."
"Well there's two nice bedrooms in the Caravan, so you and Steve can have a bit of privacy at least."
Ade was a little taken aback by the sudden thought. "Jen, you know Steve and I aren't really-"
Jen almost jumped out the water, making her ample boobs bounce hypnotically. "GET OUT! Are you messing with me?"
She was glad it was dark enough to hide her face. "N-no. I mean, we've fooled around and stuff. I've gone down on him a few times, but..."
"But?" Jen said, looking like she was enjoying this far too much.
"Urgh, you know. I just feel so awkward, and I'm a bit scared still, what if I mess things up?" Ade dipped her head low into the water so that only her eyes were above the surface.
"There's no right and wrong way to have sex when you're trans, sweetie. You just have to do what feels good for you."
Ade laughed. "I know, I guess I was hoping for an instruction manual."
"Have you been on the internet? There's a thousand and one manuals."
"Oh. Can I just be your Padawan?"
Jen splashed her. "I barely understand that reference, you gigantic nerd, but if you want some advice, sure."
"Does it get easier?"
"Transitioning? Yeah," she chuckled sarcastically: "The harassment maybe not so much, but your tits get bigger and your dick smaller, so it all works out."
Ade made a point of not looking down. "Tremendous, it barely functions as it is."
"Factory default, darling. Sometimes the firmware needs an upgrade. Speaking of, I still can't believe you haven't shaved around your clit yet." She floated on her back and pointed a foot into the air.
If Ade glowed any redder she'd be visible from the shoreline. "Can we please not call it that? It's mortifying."
"Darling, you are such a prude." Jen grinned.
"I am not! Well okay, I am, that's fair. I just don't get on with all the transy sex terms. You're so streetwise, Jen, and I'm like this big faker."
"You do fine, honey. It helps to be a mouthy bitch."
Ade raised an eyebrow: "Thanks. I think."
"Just for the record, what do you like to call your little friend? Girl dick is a nice safe word."
"Dunno. I guess I still think masc. Usually it's just my junk."
Jen shook her head. "Mmm mm, no way. Don't think of it like that, sweetie. Junk is such a negative word. There's a hundred other fun and sexy things to call it."
Ade giggled "Dick bits."
Her friend stared, eyes popping before laughing hysterically.
"Girl root? Pigwhistle?"
Jen was finding it hard to stay afloat. "Okay, please stop before I piss myself."
"Go right ahead, I don't think anyone would mind out here."
Jen chuckled: "No watersports, kitten, Come on. Let's get back to Steve before he sends out a rescue party."
They swam back to the shore, and Adrienne watched her friend as she got dressed, shivering a little in the night air. What was she feeling? She couldn't quite put it into words. Longing?
o - o - o - o- o
"Hey you two. Wow, Jen, I love your hair, looks good on you."
They came back from the showers to find Steve sitting in one of the chairs, he'd been busy, and offered Jen a big fat spliff.
"Steve, you absolute angel, you read my mind."
Jen collapsed into the deckchair and devoured the smoke. She ran her hand through her buzzcut furiously, making it crackle with static and stand up in spikes. "Don't get too used to this sudden and dramatic change in style, darling, it's just for the weekend."
Steve had a look in his eye, drink had relaxed him enough that he felt comfortable around Jen to get personal. This could get interesting, thought Ade.
"What exactly do you do for a living, Jen?" He asked. "You always have new clothes and stuff. You've got more dresses than Monica Bellucci,"
"I do alright I suppose. I still live with my mam, so I don't have to worry too much about rent, leaves me more to spend on myself."
Ade noticed Jen's adorable accent tended to creep back when she'd had a skinfull.
"Yeah, but you must have some money coming in."
"Tips and donations mostly from camming."
"Camming? What's that?" Steve asked.
Jen tilted her head, unsure if he was making fun. "You know, web camming? I get naked and play with myself for horny people online. They give me money, I give them a show. I'm a cam girl, love."
Steve looked fairly stunned. No, he looked appalled is what he looked. "Ade, you knew about this?"
She did. Even though she supported Jen, she sometimes wrestled with the idea of her best friend exposing and pleasuring herself sexually in front of hundreds of people for money. She knew how freeing it could be, but also how it could be construed. She suddenly felt like a hypocrite.
"Knew? Babe, she's been subscribed to me since I started."
Well that's fucked it, thought Ade. Willing Jen to just stop talking before she made it worse. She opened her mouth to change the subject.
"Do you want to see some vids?" Jen continued, poking at her phone.
Steve's face was heartbreaking to Ade. He looked disgusted.
Adrienne didn't want to be a part of the conversation any more. Didn't want to be on the same planet even. There wasn't a hole deep enough she could be swallowed by, so she walked off into the night and left them to it.
She felt like such a coward, but whose side was she supposed to be on? Why did there even have to be sides? This was so daft. She was too drunk for this.
She hugged herself and cried it out on the dune. Why couldn't she just be...
She didn't want to finish the thought, but there it was, ugly and bleeding like a raw wound. Trying to bring Steve into her world, expecting him to conform, empathise, understand and love who she was, and who Jen was... Stupid, stupid.
She could hear footsteps behind her on the sand and didn't know who to expect. A stumble, a yell of "FUCK!" As they stepped on a rock barefoot revealed it to be Jen, and Ade was relieved. She hated herself for it.
"Hey, girl. You want some company?"
"Yeah." She wiped her eyes. "I really do."
Jen handed her a beer. "Steve went to bed. I don't think he was very happy with me."
She felt a little sick with drink, and after only a mouthful nursed the bottle, swinging it absentmindedly with her thumb jammed in the neck.
"He doesn't use the internet much. This is all new to him."
"He's a sweetie, but God, did he really think I was some shy retiring virgin?"
"Go easy on him, please. He's still dear to me, even if he is a clueless idiot sometimes."
Jen sighed and drank deeply from her own bottle. "Fine. For you, Ade."
"Thanks." Ade smiled. She looked at her friend affectionately. "He's right about one thing you know."
Jen lifted her head and returned her gaze.
"You do look good with short hair."
She made to slap Ade on the arm playfully but settled for resting her head on her shoulder, and the two of them stayed that way until they began to feel the night's chill settling in.
o - o - o - o - o
They got back to the caravan and headed inside to find one of the bedroom partition doors was closed. Jen shrugged.
"I'll take the couch," said Ade quietly. "You can have the other bed."
"Sweetie, there's not enough room on there for my mother's Shih Tzu. Come on, we can share. We used to have sleepovers all the time in school. I promise I'll behave."
Jen was already out of her clothes and zipping two sleeping bags together while Ade was still mulling it over. She looked at her friend's naked back, her soft, creamy white skin, and desperately craved the comfort and closeness of another person, there was no contest.
She dropped the shorts to the floor and pulled off her vest top, snuggling under the covers and spooning Jen.
"Eek, you're bloody freezing." Yelped Jen.
She buried her face in the nape of Jen's neck, suppressing the urge to cry again.
Their bodies eventually warmed, and Ade rested her hand on Jen's hip, acutely aware of its weight, and afraid of pressing into her skin. "Jen? Do you remember when we were still closeted and used to practise putting make-up on each other?"
"Don't remind me. I swear one time I came out of your room looking like Frank-N-Furter."
Ade had to fight to suppress her giggles. "What are you on about? Babe, you looked sexy as fuck."
"Your arse I did. Your make-up has improved, hun, but I still can't watch that movie."
"So sexy." Ade teased. She tickled her friend's hip and thigh, making her slap the hand away. Sleep was slow in coming.
She wasn't going to continue fooling around but then Jen pressed her bum into her several times.
"Ade?"
"Yes?"
"Have you ever... y'know, done things when watching my shows?"
She had. Not really meaning to, but getting caught up in the heat of the moment and seeing her friend so utterly unashamed of her body, Ade had explored herself with a toy, enjoying feeling like a voyeur.
"Sometimes."
"I knew it. Naughty girl." Jen pressed back into her and twerked expertly.
Ade's heart suddenly beat a tachycardic rhythm behind her breastbone. "Whatcha' doin'?"
"Nuffin'. Why? What are you doin'?" Jen asked, not stopping.
She ground her hips into Jen's pillowy bum. "Mmm, nuffin'."
Her arm trapped underneath her friend's body, she flexed her fingers to stop them from going to sleep and brushed against something. Exploring it further she wrapped her hand around Jen's prodigious girth.
"Holy hell, Jen."
"You started it."
She squeezed and felt Jen's pulse: "Did not."
Jen's breathing quickened: "Did too. Ahh, cruel, cruel, mean bitch."
She wasn't able to move much, only enough to rub along Jen's arousal.
Just when her hand began to tire and cramp, Jen moaned: "Don't stop, don't you dare..."
She pumped her hand quicker in response, causing Jen to put a fist into her mouth to stifle the cries, and when she came Ade caught most of it in her palm.
"Uh... Hmm." Ade wasn't sure how to deal with the resulting mess that was threatening to spill through her fingers.
Jen solved the problem in the simplest way, lifting her friend's hand to her mouth and lapping at it like a cat, licking her clean and swallowing her own cream. Satisfied, she relaxed in Ade's arms and before long was breathing deeply.
Ade stared at her hand in the inky darkness and felt the wetness on her skin. Bringing it to her nose she was enveloped in the powerful chlorine scent of her friend's sexual release and licked the stringy traces of pearl white cum from between her fingers.
As sleep took her, she thought about Steve, and how tomorrow she would apologise again, and the three of them could try to enjoy the rest of the weekend without killing each other. She dreamed about endless waves, warm sand, and jam donuts that screamed when you bit into them.
o - o - o - o - o
Morning arrived slow and warm through the tiny square perspex window, carrying with it its typical baggage of regret.
Adrienne woke with some difficulty, a broken and hostile hangover crawling behind her eyes.
Jen snored, still asleep with a sliver of drool (or possibly cum) on her chin. So Ade lay back and wondered what time it was. Her phone was in her shorts, and her shorts were... Fuck knows where.
It was soon blisteringly hot in the caravan and her hair stuck to her face. She was about to get up to pee when the other bedroom's door slid open with a thud and Steve got out.
He looked at her, then at them both in the conjoined sleeping bag, but his face was blank and uninterested. In his hand he carried his rucksack, and without a word he left the caravan.
The door slammed behind him, shaking the whole place alarmingly, and Jen bolted awake, one eye still closed.
"Whas um?" Was all she could manage before flopping back onto the pillow and suffering a coughing fit.
Adrienne climbed out of the stifling, thermally insulated prison that passed for covers and rummaged for her clothes. Jen watched her dress, an arm draped across her forehead.
"Just leave him be, sweetie. He probably needs some time to think," she croaked, the first in probably a litany of morning after clichés.
Ade didn't answer, dashing out of the caravan after him.
He was only a couple of feet down the path, heading towards the exit and presumably a bus to take him back to the city.
"Steve, please wait," she called.
For a minute she thought he was going to ignore her and keep walking, but mercifully he stopped.
She ran up to him, a little out of breath, and rested her hands on her knees. "Not going to make this easy for me are you?"
He stood with his back to her, looking up at the sky.
"Will you talk to me?" She almost pleaded.
"I don't know what I was thinking," he finally said.
Ade wondered what he really meant by that.
He continued: "Coming here. It was a stupid idea."
Still vague enough to leave her uneasy, but progress.
"She's a bad influence on you, Ade."
And there was the rub.
"Sweetie, that's not fair," she said quietly.
Ade sat on the picnic table nearby, hoping he'd join her, but he stayed some distance away. She lit a cigarette and picked the gravel from the bottom of her feet.
"You don't get to decide my friends for me, Steve."
His shoulders drooped, making him look even more cartoonishly dejected. "It's like I don't even know who you are sometimes."
She rolled her eyes in frustration: "Oh grow up will you. What's this bullshit all of a sudden?"
He gave up being distant and sat at the table opposite her, opening his tobacco tin and fishing out a perfectly rolled woodbine. She slid the lighter over.
"You're not exactly filling me with the desire to hang around here." He said as he exhaled blue smoke.
"I want you to stay, I do. I love you Steve, but this is our life, and... I know sometimes it's weird, but it's just who we are."
"Ade, I'm serious. It's like every day I'm finding out something life-altering, and I'm not ready for it."
Life-altering. It was an interesting if selfish way to look at it. She tried to see it from his perspective and felt some sympathy for the poor sod at least.
"What Jen said last night, is that what you're into as well? What am I going to find out tomorrow?" He asked.
"Truth?"
He nodded. "Truth."
She sighed: "As far as Jen goes, I know it's like sex work and it's got a bad rep. People are always going to look at it negatively. Degrading. You know?"
"Okay."
"But Jen is Jen. She does what she does because she likes it. Not because someone's exploiting her. You need to get your head out of your bum when it comes to this kind of attitude."
"Fair."
"I'm not into it. So no. I don't cam. I mean; I support her out of solidarity, sisterhood I guess; she's my best friend, and sometimes her waffle about making yourself feel good on your own terms makes sense."
He waited for her to go on.
"I wouldn't dream of asking her to change, and nor should you."
He nodded. "I guess I owe her an apology for the way I reacted."
"Yeah you do. As for me..."
"You don't have to-"
"No, let me finish while I still can. I've told you I've got some insecurities." She lit another cigarette. "I really like you, Steve, and I want to share everything. How I feel, my body, but I'm worried if I open up too much I'll say or do the wrong thing and scare you away." She wasn't going to cry, no way.
"You won't. I want to know everything."
"Everything. Wow, okay. No pressure then."
They both snorted and she paused for a beat, staring at a spot on the table, trying to find courage in a grain of wood.
"My name is Adrienne, but my friends call me Ade, and I let them even though it's masculine. I'm 20. I like cats, 90s music, dancing like a twat, and my toast cut into triangles. I love retro video games, chilli hummus, and musicals. I want to go to Japan someday, and I think Tom Hiddleston is the sexist man alive. I take drugs to feel good sometimes, I smoke too much, I'm lazy, I'm trans, and I hate the idea of you not being in my life."
He looked at her with the goofiest expression. This was going well.
"You know I take hormones, right? Well they make sex... difficult. That's something I'm coming to terms with. I want more than anything to be railed by you about a thousand times a day, but I need you to be patient with me for a little bit longer, while I figure out how I work."
He took a sharp intake of breath and opened his tin to take out another cigarette, changing his mind and closing it again, before spinning it around nervously.
Ade passed him her half-finished filtered Silk Cut to smoke. "That's it. That's all there is. That's me in a peanut shell."
He smiled. "That doesn't sound too bad actually. Not sure about the hummus though."
"Take me as I am, Babe. Hummus or nothing."
He held her hand and squeezed affectionately. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. I can accept that."
She let out the breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. "Will you come back to the caravan? Stay the rest of the weekend? Decide double quick because I really have to pee."
o -- o -- o -- o -- o
Back at the berth, Jen was sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her arms.
"Please don't shake the house anymore, darlings, my poor hangover can't take it."
She kissed the top of Jen's head, making her groan pathetically: "Don't look at me, I'm hideous."
Ade scoffed: "Drama queen," and made to fix up cereal, toast and tea while Steve sat down at the table sheepishly.
He and Jen touched hands, last night's fuss hopefully water under the bridge.
They managed to get Jen to take a few nibbles of toast, and the tea seemed to bring her back to life somewhat.
She perked up at a mention of the beach. "I did promise to show you the place in the daytime, so why don't we all head down there in a bit and just relax until we're lobster pink."
"Best idea you've had yet," Ade said, and Steve agreed.
Jen got up to find her toiletry bag and paused on the verge of the bedroom: "I'm glad you're here, Steve. We'll talk more about camming later if you want, but for now I'm just happy you decided to stay."
After breakfast, Adrienne and Jen headed down to the showers, and after ten minutes under the warm water began feeling like functioning human beings again. Ade came out of the cubicle wearing her bikini, and decided on a sarong around her waist for modesty's sake until she could scope out the beach. She was towel drying her hair when Jen emerged. She was still sporting her buzz cut, and rocking an amazing lavender number with rainbow edgings.
"Wow, Jen, you are a vision."
Her friend did a twirl. "You're not so bad yourself, love. What do you say we go and show that boy of yours what he's been missing?"
They left the showers arm in arm, stepping out into the bright morning sun. It looked like it was going to be a great weekend.