"Insomnia"
Professionally, people may know me as Rick Michaels, a freelance journalist and author. The suave and aristocratic looking gentleman, who is sleeping in the comfortable bed I'm looking at from my bed space on the floor, is Brian Carter. Some may remember him as a former male model; he is now a successful attorney. He has been part of my life for the past twenty years, beginning as my boyfriend, quickly becoming my husband, and becoming my Master a little over five years ago.
To be honest, I've got insomnia tonight because I'm stuck on the plot development in the middle of my latest book in the Ted Elliott: Doctor Detective series. The series is based on my Grandpa Elliott's life. He became a father figure to me after my dad died during the Vietnam War when I was only six months old.
I haven't had writer's block or insomnia in a long time. I'm watching my Master as he's sleeping so soundly in the hopes that I can follow his example soon. At one time I would have gotten up and gone into our home office to work on this, but this is something Master and I have evidently overlooked in my duties to him. Do I have permission to leave my slave bed and spend time away from him? I am allowed to get up in the night to use the slave bathroom down the hall if needed, but this is different. What if he should get up and needs something, and I am not there to take care of his needs? I am just not willing to take the risk so that Master would have to punish me again tonight.
Earlier this evening, I received a severe spanking with Master's, flogger, paddle, riding crop, hands, and belt because I overlooked my duties and forgot to take his tuxedo to the dry cleaners as he told me to do before he left for work. He will be attending a gubernatorial fund- raiser in a week and wants it dry-cleaned. I know my punishment was justified, and at the same time I feel so guilty and ashamed because I disappointed him.
After the spanking, my punishment continued with corner time. I stood in the corner of Master's bedroom for almost four hours, while he went out to dinner with Mark, a potential bottom. My butt is extremely red, blistered, and hurts so much tonight, that sitting down would be another punishment. Rather than facing the possibility for further discipline, I will remain in my sleeping area and try to mentally work out my writing problem.
While I look up and watch him sleep, I am in constant awe of how handsome he really is. His brownish- blonde hair and blue eyes are part of a chiseled face embedded with an angelic smile and the most beautiful dimples. His bedroom eyes and pouting lips seduce both men and women, who will often stare at him, for he is the chosen recipient who has been either blessed or cursed to have been born with such impeccable beauty. I think of how many men and women I've noticed over the years that have taken double looks at him and probably began fantasizing about him only moments later.
And, twenty years ago, he chose to spend his life with me; how did I earn this blessing? I look at his handsome face, which for the last few months has been covered with his first beard. He is so proud of this but says he will probably shave it off in a few weeks. I am always amazed that whatever makeover he may choose to do, it only adds to his untarnished good looks.
His chest is covered with just the right amount of hair-not too hairy and not too sparse. That beautiful chest was shaved during his brief modeling career. His muscled legs and arms were developed very young from doing chores on a family ranch and are now maintained from playing tennis, racquetball, and occasionally jogging. His stomach and abs are firm and flat, a result of proper diet and exercise. Even his feet are muscled with the most sensual looking toes. Models feet are not always shown in ads, but his feet are so perfect, swimsuit ads usually pictured them. His warm, loving smile, and perfect teeth add to his already god-like persona.
His athletic looking body is well toned, and everything is in proportion to his 6'1" and 205 pounds of masculinity. Even in height, he is superior to me in towering over my 5'9" and 155 pounds body. If reincarnation does exist, he must have been the model for Michelangelo's David because both his looks and his physique are flawless.
Attached to this perfect body, people quickly discover a kind, loving, and generous man. People taking double looks at him may be amazed that besides his Hollywood good looks is a brilliant mind, who through a college scholarship, earned a BA and MBA in finance. Modeling swimsuits and underwear professionally, provided temporary worldwide fame and also tuition money for him to finish law school. I look at him all the time and sometimes still cannot imagine what he ever saw in me.
Watching him sleep is something I like to do when I have trouble falling asleep. Sometimes I miss being able to sleep next to him with my head resting on his chest. Reality then returns and reminds me how delighted I am to spend the rest of my life in servitude to him. He has rewarded me with the honor of being his slave. How am I so fortunate to have received this privilege? My happiness in life now comes from serving him and taking care of both his personal and sexual needs.
I want to announce this to the world; I am a slave. I am Master Brian Clark's slave, and I'm proud of this! But, we have always led a simple and a quiet life, so the world will never know this. The hardest thing I must now accept is the fact that my Master now openly sleeps with other men.
Soon after we met, we had our private commitment ceremony. Shortly after saying our, I do's, I suspected he was still sleeping with other men. It was just a gut feeling I had. Spouses, whether they are gay or straight, just know when this is happening. I then realized that his heart and love filled my body, and I was willing to overlook this one fault of his for the beautiful and loving life we shared together.
Now he does not have to hide the fact he will be spending the night with another man. This is his privilege; he is the Master; he owes me no explanations. The hardest thing to see is when he and his fuck for the night walk into his bedroom, and he shuts the door while I spend the night on the floor in the guestroom. On many of these nights, I have cried myself to sleep. This is hard to witness, but it is now my reality.
When Master returned home tonight and gave me permission to leave corner time, I immediately kneeled and lowered my head to his feet. He sat on the bed and soon gave me permission to lift up my head and look at him. He expressed his disappointment in my actions and explained how he hoped I learned from my mistake. He also told me that after meeting Mark, he had decided that the two of them lacked the compatibility in Mark becoming another one of his bottoms. Secretly, I was so excited over this, but I told Master how sorry I was that this potential relationship didn't work out.
Now looking at my Master sleeping so soundly, I am suddenly realizing something I never thought of before. Whenever he speaks of Randy, Dave, Craig, Mark, or others he has slept with or wants to sleep with, he always says, "I want to fuck him," or "I love to fuck him." He never says, " I want to make love." He always says, " I want to fuck..." He does fuck them, and then they leave home, his home. And I stay. THEY LEAVE. I DON'T.
Sometimes after his fuck for the night leaves, he goes off by himself for a while. Maybe, just maybe, he still has feelings for me as a husband. Maybe he is experiencing a little guilt. I may have finally discovered his secret. He still has feelings towards me as both a husband and as my Master.
Wow! My shoulders suddenly feel a whole lot lighter than they have felt in a long time. Master must secretly still be in love with me, as I am still and will always be in love with him. He loves me. He is still in love with me; even though, I am now his slave. All of a sudden Master woke up and noticed I was staring at him.
"Slave, is something wrong that you're not sleeping? Crawl over here."
Moving from the foot of his bed, I now crawl to the side of the bed and lower my head to the ground in my Submit position. Master looking down at me then tells me to lift up my head so he can see my face.
He starts to pat my head like he pats the heads of the dogs. He then asks me, "What's wrong Slave; did you have trouble sleeping because I had to punish you?"
"Yes Master, I'm sorry I let you down. And, I am also having writers block in trying to work out the events in this new novel."
"Slave, as I told you earlier, now that you realize your mistake and have been punished, you are now at a clean slate. Make sure you don't mess up again, or Master will have to punish you more severely next time. Now, regarding your writers' block, you haven't had this in years. What's wrong?"
"Master, I think I need to start rewriting the story and take it down a different route, but I'm not sure what to do."
"You're the writer here, and as your Master and husband, I'm your biggest fan. Maybe you just need to take a break from it for a few days."
Showing his concern, I take another look at Master's face, and the look of concern he has makes me fall in love with him even more, if that's possible. Yes, I was right; he still loves me.
"There's the smile on your face that I love to see. Slave, you now have a glow about you, and it's nice to see. You haven't had that glow in some time, and your Master is glad that our talk has helped you to get that glow back."
Looking in his eyes, I can see his love, and it's his love for me. I tell him, "Thank you for caring so much for me."
He then tells me to remain kneeling, and he gets out of his bed. He bends down and lifts me partially up to him. He gives me a hug and a kiss on the lips. My heart is now racing faster than a NASCAR driver because I got a kiss on the lips. Master rarely does this, but he just kissed me on the lips.
He then tells me, "Kneel." Still giddy over his kiss, I kneel proudly. He then adds, "Slave, as you know, I used some of the proceeds from your last book and bought myself the fishing cabin we both liked. I think it's time we spend a weekend at my cabin."
Looking at Master, I ask, "Do you mean leaving in the morning?"
"Yes, I do. We can leave early in the morning; maybe this may give you the break you need to get over your writers block. In the morning you can pack your slave van. Let's get away from the city for the weekend, do some fishing, and get some fresh air and sunshine."
"Thank you Master; that sounds like a lot of fun."
"It will be a lot of fun. Now for keeping your Master up this late, get your slave ass on the floor, put my two big toes in your worthless slave mouth, and suck on them.
I lift his feet up to my mouth, and he rams his toes down my throat. They taste delicious.
"And by the way slave, my camp also has a bondage table set up. You have another payment due on your lifetime loan for my sex toys, and I will expect a payment this weekend. Now, get busy and suck my toes "