Part 5 True feeling deep down inside
Beach was definitely a good place to have fun. Once, we arrived, our mums jumped into the sea. Dad suggested we rent a boat and went diving. Dan's eyes sparked and surly he loved the idea. I told Dad that I would stay and take care of Tommy. Dad agreed, he knew very well that I was not a good swimmer. Dan seemed don't like my idea. When Uncle Rich and Dad went to the boat registry, he questioned me,
"You sure don't want to join us? Tommy will be fine on his own."
"Yeah! I am not into diving." I said.
"Look...may be I stay with you then, I don't want to leave you alone"
"Oh dear, I am not alone, Tommy will be my company." I bent and ruffled Tommy's hair. The kid looked up and gave me his innocent smile.
"See!" I raised my eyebrows. "Go with dad and have fun."
There were still uncertainty and doubts on Dan's face and obviously he didn't buy the idea that I enjoyed staying with Tommy, which was not true.
"Okay! Before I go, shall I get you something to eat or drink."
Geez, my boyfriend felt guilty leaving me behind and he was now trying to make me up. What a silly thought it was! Even though it was not necessary, to make feel better, I made my request, "What about an ice- cream for Tommy?"
"Ok! What about you?" he asked.
"Hm..." I was trying to tease him, testing how patient he could be.
"Come on Jim, I get to do something for you."
"Well! Find me something under the sea."
"K! Like what? Oyster?" We both laughed.
"Anything you think it's suitable."
He nodded then he leaned forward. I was not sure was he trying to kiss me in the public but anyway, we very interrupted by dad.
"Hey Dan, we get a boat, let's go." Dad shouted somewhere far away.
Dan waved, turned back and said, "I will be right back."
"Have fun." I smiled.
Dan patted my butt, grasped his stuff and gone.
Phew!!! I saw Dan run until he was out of my sight. He probably would not return until sunset. Then I felt a small hand gently pull my shorts, its Tommy. I kneeled and asked, "Do you want to swim, sun-bath or we can go to the store over there and get something to eat."
"Sand castle" Tommy whispered and rubbed his nose.
"Ok my little one, sand castle." I took his small hand, didn't want him to rub his nose and we headed back to the car to get his tools.
I was sitting on the beach with my legs opened wide. Tommy was sitting in front of me, between my legs and occasionally he will lean against my stomach. He tried very hard to make his ideal sand castle, which I felt like a pyramid.
I was a bit bored. I grasped a grain of sand and let it slipped through my fingers. It felt like silk fabric running through my fingers. I repeated doing that meanwhile I was lost into my thoughts. I knew that I was good to read thru one's mind, when I spoke with someone, I look straight into their eyes and the eye contact would let me know how one thought about me. Probably it's an innate ability and the ability helped me to survive, to get out of trouble and to avoid being hurt. However, it seemed that I lost my ability when I was with Dan. I was not able to tell his thought, did I do something bad that he didn't like. Was I passed to be his love? I didn't know. Honestly, I was a bit anxious and insecure as I had to show him the real me, and I wondered was the REAL me met his expectation.
You may be confused. Okay! Let me make it concrete and crystal clear. Last night, when Dan confessed, I didn't tell him I loved him, I was even too shy to say I was very much fond of him. Did I make him disappointed? I DIDN"T know. This morning, when he touched me, I didn't return the favor. Did he recognize? Sure he did. Did he ask? No, he didn't. Did I upset him? I DIDN'T know.
Deep down inside, I knew my feeling was more than fond of, especially I found we have a lot in common. The problem was that I was not willing to open up my heart. I was afraid that once I confessed, he would love me less. He would no longer treat me like how he treated me now.... But WAIT! If I don't try, I wouldn't find out. Give him a chance... Well! Or give MYSELF a chance. Told him... okay! If you couldn't say the three words, at least did something to show him.
My thought was stopped by a loud, sad cry. "Oh MY!... honey, what's wrong?" Tommy was crying hard, he was slurring something I couldn't understand. There was a little girl wearing her baby bikini stood nearby. She walked towards us, picked up her ball and gave it to Tommy meanwhile I saw a half collapsed Pyramid. Now I knew what's going wrong? Kids did have their ways to draw the peers' attention. But my silly little one was still crying hard, rubbing his eyes and let an adorable cute girl waited. I took her ball and said, "I will give it to him." Then the girl walked away.
I held Tommy into my arms, patted his back and swung him until he calmed down. "Feel better now?" I asked but he didn't answer. Then I took his left hand, open his palm and started blowing bubbles on it. He giggled, tossed then laughed. Making sure his sadness faded away, I let him go, passed him the ball and told him to return it. Very much out of my expectation, the kid didn't protest. In fact he came back in a minute and asked,
"Jim! She asked me to play with..."
"Who's she?" It's a familiar man's voice. It's my man. I looked up and saw Dan standing behind.
"You are wet." I said.
"Yeah! Don't you have fun with the kid." He asked.
"Yes and you still owe him an ice-cream."
"Here's what I owe you." Dan was holding something balled up in his fist and stood in front of me.
I was very excited that my eyes sparked, I jumped up and eagerly waiting him to open his palm.
"The first surprise babe." He whispered into my ear and opened his palm.
"Oh my god!" I shouted. Dan immediately covered my mouth, afraid that we might disturb the others. It was a crystal key chain with my name on it. Of course he didn't pick him from the sea but knowing that he prepared a gift for me before the trip was touching. "I bought it when I knew we will travel together. Like it?" He asked.
I couldn't say anything, I was trying hard to hold back the tears, my breath became unsteady. I turned my back on him, wishing that he wouldn't see my reaction.
"Well... I take it as yes." Dan said.
He was such a nice person. His understanding urged my guts. I uttered,
"I...I...Lo..ve...it, ...thx babe." I blushed quite red. Couldn't you believe I just called him babe?!
No longer, Uncle Rich and Dad returned, then the toasted mums and Tommy was the last one. When we were on our way back home, half of us fell asleep, included Dan but I was wide awoke, admiring my key chain.
I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it.
Criticism , comments and suggestions are welcome. Please send to _lapis1@excite.com , plus a title: From hate to love
Thank you for those who sent me emails. I cherish all your comments.
I am too lazy to make a mind map, sometimes ideas pop up and I will be lost.
See you,
Steve