This work contains elements of sexuality between teenagers and includes homosexuality in prevalence. Please exercise proper discretion. Do not read this if it is illegal for you to do so or if the subject matter will potentially offend you. The author assumes no responsibility for misuse or misconduct associated with the dissemination or viewing of this work. Any characters, representations or events should be assumed to be purely fictional with any possible resemblance to the real world being entirely coincidental or otherwise such that it may be treated as innocuous. This work is copyrighted by the author, who retains all rights and priviledges. This work should not be reproduced without the written consent of the author. Please direct all feedback and comments to kanseiji@hotmail.com. Thanks for reading.
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"From Where I Stand" by Kanseiji
Chapter One - Breaking the Ice
"Chris!! We're gonna be late if you don't hurry up!" I could hear Justin yelling at me from my room. It was about 7:30 on a Monday morning and I, as usual, wasn't exactly energetic.
"I'll be right out, just gimme a minute!" I turned back to putting on a t-shirt and starting picking up my bag and a notebook. The morning light was just barely starting to come in through the windows. "God I hate mornings," I thought to myself as I double checked my hair in the mirror. The messed up mass of gelled short black hair stared back at me, along with what I thought was a pretty average Chinese face complete with glasses. My mom insisted that I was very handsome, but I didn't really buy it. I didn't exactly have people screaming and lighting themselves on fire when they saw me, but I did wish I was a bit more striking. I was turning around to head out the door and BAM! I was flat on the floor with the rest of the contents of my bag.
"God...Justin don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Heh, it's your fault for being slow," he said as he crouched down to help me gather the ruins of my schoolwork.
"I'm not slow, I just work at my own pace."
"Your pace is gonna make us late...again." Unlike me, Justin was an early riser and even though the sun wasn't even up, he was completely awake and alert. I was and still am a complete night owl, and though Justin staid up almost as late as I did, he'd still be up and at `em at 7am.
"Alright, alright. Let's get going. My fucking back is gonna hurt all day now."
"Wow you're already whining and we're not even out of your door yet. Besides, you ran into me."
"I am not whining and I have every right to seeing as how I just ran into a fucking brick wall."
"You're just jealous you're not an Adonis like me." With that Justin proceeded to strike a pose reminiscent of a Greek sculpture as we headed out my door. He was definitely close enough to be mistaken for one of those statues. He was taller than me at about 6', where I was lucky if I hit 5'8". Justin was definitely athletic and had the nice, filled out and defined body to show for it, even at 17. Mixed with the dirty blond hair, blue eyes and sculpted features, he was a god.
Seriously, I love Justin to death and I can't imagine my life without him, but every once in a while when he gets a bit too full of himself, I get an incredible urge to hit him...so I did. Still consumed in his pose, I turned around and punched him in the stomach...lightly enough to not cause any real damage, but hard enough to make him buckle over and get the wind knocked out of him.
"AGH! You fucking ass," Justin squeezed out while holding his stomach.
"Sorry J, but you really had that coming." It really didn't do any damage at all. It probably hurt me more hitting those steel abs of his, but I just shrugged and continued walking down the street to the subway station. He soon caught up and then suddenly, I felt his arm around my shoulder.
"Alright, maybe I did have that coming, but anyway...I know I promised not to bug you too much about this, but it's the beginning of the school year so now's the time." I cringed internally...and maybe a little externally.
"Come on Justin, not again. For the last time, I do not have any kind of social disorder. I just don't like spending time with most of the people at school." That was an understatement. I'd seen pretty much the same group of people in high school since I started freshman year...the vast majority were idiots in their own way. I could barely stand being in the same building for 7 hours of the day, let alone spend any additional time with them outside of school.
"Look, Chris, dude you really should at least TRY to hang out with some people from school. You pretty much get up, go to school, go to practice, come home, work and go to sleep every day. I could probably count how many people you speak to in a day on one hand and I can't even say not counting me `cause that would bring the count to zero on some days." As much as I wanted to rebut that, he was sorta right. I wasn't antisocial so much as I was picky about whom I spent any amount of time with. Still, I couldn't let him win an argument and let that get to his head.
"Well you should be glad that I even talk to you. It means that you have at least half a brain and don't say like' or wicked' every other word."
"Like, I don't know like what you're talking about. Everyone at school is like, completely wicked, like..." I couldn't even let him finish so I elbowed him in the stomach.
"OW! God is it beat up on Justin day or something??!"
"You should know better than to annoy me this early in the morning before I've had coffee." By that time we were at the subway. Flashing our passes at the attendant as we passed the gates, we proceeded to the platform. School was only 2 stops away, but we were a little behind...I guess that was my fault, but after 2 years of being on time to that school, I was losing my interest in schedules and timing. The train pulled into the station and we took our standard seats at the end of the car.
"Alright, look. I'm not just gonna drop this. You need more of a social life."
"Why?"
"Because frankly you need some practice interacting with humans. And besides, it may actually perk you up a bit. See socializing is usually fun and relaxing, which you definitely need. God you're wound up more than most of my dad's business partners." I was starting to get a little annoyed at all of this.
"Justin, seriously, stop. I'm not gonna have fun or be relaxed if `socializing' is just shoved down my throat ok. Besides, with any luck, I'll never see most of these people again in 2 years." I was really looking forward to graduating high school and going to college. At the time I was still clinging to a bit of an ideal vision of college...the place where I got to study what I wanted, associate with who I wanted and didn't have to deal with the petty drama and social expectations associated with high school. Also the fact that for 7 hours of the day, my life was ruled by a bell that rang a couple times an hour was starting to wear on me. "Oh yeah, and are you saying you're not human?"
"Of course. I'm a god. I never said you had problems with associating with the divine. DON'T HIT ME!" Justin half ducked and covered. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head at him. Truth be told, I was usually the one who would always hit him...in a friendly way of course...but Justin really never laid a hand on me period. Justin had been my best friend since we were 6 years old. My family moved onto the street and he happened to live across the way. Our families met and we became fast friends. The proximity was great and soon enough we were practically inseparable. In a short time we had free reign in each other's respective homes and our families got very accustomed to us being together. Sometimes we'd have spurts of upwards of a week where Justin would stay at my house or I would stay at his. Since it wasn't far to go, our families hardly concerned themselves with it at all.
Unfortunately, my family life wasn't exactly ideal. My older brother and I got along well enough and I loved my mom, despite her being a bit on the overbearing and overprotective side, but my father was another story. Abusive was the simple way of putting it. Justin knew about it early on...especially when I would show up at his house crying and bearing bruises. Thankfully my mom divorced him and after a lot of struggling and fighting, he was completely out of our lives. Still, things lingered from that. Justin had become very protective of me over the years and would quite literally enraged if anyone ever laid a hand on me. He himself never hit me even in a friendly or playful manner. I think he was always afraid that he might traumatize me or bring out a bad memory or something. I told him numerous times that there was nothing to worry about and that I could take care of myself, but his protective nature never ceased. In many ways I was very glad for it. It's a good feeling always having someone at your back and making sure you're ok.
"Look, if it makes you get off my back on this, I will ATTEMPT to socialize with some of the fucktards at school, ok?"
"Ok. But you better make an effort. I'll know if you didn't and you can't escape me. Muahaha!" The evil laughter prompted another roll of my eyes. We pulled into the station near school and got off the train. We didn't exchange too many words on the walk to the school. As usual, my mind started wandering and I started to think about what Justin was saying. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much to try and hang out with a few more people. I was perfectly fine with Justin being my entire social life in high school, but he obviously thought I should branch out more...and honestly there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him.
"What's on your mind Ace?" Justin's question shook me from my thoughts. I looked a bit bewildered for a second and then smiled as the words reached my brain. I couldn't even remember what the reason was, but one day when we were younger Justin started calling me Ace. It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but it didn't matter. I would have responded to dumbass if he called me by that.
"Ah, nothing. Just thinking if there is anyone I can tolerate long enough at school to get you off my back."
"Heh. Well, why don't you start with your team. Y'know, most people join sports teams to spend time with their friends."
"I play soccer because I like playing soccer. Besides, the team has the collective intelligence of a scrambled egg. Why would I want to spend any time with them?"
"Come on Chris, have you actually talked to anyone of them long enough to know if they even speak English? Well, beyond, PASS IT HERE' or KICK IT'?" Sadly enough, after eliminating those phrases, I don't think I've really heard any firm evidence that any of them spoke English.
"That's not fair, that's what all you say when you're playing."
"That's my point. Try talking to them when you're NOT playing."
"As in not during practice?"
"Oh god, I feel like a miracle worker. GOOD CHRIS, GOOD!" Justin exclaimed while simultaneously nodding his head up and down as he held my hand to his cheek. I gave him another sigh and was a bit sad to take my hand off of his face, but shrugged it off quickly.
"Well, come to think of it, one of the guys on the team always asks if I want to go grab food or something after practice with a few of the other players."
"WHAT?! Why haven't you ever gone?"
"I don't really know them. It'd probably just be awkward anyway."
"Chris...you don't automatically know people, you actually have to meet them and spend some time before that." "Whatever."
"Ok, if this guy asks again today, why don't you just take him up on it? Otherwise you know all you're gonna do is just go home and mope since I won't be around."
"Why won't you be around?"
"I'm meeting up with Katie after school for a while."
"Oh." I guess it came out a bit too sad.
"Aw come on Chris, she is my girlfriend and as much as I love spending time with you, I have certain needs that she is suited to provide," Justin said with a smile and a wink. I think I felt a bit nauseous after hearing that.
"Gah...so didn't need to hear that. Alright, if Jason asks again, I'll go, ok?"
"Oh my god, you know his name??!" He gave me this exasperated look as if he was blown away that I'd even met the guy before.
"Shut up ass, of course I do. You can't really just point and say `HEY YOU' while playing. Besides he's in one of my classes too."
"Wait, Jason...Coleson?"
"Yeah that's him."
"Oh man, why didn't you say so. I know him, he's one of Katie's friends. Dude, go hang out with him, he's cool."
"Heh, well if Katie knows him, then sure why the hell not." I guess I take sarcasm a bit too much to heart sometimes, but I wasn't especially fond of Justin's girlfriend...actually scratch that, I detested her. Not only was she a prude, she was also judgmental and on occasion, just a bitch. Actually a lot of that was probably because she had to half-drag Justin away from me most of the time.
"Come on don't be like that. I know you don't really like Katie and all, but I really wish you two would get along."
"We get along fine...as long as we're not in the same time zone." On top of me not liking her, just absolutely despised me. If we were ever near each other and Justin wasn't around, she'd either not speak to me and give me evil looks or just tell me to lay off Justin and get a life. Justin actually heard her say that once and he went apeshit on her...it was very touching...for me at least. She started crying and they didn't talk for a couple days...which were absolutely blissful for me by the way, but unfortunately Justin was a little less happy about it. They finally made up and Katie actually apologized to me...I think I had a stroke...but I just smiled and took it, which made Justin happy at least. I'm still convinced she's plotting my death, but whatever.
"Haha. Alright, just promise me you'll at least say yes if Jason asks you to go hang out."
Sigh. "Fine."
"That's my Ace. Alright, we better run, I'll see you at lunch, k?"
"Yup, later." Justin ran off to class and I finished grabbing my books from my locker and ran off as well. I managed to slide into the class all of a second ahead of the bell. My teacher Mr. Reynolds gave me a smile as I barely evaded being late.
"Well, nice of you to join us Chris...on time for once."
"Actually twice, I made it on time last Thursday too."
"It's really sad you can remember when you've been on time as opposed to late."
The class got a bit of a laugh out of that one. I was always late...to everything. Timing was definitely not my strong point, but luckily I did very well in just about everything academic, so in general my teachers let it slide. Mr. Reynolds hushed up everyone and started the lesson and I quickly zoned out. Just another boring day...
I was so happy when lunch came around. After 3 hours of boredom, I needed a breather. As I headed into the lunchroom, I spied Justin at the usual table. Unlike me, Justin was a social butterfly. No matter where he was, except when he was with just me actually, he was surrounded by people. Given his personality and his looks, it was no surprise. Justin was one of the nicest people around and just fun to be around. I sat with him and his friends at lunch usually, but I didn't really speak to anyone other than him. Early in high school, Justin hassled me about not saying a word at lunch with everyone there, so by junior year I would at least chime in during the group conversation at least once in a while to let everyone know I was still breathing. Justin never tried to push his friends on me or vice versa. I had remarked once that his friends only acknowledged me because of him, so he always wanted me to branch out and make friends on my own so I wouldn't feel like people were hanging out with me just because of him. Sadly, I wasn't really outgoing enough to pick up any friends on my own. I sat down at the lunch table and while Justin was looking away, received my daily evil look from Katie. I gave her a nice big toothy grin as I sat down next to Justin.
Idle conversations went on for most of lunch. I chimed in once in a while, but mostly I was just lost in my own thoughts. More and more often, I would just sit and think about things that I hadn't experienced...and sadly most of them were about Justin. I had known was gay for a few years, but I had hardly done anything to act on the feelings that seemed ever present in my mind and my heart. I came to terms with the fact that I was in love with Justin a while before, but dealing with it every day was starting to weigh on me. I guess one of the main reasons I didn't have any friends was because I'd only want to spend time with Justin and anyone else was just a distraction. I preferred being alone so I could think about him uninterrupted. Justin had tried to coax me into dating girls on a few occasions, but I was always very uninterested. Oddly enough, unlike most other high school guys, he never said anything on the lines of `what are you gay or something?' when faced with my disinterest in girls. He would always just say that I'd find the right one eventually. He was always too sweet and looking for the optimistic approach with me. I had my share of stealing glances at hot guys that I saw, but I never craved attention from anyone like I did with Justin.
"Hey Chris, when's your next game? We were thinking about going to watch and then maybe hang out or something after." Andy's question broke my thoughts and I was probably staring in bewilderment for a few seconds. Andy was one of Justin's friends and while I saw him practically everyday, I don't think he'd ever just spoke directly to me like that before.
"Um...it's next Thursday at 5 I think. Do you seriously want to come and be bored off your asses for an hour?"
"Ha. Nah, it'll be fun. Besides, we were gonna come cheer you on. We all want to see you attack some forward that's twice your size and get him all worked up again." Aside from school and my obsession with my best friend, playing soccer was something I spent a lot of time on and I even enjoyed it. I wasn't amazing at it, but I was good enough to get by as a midfielder and/or defense on occasion. I did have a nasty habit of knocking the ball out of the grasp of advancing forwards and it often resulted in me either half-slide tackling them or otherwise hitting them such that they fall square on me...and with my 135 pound frame, I was usually crushed. The coach wasn't particularly fond of me and berated me every time I got injured, but I did a good job of keeping the ball away from the goal.
"Heh, well if you mean you want to see me crushed to death, then by all means. I guess my death would be good for one night's entertainment."
"Chris, stop being like that. You're awesome on the field," Justin chimed in as I blushed slightly from the compliment. The conversation died out shortly after as we all headed back to classes. Katie walked a bit ahead of the rest of us to meet up with her friends after kissing Justin. I smiled stupidly as he came up and put his arm around my shoulders as we walked to class. Even though the gesture, lasting as long as it did, may have been construed as outwardly gay, no one really paid any attention. Justin and I were always like that and everyone knew and accepted it. I only had one class with Justin at the end of the day, so we parted ways and I did my best to stay awake the rest of the day.