Time pressed on and the torrent of rain battered headstrong in to the side of the house as I gazed out of my window and down at the empty street. Hours seemed to have passed by without any desire to leave the seat at my computer desk.
The screensaver had long since clicked on and was the only light in my room, I had barely realised that the night had set in.
I sat with my head propped up by one arm, considering what had gone wrong. 24 hours earlier I had shared a kiss with another boy. Actually, another boy is the wrong way of describing him, he wasn't simply another boy, he was so much more.
Somebody who simply thinking about would make my spirits rise and an impossible to control smile always appeared. But tonight proved the downside, such was the control he had gained over my emotions, that one day without him had left me like this.
He was something so much more than just another boy at school.
A gentle knock at my bedroom door was followed by the soft footsteps of my mother, a sound which barely brought me from my daze.
As she switched on a lamp at the side of my bed a sharp anger filled me and I turned and looked straight at her. She sat down on my bed. I knew I had a look filled with unnecessary rage and she looked down at the floor in disappointment. I turned away and moved my mouse so that my computer desktop appeared.
"Matthew, can we talk." She uttered softly.
An acknowledging grunt was all I could muster.
"I'm worried about you Matthew." She continued. "One minute you're bounding around the place like you've just won the lottery and the next..."
I turned to meet her gaze. We sat facing each other for an awkward moment.
"What do you want me to say?" I shot at her.
"I don't know Matthew, I just wish you would talk to me or your dad. It's horrible to see you like this..."
I looked down at the floor and saw opportunities to get off my chest a thousand thoughts and worries, but all I could picture was the face of disappointment that I was convinced my parents would have at my comments. I thought about what she and my dad would say if they were to find out that the only person I had ever kissed was another boy.
A year earlier when we had been on holiday, my dad had said something which I can remember as though he was sat across the table from me now. It was something which stuck with me for years. We had been talking about family and the boys and men that retained our surname. From my dad's three brothers only two girls had been born. Girls who would later lose their names to marriage. Even by that point though, all of the men on my dad's side had reached an age where vasectomies and broken marriages had prevented the chance of further children.
The stark realisation of what he was getting at was summed up when he, perhaps jokingly, pointed out that "All hopes of the family name continuing lie with you."
At the time it was a little bit of a shock, but I had no realisation of the pressure that I would put on myself as a result. I found that the longer I lived with his comment, the more it ground away at me. Recent events had made this statement even more painful to remember. Sat here now, looking at my mother from her only child's eyes, I started to wonder how they would both react to my secret.
"Do you hate me?" I said plainly as I dropped my head to the floor.
"What?" she said, horrified, "What on earth would give you such an idea?"
"For what I've stopped you having." I wanted to mean so much by this, I suppose in a way I wanted her to pick up on my extremely subtle hint and wrench my feelings from my chest. But the reason for saying it, that I knew she would pick up on, was the on-going feeling I had that I thought they both resented me for being the reason for having to start a new life.
"You mean having to move house..." She casually shifted to the nearer side of the bed and placed her hand on my knee. "Don't you think for one second that it's your fault that any of this has happened." She continued sternly. "The school closing wasn't your fault, your dad's job wasn't your fault and whatever keeps making you happy..."
She stopped mid-sentence, I could feel that she was waiting for me to look up at her. After a moment I plucked up the courage to gaze from my welling eyes in to hers.
"Whatever keeps making you happy, keep hold of it. If you don't want to talk to me then I can't help that, but when you're happy, I am too."
"I'm sorry..." I said as I burst in to an uncontrollable flood of tears.
She ghosted her way off the bed and knelt by my side, warmly covering me in her arms. She pulled me in tight and rested her head on mine.
"You have nothing to be sorry about."
I hadn't mentioned John to her or anyone for that matter. I knew she had no way of knowing what had happened.
It was the perfect time to say something, and that night sticks so clearly in my memory. I so much regret not opening up to her there and then. She deserved the truth and I wish I had taken that perfect opportunity. So many times we were alone in the house like this while my dad worked whatever hours he seemed to deem necessary, but so few were the truly intimate moments like this. It would have been perfect.
I have no idea how much time had passed as we sat there silently, the rain continuing to hurtle down as a numb trance engulfed me as if it were all the start of a dream.
"I'd better get that..." she whispered softly in her ear.
I hadn't heard the doorbell ring the first two times, but as she slowly got to her feet I heard it.
Coming to the realisation that we were not the only people in the world, I frantically wiped away the tears with my t-shirt and looked up at her. She put her hand on my shoulder, leant in and kissed me on the top of my head.
As she went to leave my room I breathed a deep breath slowly and closed my eyes.
I turned back and looked at my computer. My morbid daze was washing away and I started to feel part of the world again.
"Matthew..." I heard a unease in my mum's voice as she appeared at my bedroom door again.
I looked round to see her stood with concern covering her.
A gasp fell from my mouth as I saw him make his way in to my room slowly, soaked to the bone, his head slumped, his body screaming with dejection,
"John?" I said, jumping to my feet, almost tripping as my chair flew back and hit the wall.
He moved his head up slightly and I rushed over to him. If my mum had not been stood three feet away I would have pulled him in so closely.
"I'll get you a towel love." My mum said to John as she turned and walked away.
"Are you just going to stand there?" I joyfully sang at him.
He finally raised his head properly and every ounce of delight I had vanished in a heartbeat. The low light from the bedside lamp cast shadows on his face, highlighting his puffed out cheek, a cut lip and a small stream of blood coming from his nose.
"John..." I said as I stepped closer and went to put my hand to his face.
He flinched and took a step back.
"I'm so sorry." He said, trying to keep his composure, he was shaking almost uncontrollably
My mum came bounding back in to the room and put a huge white towel around his shoulders. She took a damp cloth and softly dabbed at his lip and then his cheek. She rubbed at his hair with the towel and then started to rub at his school jumper.
"Mum..." I stopped her in her tracks and she looked round at me.
"Who did this to you?" she prodded at John, ignoring my unsaid desire for us to be left alone.
His head dropped again.
She looked over at me and then back at John. She passed the towel over to me and looked back at him.
"There's a couple of cotton wool balls in the bathroom for your nose and Matthew will give you some dry clothes I'm sure. You let me have that wet stuff when you're ready and I'll put them in the drier. Do you want me to call your parents?" She asked.
"No... please..." John stifled his panicked words.
We both looked at him and he considered our mutual shocked reactions in turn.
"Thank you... For the towel and everything... I'm sorry to bother you so much." He said to my mum.
She looked down at him and smiled gently before turning. She closed the door to my room and looked at me as she left, nodding towards him as she caught my gaze, asking me to take care of him.
As soon as the door closed I rushed closer to him and looked at him. He sniffed softly and stared up at me with watering eyes.
"They took your coat..." He said as his face dropped and the tears burst out. What a pair of sensitive sods, I thought to myself. All we seemed to do together was laugh, kiss and cry. I had to stifle a laugh at the thought that with a face like a battlefield, this would be thing he was worried about.
I put my arms around him and pulled him in closely. "Don't worry about that." I joked. "I think your face is the thing that needs worrying about." Not that he didn't still looked beautiful, his short black hair dripping down on to his cold pale face.
I pulled away from him slowly. "Maybe my mum's right, maybe we should call your mum and dad..."
"No, don't..." Panic filled his voice again.
I thought back to the conversation I had had with Lucy before I had even spoken to John and the reason he never wore a coat.
"Wait... Please don't tell me it was them." I waited for a response. All I got was a quivering lip and his head dropping to the floor. "It WAS them?" I unintentionally shouted at him.
"Not both of them..." he uttered through further stifled tears.
"Oh god..." I said quietly.
John brought himself in to me again and put his head on my shoulder. I put my hand on his back and rested my nose on his head. I kissed his hair and felt him crying more and more. I didn't care about how much of the rain had been passed on to me.
John was stood in front of me in his uniform, but he had not made it to school that day and I couldn't believe that this was the reason for it. I had selfishly pined over him, worried that I had upset him and that he had avoided me for reasons I could not put my finger on. I would have happily substituted the reality for that.
Exhaustion at being freezing cold seemed to be the only thinks that started to help the tears subside. I could feel him calm down on my shoulder, but he started to shiver uncontrollably.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I really do think you need to get out of those clothes." I whispered, his face still pressed against my shoulder.
He looked up at me and smiled and a little giggle appeared behind the tears. He took a step back.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't know where else to go." He said as he pulled his school jumper over his head. Even his shirt underneath was sodden.
"How did you even know where I lived?" I enquired as I moved away and towards my wardrobe.
"I... erm..." He started as I rifled through some clothes to find something that was good enough for him. "I saw you walking here the other day."
I stopped momentarily and looked around at him as he threw his tie on top of his jumper and un-tucked his shirt. I smiled wryly.
"Have you been stalking me?" Funny, I thought, how I could be saying this after how much of a stalker I felt like I had been only weeks earlier.
He looked away but smiled slightly. "No..." he said embarrassed. "But when you left me I just watched where you walked."
I raised an eyebrow at him and grinned. A serious look fell on both our faces as I saw him tentatively unbutton the top two buttons of his pale blue school shirt.
He paused and looked at me.
"Erm...I..." I clambered for words, I was pretty confident that he didn't want to be getting naked in front of me. "Yeah, sorry, let me get you something to wear, do you want to have a look?" I nervously asked.
John sauntered over and looked in to my wardrobe and I took a step back so he could have his pick.
"This is all yours?" He shyly queried.
"What do you mean?"
"No, nothing..." He hesitated. "Are you sure I'm OK borrowing something?"
"Yeah of course you are, take whatever you want."
He seemed to take an age just staring at the trousers and the shirts and t-shirts, almost transfixed. Finally he looked round at me with an unsure look on his face.
I smiled at his uncertainty. "Here, let me get you something." I brushed past him slowly and felt a rush like the first time I had seen him and felt my heart burst in to life. I almost forgot how wet our embrace had also made me.
I picked out a pair of the best blue jeans I had and a nice red t-shirt that I always wore and turned to face him.
He looked down at them and then at my wet chest.
"You're going to need them for yourself thanks to me." He mumbled.
He placed a full palm on my chest and I felt all the air in the room fill my lungs as he left it there. I breathed out deeply as I looked from his hand to his arm, over his wet shirt and up to his face. His eyes were transfixed and he had stopped dead.
I felt I had no control over my body. I felt my hand move up and surround his. I felt myself pull it slowly until it was around the bottom of my back. John's eyes finally moved and peered right in to mine.
His free hand glided from his side and took its place where the first had been. Amongst the chaos of emotion, I felt a familiar swelling in my grey tracksuit trousers. For once it wasn't something I felt I needed to hide.
My body still felt as though someone else was controlling it. I watched as my hand reached up to his chest in exactly the same way that his was on mine. After a moment he took the hand that had been holding on my back and placed it on top of mine. He inched my hand up his chest, stopping just short of the top of the buttons that he had not yet unlocked. He reached up and unbuttoned the first himself, before dropping both his arms to his side.
As naturally as if I was undressing myself, I slowly moved my hand down and started to unbutton the next one, and then the next and then the next. As I finished the task set to me, I peeled his soaking shirt to each side.
I could feel my breathing getting harder and harder.
John took half a step back and slowly peeled his shirt away and threw it behind him. Two bruises lay on his chest and I looked down at them with a horrible sadness. I felt myself moving towards him and gently brushed my thumb over the highest of the bruises.
I looked up at John who hadn't looked so steely faced at me since the day we had first cast eyes upon each other.
He moved himself in towards me and kissed me deeply. We both opened our mouths and caressed each other's tongues. It was like we had done it for a thousand years before.
He put his hands on my back and I put my arms around his shoulders.
I could feel what he had pressing against me and I was sure he could feel mine.
A beautiful age raced by before we pulled away slightly and placed our foreheads on each other's. I looked past his naked chest and to the bulge that his school trousers and underwear were trying to constrain.
I felt as he moved his hands lower down my back until they were caressing the top of the waist of my trousers. His magic fingers felt at it and I pulsed harder than I had ever been. I let out a groan as he moved inside my trousers and on to the top of my buttocks.
He pulled me towards him again and kissed me deeply once more.
I could feel his right hand moving from my backside to my hip and then to the inside of my thigh. He was still outside my underwear but I was shivering with excitement.
He rubbed me gently, catching the side of my area softly as he went. As if a master of it, he used both hands to help my trousers slowly slide away, exposing my bulging tight white boxer-briefs.
As I felt them hit my ankles I couldn't help but freeze on the spot and look down at the floor. He moved his hands and took my t-shirt upwards and I helped him take it off me. I stepped over my trousers and stood in front of him, yearning for him.
I managed to pluck up the courage to take my eyes to his waist and reached over, fumbling as I started unbuckling his belt. It slipped off easily considering my shaking hands and I unbuttoned his trousers and unzipped his fly.
Without any help the heavy wet trousers fell to the floor and his beautiful bulge was now just a small pair of red briefs away from me. The outline was so prominent he barely needed to take them off.
I put my hands behind him and moved them down his back until I was holding on to the most extraordinarily beautiful hills that I had ever felt. My fingers ran up and down the outline of his briefs, before from nowhere I felt John push me backwards and I fell on to my bed.
He stood above me and peered down at my panicked look.
He didn't move.
I sat upright and stared at the marvel before me, feasting my eyes over his face, his tight body and the package that was inches from my face
He leant down and kissed me once more, pulling my head upwards towards his. I reached up and pulled his head as close as I could get it to mine and we slowly fell backwards. I turned so I could lay out flat on my bed and he positioned himself by my side. He lay on his side facing me and we kissed again.
I shuddered as I felt his hand on my chest, I could feel it move down my body and I knew of his intentions. Slowly he inched past my stomach and down to my underwear. Hesitating for the longest second, he finally moved his hand and placed it on top of me. I had to move away from the kiss to catch my breath and moan with pleasure.
He rubbed at it slowly for a second. I could see out of the corner of my eye that he had fixed his gaze to the pulsing that he was causing. He moved his hand upwards slightly, before reaching inside and wrapping his whole hand around me.
He slowly worked at it and my chest arched with pleasure. Rushes of blood and adrenaline were flowing around every part of me and I couldn't focus. I closed my eyes and felt as he moved himself in a position to be able to peel off my boxers. Even the cool rush of air was an intoxicating pleasure.
I came to the unhappy realisation that there was not going to be much more needed for me to reach the peak of excitement and as he reached back and touched it, I could feel every part of me wanting to let go.
"Wait..." I moaned in to his ear.
He stopped for a second and turned to look at me dead in the eye. A mischievous smile filled his face.
"Why?" He whispered in my ear as he grabbed at it and started jerking it softly but rapidly.
I could feel my entire lower body clench and I threw my head back. My balls tightened and my already swollen swelling swelled even more. My chest arched further forward as I felt stream after stream rush out of me. My stomach and chest were covered in seconds and I struggled to catch the small amount of breath I hadn't had taken from me.
The feeling slowly cascaded away and a blinding, numbing ecstasy took its place.
When my senses started to return and I realised that I no longer had the warmth of his touch around me, I opened my eyes to see that John had moved his hand from my dripping pleasure and found him to be touching his own inside his bulging underwear, which I couldn't understand why he was still wearing, and then back up at his face.
"Do it." I whispered to him anxiously.
He moved over until he was led on his back before reaching down and pulling his briefs away from his incredible piece. I felt my own rapidly diminishing swelling pulse again at the sight.
He was incredible. Perfect even.
He pulled at himself furiously while he continued to survey every inch of my milk coated body. I tried to lean over to kiss him but found the mess I had created move as if to roll off on to the bed sheets. John seemed to sense my anxiety and turned on to his side once more and gave me a better opportunity to taste his lips.
I couldn't see all that was happening but could feel him still pulling away, his beautiful head was poised not far above mine, ready to repeat what I had just done. I could hear his breathing increase as he struggled desperately to keep kissing me between his quiet groans. His hips grinded in to mine as if he was dreaming of entering me.
It didn't take long before he could hold it no longer and I felt stream after stream land on top of me. I couldn't help but look down at what was unfolding. I could have sat and watched it all night.
He finished pulsing after a short while before his heavy breathing started to turn to laughter.
"Sorry about that." He whispered softly in my ear, a brazen smile had stormed over his face.
"Like I said to you the other day, you better not be sorry about that."
A reminder that Nifty, this wonderful site, needs donations: http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
Also, a very short note from the author to say thank you to all those that have taken the time to e-mail me about the story.
Any feedback good or bad (though I of course prefer praise :-) ) is gratefully received.
Best wishes
C