For Bob, who strongly suggested I needed a chapter about what happened to Jeff:
Part 7
I awoke the next morning and decided I needed to get out of the house right away. It was only Sunday morning and I had already been fucked three times this weekend, having never been fucked before. I knew my ass was too sore to take it again. Robert had fucked my ass hard, showing off to Joe last night, and I had a belly full of Joe's cum. Joe came a lot, more than Robert ever did, most likely because he's not constantly fucking like Robert, not as satisfied, so his cum was thick, and it almost all went down. I could still taste Joe's cock, and his cum was upsetting my stomach a little.
Again this morning Robert was asleep, door closed like yesterday morning, but unlike yesterday I wasn't going to go through my morning routine at home, giving him a chance to call me in for his morning fuck. To get out of Dodge fast, I was going to skip showering and eat breakfast out. A quick scan of the living room confirmed that Joe didn't spend the night, was not sprawled out on the couch like usual in his underwear, a sexual tease though unaware in his sleep. As I dressed, I noticed that the hickies Robert gave me around my tits had faded, and thus I could go do my swimming workout and get a shower there.
When I finished my swim, I removed my suit and headed to that icon of American repressed homosexuality, the communal shower room. Last time in this locker-room I may have noticed the hickies in the mirror, leaving before heading off to embarrassment on the pool deck, but I didn't notice my butt. It's harder to notice your butt. I had examined it after each fuck, but only to tend to my open and cum-leaking hole. I never noticed that Robert's spanking slaps on my ass had done more than temporarily reddened it, and I walked into the communal shower room with broken blood vessels on my butt cheeks, outlining areas of the hand slaps. I couldn't understand why I was getting stares and started getting uncomfortable. I hurriedly finished and went to get dressed.
"So you like getting spanked? Is it you or your girl who's into kinky?" came from out of the blue.
My jaw just dropped in embarrassed surprise. I was relieved that his hetero assumptions indicated he wasn't coming on to me, but I was intimidated by the fact he was teasing me, an American-style, locker-room taunting from middle school days gone by. I quickly wrapped a towel around myself and went into the bathroom to the sounds of his continued laughing. I couldn't believe what I saw in the mirror! When the coast was clear, I quickly dressed and left.
I was hungry for breakfast and headed to the Denny's, passing The Bullfrog along the way. My thoughts strayed to Robert's boast about fucking Jeff there, "How can a guy fuck someone in a bathroom, in any public place?" As if my thought put him there, I saw Jeff across the street. I didn't want to deal with him, quickly ducking into the Denny's, but he was already crossing the street. I was being seated when he came in the door, finding my table.
"Brian, can I join you?" he asked.
"Sure, take a seat." I replied, reluctance noticeable in my voice.
"Can we take a more private table in back?" he asked.
"I guess so." I said. I was a little irritated by the move but managed to hide it.
"How are you doing?" he asked, feigning interest. I could tell he had an agenda. I tried to divert it.
"Good. I'm planning to audition for a symphony. Gonna practice today," I said.
"Oh, that's right. Flute, right?" he asked, again feigning interest.
"Yeah ..." I replied, but he quickly changed course.
"Brian, can I ask you something?" he asked, and with my affirming nod, he continued, "Did Robert fuck you?"
"You boys interested in some coffee?" the waitress asked. Jesus Christ, what timing. She couldn't have NOT heard that.
"No," I quickly replied, "I mean yes, I would like some coffee. Jeff?"
"Yes, ma'am," he replied. At least now he was temporarily derailed.
When she left, I reaffirmed my "no" to Jeff to the subject at hand.
Jeez, I thought to myself, did Robert, or perhaps now Joe already, alert the media or something? My thought was a little bit confirmed.
"Robert said he did...," Jeff stated.
"To who? To you? Just you?" I asked interrupting, my irritation audible.
"Who else?" he asked back.
"That's what I want to know." I then inverted his question. "Did he tell the group, did you hear it directly, or did you hear it through the grapevine?"
"To me. What group? Why are you paranoid?" Jeff asked.
"Jeff, I know you and Joe joined the group at The Bullfrog Friday night..." I replied, and to return fire a little, "...and I know what happened to you."
Stunned silent, he paused a bit, then said, "Well, that's what I want to talk to you about."
The coffee arrived, followed by the ordering banter. I hadn't even looked at the menu, but selected something fast, wanting it over with.
"Well, I guess it's my turn to ask. How did you find out? Who did he tell?" Jeff asked.
"Robert told me. Actually he told Joe with me in earshot. We were both very surprised." I replied.
"Jeez, what was he telling Joe for? God damnit!" Jeff added.
"Robert's into conquest, bottomline. And he loves nothing more than to boast about it." I said.
"Well, that's even more what I want to talk to you about. How did it happen to you ...," he asked. When I wasn't getting his drift, "Let me ask it this way: did you WANT to get fucked."
"Jeff, come on. Aren't you getting a little personal. How about I ask what enquiring minds want to know. Did YOU want it? I mean, how the fuck can you get fucked in a bathroom in a bar?" I asked.
He was stunned silent, and I could tell I hurt him, "Jeff, I'm sorry." He started to cry. I tried to console him by answering his question. "You know, I don't really know. Yeah, I wanted to get fucked, I guess. Maybe not the way he did it. Or maybe I did."
"What was the way he did it?" Jeff asked.
"Jeff, jeez." When I saw him starting to tear up again, I answered, "Look, I've always thought Robert was an immature asshole, but he excites the hell out me sexually. I've struggled my whole life trying not to admit to such attractions. But he broke me down, made me admit it to myself, then fucked me to the point that I ...," I hesitated, "I guess I'm actually thankful."
"So you enjoyed it then?" Jeff asked.
"Jeff?!" I looked incredulous again.
"I'm not asking for titillation, I just need to know if you wanted it or if he forced you." Jeff clarified.
"Look, you can tell by my responses that I'm on the fence about it.
He's very dominant and manipulative at the same time. And I've already told you I think he's an asshole. But by the time it happened, he had me asking for it." I said.
"How? I mean how did he manipulate the situation?" Jeff asked.
"Well, it started with me giving him a blowjob after he caught me with gay porn. So he knew I had tendencies. Do you have tendencies?" I asked, honestly curious.
"No." he said.
"Jeff, how can a guy without tendencies give another guy a blowjob, even if it's `just a friend helping a friend,' as Robert claims isn't gay?" I asked rhetorically. "Are you sure you're not denying some true desires?"
"No, I mean I'm sure ..." Jeff responded, but I cut him off.
"Jeff. Joe and I were surprised as hell that Robert fucked you, especially at The Bullfrog. We pressed him on it, you know, asking him the hows and whys. So I'm going to tell you what he said. He said you started getting all faggy when you were sucking his cock. In other words, that you were getting into it ..."
"That's a lie!" Jeff said interrupting, but I continued.
"You remember him saying how he can tell the difference between a friend helping a friend and a faggot? A faggot gets into it and is willing to take it up the ass?" I asked.
"Yeah ..." he said, but again I kept going.
"I get HIS distinction between a friend and a faggot, it's not gay unless you take it up the ass?' I don't agree with it, but I get it. To be honest though, I don't get how you ... I mean a friend, can give another friend a blowjob unless you're into it' and you can't be `into it' unless you've got some gay tendencies."
"I wasn't `getting into it' contrary to what Robert said," Jeff responded.
"Jeff, be honest with yourself. How can you be on the end of someone's cock and not be `into it' ... unless you're being raped." I said.
"That's what I'm getting at!" Jeff said. I was silent awhile.
"... I see. You think it was rape." I acknowledged.
"It WAS rape." Jeff said.
"Friday? What about the other blowjobs you gave him earlier. Were they rape?" I asked.
"They weren't blowjobs!" he said offended.
"They weren't?" I asked incredulously.
"No. See when Robert gets horny, he gets dominant, grabs me and shit, you know like wrestling. Now he just asks, tells me he needs me to help him out again. But the first couple of times, he would push my head down to his crotch and unzip, pull my head in and make me smell it, saying, `Come on boy, help me out. Give it a suck.' I was grossed out by the smells, and then he exposes his cock. I was repulsed.
"Jeff, that's kinda how he started with me after he caught me with gay porn. I started with blowjobs too," I said, "With the porn, I couldn't deny that I was at least somewhat interested. He enticed me by telling me he was just offering me what I wanted."
"Well, I was just giving him what HE wanted. They weren't blowjobs. I would lick his cock, especially the underside of his head, maybe shine the tip a little. I didn't suck anything out." Jeff explained, "He could tell I would rather not be doing this, but I didn't mind helping him out."
"Did he cum whenever you were on him?" I asked.
"Yeah, but not in my mouth ... or at least I didn't swallow. I would spit out. He would get a little pissed at that, but he was content to just release on my face and be done with it." Jeff explained.
"Jeff, how can you do that if you'd rather not?" When I didn't get a response, "Jeff, why are you asking me what happened to me? What happened to you Friday? What was different this time?"
"I got fucked, that's what." Jeff replied, "Look, I don't think the blowjob was the rape."
"OK, but that's not what I'm asking. Why did Robert conclude you were into it', a faggot' ready to take it up the ass and not just a `friend'?" I asked. "Give me the details about Friday."
"O.K., do you promise you won't tell anyone?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure, but bear in mind that Robert's already boasted about it to Joe too." I said.
"I mean don't tell anyone the details. O.K., we were sitting at the table. Joe, Paul, and Cindy leave to go to the train..." Jeff started in.
"What about Vicki and Mary?" I asked.
"They had left already ...," he responded.
I interrupted as he tried to start up again, "Let me ask YOU something. Did Robert blab to the whole group that he fucked me?"
"No ..." Jeff answered, then continued, "In fact that's the news he shared with me in private to suggest WE fuck. After the others left, I went to the bathroom. Robert comes in later, and I'm surprised when he gives me the usual Jeff, I need some help with my cock.' I said, here?' I've helped him in some risky places before, outside a few times, but mostly in his room or mine. Never before in a public place. He goes yeah, why not?' I said something about someone coming in and he says that's what stalls are for. He grabs me and pulls me into one of the stalls and makes me sit. He stands in front of me, zips down and pulls down, and lifts my legs off the floor to hide them as if he's pissing standing. He holds my legs like wheel barrow handles the whole time I'm helping him out. He told me I was slurping too loudly, but that's because I had to lean in to get at the underside of his cock while he's leaning forward over my knees. My slurping continued, and he's like, Jeff, are you enjoying yourself?' No, I can't reach your cock.' Just then someone walks in and he shoves his cock in my mouth to shut me up. I'm having to hold his cock in my mouth the whole time, so I'm drooling and getting overwhelmed with his smells cause I had to breathe through my nose. So that all makes the slurping noises louder when he pulls out when the guy finally leaves, then another comes in and I'm left with his cock in my mouth again..." Jeff suddenly stopped.
"O.K. boys, here's your food. One `Moons-over-my-Hammy'," the waitress said, setting the plate in front of me, "and one stack of buttermilks," setting the other plate in front of Jeff. I got the sense that she wasn't interested in the conversation she was catching snippets of, wasn't even comfortable serving us as she quickly left.
I resumed the conversation, "So he thinks you're into it because you're drooling?"
"...Well, that, and something came over me. I hate to admit this part, but after all these times sucking his cock, I wanted to swallow it ... And it's like he instantly sensed it. He goes, Jeff, I think you're turning a corner.' I pulled off to deny it, but then put his cock in my mouth again. I don't know what came over me. I don't usually do that. He goes No? ... pussyboy, you're spending a lot of time over the end of my cock.' I said eh hah' with the cock in my mouth, but he goes, yeah, huh. And you're sucking. You don't usually do that!' I didn't notice that as I was tasting his precum, I was sucking for more. I've briefly tasted his cum before, before spitting it out, so I knew what it would be like if I could get some, and I started wanting some. He goes, Jeff, are you a faggot? Do you want my cum? Come on you bitch, suck my cock." I started to pull off to deny it, but he grabbed my head, Come on you little cocksucker.' Then he started fucking my face. He'd never done that before. And before long I had a mouthful. He told me to suck it down, `swallow it you cocksucker,' and I complied because I kinda wanted it anyway..."
"... and had the chance." I interrupted. "So you wanted it," I clarified for him.
He thought a bit about that, and then said, "Yeah, his cum I guess.
But that didn't give him the right to fuck me. I didn't want that."
"Jeff, the time after I first WANTED to swallow, I WANTED to get fucked. I held out against it, but I WANTED to get fucked. And the next time, I WAS fucked. Maybe Robert just rushed you a little?" I asked, "I think you're wanting me to play devil's advocate here?"
"Well, I guess that's why I was asking how it happened to you?" Jeff said, a question in his voice.
"Jeff, just like the blowjob, he made me admit it to myself first. He played one desire off the other. I wanted to give him a blowjob so bad, he made me offer my ass." I said.
"So you didn't want it? ..." Jeff asked.
"I just said I did..." I interrupted.
"Why did he make you trade it then? Did he force you at ALL?" Jeff made his point.
"First, he kind of surprised me, coming home early from work when I was alone at home. At first I thought he was an intruder. He told me what he wanted, and what he thought I wanted. When I tried to deny it, Robert DID say he didn't care what I wanted, that I didn't know what I wanted. I asked if he'd be willing to wear a condom and he said no, that when he fucks, the fucked gets knocked up. When I asked him to use a condom, he knew he had me bagged. That's all kinda a psychological forcing, but he didn't throw me up against a wall or something. Did he use physical force with you?"
"Yes," said Jeff, "He kinda did throw me against the wall of the stall. He's so huge, I kept crying for him to pull out, and he wouldn't," he paused starting to tear, "He kept saying he was Kobe Bryant, that when he starts fucking he doesn't stop, like you said, when he fucks, the fucked gets knocked up. And Kobe raped that chick, I don't care what the press says."
"How did it start?" I asked. Jeff looked uncomfortable so I continued, "You said he used me to get you."
"After I swallowed, he said, You know, Brian discovered this week that he liked to suck cock, then he wanted to get fucked. Do you want to get fucked?' and I said no.' He goes, Are you sure? Once Brian wanted to swallow cum, he said he wanted sperm up his butt.' And I said no' again."
"Well, I never said that, but I'm gonna ask you this for you to ask yourself. WAS there any desire on your part to have his cum up your ass?"
"Well, was there for you?" Jeff countered.
"You know he fucked my roommate Paul, outted him. Once I asked Paul if he thought sex with Robert was risky and if he used condoms. His reply took me back. He said he wanted Robert's cum up his ass, not in a condom, up his ass. It's strange to realize that desire, but I could relate ...You gotta consider this when you ask yourself what signals you were sending Robert. Was there any part of you that wanted cum up your ass?"
Jeff thought long and hard, "...No..."
I pressed a bit, "That sounded a little unsure ... `If you want cum down your throat are you sure you don't want sperm up your butt?'"
More thought, more silence, "...Well yeah, but I don't want to get fucked for it."
I laughed, surprising both of us, "How else are you going to get it there?"
"Look, I don't want to get fucked, o.k.? I don't want to be a faggot." Jeff responded angrily.
"Yeah, but did he play off your desire?" I asked.
"OK, so this is what happened. He told me to swallow his load, and like I said, I did. So then he goes, If you liked that, I've got another load for your butt.' I said, no thanks." So then he brings up you, that you wanted sperm up your butt, so that's two more times when I said no.' He then says, "I think you DO want sperm up your butt.' For the 4th time I say no, and he says, Bullshit. Bend over." I said no' again, that's 5, and that's when he grabbed me. He pulled me up from the seat, spins me around and pushes me against the stall wall. He pulled my t-shirt over my head, and then says, drop em.' I don't know why, but I complied, fumbling with my belt, button and zipper, scared I guess. When I finally pulled my jeans and underwear down to my knees, with his help, he goes, See, if you drop em, you want sperm up your butt. You're both offering and asking.' I said no.' I guess that's 6...Jeez I just realized now. I said no 6 fucking times! His cock was full of sperm and spit, so he rubs it around my hole, Want some of that up your butt?' I didn't answer, he says, I'll take that as a yes,' and he inserted."
I looked at Jeff and thought for awhile. He was considering bringing rape charges. But Robert had used a lot of the same tactics with me. Jeff certainly said `no' more often than I did, yet his thoughts about the events and the way they occurred were very similar to my own. I started questioning myself, "Why does Jeff feel raped, while I'm turned on by Robert's dominance?" Jeff noticed my silence, so I gathered a response.
"As they say, `no means no,'" I said to him in support.
"Exactly, but that's not all." Jeff responded.
"He threw you against the wall?" I asked.
"Well, that too, but that's not all." he said. When he could sense I didn't get it, he continued, "He seemed so fucking angry when he was fucking me, `I don't know how I could have someone on the end of my cock for so long, and not know that he's a faggot!' he goes."
We were both silent awhile. Jeff started to tear up, "...and he's so fucking huge. Robert, stop. Pull out. Take it out' I kept crying." Jeff was now crying audibly, And instead he's feeding me all this Kobe Bryant shit. He knows that hurts me the most. `Cause we play basketball together. That's his dominance, his claim he's better than me. Then he cums and I feel my asshole get all slimey. I knew I was fucked..."
"Here's your bill boys. You can just pay up front when you leave." the waitress said, herself quickly leaving.
I hadn't thought of the sports aspect of all this. Jeff, Robert, and Joe played ball together, watched sports together. And though I assume they all played on the same league team, it's still all competitive, even more-so personally, within the team. Competition these days is all about humiliating the other. That's an angle I didn't have to deal with. I was fit, but enjoyed the sports that were a personal challenge, like swimming. Yeah, you can be on a team, but who gives a shit if the team loses? It's still a personal quest. You can even be on a losing team and still go to State. I wasn't even on a team, didn't watch any sports on T.V., was not part of the national religion. Jeff's next remark let me know he was on that page:
"God, I'm going to have to quit the team," he started crying again as it was a new revelation to him, "How can I possibly face my teammates? They're all gonna know that Robert fucked me."
Six times saying no before the fuck. Pleading with him to pull out during the fuck. Feeling not just dominated, but humiliated afterwards. And Joe's reaction when Robert told us: stunned silence, a question as an accusation that Robert raped Jeff, not letting Robert off the hook, not agreeing that Jeff admitted he wanted it. I could see it was rape. It unsettled me that I didn't see mine that way, but could for his. I had no more questions for Jeff about the incident, rather what was coming next.
"So you're going to press charges?" I asked.
"I already did." He responded.
"You did?" I asked surprised.
"Yes. Robert finishes the fuck and says, "there, now you've got the sperm up your butt you always wanted." He just starts zipping up. I told him he misread me, but he just leaves, calling me a pussy. I turned around and sat down trying to clean up. There was a little blood, which scared me, but mostly I felt sore, like my ass wouldn't close. So after about 10 minutes, I decided I needed to go to the doctor. He examined me and asked what happened...", Jeff trailed off, then started to tear up again, "It was so humiliating to tell him I had been fucked, even if I could call it rape. In fact, in some ways, calling it rape was worse. If you consented, well then you're just fucked like you wanted, but if you're raped, you're questioned why you didn't fight him off. I mean COULDN'T fight him off. Either way, you're a pussy," then after a bit of silence he added, "Why doesn't he just go down to The Sugar Shack and fuck some gay guy?"
"Jeff, rape isn't about sex, it's about power." I responded. I surprised myself with my own revelation. I was dominated, humiliated even, so what made it erotic for me and rape for him? I continued, "Robert doesn't want to fuck gay guys, he wants to fuck straight dudes." When it sunk in a little, I alluded to the subject of eroticism versus rape, "It's erotic for him, but I hate to admit, it's also erotic for me. I can't claim rape."
"Yeah, well I can, and I'm going to. I don't care if everyone's going to know, `cause they're all going to know anyway," Jeff responded.
"But you know why I was playing devil's advocate. You know, with rape, they put the VICTIM on trial." We sat in silence. I finally broke it with the thoughts I was having about myself, "I guess it's a thin line between being dominated, with both turned on by it, and being raped when you're not into it." I decided to console him a little, "When he heard Robert's boast, Joe sorta accused Robert of raping you, and when Robert said you were asking for it, he said that it didn't sound like you agreed to anything."
"Yeah, Joe's a good guy." Jeff responded, pleased.
"I know you've got a problem now measuring up, you know, the team and all that. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're less a man."
"I'm not gay," Jeff said, "I have a girlfriend."
"Jeff, so do I!" I replied.
"You do? Who?" he asked.
"Vicki," I replied incredulously, "you knew that."
"Why do you identify with being gay then?" Jeff asked.
"I don't, but I can admit I have gay tendencies. I guess that means I'm bi." I said.
"Is it bi, or denial?" Jeff asked.
A totally new subject, I didn't feel obliged to answer. After some more silence, "Are you sure you want to go through with it?"
"The doctor said I had to. He sampled and got Robert's DNA ... oh Jeez, I've got Robert's DNA up my butt, his little swimmers ... I gave a statement to the police. It was so humiliating: giving a statement ... being examined ... sampled?"
"The other problem with rape is it's `he said, she said,' ... Sorry, just a phrase." I said, realizing it could be taken as a slight, "Do you have any witnesses?"
"No, but maybe people willing to testify about Robert's character. Maybe I can get Joe. Maybe that's another reason I'm asking if Robert raped you?" Jeff's ending with a question was a request.
"I'm not sure I could do that. Robert plays rough, but I have to admit I wanted to get fucked. I guess that's why I'm telling you to be sure you know the answers to these questions we discussed, for when they cross-examine you."
"Yeah, I know," said Jeff.
With that, he seemed satisfied, at least that he was done with me. I looked at my food, now already cold. Nothing more gross than cold eggs. I guess I could have asked to have them reheated, but I wanted to get out of there. Jeff did too. We were like two horses feeding at a trough in silence, then paid the bill and left.