Greetings Journey fans! Apologise for the huge delay between chapters, but my life had been pretty hectic at the moment and I haven't had much free time. Anyway! Finally! Here it is. It could really use constructive criticisms here, as this is the first time I've ever written anything so intimate. What do you think? I had a few qualms about a little bit of it being too slushy but, at the end of the day, I decided to leave it as I'd written it for the sake of artistic integrity. Let me know if you think it works.
As Usual the address is Condor@thevortex.com
Enjoy!
"Funny how I find myself in love with you If I could buy my reasoning I'd pay to lose One half won't do"
- 'Its My Life' Talk Talk
The next few days were a blurry haze for Gabriel. Most of the time he slept, exhausted from the healing process and the atrophy that had started to wither his body. Sometimes, when he awoke, Zak was curled up next to him. Gabriel had to wonder how many sleepless nights Zak had stayed awake and watched over him, how long he had kept silent vigil. Gabriel had learned that it had been at least 2 weeks since the fire-fight outside the Silk Lace corner club. Two weeks. He could hardly believe so much time had passed. Did it really happen at all?
For the first few days, Zak helped him with most things. He refused to use the catheters any more and so daily sojourns to the toilet were conducted with much swearing and no small embarrassment. Bathing was easier and Gabriel became use to Zak hovering over his naked body while he was in the bath. As the week progressed his limbs became stronger and he was able to move around on his own. Zak was always there, a constant hand to provide support and encouragement in that shy, endearing way that Gabriel found utterly charming and strangely alluring. Yet...yet Gabriel could not help feel that there was a gap between them. A yawning chasm. Zak seemed simply to be going through the motions. It was as if the two of them stood either side of a huge crevasse, their true emotions, thoughts and feelings pouring out of them and running like a river before cascading into the pit below, to be lost in the darkness. Both of them had things to say but neither could bring themselves to say it. It was cancer, eating at both their thoughts and preying into their minds, he was sure. He guessed that Zak still might be hurting from what happened in the club that night. He couldn't really blame him. But in all that had happened since, their own needs and feelings had become submerged in the dual focused tasks of getting him well again.
Well, now he was well. Almost. This apathetic continuation could exist no longer. It needed to be tackled head on. If they had any hope of continuing to live in the same place together, there could be no animosity. Zak had been overjoyed to see him alive, that was true and it was a start. It wasn't enough though.
A week and a half after Gabriel's awakening, both huddled beside a heating unit that had been covered over by the pretence of a fake stone lintel with a mantelpiece. A holographic fire burned merrily in the hearth (the heating unit being hidden behind) which cast a warm orange glow over the two occupants, seated on cushions. They had just finished the latest "Karl Yang" martial arts kung-Fu film on Viddidisc. The Monitor cycled static until Gabriel ordered Maggie to switch it of. She responded by shutting off all the light in the house, prompting a ten-minute hunt to find the system reset switch. In the dark, Gabriel smiled. It was good to be back to normal. Work had heard that he had been injured and had given him a generous 2 extra weeks to recover on sickness pay and wishes of speedy recovery. He had accepted them gleefully.
Dressed in large white bathrobes, each started at the other in the flickering ambience, as if trying to read the others gaze, trying to determine what the other was thinking and how best to proceed. Gabriel could not help but be amazed by the large liquid green eyes that made his heart flutter or the fabulous chestnut hair that cascaded around Zak's face. He was gorgeous in every conceivable way. No wonder men paid to see him dance. As soon as he had thought that he felt guilty and it made his cheeks burn. He had to learn a little mental respect, that much was obvious.
To hide his embarrassment he pretended to cough into his hand, never taking his eyes off the other. Zak smiled the slow smile that made Gabriel's innards melt deliciously. Trying to rally his flailing emotions he coughed again (it was poor ploy to use, but nothing more appropriate made itself available at the time). He could still sense the distance between them, and although Zak hid it well and seemed as friendly and as cordial as ever, Gabriel knew it was there, lurking, like a metal spike driven between them. He knew he had to do something. This had been put off too long and he had to try and bridge the gap before they could truly move on, before they could heal. As long as it wasn't too late. He cleared his throat a third time.
"Zak..." he began, just as Zak began "Gabe..."
They both stopped, aware that they had talked over the other. They laughed. It felt good to laugh along side Zak again, even over something as stupid as this.
"You start" offered Gabriel, grinning.
Zak smiled, "you first, I insist"
This left Gabriel groping. How was he going to phrase it? It was delicate and he didn't want to do more damage. God knows he had already done enough. He swallowed and chewed his top lip. Where to start....
"Uhhhhh. You've...you've never called me Gabe before!"
Hardly inspirational but it would have to do until he could muster his thoughts
Zak shrugged "Just thought I,d try it out. See how it fitted" His sing song voice, soft and lilting made Gabriel ache all over.
Back at square one. Gabriel squirmed. This wasn't exactly going his way. Perhaps he was just beating around the push. He decided to take the plunge with both feet, he could smooth over the consequences later.
"Look. About the...what I mean is...uhhh...about the...about the club..."
He finished lamely. There was a long pause
"Yes"
Gabriel took a deep breath
" I..I wanted to say I was sorry. I mean really sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I...I only followed you because after...you know...after how we met befor I was worried you were in some sort of trouble. I wanted to make sure you'd be OK. That's...That's why I followed you. I wasn't trying to pry into you affairs or be nosy or anything. I...I was just worried for you, I mean...Ummm...Oh Bugger!"
He'd messed it up. Boy had he blown it! This was not how you apologised. He sounded like a VoxComp with a faulty voice unit, stuttering and starting his way through an insincere necessity. How could he have messed up so badly. He felt wretched. He looked up at Zak who was staring at the floor. Silence stretched time.
"Gabriel"
Uh Oh!
"Uh - Huh?"
"Did you enjoy watching me. On the stage?"
Gabriel felt sick to the stomach. The one question he had been dreading, and Zak had asked it. And he dreaded it because there could be only one fair answer. One fundamental truth. It would break Zak, but he wouldn't lie.
"Yes" It came out as nothing more than a whisper.
"Why?"
Gabriel wiped away the moisture that was beading on him. The room suddenly seemed very small and stuffy. Why was Zak asking him these questions. He must know uncomfortable they were. Did he want to torture him? To punish him?
Again "Why?"
"Wellll...I had...I had to get in to the club. I..I knew you'd gone inside and I had to get in to see if you were Ok at least. You know, what are friends for and all that" Gabriel swallowed. It sounded false, even to his ears.
"You haven't answered my questions. And besides, when you knew it was me you couldn't have left but you didn't. So I ask again, why?"
There was no reproach in his voice. Only a matter of factness that surprised Gabriel slightly.
He swallowed again and looked at Zak. It was only fair, he supposed, that Zak wanted to know the answers to his questions. After all it was Gabriel's weakness that had led them to this. Zak deserved the truth, no less. Even if it did sound harsh in his own ears.
"Look" he began "I'm only human. Uhhhhh. And I can't help how I feel and how I react when I see, you know, erotic things. It was a selfish mistake, I know, but I swear it wasn't intentional. I mean, I never really meant to watch you. I had no idea what you were going. It just kind of happened. You know...it got out of control. Here was me searching around for you, trying to make sure you were safe and then...there you were. Naked! I kind of...well...I got caught up in the heat of the moment. If I had know that I was going to upset you so much. If I had known how awful it must have made you feel. Well, I would have left. I'm...sorry."
An awkward pause
"It...It wasn't just that. There's more if you want to hear."
"Really. What do you mean?"
"Seeing you dance up there. Watching you move. I...I couldn't help but feel enthralled. I was touched. I mean, it was amazing. The way you soared. I mean, It was so majestic. I couldn't tear my eyes away. It was like watching...watching one of the acrobats at a circus, just without the safety Gravpak. I....I felt a little jealous as well I guess. You were just so graceful. I...I could never hope to be like you. I never wanted to hurt you. You mean a lot to me Zak"
He hung his head, quite ashamed at what he had just said, yet knowing that he would feel utterly deceitful if he didn't. When he looked up again, Zak was staring at him with mirrored eyes. Gabriel couldn't what he saw there, cool, he thought but he wasn't sure. He was staring right into his being and it made Gabriel feel uncomfortable and a little sick to the stomach.
Zak's voice was low, and slightly husky, musical in baritone sweetness, as he leant closer to Gabriel
"I know you didn't mean to do what you did. And I know you feel guilty about what you've done. But...I want you stop feeling guilty anymore. I was angry for a few moments after I left the stage but only for a couple of minutes. I..I realised that you were just trying to help me. I knew that...I...I kind of liked the idea of you watching me. It made me feel good about myself. Like I wasn't just faceless relief. You cared for me enough to come looking for me..."
Here Zak smiled
"...In below. You must have had some nerve to do that. No one has ever looked out for me before like that. Even if you did watch me, I know that you're only human. We all have drives and urges. I also know that you saved Dwight. He told me everything while you were asleep. That was very brave of you. It made me feel proud to know you. No one has ever made me feel like that before either. Gabriel...There is nothing to forgive. Nothing. But...I don't think you'll accept it if I just tell you that so...For what it's worth, I forgive you. Stop dwelling on the past and look to the future."
He stopped, as if he had suddenly run out of breath. His face glowed.
Gabriel looked deep into those emerald discs, now only a few inches from his face. The urge to kiss Zak was suddenly so strong that he had to grip the carpet in order to stop his own body betraying him. He felt, as always, that to gaze into those eyes was to lose ones self into a void of some unknown force, the likes of which he had never experienced before. His erection ached. He shuffled around to hide it and at the same time break his gaze form that wonderful, sensuous face. He had to gain some control and compose - some shred of discipline so that their conversation would hold a meaning hat wasn't sexual. How would Zak feel, if he knew what Gabriel was thinking about at that moment?
Yet he also felt like a great weight had been lifted from his heart. Zak had forgiven him. It might take a little longer to forgive himself though. Mentally he could see the image in his mind as his and Zak's eyes met after he had finished watching the performance on stage. What passed between them was a deluge that Gabriel could not easily forget. Yet, he had made a start. He was forgiven and it made him feel as if they could continue again. The gap had been bridged and that made Gabriel happy in a strange, euphoric way.
Zak leaned back so that, again, there was a space between them and the spell was broken. He suddenly grinned at Gabriel.
"So, did you like my routine then. And, more importantly, did you like my butt?!"
Gabriel chuckled and tried not to look chagrined at the same time.
"Zak, you routine was out of the world, and as for you butt..." he gestured with his hands, forming two perfect circles in the air. Zak smiled.
"That good? I guess you'd know. After all you have had first hand experience with them!"
Gabriel blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected Zak to say something like that. But then, perhaps there was a lot he didn't know about Zak. He sincerely hoped he would get to find out.
"So, do you....uhhhhhh...Do you by any chance have another place to go? Maybe?"
Zak started at Gabriel for a few moments, making Gabriel feel suddenly feel uncomfortable again. How did he manage to do that?
"You mean, do you want to stay longer?"
Gabriel nodded
Only if you want me to. If you need the space I can get my gear and be....
"No NO! I want you to stay" Gabriel gabbled, suddenly very afraid that this was to be the end. So soon after they had patched up old wounds, Zak seemed on the verge of leaving him again forever.
Zak cast him a slow smile, and Gabriel wondered if he was being teased. It was always difficult to tell with Zak.
He stood up "I need to use the loo..."
"The John!"
"Who's John?"
Zak smiled slightly
"Not who. What. The John is our word for toilet. If you're going to be living with an American you'd better learn some of the lingo."
"John, got it!" Gabriel winked
When he got back, Zak was sitting, staring into the holographic flames. He had a haunted look on his face and seemed to be miles away, as if thinking thoughts that only he could know and decipher. What ever they were, they did not look happy.
"Penny for your thoughts!"
Zak looked up
"What? Oh...Ummmmm. Forget it. It's nothing really. Just..."
"The club?" Gabriel guessed
Zak nodded.
"Do we know what actually happened there? I mean, what on earth were those men trying to do? Was it just wanton destruction or were they after something. Or maybe someone? It just seems completely odd that someone would want to destroy a whole building for no reason. And murder so many people. Perhaps the police will be able to track them down"
Zak shrugged.
"You killed them all remember. The police won't bother if they think that everyone in this little unit is dead. Why waste resources and man power?"
Gabriel stared at his feet. The thoughts of him killing all the people he had came rushing back to him once again. Sometimes he woke up sweating after horrible nightmares in which he was one of the killers on that fateful night, enjoying the carnage and revelling in the screams of the dying. He felt ill just thinking about him. Gabriel was no killer and he did what he had to do. And now it was coming back to claim him.
A hand cupped his chin and lifted it so that he was staring into Zak's face.
"I'm sorry. I spoke before I thought. I know how much you hate thinking about what happened. And I guess me saying that you did the right thing would make no difference. The nightmares can't be helping either."
Gabriel was about to nod, but then he frowned. He had never told Zak he was having nightmares. In fact, he hadn't told anyone. He wanted to keep it quiet because he didn't want anyone to know it was bothering him so much. How did Zak know? He asked.
"Ummmmmm, I hear you when you're asleep. You cry out."
Gabriel nodded. It was reasonable enough, although he could never remember doing so. Yet something still bothered him. The whole thing didn't quite gel together. A flea like niggle was hopping around in the back of his head, and he couldn't quiet put a finger on it to squash it!
To cover this concern he asked
"So, do you have any ideas about why it happened?"
Zak shook his head. "No"
Gabriel mused. Something in the way Zak spoke suggested he was holding back. There was no clue as to what it was, but the abruptness and the skill at which Zak evaded or cut short Gabriel's line of enquiry was fairly obvious, even to the most amateur sleuth. What did Zak know that Gabriel didn't? He pondered pressing him further, then remembered that sticking his nose into other peoples affairs was what got him into trouble in the first place. If Zak ever needed his help, he knew where to ask. Gabriel wasn't the police and it wasn't his business to go questioning his friend.
Gabriel started at Zak in the silence that followed. His whole body ached. He wanted to be with Zak all the time, as if their separating might somehow bring about the end of the world. He had never told him how he really felt. Why? Because he wasn't so sure Zak felt the same. Did he? Gabriel opened his mouth then closed it again. Pushing the matter after closing all the old wounds would simply cause them to open again and that would ruin everything. He and Zak were friends and for that he must be contented. Perhaps in time something more may develop, but until he was sure, that's they way it should be. Gabriel sucked in a deep breath and tried to control his whirling emotions. Slow and steady.
Zak was staring at him again and he suddenly felt hugely embarrassed, as if he had been caught voicing some private, perverted thought. To cover his discomfort he asked. "So, how long did you actually work at the silk lace?"
"About 6 months"
"Starting as a dancer?"
"No. I started out as a drinks waiter. But....I guess Dwight noticed me and I was given a...uhhh...promotion."
"Dwight?"
Zak chuckled.
"You know. The guy that you saved. The ratty looking man. The one who nearly killed you 'cos he thought you'd been beating me up. Him. You haven't forgotten him already have you?"
Now Gabriel knew he was being teased. He made a face and Zak chuckled again.
"Is he gonna be OK? I mean, his club was a bit of a mess. Can he afford to get the damage repaired?"
Zak shrugged.
"I don't know. There was rumour around the club that he was in some serious debt to a crime boss of some sort. Not sure if it's true. I haven't seen him in about a week. Maybe he's fled off world. Who knows."
The conversation lapsed back into silence. Both parties retreated into the flickering holographic haven with their thoughts. For now, no words were necessary. The company of the other was all that was needed.
They sat in silence staring into the coherent animated light for about 10 minutes. Gabriel shuffled next to Zak and put his arm around his shoulder, a friend to be close. Zak sighed slightly and laid his head on Gabriel's shoulder in response. Gabriel thought he was going to explode. Zak's touch always made him fizz with energy and now, here he was again. It was not sexual, yet intimate non the same. How could Gabriel possibly deny his love for this person. With difficulty he was forced to answer, yet love was not a one sided equation. It required two if it was to be truly forfilling and reading Zak was so difficult, he wasn't sure what he felt for him. Maybe nothing at all. Gabriel hardly wanted to admit it, yet he was forced to conclude that that may be one perspective. The though made him incredibly sad.
He stood up "I'm starving. Do you want... anything to eat?"
"I didn't sleep with anyone you know."
Gabriel did a double take. Not the comments he was expecting at all. A complete surprise, yet he also sensed that this was something Zak wanted to get off his chest. He sat back down. Food could wait.
There was a pause, as if Zak were waiting for Gabriel to say something. Gabriel shifted uncomfortably.
"Well...umm....That's Ok. You can sleep with who you like. When your ready" The was suitable, generalised comment that made no suggestion. Gabriel was fairly pleased with it.
"I just didn't want you to think I slept with anyone. Just because I was an exotic dancer, I didn't want you thinking I was an easy ride."
Gabriel looked at Zak earnestly "Zak, listen. I never thought that about you. Never! We all make out choices in life, and you're a good person with a kind heart. That's what I like about you. I couldn't care who you sleep with, that's your choice. Just as long as you're happy.
Zak smiled his slow, sad smile.
"You always make me feel good about myself, you know that."
Gabriel shrugged "happy to be of service"
Zak turned his gaze back to the fire
I haven't been with anybody in nearly a month. Not since that first night with you anyway
Gabriel smiled. 'Yeah, that was wild! But there must have been loads of cute guys at the silk lace. And you have such a great body. You could have had anyone you wanted. You mean you were never tempted?"
Zak cast a wry look at Gabriel
"Of course I was tempted. I have my own libido as well you know. I'm not a monk or anything and I like sex as much as anyone. But..I made a promise to myself. After I left my last partner..."
Here Zak shivered and his hands went to his face for a second. Gabriel winced at the memory of Zak standing at his door covered in bruises and lash marks. It all seemed an eternity ago. In truth it was little more than a month. How time passed, so much had taken place.
"...I promised I would never sleep with another man again. Ever."
"Ever?"
Zak nodded, then frowned and bit his lip
"Well, not quite ever. I promised myself that if I ever found someone who I fell in love with, and I thought they might feel the same, then I would sleep with them. You see after...after what my last partner did I felt so low. He just..he just used me. He wanted sex to be for him alone. His pleasure and his forfillment. I...I couldn't live with that. It was driving me insane. So I made that promise that I would never sleep with any one again until I found the right person."
"And when did you make this promise?"
"about 6 months ago"
"And you wouldn't let your boyfriend have sex with you"
"No"
"So...is that why he beat you up?"
"Yes. And No, please can we stop talking about this."
"Sorry"
Silence descended, as both resumed their holographic vigil.
Gabriel was confused. Yes and no? What sort of answer was that? A strange one to be sure. What did it mean? Was there something else Zak's erstwhile partner wanted from him? What? He didn't have money. Perhaps he had been kidnapped. Or was being used for blackmail. That seemed unlikely thought, given the fact Zak had escaped easily. Or perhaps he hadn't. Perhaps that was the reason for the beatings. So what then? Another thought smacked his brain into higher gear and made him bolt upright.
"Wait a minute! You made the promise that you wouldn't sleep with another man, yet we..you know..we had sex on the first night we ever met. Remember the Pink Flamingo? You came back..."
"I remember" said Zak softly, cutting him off in mid sentence.
"Well...I don't understand. You mean that you made a promise and then broke it again. And then decided to keep it after that? I'm confused. I mean, If you wanted sex, why choose me. I mean, you had anyone at the club or...Ohhhh bugger!"
Gabriel shook his head. He was now totally confused. Zak was obviously tying to tell him something. He put his head in his hands. What did this all mean?
Fingers cupped his chin and lifted his head, so that he was staring straight into those green eyes, jade stones of captivating depth. He was aware that Zaks body was close to his, leaning over him. Waves shuddered over him, leaving him tingly and exited, throat dry. Gentle lips were at his ear, Gabriel could feel them tickling his lobe as the words rushed inside in a quiet breath, the tiniest of whispers. His scent and closeness were sweet as summer fragrance.
"I didn't break my promise. I said that I would sleep with the man who I fell in love with and who I thought might love me."
Then the presence was lifted and again Zak was sitting across from his, staring at him with ferocious intensity. The gaze was truly terrifying to behold because it held so much expectation, so much hope and want. So many dreams and hopes captured there in, trying to get out. All the needed as release. That confirmation, that realisation.
Gabriel started stupidly. What had just happened?
"You...uhhhh...You were only gonna sleep with...I mean...you were just gonna sleep with the guy with..who you loved. And then you ended up sleeping with me..."
The words sounded alien, as if someone else were speaking them in his voice. What was Zak trying to say. What was he waiting for. Was Zak trying to say he had made a mistake, or revoked his promise or....
...wait a minute....
The he understood. He understood exactly what Zak was trying to say. His chest felt so tight, as if someone were crushing the life out of him. The profound ness of realisation brought with it an excitement so wild it made Gabriel feel like he might be able to fly, soar away into the wild world, screaming his abject joy at the top of his voice. Coupled with a terror so great that it thought it might sweep him away into the black void he had once resided in, but this time, he would never escape.
Something plopped onto his hand and he shook it away. Dampness. He raised his hands to touch his cheeks. They were wet. Was he crying? He tried to look at Zak but somehow images had become all blurry. He wiped his eyes with his other hand. The other was sat across from his staring with wide, passionate stare. Tears crept down his cheeks and his eyes were bright.
Gabriel wasn't even aware that he had moved, only that suddenly, he was wrapping his arms around the heaving frame of the other and hugging him fiercely. Gently, not letting go, he wiped the tears out of Zak's eyes and smiled at him.
"Gabriel"
"Yes.."
"I...I Love you!"
A pause
"I know. I love you too"
They were snared in each other's arms. For a long time they refused to give up the warmth and comfort of two souls who hand finally found each other and bonded in the way that only the truly needed could. Gabriel could feel Zak's heart beating against his chest through the material of the bathrobe. Gently he ran his hands over the muscles of Zak's back, marvelling in their smoothness, their firmness. He loved this man with all of his might and he never wanted to let him go. Never! And more amazingly, Zak loved him. How could that be? How could someone so moving be in love with someone like him? Gabriel marvelled at the mystery of fate, the force that had thrown their lives on an intersecting course and finally brought them together in this place, at this time.
Zak moved his head from off Gabriel's shoulder and stared at him. Gabriel blinked, wondering what was happening, then suddenly, his lips were locked into a soft caress with the others. Eagerly Zak's tongue parted Gabriel's lips and slid inside, caressing. It slid over areas that made Gabriel gasp and shiver. Slowly the tongue completed the circuit of his mouth and withdrew. Zak leaned back slightly, gauging Gabriel's reaction.
"Well?"
Gabriel grinned. "Hmmm, not bad, but it didn't last long enough. I think, If I'm going to make an accurate assessment, we need to try it again."
This time, passions rising, there could be no holding back. They devoured each other's mouths eagerly. Tongues caressed tongues, stepping into a dance of ageless familiarity as each wrapped and encircled the other. Lips met in joyful union. There kissing was long and immeasurably passionate. Timelessly joined.
Eventually they broke the kiss, still clinging to each other like shipwrecked sailors. Gabriel's head was swimming, his eyes watering again. He brushed the tears away and ran his hands through Zak's lovely, flaxen hair. The hair he had wanted to stroke for so long, was finally there and willing to be caressed. He drank in the smell of Zak like sparkling champagne, resting his head against the others, and breathing in the sweetness.
Zak sighed happily, the shifted to look up, Gabriel was forced to move his head, but the opportunity to look into Zaks eyes was too good to miss. He felt himself fall down all over again.
"Gabriel.."
"hmmm...yes.."
"I want you!"
Gabriel looked surprised, and overjoyed, all at the same time.
"What, Here?"
Zak nodded
"Now?"
Again Zak nodded.
"Well...who am I to argue with the best dancer this side of the galaxy. I want you to. Zak..I want you so much, for so long. I...I just wasn't sure you even felt the same. I didn't want to ruin out friendship by putting pressure on you. I though...I thought..."
"Sssshhh! That time has gone now. The doubt has gone. You know how I feel, and I know you. Let us not waste another moment. I love you Gabriel and I want to be with you. Let's make it special. Ours alone"
"Yes, I love you too, god I love you so much!"
Again they came together, bodies pressing and moulding together in pleasure. Gabriel could feel supple hands move underneath the folds of his bathrobe. They surfed over his skin, leaving goose bumps where they passed. Gently they trailed from the small of his back, tracing the lines of fire over his muscles, up his spinal cord and over his shoulder blades. Gabriel shivered all over. No one had managed to make him feel this aroused, this good, ever. He wanted this joy to be never ending, and more so he wanted Zak's experience to be just as intoxicating.
His hands roamed the hills and valleys of Zak's torso, sometimes fingering his belly button, and making him giggle, sometimes feeling his palms crossing the hard nubs of nipple which made Zak draw a sharp intake of breath. Sometimes caressing and massaging the shoulders and the taunt chiselled muscles of his back. From the small gasps and occasional moans that he kept hearing, Zak was enjoying it as much as he was.
Their hands roved freely, as if every inch or torso, neck and head had to be simultaneously caressed to produce true connection. Gabriel was dimly aware that someone was pulling down his bathrobe, exposing his naked chest and stomach. Bizarrely, all he could think of for that second was that Zak might think he would look rather stupid in a bathrobe/kilt! Then that thought was chased away by pure sensation. His hands, almost by their own accord pulled the closed bathrobe down off Zak's shoulders and into his lap, by now both of them were totally unaware of their strange attire. Their thoughts were centred purely on each other.
Feeling Zak's naked flesh pressing against his own drove Gabriel nearly wild with desire. This was so right! Zak's lips gently caressed one of his ear lobes, nibbling at the sensitive flesh. Slowly the mouth floated over all the most sensitive parts of his face, sucking gently on each of them, teasing and biting at his bottom lip and nibbling him gently. Gabriel massage of Zak's naked body intensified, paying particular attention to his nipples, which made Zak moan, whenever he circled them with his fingers, gently caressing and squeezing them. They were as hard as ball bearings and must be highly sensitive at the moment, Gabriel knew. He took great delight in stimulating them and listening to Zak gasp and feel him shudder nest to him. There was nothing more he wanted in the world at that moment. He kissed each of them gently, sucking and licking them with his tongue and making Zak buck.
Meanwhile the other tongue had reached his neck, and the lips gently sucked and licked their way around, before Zak moved his attention downwards.
Gabriel could feel Zak's erection pressing into him. The material of the bathrobe was not enough to prevent the sharp bulge that Gabriel could feel pressed against his thigh. He grinned wickedly. There could be no released for either of them until they were completely satisfied. He knew they would be, but achieving climatic bliss was all the fun, and achieving it with the one person you cherished more than anything else in the world made it so much sweeter. Gently he took his hands off Zak and pulled at the bathrobe that was around his waist. Zak adjusted his position, and the bathrobe slid off his body. Gabriel threw it away and turned to stare at one of the most moving sights he could ever imagine. Zak was naked, completely naked in front of him. Just for him. His own hardness throbbed, begging for relief. Time enough for that. He wanted them both to satisfy each other, together. Both to feel the joy of their passion together. To be together.
Teeth gently hooked themselves over his left nipple. He yelped slightly at the pain, then sang out as a warm, wet tongue began to gently molest the sensitive skin there. Round and round, in slow circles the tongue slid, sometimes crossing the nub in the centre and making Gabriel draw sharp breath. Once the tongue had given one nipple a good soaking, it was released and teeth clamped gently down over the other, to begin the process all over again. The mixture of pain and pleasure Gabriel felt was indescribable. How could anybody make him feel like this. He felt as if molten ecstasy was flowing through every pore, nourishing him, sustaining him.
Gently, his hand played over Zak's naked thigh, stroking the soft flesh there. It was smooth and, to him, as silky as the finest cloth. He caressed it softly, artfully running his finger tips across the surface so lightly, like a feather drifting on a summer's breath. Zak's breathing had quickened to short gasps and his hips seemed to be grinding against Gabriel, thrusting towards the source of the pleasure. His mouth, still suckling, gave Gabriel no respite from the joy he was receiving and so it was time to exact his owns revenge for this sensuality Zak was giving to him.
Swiftly his hands slid over and up, in between Zak's legs. The stiffness of the flesh there told him Zak was urgently in need but Gabriel wasn't ready for that. They were just getting started. They were both in need but when the time finally came, they would be released together.
Gabriel's hand gently stroked Zak's sex, marvelling at the firmness and feel. It as soft, yet full. He committed every texture, ever pit and rise to memory as h worked his hand slowly down the shaft to the balls that hung like jewels below. Gently he massaged them and squeezed them, enjoying the sobs of forfillment that came from Zak, Each one he gently stroked, caressing them lovingly and skilfully. His hands continued their journey, moving under the legs and clutching the perfect round globes behind, stroking and rubbing them, fingers moving form the high peaks to the deepest crevice's and back. Zak's body arched against him and he whimpered as the touching brought him rapture he had never known before.
His hands retraced their steps and this time, travelling up that shaft of hot, pulsing sensation, he finally reached the tip. There, a thick wetness helped cool his burning hand as he rubbed and massaged the crown, working his hand gently around the most sensitive of glands. Zak's body contorted and his hips bucked against Gabriel palm, wanting more and yet more of the boiling pleasures that Gabriel brought.
There bodies grinding against each other, Gabriel felt Zak's hand circle his waist and untie the knot holding his bathrobe to his body. It finally gave way and Gabriel wriggled out of the now restrictive garment. As naked as Zak now, their bodies intermingled with each other, looping and flowing over one another, all semblance of control all but forgotten.
Gabriel felt hand pushing him back down onto the floor. It was cool against his seared nerve endings. Zak's body lay over him, thrusting against him, gyrating. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Zak and massaged the back and the fabulous buttocks, so tight and perfect. Slowly Zak wriggled lower down his body. So Gabriel was running his hands through Zak's luxurious hair again, it was all he could reach. Ideally he wondered what Zak was planning to do down there and, just before the answer hit him, he was engulfed.
He cried out as the warm wetness of Zak's mouth enveloped his already straining shaft. Slowly, the tongue began to circle the very tip, licking and caressing, playing gently across its entirety, maximising every feeling that blasted through Gabriel. It curled and uncurled before wandering, ever so gently around the apex of the head, stopping to tickle at the most sensitive parts and causing Gabriel to grind his teeth to stop from shrieking.
Then rhythm kicked in, Zak's head continued its downward motion, deeper around Gabriel. His head moved slowly, inch after ecstatic inch being absorbed inside, until finally, Gabriel felt smooth lips gently brush the top of his testicles. No sooner had that happened then the mouth began its ascent again, the tongue ever active, darting back and forward over ever part of it's captured prey. The feeling was gut wrenching and Gabriel was sure that he would never feel anything like it ever again. The mouth ascended to suck and nip gently at the tip, and make Gabriel wriggle and thrust. Down again, then up, then down and once again up. The rhythm started slowly but gathered quickly in momentum, up then down, then up again. Faster and faster until, a few minutes later Zak's head was blur, his long hair hiding his face as he bobbed up and down on Gabriel's erection.
Gabriel's hand cupped and stroked Zak, quickly applying pressure and twisting his wrist backwards and forwards. Zak bucked silently, his naked arching body wriggling and surging towards Gabriel's quickening hand. Zak's stickiness coated Gabriel's hand, making it glide smoothly and steadily against its charge. He could hear Zak panting violently, and his own breath was loud in his ears, laced with the small moans and gasps of pleasure that he could not help but avoid. The one he loved, truly loved was pleasuring him, there could be no richer feeling.
They continued for a few more minutes, each swept away not only by the ecstatic feeling that the other was providing them with, but also the insight that they did what they did because they were in love. A pure selfless act that made them want to be with each other, to please each other with ferocity that was vehement in its speed and energy. Gabriel didn't know how he had lived without this feeling before hand. But then, he wasn't sure about anything in the past anymore. In the month since he had come to know Zak, he had been to places he would never have dreamed of going before. Done things he thought he could never do again. Seen things that might have made another curl up in terror and experienced things that would make even the coldest hearted person melt in sadness and joy! How had Zak managed to do this to him?
Zak hadn't done anything on his own. They had done it together. Everything he had done, he had done for Zak. Everything Zak had done, he had done for him. That was the way of love. The best way. The only way.
They were so close now, Gabriel could feel his whole body tightening, the energy coursing from all over inside him, down deeper and deeper into his crotch. Everything was harder, hotter and more vibrant than anything ever was before. The whole of his body was on fire with sexual flame and he didn't care if it burned him to ash. All that existed was the now. This moment in time. He quivered all over with anticipation of something more powerful than he had ever experienced. Something truly unique.
He could feel Zak tighten under his hand. Zak was ready too, he knew. His gasping, panting and moaning had increased to almost a wail of torture and neither of them wanted to wait any longer.
"Gabriel..."
"Yes..."
"Its time...to let...go"
"Let...go...?"
"Y..Y..Yes. Don't...torture...anymore..."
"Uh...Uh...OK!"
He knew what to do now. He let it all go. All the guilt. All the anger. All the rage and dread he had felt. All the fright and remorse and feelings of being alone. All that was past now. A part of his life that once existed but was no more. The night had ended and the new day had begun. It was the first day of the rest of Gabriel's life with Zak. And it was going to be a long life indeed. Forever.
Then he climaxed, his cry's of ecstasy mingling with those of Zak's release.
Afterwards they cleaned each other up and took a shower together. Gabriel shook with the intensity of the orgasm he had just had and he could feel Zak trembling next to him. What they had both experienced was beyond mortality and entered the realms of the unexplainable. Gabriel couldn't describe it.
They lay naked in Gabriel's bed together and tangled with each other, the sheets and the pillows. The heat from the night outside was too much for the ancient air siphon in the apartment and they were drenched in sweat, which ran in rivulets off their bodies, making them slick and damp. They moved against each other, mouths exploring and hands caressing, a mirror of what they had first experienced earlier that night. That was their first tentative steps together. Since that first step a few hours earlier they had thrown caution to the wind, and given themselves to each other fully. Their passion was intense, as if they knew that they might lose each other at any moment and were determined that these final nights were to be the most intense and pleasurable that could be had. The boundary between fantasy and reality was shattered, and sent spinning into destruction as each shared there most personnel and secretive thoughts and experiences with the other. It was a bonding of body to body, and soul to soul.
Finally, unwinding themselves and thoroughly satiated, Zak turned towards Gabriel. His damp hair lay in lank strands around his face and his gleaming body made Gabriel's breath catch in his throat and every nerve tingle with energy. The half-light accentuated every muscle, every curve. He was like some angelic creature that had been sent for his salvation. Except that, in this case, they were salvation for each other. Gabriel though there could he no more perfect way.
Zak stared at him for a few minutes, fixing him with hat terrifyingly intense gaze, and Gabriel's stomach flipped over once. Damn it!
"Gabriel"
"Yes my love"
"Would you want me always"
"Huh?" The question threw him a little.
"I mean...well you know. Forever. Even if I did something, or you know, had done things that you...you...You didn't know about."
Gabriel hugged the smaller body to his own and nibbled his ear
"Zak, I would want you till...till...Till every start in the sky is extinguished and every drop in the ocean turns to ice. And even then I,d have to think very hard about giving you up. I love you far far too much for that. Does that answer your question?"
He felt Zak slightly shift slightly and tunnel closer into him.
"Yes. Oh Gabriel. I love you. Please, never let me go"
They held each other for a long time before Zak looked up at him again and made him lurch
"Gabriel"
"HMMMmmmmmm"
"I want you inside me"
"Gabriel struggled to a sitting position, valiantly rubbing the vestiges of sleep from his eyes. He had been drifting off into slumber but this comment had made him sit up and take note. Until now, their sexual practise had all been limited to touch and oral. It had been satisfying in so many ways. True, they had had sex before, but that was when it was just sex (all be it great) and this was different. This was...this was so much deeper than that. Infinitely so.
Gabriel started at the man whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with
"Are you sure?"
"Zak nodded emphatically"
"Gabriel tried to read Zak, searching for any signs of hesitation or reluctance. He found non. Zak smiled at him, his arms draped languorously around Gabriel body, massaging places that make Gabriel feel very aroused."
He opened his mouth to again voice his concern, to tell Zak that they didn't have to do this, that they could wait as long as they liked until he was ready. He never got the sentence out. A finger across his lips smashed the sentence against his closed teeth, splintering it into nothing like a shipwreck on jagged rocks.
"If I hadn't wanted to do this then I would have never asked. But I do. I want your Gabriel. More than anything or anyone in the world I want you. I want out inside me. I want you to complete me. I want you to love me like you've never loved anybody else. I want to feel you moving in me, against me. Please, Give me that. I need it!"
Gabriel was overwhelmed. Once again he was forced to ask why he was so special as to deserve this remarkable, astonishing man. As usual he had no answer, but Gabriel was beginning to understand that he perhaps he didn't need an answer. Perhaps there was no answer. Love wasn't something you could measure and pour out into quantities or drip feed to people who had lost their way. It was bizarre and terrifying, celestial and punishing, wonderful and achingly sad. And all these things helped bring two people together. Two stars, all alone in the night, drawn to each other. Orbiting each other. Gravital attraction.
Fumbling around he thumbed a stud onto of his bedside cabinet and a draw slid smoothly open on oiled servos. Pulling out a tube of lubricant, he popped the cap and looked over, searching Zak's face in the dimness.
Zak responded by throwing off the covers and lying on his back, legs spread apart and knees bent. Gabriel scooted over to the side of the bed that Zak was now lying and together they shuffled into the middle of the large mattress. Staring into Zak's mesmerising green eyes and seeing him spread out beneath him was the most erotic thing Gabriel had ever seen and every fibre of his being pulsed with desire. He wanted to claim Zak now, to claim him so that, together they might consummate everything that had lead to this point. He wanted this moment to be for them and forever.
He popped the cap off the lubricant and generously lathered a large blob onto his hands. With a feather touch be began to apply the cooling ointment to every part of Zak where they would make contact. Inner thighs, buttocks, and then deeper. Gently, two fingers penetrated and moved inside, oiling Zak so that he might accommodate Gabriel more easily and with less pain.
Playfully, the fingers moved deeper inside, caressing the prostate and making Zak arch and moan.
"Stop it, that's not fair!"
Grinning Gabriel withdrew his fingers, all the while searching for signs that he had caused Zak any discomfort or pain. He saw nothing. Zak's face was a oil painting, a fabulous sun rise that burgeoned in the sky, casting everything in rays of gold and bronze. Copper and light. It made everything new and astonishing. Gabriel sighed and Zak's eyes opened staring at him with wild passion. He lathered himself liberally with the gel, unable to prevent his own small gasps as his caressed himself.
"Do it! Please!"
Pushing the legs apart a little wider, Gabriel positioned his own hard sex in between Zak's legs. Gently his hand brushed over Zak's own shaft and balls. His hands gripped the knees to either side. He took deep breath and then, gently, he rocked his hips forward, burying himself inside.