Gareth and Sam

This story is a work of fiction. It contains scenes that involve sex between consenting adult men and if this offends you, you are underage, or prohibited by law from viewing such material leave now.

Nothing in this story should be taken to imply that Gareth Gates is gay or that the events portrayed are in any way real or based on knowledge of actual events or people. It is a work of pure fiction.

The real Gareth Gates has a speech impediment when talking(but not singing). While I have acknowledged this in the text I do not attempt to truly represent it.

Introductory comments

I am so sorry that once again this chapter has taken so long to produce. Again I misled people about when it would appear. There were good family reasons for the delay this time.

The good news is that Chapter 13 is almost finished and 14 is started.

I have tried not to dwell on the mundane. Some of you may find the end of the chapter a bit abrupt, but nothing of significance happens in that time period and I simply tell you the barest details.

MY email address has changed. It is now garethsam@btinternet.com. AOL and Macs don't mix on broadband so I changed IP. Note to AOL mac is the biggest selling brand of computers in the world - SORT IT OUT!

My usual readers did not get a chance to complete their comments this time. I wanted it out for Christmas. Please accept my apologies for errors.

All comments on this gratefully received at garethsam@btinternet.com.

Gareth and Sam Chapter 12 Diverging plans

• Note that the narration switches between gareth and sam each time there is a line of stars (*****)/ We start with Sam as the narrator.

I picked up a copy of the newspaper The Sun and stared at the headline. "Gareth's new girl - IT"S A BOY!'

'Oh FUCK.' I quickly tried to open the paper to read the story, my heart racing. But I couldn't separate the pages.

I woke with a jolt. Shit another dream. A bad dream. I realized the events of the day were still on my mind.

I looked around. Gareth was no longer on the bed with me and I briefly panicked looking around for him in my half asleep state. He came out of the bathroom, now dressed in boxers.

"Hi sleepyhead." He said, smiling, and came and sat on the bed. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just dreaming." I said, not wanting to give away my concerns, but worried my agitated state had given away my feelings.

"What are we going to do tonight?" he asked, stroking my arm gently.

"Don't mind. Eat of course."

"Want to go out and have a drink and a dance?" Gareth smiled, an impish sort of smile that suggested he had plans.

"Sure."

"Let's go to a gay club then." He said, revealing his intentions, and widening his smile to give me a full view of the cute gap between his front teeth.

I was immediately uneasy. What a difference a week makes! Last week I was the bold one, sure of myself and confident in my sexuality. Now I was getting more and more scared of Gareth being outted; and he wanted to go clubbing.

"You sure about that babe? What if you are recognized, or a paper gets a picture?"

"We can be careful can't we? And by not announcing we are coming nobody will alert the paperatzzi. And who is looking for me in a Gay club in Sydney anyway?"

"I suppose." I replied, cautiously.

"After all Sydney is the Gay capital of the Southern Hemisphere isn't it?" Gareth enthused.

"So they say."

"Ok, let's get ready then. I was waiting till you woke up to shower." And his smile turned into a broad toothy grin.

I sat up and looked at him in his enthusiasm. I felt much better for his confidence and told myself that if he was happy who was I to argue? I lent forward and kissed him. "Ok, let's go."

We showered and dressed up, once again in Gareth's finest. I was lucky we were the same size.

"Where do we go?" Gareth asked.

"Not sure." I said. "I think Oxford Street is the place to go. It's like Old Compton Street in London."

"Where is Old Compton Street?"

"Soho. Close to Oxford Street in London actually. But I don't know where Oxford Street is in Sydney."

"There is probably a street map somewhere. Look in that hotel folder by the phone."

I picked up the folder and found a street map, just as Gareth expected. I looked carefully at the map, but couldn't find Oxford Street. I decided to start from the opposite direction and find the hotel and work outwards.

I quickly found the Marriott by working from the Opera House and following the route we had driven. I looked around the area of the hotel. "Well that's a bit of luck. Oxford Street is literally around the corner."

"Cool. Well let's walk there and see what we can find then." Gareth said, pulling on a denim jacket and putting on his Nike baseball cap.

We walked out of the hotel and crossed a complicated junction. Oxford Street was busy. There were lots of people walking in both directions and on both sides of the road. No clue there then.

All the buildings were shops. Mainly small ones, but as we walked there were more caf's, bars and then restaurants. After about 300 yards we got our first confirmation of where we were. Two guys walking towards us holding hands.

"Look." I said, nudging Sam's elbow with mine.

"Okay. Don't stare." he scolded. "Think how you would feel."

I have to say one guy was stunning. Tall, slim and dressed to kill. His boyfriend was trying to compete in his open yellow shirt and ripped jeans; but failing!

After we passed them I said. "Feeling brave?"

"What?" Sam said as I took his hand.

"Babe, we shouldn't."

"Why not?" I asked as he withdrew his hand from mine.

"Because you can't afford to be seen like that. Wait till we get into a club yeah?"

I showed my disappointment briefly, and then pretended to cry, before laughing. "Okay Sam. You're right, but I just can't get enough of you."

He looked into my eyes as I looked at his lips, which seemed to be shining red, inviting me to kiss them. "I know what you mean. Really I do."

By now we were clearly getting further into the gay area.

"I think this is a gay bar." Sam said. We stood outside a large bar with panoramic open windows.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Well it's called Stonewall, there is a large pink triangle on the wall there and those two guys sitting in the window are kissing." Sam replied.

"Just circumstantial evidence then." I said laughing; Sam could always make me laugh. "But food first. I'm proper starved."

We walked on. More evidence that we were heading in the right direction was the large rainbow painted onto the pavement. It was clearly a guide and we followed it around the corner. A square opened up before us, spoiled by some roadworks, but there was a smart looking sign by a bar.

"What about here?" Sam asked.

I looked carefully, seeing an appropriate classy joint "Yeah, just right."

I moved towards the entrance. Sam headed for another door to the side.

"No Sam, this one." I was heading for "Sol' a fine restaurant above the place Sam had been looking at. "Come on Sam, you're in the 'Star set' now".

We headed up the stairs and I indicated he wanted a table for two with my fingers. Typically not talking when I didn't have to. The waiter, no older than us and cute as a bug in his tight white shirt showed us to a table next to the huge windows that looked out onto the square and down Oxford Street.

We took the menus and the waiter asked us what we would like to drink.

"Champagne please." I said. "I love Champagne." And I chose the one I recognised from the wine list.

We looked at the menu. Fairly pointless in my case, there was steak on it and I ordered it, medium/well done.

"Cool restaurant." Sam said.

I looked around. It was only half full, but it was certainly a friendly and tasteful place. Just looking at the dcor would tell you it was Gay. But the exclusively male couples sat around the room confirmed it.

I looked closely at the couple sat behind Sam. Sam turned to see what had caught my interest. Two guys, maybe in their early thirties, sat eating, smiling and talking.

Seeing them, clearly content and, I thought, probably partners for some time I asked, "What happens when gay couples decide they are more than boyfriends and want to take the next step?"

Sam realized what I was talking about. He had recognised that the guys were much older than us.

"Well they live together." Sam said.

"Yeah, but is there a gay equivalent of getting engaged?" I was trying not to be too obvious, but the more time I spent with Sam the more I wanted to spend all my time with him.

"No. But in some places you can have same sex marriages now. Guys back home often refer to being 'married', but it's not legal."

I couldn't help myself. I smiled, broadly, and let out a 'mmmmm' sound. "So where are guys allowed to marry legally?"

"Holland, Belgium, maybe the States? Not really sure."

My heart soared, and I knew what my next steps were. Suddenly all my difficulty in writing a song for Sam's Christmas present disappeared. I knew exactly what had to be in the song and what's more I had an important part of the tune in my head. My train of thought was interrupted by the arrival of the first course. It was another of my favorites. Pate de frois grais.

For the whole meal I kept drumming my fingers on the table to the tune I was developing for Sam. It drives my Mum mad when I do that. Sam didn't seem to mind and I was overjoyed to have the song idea and to have the start of a long-term plan.

Of course as always I enjoyed my meal and drank my share of the bottle of champagne. Just as desert was being cleared I realized how easily we had fitted into this exclusively gay environment. I had not been at all aware of either of us being self-conscious since we arrived. It was good to be at ease in public.

The waiter came back. "Where is the best place to go for a dance?" I asked as I passed him my credit card.

"Stonewall, just around the corner has several floors. Different styles. Depends what you want though."

"Just dancing, normal club stuff." I said.

"Start at Stonewall then." he said.

"Cool. Thanks." Sam said.

We walked out of the restaurant into the still warm evening. As we rounded the corner into Oxford Street proper a Ferrari 360 swept past.

"Hey, now that is the car I want" I said.

"That would be so cool." Sam enthused. "Can you drive?"

I had to admit I couldn't. "But I'm learning to drive. And I'm doing 'Celebrity Driving School' for Comic Relief when I get back. I've already filmed some lessons."

"Well that sounds like a nightmare. All your mistakes on TV."

"I don't mind, it's a good cause. And free lessons."

"Yeah I suppose."

We arrived at the Stonewall Hotel and I walked in, eager to see what it was like. Sam was more hesitant, stopping on the step to look around. Then he pushed ahead of me.

"Come on Gaz." And he led the way to a stairway and headed upstairs.

As Gaz entered Stonewall I was immediately nervous. I scanned the area for photographers. Shit. What if we were spotted?

I was so preoccupied that I looked round and Gaz was though the door and heading for the bar. Quickly I caught up and told him to follow me. There were some stairs to another bar as I had decided that the ground floor, with its large open windows, was too public.

We climbed the stairs. A guy on the way down looked at Gareth and said. "Good one mate." I didn't understand.

A moment later, at the top of the stairs a wave of relief overcame me.

We stood at the door, the music was loud, the lights flashing and the room full of people. All dressed up as their favorite celebrity. Gareth had been mistaken for an impersonator of himself!

"This looks cool." I said. "Course you have to pretend to be you."

"Wicked." Gareth said. "We can have fun with this."

And we did have fun. We got some beers and moved to the side of the room where there were some stools against the wall. We watched guys dancing, many, but not all, dressed up for the occasion.

As we watched one of the three Elvis's shake his hips Gaz took my hand.

"Come on." He said, pulling me up. We danced for twenty minutes or so among the lively crowd. Both of us getting approving glances from other guys. Needing a breather we returned to our beer.

"Good place." I said trying to make myself heard over the music.

Gaz nodded agreement and raised a thumb. My beer nearly empty and uncomfortably warm anyway needed replenishment.

"Another beer?" I asked raising my bottle so there was no confusion.

"Yes. Please." Gareth said. He lent towards me "Be quick." He said and kissed me on the cheek.

I headed to the bar and was served fairly quickly. As I returned I saw a guy talking to Gaz. He was tall, in his early twenties and had a small, short beard. He seemed tanned and toned, like so many of the Aussies. As I arrived Gareth held out his hand to take the beer and said "Sorry. My boyfriend." and smiled a big, broad grin.

"No worries mate. Have a good one." And the guy turned and walked away.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"David." Said Gareth and began to laugh and talk at the same time. "He thinks I'm gorgeous and wanted to dance. I told him thanks, but I was taken, by the most wonderful guy in the world."

I smiled and put my arm around Gareth's shoulder. "Can't be. I'm with him." And we kissed. Right there in front of all those people, a long passionate, searching kiss. But hey they thought Gaz was just a look-alike.

We drank some of the beer then danced again. We exchanged a few words with other guys, many of whom commented on how good Gaz looked as himself. I loved it. I felt quite liberated, not having to be worried about Gareth being recognized.

As the slow numbers began I felt able to dance close to him and melted into his arms and enjoyed the kisses as we moved slowly to the music.

We were anonymous in the crowd. It was perfect. As we held each other close the heat and smell of Gareth intoxicated me. I raised my hand to his face, brushing his cheek, and running my thumb from his ear to his chin, relishing the feel of the soft stubble. I felt a depth of love I had never experienced before. Not just physical attraction, not simple infatuation with a fun and gorgeous guy. It was real love. At least I think it is.

"Let's go back to the hotel babe. Early start again and some unfinished business." Gareth said placing his hand firmly on my dick. Whatever my pure feelings lust took over.

"Yes please." I whispered in his ear. And we headed for the door, each with an arm around the other.

"Hey fellas!" A voice called from behind. "You, Gareth Gates look-alike!"

We turned and a guy, dressed is a sparkly jacket, with streaks in his hair, hurried towards us. "Just wanted to say well done with the effort mate. You look just like him, but we're giving the prize to the Judy Garland. Keep trying though. Maybe do something with your hair"

"Thanks." Gareth said. We turned and dissolved into laughter. "Can't even win a fancy dress as myself"

We walked down the stairs and headed for the door. I could see that the road was still busy and full of light. I suppose for a city like Sydney 11.30 is still early.

There were two guys ahead of us as we left. We stepped out on to the pavement a few yards behind them. I looked briefly to my right; away from the direction we were heading and as I did so heard a sickening thud and a cry.

"Fucking, stinking poof!" someone shouted and I heard a cry and looked to see several teenagers laying into the two guys who had left before us. One was already on the ground the other busy defending himself, crouching with his arms held high over his head. Immediately I looked at Gareth to make sure he was okay. He was frozen. A look of horror on his face, his mouth wide open.

I knew that if we just stood there we would become involved. I grabbed Gareth's hand and pulled him towards the road. My plan to cross and head down the other side back to the hotel.

Gareth did not move quickly. "Come on Gaz. Run." I shouted. One of the thugs who had been kicking the guy on the ground heard me and moved to intercept us. Gareth was closer to him and he was heading straight for him. Certainly moving more quickly than we were at that moment.

I pulled Gareth, hard. Once I had pulled him past I put myself in the path of our attacker.

"Fancy me mate." He sneered and began to raise his arm in order to bring it down on me.

I punched upwards, striking him in the middle of the throat. I felt his Adam's apple give under the weight of my punch and he let out a croaking exclamation.

I was not going to stay to see how effective my intervention had been. I turned, grabbed Gareth's hand again and ran across the street, pulling Gaz with me. We narrowly avoided a car, but they had all slowed down to watch the gay bashing.

As we reached the other side the sound of help arriving from inside made me brave enough to turn and look. We stopped briefly and saw a stream of people emerging from Stonewall as the attackers retreated up a side street, whooping and continuing their verbal abuse. Two doormen were now standing over the unfortunate victims, preventing further injury.

"Let's get out of here." I said. We ran for about 150 yards, before slowing to a brisk walk.

"I think.." he paused searching for the words ".. we are safe." Gareth said, breathlessly.

"Yeah. Me too." I said, my heart still racing. "You ok babe?"

"Yes. Thanks to you." Gareth was red in the face and had clearly had a fright. "Well done." ... "I could never do that,... I'm not brave enough or strong enough." Gaz had to take a big breath to start each phrase.

"Do what?"

"Hit someone like that."

"I just got in the way. I was lucky." I said, truthfully.

Gareth moved closer and put his arm around me. "Thanks anyway."

Nervous about us being seen in such a public place I began to move away. But Gareth was shaking, a tremble than was running through his whole body. "Come on, let's get back to the hotel." I kept my arm around him to help reassure him. Poor Gaz, he must have been so frightened. Come to that I was shaking a bit myself.

We walked quickly. As we walked I looked around to make sure nobody was following us. We walked in silence and within a few minutes were at the hotel door and rushed through reception to the lift.

"I need another drink." Gareth said as we reached our room.

I went to the minibar. "Beer okay?" I wasn't sure about alcohol and shock so thought I would avoid the small bottles of spirits.

"Yes please." Gareth flopped onto the bed and led back. I opened the bottles and joined him. He sat up to take the beer in his right hand.

I sat on the bed next to him and took his spare hand. There was still a discernable shake in his body.

"Oh babe. You're still shaking. You're safe now."

"I know." he replied, but just wasn't expecting it. They seemed so angry, and vicious. Those guys had done nothing to them."

"I know, its just hate." I said and I changed to putting my arm right around his waist to move closer to him. "I'm afraid there are people out there who don't like what we are."

"But it could have been us. If that guy hadn't stopped us upstairs as we were leaving we would have left in front of those poor guys." Gareth brain was clearly racing. He had stopped stuttering and the words flowed.

"Hey but it wasn't us. We are safe." I paused, "And I would never let anyone hurt you." I kissed his cheek.

"Thanks." He replied as his arm now went around my waist. I felt he was calming down now. "Where did you learn to fight like that? You felled that guy."

"Ah, lucky really. I hope he's okay. I was aiming for his jaw really."

"Don't worry about him!" Gareth said, half laughing, then drinking some beer. "You know I'm suddenly very tired."

"Let's go to bed then." I said.

We undressed, just throwing our clothes on the floor and wriggled into bed in our boxer.

"Sam hold me please?" Gaz said.

"Of course." I wrapped my arms around him and he curled up in my arms, like a child into a parent.

"I love you so much Sam." Gareth said as he tucked his head into my shoulder.

"Love you too babe. More than anything." And Gareth's breathing began to settle and he fell asleep.

I stayed awake, cradling my darling Gareth and watching him while he slept, but thinking about how lucky we had been. This time.

I woke up while it was still dark. Sam was sleeping beside me and I watched as his chest gently rose and fell.

I felt refreshed and happy. I still had the feeling of security he had given me as he had held me close when we slept. I knew what I wanted more than anything else. I wanted Sam to be with me forever. I wanted him to agree to 'marry' me.

I was struggling a bit with the concept. What do you call each other? Your 'husband'? Whatever I was going to ask him.

While we had been in the restaurant I had had the idea for Sam's song. It was a great idea. I would ask him to marry me in the song. I would commit to him forever and ask him to do the same.

I was suddenly worried I would forget the words and tune I had so far. Gently I slipped out of bed, trying not to disturb Sam. He stirred slightly but didn't wake.

I went to the dressing table where the hotel stationary was in a rack. I took some sheets of paper and a pencil and went into the bathroom and shut the door.

I turned the light on and quickly wrote down the words I had thought of. It was just a chorus so far. I had more of the tune and next I wrote down the notes, roughly drawing lines to guide me.

Satisfied that I would not forget I scanned the words again. I tried to think about how to start the song and an idea flashed through my mind. The words fitted the tune and I wrote them down, just two lines. Nothing more came to me, but I was happy. I folded the paper and turned the light off.

I put the paper in my jacket pocket and climbed back into bed. Sam stirred a little more this time and moved onto his side, his arm stretching out and found me. I settled back in, still only 4am. I was so happy next to Sam, my future seemingly set. I was going to marry Sam! A shudder of excitement went through me.

I watched Sam for a while. I loved watching him sleep, feeling the warmth of his closeness and smelling his sweet scent. I must have drifted off to sleep because I was woken by my phone ringing.

I scrabbled for it. "Hello."

It was Nic. They had checked in at the airport ready to leave for Melbourne.

I spoke briefly to Nic. She didn't ask about Sam, just said they had been looked after well. Mum wanted to talk to me.

Mum wanted to be sure I would pick her up from the airport. As we spoke Sam knelt behind me as I sat on the edge of the bed, saying nothing, but putting his arms around my neck and gently nibbling my ear as he ran his fingers through my chest hair. I shuddered a little.

As we were clearly running out of things to say Sam whispered to me. "Talk to Nic again."

"Hi Nic." I said as she was handed the phone. Sam spoke.

"When they get to Melbourne tell them to go through the red channel. You get through much quicker. Might save them half an hour or more."

I relayed the information. "But they have nothing to declare." I said.

"Just fill in the landing card and say they have been in rural area recently. They are paranoid about infection, like foot and mouth. They just look at their shoes if they say they visited the countryside."

It seemed good advice, Nic understood. "Sam's with you then?" She said, with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

"Yeah. It's early here. Ten to seven, we just woke up."

"Well be good. See you Monday morning." And she rang off.

"Worked out how you are going to tell your folks about us?" Sam asked.

I realized I had not thought much more about it. "I guess as soon as they get here." I didn't want to think about it, even though they would be here in just 24 hours. I wanted to be with Sam, to feel the warmth and safety of his presence, so I turned around to face him.

"Don't have to be off till 8.30 this morning. And we're awake now."

Sam understood exactly what I was talking about. "Hmmmm. Wonder what we can do to fill the time in."

"Well I was rather hoping you would fuck me." I said, pushing my hand inside his already tenting boxers.

Sam began to kiss me deeply. We fell onto the bed, working each other's our boxers down so we had access to our stiff dicks. Sam played with my chest hair as we kissed. I concentrated on his big headed dick.

Sam is always so gentle with me, but I wanted to be taken and taken hard. I thought about how he had protected me the night before. The memory of the attack was unpleasant, but Sam has made sure I came to no harm. My hands ran across his strong muscles in his arm and across his chest.

"Sam. ..Please take me." I so wanted to be dominated by him, to feel him inside me. My man Sam. My strong darling Sam.

Sam reached across to the bedside shelf where a tube of lube and some condoms was placed. He squirted some on his fingers and I turned to lie flat on the bed and stuck my arse in the air.

Sam expertly inserted his finger and began to loosen my hole. I pushed back, encouraging him; I wanted him inside as soon as possible. I don't know why I was feeling so desperate, but I really couldn't wait.

"Ok Sam. That's enough."

"You sure babe?" he had always worked hard to prepare me to take him.

"Yes. Oh yes."

I looked around to watch him put on the condom and then position himself behind me. I pushed my arse into the air and braced myself on my elbows. Sam's dick pressed against my hole and slowly entered me.

Gareth had been like a man possessed while we made love. He had demanded my entry and as I had gently entered him he had wanted it hard and fast.

It was exhilarating. Animal passion at its best. Once I got over the fear of hurting him I had given it everything. We eventually ended up with Gareth on his knees, leaning forward taking his weight on his elbows while I straddled him, my legs either side of his hips, my feet by his knees. In that way I was able to use all my weight and get as deep as I possibly could, satisfying Gaz's frequent demands for 'harder' and 'deeper'.

Gareth had cum quickly, soon after I had entered him, but after I had cum and withdrawn he had turned over, showing his throbbing erection. I lay beside him and worked his cock and quickly it spewed forth another large load of spunk, filling his belly button, matting the short dark hairs around it and dripping off my fingers.

"Thanks babe." He said, kissing me and wrapping his arm around me to pull me close. "I love you so much."

"Love you too." I replied. I knew that Gareth was madly in love with me and I was feeling guilty. I loved him too, more than anything, but I was afraid.

The simplest slip, a picture in the wrong place, a hand held anything could bring his world crashing down. What if we had been a few yards ahead of the guys who were bashed last night?

I knew that I should try to keep out of the way. Although I wasn't sure what to do I had to think about letting him go. For his sake.

We kissed for a minute or so and then went to the shower. Amazingly Gareth was hard again, but the shower was cramped compared to our Melbourne hotel and we simply washed.

"Right, John will be here soon." Gareth said as he dressed. "Let's go to the dining room for breakfast. It will be quicker."

"No." I thought quickly. I didn't want us to be seen coming down as a couple. I know for most people it wouldn't seem worth a second glance. But I knew how I felt when Mark and I had first stayed in a hotel. I just knew everyone was looking at us at breakfast, thinking. 'Look at the gay guys'. Ludicrous I know but I didn't want to take the chance. "Let's have something here."

"Ok." He didn't argue. "Order it then."

"I'll stay here today babe. I need to do some work for uni. And you will be busy." I picked up the phone to order breakfast and to prevent immediate discussion.

When I had finished Gareth took my hands in his. "Are you sure you won't come with me. I'll miss you." He said and made a miserable face.

"No really. I'll get nothing done over the next few days and I need to."

"Okay. But please call your Mum and ask her if she and your Dad will come to the hotel on Christmas day for lunch." Gareth said, squeezing my hand.

"Alright. But it's not likely is it?" I replied realistically.

"No. But we can offer the olive branch. It will also let my parents meet yours."

"Just what they need. Ten rounds with my Dad." I laughed.

We turned on the TV and watched some news. Then another crap Aussie magazine programme while breakfast arrived. John turned up while we were eating.

I was altogether happier with John now. He seemed much less threatening somehow. We told him I was going to stay at the hotel.

He said "I will talk to the hotel. But we will have to pick you up about 3 pm Sam. Our last engagement is a performance on the other side of the airport."

"Ok then". I said. "Can you tell the hotel we will check out then?"

"Sure." John said cheerfully. He then, very diplomatically I thought, excused himself and said he would see Gaz in the lobby.

We said our goodbyes and Gareth headed off.

I mopped about the room. I didn't have any work to do with me as my laptop was back in Melbourne. I caught Gareth's interview on TV, it was well edited and he came across as a confident and cute. After that I walked around the small park over the road and found a sandwich for lunch.

I went back to the hotel and got picked up by Steve 2 at 3.30. He took me to Gareth was recording a radio interview and we headed off to an open-air concert he was going to perform at.

The idea was that lots of stars would perform for a Christmas show to be shown on Christmas Eve on one of the main TV channels. Apparently it was very important for exposure. What they hadn't made clear was that it was all Christmas carols!

John got really agitated with them. He thought Gaz would do 'Unchained Melody'.

"Hey no sweat." Gareth said. "What do you want me to do?"

They wanted him to do 'Silent Night' and he readily agreed.

"Never sang that at the Carol Service at Bradford Cathedral." He joked. "Anyone know the words?"

John rushed off to find them, but Gareth knew them really. We hung around for nearly an hour and a half before it was Gareth's turn to perform. He sang it beautifully and then we waited again for the finale, where everyone performed the last carol.

It was nearly 8pm before we were able to head for the airport and Melbourne.

I had had the whole day to think. I wasn't being a drama queen. I loved Gareth. I know he loved me. But I was scared as hell. I simply did not know what to do. If I stayed and lived the life of his boyfriend someone would find out. Look what happened to Stephen Gately. I couldn't do that to Gaz.

There again maybe he wanted me to?