GAYM part 05 -- The Inn Crowd
By James Robinson yungngay1ru2@yahoo.com
(I started this as GAYM, by Sean DaDude sean_dude88@yahoo.com -- but if I could, I'd probably rename it MYTH Adventures, more in keeping with the original. This is my new name de plume, and email: James Robinson yungngay1ru2@yahoo.com)
This is a sort of crossover story I guess, combining science fiction, fantasy, and gay humor. It is based loosely on "Another Fine Myth", one of the Myth (or MYTH) series by Robert Asprin, 1978, which I discovered in paperback from Ace Books, New York, in the 1990s.
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We entered the Golden Crescent inn. I went to the restroom and left Andy to order our food as my funds were pitiful and I was clueless as to what to get.
As I entered the restroom, I nearly bumped into someone on his way out.
"Skeeve?"
Now who would know me HERE?
"Brock?"
"Yeah! So you made it. Great to see you!" said the half Imp.
"Good to see you too," I said. "Well, I'm here with a new friend, a Troilus. He saved me from a mob of Trolls, so he can be trusted."
"Should I join you?" asked Brock. "I wouldn't want to make him jealous."
"He's cool. Let me finish here, then we'll go find him."
For the most part, the place didn't have much by way of atmosphere, but I noticed Andy at a statue of a gargoyle at the counter.
"Take your order?" asked the gargoyle; it wasn't a statue, it was real!
"Two Crescent Burgers, and -- a couple of Purp Slurps," said Andy.
"Uh, Andy, I met an old friend. Okay if he joins us?" I said.
"Well..." Andy seemed unsure.
"He's one of us," I said.
"You mean he likes guys?"
I nodded. " Mmm Hmm. Andy, this is Brock."
Andy took one look and apparently liked what he saw.
"Hel- lo Brock! I'm Andy. What'll you have?"
"Pleased to meet you Andy. I'll have what you're having, and maybe a side of you for dessert?"
"Ooh, my kind of guy." Andy turned back to the gargoyle. "Gus, make that THREE Burgers and THREE slurps."
"You got it," said Gus. "You want fries with that?"
"Not today. I may be having dessert later."
"So, Brock, any news?" I asked as we sat at a table.
"Not much, I got dismissed."
"You think Isstvan guessed you were our spy?"
"Hell no," said Brock, "or I wouldn't be here right now. Isstvan simply didn't have any further use for me. I learned this much: he's building an army."
"What we need is a good assassin to take him out before he gets much further."
"I'm available," said Brock.
"I said a GOOD assassin."
"Oh, Skeeve, that's harsh!" Brock looked hurt.
"I remember you had doubts and hesitation. I can't afford to put anybody at risk if you aren't confident."
"How about me?" asked Andy.
"You're an assassin?" asked Brock.
"Not yet, but I could be."
"Kid IS a great knife thrower," I said.
"And I know a few other tricks," said Andy, snuggling against me.
"I know you've turned a few. Well, Aahz, my partner, has our money and is probably trying to line up a force himself," I explained. "I don't know if I'll be able to hire either of you, and the pay is likely to be pretty low."
"How low?" Andy and Brock asked together.
"No more than one gold piece a week, I'd say.
"Count me in," said Andy.
"That's the best offer I've had for awhile," said Brock. "Count me in too."
"Order's up for Andy. Three Crescent Burgers and Purp slurps." Gus called from the counter.
"It's prepaid," said Andy. "Skeeve, would you get it? You've got me kind of wedged into this booth."
"Okay," I said.
"Excuse me," said Gus, when I got to the counter. "I hear you're hiring mercenaries."
"Well, not exactly," I began.
"I know, you're partner is, so I figure I'll give my pitch for second string. You'll want air support and fire power. My partner and I can give you both."
"What you NEED is a good archer," said a voice behind me and to one side. "Ajax's the name, fighting's the game."
"Is THIS your partner?" I asked.
"Nah, he came in with the Gremlin."
"Little blue guy?" asked the archer. "You've seen him?"
"Yeah," said Gus.
"So THAT'S what he is. Wonder what he wants with me."
"Probably looking for a job and figures you could use a partner," said Gus.
"What's that supposed to mean?" the archer bristled.
"Well," said Gus, "you LOOK like you're a little past your prime. No offense intended, but I expect our young friend is looking for YOUNG warriors."
"Well YOU don't look that young, and I'll put my bow and arrows against archers half my age! I'm Archaic, and I'm proud."
"Archaic, as in from Archiah?" asked Gus.
"That's right," said the archer, proudly.
"Kid, hire him on the spot!" said Gus.
"Now you're talkin'," said the archer.
"Why?" I asked.
"Archiah INVENTED archery, and the Archaic are the best archers in the galaxy!" Gus informed me.
"I thought Elves were the best," I said to Gus. I had heard talk back at D'bois.
"There're more of them around, but we TAUGHT the Elves," said Ajax.
I turned to the archer. "If you're THAT good, I probably can't afford you."
"I believe you said one gold coin a week? That's fine with me."
It was becoming clear to me that gold - rare enough on Earth - must be even rarer elsewhere, and that I was probably overpaying if I had known the Deville rate of exchange.
"So, Gus, who IS your partner, and is HE gonna want a gold piece a week too?" I asked.
"We're a package deal, one gold coin for the both of us. Now where'd he go? He's around here somewhere."
"Uh, Gus, what exactly is it you're looking for?"
"Here he is, might've known he'd be by the grill. Little guy likes the heat."
Gus displayed a small lizard of brilliant orange and red, whose colors seemed to change and flicker. Some trick of the light, I supposed.
"Look, but don't touch!" Gus advised.
"It's beautiful, but what is it?" I asked.
"Fire salamander. Name's Berfert. THIS is my partner."
"Fire salamander looks like he's ON fire," noted Ajax the archer.
"See kid," Gus addressed me, "THAT'S why you want an Archaic for an archer -- they can spot detail leagues before you'd notice it. Berfert IS on fire; that's part of being a fire salamander. With my stony `skin,' I'm one of the few beings that can handle him without getting burned."
"So when you said `firepower,' that's what you meant! How do you work as a team?"
"Berfert burns out the enemy on the ground, destroying their cover, and I can take care of them from the air," said Gus, spreading his gargoyle wings.
"Well, we could use those skills, boss," said Ajax.
"Okay, I'll recommend you all to my partner."
"He's here." The nearness of Brock's voice almost made me jump.
"Who?" I asked.
"Aahz, your partner."
"SKEEVE!" Aahz boomed from the doorway. "I know you're in here. I told you not to stray, to stay in a 3-block radius, but do you listen? I've been looking everywhere for you! I finally found out that you'd bought a dragon, and, when I saw one tethered outside this place, I figured you must be here."
"I listened!" I replied, as Aahz came nearer. "I heard YOU say you'd be right back after getting your lizard bird. That was about lunchtime, HOURS ago. Now it's suppertime. You stuffed your face, now I'm gonna stuff mine!"
"Touche," said Aahz. "You're right, sorry" (To be continued)