Giving in to taking over
Part 1: My problem
So here is my problem. My boyfriend is immature, lazy and selfish; impossible to respect. I try. I give him control of our finances and I respect him and speak about him highly in public but he seems to be utterly incapable of adopting a "manly" disposition. If I ask him to get me food or do chores around the house he whines like a child causing me to reprimand him as if I were his mother. He does not act professionally at work either. With my reputation I have acquired for him a job but if it were not for my always checking up on him he would have lost it a long time ago. It would not be so bad if he was at least masculine in bed but he never lasts for more than a few minutes and even then he cannot have his dick in me most of the time because of his lack of self-control. Aside from this he is always jacking off, several times a day. This gets so bad that most of the time he cannot even muster up the desire to fuck me. My friends are a constant reminder. While they are telling stories about their men fucking them mercilessly until they cannot cum anymore, I am forced to tell stories about how my "man" had to pull out violently after three thrusts in order to avoid cumming inside of me.
Recently this took a turn for worst when I came to the realization that he secretly, possible unbeknownst to himself, likes to be feminine. This was the worst feeling I have had in a while. I have always, and have expressed to him, wanted a dominant and masculine man and we both had the understanding. Apparently he lied to me. Maybe he did not know.
I believe this because I watch him check out other girls and it is so weird. He does not comment on how he wants to dominate them or fuck them or get something from them. He talks about their clothes. He talks about what is cute and what looks bad. He is hypercritical of girls in a way that seems as if he is a snotty girl commenting on someone without fashion sense. He "advises" me on what to wear and how to be sexy. He wants to teach me how to wear heels. More telling than this is his preferred porn. I check his history and he is always watching porn without guys. Isn't the whole point of watching porn to imagine yourself as the actor? Instead he simply wants to look at girls in sexy clothing and jack off. He does not want to cum! He simply wants to jack off and be horny. He collects pictures of girls in panties and watches them in a slideshow.
I think he imagines himself as the girl. He wants to be pretty! He wants to be cute! He wants to be used by another because he is too lazy and self-centered to want to make someone else feel good. So I have decided that I am not going to leave him. Instead I think that I will give him what he wants. If he wants to be a bitch and have life handed to him I'll let him. If he wants to trade his freedom for service to me I'll let him. If he wants to idolize me and allow him to degrade him I'll let him!
After all, who doesn't want a slave? I mean to ask whether or not there is a point to denying myself a fully obedient and willing pet. I think I can enjoy sacrificing masculinity for servitude.