Though Mason Alexander now sat staring into the shadows of his dark apartment, his heart heavy with grief and remorse, he still could not help but feel the slightest bit of pride at his resolve. It was true, he'd lost control as he'd recognized Aidan's reaction at his admitting having feelings for him. But despite having sobbed in humiliation Mason had managed to pull himself together, regain control of his mind and faculties, and had managed to calmly and rationally discuss the situation with Aidan. And as if this had not been enough, he'd managed to lie to Aidan (albeit not with words so much as facial expressions and body language) and drive away, leaving a stunned Aidan convinced that he'd taken the rejection much better than was actually true.
Mason knew he should've felt guilty for deceiving Aidan into believing he'd taken the whole matter in stride. But though he was ashamed to admit it, there was some tiny bit of him that took great pride in the idea of having dealt Aidan's ego a blow, the idea that, though Mason had been humiliated to admit his feelings for Aidan, he'd still been able to walk away of his own choosing, without looking like a love-sick teenager. But though he'd forced that smile onto his face as he'd stepped into his car, as if to say "I'm fine, really," and waved to Aidan as he'd driven away the all-too-real truth was that he'd only held his resolve long enough to round the first curve in the road. It was nothing short of a miracle that he'd made his way safely home without blearily weeping and sobbing his way into a head-on crash.
He wasn't sure how long he'd spent on the sofa. When the soul hurts time has a funny way of playing dirty tricks on the mind, at times seeming to drag out every excruciating second, at others seeming to somehow skip whole hours or days of consciousness. He'd not bothered to look at the clock. What did it matter? He knew he'd lain on the sofa long enough for his back to ache, and at some point he'd awoken from a restless sleep. His rational mind reminded him that he had a hot shower and a much softer bed mere steps away. But the half-empty bottle of Scotch that sat on the coffee table seemed to convince him otherwise. What was the point of moving anyway? Moving was a risk, especially being drunk as he was. Moving from the safety of the sofa to attempt walking was too risky. Didn't the memories that kept replaying in his head prove just how risks truly paid off in life? Whoever had come up with the old idea of "great risks bring great results" was full of shit! Just look where his risk of a lifetime had gotten him!
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Betty Jo McManus had dialed half the digits of her son's cell number before thinking better of it and replacing the receiver. She'd not slept well the night before. After he'd returned from his stint in the Middle East she'd grown accustomed to Aidan calling every night, just before bedtime. It was silly, especially as her 25 year old son now towered over her like a massive tree. But it was their silly tradition, and one that brought her much joy. The silent phone last night had brought her more than a bit of worry. If there was one thing in this world the military had instilled in Aidan it was reliability. You could count on Aidan to be on time, every time, all the time. It wasn't like him to disappear. It was true, Aidan didn't need her to hold his hand throughout life any more. But she was still his mother!
She'd started to simply take a drive over to the apartment building Aidan and Mason lived in and check on her son in person. But were she to be honest with herself, though she'd given Mason her blessing to approach Aidan about his feelings, she was more than a little nervous at what she might prospectively interrupt! She didn't think Aidan would be that quick to "jump ship," but she'd watched enough HBO to see how these things work! So fearing the idea of barging into an apartment of half-naked young men, doing God-only-knew-what to each other, one of them being her son, she'd opted for option number two; pace the floor and wait for when she was given the news. But this was proving one of the most difficult tasks she'd taken upon herself in some time.
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The sound of the rain pounding onto the vinyl top of Aidan's car woke him from an uneasy sleep. A small trickle of water had found its way through the crack in the vinyl convertible top and was steadily dripping onto his shoulder. Shit! As if the day couldn't get any better! Now he'd spent the night out here, the Mustang was gonna be ruined in this rain! Of course it had to happen like this! His dad's 1967 Mustang GT. His dad's and his own pride and joy, the only fucking thing he had left of his father, would have to pay the price for his stupidity in this deluge!
He hadn't been able to bring himself to face the apartment building, not when he knew that just two floors above him his best friend would probably be grieving for what he'd believed might've had a chance between them. So coward that he was, Aidan had simply slouched into the driver's seat of his car and spent the night staring out from the Parkway pull-off into the vast sky above the valley below. He didn't know when he'd gone to sleep. Hell, he didn't know how he'd gone to sleep! He'd shed more than a few tears himself last night. Looking Mason Montgomery Alexander in the eyes and telling him that he didn't love him had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.
Had he been given the choice, Aidan would've gladly gone back to being shot at in Iraq before having to reject Mason as he'd had to do yesterday. He'd seen the hurt in Mason's eyes. Mason had smiled and waved as he'd driven away. But Aidan knew the truth. They hadn't been friends for almost twenty years for Aidan to be so dense as to believe Mason was actually okay with this whole thing. No one is ever okay with rejection! And to make matters worse, how the hell could rejection from someone's best friend not be anything less than emotional torture? But Aidan had let Mason walk away. He'd tried to be gracious enough to at least allow Mason to keep that much dignity. It was clear Mason had been humiliated beyond words. Whether he knew the truth or not, Mason deserved the dignity of believing he'd made the choice to walk away.
Aidan's head throbbed as the rebuilt engine in the Mustang ignited. He had to talk to his mom. She'd know what to do about this.
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Betty Jo heard the Mustang coming long before she saw Aidan drive up. How she despised that car! It was a terrible thing to say, because Aidan treasured it. When his good-for-nothing excuse of a father had left for Oregon or wherever it was he'd gone he'd left his '67 Mustang to Aidan. Aidan knew the truth about his father's philandering. In fact it had been Aidan who'd discovered his father and whichever of the countless strumpets it had been that night and confronted him. How her heart had bled for Aidan that night! When her massive 18 year old had crushed her in an embrace of despair and heartbreak, having realized the truth behind the countless missed ball games and school events, she'd wanted to take the small pistol she kept in her purse and shoot Bradley McManus where he stood! Yet despite his seemingly having written his father out of his life permanently the Mustang had remained.
She knew something was wrong. Aidan never drove that godforsaken car out in weather like this! And the forceful pounding on the door only confirmed her suspicions. She had to stifle a gasp as she flung the door open to greet her son. "Aidan! Oh my word, son, you look terrible!" The assessment wasn't an exaggeration. Aidan eyes were dark and his hair rumpled. He never stepped out of the house without keeping enough gel plastered in his sandy hair ("for that messy look") to walk through a hurricane! She waited for the characteristic sarcastic response from her son that was their way. But today no playful insult was returned to her, only a clouded look and deadly serious words. "I need to talk to you about something."
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Aidan made his was over to the worn sofa that had sat in his mother's living room for most of his life. He needed the comfort of familiarity as he dealt with this. His mother followed and sat next to him, pulling his large hands into her own. "Aidan what's going on?"
How did he begin? How did he even breach this subject? Admitting to your mother that your best friend had told you they were in love with you wasn't the most comfortable topic of conversation! But Aidan had not been Betty Jo McManus' only child and source of joy for naught. "Son whatever's going on, just tell me. I can tell something's upset you."
"I......I had a talk with Mason yesterday." It struck Aidan as strange as his mother stifled a small gasp at his mentioning Mason. Had Mason already been by here to tell her? "We uh.....well, he......he told me he was........in love with me."
Suddenly Betty Jo McManus' entire 60 years seemed to be displayed across her face. Her normally expressive round face clouded and fell as she stared into her son's eyes and heaved a great sigh. "And you told him you didn't love him back?" Aidan couldn't explain why, but a red-hot shame suddenly flushed within him. "I.......I told him I didn't love him in that way. He know's I love him. We're like brothers. But.....well, my god Mom, this is Mason!" "I know son........that's why I told him he should talk to you."
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Had Betty Jo not been filled with dread at the explosion she knew was imminent as her son realized what she'd just admitted the flash of half a dozen emotions that crossed his face in an instant would've been humorous. But knowing Aidan as she did "funny" would've been the last word she would've chosen at that moment to apply to the situation. Aidan was angry, no, judging by the expression he now wore as he leapt to his feet, Aidan was furious.
"What do you mean `you told him?' He didn't say anything about you." If she survived the oncoming storm with Aidan, Betty made a mental note to hug Mason with all her might for attempting to spare her own relationship with Aidan. Bless him! He would be that considerate. But her gratitude would have to wait. Right now it was clear by the murderous look of comprehension that was dawning on Aidan's face that she had a more pressing issue. So mustering her courage to face the impending row she could see simmering just below the surface with Aidan Betty met her son's eyes defiantly. If he was going to be furious with her, he might as well hear the whole story!
"I meant just what I said; I told Mason to talk to you about how he felt. I've known for years that he felt something more for you than just friendship. He'd acted strangely for several months; he hardly had two extra words to say. And shy as he may've been around strangers, I've not spent twenty years listening to you two constantly laughing and joking for nothing. I knew something was eating at him, so I asked him. He admitted the truth to me, and I told him that, before it became too late, he should talk to you about the situation."
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Aidan felt himself shake with rage. How dare she? His own mother! He attempted to keep his voice under control, but could not hide the strain or tremor that boiled from his white-hot fury. "I cannot believe you've gone behind my back and spoken with him about this. How could you? How could you do this to either of us?! I can't believe after all this time Meagan and I've been together, not to mention all the other girls I've dated through the years, you would go and pull some idiotic, some.......some stupid stunt like this! This is............this is fucked up!"
He'd hurt his mother. He saw it flash in her eyes. Yet cruel as his words had been, Betty Jo recovered her composure. And when she spoke her voice was forcibly soft and calm. "Aidan you and I have had this discussion before; I will not tolerate language like that in this house." Aidan's protests were cut short by his mother's upheld hand. "No! We'll not discuss that particular issue any further! Now as to this with Mason; you should consider yourself lucky to have someone like him who would be so interested in you. It's clear he practically worships you!......" She drew a ragged breath before continuing, her eyes boring directly into his.
"Aidan I want you to take a second and think about what I'm going to ask you. Can you honestly stand there and tell me you've never seen the signs of how Mason might feel about you? Can you honestly say you've never seen the way he looks at you? Can you say you've never considered how he can suddenly rearrange everything on his schedule, just because you're in the mood to catch a movie or a football game together? Have you never stopped to consider how, being such a lovely young man with a huge heart, he's hardly ever had any relationships of his own, how they never seem to work out? Don't you think these things could, just perhaps, point to his having feelings for one person.........for you?"
Try as he might Aidan couldn't stop his anger temporarily deflating. He knew everything his mother had spoken was true. He wasn't an idiot. He'd seen it, he'd realized it all. Hell, he'd even thought about confronting Mason about it himself! "Mother I know you meant well. I'm sure you thought you were doing something for Mason and myself, but I'm getting married tomorrow! I'm going to marry Meagan. She's......." "Aidan I've never been one to pry into your love life before now, but Meagan's a bitch."
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Betty Jo wasn't sure which gasped louder, she or her son. She'd never used language like that before in her life! She'd spent the last ten years berating Mason and her son for occasionally using foul language. And now..........
"Son.......I'm......I'm so very sorry. I don't know what I......I can't believe I...." Aidan's face had grown stony and cold. His voice was quite, almost a whisper. "I'm glad to see I'm not the only one surprised by your colorful description of my fiancé. So does the cursing reprimand thing only work toward Mason and myself? No matter. At least you've been honest with me. I'm glad to at least know where you stand on the issue. But tell me, if Meagan and I were only sleeping together would you feel differently?" "Son I don't like to hear..." Try as he might to retain control, Aidan couldn't restrain his voice from rising to a shout. "Or perhaps you would feel better about it if Mason and I really could become some kind of item. Perhaps if I was fucking him instead of a girl, Mason wouldn't be a bitch!" "Son!" "Let's see, what colorful word can we use for him instead? Bastard perhaps? No? Perhaps you could call him a little queer......" But whatever other description Aidan might've used to inflict pain on his mother was cut short by the resounding "SLAP" the echoed through the room and stinging pain he felt across his cheek.
Some small part of Betty Jo's mind told her she should be horrified at having just struck her son. She'd hardly ever had to discipline him at all, let alone to slap him through the face! Yet sorrowful as she was she still shook with a rage that brought tears to her eyes and caused her every syllable to shake.
"Go ahead, think me a hypocrite! Perhaps I am. I've never used language like that before in my life, and for what it's worth, I have no intention of ever doing so again. I feel horrible about it.......But if you want the truth, then yes, I utterly despise your `fiance!' She's the most rude, vile woman I've ever met, not least of all because of how she's treated your best friend! If you've not seen that by now then you are as big a fool as your father! It's your business if you want to ruin your life by marrying her. But I cannot condone it, and I will not stand here and listen to you insult the one person on this earth who truly loves you as much as I do. If you don't love Mason beyond your friendship, fine. But you will not belittle him just to hurt me! It was I who told him to approach you with the truth of how he felt about you, and it will be I who bares the consequences of that decision! If you want to hate me for what I've done, go ahead! I never dreamed I'd be condoning my son to think of a homosexual relationship, but compared to that sneering, despicable little bimbo you're gonna stand next to tomorrow I'll take Mason, or any other boy for that matter, any time!"
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