Disclaimer: Inspired by true events, but fiction nonetheless Rating: PG-13 (this is monumental in the world of Aphrodite's writings) for homosexual themes Summary: Justin says good-bye... Author's Notes: Buy Justin's new album, "FutureSex/LoveSounds". Best deal on the net is BestBuy.com where you can get the album for $9.99 plus free shipping. This story was written four years ago when Justin first went solo in response to the negativity surrounding his decision to take a break from 'Nsync. Not sure if I got around to posting this when I had completed the story, but with Lance coming out and Justin's new 'please whip me if i misbehave' sexy single, my addiction to slash has returned with a passion. Affiliations: Little Boy Blue at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Little_Boy_Blue/ for Justin Timberlake Slash Angst ; NSAngst at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NSAngst/ for Nsync Angst; Ndecent Pleasures at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ndecent_pleasures/ Nsync naughty fics. Feedback: Yes, please. For feedback whores, feedback is the fuel that feeds the fire.
Good Bye is Not Forever
He had been contemplating with the idea for awhile now- ever since he was a little boy to be more exact. He had always wanted to soar to the sky to touch the stars. Although being a part of *Nsync was the greatest thing that had happened to him in his young life, he was not *Nsync and *Nsync was not him. He was Justin Timberlake.
He adored the guys. Chris, Joey, Lance, and JC were his best friends. God. Josh was more than his best friend. He would never do anything to compromise his relationships with the guys. No. He would anything for the guys, but he had to do this. He had to this. Not for Chris. Not for Joey. Not for Lance. Not even for JC. He had to do this for Justin.
He had always put others in front of him. He had always sacrificed so much of himself for the sake of others. It was he who Fat Bastard exploited on pages of magazines in poses no fourteen year old should do in just his underwear, in provocative videos no fifteen year old should be forced to lie suggestively on a bed with a woman twice his age. It was he who the media raped time and time, again, tearing him to pieces at every opportunity. It was he who was the first to arrive at the studio and the last to leave practice because as his mother had raised him, he had to be perfect in every sense. He deserved this. Damnit, he worked for it. He deserved this.
So he came to each of them individually one night in late May. He came to Lance first because Lance was the logical one of the group. He would understand him completely after all Lance was in all respect a businessman. Singing was just his pastime. Business was what he excelled in.
"Hi, Lance."
"Oh, hi, Justin." Lance looked up from his laptop. "Come inside. Don't just stand at the doorway."
"Okay."
He took a seat across from Lance, who had since turned off his laptop.
"What can I do for you?"
"You sound just like Johnny."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No. Not all. It's very good." He smiled. His gaze fell on his sneakers under the table and soon he began to fidget with his fingers. How in the world was he going to say this? To his friend. Lance immediately detected Justin's angst and he leaned forward, taking his younger friend's hand in his. "What's up, Justin?"
"Lance, I..."
"What, Justin? What is it?"
"Lance, I want to make an album." A moment of silence passed before Justin quickly added, "by myself."
Lance didn't react right away. He just sat still and then a wide grin spread across his features. He leaned back against his chair.
"I knew it! I knew something was bothering you, but I wasn't sure what it was. You seemed depressed. I thought it was because Britney had cheated on you, but you never intended on marrying her and growing old with her. I knew that it wasn't her. Even though Joey insisted it was her. So, this has been bothering you. How? You want to make an album. So what?"
"I just feel awful. Selfish almost. I shouldn't be leaving you guys behind."
"And if we chained you to us, it would be selfish of us to not let you go." Lance reasoned. "Don't feel bad. You're only doing what you think it's best for you. Ever since I've met you, you've always done everything for us. It's your turn to look out for yourself."
"I just think with you going to Russia to train for the space mission it would be a good time for me to try this. I wouldn't-"
"Shh..." Lance placed two fingers over Justin's quivering lips.
"I'm sorry." Justin cried.
"Don't be. Justin, you haven't done anything wrong. When I arrived, you were the first to befriend me. You were the first to make me feel welcomed even though I never liked being called Lansten." Lance shook his head, laughing a little, reminiscing over the fond memories of the past. "You're my best friend and I'll stand by you always."
"Thanks." Justin smiled, getting up to leave the room when Lance halted his exit.
"Hey, Just. If I happen to fall short on money for my mission, you'd lend me the money, won't you?"
"Of course."
"Alright. Then I'm all for you going solo. Best of luck, Justin."
"Thanks, Lance. I love you."
"Love you, too."
Justin breathed in and out. He finally took the first crucial step in going solo. He announced it. He couldn't stop now. He had to move forward. He had told someone his plans. Granted it was Lance, who he didn't expect to object to his plans, but it was still someone nonetheless, which was one less person he had yet to tell.
Next was Joey. He walked in on Joey masturbating to yet another porn movie. But at least he hadn't walked in on Joey fuckin' some random chick. That was the first time Justin was exposed to sex was when he had walked in on Joey having sex with some woman they met backstage during a concert in Germany. That was also the first time Justin realized that he was interested in dicks as much as he was in pussy.
"Hey, kid."
Justin pouted.
"Sorry, man." Joey got up and zipped up his jeans. "Just seeing your jaw drop like that reminded me of that one night in Germany. I thought you were going to go crying to mommy then. You were a kid then. Only 14. Remember, Justin?" Joey handed Justin an ice-cold beer.
"Yeah." Justin murmured, taking the can of beer in his hand.
"What's up, man?"
"Umm..." Justin slid down on the couch next to Joey who refocused his attention on the lesbian porno. "I know you're going to hate me for this, but I have to tell you something. Um...Joey, I've decided to make a solo album this year while Lance is gone for training."
Suddenly, the screen turned black. And Justin braced himself for Joey's assault, but there was none.
"You're not upset?"
"Upset? No. Just thinking about how I am going to attract the chicks without you handcuffed to me."
"I thought you always, I don't know, despised me for always being, I don't know, the center of attention."
"Despise you? Justin, I can never despise you."
"But your comments about the Gwen comparison."
"Yeah. I know. I admit that sometimes I get a little jealous of all the attention you get, but look at you. You deserve it. You are clearly the most aesthetically pleasing of all of us." Joey smiled. "Besides, we've been riding high because of what you and JC have done. I'm just going along for the ride."
"You're just as much a part of *Nsync as any of us." Justin argued.
"You're a good kid, Justin." Joey said. "Go do this album and kick some ass."
"Thanks, Joey. It means a lot to me that you guys support me."
"All the way- best friends to the end."
Justin returned Joey's smile and got up to leave when Joey grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.
"One last thing, Justin."
"Yes."
And with that, Joey leaned in to plant a soft kiss on Justin's lips- his tongue snaked out to taste Justin's sugar coated lips, to suck delicately on his lower lip. When he pulled away, he took a sip of cold draft beer.
"I knew they would be soft." Joey smiled. "When you walked in on us that night and just stood there with that huge boner, I wanted to so much to just pull you in. I wanted so much to just take you in my strong arms and fuck you, but like I said, you were just a kid then. Unlike some people, I wouldn't want Lynn to come after me with a scalpel to castrate me." Joey smiled, again. "You take care of yourself now. You won't have us anymore to keep you safe."
"I will." Justin opened the door to leave, but then he quickly whipped around and ran toward Joey, wrapping his arms around his best friend's waist. "I love you, Joey. I'm going to miss your teddy bear hug so much."
"You'll always have them. Just call."
"Thanks, Joey."
"Anything for baby."
And Justin smiled.
He closed the door behind him and continued his trek toward Chris's room when Chris jumped out of nowhere and scared the living shit out of him.
"Scared you." Chris laughed hysterically and when Justin didn't join him in laughter, Chris stopped and looked concerned.
"You're not laughing."
"I have something serious to tell you."
"Okay. Shoot."
"I have been contemplating for a while now."
"Wait!" Chris interrupted. "Justin Timberlake thinks?"
"Funny, Chris. Can I finish now? I have something serious to talk to you about and now you have just trivialized the seriousness of this topic."
"Jeez, you're scaring me now. What is it?"
"Chris, I want to go solo."
Chris breathed in deeply as he sank onto the floor, leaning against the wall.
"Chris."
"Come here." Chris ushered the boy to join him. "I knew this day would come sooner or later and I've prepared for this moment since the first day I met you. I knew from the first day I met you that you will excel beyond expectations. I guess that's why I selected you of all the people I met that day. I guess that's why I approached you and practically begged you to help me make my dreams a reality. Your talent blew me away and to think you were only 14 then and now look at you. I've stood by and watched with great awe and pride as you took charge of the creative process with our last album and created music I was even skeptical we could make. Without you, Justin, we wouldn't be able to survive the downfall of pop. Heck, without you, we wouldn't be able to sell one album much less sell out concert venues."
"I hate myself for wanting to do this alone because I love you guys so much." Justin murmured. "But I have to do this. Now. If I don't do this now, I'll always hate myself for not trying. Please know that I'm not doing this because I don't love you guys anymore and that I don't want to be a part of *Nsync anymore. I'm doing this because..."
"Do it. Do it, Justin. I would hate you if you didn't. I hate to tell you this, kiddo, but sooner or later, like all good things, *Nsync will end. And I'd hate myself if I held you back and prevented you from soaring as far as your wings would allow."
"I promise I'll record another-"
"Shh...No promises, Justin. You owe nothing to me, to us. You owe everything to yourself. Do what Justin wants to do. Not what we want you to do. If you ask me, I'd say, no. Don't go solo because I know you're going to make it. And make it big. And you'll leave us all behind."
"I won't, I promise."
"No promises."
"You won't hate me?" Justin looked up with tears brimming in his eyes.
"How could anyone hate an angel?" Chris responded. "Have you told JC yet?"
"No. Not yet."
"Here's your chance."
Justin looked up to find JC standing in the hallway, his arms stretched to the walls, looking stunning as usual. Justin gulped and approached JC. He walked past him, whispering, "I need to talk to you. Alone." He added, leading the way to elevator and down to the first floor, where JC soon joined him.
They strolled outside. Not a single word escaped their lips. And when Justin sneezed, JC stopped walking and turned around.
"It's cold out here."
"Yeah."
"Let's get in the car instead."
"But-"
"It's not very far. You stay here and I'll go get it from the garage. I don't want you to get sick." JC smiled and skipped away.
Justin lowered himself onto ground and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't help, but shed some tears. Thus far, it had been a breeze, but how in the world was he going to break the news to JC? His Josh.
The headlights streamed across the slick road. It had already started to sprinkle and when Justin lifted his head, the raindrops washed away his tears.
"Get inside before you get sick." JC opened the door and stretched across, waving Justin inside.
Justin's eyes scanned the desolate street. The last thing he needed was some paparazzi photographing him getting into a dark car with a man, even though that man was JC.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" JC asked, turning up the heater so Justin would stop shivering. He pulled away from the hotel and drove down the street.
"Josh, I've been thinking a lot lately." Justin began. His fingers already were fidgeting. "I want to take a break."
"Take a break!" JC shrieked. "Of course. I know of a great getaway place down some remote island off the Bahamas. Just say so, and I'll get us on board the next flight down."
"No. Josh, I want to take a break." Justin repeated. "From *Nsync."
"Oh." JC sighed deeply, turning the corner into a dark alley. "How long of a break?"
"I don't know. Maybe half a year or something."
"That long?"
"You didn't object to Lance taking 8 months off to train for space."
"Lance is not you." JC mumbled. "What are you going to do during this hiatus?"
"I want to record a solo album."
"So this is good-bye then?"
"Josh, you don't want me to do this?" Justin asked through quivering lips. Why is he making it so hard?
JC shook his head no and Justin turned around to stare out the window blankly, his tears blurring all the images before him. Just as the raindrops continued to fall, so did his tears. If Josh said no, he couldn't possibly do this album, not without his blessings.
"Justin." JC reached forward to grasp Justin's chin in his hand, bringing his face towards him. His fingers climbed up along Justin's well-defined face to brush away the tears that had fallen down. He leaned into the boy and captured his lips in his, swallowing what tears had continued to fall. When he pulled away finally, he said, "Call me selfish, but I want to love you forever."
"We can still love each other."
JC shook his head.
"Why not? I love you. And you love me. Why can't we still be together?"
"Justin, I know you're a smart kid, so I guess you're being naïve then. You walk away now, we might as we well say good-bye forever. I know you. I know you, Justin, like the back of my hand. When was the last time we spent time apart longer than one month?"
Justin couldn't answer.
"When you spend this much time together, you can't help but fall in love. And now that we're parting, are you that naïve to think that our love won't drift away like our lives? I'll save you the trouble in finishing this tale. This is how the story goes. You won't be spending everyday by my side. You'll be surrounded by new people, new friends. You'll get too busy to return phone calls. And then one day, as we pass each other by, you won't even notice me. We only got together because I wanted you and you needed me. Face it, Justin, good-bye is forever."
"Then I don't want to say good-bye. No more good-byes." Justin cried, latching onto JC. "I love you, Josh. I love you. How can you doubt my love for you after all these years?"
"Because I've been doubting mine for you." JC whispered and Justin looked up. His teary blue eyes locked with JC's crystal clear eyes. "Whenever I see you, I fall in love with you all over, again, but when we're apart, I have to admit that I really don't miss your presence. Your presence captivates all that surround you, but without you feeding the flame inside of me, I'm afraid there won't be anything left. This is not to say that I don't love you, Justin, because I do. God knows I'd give my life to see that you have yours. But this isn't a movie. This is life, Justin. And in real life, love requires work. I can't commit this much time and effort to loving you from afar and not get rewarded because you're halfway around the world." JC sighed deeply, willing his tears away. He stretched his body toward Justin to cradle the boy's head in his hands to kiss him lovingly on the lips, to savor this one last kiss, to forever remember this kiss. "Good-bye, Justin."
"Good-bye." Justin whispered back.
When he opened his eyes and Josh was long gone and he couldn't help but cry out loud because everything Josh had said was true. Everything. Except...
"Good-bye is not forever. If you don't want it be, Josh."