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This story is a work of FICTION. While actual people and/or events may inspire some characters and situations, no implications are intended or should be drawn. Any similarities to actual events or persons are strictly coincidental.
THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTS BETWEEN TWO ADULT MALES. IT IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY! IF YOU FIND THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL OFFENSIVE, IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, OR UNDER THE LEGAL AGE TO VIEW SUCH MATERIAL THEN PLEASE READ NO FURTHER.
Copyright 2007-2009 All original material contained here within is copyrighted by the author, Cameron Maxx, and may not be reproduced in any form without express written consent. The Nifty Archive is granted a non-exclusive, worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, and non-cancelable license to display this work.
PLEASE NOTE: Feedback, both positive and negative, is welcomed and greatly appreciated. Abusive correspondence or flames of any kind will, of course, be strictly ignored - cameron.maxx@gmail.com
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INTRODUCTION
Well, here it is, chapter 11. The bad news? It took a little longer to get it posted than I thought it would. The good news? The next chapter is already well under way and was, in fact, originally part of this chapter. As I kept typing and typing I realized I was on my way to another 60+ KB chapter and decided, instead of making you wait any longer, to break it up into two chapters.
On a more personal note, thanks to everyone who's taken the time to contact me about the story or to offer your kind and supportive words as I continue my recovery from foot surgery. It means a lot and I hope you all continue to enjoy the story as Josh and Alex continue on their journey.
-Cameron
CHAPTER 11
"I was wondering when you were going to bring this up," he replied.
"Well, don't you think there are a few things we should discuss before they get here?"
"Like what?"
I took a deep breath, trying not to get impatient with his usual unwillingness to divulge too much. "For example, does your mom know anything about what's happened between us over the last few weeks?"
"No," he replied calmly, not offering any further explanation.
"Okay," I said. "And, does she know about your dating history? Anything at all about the girls or the boys?"
"We've never talked about it specifically." I wasn't surprised to hear that. "But, I think she has her ideas and I'm sure Cadee's told her something because she never shuts up."
"So, you've talked to Cadee about it?"
"Yeah," he said as though I should have known that without even asking. "She met Leah and Justin both several times."
"And?"
"And, she was fine with it all. She just called me a whore." I laughed despite myself. That sounded exactly like the outspoken, totally self-assured Cadee I remembered. "What are you laughing at?" he demanded. "I'm not a whore."
"No, Josh you're not a whore, that's for sure," I said. "Whores get paid for their sex. So, technically, that would make you more of a slut."
Wicked fast, he reached down and behind himself, grabbing my scrotum in his hand and squeezing. His fist closed down hard on my balls and pain shot up my abdomen like a hard punch in the stomach. "Ouch! Oh, oh..." I huffed and puffed, "Fuck that hurts, okay ... okay! You're not a slut!" I pleaded.
"Now, that's more like it," he said before slowly relaxing his grip. "See how much better it is when you're being nice?"
"Jesus..." I said, still breathless, my balls throbbing and aching a little. "You're an asshole."
"I'm not the one who called you a slut," he reminded me.
I refused to agree with him, so instead just waited a moment then tried to get back on topic. "Whatever. Back to the point, you think Cadee has told your mom? Why?"
"Because, I know my sister and she loves a good story. She couldn't resist a piece of juicy gossip to save her life."
"Has your mom ever said anything to you about it?"
"No, not directly. But she's made a few comments that lead me to believe that she is aware of my history. Or, at least part of it."
"And she's never seemed to have a problem with the fact that you might be sleeping with guys?"
"Not at all. You know her, Alex ... might actually prefer that I end up with a guy. She may be the only mom in the history of the world that would be upset if her son had to sit her down and come out as straight."
"Well, she's always been very cool with me, and with all things gay in general. But, it's different when it's your own kid. It can be tough for even the most liberal of parents."
"Maybe, but I really don't think it will be that way."
I thought about what he said for a few minutes and about Abbey in general, considering all our many years of friendship. "Plus, we have to consider this is you and me, not you and any other guy. Your mom sent you out here to live in my house because she trusted me to look out for you, take care of you, since she wouldn't be here to do it herself. You're 15 years younger than I am and while you've clearly made peace with that and while I am, slowly, becoming more and more comfortable with it, we just don't know what she'll think about it. I mean, it can be a lot to take in and we can't expect her to just accept it, no questions asked. That's not fair or realistic."
"Your mom seemed to accept it pretty quickly when we were in Villette."
"That's different. First, there's the fact that my mom has known I'm gay for over 16 years. So, she didn't have that to deal with. Plus, I'm her son, not you; I'm the 35-year-old one, not the 20-year-old one, in the relationship."
"Oh, so you're telling me a much younger person never takes advantage of or uses an older person in a relationship?" he countered.
"That's not what I'm saying. It's just not the way most people look at it, especially when it involves a gay male relationship and you know that."
"Maybe," he admitted. "But, we're not talking about the whole world right now, we're talking about my mom and I think she'll be fine with it."
"I hope you're right, buddy. But whether you like it or not, we're going to have to talk to her about it when she's here and we need to figure out how we're going to do that."
There was a moment of silence between us then he said, "I think Cadee and mom might already know."
"What?" I asked, a little shocked.
"Or at least, have a pretty good idea."
"Okay, please do tell me exactly what the hell you're talking about."
He sat up and rolled over, lying back down so that he was facing me now. "Cadee, well actually, both of them used to make comments ... jokes ... about you and me and how we were like a couple and they were stuck between us."
I suspected I knew what he was talking about, but decided to let him finish. "Go on," I said.
"You know, how for a few years after you left Austin, I didn't really talk to you that much?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it was because I was pissed at you for leaving. I wasn't really aware of it at the time, but I felt like you'd left me. Not Austin. Not your life there, but me. I know now that it's dumb and really selfish of me, but that's the way I felt. So, I was mad at you and didn't want to talk to you, but still hated not talking to you. Whenever you'd call, I'd always ask about you afterwards; I couldn't help it. I'd have a thousand questions for mom or Cadee, whichever one you'd talked to. Eventually Cadee started making jokes about you ... calling you my boyfriend and saying we were fighting and not speaking ... it was annoying, but I guess it must have kind of felt like that to them. I'd ask mom to tell you something for me and sooner or later, she asked me why I couldn't just talk to you myself. She never really pushed me on it, but I think she knew on some level there was some truth in what Cadee was teasing me about."
His words made my heart ache. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch him there, so close to me now on the bed. "I missed you so much all those years," I said quietly.
His face broke into a huge grin and he rolled his eyes. "You're SO GAY!"
I laughed; he was such a smartass. "Apparently, I'm not the only one who was missing someone," I shot back at him.
He smiled again, then got a serious look on his face before moving forward and kissing me softly on the cheek. Holding close, so that his lips were just above my ear, he whispered, "I missed you in ways I can't even explain to myself, much less to you."
He laid back, his face still very serious and his eyes focused on mine. I wasn't sure what to say at that moment. I decided, in true Josh fashion, to be a smartass. "My god, I can see your vagina from here."
He cracked up, a deep and hearty laugh. I laughed, too. "I hate you so much sometimes," he said but was still laughing.
After the laughter had passed and we were both quiet for a moment, he said, "I think you should take Cadee somewhere and talk to her and I'll talk to my mom on my own."
"I'm not so sure about that, Josh. I was actually thinking it should be me who talks to Abbey first."
"Why?"
"Well, because I want her to hear it from me, to know that I'm being upfront with her. I don't want her to think I'm ashamed of what's happened or that I'm trying to dodge some sort of responsibility."
"Alex, I'm legal. Remember? You didn't do anything illegal or shameful."
"I know, but still. The point remains that you're here in my keeping and - I don't know - maybe we should at least talk to her together?"
"No," he said firmly. I could tell by the tone of his voice and the tight line of his lips that he was going to dig in on this. "She's my mom, Alex. I'm an adult and this is my decision. It just is."
I took a deep breath, the exhaled slowly. "Okay," I acquiesced. "Okay, we'll do it your way. But, if you're going to be such a responsible, demanding partner in this relationship, you should really start earning your keep around here, I think."
He cocked one eyebrow up at me and smirked, "Really?"
"Yes, really."
"I thought I was already earning my keep around here. I mean, I'm pretty sure you haven't had to jerk off too often these past few weeks and, as I recall, my mom still sends a monthly allowance to you and I both to help cover my costs."
"HA!" I guffawed loudly. "Allowance? You have no idea. I should kick your ass out on the street and let you and four or five of your friends split the rent for a shitty, one bedroom apartment. Then you'd know what earning your keep in L.A. really means."
"You'd kick me out?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Yeah, maybe ... if you get too demanding or cocky. You don't know me."
"I don't know you?"
"Maybe not as well as you think."
He licked his lips, then smacked them together and apart, making a popping sound. He reached one hand out and pushed me gently so that I was laying flat on my back. He crawled on top, his smooth chest to my hairy one, his legs straddling my crotch. "Well, I'll show you what I do know," he said and then slid slowly down my body, kissing and licking as he did. When he finally made it to my dick, it was already rock hard. He took it in his mouth and in one, sweeping dive took me in all the way to the root, my glans flaring and pressing past his tongue and into the opening of his throat.
I inhaled sharply, moaning and involuntarily thrusting my hips up, pushing into him even further. I groaned and my hands, which had made their way to his head, curled into fists, grasping his shaggy hair and forcing his face down, shoving more of my throbbing dick into his throat. He didn't gag. He didn't flinch. He opened his mouth to me and took all I could give. My arousal was wrapped in a hot, tight, drooling glove and I shuddered, afraid I'd shoot at that moment. But, he backed off before I could. He looked up at me, his eyes narrowed to a devious slit and the corners of his obscenely wet, puffy lips turned up in a knowing smile. Before I could react or say anything, he dove back down onto my hardness and proceeded to give me the blowjob to end all blowjobs. This is why oral sex was invented. This is why every man should have the pleasure of another man sucking him off at least once. I writhed and moaned, felt like my head might spin and like I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs. Where Josh had learned to do the things he was doing, I neither knew nor cared. Though I was never a particularly religious person, I knew there was something sinful and unholy about what that boy did with his lips, tongue, and throat there in my bed. But I loved every minute of that sweet blasphemy. By the time I shot a huge load, all the more amazing as I'd put a large deposit of cum into his bowels less than an hour before, over that talented tongue and into his stomach I really did think I might pass out. He continued to suck and nurse on my dick until I was completely limp then slithered himself back up my body and laid down on me, his soft cheek resting on my flushed and sweaty chest.
My hands were still shaky as I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him to me. My legs felt weak and I was sure that if I were to try and stand at that moment my knees would buckle. "Jesus Christ, Josh..." I muttered.
"Have I earned my keep?" he asked quietly.
"Yes. Holy shit, yes," I answered still mostly breathless.
"And we can play this thing with my mom and Cadee my way?"
"Yes, absolutely. No debate, no question. Any way you want, baby."
I was still trying to slow my breathing; he said nothing for a moment. "You've never call me baby before."
I chuckled, a little surprised he'd even caught that after what he'd just done to me. "I didn't think you'd mind after that last little act of yours."
"It's okay," he said. Then, "I don't think I mind, actually."
"Okay, good." Then, with Josh still on top of me and my arms around him, I drifted off to sleep more relaxed than I'd been in ages.
The next day was Monday and neither Josh nor I had classes to worry about as the holiday was so close. Thanksgiving was, of course, on Thursday. Abbey and Cadee were scheduled to arrive fairly early in the morning on Tuesday. He and I spent the day making last minute preparations and far too much time and money at the grocery store. We bought enough food to prepare a Thanksgiving feast for a small army. The fact that we were cooking for only four seemed to escape us both. I think, without really knowing it, we were trying to impress upon his mom the state of our domestic bliss by presenting her with a dinner that would redefine the very concept of gluttonous excess.
By the time we crawled, exhausted, into bed that night my place was spotless. You could eat off the concrete or hardwood floors. Either one, take your pick. Countertops had been scrubbed and buffed. Toilets were gleaming, blindingly white. Every book, term paper, or half-edited screenplay in my study was properly filed, ordered, or stuffed into the back of a drawer if nothing else. I'd always been a bit of a neat freak, so I'm not sure what exactly I was trying to prove to Abbey this time. Well, I did know. Josh did, too. Despite his reassurances that his mom would take the news well, he cleaned with a semi-manic energy that I'd never get out of him on a normal weekend. In fact, I usually had to beg or threaten him endlessly just to get him to pick his damn dirty clothes up off the floor. So, seeing him in this cleaning frenzy told me he was suffering a little more anxiety inside than he wanted to let on.
Laying now in the dark bedroom, my arm draped lazily over him, sex was the last thing on my mind. "You tired?" I asked.
"So tired," he answered immediately.
"Then it's okay if I don't send you into the usual, mind-bending sexual nirvana you've become accustomed to?"
He laughed. "If you even tried, I'd punch you."
"You don't have the energy to punch me. You couldn't fight me off even if you wanted," I teased.
"Fine," he agreed. "You're right. I'll just lay here, motionless, while you have your way with me. I'm really too tired to care. Please, just make it quick."
I considered his offer for a moment, knowing full well I was too tired to do it even if he put up no resistance at all. "Fuck it," I said finally. "I'm too tired to even try."
He laughed again. "I knew it! You didn't even want it in the first place. You just wanted me to be the first to say no."
"Joshua, I'm never too tired to get you off. I'm just being selfless."
"Alex, shut up!" he laughed again and elbowed me softly in the ribs.
"Night, Joshua."
"Good night."
My arm was still over him and I nuzzled my face into his soft, sweet smelling hair. 'I love you,' ran through my head. I considered saying it aloud. I didn't.
Tuesday morning dawned clear, cool, and sunny over Los Angeles. Though it was near the end of November, the season had been mild and beautiful even by California standards. The days were bright with highs in the mid-seventies and the evenings were crisp, hovering around the 50-degree point. The cold, grey rain that sometimes marked a Pacific Coast fall had yet to arrive. Abbey and Cadee were scheduled to touch down at LAX a little after 9:30 that morning; Josh and I were in the car and on our way about an hour before then.
Traffic was light, even as we neared the airport. When people went home for the holidays that usually meant they left the city. There was a joke that no one actually grew up in L.A. To a degree, that was true. Come Thanksgiving or Christmas the streets would often start to feel a bit deserted as the thousands who'd been lured to the sparkle and shine returned home to the Midwest or North East, looking forward to snow on the ground and logs burning and crackling in the fireplace.
Of course, since so many people were flying out of Southern California that morning, the long-term parking was filled so I paid some ridiculous fee to valet curbside at the terminal. Even after living here for years, I was still sometimes floored at the criminally insane price that was charged to have some kid park your car. Oh, well. At least it would be quick and convenient with our added passengers and their luggage.
As the valet pulled away in my car, I turned to look at Josh standing a few feet away near the automatic glass door. He looked like he might be feeling a little queasy. I smiled. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, fine." He sounded less like he was being courageous and more like he was trying really hard to summon his courage.
"Would you even tell me if you weren't?"
He shot me a glance that told me I was pushing it. "I'm fine. Will you stop asking me if I'm fine? You're stressing me out!"
"Okay," I relented, still not buying his story. "Sorry." I put my arm around his shoulders, giving him a brief, reassuring squeeze, which he accepted, then I nudged him forward and through the door.
We sat in the ceiling soaring, sun-filled lobby for about 10 or 15 minutes. I was thumbing through a magazine some previous traveler had left on the bench while Josh compulsively sent and received text messages from one person after another. The constant tapping of his fingers on the keyboard became an almost hypnotic beat in the back of my brain. When the incoming call's first ring sounded, he jerked like he'd been poked hard in the ribs and I think he almost dropped the phone.
"Hello?" he answered, pressing the phone to his ear. "Yeah, we're here." I turned to look at him, his face a mix of eager nervousness and excitement. "We're in the lobby. We can see the baggage claim from where we're sitting." He paused, listening, then, "Okay. We'll see you in a few minutes." Another pause. "Love you, too." He hung up, lowering the phone and looked at me.
"Well?" I asked.
"They're on the ground, taxing up to the gate now."
"Okay," I said and turned back to my magazine.
"Alex?"
"Yes?" I answered, but didn't look up.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Sure," still casually thumbing through the magazine.
"I'm a little nervous."
I waited a moment, not looking at him, but smiling at his admission. "I know."
There was a moment of silence, like he was waiting for me to say something. When I didn't, he finally did. "Say something."
That's when I set the periodical aside and turned towards him. I took his hand, holding it in his lap, and said, "Listen. It's okay that you're nervous. You should be; it's only normal and natural. This is kind of a big deal. Gay or straight, meeting the parents - so to speak - is a fairly serious next step. And, when you consider our specific history, your mom's and mine I mean, that just adds an extra layer of complication to the whole thing." I paused a moment, wanting to be sure he was really hearing me. "That being said, it's going to be fine. I promise you that. I don't know how your mom is going to react but one thing I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that she loves you very much. She always trusted you to make good decisions and respects you for your maturity. I know that. And I also know that, no matter what happens over the next few days, that when your mom and sister get on that plane to fly back to Texas, I'll still be here ... and you'll still be with me ... and we'll get through it together." I rubbed my thumb along the side of his hand. "Okay, Joshua?"
He nodded and smiled a quick, gracious smile. "Okay." Then, catching me a bit off guard, he leaned forward and hugged me fiercely. Before I could even raise my own arms to return the hug, he pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "Okay," he said again more firmly this time.
And that was it. Whatever storm of self-doubt that had been battering him was gone. It had passed as though it had never been. I could tell by the tone of his voice and the set of his face that his normal, easy-going confidence had returned. I was as sure of that as I was my own name.
A few minutes later Abbey and Cadee appeared, pulling their bags behind them. Josh walked quickly to them, embracing his mom first and then his sister. I went a bit slower, lagging behind to allow the family their greetings.
Abbey turned to me and smiled. She looked much as I remembered her, but with a few more years of life resting easily and with a certain pleasurable softness on her face. Her big, white teeth were prominent as always and, like Josh, because of the mixed blood that served as her heritage her skin was a darker color than mine. It was though she'd never missed a day in the California sun. Her hair was longer and a bit darker than when I'd last seen her, but there was no denying that she was still a blonde by birth.
"Hi, there friend," I said and returned the smile.
"Alex," she said and opened her arms to me. I bent to hug her short frame and she wrapped her arms around me tightly before patting me on the back a couple of times. I stood up straight again, meeting her gaze. "Alex, Alex, Alex," she said.
"Abbey..."
"You know, Texas hasn't been quite the same without you."
I laughed. "I can only imagine," I replied before turning to Cadee who stood beside her brother, watching Abbey and me.
"Cadee?" I asked.
"It's me!"
"Holy, shit. I can't believe it - you look absolutely amazing," I said. And she did. It was like looking at some biological hybrid of her mom and Josh. The shared family genes were striking. Almost as tall as her brother, perhaps only not so because of his sneakers compared to her thin sandals, her own rich honey hair was longer than his but not as long as Abbey's. She shared their rich, creamy skin tone, ever so slightly too-broad-for-their-face nose, and big, white teeth. Her body seemed to be the female version of her sibling's, naturally toned and fit, but with a curvy softness that made her movements at once easy and inviting but also graceful and seductive. She was every bit the beauty that her brother was. "I mean, really," I continued, "You look fantastic."
"Awww..." she broke into a huge grin. "Thank you!" she said before grabbing me and giving me a big hug.
While we were still hugging, I turned to Abbey and said, "You sure did manage to squeeze out two good looking kids, you know that?"
She laughed again. "Yeah, they didn't turn out too bad, did they?"
"No, not too bad at all," I agreed. "I feel totally out of place standing here with this family. You are all far too good looking for me!"
"Yeah, well," Cadee said, letting go of me, "The beautiful people need someone to carry our bags for us so let's get going."
"Cadee!" both Abbey and Josh exclaimed at almost the same time.
But I just chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Still the sarcastic little bitch, I see."
"Always, dude" she shot back and punched my shoulder. "Now, seriously enough with the hugging and kissing bullshit. Can we get going? I'm starving!"
Abbey shot me an exasperated look and shook her head. "I swear this one eats more than her brother ever did in high school! Can you believe it? She's literally always hungry."
"And sounds like she's got quite the potty mouth on her, too," I remarked.
Josh piped up then. "I wonder where she could have ever gotten that from?"
"Oh, don't even try to blame that on me," I said turning to him. "I mean, your mother's been around her for a lot more years than me. Plus, if I was the bad influence here, shouldn't you be cussing like a sailor, too?"
"Yes, but unlike her," he said throwing a thumb in Cadee's direction, "I take after my sweet, quiet, classy mother." Then he wrapped one arm around his mom's shoulders and planted a quick kiss on her cheek.
Abbey beamed. "Oh, I do love my first born very, very much."
Cadee and I looked at each other, looks of mutual disgust on our faces. "Jesus..." she muttered.
"I'm with you," I said. "It's getting pretty fucking thick in here."
"Yeah, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit."
I laughed, then grabbed her bag from her. "C'mon, sister. Let's get going before they start making out or something."
We took off, Josh and Abbey behind us, his arm still draped over her shoulder. "I'm not ashamed," she called after us. "I love my dear, baby boy and I'm not ashamed." I glanced at Cadee and she shook her head. Neither of us looked back but instead kept walking, heading for the valet station on the other side of the glass door.
From the airport we took I-105 east and then headed up the 110 towards downtown and the USC campus just beyond. Josh and I had decided we wanted to go to Pete's Cafe on Main Street for lunch that day. It was one of our favorite casual dining places and figured it was a perfect first California meal for his mom and sister.
We enjoyed a nice, long lunch sitting and talking for over two hours. There was a lot of laughing and catching up to be done and it happened easily. Though we'd been separated by thousands of miles for years, it was almost like we'd never lived apart. Cadee had grown into a charming, funny, irreverent spitfire and she and I ganged up on her brother more than once. I really liked her company and we always seemed to be on the same sarcastic, cynical page. It was just a question of which one of us got there first. As for Abbey, she was still the same person I'd fallen for all that time ago in Austin. I was reminded instantly why she and I had clicked so well as friends and I had no doubt she would always be near and dear to my heart. It pained me to think that the relationship that had formed between Josh and myself might cause her even a moment's hesitation or doubt. But, instead of worrying over something I had no control over, I pushed those thoughts down and away, determined to live in the moment at hand and cross those other bridges only when I came to them.
That first day passed quickly and felt like a sort of fairytale as we took a tour of downtown Los Angeles and the university campus. A cool breeze blew over us and the clear sunshine poured down as we walked around Pershing Square and the Disney Concert Hall. Even after living in California for all those years, there were days that its magic still took my breath away; I suspected it might be a lifelong thing. I felt a crazy urge to get in the car and head north, up the 101, just to take in the coast and the sky that ran blue and beautiful into it. It was a sort of fairytale and I wouldn't have put that day back for all the money in the world.
By the time we started back to my place, the day was already growing late and the sun was beginning its slow but steady descent into the Pacific. We unloaded the luggage from the car before heading inside. Josh and I had decided that for at least the first night it would be best for his mom and Cadee to sleep in the guest room - or his room as we were careful to call it - and that he'd sleep on the sofa. We got the bags into their room then I let Josh give them the deluxe, guided viewing. He was still more in love with, and in awe of, the old warehouse than I was so I figured I'd let him take the lead. It was fun to watch and listen as he still got wide eyed and excited. Standing back and taking it all in I was struck by just how head over feet I was for him and then got nervous again pondering what Abbey's reaction might be. So, I excused myself momentarily and retreated to the study to check my e-mail and take care of a few things on the screenplay I was editing.
A bit later we ate a light dinner that Abbey and I made in the kitchen while the siblings hung out in the living room, half watching television and half catching up on this and that.
"So, you're surviving my son?" Abbey asked as we were chopping vegetables for the salad.
"Yeah, more or less, I think."
She chuckled. "You know, he's always been crazy about you." I looked at her, unsure of what to say or where she was going. Instead I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, hoping she'd continue. "But, and I'll be honest with you here," she said, "I didn't know if he'd ever forgive you for leaving when you did."
I decided to be honest with her. "I know. We've talked about that."
"Really?" she asked.
"Yeah," I continued. "He told me he took it personally. He felt like I'd just left him. He says he's over it now and that he knows it wasn't fair or mature. But, I'm not so sure. Sometimes I think he still holds it against me."
"Well, Alex ... in his defense ... you've got to cut him a little slack. I mean, you two always had a very unique, and if I do say so myself, complicated interaction. You were kind of like a father, big brother, and best friend all rolled into one for him. So, when you left, he lost all those things, not just one of them."
"But, I wasn't really any of those things," I countered. "Not really. Or, at least, I didn't know I was. It never crossed my mind he'd feel that way, you know?"
"I know that," she assured me. "Though, it doesn't change the fact that it's the way it felt to him. Listen, Cadee and I never could talk to him the way you did. No one could really. It was almost like you two spoke some foreign, Josh language and I always envied you a little for that. I wish I spoke it."
"Abbey!" I said. "You know he loves you so much, you've got to know that. In fact, you two are so much alike sometimes that it's scary."
"Oh, I know he loves me. I've never doubted that. But, you just had a key to him that I didn't. It's different, that's all I'm saying. And when you left you took that key with you."
I looked at her a moment, taking in what she'd said, turning the words over in my mind. I nodded. She was right. I should have been more sensitive to what he felt back then. For that matter, I should have been more sensitive to what he was feeling the last few months since he'd come to live with me, too. I had failed to tune into him and Abbey had managed to make me aware of that in her own, subtle way. "Okay," I said finally. "I get what you're saying."
"I'm not trying to make you feel like a dick, Alex."
"Well, you're doing a pretty good job for not trying."
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Stop playing the victim, you old queen! You know that if you ever had or ever would intentionally hurt him I'd have never agreed to this whole California thing. I just wanted to, maybe, give you a little insight into where he might be coming from."
"And you did," I said. "You really did. Thank you."
"What are friends for?" she asked.
"For enlightenment and making one feel like a dick, of course."
"Queen," she replied.
Dinner was a quick and casual affair with even more catching up done over the meal. By 9:00 that night, we were all tired and ready for bed; Abbey and Cadee because they were up early then traveling all day, Josh and I from our epic cleaning spree the day before. Shortly after 10:00 had come and gone, we said our goodnights and were in bed.
I was surprised to find how quickly I'd grown accustom to sharing my bed with Josh. It felt too big, empty and cold, without him spooned up against me. I was a little disturbed to realize I missed him even though he rested on the sofa, just one wall away from me. But the long days and physical exhaustion did the job and won out over my loneliness and I fell asleep sooner than I thought I would.
Sometime later, movement awakened me as he crawled into bed, snuggling his warm smooth body up against mine. I felt his breathing on my neck, just at the top of my chest and his hair against my chin. "What time is it?" I asked quietly.
"A little after 2:00," he answered.
"You shouldn't be in here," I said.
"Didn't you miss me?"
"A little."
"Just a little?"
"Just a little, but I was REALLY tired."
He laughed a little and poked me in the stomach with a hard, stiff finger. "I hate you so much," he said.
"No you don't. And you should really stop saying it so often if you can never back it up."
"No," he paused, "No, I don't. But at least I try to from time to time."
"Duly noted."
"Can I stay here with you?"
"Your mom and sister are right across the hall, Josh. Does that not make you a little nervous?"
"A little, but I woke up and I couldn't go back to sleep."
"So you came in here to make sure I was awake and suffering, too?"
"Something like that," he answered.
I thought for a minute. "Okay, you can stay." He kissed my neck, nuzzling and licking a little afterwards. "Hey! I said you could stay and sleep. But, none of that."
"You're no fun," he whispered.
"Yeah, well sorry about that but one of us needs to remember who's right across the hall."
"Fine," he pouted.
I rolled over, grabbing my phone from the side table. "And, I'm setting my alarm for 6:00 AM. I don't want them waking up before we do. When this alarm goes off, your ass heads back to the sofa, got it?"
"Yeah, yeah. Got it."
"Good."
I finished setting the alarm on my phone, then set it back on the table. "So, are we still on for your plan tomorrow?" I asked him.
"Yes."
"I take Cadee to Venice Beach, you talk to your mom here?"
"Yes."
"Okay," I said.
"Alex, it's going to work."
"I know."
"Just trust me. Be ready to go after lunch and trust me."
"I will be. And I do."
There was a moment of silence and I closed my eyes, thinking we were through with the conversation. Just as I was about to drift off again, "Alex?" he asked.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything. For all of this and for letting me do it my way."
I started to say something, then decided against it. Instead, I just wrapped my arms around him, puling him closer against me and gently kissed the top of his head, inhaling his scent as I did. I closed my eyes again and slept soundly.