Chapter One: Meeting someone new and...
Hi, my name is Eric. I am 15 years old and I am starting High School this year as freshman student. I really don't like my life because of the problems which my mom and dad have all the time, always arguing and fighting, sometimes or senseless things. Its amazing how parents still don't get divorce, maybe its love. Anyways, I am gay, I Puerto Rican. I'm 5'11, brown eyes, redish/black/brown hair(I know, it's wild). I don't think I look good as people say I do. They compare me to some singer named Marc Anthony, I don't listen to his songs but I know what he looks like, though. He's kinda cute, but I must be his gay version then, lol. Well, I've never had a boyfriend before and I am in the closet because I don't want anyone to know that I am gay, since I am scared of being rejected from everyone I know(not many people), or from my family. I live in the Bronx, NY. It really sucks here. There are a lot of homophobic people here who think they are "gangsta", as they say. So, I live in an apartment not far from school, about three blocks to be exact. I share a room with my brother, and I have two sisters who also share a room together. I have a little dog named Tweety(my little sister named him), I like the name, too. I really like being alone since I think most times that I should get used to it, since when people find out about me being gay, that's the way it'll probably be. Now that you know me, the story can begin.......
"Eric, get up!" my mom yelled. It was Thursday, the first day I start High School, I really didn't want to get up to go to school so I tried to fake sleep to see if she'll leave me sleep a while longer and maybe not go to school. "Eric!" she yelled again, "Time to take a shower and go to school, now." she said as he left my room.
"All right, mom!" I yelled back, "I'm up already, God". I got up and went to the bathroom, stripped my clothes off and got in the shower. I stayed in the shower for about 30 minutes, then got out and started brushing my teeth. I walked to my bedroom and look in the closet wondering what the hell am I going to wear today. As many people say, "Your first impression, is what will judge you by", I didn't really give a shit if people liked my first impression or not, its their problem. So, I decided to wear a a black shirt, black leather pants and my black boots(black is my favorite color besides red and blue). I quickly got dressed, and grabbed my bookbag, told my mom, brother and sisters goodbye, then I went to school.
As I was walking to school I saw this really cute guy, I don't know what his name was since it was the first time I ever saw him around here. He was going through the same path as I going to school. He really had a nice butt, nice and tight :) . I continued walking and noticed that through the corners of his eyes, he was looking back at me. I continued to walk as if I didn't see him look my way. Then, all of a sudden he stopped at the corner of the block and turned around to look at me. He was waiting for me to catch up to him. I walked towards him and he started to speak to me.
"Hey, how are you?", he said.
"I'm doing all right, yourself?", I said.
"Fine, I guess. My name's Zack and I'm new to the Bronx", he said, shaking my hand.
"Oh, well, I hope you like it here.", I replied. I knew it sucked here as hell, for me it did. I don't know if he would find it fun here, or better than where he came from, where did he come from?
"Where did you last live at?", I asked.
"I used to live in Manhattan, a place called the Village", he said. Oh, my God! The Village that means he must be gay. I've never been there before, but I've heard that the Village is a place where there are alot of gay people who live there. I couldn't believe this, he's gay!
"That's cool", I said to him, nervous as hell. I don't know why I was nervous, maybe it was because I didn't want him to ask me if I was gay or something. I was scared.
"So, would you live to walk to school with me?", he asked excited. I wondered why he sounded excited, did he figure out I'm gay, too? If he did, what did he think about me? I hope its good. I've never met a gay person before in my life.
"Yeah, sure", I said to him, without a second thought.
"By the way, you never told me your name?", he asked, as we walked to school.
"Oh, um... my name's Eric", I said.
"Oh, nice name" he said.
"Thanks", I said rather happy than expected for being complimented about my name. I wanted to know more about the Village, I hope he didn't mind me asking questions about it.
"So, uh, Zack, what's the Village?", I asked him. I didn't want him to know that I knew what it was, I wanted to hear it from him, from his experience of living there and all.
"Well, the Village is a place where there are a lot of gay and also straight who live there, it's like here, except you can be open about your sexuality over in the Village", he said. WOW! You can be open about your sexuality, that must be cool. There's no denial, or putdowns about being gay! Awesome!
He stopped walking and faced me, "Are you against gay people?", he asked without hesitation.
"I...uh...see...I'm...", I didn't know what to say. Should I say that I am gay, too. Then again, what's the worst that can happen, I've never met a gay person until now, and if I told him that I am gay, too, then I guess it'd be cool.
Before he or I could say anything else drove by in his car and said, "Hey, faggot!, Wanna suck some cock?", and gave the middle finger as he turned the corner. Zack and I looked at him as he disappeared driving.
"That happens a lot around here" I said, turning his attention back to me.
"Yeah, well, people better get used to it because this is one faggot who is not leaving the Bronx", he said with strong anger. I didn't know what to say to him, thankfully he forgot about the question and we continued to walking towards school. It seemed, by the looks of what just happened, he didn't care if people knew he's gay or not. He was one guy I really admired for being so brave about who he is.
We walked into the school in total silence, I can sense he was still very angry because of what the guy in the car said as he drove by. Man! I wish I would have the guts to tell him that he's not the only who is gay. I don't know why, but I was actually scared to tell a person who is gay, that I AM gay, too. He looked as if he was going to cry or something.
"Eric?" he said, looking at me while we waited to be let into our classes.
"Yeah?", I said.
"Are you gay?" he quickly said, surprising me yet again with the question I wish I could answer, but was afraid because I never came out to anyone, and I didn't know what his reaction would be, even though he's gay, too. I know it seems stupid that I am afraid to answer a question asked by a gay guy, but I always lived my life afraid to actually tell someone I'm gay. I didn't want ANYONE to know. I was always depressed because of that, too.
"I'll talk to you later about that?", I answered back. I said that because he asked me that question in front of other students, and me being a freshman, well you know how it is.
"Okay" he said, without asking me anything else.
We were finally let into the school and headed for our class, then all of a sudden...
"Hey, Eric!" my friend said, catching me in my thoughts about coming out to Zack.
"Hi, Adam" I said to him, as he walked towards me and Zack. Adam was a cute guy, also 15 years old and in shape. He didn't do much exercise, but he had a great six pack and nice arm muscles. He's about 5'9, 140lbs, dark brown eyes, red hair. He's good with the ladys, as he would say in Junior High.
"Hi, I'm Zack" he said to Adam, but he didn't receive a response. Adam just looked at him up and down, and left without saying another word to me, or Zack.
"Sorry about that, he doesn't like gay" I told Zack. I knew he was getting pissed about the fact that so far, his day in living in the Bronx has sucked. See, why I'm afraid to come out?
"It's all right", he said, "I don't really care about it much, but I'll talk to him, somehow.", he said under his breath. I didn't hear the last thing he said.
"What'd you say?" I asked.
"Nothing" he said. We looked at our program cards that we received and we didn't really have the same classes together except Lunch, Gym, and English. Hey, I get to see him in the boys locker room. YES!
We said that we would see each other later at Lunch, then we seperately headed for our classes. The teachers were cool, but the classes had a lot of clowns, childish teenagers. Hey, I know we just got out of Junior High, but must we continue acting this way in High School, adding to the fact that we are freshman didn't really help much. Oh well.
I had brought my bookbag expecting their would be work for us in class, but we didn't really do anything except give our information on our home numbers, address, and a in case of emergency card we had to take home. There are a lot of cute guys in this school. As I went to my next class, I looked at the clock and noticed it was going to be a while before I see Zack at lunch. The teacher was talking about the rules and regualtions, how students must be behave in school, and then he explain the grading policy. I didn't pay much attention to anything else the teacher was saying my thoughts were elsewhere.
I wondered, if I told Zack I'm gay, would he want to be my boyfriend? Or, would he think nothing of it, and we'd continue being friends. I really wanted to make a good impression on Zack because...
Suddenly, the bell rang and the class was over, now it was time for lunch and I could see Zack again. I packed the handouts the teacher had given us and rushed out of the classroom, quickly hurrying to the lunchroom. When I got there, I found it empty. Besides the staff members, no one was inside yet. I walked in and sat at a table, waiting for Zack.
A few minutes later, "Hey, sweety", I heard someone say. I turned around wondering who it was who called me "sweety". It was a male voice, but who could it have been. I saw that it was Zack who had called me "sweety". I started blushing as I said hi to him.
"Hey" I said.
"You don't mind if I call you that, do you?" he asked, with questioning eyes.
"Uh..no I don't mind, it's find with me" I said. I liked it that he called me by that name. I wondered what would happen now.
"So, how was your classes?" he asked, as he sat next to me at the table.
"They were boring, the teachers are nice, though" I answered.
"Mine are the same, except there are some cute guys in my class, though" he said to me. I looked at him shocked and not knowing how to respond to what he had just said to me. He smiled at me, and I smiled back, but didn't say anything.
"So, uh, Eric...are you gay?" he asked, AGAIN shocking me and bringing me back to reality.
"Well...see...I'm...", I stuttered. Before I could say anything else, the lunchroom started to fill up with students, a lot of which looked at me and Zack, I guess wondering why we were so close to each other. I didn't realize we were that close, sitting almost on each other. I wanted to say that I'm GAY!!! But, fuck, I couldn't say the word! I don't know why I couldn't say it. Maybe it was because of the reason we're in school and I was afraid to say it because someone might hear me, or something. UGH!!! Man, I think I should talk to him after school, it might be better.
"Hey, Eric, why do you avoid the question, especially when I've asked you about three times today and you haven't answered it? he asked. He continued to look at me with those eyes which seemed to be hoping for an answer. I couldn't take it anymore.
"YES, I'M GAY!" I blurted out. I didn't realize that I had just came out to Zack and everyone who was in the lunch room who heard me.
Damn, I really messed up now.
First, I met Zack, then he asked me if I was gay or not, then Adam looked at him oddly, AND now I had just came out to Zack and the whole everyone in the lunchroom. I looked at Zack, he had a weird kind of smile on his face. A lot of people stopped what they were doing and looked at my direction. This is the first day of school, and coming out on the first day of school wasn't exactly what I expected to be the beginning of my Freshman school year. What is going to happen now?
To be continued.....
Comments, Suggestions, or whatever would be greatly appreciated torreswilkins@hotmail.com