Warning: heavy raceplay, racially charged language and scenarios.
There I was, standing on the street in front of the youth hostel in the middle of nowhere, next to the bill board promoting the `Experience: Sleeping in Hay and Straw'. The cabin guy had just dropped me off in front of it, I could still hear the sound of his pick-up truck, as it faded in the distance. He gave me clothes to wear that belonged to his sister's son, so they roughly fit. I got a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and a sweater. He didn't give me any shoes though, although I think he could have spared one pair, even if they would not have fit. But he didn't want to do that. He said, he likes me barefoot, whatever that was supposed to mean. At least I got to eat properly at his place and I thanked him by working on his morning wood after he woke up. Nevertheless, we didn't speak the entire way driving to the hostel. He just slapped my ass, as I got out of his truck. And he promised me to not post those pictures. He would keep them though as a reminder of the night we had together. I didn't know if the intention behind that was sexual or racial -- I didn't ask.
I walked into the yard of the youth hostel and could see my class mates running around in the back, some doing sports, others playing cards or just talking with one another. There were no teachers present. It must have been break time. I had no idea how late it was, but most likely it was around noon. I looked around and then I spotted Felix. He was sitting on ping pong table, with some more guys around him. I could see Chris was among them as well. The rage grew inside me as I thought about what they had put me through. Especially Felix. The others just went along, but he was the instigator of all my suffering. And there he was, laughing and having a good time, not for a moment considering my feelings, the ordeal I went through last night. He and the boys had left me naked in the woods. God knows, what could have happened. I got more and more worked up in anger, thinking about how I was running butt-naked through the forest, freezing and starving. I finally snapped and I ran towards him, my bare feet rushing through the dirt. Felix was too distracted to see me come and I was very fast as well. I made a fist with my right hand, ready to land a punch right in his face. I was almost there, as I yelled "Yo Felix!" in order for him to turn around so I could hit him right in the face. But somehow he moved slightly different than I expected and I missed him by a hair's breadth. I got off track and tumbled, causing me to trip and fall to the ground, right to Felix' feet.
He got up from the ping pong table walked towards me and kicked some dirt in my direction while I was lying on the floor. "What the fuck Tommy?" he yelled. Some of the boys tried to hold him back, to calm him down. I was slightly bruised from the fall and dirty but I managed to get up. "You know exactly what!" I yelled back. "You tell me!" he said. "Oh really, you want me to say it? In front of everyone?" I asked. "Sure Tommy, I got nothing to hide!" he said, coming closer, looking me straight in the eyes. And then it began to dawn on me, that he was right. I couldn't say a thing. If everything came out, I would be the one looking really stupid. He might look like an asshole but everyone would think I was total faggot. I painfully kept my mouth shut. "What was that Tommy? You wanted to say something? Let's hear it!" he said, provoking me. I bit my tongue. "Nothing..." I said. "Forget it!" He shook his head, dusting of his shoulders, which were not even dirty, while I was literary covered in dirt. "Man, fuck you, Tommy! Don't you try to pull anything like that again, you hear me?" he said. "Now fuck off!"
I was furious. Tears started to form in my eyes. I looked around and suddenly I saw a stone. Without thinking, without taking the consequences into consideration, I grabbed the stone and threw it at Felix. It hit him right in the head. A screamed out in pain, as everyone was looking at me in shock. "What the fuck, are you crazy?" Chris asked. "Well damn he is!" Felix yelled, as he collected himself. The stone was not big, so it didn't cause any serious injury. But Felix was bleeding from his forehead. "Oh Tommy, you will pay for this!" Felix said, as he pushed the boys who were standing around him aside and ran towards me, throwing a punch right in my face. It went so fast, I was so surprised, he hit me full on. He really got me. I went to the ground and he got on top of me, landing three more punches in my face. I tried to fight him off, but he was to strong, so I finally said "Felix, please stop. You win, okay?" but he was still furious. He grabbed my neck with his hands, as if he wanted to strangle me. But just in that moment our teacher arrived and broke it up. We both got send to a room, kind of like detention. They had the nurse check on Felix and patched him up. I was bruised but at least I wasn't bleeding.
And next thing I knew we sitting in an empty room, each of us on an uncomfortable chairs, waiting for out time-out to be over. I was sure there would be more consequences, but our teachers didn't say anything at this point. Probably they were in the process of figuring out what to do with us while we were sitting in there. But since we were both caught fighting, the punishment would be evenly distributed among us. I looked at Felix and though, that whatever I will get, we would have to endure it too. Good! Felix sat next to the window, looking out. I was a few meters away from him, staring at the ceiling. Finally, Felix broke the silence between us. "What did you do that for?" he asked. "Did you really think you could beat me in a fight? How stupid are you, seriously?" I looked at him. "I was just so angry!" I said. "About what?" he wanted to know. I got up from my chair. "Are you seriously asking that? After what you put me through? You left me out there completely naked!" I yelled. He smirked. "Haha, yeah, that was crazy, right?" he said laughingly. I couldn't believe my ears. Did he think that was some kind of joke? "Are you serious? I could have died out there!" I insisted. "Oh don't be so over-dramatic!" Felix said, as he got up from his chair as well. "We were just having fun!" I looked at him angrily. "Yeah, at my expense!" I said. He walked over to me, getting close to me face. "Everything is at your expense." He said, with a mischievous smile. I know what he was getting at. I took a few steps back. "I...I...am so confused. How did it get to all this?" I asked. "Oh you are confused? Well, let me tell you something. I am not! I am one hundred percent aware what I am and where my place is. And so should you, Tommy!" he said, with a voice that demanded respect. "My place? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. "If you don't know by now, you are even more stupid than I thought. I know you act like you don't like to be used, like I am forcing you. But I can see the excitement in your eyes. I can see the glow. Tell me here and now that your life wasn't completely turned up-side down, the moment you took my dick in your mouth!"
I swallowed. I didn't know what to say. I was conflicted. I could not admit that I was actually kind of getting off on being mistreated, although I increasingly became aware of the fact that, truth be told, I enjoyed it in a weird way. This crazy intersection of guilt, lust, abuse, passion, humiliation and pleasure was shaking my whole world, my entire being. My self-perception as a smart, confident, urban black man, aspiring to be a young professional very soon, was being completely uprooted by a primal, unexplainable desire, a literal instinct to serve white men. I was well aware of this inner conflict brooding inside me, but I was not ready to articulate any of it, left alone in front of Felix.
"Well, that was only because you tricked me into doing it. I never wanted to suck your dick!" I tried to save myself. "You said, first I do you and then you do me, but then you bailed on me, you asshole." Felix looked out of the window with a self-satisfied smirk, running his hand through his dark-blond hair. "You must have been crazy to think I'd let that ashy thing of yours anywhere near me, despite taking it in my mouth." He said in calm yet clearly condescending tone. I could not believe my ears. "What did you just say?" I asked, grabbing his shoulder, forcing him to face me straight-on. He turned to me, resting one hand on the back of the chair, the other on his waist. "I said no one want's to suck your nasty black dick, Tommy. Look at it, it's disgusting. Even when you are fresh out of the shower it looks dirty, filthy, it probably stinks too." He said while his piercing blue eyes looked straight into mine. "Is this some kind of joke? Because it is not funny. We have been jerking off together for years and you never commented on the way my dick looks before." I said. "Yeah, I was just being nice. And you never expected be to touch or even suck your nasty dick, but since you brought it up, here is me just saying that I think. Listen, I would never suck a dick, period. I am not a fag. I like receiving head, sure. Like any guy. It feels fucking awesome! But I would never degrade and emasculate myself by letting another man turn me into his cocksucker. I'd rather die!" I could feel my head getting hot with burning shame. I felt so small in that moment, like I had failed at being a man. A real man. Maybe Felix was right. A real man does not suck cock and never would. A real men gets his dick sucked. Period. "And I would most definitely not suck a dirty, black dick like yours." Felix went on.
I was speechless, but more confusing than Felix' insults where the fact, how my body reacted to them. My dick was actually getting hard, while I was listening to Felix' derogatory comments. Felix could see the bulge forming, as I wasn't wearing any underwear and my shorts were out of thin linen. He smirked and looked at me. "See what I mean? You get off by this. You like to be abused. I can see it clearly. I didn't plan any of this, to be honest. It all started with me wanting to get my dick sucked and unfortunately for you, you were dumb enough to walk right into my trap. But if you only did it to get some head in return, then tell me, why was your dick hard when you sucked me off? Why are you hard right now?" he asked. "Well, what do you expect? Sucking your dick is the only sex I am getting right now. My girlfriend isn't giving me any and neither you nor the others will reciprocate on me. I am horny 24/7 and anything sexual gets me hard at this point." I tried to weasel myself out of the situation, trying not to admit the obvious, despite my full-erect penis in my shorts betraying me.
"That's kind of pathetic, don't you think?" Felix said, looked down at my crotch. "Come on, let's see it. Show it to me. Let me have a laugh." He said. I knew that he was probably going to make fun of it, but I wanted to show it to him. I wanted to expose my shameful, guilty lust to him. I unbuttoned my shorts and dropped them to the ground, while I was taking off my t-shirt too, although Felix didn't even ask me to do that. Since I was not wearing underwear and I had been barefoot the entire time, I was now completely naked, presenting my hard dick to Felix, just like he ordered me to do. He looked at it, shaking his head. "Damn that thing is ugly. I am sure you agree, because you know how beautiful and clean white cocks are." He undid his zipper and pulled his semi-hard dick out, letting it hang out of his pants, while putting his hands in his pockets, visibly displaying how proud he was the manhood between his legs.
There we were, me fully naked and erect, him fully dressed and semi-hard. I couldn't help but stare at his dick again. Felix already outperformed me with regard to dick size. He was a few inches bigger than me, but those inches made a significant difference. We used to compare our dicks, with me being in the lead for many years. Then for a year or so we were about the same size until, sometime last year Felix had outgrown mine, by a couple of inches. But did he also outperform me in `beauty'? "So Tommy, what do you say? How does my cock look?" He asked, while I looked at it longingly. "It...it's perfect." I shamefully admitted. I could see Felix' chest swell with pride, a victorious smile growing on his face. He had just told me in excruciating detail how disgusting my dick looked in his opinion, yet he got me to admit that I found his dick to be beautiful, even more, perfect. "That's right, Tommy boy. My cock is strong, big, pure, clean, and white. Yours is small, black, dirty, nasty, and looks like shit." I sucked up his insults, fueling my inner self-loathing, while at the same time being unable to take my gaze off of Felix' dick. "Do you understand now, why it is perfectly natural for you to suck my dick, but completely ridiculous for me to suck yours? Why I was never going to return the favor to you?" Felix said triumphantly. I, again, nodded, in silent submission.
"Good, glad we got that out of the way." He said, as he stuffed his dick back into his pants. "But anyway, you said you were angry at me? Well, maybe it was a little too much what he did there yesterday. Throwing out all your stuff, leaving you there all alone and naked." He couldn't help himself, he had to laugh, while saying `naked'. He wasn't sorry about it at all. He was enjoying it. But I let him go on anyway. "So to make things even between you and me, I have a proposal for you. You get two choices, but you can only chose one, understood?" he asked. I had no idea what he was getting at, so I just said "Okay, whatever." He smiled in a confident manner. "So, to be fair, since I mistreated you so much, I will allow you to throw a punch at me, right in the face. I will not stop you and I will not hit you back. I will just stand here and take it. That is option one!" I wondered why he would suggest something like that. Why let me punch him? I looked at him with a confused look in my face. "Okay... and the other option?" I asked. "Oh Tommy boy, do you really have to ask?" he said, as he grabbed his crotch. "Option 2 is, I will let you to suck my cock!" he said, with a big smile on my face. My jaw dropped. Obviously I was going to choose the punch, but before I could respond, he stopped me. "Now, before you say anything, listen deep inside of yourself, listen to your heart. What do you want more? What do you really desire?" he said. I looked at his face, thinking about how I would hit him with my fist. Finally getting sweet revenge, finally hurting him the way he has been hurting me over this last days. Retribution would be a kick, a gas, justice would be served. But then my eyes wandered towards his crotch. I would see his erection through his pants, as he was holding it, causing the material to outline his dick perfectly. And just like that I gave in.
"Option 2!" I said in a defeatist tone, the humiliation being perfected by Felix' taunting laughter. That cruel genius. How he was playing me, fucking with my head over and over again. He knew he never was in any real danger. He knew that I would chose the blowjob over the punch. He knew how badly I needed his dick. He knew my desire to please him was bigger than my wish to hurt him, my need to serve him outweighed my will to punish him, to have my revenge. "Well, I will be generous than and give you what your heart desires. Get on your knees and collect your prize." Felix said in a tone, so derisive, it was literary hurting. I kneeled in front of him, unzipped his pants and pulled out his gorgeous white cock. I held it in my hand. I marveled at every blue vain running up the shaft towards the perfectly sculpted pink head, the smooth yet firm and hard way it felt in my hand, the warmth, the hotness it omitted. I looked up to Felix with a face that must have displayed ultimate submission. "Ah, there it is again, the glow." He said in a calm and collected voice. He knew he had defeated me again. He placed his hand on the back of my head and gently pushed my mouth on his dick I opened up and embraced it with my whole heart. I began sucking on him, gently, gratefully. I was on my knees in front of him, completely naked and he was fully dressed, only his dick was sticking through his zipper. All the while the door was unlocked. Anyone could walk in on us. And once again I'd be the one losing out. I'd be the one looking bad. Felix could just quickly stuff his dick back into his pants, act like nothing had happened. But me? I'd be fucked. I'd be caught in the act, kneeling in front of another boy, completely naked. How would I explain that? But I didn't care. All I wanted was to live in this moment and please Felix, no matter the risk I was taking. No matter the consequences.
"You are getting really good at his!" Felix said. "Thank you, I guess..." I responded. He must have been right. All in all, this has been the tenth time I had sucked a dick in three days. And I was learning fast. I was getting an ever better understanding of how the other reacted to things I was doing. What made him feel good. How to use my hand in combination with my mouth, how to get it into my throat, how to lick the tip while massaging the balls. All the different ways and tricks to deliver pleasure to a dick, to please a man. I was becoming an expert cocksucker, while I still had no idea how it felt to be on the receiving end of all this service, of this pleasure. How I wished I could just get a taste of it. Just a second. But I knew, receiving a blowjob was out of reach for me. At this point I did not even dare to touch my hard penis, leave alone jerk it. I knew Felix would not have it. He'd probably kick me in the balls. I controlled myself, restrained from touching my dick. Instead my fingers wandered towards my hole and began to play with my sphincter.
Stimulating my hole like that made me even hornier. I looked up at Felix. "Dude, you can fuck me, if you want to." I said, longingly looking into Felix eyes. He looked down at me, padding my nappy head. "I'm good man, just suck me off. I am already pretty close." I continued to suck him, but embarrassment and an utter sense of rejection overcame me. I offered him my ass to use and he declined? But even more, my heart was filled with jealousy. His dick was getting so much action that he could afford to decline getting some ass. While my dick was starved of any attention. Never in a million years would I have turned down the offer to stick my dick into something. It was so unfair. Everything was constantly working in his favor. Why? But before I could finish my thoughts I could feel Felix unloading in my mouth. And instantly I was overwhelmed by the fantastic feeling of his cock cuming while I was sucking it. I truly loved this feeling. I found it extremely hot. I can't say why, but something about experiencing another man's climax taking place in my mouth just fulfilled me. As the good cocksucker I am, I let him remain in my mouth until his orgasm had faded completely, in order to provide him with maximum pleasure. He pulled his dick out of my mouth and stuffed it back in his pants. "Well I hope you enjoyed that." He said with a wink. "And now put your clothes back on before someone walks in. Who knows how long we have been in here already." I did as he said. I walked over to my stuff and got dressed, trying to stuff my hard dick back into my shorts, hoping it would calm down soon. We both assumed our placed on our chairs and were silent for a while. Then Felix looked over to me and said "Oh and one more thing. I expect you to take the blame for this little incident earlier. After all, you were the one who started it. So you will tell them that I am one hundred percent innocent. That everything is your fault. Understood?" I nodded at him, silently agreeing to take on any consequences all of this would have myself. His face, once again, displayed this signature cocky smile. I still unable to fathom the power he had over me.