Hazard

This story is fictional, though some events and places may be real. The characters and events surrounding them are completely fictional. This story does not, in any way, denote the sexuality or opinions of any non-fictional persons or places. This story in no way reflects the actual town of Hazard. I am sure it's a very cool place to live. This story has no bearing on the opinions of said places or know people or events. The inspiration for this story came loosely from the song Hazard, by Richard Marx.

The normal copyrights for this story are held by me. Any copying or placing of this story on any site without my consent is prohibited without authorization from this writer. This story contains graphic sexual content between males. If you are not legal, whether by age or place of residence, read at your own risk. It is in no way, the responsibility of this site on which you are reading this or that of the writer.

Not to a be jerk but if you're going email me about grammar, save your breath. I just ignore those emails.

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Hazard

Chapter 41

Most people have happy memories mixed with bad ones. Not me. Imagine yourself in a burning room with no escape. The only thing you have to look forward to is your last breath. That's my life.

I am not being melodramatic or emo. In all honesty even my good memories are darkened and burned. They are all now nothing but ash. My life has always been clouded by sadness and cruelty.

I am not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I don't expect nor do I feel like I deserve it.

Now where am I? I am in fucking hell on earth. The walls are white. The smells are just as colorless as the walls. The people around are drones. there bears little resemblance to real people. They no longer have names or personalities. My grandpa on his worse days had more life in him.

You want to know the most fucked up thing is? They have more life in them than I do. I am not complaining. I like it this way. No feelings, means you can't get hurt. I don't want to hurt anymore so I stopped feeling. I just exist now I no longer live.

Don't pass judgement and say. I can do better than just exist. I mean fuck didn't you read what my life consisted of. It was just one hope and dream trashed after another.

I been here going on nine fucking months. Yeah, I had friends before I was here. None of the fuckers came to visit. So you know the fuck what? Fuck them. But that's not the real piss me off. I saw my therapist talking to the cunt. That fucking evil bitch who has been keeping me here. They didn't know I saw them not alone heard them.

The bitch is paying her off to keep me here. Yeah I know, you think I am imagining things. Wrong. Nancy got the had control of the house, money and mining interests. She had them as long as i was in the hospital, so in her mind I had to be kept out of the way.

Smartest thing I ever did though was make sure Marg had managing control of my money and interests in case of something putting me in a position where I cannot make my own decisions until, my Dad returned. Well dad isn't returning so.

I told Marg about what fucking Nancy was doing. She is about the only one who believes me. Maybe someone reading this shit will believe it too. That being said she is working her miracles to get me out of here. Her being my legal represented could not be denied access to me. though the cunt doctor tried.

Doctor Cunt told any visitors that I either refused to see them or wasn't well enough to see them because I was having an `episode'. What the fuck is an episode?

I'm Free! Thank you Marg!

I decided to keep writing the journal. It helps me think things through. I still am dead inside. I don't feel hate, anger, or sadness. The downside is I don't feel happiness or love either.

Now to Catch you up to date.

Fuck man I read over what I wrote. I wonder how I survived. In that mess I called life. I start college in late July, at the University of Pennsylvania. I had challenged all the perquisites and passed. So I am pretty much going in with a bachelor's degree in biology.

I asked about challenging courses in my field of study. There were only a few courses I could challenge.

Look I am not bragging. But half of those courses in medical school are like blah to me. I already knew the shit. I studied all these medical books. I know more shit than some doctors do. What else was I gonna do for the almost nine months in the fucking looney bin.

Ruth was still in the hospital. She was pretty much a drone mentally but she was coherent at times. She welcomed me with open arms, when I went to visit her. She was in the same place as me just a different ward. Eastern State was an old building. They were building a new `center' as they called it. To me it was just another looney bin.

The doctor aka my therapist, well that's still pending. She was charged by the state for falsifying medical records, fraud, taking a bribe and conspiracy to unlawfully imprison.

Nancy however, was nowhere to be found. Rumor had it that she was in Germany. Truth be told I was glad she was nowhere nearby. I'd be in jail for murder if I saw her. She basically destroyed my family. I blame her for my Dad's and EZ's deaths. She had told him That day if divorced her he would never see Lucas and Liam. Dad had to be distracted by that. If he wasn't distracted, they would be alive.

From Dad's estate I received half. Which was a value of 6 million and co-ownership of the farm and mining interests. She tried to sell the property but unfortunately without my approval or my advocates, that being Marg, approval, she couldn't. I know that pissed her off too.

I asked Marg where TJ was. She said he went to the United Kingdom for a specialized rehab there. I decided to try and find him. It wouldn't be hard considering he wasn't hiding. That and the fact he had Seth and Aliza with him.

I moved back to the farm. Marg had negotiated with Nancy's Lawyers for her to sell me her interests in the farm. I wouldn't press charges against her and pay two million. In return she forfeited any claims to any property in the Mac Daniels name and she would not set foot on any of the property.

December 22nd, 2010

I had been out now for about ten days' now. I talked to Sam three days ago. He was going to UCLA where he had gotten a football scholarship. We agreed to hang out when he got home.

I decided to write Ez's brother, Micaiah. I had been given all of his personal belongings which were still locked in his duffle bag and in taped boxes. I hadn't opened them. Not because I felt I didn't have the right to. I didn't because I didn't want to feel. Opening and looking at his belongings, I might feel. Dad's stuff I don't know where it is. I can only assume Nancy has it. Knowing that fucked up bitch she threw it all out.

Dear Micaiah,

We have never met though, through the many emails and letters your brother, Porter or Ez as I called him, shared with me, I feel I know you. I don't know if your ere info but he was killed in action. I don't know the circumstances surrounding his death nor that of my adopted fathers who served in the same unit as him. I will find out and will share that with you if you wish me too.

I can tell you this though., he was one of the kindest, gentlest and bravest men I ever knew. I loved him very much. We had hoped to build a life together. I would have written you earlier but unfortunately. When I found out that I had lost the two most important men in my life, my father and Ez, I had a break down. I hope you forgive me for not writing you sooner.

I have in my possession his all his personal property. I haven't looked at it or opened anything up. the reason I haven't is because I don't know if I can handle that right now. I would like to share that job with you. I know he loved you very much and missed you terribly. It made his day when he would hear from you.

I hope that someday we can meet, talk and share memories of Ez. God bless you for being there for him.

Respectfully

Noah J. Mac Daniels

I sealed the envelope and addressed it the way Ez was told. I set it on the table in the foyer. I'd mail it tomorrow. I grabbed my lap top and did a search. I found an article that dated back to the time my dad and Ez were killed. I read the following:

March 20th 2010, On March 17th, a U.S. Marine Venom helicopter was shot down by Taliban forces from across the Pakistan border. According to military authorities. The crew of 3 and 6 marines are dead or presumed dead as the remains of on marine are yet to accounted for. Names have yet to be released. The bell Venom helicopter was shot down during a routine reconnaissance near the Pakistani border, in the Qasemzi Cono area.

I couldn't read any more if I did I might slip back. Doc. Holiday who I visited when I was released said to be careful and to avoid things that may make me slip back. I had become a bit compulsive with things. Everything had to exactly one way. Any out of place I freaked or panicked.

I am still taking the anxiety pills. I am always jumping at little odd noises. Fuck I mean I jump when I hear the dog bark or if I see an old classmate in the store. When the phone rings, I am terrified it's going to be bad. I took tom screening calls. I would then call the service. If was important. I'd call them back.

I made myself some lunch and had just sat down to eat the turkey sandwich and drink my coke when the doorbell rang. I had to admit I freaked out. I peeked through the peep hole. Sam was standing there hopping and breathing into his hands to keep them warm.

He rang the bell again as I opened the door. He smiled and stepped inside. He grinned and stepped. I closed the door and turned. Sam pulled me into a hug. I had also developed this thing about being touched. I didn't like it. Hugging I hated.

When I just stood there rigid and hadn't returned the hug Sam stepped back. He didn't say anything. I knew though he was hurt by it. Sorry bro. I don't do hugs any more. They mean I have to show feelings. Noah don't do that anymore. I thought to myself.

Instead of saying that though, I told him I had anxiety issue with showing emotion. Not too far off from the truth. We talked and he joked about stuff. We compared notes about TJ. He told me he had taken TJ, Seth and Aliza to the airport. TJ had told him he was done with Hazard. He won't ever return.

I told him I had found him in Glasgow. He was enrolled in the university of Glasgow and studying to be a Veterinarian. Other than that I knew nothing.

I didn't tell him I was scared to talk to TJ. I was afraid of him rejecting me. I knew if I heard his voice I'd feel something. I knew that deep inside behind the thick walls I built to protect myself, I loved him. I had known those few days that I was his before, you know what, that if Ez had not been in the picture I would have been with him.

There was no one that I knew that was as loving and caring as TJ. Even Ez wasn't. TJ put me before everything. he was more than my protector. He was my secret love. If Ez and didn't work out it more than likely would have been because of TJ.

I don't mean that in a bad way. It would be because I loved him in more ways than I did Ez. If I have to be honest with myself. I don't think Ez and would have lasted. As I look back my feeling for Ez I loved with all my heart but I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with TJ. I just kept telling myself that he was like a brother. That he was family that it was taboo. Maybe not by law but by my own thoughts. I was afraid that if TJ and got together I'd lose him if it didn't work. That I wouldn't have that person there to lean on. I chose to ignore those thoughts so I'd at least have TJ as my protector.

Sam asked me if I had been back to the spot. I admitted I hadn't. I also told him I don't leave the property unless I have to. I explained my fears and he said he could understand why I had them. Which is good because let's face it, I knew if I had an anxiety attack in public they'd lock me up again.

Christmas was a few days away. I wasn't feeling it but I went Christmas shopping for the few people I wanted to buy for. Sam, Marg and Aunt Ruth. instead of taking the chance of seeing someone I knew around hazard, which was at a hundred present chance of happening. I went to Fayette Mall in Lexington.

I got Ruth a new pretty silk nightgown and robe and fuzzy slippers to match. Sam I got something every college guy needs, an up to date Laptop. Marg, I bought her a mall gift card. I didn't really know her personal tastes so I figured that was a safe bet.

I browsed around the mall just to see if there was anything I wanted. I walked by a jewelry store. I figured what hell, I might as well start wearing a watch. I went in and browsed at the watches. I told the salesman I'd let him know when I saw something I liked.

When I did see something he was busy. I decided to browse around while I waited for him to be free. I was looking at the Dog tags. This one had me thinking of TJ. It had my hero on it.

I felt my eyes tear up. Fuck that. No emotions. Emotions only lead to one thing, be hurt, betrayed and abandoned. Didn't matter if it was intentional. I wasn't going to be hurt again. I tried to move on. I couldn't.

That dog tag spoke to me. My hero. It was like God put it there. Was he or fate or what the fuck ever trying to tell me something. I know it was. Damn it I just know this is going to hurt me.

I saw my salesman ignore me when I tried to signal him. I waited but when he did it again, I said, fuck him his loss, so I grabbed a young guy that was free. I saw his name tag Teddy Jamison. OH fuck me I thought yeah I need to do this. I pointed to the dog tag and told him what watch I wanted a Rolex Oyster Perpetual Cosmograph Daytona. The other salesmen watch as Teddy brought out the watch I looked at it and set it down I wrote on a piece of paper what I wanted inscribed on the dog tag My friend, my brother, my heart. I handed teddy my Visa Black card.

The guy was right there telling Teddy that it was his customer as he talked to me first. I looked at the guy and smiled.

"You may have talked to me first. However, when I tried to get your attention you blew me off."

"I'm sorry sir but I do have other customers. It is our policy to treat all customers as royalty."

"Well you just blew off the lady over there when you saw me pull out that Visa Black card."

"When she is ready to make her purchase. I will gladly assist her. Now would you like these gift wrapped?"

"No I would like you to hand me back my card." I said raising my voice. The fucking liar. That woman was ready to purchase. She was looking in her wallet for her card.

"Sir you are misunderstanding our policy."

"I understand very well. You blew me off because you thought it was small purchase when it became a big one you knew you lose the commission

"Sir I think that you have."

"I think I have read it right. Teddy was kind enough to help me when you blew me off twice. It wasn't until you saw me with the fucking twelve-thousand-dollar watch and a Visa Black card that you became interested."

"Sir that's totally untrue."

"Ok so now I am liar. Just give me back my credit card or give the sale to Teddy."

"Is there a problem." said an elderly little man. He was cute in the old man way.

"Yes, this guy blew me off. So I asked teddy there to help me. It' wasn't until he saw what I was purchasing with my Visa card there in his hands that he became interested." I said before the fucker could utter a word.

"Is this true Robert?"

"No sir. I never blew him off."

"Ok that's the second time you called me a liar. I want my card back. right now so I get out of the store before I am insulted again. I can assure you I will never purchase anything in this store again. Nor will any of the people in my country club." I wanted this guy fired. I had a feeling he did this on a regular basis.

"Sir Is there anything we can do to rectify this?" Said the elderly gentleman, handing me back my Visa card.

I waited and looked like I was thinking about it. "I'll tell you what. If you give this sale back to Teddy, I will be satisfied."

The elderly gentleman went to teddy as he was assisting a customer.

"I have no problem giving Teddy ten percent credit for the sale." said the fucker.

"You really don't get it do you? I said give Teddy the credit for the sale. Otherwise I walk and talk. Oh I will drop you name Robert, actually no matter what I will drop your name."

"Sir I would appreciate that."

"No you won't, because it will not be nice."

I watched as Teddy and the elderly gentleman came up to us.

"Sir I apologize if I did anything to offend you. It was not my intention to insult any."

"Listen Robert stop blowing smoke up my ass. You're really beginning to piss me off." I said cutting him off as they reach us.

"Robert go in the back and wait for me." said the elderly gentleman.

"Sir I apologize whole heartily for this. I assure it will never happen again."

"I believe you." I smiled.

"Teddy can you handle this while I take of something in the back?" said the little man

"Yes Mr. Goldman." He said turning to head in the back.

Mr. Goldman picked up my dog tag and the piece of paper. "I will do this now if you like to wait."

I handed Teddy my card again. "I take handling something in back means Robert?"

"God I fucking hope so." He said. He blushed when he realized he dropped the F bomb.

"Don't worry about. I think he can make anyone curse."

He nodded.

Ten minutes later. I was walking into Disney store. In for a mile. I bought Seth all kinds Disney posters. For Aliza I got a hundred dollar iTunes card.

I got home wrapped my gifts. It was still early so I took TJ's, Seth's and Aliza's to the post office. I sent them off to the address I had. They may not make it for Christmas but I knew they would make it.

I felt the need to see the spot. I drove to the spot and parked. I wasn't surprised to Sam there. I was counting on it. I sat on the rock next to him.

I rest my head on his shoulder. I felt his arm go around my waist. I felt him kiss my forehead. I put one arm around his waist in the front and another in the back. almost like a hug.

"Sometimes I wish I could back to a time when life was easy, don't you?" He stated rather than asked.

"Life was never easy for me." I said. I wasn't complaining just sting the truth.

Sam broke the semi hug I had on him he turned to face me. "I know buddy. I sometimes made it hard for you too."

I started to say something but he cut me off.

"I need to tell you something. I want you to promise to let me finish."

"Okay."

"I need you to know that I love you, Noah. I mean really love you. The thing is when you were in the hospital. Well we know what happened there."

I nodded. Yeah, Nancy happened.

"Well I went to UCLA on a football scholarship. Connor did too. He got a walk-on on the football team. Well Connor and I kind of got to talking and he came out to me." He must have seen my smirk.

"Yeah I know, shocker. Look I'll just say it. Connor and I are together. The thing is he doesn't like you and doesn't want me to hang with you."

I looked at him. I watched as a guy jogged past us. I recognized him as Pork. He had lost a lot of weight.

"I am sorry Noah I just can't do it. He's my boyfriend I have to respect his wishes.'

I watched as the sun went below the horizon. The river went black. Just like my life. I didn't say a word I left.

I went back to the lot there was four cars there. I saw Pork leaning by one car he nodded and I nodded back and got in my jeep. When I pulled into my drive. I was feeling like shit. Once in the house I pulled out a bottle of vodka and drank until I passed out.

I woke up the next morning and ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out. I all but crawled up the steps halfway up I wished I had taken the elevator. My head was pounding all I wanted to do was sleep.

By the time I got to my bed I was naked. I pulled on those old marine sweat pants. I put on a long sleeved T-shirt and crawled into bed. I eventually fell asleep.

I heard a banging on the door mixed with the doorbell ringing. I dragged my ass down the stairs. Padding across the cold marble floor in my bare feet. I was so out of it I didn't bother to check the peep hole.

I opened the door. I was shocked to see detective Ashwell or asshole there with two cops. Noah Mac Daniels you are under arrest for the murder of Samuel Meets. I stepped back. next thing I knew I was being shoved to the marble floor hard.

My head hit it hard. I literally saw stars. I didn't care I was just trying to wrap my head around Sam being murdered. It dawned on me that they were pointing fingers at me, when I was shoved into a squad car.

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Hurry back Sam. I miss my editor :)

Thanks for reading Hazard :)

Quotes every writer, critic and person should live by:

It is better to be considered a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Unfortunately, most people refuse to leave any doubt.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. Benjamin Franklin

"Arrogance, disrespect and demand have higher price. Kindness, respect and tact give better prize." Angelica Hopes

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