No reading if...yea you know. Feedback is what keeps a writer going, so e-mail me and tell me what you think! Punx_rule05@yahoo.com!! And if I'm on feel free to aim me at NEL114...thats bout it
Hey! Here's He was my Best Friend chapter 14! No reading if...yea you know. Feedback is what keeps a writer going, so e-mail me and tell me what you think! Punx_rule05@yahoo.com!! And if I'm on feel free to aim me at NEL114...thats bout it
He was my Best Friend 14: Doubt
I love josh and I know he loves me...but still. Despite all of his assurances I cant help but feel scared that he's going to find someone better. This is high school after all and we have been together for a very long time...no couple ever last this long. It's like...a law or something.
So why us? Were coming to our end. I can tell. His eyes start to travel, like they did when he loved me but fucked everybody else.
" I love you, Mark." Josh whispers on my ear.
He loves me. Or does he just say it to make me feel better? Is he only with me out of pity? The poor boy who'd kill himself if a certain boy left him. Yea, maybe that's it.
" Mark?" the hand he has around me tightens. "What's wrong?"
" Nothing, everything's fine." But its not. I'm scared he's going to cheat on me. That he'll get bored with me...
" Your lying to me, Babe. You got all quiet and I know what that means. So, spill."
"...It's nothing. I swear." I smiled for reassurance. " Lets just enjoy this moment ..."
"Okay...if you say so." Josh tighten his arm around me, sighing in my hair.
Always with these negative ass thoughts. Its like I don't want myself to be happy. I mean, I want to be happy but I'm still worried...No, That's not it. Josh is for real this time, I know he is. He has to be. He's doing everything he's supposed to.
It's me. I'm screwing up our relationship...I love him. I know I do. But I cant help but to be scared. I cant take another hit. This is our last chance to make it work...
" Basketball seasons is almost over. We can be together more. That's why your mad, right?" Josh asked.
He sounds confused. Then again, I am too. I have no clue what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing with josh. No, I know why I'm with him. But, am I being wrong?
Josh is beautiful. Anybody would be glad to have him. I know his fan club of whores would love to have him back...and me. I'm with him. Lucky to be with him. And I'm still questioning why. Why?
" I'm not mad at you. I'm just thinking a little too much." And now that I think about it. Josh and I haven't been spending that much time together. The few times we do, it's always sex. He's either at practice or with the guys from practice. Even Johnny's been gone a lot.
Maybe that's it. I just miss him. It has to be it. I've been waiting for this for forever. Since our first kiss back in eight grade. I've been waiting for josh to be my boyfriend and now he is. I should be happy that he's with me. Fuck the fears. Josh is my boyfriend...that should be all that matters.
Should be. But isn't. this is me here. I overanalyze everything. I blow things way out of proportion.
Why cant I be just be happy that he's mine? I should be. Key word, should.
God, I am so fucked up.
" You can think to me. You can tell me shit. I'm not scared to know what's going on your head. I own your ass anyway."
See? I don't deserve that. I don't deserve him. He's trying to cheer me up and what do I do? Come on, ask me. What do I do when my boyfriend is trying to cheer me up?
Nothing. I just lay in his arms and do nothing. God damn my downer thoughts! I was supposed to be done with the pessimist way. I was supposed to be happy when he said he was my boyfriend. I should be happy.
But I'm not. I'm concentrating on all the bad shit and completely forgetting that I have Josh. Not to mention Johnny. And, my parents. I have all this good shit. And I focus on problems that don't even exist yet.
There I go again. They probably wont ever exist.
The problem is me. I'm the problem. Not Josh. Not Johnny. But me. I'm the fucked up one.
" You know what? Fuck it! don't tell me what's going on. I'll just ask Johnny cause I'm a hundred percent fucking sure that he knows. I don't get you, Mark."
" I'm sorry. It's nothing-"
" Bull! would you just fucking tell me what's wrong...it's because I don't want to come out, isn't it?" Well it would be nice to rub it in his groupies' faces. But no, that's not it...is it?
" Chill out. And, it's not like that. It's just school and stuff. I don't care if your out or not. Sometimes...I wish I never did." And I think you're getting bored with me. Going to leave me at any second...
" Someone giving you shit?" His head raised in concern. Green eyes filled with concern peering into my own. " Huh, are they!?"
I can't lie to him now. When it feels as if our souls are connected. I love his eyes. I never know what color will be looking back at me when I awake in the morning. He's beautiful. He's Josh
" No. I'm just tired of being the `gay dude'. People swear they know me even before they meet me. And all those dumb ass questions...everyone always seems to know all my shit. Like I cant have any secrets. Its effin annoying."
Josh laid his head back to the ground and I laid my head back onto his chest.
I love him.
" Tell em to go fuck themselves. Being the gay dude isn't as bad as being a male whore slash prep slash jock. I'm not a jock. ATHLETE! There's a difference...anyway, we all have ` titles'. It's what these losers make up to make themselves feel better. So, fuck em. I know you that should be enough. Plus, I don't want to share you anyway. And, if anybody gives you shit, you better tell me. I swear to god I'll kill em!"
" Were not in middle school anymore I can handle myself. They wont say anything cause they're scared of you. Effin bad ass."
" yea, I remember those days. I was the only kid in school getting laid on a regular bases. And I couldn't let stupid fucks messing with my ass"
I laughed. I love him. He makes me laugh...
" Your ass?"
" Hell yea, MY ASS! I fucking own that shit! And don't act like I don't. It has josh written all over it. Speaking of that...I want to get a tattoo."
"Right..." Tattoo? I've thought about them but we aren't eighteen yet. Something permanent like that. Yea, don't think I'm ready for it.
" Don't look like that! I'm serious, man. I want your name on me somewhere, anywhere."
I would've laugh at him. My name? On something other than a piece of paper. Right...yea, I would've laugh at him but the serious expression on his face told me otherwise. He was dead for real.
What do I say to that? Tattooing someone's name on your body. It would be there forever. But, that shouldn't matter. This is forever. That's what I said when we were official. I said that. Not Josh, but me.
So a tattoo that would last forever shouldn't be a bad thing. If Josh and I stay together then it really shouldn't matter...but still. A tattoo?
" I don't know. Were only in-"
" I know, I know. We don't have to get them now. Just something to think about...almost all the dudes have tattoos on the team. Even Johnny! But that's not why I want one. I want everyone to know who I'm with." Johnny has a tattoo? I really don't see them that much...
Josh and I. Laying in my backyard, under the starlit sky. Under the bluish moon. Body parts tangled together...
I love him.
" I love you, Josh." I whisper into his chest.
I love him. I may have doubts. Stupid and pointless fears. But they're greatly overshadowed by Josh. I love him. I guess that's all that's important.
" Still thinking? You think too much. You should be like me and..."
" And what? Fail English last semester?"
Josh laughed.
" I didn't exactly fail...you weren't serious about...you know, were you?"
" About not having sex with you? Yea, only a little bit."
" Whatever. You'll be begging for it by the end of the night. I own that ass and you know you want this dick. Can't live without it."
" Anyway. I want a boyfriend that will graduate me. I don't wanna be in college dating a high school kid. It's dark, lets go inside."
" I'm better than any college guy..." Josh mumbled. "Mark?" He can go from cocky bastard to a kid begging his mom for the new Megazord.
" yea?" I smirked.
" You weren't serious about the no sex thing? I'll study and do my homework and go to class and...I'll don anything but PLEASE don't-wait. It's my ass I own that shit."
Josh rolled me onto my back, attacking my sides like a maniac. I held out as long as I could before I burst into laughter. He let up his tickling and whispered in my ear:
"your ass...is mine." His breath on my ear...
He stretched out fully on top of me. His obviously hard package rubbing on my own not so soft crotch.
" Josh..." I moaned.
" I told you you'd be begging for it before the night was over. I am Josh after all..."
I grabbed josh's cock through the thin material of his basketball shorts, stroked a few times and stopped.
" And I told you: no sex." I rolled a shocked josh from atop me and started for my room.
One of us has to be serious about school. even though I just gave sex...and my cock doesn't look to go down by itself...
" you ASS!! Come here! Were not done...come on, Baby?...damn. I fucking hate English!"
Its 5:00 and I'm staring at my sleeping knight in shinning armor. I wonder what color his eyes will be when he awakes. I wonder if he'll still love me...
It's the moments like these that I'll always remember. When everything is quiet, when all I can here is Josh's sleeping. When I can feel his body heat brushing against me...I know he's mine.
He's my boyfriend...for how long I don't know. I still think he'll find someone better. Someone with out all the emotional fuck ups...I just hope it's not too soon. Maybe I should have sex with him...
I roll back around, my back to his front. His arm securely around me, his hand directly over my heart. His heart.
" I Love you josh"
I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Safe and secure in Josh's arms. But am I secure...do I really think that this can be an everyday thing? I know Josh...it's why he wanted an open relationship. So he wouldn't cheat on me. He was doing the right thing. He was making sure our relationship lasted...
And what did I do? I fucked it up. He wont be satisfied with just me. No matter how much we love each other. We are Josh and Mark...
COPYRIGHT emo_kid_storiez