I guess I need to write this for my own healing. A friend once told me that your first crush always stays with you for life, and I guess it's true. Even though it's only been a few years since I last saw Him, I still can't get Him out of my mind. Although, the pain of angsting over him usually doesn't affect me as much as it did while I could see Him weekly. I guess I can be thankful for Him, because it was my constant inner turmoil over my desire for Him that drove me to coming out and going down the path of self discovery that I'm on today. For that, I am thankful to Him.
Before I start this story, I should talk a bit about myself and Him. At the time when I first met him, I was fifteen. I first saw Him on stage singing for the Worship Band at the youth group I went to. I wasn't Christian, but I attended this group because my mom dragged me there to try and give me a chance to "hang out with" people my own age. I'd had a long history of having few friends. According to my mom, one time when I was little, after school I came home crying that I had no friends. Although my mom did trick me into going, I was at least "hanging out" with people my own age that seemed really nice.
Part of the reasoning for my lack of friends has to do with who I am. Coming from a single immigrant mother background, I wasn't exactly rich. Luckily, by the time I started school, I had my grandparents living and helping my mom support me. On top of being one of the few mixed kids growing up in one of the rougher neighbourhoods in the city, I was also born with a disability. My right ear was originally just a flap of skin, it's a real condition, but I have no idea what it's called. I also have a relatively visible scar above my right eye from a car accident with my dad when I was only 3 1/2. I came from a home life filled with trauma (multiple operations to try and fix the ear, the car accident, and the divorce). Compiling all this trauma in my early life... It's no wonder that I ended up extremely shy and dissociative habits. I dove into school and almost fit the stereotype of the nerdy Chinese child (except I look incredibly white).
Upon later reflection, I recognized the cliques and how WASP/yuppie spawn the kids at the youth group were. But at the time, I was drunk on the music. Coming from a very socially sheltered home, Christian Rock, let alone Rock was still a fairly new concept to me. When the first time I saw Him, let's call him Stefan, I felt my stomach drop inside. Up until that point, the extent to my experience with queer culture and my own sexual identity was feeling desire (although nothing earth shatteringly serious) towards guys around me, reading fan fiction.
Now the strange thing is that I understood that I was attracted to male bodies, but never really thought about what it meant really. It just -was-. I knew I was attracted to my best friend when I was 13, but I never would have considered anything with him beyond sex. I just had no drive for an intimate, emotional connection. That is, until I met Stefan.
Clearly, you the readers aren't here to listen to my sob story, but to get off. I'd like to just write out one of my fantasies about Stefan. Also contains my feelings, desires, and struggles during that time period. Warning: I write plot, if you are looking for a quick fap, skim until you find the sex. This is may also have some political themes and will contain how I felt and understood the world around me. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I couldn't help but give in to the music. It felt like there was fire running through my veins and my spirit could fly above the masses. Out of this body that I inhabit. I didn't understand the significance behind the words as the language of Christianity confounded me, but I could feel their passion. I was drunk. Drunk on a music style that felt like fire. Drunk on the passion that everyone seemed to hold for God. Drunk on the freedom to sing at the top of my lungs (mind you, in key and well) and not be afraid of being ridiculed. But it was His voice that made me feel like I was having an orgasm from my ear to my brain.
Stefan as I came to know him was doing vocals that week and his voice was like oozing sex to me. A strong, clear baritone, but filled with passion. I could see it in his eyes. Until that point, I never noticed brown eyes, but his eyes... His eyes practically glowed with an inner light. A light filled with joy, hope, and a little bit of mischief. From that moment, I became infatuated with him. I just couldn't help but love how his chestnut brown hair looked so amazing to me even with the odd tuft sticking out of his relatively short haircut. So plain, yet so incredibly sexy. He had a wicked smile that quirked around his lips and fairly sharp features. But what stood out to me most to him was his personality. When the youth group was hanging out at McDonalds (I hated the place but went for the company) his personality shone the most. He made clever comments and did crazy things like make outrageous expressions or playing games with the food/random objects about. He would sometimes try to make me laugh when I tried to join his group for socializing. Typically, his group would consist of a group of girls and his one guy friend whom he went to school with. I sometimes wondered if he liked guys too due to having so many girls near him, if he was a couple with his friend. Of course, that would be bad for me since I wanted to be with him in any way I could. Upon second thought, the girls were probably hanging around him for the same reason I was; Stefan was very hot. He actually looks a bit like the porn star, Brent Corrigan, but in my opinion, much cuter.
I continued hanging around, getting my high off the music, and generally trying to be social with Stefan. On days when he wasn't performing (he also did electric guitar on some weeks) I would try and sit close to him and his crowd, even though I really didn't get much of a chance to talk with him. I regularly cursed my inability to deal with group situations and how shy I was. I just couldn't understand how to enter their groups and contribute to their conversations. After all, I was the only one there that came from a working class background and knew little about Christianity.
By the time I was sixteen, I admitted I had a full blown crush on Stefan. It was still going strong at age seventeen as I still saw him every week. I have an early birthday so I was already 17 when I started grade 12.
I was just so madly attracted to his energy, voice, eyes, body, everything about him and all his quirks. I just couldn't help but find his habits adorable. I guess you could call it puppy dog love, but it was how I felt at that moment.
One day mid year in grade 12, I managed to catch Stefan on his own after the group. The McDonalds was pretty empty with just a few other people from the youth group, but they were sitting in their own groups. His ride was running late and all his other friends had left already. Since my mom came later to try and give me some socializing time, I typically was around pretty late.
"I'm a bit nervous, I've got my vocal exam coming up and I'm not sure how good I am," I said to him trying not to look in his eyes. At this distance, I could easily get lost staring into the depths of his eyes. They were a few shades darker then my hazel ones.
"Go ahead and try it out, I don't think anyone would mind hearing a song," he said smiling encouragingly at me. I nodded and did the mental change to prepare to sing. I was performing the song, "On My Own" from Les Miserables as it was how I was feeling at the time. It was fairly obvious that I didn't have as much control as Stefan did, but I played considerably with tempo and dynamics. I hadn't changed the pronouns in the song from "he" to "she". Stefan didn't comment on that part.
"Hey, that was really good! I can see you've put a lot of work into practicing the song, could still use some touch ups and I think I could share some techniques I learned in my lessons," Stefan said. "Do you think you can come over to my place tomorrow night and we'll make it a sleepover too?"
"Um, sure, just need to tell my mom, she'll be fine with it, especially since it has to do with homework." I was feeling particularly jittery at that moment. I was actually being asked to stay over at Stefan's place! This was totally random and I wasn't expecting him to be so... Open and friendly towards a semi-stranger. Although we had been talking for well over a year, discussions were rarely deep and never extended beyond the youth group.
"Great, my mom is visiting her parents and brought my little brother with her. My big brother is living at University, so it'll just be us and my dad there." Stefan flashed his signature smile and wrote down his contact information. I promised to call him before leaving. Looking at the address, he came from the West End of town where some of the more affluent people lived. I couldn't help but feel slightly apprehensive remembering my past of living in one of the poorest neighbourhoods in the city.
I had the "study session" cleared with my mom and she actually agreed to drive me down. The bus ride would have taken an hour due to having to time between buses and having to transfer to a second bus to get to the West End.
The next evening, I had packed my essentials and was trying to look good for Stefan hoping beyond hope that he was interested in me. At this point in life, my hair was long enough to cover my ears so that it obscured my deformities as I'd done all my life. I knew nothing of hairstyles but I tried to keep my hair relatively straight yet the tips always curled slightly. I didn't know what to think about my appearance. I had never really tried to look "good" beyond formal for performances and special occasions. The only thing I thought Stefan might like was how smooth my skin was. A lot of women commented with envy how they wished they had my skin. I really didn't have any self confidence in myself or any understanding of what looked good to me.
Upon reaching Stefan's place, I bade my mom goodbye with a quick hug. Stefan was sitting on the porch. The place was fairly close to the University so it wasn't a suburb fortunately. It had that kind of architecture that looked ancient and beautiful that characterized the West End. Stefan got up and strode towards me. "Hey, glad you could make it. So, do you want to practice singing first or do you want to do anything else?" he asked me as I was led to the house. "Sure, is your dad going to be bothered by singing? I know my voice projects more then I want it to." "He's cool with it. The family is used to me singing, playing french horn, guitar, and piano. What would one more voice mean to them?"
We ended up in his room. Stefan closed the door and I could hear a lock slide into place. I didn't know why he did that, but I guess he didn't want us to be interrupted. We sat on his bed cross-legged. "Could you perform your song again?" Stefan said softly. I did as he asked and did a repeat of the night before. All the while, I could feel his eyes on me, analyzing me, or so I assumed. When I finished, Stefan reached out towards me and I tensed. He placed a hand on the small of my back and pressed a couple fingers firmly on some point around there. I felt that shudder run through my body from the simple act of feeling his touch even though it was a t-shirt between us.
He instructed me softly to sing from the back of my throat. I felt tense feeling so close to him. I could smell his natural and unique scent that every person had and it distracted me from the task at hand. I took a moment to collect and focus my thoughts upon singing before testing the opening lines of my exam song. My voice sounded totally different! My voice suddenly sounded rich and it felt like I was flying higher then I had ever had while singing before. Stefan smiled and took his hand away.
"I wasn't expecting your voice to change as much as it did. It gives me goosebumps, sounds a bit like Josh Groban, but you've got your own style." As he said all this, his eyes were practically shining with that inner light that I associated with him, like a trademark.
"Uh, thanks? You know that I've always really liked your voice?" I said feeling uncomfortable with the praise. "I'm really not that special, just had private lessons and a bit of biological luck. But you, you've got a cool voice." "How about we agree that we both have good voices and quit arguing and do something else?" I tried to smile and take it all lightly just to avoid any more praise.
Stefan taught me a couple more technical tricks, but I wasn't able to replicate that "rich voice" as effectively as the first time. After the informal music lesson, we talked about our schools, and performed for one another, some serious, some crazy.
His dad came over and was let in. He chatted with us for a bit and I got to learn a bit more about Stefan's childhood. Unfortunately, I was quizzed a bit about Christian topics. I knew very little about them and felt as if I were being scrutinized to see if I was a good little Christian... Which I wasn't of course. Stefan did deflect some of his dad's inquiries by saying that I was still pretty new and that we needed to get ready for bed.
Of course, it was still pretty early in the evening, but I guessed Stefan wanted to try and get his dad out. Funny, we hadn't talked at all about sleeping arrangements. I was a bit concerned about sleeping in the same bed with a straight guy, I'd probably try to insist on sleeping on the floor.
"Sorry for my dad, he gets a bit zealous at times, but he means well. I guess we should get ready for bed, we can still talk once he retires which'll be pretty soon. Do you want to shower first?" Stefan said.
After my shower and brushing my teeth, I put on a pair of old shorts over my briefs and t-shirt before telling Stefan that I was done. I laid on his bed thinking about what Stefan would look like without his shirt on and was both excited and afraid of seeing him. Of course, he'd probably walk in with a t-shirt as I did, but the proximity kept me imagining.
I was wrapped up in my thoughts when I suddenly saw a looming figure staring down at me. Stefan's eyes sparkled with mischief as I was suddenly held down and tickled. Unfortunately for me, I've got hypersensitive nerves or something and am thus crazy ticklish. I yelped, squirmed and tried to buck Stefan off. He suddenly stopped when he heard how vocal I was too. Taking that opening, I attacked back digging my fingers into his armpits. The tickle fight continued for a while and ended with Stefan's dad knocking at the door voicing that we were too loud and should go to bed.
We laid there panting, Stefan on top of me, I could feel that I was flushed and it wasn't just from being tickled. Stefan was staring down at me and suddenly started to giggle softly.
"Sorry, just found your expression really amusing, maybe I should call my dad back over so I can see you do it all over again," he said as he calmed down.
"I'd rather not, he might you know, kick down the door and then we'd be found in this compromising position," I said taking a slight risk. I was hoping to probe into how he felt around issues of sexuality and possibly find out if he gay/queer/bi/something that'd give me a chance to be with him.
He suddenly grinned and said, "So, you don't want my dad to find out his son brought a boy home to molest?"
My eyes opened with surprise and shock. Was he just toying with me, or was he trying to suggest that he was into me in some way? I was even more unsure trying to take into context the fact that he was raised Christian and was pretty passionate about said religion. "Um, what are you insinuating?"
He rolled his eyes almost playfully and wordlessly bent forward pressing his lips against mine. In that moment, it felt like I was going to explode from a mixture of tension, relief, and indescribable pleasure. Stefan pulled away from the tentative kiss and grinned. "So, does that tell you why I locked the door?"
I bit my lip trying to contain a moan. "You sure that's what you want? What about your faith and the fact that your dad is down the hall?" I felt guilty in that moment. Maybe I had somehow coerced him into something that he'd regret later. Like, I had somehow corrupted him even though that was a pretty ridiculous notion.
"I'm still as Christian as ever, but I've read some more progressive Christian texts secretly behind my dad's back. I feel that sex and love is holy, just as long as all parties want it and no one is hurt."
"Does that mean you don't mind casual sex or sex before marriage?"
"Yeah, I have been thinking pretty hard about the Christianity I grew up with and what I came to understand of the world and decided that God really wouldn't consider sex for pleasure sin. Besides, if it were forbidden, why would it feel good and what are the bad things associated with it? Temptation doesn't cut it, besides, they've broken their own rules longer than they've been preaching."
"So, it's obvious that we're into each other. I guess I never told you that I'm gay and have been Out for a while." I said feeling a bit more comfortable around Stefan now that the initial burst of sexual tension was gone.
Even though our desire was practically palpable, Stefan was being considerate giving us a chance to talk. It turned out that he was actually straight, but found me intriguing enough to cause him to bend his sexual orientation. He had caught on pretty quickly that I didn't want him just as a friend, but didn't make anything of it. After all, he was used to having a crowd of girls crushing on him. But somehow, I had grown on him over time. I couldn't understand what he saw in me, but was glad that he saw something. The fact that I transcended his sexual orientation didn't really get through to me at the time.
After establishing our sexual histories (none on my part, a couple kisses on his) we discussed what we were looking for, hopes, and dreams. It felt good being so honest to someone about myself outside my small circle of girl friends.
During this time, Stefan has slipped off from his perch on top of me and had laid beside me on his double bed. We had mutually agreed upon how we wanted each other, wanting to explore our sexuality as far as we were comfortable that night, and to also open up and get to know one another to see how well we connected emotionally.
"Enough talking, I want you, now," Stefan said as he pulled me over so we were touching. I pressed our bodies together feeling his crotch pressing firmly against my own. We were about the same height so our eyes were at the same level. I was the one to initiate contact this time. Feeling that same nervous/excited energy, I pressed our lips together forcefully and felt Stefan accept me deepening the kiss. His tongue snaked out and easily entered my mouth. It was as if my whole body was filled with pleasure as I felt the wet appendage toy with my own. It was so strange, but at the same time, the hottest thing I'd ever felt.
I could feel Stefan wrap an arm around our waists pressing and grinding our still-clothed crotches together. I couldn't help but just grind back trying to get more friction. Pulling away from the kiss, Stefan's eyes were forced on me. There was something in his eyes that made me feel hot as he said, "You okay with going further?"
I nodded and said in a thick voice, "I want you so bad, want to do everything with you."
He smirked and reached between our bodies pulled down the front of my briefs and I winced as he touched my dick. He suddenly had a look of concern on his face.
"Sorry, just... Really sensitive, not used to anyone else touching me there," I said feeling embarrassed and just a bit nervous.
Stefan sat up and removed his shirt, then his boxers and looked at me mischievously. I felt awkward and knew if I could, I'd be blushing right now. I eyed Stefan's body drinking in his nude features. He puffed his chest up to try and look buff; I couldn't help but laugh softly (as his dad was in the house) at his antics. I liked everything I saw. He wasn't muscled or anything, but he was mostly smooth. His nipples were a shade lighter brown than his hair and were standing erect in the slightly cool air. From there, my eyes trailed down his arms which were a little bit hairy; that happy medium between hairless and Bear hairy that made him look more butch and therefore hot in my eyes.
Speaking of eyes, they roved to Stefan's stomach with a line of hair running and spidering away from the main line on his flat stomach down to his pubic bush. As my eyes locked on what I had been fantasizing about seeing for the past couple years, I tried to capture that memory to cherish. To remember the moment I had my hopefully first sexual experience.
Stefan's cock stood straight at a slightly upper angle from a small pubic bush (did he trim?). I drank in the features of his organ. It was the first time I had ever seen a cut dick and it looked pretty big to me. It looked fleshy and plump, but not obscenely long or thick like some porn stars were.
"Enjoying the view?" I was shaken from my reverie by Stefan's voice as my eyes immediately went down to the ground as they did when I was embarrassed.
"Yeah, I love your body, it's so unlike mine, but I like it because of that," I said as I brought my eyes back up to his. The sides of Stefan's eyes crinkled a bit as if they were smiling before he crawled back over me and commanded softly, "Strip, I won't hurt or judge you, promise."
I was about to ask for assurance when I looked into his eyes and all I could see was honesty, concern, and maybe a bit of affection. Steeling my nerves, I quickly slipped out of shirt and briefs as if I were jumping into cold water. I waited constantly fighting the urge to cover up my body as much as possible as I endured Stefan's curious gaze.
I felt his hands run up and down my legs as he murmured, "I like your legs, so smooth, but they look strong too. Do you shave them or something?"
I couldn't help but laugh softly. "Yeah, I do actually, I also shave my armpits and arms. Started as a dare for Halloween, haven't stopped because arm/leg stubble looks funny."
He smirked and pushed me to bed a bit forcefully. "You know, you're cute when you laugh. Makes me want to... Molest you," he said before pressing his naked body to my own again and ran his tongue up my neck and promptly kissed me again. I moaned and shivered involuntarily pressing up against him needily. We ended up rolling onto our sides in a tangle of arms and legs.
"So, what do you want to do?" Stefan asked as he made slow thrusts against my crotch after a few minutes of making out.
"Everything, I don't know what to do first. But I want you in me real bad." I said trying to maintain control of my voice with the intense feelings running through my body as if they were trying to escape.
"So, you want me to fuck you, tonight? Make love to you?" he purred as he thrust against me a bit more forcefully then before.
I nodded and felt a bit embarrassed by voicing all my secret desires. "You know I'm a bottom, right?"
"That's fine with me, I'm straight remember? Well, minus you. So, tell me everything you'd want to do."
"Errr, I want to know what it's like to give a blowjob, getting one doesn't really do anything for me, same with taking you. But, uh, I always imagined being able to touch your body, like caress it. Not sure about being touched, but it felt like I was on sensory overload or something."
Stefan looked amused right then. "If you were born as a girl, you'd be really popular with a lot of guys if you get actually get off to only pleasing a guy's body."
"Maybe, but I've got you right now and that's enough." I retorted as I kissed him once again forcefully.
"True. You know I like you as a guy and not because I see you as a replacement girl, right?" Stefan said after breaking the kiss. I could feel his breath right against my lips as he had barely moved his mouth away from mine. I kept on imagining our lips being locked again and how good it felt to kiss him.
"So, why did you break your straightness thing going, especially without experiencing girls first?"
"Dunno, just wasn't interested in any of the girls I saw, but you've wormed your way into my heart. Or dick. Whichever one. Your spazzy antics amuse me and I can tell you care a lot more for other people then what you show in the group. You're also pretty strong you know? Like, you stand up for what you believe in. Like how you took on that senior pastor when he was trying to prove that what we're doing right now is wrong. Kudos for using real life to counter the Bible. That all means you're far too cute to me to not want to molest."
"Pfft, if I'm cute, what does that make you? A God?"
"Maybe, but that'd make you my Goddess"
I swatted Stefan over the head with a pillow. "I'm not a girl, remember?"
He wiggled his eyebrows mischievously as if he was one of the Marx Brother and said, "Oh I know you're not a girl," before reaching between our bodies again to squeeze my crotch.
I yelped and really hoped Stefan's dad didn't hear it. I glared at Stefan as I repeated the gesture by groping him. Unfortunately it didn't have the same kind of effect.
Stefan instead moved so he was laying on his back and looked really comfortable. He had his arms folded behind his head as he watched me. "Go ahead and touch my cock. Jerk me off, blow me, massage my balls, play with my nipples, do whatever you want. I'll tell you what feels good or not, and if I'm about to cum. Oh, and it'd probably be better if I came first if you want me to fuck you later tonight, just so I'll last longer."
I nodded and crawled into the space between his legs which he spread to accommodate my body. With one hand on his cock, I slowly started stroking it feeling the warmth and hard squishiness, but more a lot more of it than I was used to. I was fascinated by his lack of foreskin as my other hand rubbed and toyed with the head. Stefan had propped his head up to watch me smirking. My hands moved away from his man-sized cock up his stomach and to his nipples. I rubbed them in circular motions with my thumbs watching Stefan's reaction as he closed his eyes in pleasure. I continued my exploration as each hand ran down each of his arms tracing the veins on the underside of his wrists and placed my hands in his. Once again, a place where my Asian genes bred true. His hands folded over mine easily.
Stefan smiled at me looking really amused as I focused my attention on his hands. I couldn't help it as his hands were calloused and his fingers were long. I linked our hands together as if we were holding hands. He looked at my quizzically as I was fascinated by his hands. Before long, I went back to exploring his body as I leaned forward running my fingers along his neck. He had an Adam's Apple, although not big, it was visible as I poked at it very gently curious about it. I barely had one and could only feel it if I poked around for that slightly painful spot. As I touched his face, he made a funny looking expression, like someone asleep and I couldn't help but giggle a bit.
I went back in between Stefan's legs to pay more attention to the fleshy bits sticking out between his legs. Feeling a bit more adventurous, I took the hand on the head of Stefan's cock off and replaced it with my mouth. It felt a LOT bigger than I was expecting. It felt like my mouth was being stretched and practically unhinged. I knew that Stefan was far from the really thick end of the dick spectrum but was thick enough to cause me displeasure. Damn Chinese genes for giving me my tiny mouth.
I tried to fit as much of Stefan's dick in my mouth remembering to keep my lips between my teeth and the fleshy rod that was invading my mouth. Stefan gasped and moaned softly as a look of extreme pleasure passed over his face. I experimented with actual sucking motions and slowly bobbing on the third that I could fit in my mouth. Stefan looked incredibly content before I suddenly pulled off again.
"Not big on giving head, my mouth is too small," I whined.
"Felt really good to me though! I love how you look struggling to fit my big cock into your tiny mouth,. Do it for me, please?" He pulled puppy dog eyes on me and pouted cutely.
"Fine, just warn me before you cum," I replied before taking the head of Stefan's cock into my mouth. He exhaled loudly and had closed his eyes as if savouring the sensation.
Honestly, dick didn't really taste good or bad. It just tasted like skin and fortunately, he didn't smell like locker room which I learned was the smell of unwashed crotch. I simply tried my best to please Stefan as best I could with my extreme inexperience. I could feel my jaws aching just from trying to accommodate the girth of the thing. Stefan was rocking into my mouth, enough that I didn't have to concentrate on bobbing, but not too much to make me gag. I pulled back to the head and held his hips down caressing and stroking the base and shaft with both of my hands. I decided to focus around the head as that was the most sensitive spot and poked my tongue around the tip in a fluttering motion that I had read about. Stefan gasped and almost jumped in my mouth.
"Heh, feels really good. Keep it up, I want to have a load of my seed in each end of you before the night is over," he said trying to sound really sexy as he leered at me.
Hearing him say those words turned me on even though I knew they were kind of cheesy at the same time. I moaned softly as Stefan and his hot body dominated my mind. I wanted him to cum in me. I wanted to feel what it felt like to have someone's seed shoot inside me and to know that a part of them would be inside me.
I pulled off Stefan's dick just to run my tongue from base to tip again grinning up at him as I ran my tongue around the head a few times. He whispered words of encouragement. "Yeah, just suck my dick a bit more" "Get that hot little mouth back on me" "Your tongue feels really hot rubbing against my head".
All this time, he had been letting me do most of the work. Suddenly, I felt his hands on my head as he gently controlled my movements. He was getting a lot jerkier in his small thrusts and his breathing a lot more erratic. Without him saying anything, I knew he was on the brink of orgasm. He pulled my head down forcing the blunt head of his cock into my throat and gasped and moaned softly as he suddenly came. I wasn't too happy about being gagged, but his hands were loose enough that I managed to pull enough to not activate my gag reflex. I felt the hot fluid go down my throat and fill my mouth. It tasted a lot saltier then my own, but I swallowed it obediently.
Stefan's hands fell away from my head as I slowly pulled off tonguing the head as he squirmed. "Too much! Stop for a few moments so I can recover!" he said while trying not to laugh.
I pulled off, but not before flicking my tongue against the tip once more and grinned. "Sorry, I enjoyed making you squirm. Serves you right for trying to drown me in your cum though. Your plan foiled and I'm still alive!"
He giggled his eyes lighting up even though it was seconds after his orgasm. "Yeah, sure, I wanted you to drown you in my cum so I could fuck your dead body. You know how much I love that necrophilia," he said motioning wildly as if to imitate the act of fucking a dead body.
I rolled my eyes and snuggled up against him using his chest as a pillow. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up for a quick kiss.
"Thanks, that was really great and I'm really sorry for getting out of control there for a moment. I've never felt anything so good before and I guess I kind of spazzed," he said seriously. I felt my stomach drop as it did so often around him, but it felt really warm too.
I smiled at him and caressed his shoulders mapping his body with my fingers. "I forgive you, but we need to talk a bit about what's going to happen next.." I was hoping that he was able to shift to responsible mode as I'd seen at the youth group when he needed to.
"Sure, I know what to do. I've got a couple kinds of lube and some condoms hidden under the floorboard."
"Uh, since we were both virgins, do you think we need condoms?"
"Dunno, heard you could still get Hepatitis barebacking."
"I cleaned myself out as best I could. Do you want to take the risk or play it safe?"
"Eh, I'm fine with either, honestly, I don't mind chancing it. That and my straight guy side wants to shoot my seed in you and get you pregnant." He grinned and leered at me again.
"I'd have your babies if I could, but since I'm a boy, I can't."
"But you're -my- boy though. And I'm going to totally try my best to get you pregnant. May take a few tries, or a couple hundred tries, but it's the process that counts."
I growled softly and bit his collar lightly. "I'd like that. I don't mind barebacking if you don't mind. But I'm going back into the shower after all is said and done."
"Kay, get off so I can go fetch the lube."
I laughed and looked at him queerily. "Sure I'll get off, want me to cum all over your face?"
He rolled his eyes and pushed me off of him as he got up and went to a corner of his room, moved the chair away, and lifted up the floorboard to get at his stash. I got out of bed as well to investigate what kind of treasures he had in there. Inside was a case of condoms, a few varieties of lube, some guides on safer sex (from school?), and a ruler.
"Hey, what's the ruler for?" I asked as I peered over his shoulder with a hand on his shoulder to steady myself and just for the contact.
"Measuring my dick of course. And for spanking naughty boys who've gotten into trouble."
I giggled and pulled the ruler out taking it to the bedside table. Stefan brought his bottle of lube.
"I had to get all these things in secret, luckily, my dad isn't too nosy because I'm such a model student and Christian." He rolled his eyes and laughed. "So, want to measure the rod that'll be rammed up your gut soon, or do you want to be spanked?"
I picked up the ruler and pushed Stefan to the bed. "Measure you of course. Might try spanking another time." I knelt between his legs again and noticed that his cock had gone down to a semi. I put it in my mouth again sucking and running my tongue along that flap of skin on the underside of the shaft and felt Stefan's cock slowly expand in my mouth. After I deemed he was fully hard, I pulled off noting how shiny the head looked with my spit, and lined the ruler up from the base. After fiddling around with it to try and get it in the right place, I looked at the spot where the tip of his dick ended.
"Woah, that's like, just over 7.5 inches. You think you can get it all in me?"
He looked really hot and aroused and said, "Yeah, I think I'll be able to make your asshole stretch to accommodate my cock. But just barely. Wonder if your hole is going to be as small and tight as your mouth was."
He pushed me off and guided me onto my back this time. He knelt between my legs as he slowly caressed my body. I bit my lip feeling the warmth and roughness of his hands, yet felt like it was putting me in sensory overload at the same time.
"It's kind of funny. I'm younger than you by nearly 6 months, yet I'm the one that's practically done puberty. You look like I did when I was 14."
I looked up at Stefan and was afraid suddenly. "You don't mind though? I hope that I'll be maturing more soon, my body hasn't changed much in the past couple years besides gaining more hormones and a bit more hair growth."
Stefan shook his head seriously. "On the contrary, makes me feel hot. Like I need to protect you like a big brother." He leered again and added, "but you aren't my little brother which would be weird so I can fuck you all I want."
I giggled and pulled him down for another quick kiss. I swear, I could get addicted to kissing with how much playing tongue tag drove me up the wall. I couldn't help but moan softly as I felt his hands cup my head. He pulled away and grinned. Without saying anything, he grabbed the lube from where he had put it on the table and squirted some into his hand. I took the pillows and put them under my butt/lower back feeling increasingly nervous wondering how much feeling his cock inside me would hurt and if I'd actually get pleasure out of it.
Stefan hiked my legs up onto his shoulders as we met eyes for a moment. In that moment, I saw lust, pure desire, desire for me in his eyes. I finally understood. That he desired me for being me, and not because I was available. By some miracle, I had found someone that wanted -me-.
I felt a wet finger press against my hole and push in. It felt very odd and different from my own fingers when I experimented in the shower with fingers covered in soap suds. His finger made a couple slow thrusting motions inside me before I felt another finger join it. At this point, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable. I rarely used more than two fingers, mostly because my fingers were too short to really do much. Either that or I couldn't find my own prostate/didn't have a fully developed one. He continued trying to stretch me open and get me looser. I tried my best to relax and push back as I had read so often on the Internet. He managed a third finger which caused my eyes to bug open for a moment. It felt like his fingers were just barely small enough enough to fit inside my anal passage. He continued his work switching to a scissoring motion. I wondered right then if he was as virgin as he said he was, or if he had read up on gay sex or something of the sort. I didn't think your average teenage straight guy knew how to prepare someone for anal sex.
He pulled his fingers out wiping them on a towel he brought before I heard the squirting noise of lube being applied to his fingers. He practically pushed more and more lube inside me. It felt really strange feeling the sticky fluid inside me, but I endured it knowing that without it, I'd be in intense pain. After a few minutes, I was used to having three fingers sliding inside my passage and thought that they slid in and out really smoothly. I felt Stefan's fingers withdraw once again and the sound of the bottle of lube and a squishing sound. I assumed he was lubing up his cock. My assumptions were right as I felt something blunt and hard pressing up against my opening.
Stefan looked down at me concern mirrored in his eyes. "Hey, you ready? I'm a bit afraid that I'll lose control and hurt you, just so you know. But I want this. I want to feel what it's like to be inside you and be connected to you."
"Go ahead, just take it slow, just try to get the head in. Heard the hardest part is to get past the sphincter," I said trying to hide my own nervousness from my voice.
I felt Stefan's hips move as he pressed his cock against my hole. For a moment, all I saw was stars as I felt my sphincter give way to the large intruder. I wanted to cry out, but I held it in as I felt Stefan continue to push steadily into my body. He suddenly stopped and leaned over kissing me. I took that moment to moan into his mouth as he practically forced his tongue down my throat. It was as if he was penetrating me twice.
He pulled away from my mouth and gave me a smile looking for any trace of pain. Suddenly, the pain flared in my mind. He had just gotten the head in if my guess was correct. I scrunched my eyes closed and uttered between gritted teeth, "Ow,". Stefan stopped and waited for me. It felt like my whole ass was on fire, and it felt like something that was too big to fit inside my tiny passage -such as a log as people commonly use as a metaphor- was forcing its way inside me. I gritted my teeth and nodded. I wanted to see if I could just endure the pain like I would if I were to rip off a bandage.
Stefan continued and groaned softly before saying, "Feels even hotter and tighter than your mouth. You've got a couple inches of my dick inside you so far, but I think you can take all seven and a half inches." He grinned and ran his hands up and down my left leg stopping his intrusion for a bit.
"Curse you Asian genes, why couldn't I have been born with black hair and eyes instead of a tiny mouth and butt?" I said trying to joke a bit.
"Au Contraire, I like how tight you are. Feels really great around my cock." He sat back up again and I saw his hand move down between my legs again, I assumed to help guide his cock further into my body. I felt him pushing more as I felt his member slide further and further into my core. It felt like it took hours, but in reality, it probably only took five minutes. I had no idea how Stefan had the patience or restraint to not just slam into me.
By the time I felt his pubes pressing against my ass cheeks, I felt really strange. I was in awe as I realized that I was connected to Stefan in such an intimate way. I felt a piece of Stefan deep inside me, my core. I had also given my virginity to him. There was no blood (fortunately) or a hymen to break (not that too many girls had them in this day and age) but the symbolic significance of feeling a cock deep inside me for the first time was mesmerizing. It wasn't just any cock, but Stefan's cock, the guy whom I had been crushing on since the first time I heard him sing two years ago. Suddenly, a mischievous thought appeared in my mind.
"I just realized something. We're committing sodomy inside your Christian house with your dad down the hall from us," I said cheekily grinning evilly.
Stefan cracked a smile as well as he leaned back over me and started biting and nibbling my lower lip. "I know, and that's so hot. Although I honestly don't believe what we're doing is wrong, thinking about making passionate love to you, a boy, is making me even more hot and bothered." He growled and made a small thrust inside me.
I gasped and moaned pushing back against his cock wanting to feel it all inside me again. I assume he noticed my reaction and smirked again and made a few short, jarring thrusts. His cock shifted inside me rubbing and pushing against things inside me. I softly said coarsely that I wanted him to go harder and how much I loved his big cock.
Stefan got back on his knees so he was staring down at me as he made slow, deep thrusts inside me. I could feel his cock slide out of me before he slammed in hard. He repeated this a few times in varying speeds. Each time he pulled out, it felt like my passage was closing back up, and each thrust in felt like I was being forced wide open again to accommodate his hefty organ. I wanted to cry out how much this turned me on but knowing we had to keep quiet stopped me from doing so.
Suddenly, Stefan pushed in really hard and ground his crotch up against my ass. I could feel his cock shift around inside me. I pulled myself up just to drag Stefan back down on top of me searching for his lips and moaned into his mouth to stifle the sound. He used the small, quick thrusts inside me again as I wrapped my arms under his armpits trying to press our bodies closer together than was possible. I felt that I needed to be even further connected to Stefan's body then just through his dick and my ass. I tried flexing out my internal muscles which caused Stefan to moan into my mouth this time He stopped with his dick all the way inside me to enjoy the sensation and I could feel him throb inside me.
He then pulled out and said huskily, "Get on your hands and knees, I want to fuck you doggie style and breed you."
I looked up and could see his hard cock covered in lube and was still shocked that I had managed to get that all the way inside me. I complied and was on my hands and knees. Stefan put his towel under me in case I came before positioning himself behind me. I felt him enter me again, this time a lot rougher as he slid in hard and fast. I gasped as Stefan commented how good it felt to be inside me again.
He had his hands holding onto my hips as he started a fast and rough pace as he slammed into my passage. I really liked how rough he was, it felt good and his dominance over me was making my inner self shudder in pleasure. His hands strayed feeling up my back to my chest and my pink nipples and the fleshy area that wasn't quite breast, not quite chest. I flinched as he pinched them and rubbed them as he continued his rough pistoning in and out of my body. His hands continued their wandering further down past my stomach and one hand wrapped around my dick. He stroked me causing me to wince, but I couldn't very well swat his hand away.
"Just focus on your own pleasure, this is making me feel really good except for you trying to give me a handjob," I said hoping he wasn't offended by what I said.
"Okay, if that's what you want... I'm going to fuck you so hard now that I'll be pressing you into the bed," he growled by my ear.
Suddenly, he was thrusting really forcefully, hard enough to cause move my hips and body forward. I let my arms rest on the bed a bit relieved by not having my body weight being placed on them as he forced me onto my stomach with each thrust. Before long, he was laying on top of me pressing me into the mattress.
He was breathing heavily by my ear and started biting and suckling around the back of my neck lightly. He was fucking me at a different angle and it felt even better in this position as it felt like he was drilling into me and it felt like he was even bigger, or he was using the whole extent of his cock or something.
I wrapped my arms around his back and managed to lock our arms together vaguely in a hand holding gesture as I felt Stefan growl that he was getting close. I concentrated on squeezing and massing his cock with my inner muscles and grinding into the bed. I wanted to feel him cum inside me then and claim me as his. His for the moment, his for eternity, it didn't matter to me.
Stefan was slamming into me hard and fast, so erratically that I knew that he was in pure frenzy mode. He wasn't thinking, just feeling and trying to get his nut. He groaned and I felt him dig his cock deep inside me and pressing me as hard as he could into the mattress. His hands were gripping mine in a nigh death grip and I felt it. I felt the hot warmth shooting inside me. I felt each spurt of his seed shoot inside me, and the shudder of his cock like a miniature shock wave as it deposited its offering deep inside me. Somehow, from the sheer overload in mind-pleasure of feeling him orgasming and shooting inside me, I came grinding into the towel.
The world shifted for a moment as my mind blanked out with endorphins racing through my body. I buried my face into the pillow and moaned as Stefan moaned into my neck. For those few seconds, it seemed like the world stood still and everything was alright. That I felt loved, desired, and there were no struggles to deal with. No more fear of being disowned by a Chinese mother. No more fear of her constant put downs. No more worrying about if she'll get enough work days this month so we could survive. No more bitterness towards the system which granted privileges to white educated women before yellow educated women with foreign credentials. No more homophobia, no more having to stand up for myself and my rights in a system that pretended to have my interests at heart but was slowly suffocating me. No more being made fun of for having a different body by those whom I'm supposed to call peers. No more sensing discomfort from the white middle class gay boys in social spaces where they know that I might be looking for someone to get involved with. No more feeling so desperate that I felt like I had to go to the gay bar where I knew I'd feel uncomfortable to possibly have a chance of finding someone. No, for this moment, I was in the arms of someone I really liked. For this moment, I knew that I was desired as he had just taken my virginity (and I his, in the sense of his first time penetrating).
I twisted my chest around so I could lean up and kiss Stefan. It was a lazy kiss, the kiss of post-coital bliss. It felt good, and it felt good feeling Stefan's cock still inside me, still hard.
"Wow, that was intense, did you cum or was I imagining things as I felt your ass muscles twitching around my cock?" he said lazily as he pulled out grabbing the towel from under me to clean off his dick.
"Yeah, I came without touching myself. Can't believe I did that. Can we do that again soon?" I felt really empty when he withdrew. I grabbed the towel from him. I cleaned his dick for him watching him squirm as I stroked him a few times with the towel. I still couldn't believe that he had been inside me just moments before and had given me my most intense experience of my life.
He pushed me back onto my stomach and proceeded to clean my butt with the towel and threw it onto the floor. After he was done, I got out from under him and got up on my hands and knees staring into his eyes. All I could see and feel from his was content happiness, and eyes full of mischievous affection. It made me feel really warm inside to see that and I wondered what this feeling was.
"Let's take a shower together. Put your briefs and shirt back on. We'll air out the room and put away the stuff again first so he hopefully won't get too suspicious if he wakes up," he said as he broke our gaze.
We did as Stefan said and snuck quietly to the bathroom. Luckily, Stefan's dad's door was closed and appeared to still be asleep. Inside, we stripped once again and got into the shower.
The hot water was fogging up the room a bit as we stood there facing one another lazily kissing. We nibbled and bit, licked and sucked. Our hands roamed the other's body slowly for a while. "Hey, let's actually clean up, we can do this in bed again and not waste all the hot water," I said softly with a half smile on my face.
We washed the other's body. I was getting used to his touch, it wasn't quite so scorching hot anymore, but a pleasant sensation. After we got out, we toweled each other off, dressed, and crept back to Stefan's room.
After locking his door again, we shed what little we were wearing and jumped into his bed nude. We spooned with him wrapping his arms around me even though I was physically larger than him. I could feel his dick in my crack, but he was soft now, yet I still felt that stir inside me. I felt really content even if his breath was tickling the hairs on the back of my neck.
We ended up falling asleep (side by side, not spooning) after he mumbled feeling tired and I felt really content for once. No more raging against the pent up desires that ran through my body this night.
The next morning, I felt a slick finger press up against my sphincter again and twisted my body to face one Stefan on his knees pressing a finger up inside me once again and with a raging hard-on between his legs that looked really big and needed to be sated.
"Sorry, couldn't resist. Was so horny that I just had to have you again," he said looking a bit sheepish, but leered at me once more.
It felt good being desired. "Trying that necrophilia thing again? Having sex with a sleeping person instead of a dead person?"
"Of course, now excuse me as I fuck you silly again. I want to see if I can fill you up with enough of my cum that you'll become pregnant." He grinned and proceeded to prepare me to be fucked once more. Perhaps this time he'd manage to get me pregnant...