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Chapter 14
The advice Mary and Anna gave me was perfect. The Wednesday after we returned from France, I cracked the script for the first time in days. I kept thinking about a line, "Pass the grits, please" in a scene, fixated on it really, and it was like the entire character fell into place for me. I suddenly got him and I had his voice, soft and easy, almost melodic, with a beautiful southern lilt. Despite the crushing poverty of their lives, Sam was decent, honest, and pure. He thought rarely of himself and instead focused on others. The family didn't have much and what protein was on the table he was going to make sure went to the younger kids. He would be fine with grits.
He was the oldest child, the one whose overwhelmed parents depended on to help with the kids and the grandparents. He'd dropped out of school to work during the day to help provide for them all. His place was to help them build their lives.
The character, his backstory, everything... It came to me in a flood, like being knocked over and I actually teared up because for the first time since Gloria told me the story, I felt emotionally connected to the character. Now, it was so clear to me that his motivation was altruism and love. Sam wasn't driven by self-abnegation, he wasn't being aesthetic, nor did he derive pleasure from helping his family do something more than he would. No, Sam was pure, someone that did things for others without any expectation of repayment or reward. This was his life and it was beautiful.
I teared up a little thinking about it as we sat down to eat and my mother asked what was wrong, so I told her about my little epiphany and she looked cross.
"You read the book?"
I shook my head, "No, ma'am. In fact, you weren't the only one who told me not to, and I didn't."
"OK, so how did you arrive at this insight?"
"There's a scene where they're at dinner and he asks for the grits after they've said their prayer before eating. His first instinct was to ask for the cheapest food on the table so that the people he cared for were sure to get enough," I actually started to tear up a bit as I told her this. This character, this man, was an angel in human form and now that I understood him there was no mystery left. "It's just who Sam is; He's not living for other people; he's making sure they can live for themselves."
My mom had the strangest look on her face, a mixture of shock and I'm pretty sure parental pride. I finally had to ask her, "What?"
"It's just... uhm... You nailed it. That's the book. The entire book is about that, just an ordinary man doing for others..."
"And expecting nothing in return," I finished.
She took a deep breath, "Yeah. That you picked that up from a line is impressive because that scene in the book goes for page after page."
I just shrugged, "I've probably read that scene 20 times, but this afternoon is the first time I really understood."
"I can't wait to see this because it's going to be a really good adaptation if this is the direction you're going."
Zach arrived a few minutes later and I excitedly told him that I'd found it.
"Found what?" he asked, smirking.
"Sam!"
"Sam?"
"Oh, stop! You know what I'm talking about," I said as I spun on my heel and started to walk away.
He grabbed, my upper arm, easily pulling me back to collide with him as he came in for a kiss. As he broke it, I took a second, then opened my eyes to see him smiling.
"I couldn't resist and I'm very happy for you!"
I smiled, "Thank you!"
Seeing him like this, relaxed and having fun with me, made me extremely happy as it further reinforced his assurance with me. Our relationship had only grown deeper and I had to admit, I liked the secure, tough, Zach. He'd always been this way, but with so much worry and anxiety mixed in, it made him occasionally nervous and weird. Now, with all that purged, he was completely the man I'd fallen in love with. He was still so considerate at times it made my heart ache, but he was just different... more forceful and there was no attempt to hide his more aggressive side from me. In short, he was no longer worried about breaking my hand when he shook it. It wasn't about trusting me, he trusted himself with me.
Zach and I flew to down for the LA premier early Thursday afternoon. Even getting through the airport was something of a nightmare since people wanted autographs and selfies while we were trying to get to a plane before they closed the door.
As we walked down the jetway, I looked over at Zach to see him smiling. He noticed me and said, "It's OK, babe. This is just how it's going to be." Then he reached out for my hand.
The studio, given the success we'd enjoyed in Europe and the hype in the US, had graciously agreed to fly us first class tonight and back tomorrow evening. It was probably the only nice thing they'd done since the blow up in Cannes at the press avail. That ended up occupying way too much of my time, and Jimmys, as every troll homo in the universe came for me. Thankfully, there were a growing number of people who realized why I was fighting that line of thinking so desperately and they were increasingly coming to my defense. I'd done an interview with MSNBC about it Monday night that went surprisingly well.
Watching Zach now, with people, was also a treat. His more dominant and assertive side was coming out all over now and it was so fucking sexy. It reminded me of seeing him on the field during a game when he'd just own the other team. As people approached us in the airport, he was always close, just a little wary and completely prepared to act. It was like having a body guard but he wasn't there to strong arm people away, just ready in case something went wrong.
We arrived in LA just after 530 and ended up changing in the bathroom at the airport because traffic was such a mess that we weren't going to be able to meet Tom at the office first. Instead, we went directly to the premier, arriving just a tad later than we'd originally planned. Everyone had told me it was going to be a big event, but it was Jimmy who was the most accurate and gave me the best advice.
"Start smiling before you get out of the car. Wave, to the press and the crowd, and if a reporter asks you a question on the carpet that you feel like answering, go ahead but do not engage on anything stupid. The flashes..."
"Jimmy, I'm a model. I'm used to cameras!" I replied, laughing just a bit.
"This is different, Tate. Do not look up, keep your eyes level and always know what the path in front of you looks like in case there's a little flash blindness. Seriously, man, this is not the same."
Jimmy was right. This made Cannes look like a showing in the suburbs. There were people and cameras everywhere and Zach, sensing that I was about to break down, grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I looked up into his eyes and felt peace descend. After that, I was ready as we walked from the car to the carpet and chatted just a bit with press while posing for pictures. It was weird DOING something you'd seen others do and hoping you didn't look stupid, that you'd appear totally calm and professional, at least outwardly. This time was going to be rough, I thought as we finally walked into the theater. Next time will be old hat.
We ran into Tommy as we were walking in and he was all smiles. He gave me a hug and whispered to me, "This is fucking unbelievable."
Stupidly, I responded. "Which part?"
"You will not believe some of the people who showed up for this."
Zach and I checked in with Tom, who introduced us to some people from the studio, then we wandered around meeting people. There were celebrities all over the place and it was, as Tommy said, unbelievable. I was a little shell shocked, but I felt like I was playing it off and handling things well. Zach didn't seem to be fazed by any of it, completely calm and ready for anything. At one point he whispered to me, "You're doing very well, babe." I looked back at him, smiling, and nodded. To me, it was all a little much. I knew there would be celebrities here but I had no idea it would be this big. Despite the positive press and awards from Cannes, I'd been in a bubble concentrating on finals and preparing for our move. I was graduating in a week and then I would start Summer Moon almost immediately. I'd been oblivious to everything for Love Story, except for an interview Jimmy set up with TMZ which went really well and the MSNBC interview about my comments at the press avail.
I should have known this would be an event, but I just didn't realize.
We ran into Anna, who wore a wide grin, as we walked around. I couldn't help but smile back at her.
"You look amazing!" she said, as she gave me a hug.
"Thank you and so do you," I told her. "I also have some good news!"
"Oh really? What?"
I was so excited I felt like I was going to burst as I told her, "I found Sam!"
Her eyes went wide, "The break worked?"
I laughed, "Any time I have a problem from now on, I'm going to you and Mary! It worked like a charm. I have the voice, the motivation, how he moves, everything. I'm ready, Anna. I'm really ready!"
She squealed and hugged me again!
"I'm so happy! I can't wait to get started!"
"Same."
About 30 minutes later they pulled us into the theater and I got to watch the movie again and realized I was wrong to have ever doubted myself. I realized I was good not because I was trained well, I was good because I became the character. There had been some imposter syndrome going on, the natural outcome of people raving about how well you did and not really knowing what had happened or how to duplicate it.
Now, I got it. That's why finding Sam meant so much to me. I was never going to play every part that was put in front of me well. Those I needed to avoid. I could only do things that spoke to me, that made me feel some sort of passion.
I heard Zach as he leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Stop thinking about it and get back into the movie."
I glanced over to see him smiling at me. For the rest of my life, that face would always be there and the man wearing it would always have a ringside seat to whatever was going on in my head.
ZACH
When the movie ended, Tate did photos with Davis and Tommy, then we went to the party where, thankfully, there was actual food. Granted, it was cocktail food but to a hungry giant like me, ANY food is good when you're starving.
While I gorged myself, Tate was making the rounds with Davis meeting people and thanking them for coming. I was glancing at my phone when Jake Hansen walked up.
"Dude! This all for you?" he asked, gesturing at the platter of hors d'oeuvres on the table in front of me.
I replied, still chewing on my last, "If you can grab it before I do, it's yours"
Jake laughed as he pulled up a chair and sat down with me, "These things can be really tedious. My ex hated them."
"I don't mind. I know it's important and he seems to be having a good time, just wish we'd been able to eat something before we left San Francisco."
"I keep forgetting you guys aren't local. When are you moving down?"
I shook my head, "We're not. I'm starting Stanford this fall and Tate's starting at San Jose State. We're going to stay tied down to the Bay."
"That's going to be a problem for him, you know?"
I shrugged, "We're going to be around. He certainly will, though probably from SJC more than SFO. He's so used to being on planes from modelling that it'll kind of be fun for him."
"I hope so. I really enjoyed meeting you guys and I was kind of looking forward to seeing you more often."
"Same, bro," I said, holding my fist out for him to bump. "What did you think of the movie?"
Jake sat back and sighed, "I know what I want to say, but I don't know how you're going to react to it."
I smiled, "You're fine, man. Seriously, you're not going to piss me off unless you say something dumb like you hated it."
Jake laughed, "Not at all. In fact, I liked it FAR more than I thought I would. To be honest, watching him, it was the first time in my life I've thought of another man as hot."
I nodded, "He is. It's natural..."
"No, you don't understand. It's the first time..."
"No, BRO, I get it. You don't have to say it."
"It's weird, you know? I've always been straight as an arrow."
"Jake, you're not gay. There's a difference between wanting to fuck someone because they're beautiful, even a dude, and loving them."
"This is weird, isn't it?"
That was the thing, for me it wasn't. I'd recently had a similar conversation with a junior on my football team who thought he might be gay because he jerked off one night thinking about Tate. Last fall, that little admission would have landed him in the hospital to have his jaw wired shut. Now, I took it in stride.
"Maybe because we don't know each other that well, but in terms of the subject, no. You're not even the first straight guy to bring this up recently and I can only imagine there will be more after this weekend."
He smiled, "Goddamn, son. You're the coolest motherfucker I know."
THAT was saying something coming from a guy whose last movie grossed almost $300 million.
I smiled back at him, "You say that like you're just now figuring it out."
He sat back in his chair, "Whatever," he replied with a smile. We ended up chatting a bit more and he asked when we'd be back. I told him for Anna's party definitely, but with Tate's schedule for Summer Moon and photo shoots, I didn't think we'd be back much more than that.
"Well, I may have to fly up there and have lunch with you at some point."
That made me pause. This was a guy who honestly wanted a friend and we got along well enough so he was putting it out there to see if I'd pick it up.
"Man, I'd love that!"
Not long after, Tommy came over and sat down with us, sighing deeply. He looked over at me, shaking his head.
"I don't know how he does it. He just keeps going, laughing and shaking hands like he's running for something."
Jake laughed, "That's what he's supposed to be doing. For that matter, so are you!"
Tommy ducked his head, "Nah, I need a break."
"If you're already folding up under pressure, what are you going to do when your first really big movie comes out?" Jake asked. It was a legit question, given the track Tommy was proceeding down.
Tommy shrugged, "I'll deal with it. I just a need a break right now."
The whole thing, if I'm honest, made me really dislike Tommy for the first time since meeting him. THIS WAS WORK, and Tate treated it that way.
I leaned back in my chair, "Tate keeps going because he knows everyone is depending on him." I said it in too angry a tone and I could see Tommy's eyes go wide.
"I'm sorry," he said as he got up. "I wasn't thinking about the bigger picture."
I nodded back to him, "I didn't mean that how it came out..."
Tommy shook his head, "No, I get it and you don't need to apologize. You're right and I'm being a jerk." He walked back out and immediately greeted a couple I didn't recognize.
I looked over at Jake as he cleared his throat, "What?"
"He needed that."
I nodded back, "Yeah, but I think I may have been a little too rough on him."
Jake shook his head, "Nope. He needed to hear that, just that way. He needs to know this is a job or he's going to have a very short career."
I laughed, "Well, it's not his career I'm concerned about."
Jake smiled, "Yeah, I got that. Tate's working..."
"...and he's fucking not. I know I'm being kind of cunty about it, but I watched Tate through the entire production and post. He even prepped for those stupid TV interviews, took them all seriously, and listened to every inane criticism that came to him from the publicity people. He was a machine, he continues to be, and Tommy needs a fucking break? I know he worked hard, too, but nut the fuck up!"
Jake had a huge smile on his face, "Man, I know we've known each other less than a week, but DAMN... I really do hope you consider me a friend."
I nodded, "Absolutely."
It felt good. I was making some friends of my own in Tate's world and it would make things easier on me as his career exploded.
Later, we grabbed something to eat with Tommy, Jake, and Davis. Tate was absolutely famished, having had exactly one crab puff and a protein shake since lunch. Tate and Jake were talking about some science fiction book they'd read that they thought would make a good movie. It didn't take Davis long to pick up on it.
"Have you picked out a role for yourself?" he asked.
Tate shook his head, "No, there isn't one for me in it."
Jake smiled, "No, you could play Paul."
"But in most of the book he's like 80? No one's going to believe me as an 80-year-old!"
Davis blurted out, "The protagonist is 80?"
Tate nodded, "Well, one of them is. There's also a youngish woman, a Blatino kid, and a big beefy law enforcement type."
"That would be me," Jake blurted out, then continued, "You could be Roberto Richardson!"
"Oh, fuck you!"
Which prompted laughter all around, though three of us had no idea what they were talking about. After dinner, we met Anna at a club which slapped hard. I didn't have a decent fake yet, but I had Darren's California license that helped me pass since we actually did look alike, as long as you didn't look too closely. Tate had the fake he'd paid a lot of money for in New York and it worked like a champ, as always.
The club was a lot of fun and we got recognized a few times, but for the most part the crowd was chill. It gave us time to relax and meet some friends of Anna's and, because my man loved to, dance.
We'd been on the floor for a while and then this song came on that really got to me. As we danced, I focused on him and actually listened to the lyrics of the song
What I've learned about love is when you fall, you fly And I'd fall a thousand times before I'll say goodbye As we stand here at these crossroads Is it the end of the line Or the start of the rest of our lives?
I saw him looking into my eyes and I could feel myself tear up, as I leaned into kiss him deeply. I was little blown away by the song and how it made me feel. I'd never really been touched by music like that, but I FELT that song. It was me and this was absolutely the start of the rest of our lives. I wasn't in my head any more. I didn't second guess the things he did and said and I could read him so well, and he could me, that it's like we were psychically connected.
As I broke the kiss, I moved by hands lower on his body and pulled him close to me, feeling him relax and let me hold him. I felt the same way I'd felt when I first saw his picture in GQ two years before, like anything was possible. I was strong enough for us both, and there was nothing that would ever make me let him go.
The next morning, we got up late and had to rush to meet Tom. We were having breakfast with him, then going to Jimmy's office to meet with him and Ben. That was the meeting I'd been looking forward to since Ben had impressed me negotiating his deal for Love Story and Tate described Jimmy as `the guy you'd expect if pure malevolence had a body and a face'.
I obviously wanted to meet my new bestie!
When we got to the restaurant, Tom was all smiles as he stood up to greet us. In very hushed tones he told us the presales through midnight last night, $21 million.
Tates smiled, "That's for how many days forward?" he asked. I was shocked, I wasn't even thinking about that, just thought those were for the next day.
"It's week ahead, through next Thursday but the breakdown is overwhelmingly for the next 24-48 hours."
"Wow. That's better than we expected, right?" Tate asked.
Tom nodded, "It brings us up to a potential opening weekend of $34 million and that would put us at right around $48 million globally. This time next week, you'll have probably earned almost $1.7 million from your cut of the gross."
Tate looked shocked, "That's more than 10 years modelling," he managed to sputter out.
"Well, I guess we now know the highest and best use of your time," Tom said, laughing, clearly missing how out of it Tate really was. Tate had grown up comfortable and he knew his mother would inherit some real wealth when his grandfather passed, but he'd never thought of making money like this. He'd depended on himself and his mother often had to insist she be allowed to do something for him. All of it, every part, stemmed from how his father treated him and his mother while his was the sole paycheck and even after his mother had gone back to work. He wasn't like my father; he was an asshole about money and it was only modelling that had allowed Tate some freedom. He'd only recently begun to open up about the damage his dirtbag father had done to him over the years, and I'd been thinking about taking another trip to Texas.
I looked at Tom and gently shook my head, mouthing BE GENTLE to him, which he apparently understood.
"Tate, I know this is all a bit of a shock, but you have someone to help you with money, right?"
"Uh huh," he softly replied, still staring sort of blankly at the table. At that point the waiter came over and we ordered, Tate blurting out `Eggs Benedict' a little too loudly which drew attention from nearby tables. Fortunately, none of them seem compelled to come over and say anything.
After the waiter left, he looked over at Tom.
"I know you said this was going to be big, but this means it's really big, right?"
Tom looked at him curiously, "Tate, is it the money that's shocked you or the size of the audience?"
"The audience," he answered without hesitation.
Tom leaned forward, "It's like agoraphobia. The world seems really big..."
"And everyone knows me."
Tom nodded, "You can handle this, Tate. I know this is a shock, but this is going to be your life now. You can't hide from it. The world is quickly getting to know you and they're falling in love."
This was something I'd figured out months ago and honestly thought Tate understood. Now, it was crystal clear he didn't. He'd legitimately thought this was going to be a small arthouse movie. It was now going to make, domestically, more this weekend than he thought it would in its entire run.
He finally looked over at me, his eyes wide and clearly apologetic. It made me start to tear up because I knew what was coming.
"I'm sorry. You were right and I'm really sorry."
I smiled as my eyes began to water, "Baby, I'm thrilled. You EARNED this. There is absolutely nothing to be sorry for."
He smiled, "OK..." he replied softly as he used his napkin to wipe away his tears. Then he straightened up, cleared his throat and looked at Tom.
"Sorry, this was something we talked about before I even went to audition for the role. He knew it was going to be really big and I was sure it wasn't."
Tom nodded, "I king of figured that," he replied, smiling. "The kind of instant success you're walking into will cause some disruptions, but like Zach said, you earned this and while you can't turn it off, you can turn it down."
Tate laughed, "Yeah, I'm avoiding social media right now."
"That's good. Don't get overwhelmed, and remember you have a lot of people around you who love you and are here for you."
Tate sighed, sitting up in the chair, regaining some of his composure.
"We're going to see Ben and Jimmy after breakfast."
Tom smiled, "Good. They're doing a good job for you." And he looked at me, "And for you."
I know I looked puzzled, "What do you mean?"
"They've already killed some sites who were ripping on your relationship. Jimmy, I don't know how he did it, but he got one of them shut completely down."
"About me?" I asked, stupidly. I was having my own moment.
Tom sat back, laughing just a little, "My dude, you're going to play D1 football and you're dating America's newest favorite actor and heartthrob. Did you expect attention wouldn't find you?"
I heard Tate snort and I said, "What?" as I smiled at him.
"I really am sorry!" he blurted out, laughing.
TATE
Despite my meltdown, breakfast went really well and the food was amazing. Yes, in fact, a $50 plate of eggs is better than a $10 one. Maybe not $40 better, but it was better.
I was still dealing emotionally with the fact that things were a lot bigger than I'd thought and it was coming much faster. While everyone had told me what to expect, hearing that it was actually doing better did a number on me because I'd taken everyone's projections and divided them by four. I wasn't expecting a gross of $100 million, I was thinking $25 million total. We were going to do more than that just this weekend.
It was a shock. I'm used to people looking at me, but not like this. This was a whole new level and I needed time to really get myself psyched up for it so it didn't overwhelm me or, worse, change me. I knew Zach would help with that, but I didn't want to lean on him that way. I needed to stay me, it was the only way I could keep him and find the success I wanted for myself.
Over the few days since we'd returned from France, I'd really begun to think of acting as my vocation. There was going to be some modelling, but that was going to change dramatically. I'd have two primary clients because they could afford me and I'd let Nina pick a smaller one to help out. That would be it. I'd earn a lot more from it than I ever had, which would make Nina happy, but I'd put in barely a few weeks of work for those houses each year.
From now on, I was an actor and I'd have to find a way to make it all work with school. One thing I was completely certain of was that I would lose myself in the swirl of it all if I didn't focus on what was important to me. I couldn't get lost in the success, and praise, for Love Story, I had to work because I WANTED to nail Summer Moon. I needed to do well the adaptation of a book that had touched so many.
We said our goodbyes to Tom, then went to Jimmy's office in Century City. The office itself said a lot about the man. There were pictures all over the walls in reception and, we'd find out, the conference room. The man was an extreme sport enthusiast, all that was thankfully lacking was hunting. This was Jimmy's shop, not Jimmy and company.
We were looking at the pictures when he came out to greet us with a big smile on his face.
"My man!" he said, taking my offered hand and pulling me to him. "Congratulations on the premier! The press is absolutely beautiful and everything is going well on social media, too."
I exhaled, "That's a relief. I was hoping it would be good, but I never expected this."
"You should have. From what I've heard, you're fucking amazing."
He then turned to Zach and offered his hand, which Zach took, with a big smile on his face.
"Jimmy, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"You too, Zach."
That meeting was strange. I knew Zach's forearms, and he was flexed, but Jimmy was completely casual, no hint of distress. Zach was completely at ease with Jimmy, as Jimmy was with him. Zach was friendly, but it didn't normally warm up to people this quickly. Had they talked before today? There'd been no sizing each other up, they both acted like old friends. I didn't get it and actually wondered if they knew one another previously.
Jimmy led us back to the conference room where Ben was sitting and he got up to shake my hand, then Zachs and casually mentioned when Zach was ready for the Combine, he'd be deeeeeelighted to represent him, `you know, keep it all in the family!'
Zach just laughed as he sat down, telling Ben there was little chance he'd play pro ball.
"OK," Jimmy said as he sat down. "We're going to start sending you a report on activity online, just an outline, of metrics and what we're seeing negative and positive. We're going to do it twice a week initially and you'll get the first one tonight.
"We've been very aggressive in terms of image management for you both. I have to compliment you both on your self-awareness, since the pictures posted of you from France and school..."
Zach stopped him, "School? People have been taking pictures of us at SCHOOL?"
Jimmy smiled, "They have. Nothing commercial, it's just stuff they're posting to insta, all of it is tame."
I gulped, "My life as a private person is pretty much over, isn't it?"
Jimmy nodded, "Not completely, but you have to be aware that when you're out in public there are going to be people taking a picture of you. So far, they've all been outstanding, not so much as a rubbed nose. Just keep being yourself and going about your day."
I was cool, "Well, it's nothing we can control, other than what you do. I'll just have to make sure I blow my nose in private."
"And no urinals, for either of you."
That made me laugh, "Jimmy, what the fuck?"
Jimmy sighed, "On the dark web the going rate for pictures of your cocks is $10k. That'll go higher as the receipts go up on the movie."
"You're kidding me? You're joking, right?" I asked, innocently.
"No," Jimmy smoothly replied. "Also, you should know that a former hookup is shopping his story right now."
"Oh, God..."
"Yeah, some guy in New York you hooked up with during fashion week last year?"
I snorted, "That doesn't narrow it down much, Jimmy." Which made Ben and Zach both laugh.
"It's a guy named Foster Mortimer. Old east coast money, but apparently kind of the black sheep of his particular branch of the tree. His number is $50k and no one has come close to it, yet. After this weekend, he'll get it."
The name I legit didn't recognize, but then Jimmy pulled up a picture on the screen on the wall and I suddenly remembered.
"It was a threesome with him and his girlfriend who I knew from working with Marc Allen," I said with a sigh. "What's he saying?"
"It's some mildly kinky stuff, but nothing too bad. Basically, he's saying he topped you while you were eating out the girlfriend."
That made me laugh, "Nope. I topped him and made him cum hands free. When I was done, I made him clean off my dick with his tongue."
"Really? I never would have thought!"
I glanced back at Zach, smiling, then turned back to Jimmy and said, "Yeah, I'm full of surprises."
Jimmy laughed, "How public do you want this to be?"
I glanced at Zach and he nodded back, "This is all you, babe. I'm here regardless."
"If I say anything, it's just his word against mine."
"Yeah, but he's being paid. However, any hint of a sex scandal may hurt future work. It's hard to tell but with this sort of thing, I like to be really aggressive on the denial side."
Ben spoke up, "Honestly, it's not a problem. It's a two, maybe three, day story if we make something out of it. However, spiking this might dissuade others from coming out," he glanced over at Jimmy who nodded, "so if you're not too embarrassed, I'd be down with correcting the record. What's the girlfriend going to say?"
"I don't know, but Jas is a badass person and we still talk. I'll reach out to her."
"OK, then for now we're going forward with real details when we get called for comment."
"Yeah, I'm not ashamed of my past in any way, Jimmy, and I've had a lot of fun. I'm not going to run from some bullshit like this."
Jimmy smiled, "I really like working for you, kid!"
The rest of the meeting wasn't nearly as eventful and Zach gave up control of his social media as well, something Jimmy wanted to do for him. Once more, it struck me how well they got on. I knew they would hit it off, I'd told Zach enough about him that he was really thinking of him as a natural ally. But what I was seeing wasn't that, they were homies now.
By 3, we were back at the airport boarding for our return to SFO. I was already thinking about how different things would be leaving from San Jose and honestly looking forward to it. I'd only been through there once but it had been a nice experience, far less busy and crowded.
As the plane took off, I looked over at Zach who asked "What?"
"You and Jimmy acted like you knew one another. I really thought you'd need some time to warm up to each other, but it was like an instant connection right from the moment you first saw each other, and you don't normally do that."
"Mmhmm... Yeah, we have something in common."
I smiled, "What? Me?"
"No," replied smoothly, "though there is that. An alpha knows an alpha when he sees one. It's mutual respect, one Man to another."
I just stared at him, then he turned to look at me directly. I saw that predator look in his eyes and I smiled.
"Don't do that. You know that freaks me out."
"Yeah, just wanted to give you a taste," he said with a wink. "Jimmy's a warrior and there's nothing we won't do to protect those who are important to us. That's what I got. You can call it alpha or whatever, but that's who we are and like sees like. No need to compete, there's just respect."
"Wow, I had no idea," I responded, "Is there anyone else you..."
"Another warrior? No. Ben's as close as anyone's ever gotten, but I knew when we were sophomores, he was different than me. He's strong as hell, physically and emotionally, but he's not like me." He looked out of the portal, "There was one fake," he said, his voice trailing off.
"Who?"
"Joaquin. I honestly thought he was like me. That's what made me fall. It wasn't Ben and Chels who wrenched me free of him, it was what he did at one point that finally showed me who he was."
He looked back at me, tears falling from his eyes, and continued, "I love them so much and they worked so hard, I let them think they were the ones that finally pulled me back, but they weren't. That last weekend, I saw him be a coward and the illusion came crashing down. I knew who he was and I walked away."
"But I thought he manipulated you and played on old insecurities?"
"He did later, but that's how he pulled me in. The rest was keeping me from truly seeing him. I was stupid and thought I saw it in him, then he twisted it all up and used me, sinking deeper and deeper. When the illusion was shattered there was nothing to hold me. It all fell apart. I remember leaving his place and I punched him hard in the gut, then told him never to reach out to me again or I'd kill him."
"So, when you told me you handled Joaquin, you meant it. He REALLY understood what you meant."
Zach nodded, "There's no chance he'd ever come close to you."
I sat there silently, taking all this in. I suspected I was the only one around him that knew the reason he was so protective of us. We were part of his tribe. He viewed us all as part of his larger responsibility, the community around him. His need for justice, to see wrongs righted, suddenly made so much more sense.
"What? Say something, please?"
"Babe, it's fine." I calmly explained what I'd just realized and he smiled broadly.
"Yeah," he replied softly. "I should have shared all this with you sooner, but it's been hard to really explain in a way that doesn't come across self-serving or aggrandizing. Plus, there's been getting back to who I am with you in my life."
I leaned over to kiss him, "I understand."
He shifted himself in the seat and looked directly at me, then softly said, "I need you to know, no matter what, you're my priority. Now, tomorrow, always."
I smiled back at him and just nodded. I already knew this.
Before Thanksgiving, Zachs meeting with his therapist ended up being an inflection point in our relationship that I didn't completely understand until months later. David had told me I needed to be clearer with him and I had been, but I'd never explained it the way his therapist did that day.
Zach was strong and being with him required some acceptance of that. Fortunately, it had been mostly easy but those first few months, until we got past his insecurities, were tough. After, what had developed within him, was a rock-solid understanding of just how much I'd opened up to him. I could be indecisive but a big piece of that was just taking time to think things through. Once I was committed, there would be no turning back.
I'd made a lot of decisions with regard to Zach, including opening myself up completely and metaphorically handing him my heart. He'd not really understood it, or me, until that Tuesday afternoon and even then he was only scratching the surface regarding how dramatically he could change my life, for better or worse. I think going to Texas for the trial was when it all connected in his head. Only then did he realize how much I'd given him and the power he had. That last statement was an acknowledgment of that, and a promise that he would never abuse it.
Now everything about him made sense a broader context, especially his impressive performance today. I also realized something he didn't, that he was very wrong regarding being my `supporting man'.
He was going to make a much bigger impact in the world than I would, especially when he started seeing others as part of his tribe and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, at some point that would extend to everyone in a Congressional district and get larger from there.
I sat back in the seat, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to dream about the future.
ZACH
We got back around 5, then rushed to our respective homes to get ready. We were graduating in a week and Chels was having a party tonight that there was no way either of us could miss because of the very real threat of physical harm. I wasn't too worried about what she'd to do me, but she could really mess up Tate.
After I got ready, I quickly drove over to pick him up. In a week we'd be in our own place and I couldn't wait, though he'd be leaving for Louisiana almost as soon as we got everything unpacked. He would, however, be returning to OUR place when he was done and that prospect made my chest warm.
I knew this summer was going to be busy for him and I'd made plans to keep myself occupied when he'd be away. I was up to 278 and I knew if I kept working, I could get over 280 by the time we started two a days. I wanted to pour as much energy as I could into that, and the classes I was taking this Summer.
My father had given me some solid advice and I decided on the coterminal program in Electrical Engineering. With some hard work, I'd be graduating in four and a half years with my bachelors and masters in EE, then on to law school. It was the path that gave me options, from management at a semiconductor company to patent litigator to investment banker. It was the latter I'd begun to think about more and more since it had not only high earning potential, but it would expose me to a wide variety of interesting problems where I could shine.
I got to his house a little after 8 and his mother let me in. I went up to his room to find him toweling dry, just out of the shower.
He looked at me and smiled apologetically, "I started talking to my mom and I lost track of time. She's all excited about how well the movie is doing."
I laughed, "Don't worry, baby," I told him, crossing over to him and kissing him softly. "My parents were the same way. They're actually going to see it tonight with the twins."
"No joke?"
"They're really excited about it. My mom's been dying to see it and so have the twins. Romance movies aren't really my father's cup of tea, but he's pretty excited to see his future son in law on the screen."
Tate laughed, "I really hope they like it. I also hope Chelsea doesn't kill us for being so late."
"She won't. As long as we're there before 10 we're fine."
"Are you hungry? I'm starving," he said.
"Well, you know me, I can always eat." I replied with a smile.
He walked over to me, nude and wrapped his arms around me, and I cupped his head to give him a kiss that would make him weak. After almost a year together, I could still make him lose it.
"Take me to Carl's Jr?" he purred out. Only then did I understand as there was no way, naked, I would tell him no.
I sat and watched him dress, trying desperately not to get too worked up. It didn't matter what he did, he was gorgeous. Some people are just like that, everything they do makes them look good. I'd not seen it, but I had a feeling I'd think he was hot even when he took a shit.
When he was done, he was stunning as always in a white button down and a pair of jeans. Even dressed simply, he would turn heads and once more made the point without even trying that I was the luckiest man on the planet.
We talked to his mom briefly and I asked when she was going to see the movie. She looked at Tate, beaming, "He's taking me to see it tomorrow afternoon."
"You're going to love it," I told her, gripping Tate's hand just a little more tightly. This was a big deal for him and for her, and while I had a pang of jealousy since I wasn't included, I also understood this was something mother and son needed to do together. While we were family, she would always play a very important role in Tate's life and I respected that, and her, enough to know any jealousy here was not only misplaced, it was stupid.
We ended up eating in the restaurant with two other people while the drive through was a line around the place. The best part was that we didn't get noticed, we just sat there eating, him enjoying the food and me, well, enjoying being with him. Honestly, as much as I complain about Carl's Jr., I'd eat every meal there if it made him happy.
The party was another matter entirely. Chels had invited a bunch of people and it was at a hotel in San Jose. The place was off the hook and they were apparently empty enough that no one was going to complain. We didn't make it to elevator before a sophomore Tate knew came up and drunkenly slurred, "Your movie was awesome!"
The movie, not our graduation, was THE topic of conversation. About 20 people had seen it that afternoon and now, live and in person, the star walks in.
I went to grab us drinks while his fans mobbed him and ran into Chels.
"You made it! How was LA?"
I groaned, "The after party was fun, but the rest was work."
She rolled her eyes, "Stop, you had a good time."
I shrugged, "I was with him. I could have a good time doing taxes as long as it was with him."
"I'm going to see the movie tomorrow with the girls, do you want to go?"
I shook my head, "Nah, I've seen it twice now and I want to let some time pass before I see it again."
Ben walked up at that point and gave me a hug, "Your boy's movie was AWESOME!"
"Well, go tell him!"
He smiled, "I'm waiting for his adoring fans to clear out." I looked over to where I'd left him and he looked up, winking at me.
"Speaking of, I need to get him a drink."
Chelsea asked what I wanted and she handed me a beer and made him a bourbon and club soda.
"Hey, go easy on the bourbon!"
Chels laughed, "Yeah, I guess you don't need to get a sure thing too liquored up!"
I walked the drinks back over and handed it to him as he told the story about what he did every day during filming. Very few people had been aware he was filming a movie when it was going on, Tate was just really well contained that way. It took people by surprise that he'd done all this and been at school every day, perfectly normal. Chad Miller, one of the people who'd been tacky about Tate going to SJS, was really curious about how much he was going to make and Tate just brushed him off.
"My agent negotiated a percentage of the gross, but I don't really think I can talk about it." Chad wasn't really satisfied with that answer, but Tate wasn't giving him any ground. After the crowd broke up a bit, I asked him about it.
"Why didn't you just tell him? It would have felt good to rub his face in the fact that you're going to make more off this movie than he'll probably make before he's 40."
Tate smiled tightly, "He's a bitch. He doesn't deserve to know anything about our life or work. Wondering about it will kill him far more than actually knowing because he thinks he's so superior anyway." When he talks that way, which doesn't happen often, I have an overwhelming desire to get on my knees blow him!
Ben walked up and gave him a hug, "Tate, you were incredible!"
Tate laughed, "WERE? Oh, you mean in the movie?"
Ben smiled, "Smartass! You've been around Zach too long!"
Tate smiled, "Seriously, thank you for that. I wasn't sure if people would like it."
"I loved it, man, and I usually don't like romantic movies." He moved in a little closer to Tate, "So the guy in it with you, he's straight? Because... I'd REALLY like to hit that."
I started laughing, "VERY straight, hermano! Not on our team, not even our team adjacent!"
"Damn, dude's a piece of ASSS!"
Tate laughed, "He's actually a pretty nice guy, too, but super straight."
I hadn't told Tate about Tommy's bullshit the night before at the afterparty because he really loved the guy and I wasn't about to jack that up for him. We left the party close to 2 and I drove him home, then walked him to the door to give him an amazing good night kiss.
I drove home to the house I'd live in for another week and went to bed with a giant smile on my face thinking about the man I loved.
TATE
We decided to go into San Jose to see the movie, thinking that we'd be a little stealthier, and picked a theater in Saratoga. I was wearing a hoodie and a ball cap, trying to hide as much as possible, head down and trying to look ordinary. When I came downstairs, my mother laughed and asked if that was what I was really wearing.
"Mom, people recognized me in LA at the airport. If I don't at least try to dress down, someone will before we see the movie and the theater will afterward. I want this to be time with you, not you and fans."
She sighed, walking over to me and grabbed my hands, "Sorry, sweetheart, I should have realized and thank you for that. This is going to be a change hanging out with my son the celebrity!"
I laughed, "Well, as long as you're good, we might get ice cream later, my treat."
I drove since I was pretty sure no one was going to recognize my Prius among the 90,000 of them in the South Bay. I was a little nervous because this was my mom. She was the one who introduced me to the original version of this movie. Her opinion of how I performed would matter to me more than any other.
Mom had already purchased tickets online so we walked in and picked up some popcorn and sodas, something SHE loved. She couldn't watch a movie in a theater without a bucket of popcorn the size of a stock pot. We were running about 10 minutes early and sat down, quietly chatting while we ate the greasiest popcorn known to man.
I noticed a couple of people glancing at us, but none of them came over to say anything and then the lights went down as the previews started. I turned my cap backwards and watched myself again. Several times my mother leaned over and said, "You're so good!" By the end of it, I was beaming because she liked it.
I forgot to turn my cap around when we left and as we walked out of the theater, we ran into three guys one of whom had glanced at us before the movie started.
"That's him! I told you," he told the others who looked more closely at me and I could see their eyes go wide. I thought, for maybe a second, about brushing it off but realized it was dumb. I needed to be able to deal with this head on.
They hurriedly walked over to us and I quickly said, "I'm supposed to be incognito!" with a smile as I extended my hand.
"OMG you were amazing!" they all blurted out as they shook my hand.
"Thank you," I replied smiling.
"What are you doing HERE of all places?"
"He wanted to take his mother to see the movie he made," my mom replied, waving.
"That is soooo cool. Can we get a selfie with you?"
I looked over at my mom and she nodded, beaming.
"Sure"
I was surprised one of them had a stick in their pocket and 90 seconds later they had a picture of us all posted and tagged. We said our good byes, talked to a few other people on our way to the car, then as soon as I got in, I texted Jimmy to give him a heads up.
"I want ice cream," my mother calmly said as I started the car.
"That's it? No comment on the movie?"
She laughed, "It was fantastic and you were absolutely brilliant in it. I was very impressed. Now, I do want I cream." I smiled and said to my phone, "OK, Google, where is the closest Baskin Robbins?" And about 5 minutes later, we were standing in front of the counter deciding on ice cream. After we were served by the coolest ice cream guy ever, we sat down and started eating.
"You know this place isn't too far from where we'll be living."
"Oh," she replied, around a mouthfuck of chocolate. "let's drive by on our way back!"
I smiled, "You're actually excited by the prospect of me leaving, aren't you?"
She couldn't help but return my smile, "I love you and if you ever need a place to go, you will always have a key. BUT, yeah, I'm REALLY OK with you and Zach being together and out of my hair," she finished, laughing.
"Have we been that obnoxious," I asked, innocently.
She shook her head, "Not at all, it's just that it's a constant thing and there's a lot that I KNOW goes on and I'd like to have that go on somewhere else. Seriously, I love you both, but I'm happy you'll be in your own place. Plus..."
"Plus? There's a plus?"
She nodded, "Yeah, I'm going to start dating again and I'm looking forward to being able to have someone over for dinner without introducing them to my son before I even know if I like them."
"I get it," I told her, nodding. "So, anyone you're thinking about in particular?"
"Yep, and when it's time for him to meet you, I promise I will give you the background. Right now, I'm going to let it be."
"OK, if you don't feel like you need my approval," I said, which made her laugh.
I noticed two guys had come in and one of them kept looking at us. I could tell they weren't together by the way they sat at the table and talked; I assumed they were friends. I hesitated, initially, then thought fuck it and looked at the one who kept glancing and smiled, nodding. His eyes lit up and he quietly told his friend what was going on.
The guy looking at me finally walked over, standing about 3 feet away. I looked up at him and asked "Can I help you?"
He stood there, nervously, "You're Tate Douglas, right?"
"Yes," I replied.
He stuck out his hand, "I really wanted to thank you for what you wrote about being assaulted. It was the first time since I was that I felt like someone understood," he said as tears started to fall.
I quickly rose and hugged him. It was just for a moment, but I could feel him relax as he let go of the tension that had been holding him up. His friend walked over.
"Joey, are you OK?"
Joey pulled away from me, nodded at his friend, wiped at his eyes, then smiled at me, "Sorry I'm such a mess!"
I smiled back, my own tears still wet on my cheeks, "No, you're fine and you're going to make it."
He turned to his friend, "Sorry, Mike."
"It's OK, man." Mike extended his hand to me, "I'm Mike Reeves and it's a pleasure to meet you. Your story has been a big help for a lot of us who have been the victims of sexual assault."
"That's exactly what I had hoped it would do. That was the whole reason I did it."
"Well, thank you for that." He glanced over at my mother and I realized I'd not introduced her.
"This is my mother, Beverly Edelman," which prompted her to stand and shake hands with the two men.
"Your son means a lot to many of us," Joey told my mother.
She smiled, nodding, "I think he's pretty great, too!" glancing over at me and winking.
Mike nodded, "Hope you both have a great weekend," then he grabbed Joey and they walked back to their table. We sat back down, finished our ice cream and left. The whole thing had been pretty emotional, but I wasn't freaked out or feeling weird.
When we got back to the car, my mother hugged me before we got in.
"You OK?" she asked, looking at me appraisingly.
"Yeah, I'm OK. I just found out something I did resonated with exactly the people I had hoped would get it. I'm shook up, but in a good way."
"I'm really proud of you, sweetheart!" she said, smiling up at me. There are few things that will ever top that moment.
On the way home, Zach called with an interesting suggestion.
"Why don't I bring food and we stay in tonight?"
I looked over at mom who just smiled.
"That sounds so good, baby!" I replied.
I heard him sigh, "Everything OK?
"Yeah, everything is great. I do have a story for you when you come over."
"Cool... I love you, baby!"