DISCLAIMER: If you are under 18 (or 21 depending on local laws) please discontinue to read. If you are offended by male/male concepts that are not always Disney Channel rated, pleaase refrain from continuing to read this. I am of no knowledge as to Nsync's true sexuality or am in any way affiliated with JIVE/ZOMBA records.
AUTHOR's WORDS: After the ahem demise of JC Dreams, so many people asked me to keep writing and so I shall. Well, here's the start of another series, about JC. It's going to be, again, dedicated to Brendon... I guess that's because I got all his Nsync stuff delivered to me yesterday... his parents didn't want them. Bonus?
FEEDBACK: jellybeanking@hotmail.com
AUTHOR THANKS: Nifty... all I can thank at the moment - no one else has written in on this one... though I should thank the readers who have followed me across. Of course, I can't go without thanking my twin for all his help, love and companionship over the voyage of the net. Evan, I don't know what to say, a friend until the last.
DEDICATION: This series is dedicated to Brendon Alexander James. 10 - January 1980 to 20 - August - 2000. Eternal rest grant unto him Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him, may he rest in peace. Amen.
Hearts of Ash 02
by
Sun Child
Asher stood there looking around Rob's room. It felt so empty now to him. Though it had felt like that for a long time. The smiles had died as Rob had grown weaker. The joy and laughter had died during Rob's sickness. All that had been left in the room for a long time was the sickening silence of realization that no one really lives forever. Asher was acutely aware of his own mortality. He sat down on the edge of the bed and thought of how Rob had looked lying there, sweet and angelic while asleep. Deathly sick when he was awake. As hard as Asher tried, he couldn't forget it. It tore at his heart. He sat there and cried. It was all Asher felt he could do.
JC sat there in the mini bus and looked at his watch.
"JC, why don't ya just call him?" Justin asked.
"Huh, sorry what do you mean?" JC asked confused.
"What I mean is, why don't you call Asher and make sure he's okay. He's gotten to you in some way and you're obviously worried about him." Justin said. JC blushed slightly and reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell, along with the card Asher had given him with his cell number on it. JC dialled the number and waited for it to answer.
"Hello?... Asher?... yeah hi, it's Josh... yup... You dealing okay?... uh huh... do you want us to come and get you now?... Asher, don't be silly, it's no worries... okay... yup... okay no worries... yeah, see you soon." JC
spoke into his cell and hung up in the end.
"So are we going to pick him up?" Asked Lance from the driver's sear. JC nodded his head.
"Do you mind Scoop?" JC asked. Lance shook his head and turned the bus around.
Asher was still sitting in the room when Lynda came in.
"Ash, you want me to get you anything?" Her voice broke his trance and he snapped back to reality.
"Rob back in perfect health?" Asked Asher trying to joke... and failed miserably. Lynda walked over and wrapped him up in the biggest hug she could trying to sooth his pain a little. There was a sadness she felt she just couldn't reach though.
Lynda thought of the two young men who had walked onto her ward all those months ago, one of them dying of cancer, the other trying to be strong for the other. Asher had put on a strong face for so many months, it wouldn't have surprised her to learn that he had forgotten how to show pain and that he was weak. That he was human. Still, she had to admire the guy's guts for not giving up. Then again, neither had she. Both Rob and Asher had won places in her heart. She loved them both dearly. Not a good way for a nurse to be, attached to terminal patients. She wondered briefly if she became attached so she could be there for Asher when it all ended and he needed a shoulder.
Asher heard his cell phone shriek in his pocket, and sighing he pulled it out.
"Hello... yeah this is Asher... oh hey Josh, everything okay?... but you're still calling... yeah I'm fine... I am... don't be silly, it's probably totally out of your way... Josh, I already agreed to dinner, you don't have to pursue me... sorry, that was stupid wasn't it... sorry... yeah if guys want to pick me up, that's be great... bye." Asher hung up his phone and put it back in his pocket.
"Josh?" Asked Lynda, a slight grin on his face. Asher felt his face go red.
"He's a guy I met earlier today. He came in a bit before Rob, ah, before Rob passed away." Asher said and Lynda nodded.
"After I went down stairs to the fresh air, he came out and saw me. He came over, we were talking and he asked me to dinner with him and his friends." Asher told her. Lynda looked at Asher.
"And you wanted me to find you a new boyfriend... you're doing a good job on your own." Lynda smiled, trying to make light of the situation
"Lynda, I don't want a new boyfriend, I want Rob." Asher told her. He felt his eyes start to water and turned and looked away from Lynda. Lynda nodded and felt terrible for hurting him by what she had said, though there was little she could do. There was just something that felt wrong about the way Rob had been taken from Asher and she wanted so much to make it right for him again.
"I'll be okay Lynda." Asher told her as though reading her mind.
"Will you though?" Lynda asked. Asher nodded unhappily.
"I will. Death is a part of life I guess. Some people are just taken more suddenly in life than others, and often well before their time." Asher told her. Lynda smiled sadly at him, feeling his heartbreak.
"Well Ash, I guess there are just some souls that are too beautiful to be kept from heaven and God for too long. Rob was one of them." Lynda said, trying to make things right as best she could. Asher smiled up at her.
"Thanks Lynda, that means a lot to me. I know it would have meant so much to Rob as well. Considering how his family abandoned him when he needed them most." Lynda cocked her head to the side.
"What do you mean?" She asked Asher.
"When he was first diagnosed and given twelve months to live, he finally came out to his family about being gay. They didn't take it well at all. He then told them he was dying of cancer and had twelve months left to live. His mother told him it was his fault for being gay. It was God's way of punishing him. His father had stayed quiet and when we were leaving he looked at Rob and told Rob not to bother coming to see them again because he was no longer their son. I was all Rob had left in the end. His friends walked away, his family abandoned him... he only had me Lynds, he only had me. What a thing to be left with. Your boyfriend and no family."
"If they were a real family or friends, they would have stood by him Asher. You could have left him as well when he was dying, I'm sure there are times when you would have liked to have left him, I know at times I more than likely would have. Sometimes it's easier to walk away than to fight the truth." Lynda told Asher trying to console the poor soul she saw sitting before her, his heart breaking even more.
"They actually blamed me for him being gay. I converted him to my perverted ways, I made him gay. He was straight before he met me. His mother called me one day when I was at home sick and not wanting to come here and make Rob any sicker. I don't even know how she knew I was at home that day. She told me it was my fault he was gay and now being punished when it should have been me who was dying and not her son. I tried to tell her she was wrong, but there was something in the way she said it that made me wonder." Asher told Lynda, tears building in his eyes then starting to trickle down over his cheeks.
"Lynda, I killed the one person I love most in this world."
"Asher, we both know you didn't kill Rob. He was sick for a long time and you had a good time together didn't you. Remember the happy times and not the part where he was dying and you were all he had. Those were the times which probably meant most. You rarely left his side the entire time he was on this ward. The only time you would leave is when we finally told you to fuck off home." Lynda told Asher, admiration for his strength swelling her pride for him.
There was a slight knock at the door that made both of them turn to look. Asher smiled slightly.
"Hey Josh, I'd like you to meet Lynda. She helped a lot with Rob when he was here on the ward." Josh looked at her and smiled.
"Lynda, it's lovely to meet you." Lynda nodded dumbly as JC Chasez smiled at her. Asher stood and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Pick up your jaw Lynds, it's scraping on the floor again." Asher smiled slightly as Lynda turned and looked at him.
"That's the Josh that's taking you to dinner tonight. Why is it all the cute men are gay?" She asked rolling her eyes upwards. JC looked at Asher in alarm.
"I didn't say anything to her." Asher told him shrugging.
"Oh well, all it means is Kerrie owes me twenty bucks." Grinned Lynda. Both Asher and JC stepped forwards.
"Please don't say anything..." Began Asher.
"I'm not ready to come out yet." JC finished.
"Okay, you two are finishing each other's sentences already. That's just scary." Lynda commented. Both JC and Asher looked at each other and shrugged. Lynda looked at them.
"Oh please, like you two aren't kinda interested in each other." She groaned. JC's mouth dropped open appalled.
"Lynda, Asher's boyfriend died today and you think he is going to start going out with someone that night. Even if he could be that way inclined to do that, I'm not. I believe in the mourning process which can take different lengths of time for everyone. Yes, I do find Asher attractive, but that doesn't mean I'm going to crack onto him. I don't like one night stands, just as I don't like being a rebound and rejected. If anything does happen between me and Asher, it will take time because he has a boyfriend and love to mourn over." JC reprimanded Lynda. Lynda looked down ashamed.
"I'm sorry I didn't think of it like that, yeah I should have realised that Asher would need time to mourn for Rob. I'm real sorry Ash, I didn't think." Lynda told him. Asher just shrugged.
"It doesn't matter Lynds, I'll be okay, I just gotta take time I guess." Lynda smiled as Asher hugged her. When he let her go she looked at him.
"I meant to tell you Ash, you'll have to come in tomorrow and confirm the body is actually Rob. Seeing as you were listed next-of-kin, I'm sorry hun, I wish you didn't have to." Asher shrugged.
"It's okay, Rob and I discussed it. I'll be fine and ready for it." Smiled Asher, a touch of sadness lingering on his lips. Lynda nodded and looked at them.
"Well, you two have a good night. Give me a call when you've got the chance Ash." She told him smiling and left.
JC looked at Asher.
"That was an experience." He said. Asher looked at JC and smiled.
"You don't meet Lynda, you experience Lynda. Also, this is her on a calm day." Laughed Asher.
"She reminds me a lot of Rob in that way I guess... very out there and bubbly." Asher looked down and fought back tears at the memory. JC wrapped his arms around Asher and held him. Asher cried into JC's shoulder again. When his crying subsided Asher looked up at JC.
"Josh, would you mind it if we just went to dinner alone. I don't want to be with too many people tonight." Asher admitted. JC nodded slowly.
"Well, it doesn't worry me, but remember what I said to Lynda and you think you could stand the other four for about twenty minutes while Lance drops us off at a restaurant?" Asher nodded.
"I can stand twenty minutes I guess." Asher told him as he hugged JC and put his head against JC's chest and stood there, feeling safe and warm.
After a while, Asher let go of JC and looked at him.
"I guess we better go down and get going to stop the others from waiting for us." JC nodded absently.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.
"Ask me that again in a few weeks and I might be able to answer you honestly." Asher told him. JC nodded and took his hand.
"Well, you know you can call me any time. I'm a friend and want you to remember that." JC told him. Asher nodded.
"Thanks Josh." He smiled. JC nodded and smiled back. Together they left the ward, Asher looking back over his shoulder as they walked out as though saying goodbye to the past.
When they climbed into the bus Justin rolled his eyes at JC.
"Could you have taken any longer?" JC glared at Justin who cocked his head to the side, suddenly curious about who Asher was and what he was to JC. Asher never saw JC's expression but spoke up.
"I'm sorry Josh was so long, it's my fault. He came in at a bad time. He was calming me down. I mean, it's not every day you lose your partner of three years to cancer." Justin looked down, ashamed for thinking that JC and Asher had been doing something not quite Disney Channel rated. Joey spoke up.
"We're all sorry about your loss... ah..." Joey realised he didn't know Asher's name. JC then spoke up.
"Asher, I'd like you to meet, Lance, Chris, Joey and Justin. Guys, this is Asher." They all smiled and said hello. Asher sat back, a little unsure of what to make of it all, he felt a little overwhelmed by meeting all these people at once in such an onslaught. JC put his hand lightly on Asher's shoulder.
"You okay? You look distressed." Asher shook his head.
"No, it's cool, I'm okay, just a little tired I guess." Asher told JC. JC nodded and let go of Asher's shoulder. Asher smiled at him and rested back in his seat.
--- Well that's it for chapter two. What'd ya think?? Is it any good and do I keep going with it??? Love yas SunChild.