It's been ages... but I'm finally posting Chapter Nine...
Hello all... life has just been crazy beyond words of late... if any of you are ever considering getting your doctorate... don't! it will consume your life... but if any of you would like to check out my dissertation research... or participate by answering a survey (please, pretty please)... you can check this out here: www.geocities.com/tylerdissertation
This is my first story so I love getting feedback on what people like/dislike about the story so far. My name is Richard and my email is n_luvjc@hotmail.com. I will repeat the info at the end of the story for your comments, etc.
The title of this story reflects that it is a love story and since it revolves around the guys from 'N Sync, I combined 'Tearing up my Heart' with 'No Strings Attached'. As a FYI, I am writhing this story I most enjoy stories - good characters, good story and good sex. I will switch around the focus of the story giving each character a chance to develop. They will all have their secrets that will unfold as the story goes along, but then again don't we all have our little secrets. But I can assure you that they won't all have the same secret.
As for the formalities: This story is not intended to imply anything about the sexual orientation of the members of 'N SYNC. This story is fiction and meant for amusement only. If you shouldn't be reading this because of your age, where you live, etc. don't. If you are offended by male-male relationships/sex then this isn't the story for you.
Rain has begun to fall as the German made car races through the night. The windshield wipers on the car race back and forth but have little effect on the tears that fill Justin's eyes. The streetlights blur as he speeds past.
His fate is up to providence at this point for Justin's eyes focus not on the road but on the images that flash in his mind. Every corner of his mind is filled with thoughts and images of the night... meeting Nick at the meeting... seeing Josh with Lance... the countless men that used him for their pleasure... This last thought made Justin snap back into reality for he became aware again of how much his ass hurt... He was hoping that what he felt seeping out into his boxers was just the semen that had been deposited by at least 10 different men... he didn't think that anything had torn, but he couldn't be sure that he wasn't bleeding either...
"DAMN!!!" Justin screams into the night. 'It's not like I was a virgin' he thinks to himself. 'That bastard took care of that years ago.' But even in the most depraved experiences of his past, what Nick subjected him to at that bar makes Justin feel more used... more just a piece of flesh... than he has ever felt before.
His instincts guide the car around a stopped car and Justin realizes that he is back at the hotel. The rain has not stopped, yet Justin does not feel the cold water drops on his skin as he gets out of his car. In a heartbeat he is soaked to the skin, but he still makes no efforts to move toward the door of the hotel. As a brilliant flash of lightning and boom of thunder are seen, heard and felt simultaneously, Justin sinks to his knees and sobs.
His mind, his spirit and his very soul feel like they have splintered into shards.
"How come no body loves me? Or sees me?" He quietly asks the heavens. "Thousands of people say they love me... thousands think that they know me... no one really does... people want my image, my money, my fame, my ass... no one really wants me... I can't help it... if feel so scared, lonely and weird when thousands of people know what I like to eat for breakfast when I haven't even met them before. None of these people have taken the time or maybe had the opportunity to get to know me... what I think, what I feel, what believe, what I want... no one has ever shown that they care about that... no one..."
"except josh," he whispers.
Justin buries his head in his hands and tastes the salty wet pools of water that have collected there. "Why now Josh?" he pleads. "why did you choose now to abandon me? You could be my lover not just my brother... you can heal me... you can make me whole..."
Justin moves with the grace of a cat as he springs to his feet and races into the hotel... The elevator would take an eternity that he cannot afford so he runs up the flights of stairs until he reaches the floor that he shares with his bandmates. Justin begins to tear off his clothes as he races for Josh's door. The only thing that he can focus on is the utter certainty that JC... that Josh is the only person that can save him... His touch can make me whole again...
Justin is naked by the time he slips quietly into Josh's room... He scowls as he sees Lances naked torso resting quietly in JC's arms. He takes three steps toward the bed determined that he is going to make Josh his own before he falters. The quiet serene look on Lance's face robs him of his determination... Justin realizes in a flash that he has never seen Scoop look that content before. He now turns his gaze on his intended love... Josh is sleeping with a smile on his face. Not just a small smile, but the broad grin of a man who is truly happy.
Never in a million years would he do anything that ruins that happiness he realizes. Sheepishly he turns and sneaks back into the hall... He gathers his clothes and runs into his room. 'What was I thinking?' he cries to himself. 'What was I going to do? Force myself on him?'
"That was by far the dumbest thing that I have ever done," he announces. Justin throws his clothes into a soggy pile on the floor and steps into the bathroom. The shower responds quickly to his ministrations and he is soon enveloped in the steamy moist embrace of its steady stream of soothing water. Tears flow from his eyes again as freely as the drops from the shower. He has the water as hot as he can stand. He is intent on scalding the touch of others from his flesh. His mind becomes intent on repair.
His shoulders tense as the realization of what he needs becomes clear to him. "I will not be alone!" he announces. "If people only see me as a toy than a toy I will be. If they see only my flesh, then flesh I will be. They can use me, abuse me, but I will not be alone."
Justin is entirely unaware of the shadow that now shrouds his eyes. The Carolina blue sky has turned stormy. His face has changed too. The playful innocence is gone to be replaced by the ready glib smile of a salesman. Justin is also unaware that he had begun to insert first two and now three of his soapy fingers into his ass. His hand begins to thrust in an increasing rhythm. His body moves of his own will and his other hand grasps the shaft of his now erect penis. He conjures up the image of the meanest of the fucks that he had earlier and screams "come on stud! Is that the best you can do... fuck me!" Three fingers bury themselves to the fist in Justin's abused ass as he convulses to the ropes of thick sperm erupting from his cock.
He silently dries himself and eases into his bed and his last conscious thought is to drag his right hand up his naked smooth torso causing his flesh to respond with chilled goose-bumps... he searches out his left nipple and pinches it hard... so hard he winces... he cries out "Ow!" then smiles serenely as sleep overtakes his worn out body........ and spirit.
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His long legs begin to rustle under the sheets. His brow is furrowed and the tension evident on his lean face seems to worsen with each heartbeat. In one fluid motion, his naked form bolts upright and his eyes spring open.
"Lance," he gasps. "Come back." Josh's eyes are wild as he searches for the form of his love. He pulls the covers completely off the bed and begins to feel his pulse and breath quicken. He had hoped he may have been dreaming, but now his nightmare appears to have become reality. Lance is nowhere to be seen.
Josh rushes from his bed into the bathroom and still no Lance. He grabs for the doorknob with the plan of heading to Lance's room when he sees the small still form in the window. He steps closer and sees Lance with a blanket pulled around his shoulders and his eyes fixed on a point in the distance. Josh rushes toward him and then stops and slowly lowers himself onto the window seat next to Lance. His long fingers shake as he reaches for his lover. Lance's skin is an unusual combination of ice cold and clammy.
"Babe," Josh whispers. "Lance, honey... are you alright?"
Seconds pass and Lance has still not moved. Josh is sure that he has also not blinked. In desperation he grabs Lance by the shoulders and shakes him briefly. "Lance," he cries "talk to me. Are you alright?"
Finally, Lance slowly closes his eyes and turns away from the window. He blinks several times and finally focuses on the concerned face of his boyfriend. "Josh, what is it? You look so worried."
"Of course I'm worried babe. I wake up and you're not there and then when I look for you, you are staring out of the window like a zombie. It really scared me."
"I'm sorry babe." Lance replies quietly. "I was thinking about stuff and I guess I got lost in thought."
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"I called my mom earlier when you were taking a shower. It was so hard to have so much going on in my life and not be able to share it with her. I have never been so happy Josh. Finding you... finding us is truly the best thing that has ever happened. I want to share the joy I am feeling, but everywhere I turn some part of society is telling me that my joy is wrong. It is only when I am swimming in your eyes that I feel alright."
"Is that enough?" Josh asks with his voice barely a whisper.
"I am not sure," Lance sobs avoiding Josh's eyes. "That's just it. There are so many new things that I am feeling you help me a lot by listening but sometimes you are what I am trying to figure out. Who can I turn to and ask questions? My mom? My pastor? Do you know how alone I feel at a time I should feel the exact opposite."
Lance's tears flow freely now, and Josh takes him in his arms. He gently wipes his boyfriend's tears with his fingertips. "Baby, you seem so small and lonely. If only I could wipe that away as easily as your tears."
Lance quietly cries for a few more seconds and pulls away slightly and earnestly looks into Josh's eyes and pleads, "How do you handle it?"
Josh smiles at the thought that he has all the answers. "Babe a lot of this is new to me to you know, but there are some things that I have learned. Your Baptist minister is not one you can turn to with this right? Well, neither was my priest. I had to look elsewhere."
"Where?" came an almost inaudible whisper.
"Actually, a counselor. I saw a couple of great counselors. One was even gay himself. It really helped me to start liking me and to stop being so confused. For me, the hardest part was loving myself. I got messages very early on that I was not worthy of love or that all I had to offer was my ass. Counseling helped me with that."
Lance pulls Josh into a tight embrace. "It's so hard for me to hear you say that. I look at you and am filled with awe. You are so... together... I can't imagine you were ever as lonely as confused as you said."
"I learned my lessons well. The lessons society taught me. I couldn't trust anything or anyone because I had this shameful secret. I learned to only count on myself, to ask for nothing, to take care of all of my own needs and most of all... don't let anyone close enough to do any real damage."
Josh watches as his boyfriend reels back from his words as if he has been struck. He continues, "Even now, as much as I know I love you, I am scared to let you too close."
"Is that why you stopped me earlier?"
"Yes," Josh blushes as he answers. "See, with other guys I have been with it meant nothing. At first, I tried to tell myself that sex was intimacy. Then after the millionth time my heart was broken, I told myself that sex was just fun and love was unattainable."
Josh takes Lance's face in his hands and looks deeply into his beautiful green eyes. "That is... until I met this awkward kid from Mississippi."
The two young men embrace and hold each other for a long time. Josh realizes after a few moments that Lance is quietly crying, and he begins to stroke his back softly. Finally Lance says, "I don't want to burn in hell."
The words were so quiet that Josh can barely hear them, but he can definitely feel the pain in them. "Baby, that is a question that I did not have as much trouble with. The church was more social to me growing up. My spiritual center was my family."
"That's just it!" Lance interrupts animatedly. "My family and church are one. And they will both reject me."
"Lance, if you want to talk to a counselor, I'll help you find one; but it also sounds like you need to talk to a man of God."
"I CAN"T!" Lance shrieks.
"There are churches that welcome gay people. I'm not saying that you have to leave your church... just that you may want to discuss your faith with someone who won't judge you."
Josh's words soothe Lance in a way he could believe possible. His boyfriend's caring, sincere words demonstrate his love and his good sense. Lance's breathing slows to a normal pace as he hears the logic in Josh's suggestion. He resolves to follow the advice and find someone to talk to. But, just as this fear is eased, Josh's earlier confession weighs heavily on his mind. Lance becomes concerned that he will never be everything to Josh that Josh is to him.
"I need to know that you are going to let me be there for you as much as you are for me," Lance states firmly.
Josh sees the conviction in Lance's face and the feeling behind his words. "I promise baby, and anytime you see me not letting you in, kick me in my ass okay?"
Lance playfully grabs Josh's ass with both hands and giggles "you'd probably like that wouldn't you?"
"Scoop, you devil you! I had no idea that I was confessing my love to a pervert!"
"A real turn on isn't it?" Lance says suggestively.
"You have no idea how much babe. No idea."
The two succumb to their hormones and begin to kiss eagerly. Since they are already almost naked with the exception of their underwear, there are no pesky clothes to get in the way of roaming hands. Their breathing intensifies and a sheen of perspiration glows from their skin. Finally, they both pause to take a breath and Josh gets up and walks to the bed. He sits on the edge and smiles at his love. "Want me to share some stuff with you?"
"Always and anything my love," Lance replies.
Josh smiles at the casual affection that seems to know no limits. It seems like he and Lance have loved each other for eons not merely hours... He takes a deep breath... and then another... This is not going to be that easy he says to himself. I have only had to depend on myself for so long... taking care of others is what I do... 'How come I am so scared at the thought of letting go of some of that... of allowing Lance to be there for me... to share my fears with him?' His brown hair waves as he shakes his head to clear it. 'I know the answer, I have always known... the scary part of letting people in is that if they are in your heart... that is when they can hurt you... if you keep everyone dependent on yourself and no one that you have to depend on then you can never be truly wounded...'
Lance reaches out to touch the face of the man he loves... he has always loved... maybe in other lifetimes too... 'Thank you God for leading me to this wonderful man', Lance looks skyward as he thinks this and immediately regrets it... the God question is one that I am not too sure of right now...
the love question, I have no doubts about.
Josh's mind is still swirling in doubt when his thoughts are broken by the sound of his lover's voice. "Babe," Lance says, "I know it can't be easy letting your guard down after having it up for so long, so I won't pressure you... just know that I am here... I am also not going anywhere... no matter what happens in the world or with us, I am not going anywhere... I love you... I would never use that love to hurt you... I can't force you to let down the armour on your heart, but I can promise to never cause you harm."
Lance's words are like a healing balm to Josh's worried soul. "How can you know me so well my sweet man," he begins, "Are you really a magician in disguise? How can you know exactly what to say and how to be without reading my thoughts through sorcery?"
Lance smiles a broad smile and takes the now trembling form of his love in his arms... They hold tightly to each other for a long time. Lance turns his head so that his lips are right at Josh's ear and whispers "Our love is the only magic that I will ever need..."
Josh can literally feel his walls begin to crumble... just a little though... 'it took years to erect those walls,' he thinks to himself 'it will take awhile for them to come completely down'. Josh then catches himself. 'Stop keeping everything to yourself,' he reprimands. He smiles and then says outloud what he had just finished saying to himself.
"Thank you for sharing that baby," Lance purrs. "And you take all the time you need."
"What I need right now is to lean on you a bit. I am really worried about Justin and I don't exactly know what to do about it."
Lance is immediately focused on his love. "Babe, that isn't exactly what I was thinking may be bothering you; but yes, please tell me what has you worried."
"What did you think I was worried about?"
"It doesn't matter right now... we can talk about it later... now tell me about Justin."
"Ok... I may have to take it slow to get it all out there right though... and it's hard to begin because part of this I promised to keep to myself."
"If you need to honour that promise that is fine dear, but I can return the promise and say that anything you tell me will stay just between you and me."
"Thanks babe... that helps. Ok... here goes: Justin's gay."
Lance had been trying to portray himself as the consummate listener. Someone Josh could trust... someone he could rely on... someone he could love... but this news surprised him and he lost some of this composure "oh my God! Really??? How do you know? How long have you known? Have you two ever...?" Lance blurts out the string of questions before he can stop himself. He blushes as he regains his composure. "Josh, I'm sorry... please ignore those questions, I got kinda excited.'
Josh smiled. "It's okay babe, I know that it's kind of big news... I would have reacted the same way. To answer them: he told me, today, and no... well not quite."
Lance's brow furrows at the last response. Josh sees this and soothes "let me explain."
Josh goes on to tell Lance everything that happened in the Chapel and what they had talked about. He tells how he had been very tempted to be with Justin in that way, but realized that not only did he not think of Justin in that way, but that his heart truly belonged to another. "He looked so hurt Lance. Like I had crushed him or something. Oh god, I never want to see that look of hurt in anyone's eyes again." Josh's jaw trembles and tears flow from the corner of his eyes. His heart leaps when Lance pulls him into his arms and strokes his hair and whispers "I love you."
"See the problem is I know how lonely he is right now. I know how much he feels like he's the only one. And I do love him. I love him like I do Tyler. He is my brother, maybe not by blood, but certainly by love. So just like I wouldn't have sex with Tyler, I wouldn't have sex with Justin."
"It certainly is your day for turning down sex with band mates." Lance smiles.
"Trust me, both took a huge amount of willpower... though Justin did get a little farther than you did... wonder if that means he's cuter?" Josh is very grateful to his love for lightening the mood and making his joke. He is also grateful that his love has a slow right hook. Josh deftly dodges the blow and the two lock together and wrestle around the room, finally to collapse on the bed.
Lance says "well, he may be cuter, but I must be more tenacious because I'm the one that has you naked in bed!"
Josh opens his mouth to say "I'm not naked" when Lance quickly yanks Josh's boxers off and makes it so those words are no longer true. Lance is somehow naked too now and the two start thrashing about on the bed wrestling, kissing, and groping. "Just how far did Curly get?" Lance purrs lewdly.
Josh's grip on his self control is slipping fast. His member is harder than it ever has been and seeing Lance naked for the first time in this way has him very turned on... not to mention the fact that Lance's cock is huge! His mouth waters looking at it. Josh's blue eyes gleam as he says seductively "he got a little lower.'
Lance grabs Josh's hard cock in his hand and strokes it twice. "Then I guess he is not as pure and as chaste as me." Lance lets go and jumps from the bed and slips back on his boxers and flops in a chair. Josh is left flat on his back on the bed, naked and hard and horny.
"Prick tease!," he grins.
"I believe you're the one that 'wants to wait'" Lance gests back.
"Sure! Use my own words against me."
Lance smiles broadly. "Actually babe, I am trying to remember those words so that I can respect your wishes. You were trying to share with me and I did exactly what you said others always had... I went for your body... now believe me, it is the best looking thing I have ever seen in my life and though I have never had sex... I can think of 3,812 things that I want to do with and to you right now... but I know what I want most in the world is to be there for you when you need me... please talk to more about Curly."
Josh cannot help but tear up again and Lance's words. He smiles weakly and says "Only 3,812?"
"That's just for starters," Lance says, relieved that Josh doesn't appear to be angry with him.
"I'll hold you to that."
"It's a promise I intend to keep."
"As opposed to all those other promised you were just lying about?" Josh laughed as he aimed a pillow at his lovers head and launched it across the room.
"Shut up," Lance says dodging the missile.
"Fine, first you tell me to spill my guts, then you tell me to shut up. Make up your mind blondie!"
"Fortunately for you, my heart is what I am listening too right now... my head seems to be occupied by too many hormones for all I can think about is lewd disgusting acts of fornication and debauchery."
Josh smiles and stands up still naked and fully exposed. His body has a glow about him from the slight perspiration formed during the wrestling. His dark hair blends with the shadows around him but his skins shines palely in the moon's glow. His penis is still hard and points directly away from his body. He holds his arms out from his sides and brings them to his chest. He lightly strokes his abdomen and uses his left hand to encircle his right nipple. The nipple is already erect, but the sensation causes him to shiver. He takes one step... then two... and now his only mere inches from Lance's chair. He stops and slowly turns. His round firm ass is now pointed directly at Lance and thought Josh can't see his face, he knows Lance is drooling. Josh bends at the waist and spreads his legs. His pink rosebud emerges from the two mounds of asscheek and winks at Lance. Josh reaches out, picks up his boxers and then slowly straightens back up. He turns around ever so slowly and then when facing Lance again moves in closer. There is a shiny pearl glistening from the end of his cock as he brings it inches from Lances mouth. Lance's lips part and his mouth begins to open. His eyes reveal the lust that is overtaking his body. Josh reaches and strokes his lovers hair, sliding both hands behind Lance's head.
He pulls Lance closer to him and touches the tip of his penis to Lance's lips. Lance's tongue darts out and cleans the penis from drop of pre-cum forming. Josh tightens his grip and then in one swift move jumps backwards slipping on his underwear and running in the bathroom. "Now, who's the prick tease?" he calls as he shuts the door.
Lance is struck dumb with hormones. He remains motionless and open-mouthed.
Finally, he shakes his head and calls after his sadistic lover "you bastard!"
Lance collapses onto the bed and begins to laugh. His life with Josh is bound to be full of jokes and laughter he thinks to himself. He lifts his head as he hears the toilet flush and the door to the bathroom open. Josh sticks his arm out and waves a white washcloth in the air. "Does this mean that you surrender to my will?" Lance coos.
"Actually, it's so you can clean yourself up, stud." Josh says pointing at Lance.
Lance is puzzled as he follows Josh's gaze and gesture. Then he realizes what Josh means. The front of his boxers are soaked. Lance blushes so deeply that it looks like he has suddenly developed an allover tan. He quietly takes the washcloth from Josh and begins to wipe himself clean. "I am so embarrassed" he says quietly.
Josh lifts his chin, "Don't be babe. We'll have plenty more orgasms together I promise. Besides, why do think I ran to the bathroom? Barely made it to the toilet before I blew. I have never been so excited at the prospect of making love with someone that I have reached orgasm that quickly or without touching myself."
Lance grins sheepishly "Does this mean that I am no longer a virgin?"
"Not sure babe," Josh smiles back. "But you're off to a good start."
The two lovers hold each other and kiss for what seems like hours. Finally they lie back down in bed and hold hands as they pull the covers over themselves.
"Babe," Lance begins, "You said you were worried about Justin. Please tell me more about what has you worried."
Josh stares at the ceiling and pauses for a second to think. "I want to be there for him, you know, so he doesn't feel so alone... but if he thinks that he's in love with me, I also don't want to lead him on. I could be doing more harm than good. I am also worried that he might go 'looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces'." Josh's voice twangs the last part as he lapses into song.
Lance squeezes Josh's hand a little and says "be patient, be kind, be persistent... and I will as well. You can feel free to tell him about me too, about us if you want... and then IF he shares with me that he is gay, I can support him too... but what I won't do is come up to him and say 'Josh tells me you like dick'."
Josh laughs despite himself. "No, I don't think that would go over very well. That also brings up the subject of telling the guys again. I think I would still like to keep it as much to ourselves as we can for awhile... let's get to know each other as a couple before we have to share it with the others..."
Lance leans up on his elbow and smiles down at Josh. "I am going on record that I want you. 'I want you so bad it's driving me mad, it's driving me mad'." It's Lance's turn to sing. "I want to have sex with you so badly that my teeth hurt, but I also respect that you want to take some time, that you need some time. In one month, on 9/9/99 we have a show at the MTV awards. Let's skip out early on the party afterwards and celebrate our anniversary. I'm not saying that we HAVE to make love that night, but if it happens it happens... if it doesn't happen, well let's just say that I won't be using any hot water when I take my shower the next day... but this way there will be no expectations until then..."
Josh squeezes his lover's hand. "Sounds good to me sweetie."
The relax back and begin to drift off to sleep when suddenly Lance sits bolt upright in bed and shouts "JC!"
"What?!?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I mean Josh!" Lance corrects himself, "Yesterday was your birthday! I can't believe I forgot it. I can't believe we all forgot it. I am so sorry baby"
"Babe, I forgot it too. With you collapsing, the scene at the hospital, me running away, me almost dying. It kinda slipped my mind. But I do know one thing for certain. I got the greatest give I have ever received in my life when you said 'I love you' to me."
Lance's eyes shed tears as they melt into each other. They kiss and hug and caress each other's backs. Finally, Josh pulls back and says "You know what else?"
Lance shakes his head. Josh grins and grabs Lance's ass "with this hot sexy piece of ass around, it's going to be a long month."
Lance giggles and grinds his pelvis into Josh's. Josh grabs Lance's now hard member through his boxers and says "and... with the size of this... it's going to be one long hard throbbing night when we do make love..."
Lance groans with pleasure at being touched by Josh. "Count on it babe! But if you touch me again, I'm going to need another wash cloth!"
"Don't worry about masturbating sweetie. It's normal. Let's just keep everything else a surprise until our special evening on 9-9-99."
They seal their deal with a kiss and drift off to sleep.
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The weeks after Lance's collapse and Josh's revelation go by quickly. Josh got chewed out from his folks for not calling them back when they had left him 10 messages on his birthday trying to wish him a happy birthday. It was hard but Josh held back and did not tell them about him and Lance. He wanted to keep that for just the two of them for now. But he was thrilled when he could tell his folks that he had finally told the guys that he was gay. His mom was all like 'how'd they take it and are they treating you ok?' and his dad was a little more serious and asked if he had told Lou or any of the management. Josh understood that this was a wise thought, but he was pissed at the mention of Lou's name. Lou had been putting pressure on the group for some time now to do stuff they didn't want to do. He wouldn't let them write any of their own music and wouldn't let them choose what to do... This pissed him off 'Bigtime!'
The tension in the group wasn't just between them and management... there was a lot of pressure on them to get ready for the big MTV awards show. The guys treated JC just the same but seemed a little more distant... and Justin...
Justin disappeared all the time... he would later come dragging in and when asked what he had been doing Justin would shrug and say 'just hanging out' or 'just clearing my head'.
With the tension, came flare ups. Josh had to walk away from Chris that morning before this last rehearsal. Chris had been griping and groaning and taking pot shots at everyone. JC had as much as he could stand and just blew up and screamed at him and stormed off.
Lance came after him and calmed him down. At least all the tension had not come between them. Their love continued to grow and develop. Their passion continued to rise and to pant. They were finding it harder and harder to keep their hands off each other... but Lance had been very busy with looking over some contract stuff and Josh had been writing... it helped clear his head and sooth his ire.
After the blow up with Chris, Lance announced that they needed to have a meeting that afternoon after the final rehearsal for the MTV awards. Lance really seemed very strong to Josh right now. He has been worried after his collapse and the press was having a field day. Josh had read rumours of everything from eating disorders and drugs to emotional breakdown. Lou's response was to keep the band's schedule just as active so that the press could see that nothing was wrong. 'That Bastard' Josh thought.
The rehearsal went well and it looked hot! Their show was going to be amazing. Now if the band could just hold together.
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Lance cleared his throat before getting the meeting going. "Now, we've had a rough month and I've been looking over the contracts and have some stuff I'd like us to discuss and see what you think... is there anything else anyone needs to talk about?"
Chris nods and says "Sorry for being such a dick earlier. I was pissed because Lou had denied me a request. I mean, we're supposed to be making shitloads of money right now right? Well, I wanted to get out that apartment and get a nice little house... When I asked Lou how I could go about getting the money, Lou told me that I didn't have that kind of money... The shithead... we make millions for him and I'm still struggling to pay my bills it ain't right!"
Lance chimes in "That's actually just what I wanted to discuss. Lou's cut of our earnings is huge... we could be the number one group in the nation for 20 years and Lou would be filthy rich and we'd still be in our little apartments."
Roars of anger erupt and the group finally calms down and discusses things. Lance still runs the meeting like he has 20 years of corporate experience and Josh smiles at him lovingly. "Okay," Lance begins. "Then it's agreed we're going to get new lawyers to look over our contracts and then approach Lou about negotiating new ones..."
Everyone nods and Lance asks if anyone has any questions.
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Justin had seen the gentle touches and longing looks between Josh and Lance for weeks. Of course he was the only one who knew that they were a couple, and he tried not to let it bother him. Everytime he felt jealous he would slip away and hook up with Nick. Nick fucked like an animal. He would tear at Justin and rake his back with his nail as he pounded away. Nick continued to let others join in as well. It seemed like half of Orlando had shot their loads into Justin by now... His ass stayed lubed and ready. He stopped caring when Lou forced himself on him. He stopped caring who was in him and what they did. He told himself he enjoyed the sex, but the reality is that he could have cared less... he was hollow... empty... he didn't enjoy the sex, he was trying to have something fill the part of himself that was so lonely... so empty...
Justin hadn't gone to any more meetings nor had he logged on to the chatroom... he also hadn't answered any of Tay's messages... they sat in the inbox of his email... unopened... unread... and unanswered...
Justin had also pulled away from Josh completely... every time Josh came to him to try and talk, Justin made an excuse to leave. It hurt him too much. Here was the guy that he was supposed to be with, but he couldn't. For no matter how much he loved Josh... Lance was his friend too... but sometimes jealousy won out and he got very pissed... like today!
"Yeah Scoop, I have a question," Justin began with a sneer, "How long have you been taking JC's cock up your ass?"
Well that's the end of this chapter... here's hoping it won't be another half a year before I get to the next chapter... I've already got it sketched out so it wouldn't take long to write... but there is that pesky dissertation to consider... don't forget to check out: if you would like to participate... it's entirely anonymous if you want to do it...
Now, I normally always like to give a few nods to other stories that I like... but my writing isn't the only thing I'm behind on... so here's a shout out to all the folks that I've been missing because I haven't been in the chatroom much!