Disclaimer: This is a FICTIONAL story describing the love triangle of a teenage boy. If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you find this type of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you are, then refrain from reading it. The story consists of lust, passion, teenage romance, interracial, love and all the rest of the good stuff in that order... Prepare for sin
CHAPTER 19: The Loudest Words Ever Ignored /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~
"Are we still together?" T-Boy asked me.
I sighed, "We are in the hospital with your adopted brother getting poison treatment and the first thing you do is if we are still together?"
We'd been in the hospital waiting room for over an hour. T-Boy had been asking me a question about where our relationship was at every ten minutes. I really just avoided the questions because my mind was preoccupied with thinking about Sampson. T-Boy didn't seem too concerned about Sampson. He was concerned, but not anywhere near as much as I was concerned.
Shane was there, but he wasn't too concerned about Sampson either. He kept running in and out of the hospital because he was having parking trouble. I had the feeling that he really wanted to just leave, but it wouldn't be morally right. He had showed up for some kind of support after I'd told him Sampson tried to commit suicide. Shane was more furious about having to move his car then sad about Sampson.
Then there was Byron. It pissed me off that he didn't look too distraught either. He was talking to this FLY ass guy who was sitting next to him. Truth was I would have been trying to talk to the guy too, but I was too preoccupied with these depressed thoughts.
They all were superficial at the moment. It was almost like they were there. They said they were supporting Sampson. I guess in a way they really were supporting him by even being at the hospital. Yet still they should have showed a little more interest or concern. It just wasn't right.
"The doctor said Sampson was going to be fine," T-Boy explained, "What are you so miserable about? You should be happy."
He was kind of right. I was more emotional then I usually was. I felt like what happened to Sampson was my fault. It really was my fucking fault! I had blamed Sampson for what Holden did. I was the reason Sampson had tried to commit suicide!
I put my head down, "Its just that this is all my fault."
"What?"
I shook my head. I had wanted to talk to someone about it. T-Boy wasn't exactly the first person that I had in mind, but I knew that if Sampson were better then he'd probably want to see us any time now. How could I look at Sampson knowing that I had blamed him for something his twin brother did?
"No never mind."
"Tell me, Syn," T-Boy poked looking at me with his appealing expression, "What were you just saying?"
I didn't know how to put it. I felt soft. For the first time in my life, I wasn't confident or certain about myself. I had made a mistake. I had made a mistake that could of cost a life. I was such an ass!
"I got mad at Sampson," I explained, "I think that's why he tried to kill himself."
T-Boy laughed, "No, Sampson tried to kill himself because he's an emotional wreck."
Sampson really was an emotional wreck. He took things so personally. I knew it would be so easy to hurt his ego. He was very sensitive. His sensitivity could be triggered off my so many different things.
"No," I explained, "Its because of Holden."
"Holden "
When T-Boy said the name, his voice kind of trailed off and he looked away from me. He looked as though he was remembering Holden. He looked like he was recalling his first love and all the things they shared together. He was recalling his first time with Holden.
"I saw Holden," I explained, "I saw him at a dinner party. I got mad at Sampson the next day because I thought he was Holden and he denied to know me."
"Syn, you keep saying that," T-Boy explained, "I told you that Holden was dead."
"No you don't understand."
I knew what I saw. I knew that I'd seen Holden at that dinner party. I wasn't fucking stupid. I turned around to see T-Boy. His eyes were full of some kind of sensitivity all of a sudden like he was trying to understand exactly what I was saying
"Um so we are still together right?" T-Boy asked, "That break up was just a joke right?"
He'd change the subject back to the relationship again. What the fuck was wrong with him! Did everyone think Sampson trying to kill himself was a joke of some sort? His mind was completely in the gutter!
"I was serious," I said.
He looked gloomy and traumatized when I said it, but that kind of made me feel good. He kept looking at me like I was going to change my mind and I kept looking at him wondering how I could be dumping someone that looked so fucking sexy. He definitely was sexy. I must have been dense but he was just getting on my nerves more and more lately. He had on these puppy dog eyes and his hurt expression made me want to forgive him. I didn't though. I just stared
The doctor had come out at the time and we all knew what it meant. Well, Shane was still outside moving his car. I knew what it meant at least because T-Boy didn't care and Byron wasn't paying attention.
It meant Sampson wanted to see us.
"The patient says its ok to have a couple of people come inside and visit him," the doctor said and explained, "So you all can go on in."
"Byron " I alerted, calling him to stop flirting and realize Sampson was ready.
"Oh. Great, Sampson's ready to see us."
Sampson was ready to see us. Sampson was on the bed when we walked in. Byron and T-Boy went first and I sort of followed behind. I felt pissed off at myself for being so stupid this entire time. I had closed my eyes to the fact that it couldn't have been Sampson who treated me so terribly. "Sampson!" Byron ran over to the bed. He had to be the fucking first one. I looked at him, affirming how truly counterfeit he was. He had gone from flirting with the guy outside, to being back to his exceedingly deep crush on Sampson. Suddenly, it was like Sampson meant the world to him. "Hey, ouch you're squeezing my sides," Sampson complained as Byron gave him this great big hug. T-Boy and I didn't hug Sampson. We didn't even touch him. We just stood off a little and waved. I guess I couldn't bring myself to do it. Half of me wondered if he would even want my hug and the other half wondered if I deserved to be hugging Sampson. I felt so wrong. I hadn't realized how much Sampson meant to me Byron seemed to be sharing my sudden epiphany as well, only he said his words out loud. "I I care about you so much," Byron confessed, suddenly surprising everyone, "I realized it from the moment that I met you. When I heard you were hurt, it broke me. Sampson, I'm so sorry this happened." I couldn't' believe Byron was acting so superficial. I had told him to go see what was out there, but I didn't mean to come onto someone that much and I definitely didn't mean for him to do it to Sampson. The fact that he was saying how much he cared about Sampson, but a minute ago he was macking to some straight guy in the waiting room just proved Byron's confession was a little backwards. Sampson seemed to like it though as he smiled genuinely, "Thank you Byron." "Eh-ehm " I gestured, walking forward, "I brought you some flowers." "Syn aw I don't know what to say." It was gay. I felt like I was on some Disney movie, but I couldn't help it. He smiled as I handed him the bouquet of flowers. It was a stupid idea. He seemed really open to it though. They probably pumped him with gas for him to be so happy about getting flowers even though I had just made his life a living hell. "Yeah well, they were on sale at the gift shop," I excused, trying to make the gift not weigh too much, even though I had bought it for quite a lot. "Ha," he said laughing and then turned to T-Boy, "Hey, Tommy. What's up?" Tommy shrugged, "Nothing. How are you?" They sounded so awkward. I could still tell there was a lot of tension between them. I was glad that I finally found out what the tension was about. T-Boy blamed Sampson for Holden's death and I knew somehow Sampson found a reason to blame T-Boy. Truth was Holden wasn't dead! Soon as they found it out the better. "Cool," Sampson replied and looked at Byron, "Did you tell them I tried to kill myself?" Byron hesitated, "Um no." He had told me that Sampson had tried to kill himself. That was the first thing he had said when he came into the hospital. I knew he was just trying to deny it because I guess he figured Sampson would be mad at him. I didn't see why he would be mad though. If he tried to kill himself, then someone needed to report it. I rolled my eyes, "Yeah he did. I want to apologize for that though. It was my fault. I know why you tried. I messed up your life. I shouldn't have " Sampson laughed, "Syn let me a " "Wait," I interrupted, "I completely was out of line. I had mistaken you for someone else. It was my stupidity. I had gotten close to you and when I felt you betrayed me, I was just so mad. I wanted to get even." "Um " "I'll hate myself forever if you can't forgive me. I'll spend a lifetime trying to make it up to you. I swear! I'll do anything." I finished and it felt like I had gotten a complete heavy ass boulder off my chest. I had been thinking about a way to set things right. I had been the reason that Sampson had tried to kill himself. That was serious. I was wrong and that had caused him to almost take his life. I wasn't being evil though I thought I was protecting myself, but he saw me as being evil. That was what hurt the most. "Damn," Sampson said letting out a smile, "You making me wish that I had actually tried to kill myself." "You mean you didn't try to kill yourself?" "No it was an accident. Someone switched up my pills on me. I stupidly took some expired prescription pills and I thought I was taking Vitamin C." I didn't hear him right the first time that he said it. I asked him slowly, "Wait you really really didn't try to kill yourself?" He shook his head, "No, you weren't that mean. Ha." I gave him a look and then gave Byron and T-Boy a quick glance. I had just embarrassed myself to the greatest point. I had just got another guy flowers and then basically offered to be his human slave for the rest of his life because of how guilty I felt. THIS CORNBALL DIDN'T EVEN STOP ME! "Wow," I said. It was the only word that came to my mouth. "You can still spend a lifetime making it up to me though," Sampson said laughing. I laughed too. It wasn't funny, but I just felt completely relieved. I felt like there was nothing to make me feel bad. I didn't have to be sensitive. No one had tried to kill themselves on my account. I could go back to being normal Syn. "I'll pass," I replied, "But I will apologize. Even though you didn't try to kill yourself because of me, I still acted like a jackass. This taught me a lesson." "Yeah, what was that all about anyway?" Sampson asked, looking like he'd been giving it some thought. "I saw Holden. I thought he was you," I said. "Um there ARE two other people in the room," Byron rudely interrupted, gesturing to T-Boy and himself, "So any way, Sampson " "Byron shut up," T-Boy stopped him and then told me, "Syn, why'd you bring that up. I told you that Holden is dead." Sampson was just staring out. He looked a little nervous and a little worried. He looked like his past had just come back and spread light on a whole situation. Sampson looked sad almost. I would think he'd still be sad though. The death of a brother was a serious thing, but twins had a special connection. "Syn, you know about Holden?" Sampson asked me. "I know he's your twin brother," I noted and folded my arms a little selfishly, "Also, I know he used to be with T-Boy." "I would of told you," Sampson quickly said, not even asking how I found out, "Holden's memory really brings back a lot of tension though. I didn't want to mess up your relationship with Tommy." "Its cool," I replied and looked at T-Boy, "We broke up." The room went silent. T-Boy was looking at me in my eyes with this kind of unspoken regret. The regret was from both our sides. I regretted that we didn't work out and I guess he regretted it too. I just regretted that we made such a nice-looking couple but I couldn't get past my irritation with his habits. T-Boy was lazy and that was my biggest concern but it was also how he seemed to second-guess our relationship constantly. Now that we'd broken up, all I could think about were ways to make it better. I wondered if it was too late. Sampson and Bryon seemed to be over exaggerating with their reactions. "Damn," Byron muttered. "I'm sorry to hear that," Sampson said, with this half-assed frown. It was such a weird event that everyone was quiet for a couple minutes. It seemed weirder to them that I had broken up with T-Boy then the fact that Sampson was sitting in the hospital. I couldn't believe that the reflecting silence that I'd expected for Sampson's situation was now being used for my breakup. I smiled, "Um life goes on, people. Can we get back to me seeing Holden?" "Oh, yeah," Sampson retorted, shaking out of his trance, "Well, Holden's dead." "I told him that," T-Boy explained immediately, "I told him how it happened too. I told him how you tricked me into having sex with you " T-Boy's expression had changed and he looked like he was just pissed. I wondered if he was taking out his resentment for our breakup on Sampson. It seemed like it. It kind of appalled me to see him yelling at someone in a sick bed, but then again I wanted to hear about the past further. I had heard T-Boy's side about what happened and I definitely knew if I opened my ears and didn't interfere, Sampson would let me know his point. "I did not fucking trick you!" Sampson said, hitting the bedpost, "You came in my room! You showed up naked, at that!" "I came to your bedroom only after you pretended to be Holden," T-Boy argued, "You came to my room and told me to meet you in your bedroom." "You make no sense." "How is that?" "If I was pretending to be Holden," Sampson concluded, "Then why would I say to come to my room instead of Holden's room?" Sampson was kind of right. T-Boy just stared at him though, probably seeing the logic. He looked completely confused though. I didn't get it. Either someone was lying or someone had left out a big piece of information. I couldn't believe that the two of them were still blaming one another over the death of a guy who was still alive! If they'd only listened to me then they wouldn't be in this mess. "Tommy, Sampson's right," Byron butted in, "That is suspicious." "Byron shut up," T-Boy said in an irritated tone, "Stop sucking up to him. You weren't there. How would you know what was suspicious? I don't know why Sampson met me in Holden's room. All I know is that I thought Sampson was Holden." "You cheated on him," Sampson said, "At least I can take some responsibility for falling to lust and curiosity. You just tried to deny it to Holden. Holden wasn't upset about the infidelity. He was upset because you didn't admit it. That was why he ran off!" So that was the reason why Sampson figured T-Boy was to blame about Holden dying. I smiled, "Well you guys can stop blaming one another. Holden's alive." They both just stared at me. It was a friendly stare either. It was a half annoyed and half pissed off stare. I felt out of place talking about Holden since I really didn't know him. Byron didn't know him either, but Byron was just making comments to let Sampson know that he was on his side. Byron was still trying to get with Sampson despite all of this talking. Sampson and T-Boy both yelled in unison, "Holden is dead!" "I fucking saw him," I said, "Sampson you weren't at the dinner party for Alpha Phi Alpha were you?" "No, but a lot of people look alike Syn " "He was identical to you!" I replied, sounding a little mad. "You sure?" Sampson asked. "Positive," I replied. He looked kind of worried. He had this heavy expression that caused his eyebrows to arch over in deep thought. His mouth parted a little bit. I wondered what he was thinking about. Whatever it was had caused him to go completely silent. I had never seen Sampson so concentrated as he was in this hospital. "You can't be believing him," T-Boy said, talking about me like I was a fucking lunatic, "Holden is dead." "Holden was burned right?" I asked, thinking about it, "His body was burned too. You probably got the wrong person." "No no Tommy's right," Sampson explained, "Holden's dead. I " He looked like he was about to say something. He sounded like it was something that would be really important. He looked so serious. He looked different. He looked as though he was completely sure about what he had just said. It made me kind of concerned how serious he was about what he said. "Sampson, what is it?" Byron asked. Byron would notice if Sampson was different about Sampson suddenly because he was staring at him the hardest. I looked over at T-Boy. He had the same look of "Holden is dead" on his face, but Sampson's face had completely gone past that. Sampson looked like he had other thoughts. Maybe he thought that Holden really wasn't dead. Maybe he knew something that was making him rethink it "What is it Sampson?" I pushed, wanting to pull his uncertainty to the foreground. "I can't believe this," T-Boy said and sat down in a chair, heavily like he was getting off some weight. T- Boy looked like he believed that Sampson was having second thoughts as well. I pleaded, "Sampson what's on your mind?" "Listen, he's dead ok!" Sampson suddenly shouted loudly, "Syn this one has nothing to do with you. I want you to just drop it!" He shut me up immediately. Sampson sounded really aggressive. He sounded really serious and yet his tone was thought-provoking. My mouth was open with surprise that he had gotten loud with me. T-Boy and Shane were a little surprised too. Sampson had never really gotten loud with anyone but T-Boy. It was weird. The awkwardness set in for a little while everyone avoided eye contact. We all stopped for a moment. "Um I guess I'm out of place," I apologized. I guess I was realizing that I should just stop trying to figure out everything that happened when I wasn't around. Maybe it wasn't my place. "Thanks, Syn," Sampson said, his voice getting a little lower. I stared at the door, "Um I should go check on Yolanda." I left right after that. T-Boy followed behind me and Byron stayed behind to keep Sampson's company. As we walked T-Boy kept bringing up our relationship. I told him that it was over. It had to be over. I had so much on my mind. I felt a little overwhelmed. I was thinking about Sampson. I kept thinking about how sad I was when I thought he had killed himself on my account. I had felt like shit. I had felt like I needed Sampson It was a weird feeling. I just shook it off, but I knew that I needed space with T-Boy. I was kind of upset with the fact that there was someone before T-Boy. I was concerned about Holden and why Sampson reacted the way he did when I said that Holden wasn't dead. He was so sure that Holden was really dead but he still had a look on his face that said he was questioning his own decisions. What was wrong with these people! Holden was alive! They were the loudest words ever ignored. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~ Yolanda came home but she still acted weird. She stayed locked up in her room and spent over an hour in the bathroom washing her hands. The weird traits that she own were making me uneasy. She wasn't as afraid to go outside. Byron took her outside, but he called saying that she had just had a panic attack on the street thinking that Mercedes was spying on her from the bushes. I ignored most of it though. I felt pissed off when she suddenly said she wanted to go to school. I didn't want to be responsible for her. It was Monday. I didn't want to go to school and I definitely didn't want to be responsible for Yolanda. T- Boy and I had worked it out that he would walk her from class to class the first four periods and I would do it the last four. I was using the first four periods of freedom to full advantage. "Hey, Medusa, come here for a moment?" It was lunch hour and since seniors could leave for lunch if they chose, I saw Medusa about to walk out to Burger King with a bunch of these lesbian girls. "Hey, Syn, what's up?" "Um I was kind of wondering something," I said and gave a sad face, "Sampson is coming back to school tomorrow and I was wondering if you can spread some news for me?" "What kind of news?" "I just wanted everyone to know me and Sampson are cool now," I explained. She nodded and gave me a warm smile. I knew she was definitely one of the main gossipers in the school. The news that Sampson and I were cool would basically put him back on the popular list. I definitely had a lot of making up to do for Sampson. I mean it was Sampson. I just kept thinking about Sampson. I kept thinking about how mean I was. I know I wasn't 'THAT' mean, considering I wasn't the cause of him being hospitalized. Still, I felt terrible for not trusting him. The whole Holden thing was making me mad. I didn't blame Holden really. I would be mad as hell if a stranger acted like he knew who I was too. I would probably curse his ass out and try to fight him too. "What's on your mind?" Shane asked. We were outside of a diner that was across the street eating a few burgers. There were a couple tables everywhere and most of the kids around the tables were popular or rich or both. I wondered if he could tell. "Why would something be wrong?" It was hard to hide stuff from Shane. He knew me so well. He was good at understanding people and it wasn't really that I didn't want to tell him. I wanted to tell Shane, but I wasn't sure exactly what to tell him. I was just thinking and thinking. "You aren't eating." He was right. I always ate. The fact that I wasn't eating was really suspicious. I hadn't touched my burger. It was just there and I was just playing with my cap while trying to avoid eye contact with Erica. "Well, you know I'm not with T-Boy anymore, right?" "Of course " That was a stupid question. The entire school knew that I wasn't with T-Boy anymore. Erica was probably the first person to know. Now that Trash was gone, everyone figured that she was probably the most popular girl. I walked in school to find out that she dumped her boyfriend as well. It made me wonder but then I saw Erica. She was dressed in this EXTRA short skirt and she went out of way to let me know that she didn't have any panties on. Erica was sexy but I wasn't interested. She was fake. I knew she only wanted to be with me because I was the most eligible bachelor. Of course, they told Erica to change out of her short skirt or go home, but she just switched to another sexy outfit. She was staring at me even now "Well, it seemed like as soon as I left T-Boy," I explained, "I started recognizing Sampson even more?" "Why? You want to be with Sampson?" "Shh!" I warned, noticing Erica's stare. I hit my hands on the table in frustration with how right he was. It was hard because I wasn't really sure. I wondered if I spoke too early. I mean, it wouldn't be that crazy if I liked Sampson. I was attracted to him before I started dating T-Boy. It wouldn't be that weird if I was attracted to him afterwards as well. Shane was laughing, "You are funny." "How?" "You know that Sampson is crazy for you," Shane explained, "I mean, you basically ignored the whole 'note' thing. You played hard to get then " I rolled my eyes. I did kind of play hard to get, but still. Sampson said he wanted to be friends. He told me he liked me but he also told me he just wanted to be friends. What was that about? If you wanted to be with someone, why would you say you wanted to be friends? If he really liked me, why didn't he try to steal me from T- Boy? He just accepted the fact that I was with T-Boy instead of him. "I'm not even sure if I want to be with him," I retorted, pulling my cap over my eyes to divert Erica's stares. "It's going to look crazy if you did." "How?" Shane leaned over, as though finally wanting to be discreet, "There are about 5 gay guys in the school. I know its not a lot of choice, but if you go out with T-Boy's brother " "His adopted brother," I corrected. Shane laughed, "You think 'They' Care?" He was right. 'They' included all the people who were in my business. They'd find some way to get some scandal out of it. They already knew that now that I wasn't with T-Boy, I had to either go out with Erica or stay single. I looked over at Erica. I remembered the time that Trash beat her up. She was a completely different person then. She was more down to earth then. Now Erica had become like everyone else. She was extremely popular now that Trash was gone. She was also extremely cocky and spoiled. I realized that I was dreaming and just said, "Still. I can't help the way I feel. I keep thinking about his smile. I keep thinking about " Shane laughed again, "Ew, I get the point. Have you thought about Tommy?" "Yeah," I admitted, "I miss him, but that we started to argue way too much. He started to find out how to win the arguments Shane are you listening?" Shane wasn't even concerned. I remembered the time T-Boy had walked out during sex. T-Boy and I were definitely getting to know each other a little too well. He started to know my weaknesses and he started to exploit them. It was smart on his part, but for me it was just completely messed up. "Yeah but look, haha, Tommy's an ass. He's funny but he's an ass." I turned around to see exactly what Shane was talking about. I realized a group of about four or five boys that were across the street. They were standing right outside the school. T-Boy and Big Rob were among them. Then I noticed someone really familiar. It was the boy with the nice eyes who always got nervous. It looked like they were messing with him. "What's that kid's name again?" I asked, looking across the street. "God Syn," Shane laughed, "His name is Lamont and that is the last time I'm telling you. Your memory is always so shot." I rolled my eyes at Shane and looked over at Lamont. I wasn't exactly sure what they were saying to him, but it was clear that they were terrorizing him. Lamont had his fist balled up and he looked like he was about to swing at one of them. I kept wondering about T-Boy. Why would he pick on someone knowing that he was gay and that gay people got picked on all the time around the world? "Lamont looks like he's about to knock the shit out of one of them," I noticed. Shane was laughing heavily and sighed at the thought, "Yeah right. He wants to, but they'll jump his ass in a second." That was the other thing about the school. It wasn't that the unpopular kids were scared to stand up for themselves, but the popular kids traveled in packs. The unpopular kid didn't have a lot of friends and if he really stood up for himself, he'd just get jumped. "Shane, grow up man." "What?" I got up off the table because Shane was laughing so hard. He wasn't the only one. It seemed like a lot of other people were finding this shit kind of funny too. I didn't get it. What was so funny about someone getting provoked? Did it make them feel better about themselves to see a guy being put down? I crossed the street, getting honked at. I stuck my middle finger at the guy in the car and kept walking across the street. I walked slowly because I wanted T-Boy's clique to back off before I got there. They didn't back off, probably because they were having so much fun making Lamont mad. That was when I realized Lamont's right hand was shaking. It had a tighter grip. I jumped in the way just as Lamont was swinging to hit Big Rob. "Whoa! Slow your roll, man," I said, grabbing his arm in midair Lamont looked heated. It was kind of funny because his angry expression looked like a bull. He was breathing heavily and he was shaking with resentment. I clutched his fist and pushed him back away from Big Rob and the rest of them a little. It was hard to do because Lamont was definitely strong. "Let him go, Syn," Big Rob commanded. I turned around, while still clutching to Lamont, "You guys are fucking asses. All of you." I looked at T-Boy as I said 'all'. T-Boy loved to act hard. He got off putting on that front for everyone to see. Meanwhile, he had been begging me to go back out with him and said some sensitive things along the way. Now he tough-looking trying to prove that he was just as much of a man as the rest of his pig-headed crew. "Asses?" Big Rob laughed, "Tommy, you better check your boy " "Or what?" I asked, "You guys aren't going to jump Lamont. I'm here now. It's not five on one. Its five on two." I would have been all in Big Rob's face, but I was still holding Lamont back. Big Rob was a retard. Out of all of the popular kids, he was the only ugly one. My ass looked 20X better then his face. He made up for his ugliness with trying to beat up every good-lucking guy that wasn't popular. I knew it was the only reason that Big Rob was really beefing with Lamont. He would make different excuses, but it was just jealousy. "Syn calm down," T-Boy said, "We weren't really going to jump him. We were just joking with him." "He's not laughing!" I retorted, "Besides aren't you supposed to be watching Yolanda?" A security guard had come out of the building and noticing the raised voices. He eyed us and I noticed that T-Boy, Big Rob and their nameless followers were getting uneasy. "Lets go," T-Boy directed. They left, each of them giving Lamont an evil stare. I imagined being Lamont. He looked embarrassed and nervous. I probably just had too much pride, but I would have been trying to hit them just like Lamont wanted to. I probably wouldn't have waited as long as Lamont did to hit them either. "I could have handled it!" Lamont hissed, pulling his arm away from me and looking pissed. He was piling up some books. I would have helped him, but I didn't like the attitude that he was giving off at the moment. The conflict most likely occurred because one of the boys had made Lamont drop the books out of his backpack. Lamont had that huge nerd backpack too that made me pity him. It was an ugly pack. "Yeah you would have got jumped too," I said and then added, "But I don't need a thank you. I see you are in your whole 'macho' mood right now." He got hit with the fact that he really got an attitude with me and that I had just stuck up with him. He lifted his head up as long as his books and just sort of stared at me with this appreciative look. "I'm sorry. I'm just pissed at them always messing with me all the time," he grumbled, "For no reason." He sat down on the stairs of the school. Lamont's hands were still shaking with anger. I sat next to him. I could understand how pissed he was. "Yeah. I know what you mean." "How can you know what I mean?" Lamont asked, a little apprehensively, "Why are you even being so nice to me, anyway?" "I can't be nice?" "Well you don't really want to be my friend," Lamont explained, "You didn't call me. I waited all weekend " "You did?" I asked, a little surprised, "A lot came up this weekend. My friend was in the hospital." It was the truth plus, I forgot he gave me his number. "I'm sorry," he apologized and then paused, "I was sort of wishing we could be friends." He definitely took the little conversation that I'd had with him at lunchtime to heart. I mean, I did initiate the whole conversation and I did want to be friends, but he seemed to desire it just a little too hard. It was cute though and the fact that I could make someone feel good with just my presence made me feel good. "Why can't we?" "You know why " I shook my head at him, "No I don't." "Look at you," Lamont noted passionately, "Look who you hang out with. You are best friends with Shane, who is going to get into the NBA. Erica has a crush on you and she has already been in two major movies. " "You know about Erica's crush too?" I asked. Damn it was that obvious. Lamont continued, "Yeah. Then there's the fact you are like the best looking guy in the school and even straight kids idolized your relationship with Tommy." I whistled to get his attention, "Ok, ok, enough with the compliments." It wasn't that they were getting annoying, but it was just that half the stuff he was saying was making me uncomfortable. I wasn't the best looking guy in the school. I was decent and could probably turn a few heads, but without my popularity no one would have thought that. People idolizing T-Boy and I was crazy. T-Boy and I were broken up which proved we weren't an ideal couple. "Sorry " Lamont said. He apologized a lot. It reminded me of Sampson when I first met him. "Its ok," I said and then raised my eyes, "Listen. Everything is superficial. You should just care about yourself. Fuck what everyone else is doing." He shook his head, "Easy for you to say." "Yeah it is," I agreed, "Because I worry about number 1 everyday. I think about what is good about me. Why don't you stop worrying about all the things good about the popular kids and think about you?" Lamont laughed, "You sound like my great-grandmother. She told me that if love is blind, then you can't see everything else." His laugh was full and it seemed like he had forgotten all about Big Rob and T-Boy. "Well yeah," I smiled, "She's on the right track. Love yourself. Its nice to see you laughing " Lamont turned to me, "You aren't like them " "You didn't notice that yet?" "Well no," Lamont explained, "I kind of hoped it when you talked to me in the cafeteria. You are a cool person, but it seems like you are more like me then like them " He was still giving me compliments. I smiled and said, "Yeah. Thanks." "The kids in Brunswick seem so " " Artificial?" I finished for him. "Right!" Lamont exclaimed, laughing hard like he was choking, "You and I think so much alike." He was right. It was good to think that Lamont and I thought alike. We weren't alike though. I knew that. We were something like opposites. He and I thought about the same things, but we reacted differently. He was very passive and I was very well non-passive. "I'm just me," I said. It was the only thing that I could say. "Yeah. It seems like you are one of those people who knows what they want." I wanted Sampson. It was hard even admitting it to myself. Even now, I just kept thinking about Sampson's stare and about the way Sampson had always been so nice when I first met him. I thought about how Sampson envied the relationship that I had with T-Boy. I recalled the notes Sampson wrote. I recalled the poems. "I don't know. Lamont, can I ask you something?" Lamont nodded, "You stuck up for me earlier, so you can ask me anything." "Well," I explained, "If you want to do something, but you know that it is morally wrong to do it and that people may not like you for it. It's nothing illegal, but still wrong. Yet, even though its wrong, you know that it would make you happy. Would you do it?" I was talking about pursing Sampson. T-Boy would be pissed off. The entire school would be in a riot that I'd had turned my back on T-Boy. Lamont smiled as though reading my mind, "Take your own advice. Worry about yourself first " "You're right." He was. I needed a basic stranger to tell me that I was acting really stupid for not pursing Sampson. T-Boy would be pissed. It was kind of soon for me to be moving on but still. The feeling that I had was crazy. I had been so upset at myself for thinking I'd been the cause of hurting Sampson. I'd never felt so bad about myself before. Sampson had made me feel that way. He had made me feel emotion. I just had to know if Sampson was really the person that I was supposed to end up with instead of T-Boy after that three-way. Sampson Sampson Sampson "Syn snap out of it, " Lamont's voice said. "Oh, what were you saying?" "I was asking how it was when you told everyone you were gay." "Um. It was easy," I said my mind somewhere else, "Just said, 'I'm gay'. Told them to deal with it. Oh shit, man. I got to go. I'll see you later." "Yeah ok. Hopefully ah maybe, we can talk again sometime?" "Ok. Bye." I got up and went to catch the cab that had just dropped a woman off. I heard the security calling at me, wondering where I was going. We weren't allowed to take vehicles during lunch, plus lunch was basically over with and everyone was being rushed out. I was cutting the rest of school day. I jumped in the cab and told them Sampson's address. I had to talk to him. I didn't know what I was going to say, but I knew I had to say something to him. I just had this rush. It felt real weird, like probably how the guys got in the shitty romantic movies. I think it was called an epiphany. Regardless of what the fucking emotion was called, I got it and I was rushing to go see Sampson. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As I got to Sampson's house, I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to say. I just knew that I had to make it sound good. The cab driver didn't help my thinking process either because he kept speeding on bumps. I cursed loudly, letting him know that I wasn't enjoying it. When we got to Ms. Nicole's house, the cab driver slowed down almost to a slow stop. I thought of ditching him, but just paid because I saw Ms. Nicole standing outside. She was sweeping the front. "If it isn't the walking Get-Rich-Quick Scheme?" I asked aloud, watching her. Surprisingly Ms. Nicole didn't look pissed to see me. In fact she looked a little happy. She put down her gloves and broom in this weird manner and came to me. She was touching me on my shoulder, guiding me to the house. "Syn, you never come to visit!" she said, putting on the fakest smile I ever seen. The nerve of this bitch! "Visit? You told me to get the fuck out remember?" I recalled. "Did I?" Ms. Nicole asked, looking surprised, "If I did, then you know it must have been out of complete anger." I shrugged as we walked into the house. It was the same way that it was before. When I was there, she was making all kinds of nice repairs. I guess the money had run out and now Ms. Nicole was desperate. Still, I wondered what her desperateness had to do with me. I damn sure was not rich. "Well, I came to see Sampson," I said. "He's upstairs," she said, "Fresh from the hospital. Can I talk to you for a moment though? Its kind of important." I didn't want to talk about her. Ms. Nicole still had that deceit and callous written all over her. I doubted she even went to the hospital to visit Sampson. Sampson was still the innocent idealist though. Everything was romanticized to look good in his eyes, including his evil mother. Sampson was too much of a good person to be dealing with this bitch. "I don't want to talk to you," I clearly stated, "You just smell like greed." "Oh, this will interest you," Ms. Nicole explained, "Its about Sampson kind of." "How?" I asked, wanting to give a listen if it had to do with Sampson. "Listen," she whispered in a sneaky way, "Well the lady who I adopted Sampson from used to be dirt poor but now she is rich. She is rich like .million rich! She wants to reclaim Sampson." It always had to do with money with Ms. Nicole. I didn't get it. She wasn't in that deep of a need for money. She wasn't that poor. However, Ms. Nicole seemed like she would commit murder for money. When she spoke of it, there was this glitter in her eye that was just weird. It was pathetic and disturbing at the same time. "Millions?" I asked, then thought for a moment, "Holden " "You know then," Ms. Nicole said, "Holden is Sampson's brother. Holden died or at least we thought he did. He didn't though. He survived, got a million dollars and shared it with his real mother." Jesus. That was a crazy thing to do. You give your son up for adoption and then he returns to make you a millionaire. Some people had all the luck "Good for her. Sampson says Holden is dead though " "Well Becky saw Holden in the newspaper," Ms. Nicole explained, giving me the scoop. "Oh WOW, Becky!" I said, laughing at her ignorance, "Get to your point." "His mother sent me a check. She said if I can get her son to come to least visit her, then I'd get the other half. I guess she wants to make amends." "Ok! What does it have to do with me?" She was pissing me off. All this stuff had to do with Sampson and I did care about what was going on in Sampson's little life, but why was 'she' telling me? It did make me sick how everything seemed to have an amount written on it for Ms. Nicole. "Sampson doesn't know his mother contacted me," Ms. Nicole explained, "She wants it to be a secret. I want you to fool Sampson into visiting her." She was just too deceitful. Her adopted son just had his real mother contacting her and she didn't even tell him. That was just shady. "Why should I help you?" "I saw the way you two are," Ms. Nicole said, "Sampson's a homosexual. I know it. With Tommy, you surprised me, but I knew Sampson was. I saw how your homosexual tendencies were all mixed with Sampson's." Straight people talked so crazy. I could tell Ms. Nicole probably had little or no knowledge of gay people. "What?" I asked, completely lost with what she said. "You like him," she simply rephrased, "I don't know if its homosexual-like but I know you like him. You want him to know his real mother don't you?" "Why me though?" "He likes you too," Ms. Nicole said, "When you left, he spent a month talking about you." "Ok, ok," I explained, "So how will I get him there?" "I'll schedule a ski trip for the two of you this weekend," Ms. Nicole said, "Ask him out on some kind of homosexual date. Sampson's real mother lives up in the mountains. I'll give you an address." "Ok fine. Oh and I'm getting some of that money right?" She grimaced, "Yeah ok." I really didn't care about the money. I was doing this only to get Sampson to meet his real mother after so long and the chance to spend some time with Sampson didn't seem too bad. I had asked for the money just to make Ms. Nicole pissed. She looked like she was pissed when she agreed to give up some money. It was all really worth it. Ms. Nicole said that Sampson was upstairs. She said that people had been in and out all day trying to wish him better health. She said that he was basically healed though. I hoped he was healed because I definitely planned on talking about some stuff to him. I had it all planned out. I would tell him that I would want to be with him and the first act of our relationship was to go on that ski trip that Ms. Nicole scheduled. We would go see his mother on Friday and then spend the rest of the weekend skiing and having a lot of fun. I knocked on his room door. Sampson came out and closed the door behind him. He looked surprised. His shirt was off and he had shorts that were barely pulled up. It exposed his v-shaped waistline. He had a small magic trail of hair that rose underneath his navel. He looked sexy as hell. I could smell the Tag Body Spray aroma. He looked as though he had completely gotten over the whole pill situation. His abs and chest were cut like he was working out. He looked rippled and sweaty. He must have been really hitting them weights because he even looked a little tired. "Syn?" "Um. I wanted to give you this " At first I was just going to hug him, but I realized I wanted to do more. I put my arm on his sweaty chest as I leaned forward. I could smell the sweat that was in the air. It smelled so good. I pushed my lips up against his. It was a passionate kiss. I had tried to tongue him, but I guess he didn't catch on. As I pulled back, I realized that my face had the biggest smile on it. I smiled at him but he wasn't smiling back. He looked a little sad and confused. That was when I smelled another aroma besides sweat and Tag Body Spray. I realized that there was also a smell of sex "Syn," Sampson started and just paused for a moment while turning the doorknob "You should know something." He opened the door completely and I saw Byron lying on Sampson's bed. Byron was covered in sheets and he seemed surprised to see me. I knew he was naked underneath those sheets. Byron looked a little uncomfortable as he said, "Oh Hey Syn." I just stared at Byron. He was definitely naked and he was definitely on Sampson's bed. Byron was sweating just as much as Sampson was. I couldn't help asking, "What? You two having sex now?" Sampson explained, as though feeling my inner questions, "Well, Byron and I are kind of a couple now."