This is my pathetic attempt at a romance novel. it is not actually a novel, cause its too short, but i've been told its really good. it is not real, never was, and it doesnt imply that anyone in here is gay or anything. write to ajsaysyourefired@yahoo.com And oh yeah, its called "God must have spent a little more time on you" or "god must have spent" for short.
"Oh no.." Nick cried out to himself, as the clock chimed nine pm. The time would be here soon. He must decide if- Ding Dong. Dressed in slacks and a button down linen shirt, Nick slowly opened the door. There it was. All of Nick's life, his heart, his love, his soul, standing at the door, along with a bottle of champagne and a single red rose. Nick smiled slightly, afraid of what was to be. His caller's sweet smile, love in their eyes and hearts, told them both that this was meant to be. "C-come in." Nick said, his mouth dry. Brian smiled. "Okay. This is for you," he handed Nick the flower. "And this is for us." He motioned to the champagne. Nick swallowed. "But I'm too young to drink." Brian went to the kitchen and pulled two champagne flutes from the small cupboard. "If you're old enough to handle what's happened to us in the last year," he called, bringing two glasses of the drink back, "then you're old enough to drink. I mean, just think." He rose the glass to his lips thoughtfully, as Nick sniffed at the dark liquid in the other glass. "A lot can happen in one year. So much, you and I." He looked up and smiled at Nick. Nick met his eyes and smiled sweetly, and Brian flashed his famous smile that made the girls scream, and made Nick's heart thud. But it was okay. That was what he wanted, and they needed. "Come on, let's dance." Brian said. He put in a c.d. ("This I Promise You"-by *NSync) and held his arms out to Nick. Nick set his glass down, dimmed the lights, and went to him. They danced slowly, feeling the closeness of each other's bodies. Brian's head, with his soft blonde hair on Nick's chest, and Nick with his arms around Brian's small (5'7 tall) body gently. They both sighed contentedly. Nick sighed again, closed his eyes, and laid his head on Brian's shoulder, seven inches shorter than his own. He felt Brian's head move, and then soft, cool, sweet lips on his own. Nick kissed him back slowly, without opening his eyes. He put his hands around Brian and he held his head in both hands while they kissed. Brian's arms went around Nick's neck and pulled his mouth more firmly to his own. Nick wondered how all this could be possible, him and Brian. This was Brian after all, B-Rok, his best friend Brian Littrell, fellow Backstreet Boy. Only one year ago, he would have never even considered kissing Brian. Never. And now, not only was he kissing Brian, but B-Rok was kissing him too. After all that had happened in one year...but it was okay. After all, what's fans and media and family and everyone else's thoughts and feelings of contempt, disgust and pity, compared to standing there, looking your love in the eyes? Nick kissed a bit harder, more painfully with the memories (the memory of being looked down upon by many family and friends) and kissed deeper into Brian's mouth, knowing why all of it was worth it...maybe just this one night... Brian sighed and let go, burying his face into Nick's neck. Nick hugged him, gently rubbing Brian's back with the tips of his fingers. Brian hugged Nick, his Nick, and slowly, very very slowly, he began to pull down Nick's slacks. Nick shut his eyes and began to breathe deeply. Although he and Brian have been "together" (in a relationship) for almost a year, and he's kissed and held Brian countless times, this was something new, something they'd never done before. They'd never removed any clothing before. Nick shook a little as Brian pulled down his pants, and his bare legs greeted the chilly air. Brian simply smiled at him and caressed the insides of his thighs, almost all the way up. Nick felt exposed. The thin material of his navy blue boxers felt almost invisible. He didn't like it, standing in his living room, half-dressed. He was cold, nervous and anxious. But the way that Brian kissed him, the way he felt Brian's gentle hands caressing the smooth, tender skin on the insides of his thighs, gently under the leg of his boxers...Nick sighed and quickly pulled off Brian's shirt, double checking to make sure the windows were closed and locked, and the blinds were firmly in block of anyone's view. Brian unbuttoned Nick's shirt, but let it hang on him, returning his attention to Nick's legs, and kissing his neck now. Nick rested his hands on Brian's belt buckle, and removed the belt, carelessly tossing it across the room and onto the floor. Brian smiled at him and kissed him again. Nick unbuttoned Brian's jeans, and unzipped them. Soon Brian wore nothing but his boxers, and Nick wore his opened shirt and boxers. "Are-are you scared too, Brian?" Nick said to him softly, and he held him, hugged him close... Brian sighed. "No. I'm not scared. I love you too much to be scared. Because even if it hurts, maybe just a little it will, than it won't hurt a bit because love hurts. And I love you Nick, with all my heart and soul and life I love you, I don't care what they all say. So what if we don't have hardly any friends anymore and our families hate us. Because we have each other." Brian looked up into his eyes, the bluest of all eyes, the love that shone in them. "And it's worth it, you're worth it, I love you, and-" Brian kissed Nick's lips "-you are love." Nick smiled wistfully. "Oh Brian, if only I could find words to tell you how much I love you. You're right, it is worth it...as long as you love me and as long as I have you." Brian smiled, slipping his hands underneath the hem of Nick's boxers. Kissing his neck, chest, Brian very slowly pulled down Nick's boxers. Nick's heart stopped for a second. He was scared. So scared. Nick swallowed as Brian's gentle hands touched him with love, but even so, a forbidden touch with love is still a forbidden touch. Nick bit his lip to refrain from crying. Why? Why would he cry, cry now, while in the arms of the man he loved? Was it because of the love, building up inside him as he so surely felt Brian's caresses? Or was it because of his near nakedness, knowledge of what was surely to happen, and he was without a doubt terrified. He had never done this before, and although he as sure he loved Brian, loved him, loved the way he kissed him and loved the soft touches, it was scary. What would it feel like? Would it hurt? Surely it would, but how much? Who would actually play the part of `the man'? Aren't these things just...known? "I-I'm cold." Nick shivered, as Brian's touch came closer. Brian kissed his neck, and hugged him tight. "Sit down, on the floor." B-rok said softly, his words muffled from his face in Nick's chest. He took a step back, and looked at him, his Nick, his love, up and down, causing Nick to blush and drop his eyes. Brian stared at him a bit, then looked back up and smiled. "I'll build a fire," he said. "And then we can keep each other warm." He said in a sexy voice. Nick nodded faintly, and sat down, getting a soft quit to lay on and cover up with in case they got cold. Walking around in his boxers, Brian built a fire, then turned the lights out, the dim light from the fire being plenty enough, casting shadows on Nick's white walls, no longer covered with framed photographs of his family. Brian sat down beside Nick now, and handed him his glass of champagne. Nick took a small drink, and coughed. "Yuck!" he said. Brian laughed. He set down his glass, and then pulled off Nick's shirt. Nick sighed now that he was fully naked. He looked over at Brian, and decided his love should keep up. He pushed Brian back gently, so that Brian was laying down, and Nick smothered him in sweet kisses. Gently, he began to pull off Brian's boxers, a bit scared, Nick's heart was pounding, but slowly, inch by inch, Brian was naked. Nick pulled Brian to him, so that they entwined, and touched. Brian's eyes said love, and that he liked this. He laid his head on Nick's chest and Nick stroked his hair. "I like this cuddling." Brian said softly. "Better than cuddling with our clothes on?" Nick murmured. Brian sighed contentedly. "Oh yes, much better." "Brian, are you scared?" Nick suddenly burst out, holding him tightly. "Scared? What do you mean?" "Are you scared of...of making love?" "Nick, we've already made our love." Brian said, looking him in the eyes and kissing him tenderly. The look in Nick's eyes told Brian what he really meant, and B-Rok sighed. "No." he said. "I'm not afraid. Because it's you, and I love you. I would never be afraid of anything if you were there with me. I know the situation might be a little scary, but I'm not scared. When we physically make love, Nick, don't worry, there will be nothing to be afraid of, you'll see." Nick swallowed, looking deep into Brian's blue eyes. "Than show me."he whispered. Brian smiled to ease his lover's fear. They had actually never made love before, but Brian was confident. It would be good, it would be the best, because their love was true. They'd felt it deeper, longer than any love they each had thought they'd felt for others. Nick sighed and Brian began kissing him; Brian wasn't a virgin, but Nick was, and Brian knew he should lead him into it slowly. Brian carefully and gently spread Nick's legs. Nick's muscles tensed and his heart beat faster. Brian kissed Nick from head to toe, and gently touched him between his legs. Nick's legs closed automatically in a reflex to the touch, and Brian patiently spread them again. He sat between Nick's opened legs so they couldn't close, and he began to stroke Nick. Nick's arms went around Brian tight and hugged him hard, in pleasure, fear, anxiety, nervousness, and love. Brian's fingers were gentle yet firm, and Nick's lips trembled and he kissed Brian's neck and ear as his leg muscles tensed. Brian kept kissing him, and soon stopped touching him. Instead, now he brought Nick to him and held him, and whispered into and kissed his ear. Nick began to cry. Brian stroked his hair and kissed him and held him and soon Nick stopped crying. Brian gently laid him down, on his back, and laid down next to him. Nick smiled at Brian and said "I love you" softly. Brian kissed him and smiled. Brian got up and into position, without touching Nick yet. He lined himself up. Nick lifted his head to look at his love, but Brian gently laid him down again. Nick sighed nervously, knowing what was going to happen. Brian sensed his fear, and leaned over and kissed him. Brian touched Nick's naked rear end, and set his hands on it. Nick swallowed. "Are you sure you're okay?" Brian asked him softly. "I won't do it if you don't want to do it. I won't hurt you, I promise. I love you, Nick." Nick swallowed. "Take me." he said, barely audible. "Do it, take me." He said, a bit louder, with slightly more confidence. Brian kissed Nick's neck. He considered, for one brief moment, not doing it tonight, but some strange force, possibly intuition, told him he must do it tonight. That tonight was very important. He looked down to pay attention, because even though he wasn't a virgin, he'd never done it to a male before. Nick was his first real love, and his first male/gay love. But... Brian's mind said. he thought, and he looked down at Nick, his legs spread just for Brian, Nick's wide blue frightened eyes staring at the fire, waiting for his love to begin. Brian sighed. Brian thought firmly. Brian reached over and got out the tube of lube from his jeans pocket he'd brought along with him. He hadn't bothered with a condom, he loved Nick, and Nick loved him. He put some on himself, and some onto Nick. Nick sighed, knowing they were just about ready. Brian spread Nick's cheeks, and lowered himself into him. He didn't go all the way, he just went partway. He didn't actually enter him yet, just set himself right outside the tiny opening. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" Brian said softly. "Now that you know..."he sounded almost like he would cry, "if I do it, you'll have it, Nicky..." Nick let out a small breath. He took a shaky sigh, and closed his eyes, thinking. Yes. Yes, Brian was worth it...wasn't he? "Y-yes." Nick said softly. "I couldn't live without you, or without having you, and you know that. I don't care about anything else...just you."he said, as soft as a whisper. "Take me Brian, we can burn in hell together. Love always. Love you." Brian almost wept with joy...this love...the immensity of it. Nick actually loved him that much? "I love you." Brian said, kissing him. Nick sighed softly. He sighed softly and closed his eyes and told Brian to take him, to make the love they shared, together. "I love you so so much." Brian quickly wiped a tear from his eye, and shook his head to gather his bearings. He had to concentrate. He knew this would hurt his Nick, and wanted it to be as painless as humanly possible. He spread Nick's cheeks and took a deep breath. Brian counted three, and quickly shoved his penis up into Nick's hole, but not before warning him and asking him yet again if he was so sure he really wanted this. Even though...even though... Brian slipped his hands under Nick's hips, and rammed him. Nick let out a small sound of pain to which Brian immediately apologized. Brian held Nick's hands in his own as he did him. Nick moaned in pain, and Brian leaned forward and kissed his neck. Brian spread his legs, and entwined them with Nick's. Brian told Nick how much he loved him, and then began to cry, for now he was doing the one thing he never wanted to do in his whole life ever. Kill the person he loved. He began to cry because of what he was doing to Nick. Brian had AIDS. Full-blown AIDS, not HIV. That's why he'd been so weak and sick lately. He didn't get it from Nick, oh no (although that's the reason he was crying now-he was giving it to Nick, his Nicky). He'd gotten it from his last girlfriend, who'd never even told him she had it. Even after they broke up, and had had sex aplenty times. Brian's doctor had told him when he had a checkup. He didn't tell Nick because he loved Nick, and didn't want to lose him. If Nick left him, he would surely die. Brian kissed him, his Nicky, while Nick breathed deeply and felt the love and death pour into him. How could such sweet love eventually bring death? It shouldn't have to be this way... "I'm sorry." Brian wept as he did it. "I'm sorry I'm doing this to you...I love you, I shouldn't..." "Shh, it's okay." Nick rose his hips a bit to match his rhythm to Brian's. He wanted more, and Brian's reluctant sex didn't satisfy much. "Come on Frick. Don't be afraid." Nick coaxed. "I love you. We can die together. I wouldn't want it or have it any other way. If you died...I would go mad. So this way we can go together. No matter who goes first, we'll meet again." he said poetically. "Come on, do it. Take me Brian, don't hold out on me!" Brian sighed. "You really truly do love me." he realized. "I will see you again, we'll be together forever, whether it's alive and around, or dead and in hell." he began rocking Nick, and stroked his hair. "And I love you, always forever." he climaxed, and both he and Nick groaned. When it was over, Nick held Brian as he bawled for giving the person he loved more than anything the death card. Nick kissed him and tried as best as he could to console him. Brian would have cried all night, but Nick cuddled him and held him so close, and kissed him, and told him he would be willing to die to get Brian's love. Brian fell asleep on Nick's chest, with Nick's strong arms protecting him. Nick found himself holding Brian tighter and closer as a feeling a dread and terror consumed him. To his absolute horror, his Brian, his love, stopped breathing at 2 am. Nick cried and cried, but what could he do? He cradled his only love in his arms, now knowing the reason he'd felt so unexplainably that tonight was important. He kissed him, and looked up at the stars, knowing in his heart where his sweet Brian was. He cradled his sweet Brian, his dead body in his arms, and fell asleep, staring at the stars out his window and knowing that this was meant to be, and knowing that he, too, would go soon, and then he could see his only true love. His B-Rok. Forever. Hey, there are worse things. "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You" write to ajsaysyourefired@yahoo.com for all questions or comments..or hatemail, but i'd really rather not get any of the latter....