This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY!
Cast of characters:
Michael Timothy Headly -- That's me!
Spike -- (Diane, my big sister)
Mary -- My mom
Tom -- My father.
Gilbert Blank -- Friend from Woodland
Joey Gray -- Gilbert's "little brother"
Bobby Pepper -- New friend
Arlo Gates - Orienteer
Randy Samson -- Arlo's roomie
James Samson (Jay) Randy's adopted brother and ... My Twin!
Blair -- New Roomie
... From Chapter 16:
I took out my gift to him at the last minute and almost had to throw it at him as we checked in and they could not follow us any further. As we worked our way through the long line at security, I watched him open it. Then he looked up with tears running down, and turned away. His father followed him toward the door. He turned once more just before going out the door. It was impossible at that distance to see details -- even expression -- but he stood there transfixed for several seconds and than ran out the door -- out of sight -- to catch up with his dad.
On the plane, Randy pulled me close to him. "I knew you'd take it hard. Even I am kind of disappointed. I love seeing you two together. I know I can't actually see you, but just knowing that you might have been together and what you might have been doing -- kind of -- maybe in a perverse way -- helped me deal with my own -- um -- my own -- homoerotic feelings." I closed my eyes -- to shut out the curious and cruel eyes, and just lay down on his chest. I thought about how being blind sometimes might be a blessing.
Chapter 17
Well, it IS Christmas! I couldn't ruin everyone else's holidays, could I? I was somewhat of a celebrity in Williams, with their hearing of my saving Blair. He called me -- as promised -- "at least" twice a week. (Like ... how about every day!) That was okay, because it helped me keep my thoughts off Jay. But then ... I called HIM every day, so that kind of defeated that, didn't it?
The truth was I loved talking to both of them. I loved hearing how much my twin loves me, but of course craved him telling me he would someday be mine alone -- which he didn't do. I wanted to tell him that's how I felt, but he already knew that.
Blair was another story. I hated what he stood for in my life as I grew up. As a swimmer, I was not uncoordinated or anything, but ... I good grades were also important to me. I've known a few footballers like Blair's former friend, Todd -- just plain too stupid to understand anything more complex than an arithmetic problem. But I believe most were just not motivated to study and so they became bullies to make up from their own lack of training.
I got the training and help at home -- from my mom and dad, from Diane! Blair's parents obviously cared for him. But it seems like he missed something. But as I talked with him over the two weeks in California, he grew on me. I have come to understand that we love whom we serve.
Christmas was nice, but other than my sis and Randy making their formal commitment to each other, it was not remarkable in any other way. I was very happy about their engagement. I loved him like a brother already. I don't know if Diane knew what was inside his pants yet! She was not very experienced with guys, so she may have taken the rather large lump for granted and not even thought much of the hard rod she probably felt when they hugged.
Or, she may have been fucking his brains out ... but knowing Randy, I doubt it. He's too committed to his religious convictions for that ... probably.
Anyway, by New Years I was as anxious to get back to my twin as Randy was to stay in California. We both were disappointed in those counts.
When I would see Jay, he always showed me unconditional love ... unless you consider it a condition that he would never touch me "inappropriately". My body craved him day and night. If his body was pining in any way ... for me ... he must have found other ways of taking care of it!
Well, in truth, I spent more time self- satisfying than I ever had in my life! It was a little disconcerting to me that more and more, I was fantasizing about the big buff and handsome, blond, curly headed boy in the room next to me -- as I was doing myself! Then about a month after the first of the year, I came home frustrated from the Samsons -- yet another frustrating time with Jay. I could see yearning in his eyes and love in Jay's voice, but Randy gave me more physical love than my twin did.
Randy and I arrived home that night later than usual, and after my shower, etc., after our night-time wanking ritual, (I was actually quite successful in concentrating on Jay!), Randy's breathing was quite even when I heard crying from the other room again. Randy was sleeping like the dead, so I crept out and into Blair's room. I closed the door and whispered, "Blair? You awake?"
"Yes." Came his whimpering reply.
Gingerly, I sat on his bed, fearing an outburst as I did a few weeks earlier. "What's wrong Buddy?"
He grabbed my arm and hugged it. "I'm so fucked up! Excuse me -- um -- m-m-messed up! Margaret, the school psychologist tells me to forget about Todd. How can I forget my best friend since 3rd grade? Especially when I know he liked doing those things we were forced to do as much as I did! He was my best friend, for craps sakes!
"And as far as my brother is concerned, Margaret wants me to leave him alone too."
"Your little brother? Leave him alone?"
"He forgave me! We cried all night on Christmas Eve, and we made up!"
"But -- what did she mean to `leave him alone'?"
"We've been fooling around again -- you know brother stuff."
"Yeah, probably the kind of stuff I'd like to be doing with my brother!" I thought.
"Um -- when you say, `fooling around', are you talking sexual stuff?"
"She says since he's underage, I shouldn't play with him."
"You told her what you've done with your brother?"
"Yeah. I trust her."
"I'm not so sure I'd be that trusting, but she's probably right about not messing with him -- for now."
"But Marshall likes it! Marshall likes it and I can't play with him ... Todd likes it but won't admit it! That's just f-f- messed up! I just -- oh -- crap! I love them both so much!"
"Has she said anything about finding someone else?" I asked.
"I don't want no one else!" He said. "Except - "
"Except - ?"
"N-never mind. It's stupid!"
"Nothing's stupid!" I retorted.
"It's stupid, `cuz I have always heard about people falling for their psychologist!"
"What? You've been falling for Margaret?!"
He turned his face away from me. "No." He said.
"But -- you just said - - I mean -- oh! Was it that police psychologist? He's an old man! Or at least and older man! And you only saw him that one time, didn't you? How can - "
He turned to me and pulled me close to his face -- nose to nose. "Mikey -- you've been more of a psychologist than either of them!"
"I'm not a psycolog -- what? You -- you -- what?"
"I know! It doesn't make any sense to me either! It makes sense that I could fall for Margaret -- even though she's in her thirties! And of course my brother or even Todd. Todd's my best friend -- since I was eight! But I just met you!"
"Yeah -- I know."
"And as nice as you have been to me -- I know how you feel about jocks!" He said, still keeping my face up close to his.
I pulled away gently. "Blair -- I don't hate you. I told you before that I almost felt that way, but -- you explained to me -- what was going on and that -- you -- um -- well -- I can see that you have changed. You're not that person you were last year. I have to tell you -- with all the conversations we've had -- I have feelings for you too."
Again he looked away. "But -- Mikey -- I have more than just feelings for you. It feels like I love you."
"Why shouldn't we love each other. We both care for each other. Room mates usually develop a love for one another!"
"But I have sexual feelings -- for you." He whispered.
I wanted to say, "Umm -- T.M I.?" But what came out is -- "Yeah, I know."
"What? How could you -- has it been that obvious?" He exclaimed.
"No. Blair, I didn't plan it this way -- at all -- but lately, I've been thinking of you -- your cute face -- your beautiful body -- as I -- um -- have been -- um -- going to sleep!"
"I'm not a dummy -- like Todd is -- I know what you're telling me. You've been jackin' off thinking about me, haven't you?"
"Well, I -- uh - "
"I know `cuz that's what I've been doin'!" He turned back to me with a pained expression. Mikey -- I like girls! Why would I be thinking about you? I mean I know why you're thinking about me. You're gay! And that's okay! But -- but -- I'm not! I like girls!"
"It seems to me that you like guys too." I said.
"NO! I DON"T! I CAN"T! I like girls! Girls, don't you understand?" He sobbed, "But -- but -- I love YOU!" He grabbed me and pulled me on top of him and kissed me.
I resisted, but only for a moment. It was what I had been craving too. Not only did I kiss him, but I found my pelvis grinding into his.
"No! This is no good!" He cried. He pushed me up off and then opened the covers and pulled me back down. Only my thin jam bottom and his silk boxers were between our raging boners now. He kissed me again and I responded again. His hands went down to my butt and he pulled me in close and swirled his pelvic area all around, making our boners do a dance of their own.
Then he easily slid my jams down and his boxers as well, and the warmth and excitement of our members touching was more than either of us could stand. We were pushing out gobs of pre-cum! "Mikey -- I want you!"
"You mean -- you -- want -- to -- fuck - "
"No! Well, maybe -- but -- I've never sucked another guy -- on purpose. Only when I was forced to. I want to sick your dick!"
"Well, I'm sure I don't even compare with that guy -- William -- that you last sucked."
"I don't WANT anything that big. I don't care about your size -- because I love you!"
I didn't say anything -- because I was embarrassed, mostly. I still felt like I wanted to wait for Jay -- even though he told me not to.
"By your hesitation I guess you really don't want to do that. I don't blame you. I'd probably not be any good anyway. To each his own and ... obviously I'm not your type."
"Oh, please stop!" I said. "You know that's not true. I mean -- I'm not sure what type you think you are, but you are a very sexy guy and very hot and cute besides - "
" -- and a footballer -- and obviously not very irresistible -- to you."
"It's not that!" I exclaimed. Then it was I who broke down.
"Wha -- what's the matter Mikey?"
"Aw -- you have enough problems! You don't need to listen to mine!" I cried.
"No really ... tell me! You're the only good friend I have. I can listen to anything you want to tell me."
I was suddenly overwhelmed and could not talk for a moment. Then to lighten up the situation, I laughed.
"WHAT?!!" He exclaimed.
"This is almost too funny!" I said. "Here we are a couple of -- well -- what most would consider sports jocks -- and we're laying on a bed together, crying like a couple of pussies!"
"You're right!" He laughed. "It'd be funnier if it wasn't so pitiful! You're right -- we're just a couple of pussy-boys! And you know -- all along it was my pride that kept me from loving my brother more. I never actually thought about it, but I know I craved so much more with him. That feeling I got with you a moment ago -- I felt that way with him many times."
"You mean you wanted to -- suck him off?"
"Yeah! And even have him fuck me! He's such a sweet kid! So tell me -- why are you so sad?"
"You know why! I'm in LOVE with MY brother! And all he wants to do is leave me for two years!"
"Two years! Where is he going?"
"He thinks that serving a Mission for his church will somehow ... I dunno -- help him not be gay? I just don't know! It's -- it's - "
"Sorry, Mikey but what it is, is ... it's fucked!"
"Yeah, you're right. Sometimes there is no other expression that quite says it like you mean it!"
"Say it with me, then!" he said.
Together we hollered, "IT'S FUCKED!" and then we laughed.
Suddenly there was a clamor at his door. "What's wrong?" Said Randy.
"Are y'all drunk or something?" Asked Arlo.
"Naw -- we're only TOO sober. Maybe we SHOULD be drunk!" I said. "Sorry we woke you guys up."
"Well, what're y'all doing here in the middle of the night?"
"You're asking us what a couple of pussy boys are doing in one bed in the middle of the night?" Said Blair. "Well, I guess we better tell them., huh, Mikey? I think they call it ... group therapy. That's it -- we're having group therapy."
"I hope it's working." Said Randy. "But could you do it a little quieter?"
"Sorry, Bro." I repeated. G.night!"
We heard two doors close ... no ... slam. Then we started to giggle. Then it hit me: My brother was leaving me -- for two years! I got serious.
"Blair, I'm gonna ask you one more time -- and I'm not in the mood to take no for an answer!" I ordered.
"Wha -- what is it?" He said suddenly serious -- and concerned.
"I want you to get under these covers and suck my dick, Dammit!"
"Nuh-uh! You're joking now!"
"Does this FEEL like I'm joking?" I asked as I dragged his hand down to my raging boner.
"I'm not very good at it!"
"Then go slow and ... be gentle and ... don't bite!" He dove under the covers and nearly ripped off my jams. "SLOW!!" I reminded him.
That was his first voluntary blow job. When he was finished -- and he somehow knew to swallow -- didn't miss a drop -- he came back up and hugged me and kissed me, his breath very cummy and ... wonderful!
We fell asleep in each other's arms. Randy opened our door. "You guys better get up if you're gonna make it to class in time." He said gently.
I didn't want to get up, but I liked walking Randy to his first class. He was perfectly capable of getting there himself -- he did it all day, but it made me feel good and -- I know he liked it too.
On the way, "So -- did you and Blair work things out last night?" Asked my future brother-in-law.
"Um -- well -- actually we both felt good about -- about -- what we -- we -- talked -- about."
"I know you're having a hard time with Jay's decision. Me too."
"Huh?"
"Mikey, I wanted so much to go on a mission. I still could -- but it would be a specialized mission. I was thinking of it before I met Diane. Now all I can think about is her. And really, since I learned that I like -- to -- enjoy some things that most guys don't -- appreciate -- I kind of gave up the mission idea."
"You mean because you -- committed -- fornication I think you called it -- with me? That would keep you from your mission?"
"Well -- yeah."
"And -- what about Jay?"
"What he does is none of my business. I just wish -- in some ways -- he would stay and -- and -- be with you! You are so perfect together!"
"Well -- but -- Jay obviously has different ideas." I said, not able to keep the bitterness from my voice.
"I don't believe this bull crap about guys being cured from being gay." Said Randy.
"I don't know anything about it."
"I've seen a couple of my friends try it. They wanted it badly, too. And it seemed for a little while that it was working. But both of them -- went back -- to -- being with guys. Larry told me that they told him that he'd always have to be `vigilant' about it. If that's true, that tells me -- there is no cure at all. A guy just has to turn his back on what he feels." He said then, "I'll bet everyone who tries it -- falls back some time in their life."
"Do you really think so?" I asked, somewhat encouraged. "Maybe you can talk to Jay."
"If I did, and he changed his mind about his mission -- he may always wonder and regret that he didn't at least try it -- and maybe he'd hate me for talking him out of it."
"Yeah - you're probably right. Do you -- um -- do you think -- I should -- um -- wait?"
We had gotten to his classroom door. He stood for almost a minute, thinking. Then he said, "No. Two years is too long to ask someone to wait. Even the church tells guys not to ask their girlfriends to wait. It's not fair to the one who is waiting."
"What if the one waiting WANTS to wait?"
"Suit yourself. But I wouldn't if I were you. What if you did and he didn't?"
"Huh?"
He`s gonna be with the same guy 24 hours a day for up to 3 months at a time. What is he gets a companion -- like himself -- and they make a mistake? If you are waiting -- will you understand that kind of thing?"
"I think - "
"I think you would. But part of you might be resentful ... that you waited and -- he didn't. But then he didn't ASK you to wait ... did he?"
"He told me NOT to wait! That's what hurts."
"Hey, I gotta get into class. Looks like you have some decisions to make. Talk to you later. I love you, Mikey!" and he hugged me and went into his class.
I slowly walked in the direction of my class -- which wasn't for an hour. I passed by a bench and sat down. I was tired from lack of sleep last night, so I lay down on the bench and closed my eyes.
"Hi."
I opened my eyes and looked up at a pretty girl, maybe my sister's age, with bouncy blond curly hair and eyes as blue as the sky. "Hi." I said.
"Michael, isn't it?"
"Do I know you?" I asked, trying not to be rude.
"Well -- not exactly. You're in my anatomy class. I'm the T.A." I smiled at that. "I know -- teachers ass-wipe! Don't rub it in! I saw you walking that blind guy to class. Is that your -- um -- brother?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of? Either he is or he isn't."
"It's not that simple. He's going to marry my sister."
"Oh -- I see -- he'll be your brother-in-law! So - "
"He's also the brother of my twin."
"He -- um -- what? You lost me there."
"Jay and I were separated at birth. We were adopted by different parents. We just met by chance."
"You both go here?"
I was starting to get a little irritated, but still tried to be civil. " He's still in high school."
"Oh. Okay. I think I see. Sorry -- sorry I bothered you."
"Okay -- but -- why did you stop?" I asked, and immediately chided myself for it.
"Well -- you were so sweet to that blind guy -- and he to you -- I was -- just -- um - " When I didn't say anything she continued, "But I guess not. Sorry again that I bothered - "
"What were you -- wondering?" I asked.
"Well, it's really stupid -- the way people can make assumptions based on what they see and they don't understand at all."
I figured out what she was stammering about No one talks all around a subject -- without coming to it -- unless ... "and what didn't you understand?"
"I'm sorry, we better just get to class."
"We have plenty of time to get to class. What were you wondering?" I pressed her.
"Oh -- I just thought -- I mean you don't seem -- that is -- I wondered if you might be gay. But that's ridiculous now that I know the rest of the story."
I laughed. She started to walk away. I called after her. "You REALLY thought I was gay!?" I said
"I didn't say you were -- I mean -- it was just the circum - "
"What's your name?" I asked, smiling."
She hesitated and then said, "Julie."
"Well, sit down Julie." I said, patting next to me on the bench. She looked around and there were plenty of people nearby. She sat. I looked around too, and then leaned in close. "I AM gay!" I said, with a mischievous look.
"Yeah right! And I'm a teeny-bopper!" She said.
"But what if I was -- gay?"
"I wouldn't care. My little brother is gay. And he's really struggling with it right now. I hate when people make fun of him!"
"People make fun of him?"
"Well, no one knows really. But when I hear someone degrading or making jokes about gays -- it makes me mad."
"But sometimes those jokes really are funny!" I said. She gave me a dirty look. "Look, Julie -- I really am gay. Where is your brother? Is he still in high school or something?"
"Jacky -- no. He goes to Waubonsee Community College. We live in Aurora. The college is in Sugar Grove, close enough to ride his bike to. He's scared to death to tell anyone. I'm the only one who knows. He wants to transfer here after a couple semesters -- at least -- at Waubonsee. I wish he could come here now, but either he needed better grades or my parents needed more money. Problem is ... he knows too many people there!"
"Well, again, what did you want from me? Did you have a question -- or something?"
"I dunno -- just a wild hair really! Never mind."
"No, go ahead. All I can say is I don't know or I'd care not to say -- or maybe I would know that answer to your question -- and WOULD say. What did you want to know?"
"I -- oh, Jacky would kill me if he -- I mean -- would you come home to dinner with me?"
"When?"
"Tonight!" My parents like it when I bring friends home. And there's always room for one more. I'm one of six children. I'm the only girl!"
"SIX! Geez! Are you Catholic or something?"
"No -- we're Mormon or something."
"Oh!" I almost moaned. Not another one! I felt a little queasy.
"Why -- don't you like Mormons?"
"I -- no! I mean - I have no problems with Mormons. My twin is one."
"Really?" she gushed. "And that blind boy -- is he - "
"<sigh!> Yes and my sister may join your church!"
"And -- you don't approve." She said, more as a statement than a question.
"I'm gay."
"Oh. Yeah. That's another problem for Jacky. <sigh!>" She paused. "Can you come?" I couldn't help a smirk. "Okay -- I know -- since puberty -- right? I swear -- gay or straight ... guys are all the same! One track minds! No really -- can you come to dinner tonight?"
"Let me check with my - "
"Oh -- you probably have to clear it with your boyfriend, huh?"
"No." I said and pushed Blair's number. I knew he'd be disappointed. "Dude!" I said.
"Hi. What's up?" He asked.
"I'm going to dinner at a girl's house tonight."
"Yeah right. And I'm trying out for the ballet!"
"No, really. I AM. Will you meet Randy in C-3 at 4:30. He can walk home by himself, but it's just easier with a guide. He's in class now, but I'll call him and let him know."
"Yeah -- uh-huh -- alright. When will you be home?"
"You gonna worry about me, mommy?"
"Yeah -- screw you too!"
"I dunno when I'll be home. It can't be late."
"K. Bye."
"When and where do I meet you?" I asked Julie.
I was out in parking lot B by the tram stop at 4:35. She pulled up in her Toyota Yaris, with a wide grin. I got in. She drove us up of town to Aurora. (Up is a very relative word here. Everything is flat, but Chicago is on Lake Michigan, so everything's "up" from there). Her family lived in a quite nice home in Aurora. Large but not exactly rich looking.
When we got into the house, immediately a nice looking man who looked far too young to have a daughter as old as Julie, approached me. Hi! You must be Michael."
"Mike. My friends call me Mikey."
He shot a look at Julie as he extended his hand. I'm Jed -- Julie's older brother. C'mon in and meet the brood."
I found out that Julie and Jackie were the youngest. Jared was the oldest, then Jed, then Jimmy and Jock, and finally -- Jacky. I got a firm handshake form each of them, and it was not immediately obvious that Jacky was any different from his brothers. Except that he kept eyeing me. The others eyed me too, but his eying was -- different. The others all eyed me with a protective eye for their little sister. Jacky -- just eyed me!
Their dad and mom got home after all the rest of us. He looked scarcely older than Jared, his oldest, and she looked -- well old enough to be the mom. I guess it takes a lot out of a woman to have six kids.
Dinner was chaos, putting it lightly. It's not that they had bad manners, but with that many of them, all trying to catch the others up on their day ... it was interesting.
After dinner, Julie asked Jacky and me to come outside for a talk -- to get away from the din of the others.
As soon as we were outside, she said, "Let's walk down the street." We did. When we got to the end of the street we walked across to a small park. "Jacky -- Mikey is gay!" She said, as if she were telling us the moon was out -- which it was.
I felt completely outed. Then it dawned on me. So did her brother. We both stopped and gawked at her -- and then at each other.
"Sis! What the heck are you doing?" he looked back at me and rolled his eyes. "Did you think you'd bring me home a boy or something?"!!
"I just thought you needed someone -- someone like yourself -- to talk to!"
It was probably lucky that I too was taken by surprise. "Dude -- I'm sorry, my sister can be so - "
"It's okay, Jacky. I went through this a year ago -- when I told my sister -- and then my parents -- that I'm gay."
"How -- how -- did your parents take it?"
"Mostly worried. Disappointed too -- maybe."
"I'm sure mine would kick me out." Said Jacky
"Then don't tell them."
"But that's so ... unfair! These are the people who are supposed to love me more than anyone in the world."
"Yeah, I know."
"I don't know what to do. My church would excommunicate me if they found out!"
"They'd do that just because you're gay?"
"No they wouldn't - Jacky!" Said his sister. " You'd have to actually DO something with someone.. They'd probably try to cure you ... if that's even possible!"
"It's not!" He said bitterly.
"But if you had sex with another guy., they wouldn't excommunicate you ... any more than they would me if I told them I was having sex with a guy. Sex outside marriage - adultery -- could get you ex-ed -- if you were married in the temple. Maybe even if you weren't. It depends.
"So -- if marriage was legal -- then I could -- you know -- with a guy?" He said, almost hopefully.
"Sigh! I doubt it. The church probably wouldn't recognize it if it was made legal." Said Julie.
"I heard that Joseph Smith married homosexual men!" Said Jacky, almost as a challenge.
"I heard that too, but I haven't seen any proof of it." She said.
"So -- what's a guy like me supposed to do?"
"My twin is a Mormon." I said.
"And -- you're not? What'd YOU do?" Asked Jacky.
"We were separated at birth and raised by different families. His is Mormon."
"Wait a minute! What's his name?"
"Jay Samson."
"I don't know him. Does he go to the regional dances?" Asked Jacky.
"He's still in high school." Said Julie.
"Oh. Well -- then -- where did you guys meet? You haven't been hanging around the high school again have you Sis?" He joked.
"Mike goes to the university."
"We turned 19 in December. He started kindergarten a year later than I did." I said.
"Ooohhhh! I see! And -- oh! I just realized! You're the second person to know I'm -- um - gay -- well -- the third, counting me."
"I feel privileged!" I said grinning.
"We should probably celebrate!" he said, eyeing me up and down.
"What shall we do?" Asked Julie.
"I don't think what he had in mind included you." I said laughing. Jacky turned scarlet, telling us all that I was right. "But I'm not that kind of boy!" I said I said coyly batting my lashes. They both cracked up.
"What kind of boy are you?" Asked Julie.
"I'm sort of -- waiting -- for Jay -- my twin -- to come home from his mission."
"Why -- er -- oh! Omigosh! Your twin is gay too?" He asked.
"Afraid so. "He told me not to wait, but - "
"Wait! He's gay, but -- going on a mission?"
"I guess." I said.
"All my brothers have served missions." Said Jacky with an odd air of both pride and chagrin.
"I'm getting cold" Said Julie. "I'm gonna leave you to here to talk. Don't worry, I'll cover for you at home. I think both of you need to talk."
She got up from the bench we had settled on and left us alone.
Neither of us said anything for a few moments. Jacky shifted several times and cleared his throat.
"So -- um -- are you -- um -- embarrassed?" I asked.
"My sister loves me -- but sometimes - "
"Then I guess that's the most important thing to remember."
He clouded up. He looked like if he spoke he's cry. He didn't cry. "But -- my parents!"
"Obviously they love you too."
"I'm not so sure they would -- if I told them I'm -- choke -- sputter -- gay!"
"Hard to say, isn't it? I had the same experience. -- at first."
"How long have you been out?" He asked.
"I'm not exactly out. I am to my parents and to my close friends. But I don't see any reason to broadcast my sexuality."
"Oh. Me either -- I guess."
"You guess?"
"I haven't been quite honest -- I HAVE told others -- online. But just no one that I've met in person."
"And what do they tell you?"
"Some of them say to just do it. Tell everyone that I am gay and get it over with. Those that accept it are my friends and those that don't -- um -- well -- screw them!"
"And what do you think about that advice?"
"I dunno. Sometimes I get so frustrated and angry and others I feel like you just said -- it's none of their business. What are most gays like? Do most think like you and ... and I do?"
"Truthfully, I don't know that many." I answered. "I've been to San Francisco and - "
"You HAVE!!??"
"Yes. And the gay district is hard to find unless you know where you're going. And the place my sister took me to - "
"WHAT!? Your SISTER took you to San Francisco?"
"Yup. Right to the gay district. We had to hunt for it but we found it. There was only one night club where young people were and - "
"And you went to it?!" He said, mouth agape.
I smiled. "It's not like you might think. I met some guys there but -- most of the guys I saw were like I was -- shy and scared. I went there on my graduation night -- instead of going to the all-night-party at school.
"Wow! So -- what did you do with the guys you met there?"
"Nothing! Well -- nothing that night! I mean -- well, I did make out a little in this one guys car."
"All you did was make out -- you mean kissed?" He asked.
"That's all -- well -- we did -- um -- stroke each other a little."
"Omigosh!" he said, pushing down the front of his pants. "Your first date and you already touched his - "
"It wasn't a date. And it wasn't -- um -- you had to be there!"
"I wish I was! Mikey -- I want to kiss you!"
"Jacky -- you're a good kid, I`m not sure - "
"I'm older than you! I turned nineteen last June!"
"So you'll be twenty in a couple months!"
"Yes!" He said and then gave me a pathetic look. "I still want to kiss you -- even if you are younger!" he giggled.
"Don't you know any of the neighbors?"
"Yeah. We can go under those trees. It's too dark to see us under there."
He pulled me under the trees and stood, holding my hand, with his lips pursed. "You've never even kissed a girl, have you?"
"My dad promised me $1000 if I didn't kiss a girl before graduation!"
"That's kind of bizarre. Well, before you kiss someone, - you have to hug them." He eagerly turned and stepped into me and wrapped his arms around my neck, our bodies only touching at the shoulders. Again the pursed lips. I put my arms around his back and grabbed his butt and pulled him up close together with me. He gasped, his mouth again agape. "Perfect!" I said, and put my mouth on his, opened to equal his.
He moaned and lowered his hands to my back and squeezed hard as he thrust his groin up into me. Then he pulled back and whispered, "Omigosh!" then came in for more. I put my tongue in his mouth. He again moaned and stroked my tongue with his. I felt his hardness pulsing in the thin shorts he was wearing. Then he wrapped his arms as far around as possible around me and put his head on the top of my chest and sighed deeply. (He was several inches shorter than I).
"We better get back." I said.
"You -- you -- can't stay the night?" He almost whimpered.
"Yeah, that makes you kind of horny eh?" I teased. "Naw, dude. I have classes tomorrow -- and -- my room mate is expecting me."
"Your -- oh! You have a partner! Omigosh! I'm sor - "
"No! It's not like that. We live in a 4 room bungalow -- like a dorm. There are three others. But this one guy -- I'm helping out a little. He has some emotional problems. And -- my twin's other brother is in the house too, and he'll expect me home too. He's my real room mate."
"Oh." He said. "Well -- um -- can I see you again? I mean if you don't have a -- um -- partner or - "
"I don't. But -- maybe you can -- oh! I know what! Two of my roomies always go home on the weekends. You could maybe come down some weekend with me and Arlo."
"Arlo? Is he gay too?"
I didn't want to out Arlo and I wasn't sure anyway, so I said, "I don't think so."
We walked back toward his house. "Have you ever read those stories online -- gay love stories?"
"Where is that?"
"It's called Nifty Gay Stories."
"No -- have you?"
"Yes! It's all I HAVE read -- online. Some of them are pretty hot and ... pretty dirty. But the ones I like the most are the longer ones -- the love stories. Most are just one sex description after another, but the ones I like are like -- real love stories between guys -- young guys like us."
"That stuff is probably not real." I said.
"Oh it's not! It's just stories. They do have one section about first time meetings. They're true!"
"Probably a lot of them aren't true either." I said, ever the skeptic.
"Oh -- well -- I know. But they're still fun to read. Sure makes me horny!"
"Did you ever jack off while reading them?"
"NO!" He said, as if I had said something vile. "I mean -- um - no. Any time I can get online -- is either at school, at the library or at home and my brothers could walk in at any time."
"Do you get any time to do it at all?" I asked, wondering what it would be like to have 4 brothers.
"Um -- well -- sometimes. I have heard Jock doing it a few times. I did it once while he was -- we share a bedroom. We always have to share. When Jock was on his mission, I had to share with Jimmy. But he's a lot older and never did it that I know of."
"He did it!" I said.
"A lot of Mormon boys don't."
"I don't believe that. I heard once that 95% of all men admit to masturbating."
"well, then, that 5% are the - "
" -- and the other 5% lie about it!"
"Oh. well, anyway -- I didn't much when Jimmy was in my room."
"My twin and his brother are Mormons -- and they do each other!" I said."
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yup. But there's only the two of them -- and they've always shared a room."
"O-my-GOSH!" He exclaimed. "I couldn't do that with my brother!"
Here we go again. I let it be, Mikey!
"Listen, you call me when you think you'd like to come for the weekend."
He keyed in my number and we went into the house.
"Did you boys have a nice talk? Julie said you might be talking about the university." Said his mom as we came in. "There's strawberry short cake on the counter in the kitchen. Show your new friend in there, Jacky."
Julie dropped me off at 10:30. I came in to a quiet house. I peeked into the lighted study. Arlo was in there pouring over a book. Randy was in another corner, listening to a CD in his ear phones and his fingers were scanning a book. "Hi." I said.
Arlo had seen me come in, but I guess with the concentration and whatever was in his ear phones, Randy for once didn't hear me. "Oh Crap! You about scared it outa me!"
I went over and hugged my soon to be brother-in-law and since Arlo looked left out, I hugged him too. His sigh was his thanks.
"You got one o' those for the footballer?" said Blair, coming in behind me. He didn't wait of an answer, but wrapped his arms around me from the back, and squeezed me. "Did you have fun with your new girlfriend?" He said in a guttural tone into my ear. We all laughed at that!
I turned in his embrace and hugged him warmly -- but not too suggestively in front of the others. "I did have fun. She's a nice girl ... a nice Mormon girl! And she's old enough to be my ... well, at least my sister's age."
"You say that as if it's a bad thing!" said Randy.
"Not for you!" I said.
"I'll bet she doesn`t have a gay little brother!" He teased. In the bungalow he didn't wear his dark glasses and he still had a sparkle to his eyes.
"You'd lose THAT bet!" I laughed!
I think that last comment went over Blair's head, but both Randy and Arlo raised their eyebrows.
As Randy and I were getting ready for bed, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. "Hello?"
"Hi Mike." I recognized the subdued voice.
"Oh, hi Jacky." I said. Randy stopped what he was doing and sat on the bed.
"Um -- I didn't -- um -- wake you up, did I?"
"No, but it was close. Randy and I are about to get into bed."
"Randy? Is that your boyfriend?"
"I told you I don't have a boyfriend, Jacky. "What's up?"
"So -- he's not your boyfriend -- you only sleep with him?"
"Jacky -- that's correct -- and all we do is sleep! Remember -- I told you that Randy is going to be my brother-in-law."
"M-hm!" Said Randy quietly, making a jack off movement in the air with his hand. I giggled.
"What so funny?" Said Jacky.
Ignoring that, I said, "What's up, Jacky?"
"Oh -- nothing -- I guess."
"M-hmm!" I said. "And you called me to tell me nothings up? Is there something you wanted to tell me? Are you alone? Can you talk?"
"Yeah, okay, how about this coming Friday night?"
"Oke -- kaaaaay! you aren't alone! So let me figure this out. You want to come over here this weekend?"
"Uh-huh."
"Let me get back to you on that, okay? I'll call you tomorrow. Is this your cell phone?"
"N-no."
"Can I call and ask for you?"
He rattled off a number quickly and quietly. I repeated it back. "Yeah. That's it." He said quietly. I stored it in my phone.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Uh-huh."
"You don't sound okay. Is there some problem?"
"Uh-huh."
"Can you deal with it until tomorrow -- when I can call you back? I'm assuming that for some reason it'd be awkward for you to go outside to talk."
"Uh-huh."
"So -- you can wait til tomorrow?"
"Uh-huh."
"Okay -- well -- call me -- any time -- if you need to -- okay?'
"Kay. Bye"
I hung up the phone.
"Your friend having a tough time?" Asked Randy. "Oh -- sorry for eavesdropping. It was hard not to."
"It's okay. If it was private, I could have walked outside. Yeah -- his parents don't know he's gay."
"Yeah, you and Jay know about that one huh?"
"Yeah, but he's afraid they'll kick him out -- if he tells them."
"Shit!" At my very slight intake of air -- which of course Randy heard, he apologized. "Sorry. It's just that some Mormons are such buttheads! During the last conference, one of the twelve talked on homosexuality. He said that families should not ostracize a member if they attracted to his or her own sex. They should be treated with love and -- if not understanding -- forbearance. But some Mormons are just -- what can I say? Buttheads! What's their name?"
"I -- I didn't ever get the last name. His sister's name is Julie."
"Doesn't sound familiar."
"Um -- you mentioned `one of the twelve'?" I asked.
"Our Church has a president -- we believe he's a prophet -- and a council of twelve apostles."
"Wow! Just like Jesus!" I said.
"Yes -- just like Jesus. Um -- so is your friend coming over here Friday night?"
"He wants to. Is your family doing anything that they would need me for this weekend?" I asked.
"Not that I know. Jay could get his mission call any time now, but if so, we'll let you know."
"What -- um -- what happens if he does? Am I expected to do something -- or something?"
"It's just kind of a tradition for the family to all be there when he opens the letter -- so they can all find out together where he is called to. I know he'd want you there."
"Oh." I said, not understanding the importance. I wanted to be there for my brother, though.
I called Jacky the next morning at 8:45. It rang so many times, I thought it might go to message. Finally, "Hello?" he said, sounding out of breath.
"It's Mike -- Mikey!"
"Oh, Hi!!" He said. "I'm on my way to class. I had to stop riding to answer the phone."
"Oh yeah -- you ride your bike to school, don't you? Don't you have a blue tooth ear piece?"
"Yeah -- and that's fine for driving. But you have to hear everything when your riding!"
"Of course. Um - Well, do you want to come down here tomorrow night?"
"YESSS!"
"How are things at home?"
"They're fine. I just couldn't talk that much with my brother in the room and ... it would have been weird to go outside that late."
"That must suck." I said.
"Yeah -- and that's not all. They all -- well except Julie -- expect me to go on a mission. When I tell them I'm not -- that too will freak them out. Jimmy will be the least likely to freak."
"Well, anyway -- you need to get to class. Can you get here yourself tomorrow night?"
"I'll get there! Thanks!" He hung up. He sounded much happier this morning.
Notes: Is this a spider's web or a Rubik's Cube?" Either way, I hope I don't get trapped or confounded. But even a Rubik's Cube can be disassembled -- to "fix" it! Comments are welcome to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve