Title: Hide In Plain Sight 13/?
Author: Red (redfirewitch@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: JC is on loan to Earth from the planet Venus.
Dedication: To Jordan. You're a sweetheart! Thank you so much for all your help with the site!
Note: Visit http://www.slashygoodness.com the first ever JC/Justin site.
********************************* Previously on Hide In Plain Sight
A harried looking Chris rushed towards him. "You're back finally! Where have you been? You didn't even take you cell phone!" Chris shouted.
Maybe not. "Why? What happened? Is JC alright?" Justin asked, worriedly.
"God, I hope so." Chris said, running his hand through his hair nervously. "I don't when he...I was keeping an eye on him but he..."
"What!?" Justin exclaimed, his heart starting to pound in fear.
"JC's gone." Chris answered.. "I don't know where he went or when he left."
"G-gone? When? How?" Justin asked in disbelief.
"I don't know. I just went up to talk to him and he wasn't there." Chris said, gesturing frantically with his hands.
"Did he take his clothes and stuff?" Justin asked as he walked past Chris to head upstairs.
"I don't know!"
"What the fuck!? Chris, which word in 'keep an eye on him', didn't you understand?" Justin yelled as he ran up to JC's room.
"I WAS keeping an eye on him! I only stepped away to go to the bathroom!" Chris answered as he followed Justin.
The two guys ran into the room only to find it empty. JC's travel bag from their previous trip, was also missing.
"Fuck! What the hell is he thinking? Why does he keep doing this to me?!" Justin shouted, running his hand through his hair frustration. "When is security getting here?"
"Any minute." Chris answered.
"When they get here, ask them to look for JC. I'm going to look around the neighborhood." Justin said and started running back down.
Lynn came out of Steven's room, where she had been taking a nap and looked confused. "What's going on?"
"JC's missing." Chris replied.
"What!?" Lynn exclaimed.
"I'm going to look around. Chris, call Lance and Joey and ask them to..."
"Wait! Slow down, Justin. JC's missing? Then who is the guy playing basketball outside?" Lynn asked.
Justin and Chris came a sudden standstill and looked at Lynn.
"What?" Chris asked, blinking.
"I saw him from Steven's window. JC's out back." Lynn replied, crossing her arm in front of her and shaking her head.
Justin ran towards the back of the house while Chris rubbed his face in relief and started explaining what had happened to Lynn earlier.
Justin stopped short of coming into full view of the back of the garage. Edging towards the backyard, he listened carefully to the sound of a ball bouncing on the hard ground. His sighed in relief when he saw the source of the sound.
JC was repeatedly shooting the basketball through the hoops, an intense look of concentration on his face. He didn't even hear Justin come up to him. When the ball hit the board and bounced back, Justin caught it. JC turned to see Justin where the ball went and saw Justin standing there. "You're back. How's Matt?" JC asked, casually.
"You were here all along?" Justin asked, tonelessly.
JC nodded, frowning slightly. He could always read Justin and right now the younger man's blue eyes were flashing with anger.
"You didn't tell anyone where you were going and just disappeared." Justin stated, anger evident in his tone.
JC looked away. "I was only out here."
"Oh right. Because there's a force field surrounding this place to keep people out. Stupid me."
JC's jaws clenched in anger and glared at Justin. "I'm not a child, Justin. I don't have to ask for permission before I go anywhere."
"FUCK YOU, JC!" Justin yelled all of a sudden and threw the basketball at JC, hitting him squarely on his shoulder.
JC stepped back from the impact and glared at Justin. However his anger turned to guilt when he saw the younger man.
Justin stood there with one hand on his hips and the other hand covering his eyes. His body was shaking slightly and he was saying something which was muffled by the tears he was trying to hold back. "Why do you keep...I can't..."
He looked up and JC saw the anguish in the face that he loved so much, tears of anger glistening in the blue orbs. "I can't do this, JC. I can't handle this. I tried to be strong. I'm trying to protect you but you...I can't do this if you give up!"
JC took a step towards Justin but Justin moved back. "NO! Why are you doing this?!! Are you trying to punish me?! Is that what this is? Is this your sick twisted way of hurting me for being with Matt?! HUH!"
"What? No! I...I..."
"Because that's what it feels like, JC! Like you are blaming me for not being in love with you. For not being there for you! I'm trying my best, JC! What more do you want?"
JC opened his mouth as if to say something. Then shaking his head, he just tried to walk back to the house. Justin stepped in his way and pushed him back. "NO! You're not running, JC! I know you're fucking fantastic at that. But not this time! Answer me!"
"Why!? Why does this even concern you, Justin? Why do you care, Justin!? You don't love me! Is it pity? I don't need it!"
"So that's the only way I can love you? Why is it that I can only be in love with you or pity you? Can't I just love you like a friend?"
JC laughed harshly. "A friend? You love me like a friend. That makes it all better, Justin. Tell me. Do I rank higher than Joey? Lower than Trace? Maybe equal to Britney?
"Just listen to yourself! What the fuck more do you want from me?!"
"What MORE do I want?" JC laughed harshly. "I never got anything I wanted, Justin. And everything I had, someone would take it away! How the hell could I want more!?" JC shouted.
"And you think that's my fault?!" Justin asked, incredulously.
"No. It isn't. It's MY fault! Because I fucked up! Me! Again! I screwed up and I missed my chance. I should have told you I loved you when I had the chance. I should have told you that very day when you came out to me but I didn't. I have no one but myself to blame!" JC said, in defeat.
Justin didn't know what to say to that. What would he have said if that night when he came out to JC, JC had confessed his feelings? Would he have returned them? Justin knew the answer only too well but it wasn't something JC needed to hear right now. It would only give him reason to blame himself more.
"You're not to blame, Josh. You had to deal with too much shit. But what now? Are you trying to kill yourself, Josh? Is that what this is? You're putting yourself out in plain sight, so that bastard can come for you? You're just giving up like that just because of one setback?"
"It hurts, Justin. Every second hurts. I can't remember what it feels like to be happy anymore. I can't sleep without seeing Liam or Phillip in my dreams. I can't stay awake without needing you or feeling guilty about this shit I've dragged the group into. It's just too much!" The last few words were uttered in a painful whisper.
Justin stepped forward and cupped JC's face in both his hands. "I know it is, Josh. God, I wonder how you held up this long but you can't stop now! It will get better! It has to! What can I do, Josh? I want to help you. I hate seeing you like this. I need you to be happy. What can I do?"
JC closed his eyes against the tears and not being able to meet Justin's sincere, anguished gaze. At least not without seeing the love there which he knew he must be imagining. "I wish I knew, Justin."
Justin didn't know why he did it. He didn't how he even closed the gap between them. One second he was looking at JC's beautiful face and the next, he was kissing JC. Only two thoughts reverberated in his mind as he tasted JC's sweet mouth. That this was a bad idea and that this felt good.
JC's eyes opened in shock. For a moment he returned the kiss. For a few seconds, he let himself enjoy a taste of heaven. It felt good. And that feeling was what made him realize that this wasn't real. In the real world, all he knew was pain. This wasn't real. Justin wasn't kissing him because of love. Justin didn't love him. This was...pity.
JC pulled away, pushing Justin away at the same time. They stared at each other, breathing heavily.
"Josh, I..."
"Don't Justin." JC said, his voice husky and heavy with emotion. "I understand why you did that. But don't ever do that again. I don't want your pity."
"Josh, I didn't..."
"It's ok. I'm not going to give up, Justin. I'm not going to try to get myself killed. I wouldn't do that to the group. I'm going get myself and the group out of this mess somehow. Don't worry about it."
With that, JC turned and walked back into the house.
Justin just stood there watching him go. "FUCK!" Justin yelled and punched the wall of the garage.
**
Lynn Harliss watched from the Steven's room and winced as she saw Justin slam his fist into the wall. Tears ran down her face.
"My baby," she whispered.
** tbc...