CAN THIS BE REAL? CAN THIS BE TRUE? CAN RED HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER OF HIPS OUT SO SOON? ;p (Yah, Wen! I know that's what you're thinking! lol!)
Title: Hide In Plain Sight 14/?
Author: Red (redfirewitch@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: JC is on loan to Earth from the planet Venus.
Dedication: To Jordan, Jrok, Matthew, Dara, Angel (where are you?!!) and Regina! ::standing ovation::
********************************* Previously on Hide In Plain Sight
Justin didn't know why he did it. One second he was looking at JC's beautiful face and the next, he was kissing JC.
JC's eyes opened in shock. For a moment he returned the kiss. It felt good. And that feeling was what made him realize that this wasn't real. Justin wasn't kissing him because of love. Justin didn't love him. This was...pity.
JC pulled away, pushing Justin away at the same time. They stared at each other, breathing heavily.
"Josh, I..."
"Don't Justin." JC said, his voice husky and heavy with emotion. "I understand why you did that. But don't ever do that again. I don't want your pity."
"Josh, I didn't..."
"It's ok. I'm not going to give up, Justin."
With that, JC turned and walked back into the house.
Justin just stood there watching him go. "FUCK!" Justin yelled and punched the wall of the garage.
**
Lynn Harliss watched from the Steven's room and winced as she saw Justin slam his fist into the wall. Tears ran down her face.
"My baby," she whispered.
**
Chapter 14: Mothers Know Best
Dinner was a quiet affair. JC and Justin hadn't looked up once since sitting down at the table. Lynn was quiet too but she stared at Justin, trying to read what was going on in her son's mind. Steven was the only source of noise at the table as the little boy moved the salt shaker about, concocting an argument with the ketchup bottle.
Chris had earlier left for Dani's house. With two body guards. Johnny had insisted that everyone have at least two bodyguards with them at all times until this mess was sorted out. Chris agreed but cheekily added that Dani wasn't into exhibitionism.
Justin played around with his food, with the fork he held in his bandaged hand. The painkillers helped the throbbing pain in his hand, caused by the wall, and the pain in his head, caused by all the stress, but his heart was another matter. He looked up and glanced at JC. The brunet was also playing around with his food listlessly.
After Justin had came into the house, he found that JC had locked himself in his room. He had even refused to have dinner but Lynn had insisted that he join them at the table. When he came down, he didn't even look at Justin. Deciding to give JC some time to himself and also needing some time to figure things out himself, Justin had put up with the silent truce.
The silence however didn't extend to his own mind. He kept wondering why he had kissed JC. Was it really pity? Was he in some twisted way, trying to make it up to JC? He didn't think so. He knew that he was feeling something stronger than pity for JC but he just wasn't prepared to face up to it yet.
"...for them too, Justin."
Justin heard his name and looked up startled. He saw that his mother was looking at him. So was JC but the moment their eyes met, he looked away. "Uh what?"
Lynn sighed. "Have you been listening a word I have been saying?"
"Sorry, mom. I just have a lot on my mind. I zoned out. Could you repeat that?"
"I was just asking if I should make something for the guys outside."
"The security guys? No, they are fine. They take shifts anyway."
"Did Johnny say what he's going to do about this? I mean, if we can't call the cops then there must be something we can do about the letter and phone calls."
"Johnny's hiring this guy, Elli Fields. He's apparently a private detective of sorts. He's usually hired by celebrities so he's pretty good at keeping things secret and safe. He's coming round tomorrow to talk to JC." Justin looked at JC and added, "That ok with you, Josh?"
JC nodded. Without looking up.
"Johnny wanted to know if you still have that letter you got at the hotel with you?" Justin asked.
JC looked up this time. "Why?"
"That Fields guy wants to see it."
"What for?"
"I don't know. Maybe he wants to run finger prints check on it or something.
"Why? I know it is Phillip. Why would he need to run a test to confirm that?"
Justin frowned. "I don't know, Josh. You have to ask Fields about that. Do you have it?"
JC hesitated then nodded. Justin wondered why JC was so reluctant to admit having the letter. Why was he so defensive about it? Suddenly, he was reminded of what Matt said.
/This letter. How do you know that JC didn't write it himself?/
/The only evidence that all this happened is JC's word. How do we know that he didn't write that letter himself?/
/To create this crisis. To get you to fuss over him the way you're doing!/
No! That isn't true! He was just letting Matt's ridiculous accusation affect him. This was JC! He knew JC! JC wouldn't do anything as...as...insane as to concoct someone like Phillip up! No. Besides, his mom answered that call JC got. So how could he have made up that call? No, this was real. Matt was wrong. JC was just nervous about the threats in the letter. That was all there was to it.
They concluded dinner in silence. Steven climbed off the chair and ran to Justin's side. "Justin, want to watch Pokemon with me?"
Justin smiled at his brother. "Nah, you go ahead, short stuff. I'm kind of tired."
Steven didn't waste another second. "Ok." The little boy ran over to JC next. "JC, want to watch Pokemon with me?"
JC laughed softly, surprising Justin. This was JC's first real laugh in a long while but then again Steven always had that effect on everybody.
"Steven honey, leave JC alone." Lynn said, looking at her youngest son with a slight smile.
"No that's ok, Lynn." JC said. "Come on, buddy."
JC moved to take his and Steven's plate but Lynn waved him away. "That's ok. You two go ahead."
Justin and Lynn watched as Steven took JC's hand and dragged him to the den.
"Justin, can I talk to you?" Lynn asked suddenly.
Justin looked at his mom with a half smile. "Sure mom."
"Help me clear the table first."
They worked together silently and loaded the dishwasher. Lynn then poured herself a cup of coffee and took a seat. Justin hopped onto the counter top.
"What's up mom? This looks serious. Is it about Josh's problem?"
"No." Lynn said. She took her son's hands in hers and smiled. "You've grown up so much so fast, sweetie. I still see you as this curly haired little boy who's always running around, trying make people laugh. You could always make anyone smile no matter what they are feeling inside. Steven's just like you too."
Justin smiled. "Steven's much better than me, mom. He's an angel."
"So are you. You're my angel too. Which is why I don't want you to ever have to hide anything from me. "
Justin tensed momentarily. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that no matter what, I'll always love you. A mother's love is unconditional. No matter what you do or say...no matter who you love, I'll always be on your side."
Justin suddenly knew what his mother was trying to say. "What are you...you know? You know that I'm..." He couldn't go on.
Lynn squeezed his hand reassuringly before standing up. "Remember that I told you that I saw JC from Steven's window? I saw you too."
Justin closed his eyes tightly. How could he have forgotten? How could he have been so stupid? Justin opened his eyes and looked at his mother again. He tried to gauge her reaction and her words. "I...don't know...what to..."
"How long have you known?" Lynn asked softly.
"A little less than a year." Justin replied in a daze.
"Are you and JC dating?"
"No."
Was that disappointment or relief on his mother's face?
"Are you dating that...man who came here earlier?"
Women were smart. Mothers were smarter.
"Yes, I'm dating Matt."
Lynn nodded and took a sip of her coffee. Justin saw her hand tremble slightly.
"Mom?"
"Yes, Justin."
For the first time since telling JC, Justin was saying the words out loud. To his mother. The one other person whose opinion he valued and whose love he couldn't bear to lose.
He slid off the counter and stood up. "Mom, I'm gay."
Lynn smiled despite the tears in her eyes. "I still love you, sweetie."
Justin smiled and hugged his mother tightly, thankful for her acceptance. If she had turned against him, given his current state of mind, he would have had a breakdown. "Thank you."
Lynn placed her hand against her son's cheek as she pulled away. "When I saw you kiss JC, I cried. Not because you were gay and I hated you for it. It was because you were never going to have it easy. Your life is so hard as it is and now you weren't going to have even that little bit of normalcy and that broke my heart. "
"If I lied to myself just to find normalcy, mom, I wouldn't be happy."
"I know. I know." Lynn said. After a moment of silence, she spoke again. "Are you happy with...Matt?"
Justin sighed. He didn't meet his mother's eyes as he answered. "Yeah. He's good to me."
"Do you love him?"
Justin nodded. Lynn didn't buy it.
"Then why did you kiss JC?"
Justin didn't know what to say.
"Justin, I want you to be able to talk to me. It breaks my heart just to think that I would never have known about this if I hadn't seen you and JC. You weren't going to tell me, were you?"
Justin felt guilty. There and then Justin decided to tell him mother everything. It was the least he could do after the love and support she had given him. And he knew it would make him feel a hundred times better. "I'm sorry mom. I just...was just scared. I know I should have told you after JC told you but...I'm sorry."
"That's ok, sweetie. But from now on, please don't hide anything from me. I want you to be happy, that's all."
"I am, mom."
"Are you?"
"I...I'm just so confused." Justin said and ran his hand through hair in frustration.
Lynn patted the chair and sat down on another. Justin sat down. "I take it that JC knows that you are gay. I even think that he knows about Matt. Am I right?" Lynn asked.
Justin nodded. "He's the only one who knows. He was the first person to whom I came out to. I met Matt a week later. The other guys don't know I'm gay."
"You told JC first. Did you know he was gay then?"
"No. He didn't tell me! He just kept it all to himself and now he's..." Justin closed his eyes, trying to control his emotion.
Lynn had a suspicion of what was going on. "Justin? Is JC in love with you?"
Justin wasn't even surprised anymore by the things his mother knew. "Yes."
Lynn sighed. "I see. Are you in love with him?"
"I'm with Matt."
"That's not what I asked."
"I don't know, mom. I really don't know. I mean this is Josh. My best friend. I've known him almost half my life. There's no one who understands me the way he does. When he told me that he loved me, I didn't know what to say or feel. I knew that I was hurting him by being with Matt and I hated that! I hated being the one to hurt Josh! And with all that he's going through, I badly wanted to make him happy. And then I screwed up, mom. I kissed him. He thinks I did it out of pity."
"Did you?"
"I don't know. All I know was that he was in pain and I felt it too. No matter what I do, I hurt Josh. I don't know what to do anymore!"
"It's not your fault, Justin. That poor boy's isn't in a state of mind where he can think straight."
"Neither am I. I don't know what I feel for him. How can I expect him to know?" Justin said. "And there's Matt. I'm happy with him. He's good to me. Isn't that all that matters?" Justin asked.
Lynn sighed. "Don't confuse obligation with love. If you do, you'll end up hurting Matt and yourself. Don't confuse friendship with love either. If you do... "
"I'll end up hurting JC."
"And yourself, sweetie. What I'm trying to say is, please be sure because I don't want you to end up getting hurt."
"But how can I be sure mom? How do you know if you're in love?"
Lynn smiled. "It's not like they say, is it? It's not as simple as just knowing. The lucky ones know immediately but not everyone is that fortunate. Sometimes it's harder. I remember that my grandma used to say that love is like a phoenix. It's beauty and strength is hidden. Only when it burns, experiences pain, passes the test of fire, can it be reborn into the beautiful bird that it is. Sometimes, you don't see the true love until it passes the test of fire." She paused then added, "It's a beautiful but depressing idea, isn't it?"
Justin smiled. "Yeah. But I think I get it."
"Give it time, Justin. This isn't the time to figure out something as complex as love. Once everything becomes normal, sit down, take the time to figure out your own mind. Be sure and then follow your heart."
Lynn let Justin think about what she had just said as she watched her cup and dried it, placing it in the rack. She then kissed Justin on the forehead. "Goodnight."
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"What is on your mind?"
"On my mind?"
"Yes."
"I don't want to influence you, Justin."
"Please?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"I think you're not in love with Matt. The way you speak of him, it's just sounds like you're with him because you feel you have to. That's not love, Justin."
Justin nodded.
"As for JC, I don't know, sweetie. I really don't know. There isn't any boy I would like you to be with more than Joshua. He takes care of you and loves you. It was hard for me to let you go on tour alone. You were my baby boy. But I knew that with him around, you won't need me."
Lynn paused and then continued. "At the same time, this whole mess with that evil man, Phillip, makes me afraid to think of what might happen to you if you become too close to Joshua."
"I already am close to him, mom. Phillip is already threatening us all."
"That's not what I mean. When you love something, you love with all your heart and soul. If you do fall in love with Joshua, and if anything happens to him, I'm afraid of how you will react. I'm afraid of what you will do."
Justin shivered slightly. Lynn put her arms around him and hugged him again. "Goodnight, sweetie."
Justin held on to his mother a little longer than usual. "Goodnight."
Lynn smiled and pulled away. Just before she left the kitchen, Justin called her again.
"Mom?"
"Hmm?"
"I'll always need you."
Lynn saw her little boy sitting on the counter, smiling at her. She offered a silent prayer of thanks and headed for her bedroom.
** tbc...
===== ***************************************************** WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY! REASON #172628373: BECAUSE ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE GAY! *****************************************************