Title: Hide In Plain Sight Author: Red (redfirewitch@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: Just fiction folks. No ounce of truth as far as I know.
Thanks David. ~~
Part 8: Confessions
He didn't know how long he had been sitting on the floor, holding JC as the older man cried. The heart wrenching sobs had stopped a while ago but JC remained motionless. Justin continued to stroke his hair as if comforting a child. He knew there was more to be said but he didn't want to rush JC so he just waited for him to speak.
Just then there was a knock. JC flinched as if in fear but managed to sit up. Justin looked at him, wanting to make sure he was ok. JC just nodded. Justin stood up and went to the door, opening it only slightly so that whoever was at the door did not see the mess that the room was in. Unless of course it was the maid in which case it was too late already.
Justin peeped out and saw Lance and Joey standing there.
"Hey, Curly." Joey greeted, softly. He didn't look good as he was obviously suffering from a hangover but he still managed to smile the Joey smile.
"Is JC awake?" Lance asked, just as softly. He looked paler than usual.
Justin looked turned to see JC still sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up and his arms clutched tightly around them. His chin rested atop his knees and he was staring into space. "Uh, look guys. I don't think we will be joining you for breakfast."
"What's up? Joey asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he noticed the tear streaks on Justin's face. "Justin, are you ok?"
Justin didn't want to tell them yet but he didn't think he could keep it from them for long. "I'm ok. It's JC. He--he--it's bad but I think he'll be fine now."
"What's going on, Justin? What's wrong with JC?" Joey asked, trying to look past the small opening into the room.
"Joey, I can't tell you now or maybe ever. I think it would be best to let him tell you when he's ready." Justin replied.
"Justin, you're scaring me. Is JC in trouble? Does this have anything to do with the way he has been withdrawn the past couple of days?" Lance asked with usual perceptiveness.
"No and yes. Yes, this has to with the way he has been the past two days but no he's not in trouble. I'm not going let him be troubled anymore." Justin said, with determination. He was going to do all he could to protect JC but he had to know everything first.
Lance and Joey wanted to see JC but they trusted Justin to take care of JC until he was ready to tell them. "Ok, Just. Do what you have to. We'll stall Julian and give you a few hours but we have to leave at 1pm for out flight back to Orlando. Can you have him ready by then?"
Justin nodded and took a deep breath. "Thanks guys."
Joey and Lance smiled but the worry never left their eyes. "Take care of him, man." Joey said as Justin closed the door.
Justin turned around, expecting to see JC on the floor but he wasn't there. "JC?" Justin called out, nervously.
He heard the water running in the bathroom and just waited. After a while, JC walked out, his face clear of the tears but his eyes still red. He then tiredly set on the bed and leaned against the headboard. He looked at Justin. "Do you want to hear the rest of it?"
Justin nodded and sat down beside JC and leaned against the headboard too.
"The police investigated the whole thing. No one knew I was there too because no one knew about Liam and me. He didn't have any family and we didn't have any friends who knew about us as a couple. I was questioned but only as a matter of procedure because I was 'a friend from school'. I was in a state of shock the whole time. I couldn't deal yet with the fact that Liam was dead or that I had killed a man. I just moved around in a daze. Mum and Dad knew something was wrong and tried to talk to me but I fended them off. I took it upon myself to arrange Liam's funeral because he had no family. Everyone thought I was being a good friend or a decent guy or something like that. But I was actually arranging a funeral for the guy I loved."
Justin put his arms around JC to comfort him.
"It was during the funeral, two days after Liam died, that I found out that Phillip had not been dead when I left."
"What!" Justin exclaimed.
" The cops who were investigating turned up at the funeral and told me that they had had a lead to find out what happened. I thought they had found out about my being there too. Instead they said that Phillip had been alive when they arrived at the scene. When they told me that, I was shocked. He had still been alive and had been brought to the hospital too emergency surgery. I didn't know that. I was there but I didn't see him so I thought he had died when I shot him. But he hadn't. Not then. The cops said they had kept that under wraps because they knew of his police record and links to a drug syndicate and wanted to question him. I asked them why they were telling me this now and they said it was because Phillip had died in the hospital before they could question him. That's why they could tell me."
"And now he is back?"
"I don't know. I thought I saw him at the concert the other night. Then I kept hoping that it was just someone who looked like him. But this morning..."
"What Josh?"
"He called."
Justin looked at JC in shock. "He called here?" Justin asked, then looked at the broken phone on the floor.
JC continued numbly as if his mind was somewhere else. "He called me Joshy boy. That's what he called me six years ago."
"What did he want, JC?"
Silence.
Justin took JC's chin in his hand and turned his face to meet his eyes. "What did he want, JC?"
"I don't know." JC whispered as tears fell from his eyes. "But he's going to come after me."
"Is that why you got the gun?"
"I hate him, Justin. I've been living a nightmare all this while because of what he did to Liam and also because I thought I killed someone. I never thought myself capable of taking a life. But this time he's threatening you guys and I can't take any chances with your lives. I will kill that bastard if he hurts any one of you."
Justin inhaled sharply and shook his head. "How did you manage to keep all this to yourself for so long, Josh? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I wanted to forget it all. I wanted it to stay in the past."
"What are we going to do now, JC?"
"Nothing."
"What!"
"WE aren't going to do anything, Justin. This is my problem. I'll handle it."
Justin pointed to the gun. "I've seen your way of handling it, JC! To describe it as a stupid move doesn't do justice to it!"
JC looked at the gun. "I don't know why I got it. I don't if I can kill him. But I want to, Justin. I so desperately want to."
Justin cupped JC's cheeks and made him look at him. "Josh, you can't just drop this bombshell on me and expect me not to do anything! We have to tell management or at least the guys. They need to know!"
"God! I don't want any of you hurt but I can't tell this to anyone! I just can't!"
"You told me."
"I had to. I can't keep anything from you, Curly." JC said, with a slight smile.
"No you can't. I'm glad you told me, Josh. You shouldn't have to bear this alone. I'm your friend. I love you."
"But not as much as you love Matt right?" JC said softly but Justin heard him.
Justin frowned. "What is that supposed to mean!?"
JC realized what he had said and looked away. "Never mind. Just drop it, Justin. I don't want to talk about this."
"No! I want to know what that was supposed to mean!" Justin demanded. He wondered if JC blamed him for not being there for him and spending too much time with Matt. But how could that be? He had always been with JC more than with Matt. How could JC blame him?
"It means nothing, Justin." JC said. He really didn't want to deal with this now. He hadn't meant to say what he said. It had just come out. He didn't think he could hold it together if he had to tell Justin of his other secret.
"Bullshit! I've had just about enough of this crap from Matt. I'm not going to take it form you too! Just spit it out, JC!" Justin said as he grabbed JC's arm.
Something broke in JC. What remnant of fragile control he had was gone under the stress of the morning.
"Fine! You want to know? I'll tell you! Since this is the day for confession of my sins, why not add another one! You want to know what that meant? It means that I love you Justin! It means that I've loved you for years! It means that I've been a pathetic lovesick fool whose been helping you and Matt while cursing the fact that I'm not him. Is that enough or do you also want to know about my fantasies about you?" JC shouted in anger.
The moment the last word left his mouth, JC knew that he had crossed a forbidden boundary. He saw the shock on Justin's face and felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't bear to face Justin any longer. Pulling away from Justin's grasp on his arm, JC blindly ran for the door. He heard Justin call his name before he closed the door behind him and ran for the elevator. Frantically he pressed the button, needing to get away. He didn't want to face Justin. Hearing his room door open, JC ran for the stairs. He didn't stop running until he was out in the streets and away from the hotel. It was by sheer luck that no one recognized him but he knew it wouldn't last long. Reaching for the shades that were in his pocket, he slipped them on and walked on, not knowing where he was going. All he knew was that he had to get away from Justin and the words he had said.
Part 9: Aftershocks
Chris' room was silent but the tension was thick. Every once in a while, there was a flash of lighting in the window and the sound of thunder followed. Joey, Lance and Chris sat on the sofa, watching Justin as he paced up and down the room. He had been doing that, on and off, for the past 7 hours ever since JC had run out of the hotel. Even though Justin had chased after JC, he had lost sight of him out in the streets. The teenager had been frantic as he banged on his band-mates' doors. He didn't tell them exactly what had happened. Only that they needed to find JC because he could be in danger.
Their bodyguards had left to look for JC immediately and had yet to be back while the guys waited at the hotel in case JC returned there. They had missed their flight back home and their management had been informed. Johnny had yelled at them, telling them that they had better have some explanations ready for him once JC was found. All in all, it was a huge mess and the only person who knew exactly what was going on was Justin. However until they found JC, he wasn't going to say much.
Lance watched as Justin completed what seemed like his millionth round of the room. "Justin, why don't you sit down?"
Justin barely heard his friend. All he could do was replay what JC had told him in his head.
'It means that I love you Justin! It means that I've loved you for years! It means that I've been a pathetic lovesick fool who's been helping you and Matt while cursing the fact that I'm not him.'<
'Fuck! Where the hell is he? Is he ok? How did this happen? Why didn't I know? Why didn't I see this? What am I going to say to him when he comes back? If he comes back? Damn you, JC! Where the hell are you? If that bastard, Phillip hurts you, I'm going to kill him!'
"Curly, he will be fine. I don't know what happened but JC can handle himself." Joey put in.
Justin turned around, shaking his head and stared at Joey. "No he can't! He can't handle this, Joey! Not when there's some fucked up asshole out there plotting to kill him!" Justin yelled, gesturing towards the door.
Chris stood up and placed his hands on Justin's arm, holding him in place. "You keep saying that Justin. But who exactly wants to kill JC and why?"
Justin met Chris' eyes and then his other band-mates' equally concerned gazes. Then running his hands through his hair, he sighed and came to a decision. He reached into his pocket for the note that he had found in JC's room and handed it to Chris.
"I found this in JC's room. Someone sent it to him." Justin said, darkly.
Chris glanced at him and then looked at the note. Joey and Lance came to his side so that they could read it too. Justin watched as shock and confusion came over all three of their expressions.
"I don't understand? Why did this psycho target JC? And is this legit? Maybe it's just a prankster."
"It's not! Don't you think I was hoping for that too? But after the way JC has been acting lately, I knew this was serious. So I confronted him about it."
"You mean, he wasn't going to tell us?!" Joey asked, frowning.
"He wasn't even going to tell me!" Justin yelled throwing his arm up in frustration.
"Why? Why would he hide this? Even if this threat was against him, why would he want to hide it? We could have helped him! Management would have given him more security!" Lance reasoned.
Justin knew that he had to tell them about JC's past but he didn't want to. He still felt that it wasn't his place to reveal JC's darkest secrets. "I can't tell you what he told me. He has to tell you himself. All I can say is that this isn't just a random threat and it is more serious than you think! And that's why this whole mess sucks!" Justin yelled the last sentence and threw the vase that was on the table against the wall.
The loud shattering of the glass vase seemed to reverberate throughout the room, shocking the other three guys.
"Justin. Calm down. The last thing we need now is for you to lose it. Sit down." Lance said.
Justin just stared back at him resistively.
"I said, sit down, Justin." Lance said, this time more firmly. The authority in Lance voice was seldom practiced but those few times were always effective.
Justin sat down and buried his face in the palm of his hands. He kept picturing JC helpless against Phillip. He didn't know what he would do if JC was hurt or dead. He shuddered at that last thought. There were so many things left unsaid between them. Things that he didn't even know had to be said.
"I couldn't bear it if something happens to JC." Justin said aloud.
Joey sat beside him and put his arm around his shoulders. "He'll be ok, Curly. Nothing's going to happen to him."
No sooner as the words left Joey's mouth, there was a knock on the room door. Everyone's gaze fell on the door. Justin immediately sprang out of the chair as Chris went to open the door. The angle of the door didn't let Justin see who it was but he heard Lonnie's and Chris' voice.
"...rain. And he tried to run but we caught him. Then he just gave up and came along willingly. He's been quiet the whole time." Lonnie said.
"Damn you, JC! What the hell is wrong with you!?" Chris demanded as he pulled JC into the room.
Justin visibly relaxed once he saw the drenched and slouching figure of JC step into the room. He felt all feelings leave his legs as he sank into the chair. He continued watching passively as Lance hugged JC in relief and stepped aside for Joey to do the same. He watched as JC shivered uncontrollably thanks to his soaking clothes. He watched as Chris grabbed the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around JC and guided him to sit on the sofa. And it didn't miss his notice that not once did JC look at him from the moment he had entered the room. Justin felt himself growing angrier by the second as he watched the unresponsive brunet.
Chris said something to Lonnie and Wes, who were waiting outside the room and closed the door. He then came to squat down in front of JC while Joey and Lance sat at his side. Lance looked at Justin, who had not moved from where he was sitting and who was staring intently at JC. He sensed that Justin was going to let rip into JC any moment. However all JC did was to keep staring down at the carpet.
"I'm still waiting for an answer, JC! I want to know about all this weird shit that Justin has told us! And I want to hear it from you!" Chris demanded.
There was no answer coming forth from JC.
"Can you leave us alone for a while?"
Lance, Chris and Joey turned to look at Justin whose eyes were fixed on JC. At the same time they felt JC tense up. Justin met Chris' questioning look. "I'll make sure he tells you everything but I need to talk to him alone first."
The three guys nodded and headed for the door. "We'll be in my room." Joey said and closed the door behind him.
Justin watched JC for a while, then abruptly stood up, causing JC to start. He then came to stand in front of JC. JC's eyes were still stubbornly fixed on the floor.
"Look at me, Josh."
JC didn't comply but began to speak. "Justin, can we please just forget..."
Justin grabbed JC's arm and squatted down, forcing JC to meet his eyes. "I don't want to hear anything from you now, JC! I think you've said enough! It's my turn now! Right now, you're going to listen to me!"
JC saw the anger in Justin's eyes and just mutely nodded.
"Good! I can't believe the shit you've put me through! Damn you, JC! Did you even think about how worried we would all have been? What if that bastard, Phillips, had come after you when you were out there? Did you for one second think how I would have felt knowing what I do, and knowing that you're out there alone!?" Justin hissed angrily.
JC flinched but didn't look away from Justin flashing blue eyes.
"And you didn't even give me a chance to respond to what you said! You just ran out of here! I've been going crazy for the past 7 hours, ready to blame myself if anything happened to you!"
"Justin I didn't..."
"You didn't what! You didn't mean to tell me? You didn't mean to grow a set of balls and finally tell me how you felt about me?" Justin yelled.
JC fell silent again. His eyes began to fill up with tears but he furiously tried to blink them away. He had been crying his heart out for the past few hours, thinking about Liam, Justin and the mess that was his life. Having finally run out of tears and in a emotional numbness, he had been wandering aimlessly in the rain. That was when the car had pulled up and he had reacted instinctively and started running. For a split second he had thought that Phillip was chasing him but once Lonnie and Wes caught him and started calling his name, he realized that he wasn't in danger and went with them quietly. And the last thing he wanted now was to start crying again. What was the point?
Justin noticed that JC had gone quiet and it finally sank into him that he had been yelling at JC in his relief over the fact that his best friend was safe. Relief that manifested itself in the form of anger. Inwardly cursing himself, Justin wrapped his arms around JC and pulled him into a tight hug. He felt JC tense up but he didn't let go until the latter relaxed. The wetness of JC's clothes were beginning to soak him too but Justin didn't want to let go.
"I'm sorry, Josh. I'm so sorry. I'm just so confused right now. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you." Justin said as he tightened his arms around JC.
JC closed his eyes tightly and let him enjoy the feeling of being enveloped in Justin's arm for a few minutes. Then he pulled away. "I'm sorry, Justin. For everything. I had no right to tell you that I love you."
"Josh..."
"No. You're with Matt now and I shouldn't confuse you with my feelings. Not when I'm confused about them too."
Justin stood up and sat on the sofa beside JC. They shared a needed silence for while before Justin broke it. "How long, Josh?"
JC knew what Justin was referring to. He hesitated before replying. "The past three years."
Justin stared at JC's profile in shock. "Three years? Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I didn't know you were gay then. And I kept telling myself that I was being unfaithful to Liam. He died because of me. What right did I have to find someone else and be happy when he can't."
"Josh, it wasn't your fault! You can't hold back on your happiness in memory of a dead man. What's the difference between him and you then?"
"Sometimes it feels like there isn't a difference. I feel like I've been dead this whole time and the only time I'm alive is when I'm performing on stage or when you..." JC stopped short of finishing the sentence.
"Stop hiding, Josh. Tell me." Justin said, softly.
"Why?"
"I want to know." Justin replied.
"Why? Is there any chance that you love me, Justin?" JC asked, looking intently at Justin.
The teenager frowned and looked confused. "You can't ask me that, Josh. Please don't."
"Then please don't ask me to talk about this anymore. I've long accepted that you don't love me. Not the way I want you to. I didn't mean to tell you today. It just slipped out. And all I want to do now is forget it ever happened." JC said.
"Can you do that?" Justin asked.
"I have to. You love Matt, not me." JC said and stood up.
Justin didn't know how to respond to that. All he knew was that he was so confused. He didn't want to be the cause of JC's unhappiness but he also couldn't lie to him about his feelings.
"I'm sorry, Josh." Justin said softly, as he looked at JC who had his back to him.
"Why? You didn't do anything, Justin," came the reply. JC turned around and smiled at Justin even though the tears in his eyes were clear. "No one can resist loving you."
Before Justin could say anything, JC held up his hand and stopped him. "I don't want talk about this anymore, Justin. I need to get over my feelings for you and I can't do that unless we agree never to talk about this again. But there is one thing I need to know. No matter what, we are still buddies right?"
Justin nodded.
"That's all I need for now. Let's just forget about this, ok?" JC said and pulled the blanket closer around his body. His heart was aching but ignored it. He then deliberately changed the subject. It wasn't much of reach to find a new topic. He knew what was coming and as much as he wanted to avoid it, JC knew he had to face the music. "What did you tell them?"
Justin saw the nervous look on JC's face and immediately knew that he was referring to what Chris had mentioned earlier. "Nothing significant. I showed them the letter. I had to."
JC nodded. "I understand. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few hours..."
"Besides trying to catch pneumonia?" Justin asked with a tentative smile. JC knew he was trying to dispel the tension between them and played along.
"Yeah. Besides that. And you were right. This is not just about me. I need to tell them. Phillips could come after them as well. And even if he doesn't hurt them, if the truth about my past comes out in the media, the group will suffer the consequences. And I can't risk their lives and career without telling them the whole truth." JC decided.
"It's not just that, Josh. They would want to be there for you. We don't want you to go through this alone anymore. You've done that for six years. It stops now." Justin said firmly.
JC smiled, sending a silent prayer heavenwards for having someone like Justin in his life. He was willing to love Justin from a distance as long the teenager was still a part of his life. It wasn't easy but he had been doing it for three years and had gotten darn good at it.
"I'm going to have a bath and change. Then I will talk to the guys." JC said and headed for the door.
Justin followed him out of the room and to JC's room. "Josh, Johnny is going to have to know too."
JC paused mid-way as he was opening his room door. "Damn. This is going to be hard," he said in a small voice.
Justin gave JC's shoulder a squeeze. "I'll help you. All of us will," he said supportively.
JC smiled gratefully and entered his room. He closed the door and leaned against it and heard as Justin's footsteps receded. Many questions were running through his head but he willfully stopped himself from thinking about them. One step at a time. And the most important step at the moment was to let his friends be his friends. He had to tell Joey, Lance and Chris everything. In his heart he knew that they wouldn't turn their backs on him and now was crunch time. He was going to test the faith he had in them. Taking a deep breath, JC headed for the bathroom.