Hound of God

The Hound of God By: Edwin e.

Disclaimer: Do not read this if you are offended by stories involving male/male relationships, or in an area that prohibits your viewing of such material. This story is copyrighted to me, Edwin e, so don't reproduce it without my permission. Enjoy!

READ THIS: There is a little bit of Spanish in this story. For any non-Spanish speakers out there, an English translation follows in brackets. Peace.

Part 1: first contact

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" I jumped out of my chair a split second after Dominic kissed me. I've only had a handful of conversations with him throughout our high school career, but this was the first time I had ever seen a look of sheer terror on his face.

"I... I don't know... I just thought that...." He stammered. The boy couldn't string together a complete sentence. He was obviously more than a bit shaken by my sudden outburst.

We both stared at each other for what seemed like hours. The whole situation was surreal: the captain of the soccer team was in my house and just kissed me on the lips. How could my life, which I have done my best to keep simple and drama free, be shifted in such an unwanted direction? I guess I should explain how I got to this point....

I didn't like high school all that much - which is somewhat odd since I was very good at it. I had plenty of friends, got great grades, and was comfortable with the way my life was going. I just had to get through senior year and I could finally have a respite from all the monotony. It was mid October and I was about to take part in a debate for my Civics class. I was to present an argument in support of "gay rights" while a kid named Jeremy had to debate the counter point. I knew all the guys in the class were thinking the same thing: "I'm glad I didn't get that topic." But everyone knew that I was a very serious student and would do my best on every task appointed to me - no matter the subject. No one was going to give me a hard time or try to embarrass me. There was no need - I was as straight as they come.

Well that's not entirely true. I like cock. There can be no denying that - at least to myself. I knew the feelings I had for my male friends in the 5th grade weren't very typical. So I kept my desires and my mouth shut since then. It's quite amazing how a 10 year old is keen enough to understand the need for secrecy over such an issue. No one knew I was gay - absolutely NO ONE. And I planned to keep it that way. So this presentation was going to be quite interesting. Here I was about to take part in a debate involving issues I deeply cared about, yet also had to maintain ambivalence over.

All in all it was a great debate. To my surprise, the whole class seemed to pay a great deal of attention to us. I even got several "good jobs" from my classmates as we filed out of class. I was quite proud of my performance, but didn't dwell long seeing as how I had to book it to AP Calculus on the other side of the school. As I walked faster and faster, I heard someone call me from behind. I turned to see Dominic jogging in my general direction.

"Hey Edwin, wait up!" He called as I reestablished my pace. I didn't have any desire to talk to him. He was your typical good-looking jock with the loud and abrasive personality. So I just kept walking.

"Hey Dominic, what's up?" I asked when he finally reached me. It didn't take him too long to catch up to me. I had barely gotten past the small redwood trees in the middle of the main quad when he first called me.

"I just wanted to tell you 'good job' on your presentation."

"Oh...um...thanks," I said as I continued to try to get to class. I figured the conversation was over.

"Hey wait. I heard about your SAT score: Congrats." He seemed a bit anxious about something.

"Oh, thanks a lot." Damn. When the hell were people going to stop bringing that up? I know I was the only person in my school to ever score perfectly on the math portion of the SAT; I did not need to be constantly reminded of that fact. I don't like attention - the less people notice me, the better. Attention leads to scrutiny, and the thought of people scrutinizing my life filled me with such dread; who knows what they would see if they looked too close.

I had made it all the way across campus with this soccer player in tow. I looked at my watch and saw there was still time before the bell rang, so I stopped at the door to see what Dominic wanted of me. I was hoping he would get to the point because the wind was picking up and I was damn cold. 'It's not supposed to be this cold in California yet,' I thought to myself.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor." He paused a minute so I could say hi to my friends who were taking there seats in the class. He kept his hands in his black and green letterman jacket as he continued, "Could you tutor me? I heard you tutored some of the football players, and they're passing their classes again, so you must be kind of good. Pre-Calc is kicking my ass and I need help."

Oh hell no. I don't usually say no when people ask for my help. It's a problem I have: I was always taught that if someone is in need of something, it is our duty as fellow humans to try and help in any way we can. That's why I tutored so many people - I had the time and knowledge so I never said 'no' when asked. But I did not want to spend time with Dominic. He was some very nice eye-candy but that could not make up for his being so vapid and shallow. I detest people like that.

"Um... Well, I don't know... I'm kind of swamped right now." I tried to come up with a good excuse but nothing seemed to pop into my head. I was definitely feeling uncomfortable standing outside the door talking to him.

"Please?" He seemed to try to make one of those puppy-dog faces that get people to do anything. Or maybe he was just picking something out of his teeth, I don't know. He did have the most amazing brown eyes I had ever seen on anyone. I always thought brown eyes were boring (seeing as how I had them) but his seemed very exotic (at least for a white man)...

'QUE BONITOS OJOS TIENES, DE BAJO DE ESAS DOS CEJAS/DE BAJO DE ESAS DOS CEJAS QUE BONITOS OJOS TIENES' [What beautiful eyes you have, beneath those two eyebrows/beneath those two eyebrows, what beautiful eyes you have]... Those words from "La Malaguena" sure ring true here. Let me explain: it turns out I have a soundtrack for my life playing through my head at random times of the day, though usually only when something intense occurs. So often times, my reactions or thoughts to certain events take the form of song lyrics in Spanish. Yeah, I know it's strange: don't judge me...

Anyways, Dominic seemed determined to have his way, and I didn't want to be late for class so I agreed and gave him my number. I told him to call me later that night to discuss the logistics. I wanted to make sure I got paid for helping this fucker out. He agreed and trotted off to whatever class he had next period.

The next day was very uneventful. To make matters worse, it was one of those school days that seemed to go on forever. But school finally ended and I went home. I finished most of my homework early since I didn't know how long the tutoring session was going to last. I left my old pre-calc book in the dining room so I wouldn't have to share Dominic's. It was only quarter past four, so I had some time to kill. I went upstairs to my room and just listened to music while surfing the web. At 4:30 the doorbell rang. I knew Dominic wasn't coming 'til 5, so I let my mom answer it; I figured it must be one of her friends or something. A few seconds later, I heard footsteps going up the stairs. I was about to say something, thinking it was my little 6-year-old sister trying to bother me again. To my surprise, Dominic was standing in the doorway of my room.

"Hey, sorry I'm early but I had nothing else to do so I figured I'd just come over." He seemed to be looking about my room as he talked. I knew he was sizing it up, perhaps trying to figure out the type of person who was going to be tutoring him. I told him he could take a seat on my bed while I finished arranging my music files. He sat there staring at all the books on my shelves and awards on the walls. I thought I detected a hint of sudden anxiety wash over his face, but wasn't entirely sure. "What the hell is that you're listening to?" He asked as he got up and headed toward my computer. I didn't appreciate the tone of his voice, which he seemed to notice after I shot him a quick glance.

"It's just Mariachi music; it helps me concentrate," I said matter-of-factly as I focused on finishing up.

"Who is that singing? She sounds great," he asked seeming genuinely interested which took me by surprise. I told him it was Lola Beltran, quite possibly the greatest voice to ever come out of Mexico. I tend to ramble when I'm talking about something I really love - even if it is with someone who meant little to me. I told him how I felt Mariachi music was so much more expressive and passionate than any other music genre most people listened to. He didn't believe me, but I knew I was right. I think he even asked me to translate the song I was listening to, but I wasn't paying all that much attention to him anymore. After a few seconds I finished updating my iPod and told him we could start the tutoring session. So we headed downstairs.

"You have a nice house Edwin," he said as we headed into the dining room. I thanked him. I guess we did have a nice house. It started off as a modest three-bedroom/one bathroom home on the East side of town. But when my sister was born we needed more room, so we built an additional two bedrooms and bathroom on the second floor. My parents, who emigrated from Mexico in the 70's, worked very hard to make sure that we could live comfortably, if not in luxury.

We sat down next to each other at the dining room table. I tried to determine the level at which he comprehended the subject by asking him a few beginning questions. Soon we were hitting the books. After about 20 minutes my mom came in to tell me she was going to visit her brother around the block. She was taking my sister with her so we wouldn't be bothered. I thanked her, gave her a kiss, and she went on her way.

As soon as she was gone, things got a little weird.

I swore I felt Dominic's foot brush against mine several times. At first I just chalked it up to random movement. But then I noticed that he had inched closer and closer to me throughout the session. Nevertheless, I didn't pay too much attention because I was so focused on the actual tutoring. He told me he was struggling on a certain problem, and asked if I could help. I leaned over to see what page he was on, and in one quick movement he placed his lips onto mine.

I hear the brain can hold seven thoughts at one time.

I swear that I was thinking about 100 different things in that brief moment our lips touched. What is he doing? Why is he doing this? His breath smells like peppermint. Does he know I'm gay? Did he need to be tutored at all? How the hell am I going to get him out of my house? Am I enjoying this? Is he still going to pay me? Oh God, help me! I jumped up, bewildered.

And here we are.

"Oh God! But...your presentation...I thought..." he said. I could see the confusion on his face as his mind tried to understand what had happened. He got up from his seat and took a step toward me but I jumped back again. His body recoiled as he saw my unwillingness to be near him.

"I-I gotta go," he stammered as he quickly packed up his things and made for the door. As events unfolded, my mind began working in overdrive. I tried my hardest to piece together what was happening and how everything was going to change after this moment. I caught a quick glimpse of Dominic's face as he fumbled with his backpack. His teeth were clenched, further accentuating his strong jaw line and cheekbones. But his face, which I had thought could only exude cockiness and self-absorption, looked so dejected and pale. I became overcome with sympathy for this boy who had the unmistakable look of sadness and humiliation all over him.

He had opened my front door and was about to rush out when I reached from behind and slammed it shut. "Sit down," I commanded with more force than I had expected. After a moment of hesitation, he did as I said.

We sat back down at the dining room table. I sat next to him as before, but he kept his gaze focused at the floor. I could see little beads of sweat start to form across his temple. He closed his eyes and put his hands on his head. No question he was hurting. I got up and got a glass of water and brought it to him.

"Here," I said, handing him the glass. He took it without saying a word. We continued to sit there in complete silence; obviously hoping the other would be the first to talk. "What the hell just happened Dominic? Why did you kiss me?" I asked with slight trepidation.

"Look I'm really sorry. I-I don't know what I was thinking," he mumbled. The confidence with which he walked through life had left him. He was only a shell of the jerk I knew and hated. I expected him to say more.

"Answer my question: Why did you kiss me?" I felt my anger begin to rise. I wanted answers.

"I thought you were... I thought you were like me," he said after a deafening silence.

"Gay?" I posed the question as anger-free as I could. The term caused a nearly imperceptible twitch to cascade over his body. Although I could never picture him expressing any emotion other than happiness and anger, I swear he was on the verge of tears. Once again my heart tempered my anger in the light of a suffering soul.

"Yeah," he whispered. "And if you tell anyone I'm gonna kick your ass!" Ah, now there's the Dominic I recognized. His vulnerability was beginning to give way. His strong personality began to gather itself, and it was only a matter of time before I felt the brunt of all his emotion.

"Don't threaten me you asshole. You're the one who fucked everything up, not me!" I wasn't about to let him try and turn this around on me. He glared at me with such anger that I thought he would murder me right on the spot. Don't get me wrong, I'm in pretty good shape and could put up a fight if need be. But he had raw, unadulterated anger on his side and that's hard for anyone to overcome. After a few seconds with neither one of us backing down, things began to simmer down.

"Look, I have no problem telling everyone about this. Remember, you're the one that kissed me! So don't get all up in my face with your shit." I was hoping my bluff would work. And it did. He became crestfallen at the thought of his indiscretion being made public. The rollercoaster of emotion was becoming too much for him: his eyes watered and he began to shake in his seat. That fucker - why was he making me feel sorry for him just moments after he threatened to assault me?

I couldn't take this so I finally gave in.

"Dominic." He was unresponsive. "Dominic, look at me." He turned slightly, acknowledging me but not looking directly at me. "I'm not going to tell anyone about this, I swear. I didn't mean to get so angry. And I didn't mean to scare you. It's just..." I took a deep breath. "How did you know I was gay?" Now I was the one feeling vulnerable. But I knew this was the only way for me to get the answers I desperately needed.

It took a few moments for his brain to process my words. In a split second his face went from conveying confusion to understanding. A wave of relief enveloped him like a warm blanket. The color slowly began to come back to him and he became more relaxed. As he composed himself, a small smile broke from his lips.

"I knew it," he said, still unwilling to make eye contact with me.

"Listen, I need you to tell me how you knew I was gay," I said with renewed determination.

"It was during yesterday's presentation. Something about the way you carried yourself got my attention."

"What exactly was it?" He was tiring my patience.

"It was the way you talked," he said after reflecting a moment. "With all the other debates people talked as if they were just giving a report. They sounded too academic. But you spoke with understanding. And it wasn't just empathy - you know, you putting yourself in someone else's shoes. I felt you talk with something deeper."

I didn't know what to say. I was so confident in my ability to hide that I never questioned whether I could subconsciously sabotage myself. Who else could have picked up on this? My legs began to give way and I had to sit down. My body had been racked with too much emotion in so little time.

"Are you okay?" Dominic asked noticing my discomfort. I need time to process this whole debacle.

"I think you should leave Dominic," I finally said. He wasn't expecting that.

"But...what... I..." he stammered.

"Promise not to mention this to anyone and I'll do the same. But please get out of my house." I was on the verge of either breaking down or breaking something. Either way, I needed to be alone. Dominic picked up his backpack and headed toward the door. As he opened it, he turned back.

"I'm sorry," he said. And with that he was gone.

That night I lied awake on my bed for hours. Hindsight is such a tricky bitch. I just kept thinking how if I had just maintained my composure I could have brushed the kiss off and convinced Dominic I was straight. Looking back, I had made one critical mistake: I actually came out to him. That realization suddenly hit me with the force of an 18-wheeler. The tears started burning my cheeks as they ran down my face. Seventeen years of careful planning had gone out the window. With a single action Dominic was able to pierce the deception I had maintained all my life - the deception that kept me safe and focused. I never worried about coming out or being exposed because I knew I had the fortitude to keep this faade going - which meant keeping my sexuality contained as long as I saw fit. But he took that away from me. Something had gone terribly wrong - and for the first time in my life, I didn't know what to do. My body eventually gave up and I fell asleep on a tear soaked pillow.

I awoke the next day knowing the events of yesterday were not just part of some dream. Now I had to somehow deal with the consequences and do some sort of damage control. I went to school with the sole purpose of making sure no one knew what had happened. If anyone treated me differently it would be a sure bet that Dominic opened his big mouth. Half the school day passed with no noticeable difference in anyone's behavior - much to my delight. But now I had to go to Civics, the one class I shared with Dominic.

I sat down and checked to see if Dominic was in class. I guess a part of me figured he might not show up. But there he was looking very reserved - a drastic departure from his usual raucous self. I averted my eyes so as not to make eye contact with him. As soon as class was over I got the hell out as fast as I could.

Once again, doubt started to haunt my thoughts. Seeing Dominic in person renewed all of my fears. I would have skipped the rest of the day, but figured there was no point since I had only two classes left. I was quite distant when it was time for Band, my last class.

Under normal circumstances, I love Band. I'm a total band nerd - though that term hardly does me justice. I could have easily joined the soccer team or track squad, but I have always loved music. My parents forced me to take piano and trumpet lessons when I was a little kid and the lessons stuck. Music, whether playing it or just listening to it, always eased me. But I didn't even want to go to Band today; things were just too fucked up.

"Are you okay?" someone asked as I put my trumpet away at the end of rehearsal. I turned to see Gabriel talking to me.

"Yeah, I just got some stuff on my mind, that's all," I hoped he would just leave it at that.

Gabriel is one of my closest friends - although that isn't saying much. I never allowed anyone to get too close to me for the same reasons I shied away from public scrutiny. He's definitely as close to me as any of my other friends, though I know he's probably closer with other people.

"You want to talk about it? Cuz I'm here for you. You know that, right?" His hazel eyes showed genuine concern, which made me feel better.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks though, but I'll be ok," I said hoping he wouldn't press the issue. I felt bad not opening up more to him. No, it was more than that. It was killing me keeping him so distant from my life.

I have to make a confession: I have feelings for Gabriel - STRONG feelings. More than once I've used Gabriel as my masturbatory template. I've been good friends with him for 2 years and have grown intoxicated by everything about him. I talk a good game about keeping a tight lid on my sexual urges, but with him it's different. More than once I've thought that I would gladly go through any tribulation if it meant having a chance with him. But as soon as I think such thoughts, I drag them back into the recesses of my mind. Nothing and no one, not even Gabriel is worth my secret being exposed. Plus the feelings were moot: Gabriel had a girlfriend. I forced a small smile, hoping it would ease his worries.

"Well, okay then. But I know something's wrong," he said with a smirk on his face. "You have my number so give me a call if you need to talk."

"Ok, thanks Gabriel." I said. I knew I wasn't going to call him. But it would have been nice to hear his soothing deep voice outside of school. Oh, well.

School was finally over and I was anxious to get home. I grabbed my backpack from my seat and headed for the door. I was almost there when I saw Dominic standing in the doorway, looking confused. I take it he'd never been in the music room before.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, fearing people would see him. Anything out of the norm would draw attention - and Dominic coming here was most definitely not an everyday occurrence.

"We need to talk Edwin, sooner than later," he said. I knew he was right. After all, we were both a lot calmer now than we had been yesterday. But it would have been nice if he told me this alone so as not to draw attention to us. Gabriel must have seen me ill at ease, as he quietly came up to us and asked if everything was all right.

"Yeah, no problem. Dominic just needs help in math," I said, which was technically true. Gabriel and Dominic looked at each other in a none-too-friendly manner. Dominic especially had a strange look in his eye. If I didn't know better, he seemed to be somewhat threatened by Gabriel. Gabriel is not necessarily better looking than Dominic; they're pretty similar in fact. Besides, my attraction to Gabriel lies mostly on his being one of the sweetest and brightest people I know. But why should Dominic care anything about him since they run in completely different circles?

"As long as everything's okay here... Call me tonight, Edwin," Gabriel said as he walked away.

"Who was that?" Dominic asked inquisitively.

"That's just my friend Gabriel," I stated. Something was bothering me about the look on Dominic's face. Was that jealousy?

"You haven't told him about us have you?!" He whispered.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I asked surprised. "Believe me, I don't want what happened to get out anymore than you do. So, let's go to my house and talk. I know no one's going to be there for a while." He agreed and we walked over to my house in complete silence. I don't live too far from the school - a mere 10-minute walk, but it seemed so much farther this time around.

When we reached my house I made sure no one was home: I called out and, thankfully, got no response. We got to my room and I had Dominic sit on the bed, while I sat in my chair near my desk. The tension in the room was palpable.

"So..." I said trying to get the conversation started. Dominic looked at me and flashed me a quick smile, exposing his pearly whites. "Where should we start?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, Edwin. I really am. I didn't mean to kiss you - well, I did, but I didn't expect to get that kind of reaction from you. I'm sorry if I scared or hurt you. And I'm really sorry I acted like an ass yesterday." His apology seemed very heartfelt, but I was afraid to take him at his word.

"So... you planned on kissing me?" I asked very surprised. How could this be, I asked myself. Our school wasn't above the social stratification inherit in most others across the country. I was able to cross at least some of the boundaries, owing mostly to my personality and quasi-good looks. But Dominic existed in a whole different sphere - one I was more than happy to stay away from. So why would he make a conscious choice to go after me?

"Yeah," he said as his gaze went to the floor. "After the debate I had an idea about you and figured 'what the hell.' So I made up the tutoring excuse; I'm actually getting a solid 'B' in Pre-Calc." Hmm. That devious little shit.

"But Dominic, there are quite a few guys who are openly gay at school. And I'm sure some of them would be willing to keep your secret. Why didn't you go hook up with one of them?" I asked, hoping to shed a little more light on this whole episode.

He looked up at me as if he didn't understand the question. In fact, I got the feeling that he expected me to already know the answer.

"Because I like you, Edwin. Not any of them," he said very quietly.

My head spun from confusion.

"Dominic, that doesn't make any sense. You don't know anything about me, and what I know of you, I don't like," I said. How could he have such a warped view of reality?

He looked at me slightly wounded. He stood up, which caused me to stand up as well.

"Oh, I don't know anything about you? I know that you have the second highest GPA in our class. I know that you love Band and are an incredible musician. I know you love Mariachi music. I know you have an older brother, a younger sister, and parents that love you. I know you love your family more than anything. I know you tutor kids at school who need help. I know you volunteer on the weekends to tutor at a community center in Sacramento. I know that you go to Mass every Sunday and sometimes twice a week. I know you're the nicest person in school, with tons of friends," he began. As he was saying this he would take steps toward me, causing me to step back instinctively.

He continued, "I know that you want to go to Stanford next fall. I know that when you're concentrating on something, your brow furrows and you twirl a lock of your hair with your right index finger. I know that you have a soothing voice and contagious laugh. I know that every time we have Civics together, I stare at you hoping you'll notice me. I know that whenever I brush up against you when we pass each other in the halls my heart beats a little bit faster. And I know that of all the people in the world, you're the only one I would come out to," he said.

My jaw dropped. A less-than-keen observer could easily have noticed some of those things about me. But it would take someone who was truly paying a great deal of attention to encapsulate me in the way he just did. The song 'Cien Anos' suddenly popped into my head: 'PASASTE A MI LADO/CON GRAN INDIFERENCIA/TUS OJOS NI SIQUIERA VOLTEARON HACIA MI/TE VI SIN QUE ME VIERAS/TE HABLE SIN QUE ME OYERAS...' [You passed by me/With great indifference/Your eyes didn't even turn toward my direction/I saw you without you seeing me/I spoke to you without you hearing me...]. Could Dominic have paid such close attention to me? I didn't know I had a stalker.

I was about to say something when Dominic grabbed a hold of my shoulders and pushed me against the wall. My body reacted in a flash and my arms wrapped on top of his, ready to free me. This was the first time my hands had felt any part of Dominic's body. I could feel his arms as they flexed, trying to keep me still. I could tell that he definitely worked them out. But I didn't have much time to think any more thoughts.

All of a sudden, Dominic tightened his grip and kissed me. The shy timidity that characterized our first kiss was replaced with passion. His lips felt soft as they remained gently pressed against mine. I was so taken by surprise that my arms stopped trying to repel him, and we both relaxed (I even closed my eyes). I've never had anyone really kiss me, so these sensations were new. I felt on fire; I could feel neurons firing in my brain and some twitching in my pants. After a couple seconds I opened my eyes and was brought down to reality. I ended our lip-lock and put a few feet of space between us. Now my mind was a mess, so I let instinct take over.

I punched him: my fist landing near the left corner of his mouth. He fell to the floor and looked at me with blood dripping from his lip.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Notes:

1. No sex in this part. Sorry! Don't worry - there will be some eventually.

2. This is my first story, so I hope people are enjoying it. It'd be great if I got some feedback, hopefully positive feedback. Take care.

edtimoria@hotmail.com